Vault: Her Boyfriend Has No Idea She Has Kids?!

Summary

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The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Her Boyfriend Has No Idea She Has Kids?!
Date: January 30, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and callers)
Topic: A woman, Amy, confesses she’s been hiding her children from her boyfriend for 18 months.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show centers on a deeply personal and controversial listener story. Amy has been in a relationship for 18 months and has yet to reveal to her boyfriend that she has children. Her kids live out of state with their father, and Amy describes how a small omission snowballed into a sustained, life-altering lie. The Bert Show team and its callers react to her situation with a mix of shock, dismay, tough love, and some empathy. Conversation covers societal expectations, the stigmas around single motherhood, and the real human messiness of Amy’s choices.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Amy’s Situation: The Big Lie

• Background (00:00 – 00:41):
  • Amy and her boyfriend have been together for 18 months.
  • Her kids live with their dad in another state, making it easier to conceal them.
  • Amy’s omission began innocently—she didn’t bring it up initially to avoid scaring him off, but then it became impossible to address the truth.
  • “At this point, it's more about me getting caught in the lie. I feel awful about it.” – Amy (00:26)
  • The relationship is serious: “we’re talking about marriage.” (00:44)

2. Amy’s Attempt to ‘Test the Waters’ (01:46 – 02:48)

• Amy describes her first step: bringing up “kids” as a general topic, talking lovingly about her “niece and nephew,” and showing their pictures (in reality, her children) to gauge her boyfriend’s reaction.
  • The boyfriend responds positively: “Oh my God, I love kids, too.” (02:31)
• Amy defends her approach as a “baby step”—her goal was to see whether he liked kids before telling the full truth.

3. Hosts and Callers Respond: Outrage and Ethical Debate

• Host and Caller Reactions (02:46 – 05:00):
  • Callers and hosts express anger and disbelief, arguing Amy’s actions are offensive to mothers and unfair to her children and her boyfriend.
  • “You are a mother, and these are your children, and you are kind of hee hawing around it for this guy. And it really offends me... you are going to show pictures of your own children to this guy as your niece and nephew... I just think that's so offensive.” – Caller 1 (02:48)
  • “This is so cowardly what you're doing. It really is.” – Host (03:54)
  • Several callers emphasize, “I tell people on the first date. I’m not ashamed.” (05:26)
• Some push back with skepticism or devil’s advocate looks, suggesting if the boyfriend had hated kids, at least Amy would know before revealing her secret. Most agree, however, that this plan is “double stacking the lie” (08:35).

4. Single Mom Perspective (05:11 – 06:00)

• An impassioned call from Alicia, a single mother, draws a sharp line:
  • “I am a single mother, and I have never in my life. She is such a disgrace to all mothers.” – Alicia (05:12)
  • She advocates for full disclosure immediately: “You don't got time for the games anymore.”

5. Judgment About Parenting and Custody (06:01 – 06:26)

• Some caller criticisms turn harsh, suggesting Amy’s loss of custody reflects on her moral character.
  • “It takes a pretty bad mother to lose her kids to the dad side of it, because the dads never get the kids…. Come on, you gotta be kidding me.” – Caller 5 (06:01)

6. Is There Any Nuance? (06:31 – 08:44)

• A few panelists and callers try to empathize, exploring whether Amy’s “incremental” approach provides a way to ease into the truth without risking everything at once.
• Ultimately, most agree her “blueprint” is flawed and “a little misguided.”

7. Amy’s Response and Her Plan (08:57 – 10:18)

• Facing the hostility, Amy repeatedly apologizes and admits she never intended for her lie to spiral:
  • “I didn't mean for it to get out of control. I really didn't. But it did. And, you know, I'm sorry that it did, but I'm trying to fix it.” – Amy (09:56)
  • She reiterates her intention to “come clean... in little increments,” but the show hosts are broadly skeptical:
  • “You’re only making it worse. You’re only making it worse.” – Host (10:06)
• Amy agrees to call back with an update.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It just snowballs and snowballs and snowballs, and you just don't know when to put the brakes on it.” – Host (01:31)
• “I just wanted to break it in slowly...I mean, he's such a good guy. My kids deserve to have him in their life.” – Amy (03:26)
• “This is so cowardly what you're doing. It really is.” – Host (03:54)
• “If I was your son or daughter, I'd be so hurt.” – Caller 1 (03:57)
• “I get it, Amy. Baby steps. Baby steps.” – Host and Callers (09:38)
• “I would be thinking the same thing if I was listening to someone say this kind of stuff...I didn't mean for it to get out of control.” – Amy (09:56)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – 00:41: Amy sets up her story & how the secret started
• 01:46 – 02:48: Amy’s step to “test the waters,” using her children as her “niece and nephew”
• 02:48 – 03:54: Hosts and callers express outrage, challenge Amy
• 05:11 – 06:00: Alicia’s perspective as a single mother, calls Amy a disgrace
• 06:01 – 06:26: Another caller harshly judges Amy as a mother for losing custody
• 08:57 – 09:38: Amy discusses her next step; panel debates the “baby steps” approach
• 09:56 – 10:18: Amy’s apology, hosts’ skepticism, plan for a future update

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Tone and Style

The episode is forthright, sometimes harsh, and unflinchingly judgmental. The Bert Show and its callers don’t sugarcoat their views—many come at Amy with strong moral outrage, tough love, and a bit of humor. Despite the pressure, Amy is open about her regret and ongoing struggle to resolve her predicament, contributing to the show’s trademark authenticity.

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Summary prepared for listeners who want to follow the key moments and moral debates of this episode without missing the emotional nuances and dramatic confrontations.

Transcript

[Host]

The first show. All right, let's recap Amy's story. We spent a good amount of time with her last week. Amy, how long have you gone now in your relationship?

[Amy]

18 months.

[Host]

What?

[Caller 1]

Over a year. How does he not know?

[Amy]

My kids actually live out of state with their dad.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Amy]

And I visit them there. You know, it's hard work, but I have been able to keep it from him for that long.

[Host]

Why?

[Amy]

It's not that I ever really wanted to. It's just, like. Didn't mention it the first few dates. Didn't want to scare him off. And then I just could never find an appropriate time to bring it up. At this point, it's more about me getting caught in the lie. I feel awful about it.

[Host]

Are you guys, like, exchanging the L word and all that?

[Amy]

Yeah. I mean, we're talking about marriage.

[Caller 2]

Oh, my God.

[Caller 1]

He's going to be devastated.

[Amy]

You know, he's a really good guy. I don't know how to get out of this situation.

[Host]

Yeah. And being honest just is not an option on the Birch show. Apparently, when you call up, it was the same thing yesterday. Also, that since that's not an option, what else do we do?

[Caller 1]

Right?

[Host]

So I think the last time we talked to Amy, she said she was going to have the talk with dude and find out exactly. You know, figure out a way either be honest with him and go, look, this has been awful. So she's on the voice disguiser again. Hey, Amy, you're on Q100.

[Amy]

Hi. How are you?

[Host]

Okay. How are you?

[Amy]

Okay.

[Host]

People were so mad at you last week.

[Amy]

I know, I know. I felt terrible. I felt terrible after I got off.

[Host]

It's just one of those things where you just get caught up in the lie and it just snowballs and snowballs and snowballs, and you just don't know when to put the brakes on it.

[Amy]

Yeah, exactly. Complete snowball. Until I was so in so deep, I just didn't know how to get out of it.

[Host]

Well, did you do anything about it this weekend?

[Amy]

I did. I took my first step. I didn't address it completely, but I took my first step. Basically what I did was I just really wanted to introduce the topic of children in general. So I just started talking about how much I love kids, and I told him that I have this niece and nephew that I'm really, really close with. Well, I just wanted to, like, break him in a little. Like, just get his reaction on that. You know what I mean? Did he say why did was amazing. Baby steps, everything I could have Hoped for. Oh, my God, I love kids, too.

[Caller 3]

So you introduced your.

[Amy]

Meet your family. You know, that kind of stuff.

[Caller 3]

You introduced your.

[Amy]

To actually show him a picture of.

[Caller 3]

Your own children as your niece and nephew.

[Amy]

Yeah, I was like, this is them. Aren't they cute? And he was like, oh, my God, they're adorable. I can't wait to meet them.

[Caller 1]

I'm mad.

[Amy]

So far, so good.

[Caller 1]

Well, that's just really mad because I cannot. You are a mother, and these are your children, and you are kind of hee hawing around it for this guy. And it really offends me. It really offends me that you are going to show pictures of your own children to this guy as your niece and nephew. I just think that's so offensive.

[Host]

Like, what's gonna happen when. I mean. Cause eventually you are going to have to tell.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, stay up to your kids now.

[Host]

You've got 18 months worth of lie behind you. And now you've. You've even dabbled in starting to try to tell him the truth, but you've made it worse with a worse lie. Because now he's gonna take a look at your kids. He's gonna go, these are the ones you introduced me to a couple of months ago as your niece and your nephew.

[Caller 3]

Well, are you gonna tell?

[Amy]

Oh, no, I'm gonna tell him. No, I'm gonna tell him. I just wanted to break it in slowly, you know? And, you know, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I mean, he's such a good guy. Like, my kids deserve to have him in their life.

[Host]

They don't deserve to have you.

[Caller 1]

They deserve to have a mother that's ready to say, hey, these are my children. I'm proud of them. I love them, you know? And, you know, if you want to date me, then you have to know that you have to accept my children, too.

[Host]

This is so cowardly what you're doing. It really is.

[Caller 1]

Oh, my God. If I was your son or daughter, I'd be so hurt.

[Amy]

I would, of course, start from the beginning, but I got myself into a bad situation. But if I were to start dating someone now, of course I would tell them the truth from the beginning. But I've fallen in love with this guy. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

[Caller 1]

Isn't that kind of backwards, what you just said? If I started dating a guy, I would claim my children. But because I'm in love with this.

[Host]

One, I can't tell him everything.

[Caller 1]

I can't tell him I'm in love.

[Host]

With him, I can't tell him everything.

[Caller 2]

When did you come up with the niece and nephew thing? And how did that ever make sense that that would be a good idea?

[Amy]

Well, I wanted to tell him this week. And, you know, I was just thinking, what's a good way to start talking about kids and get his reaction and see, you know, if he was like, I don't want to meet your niece and nephew, then I know I'm doomed. And then I can just come clean and we can break up. But his reaction was so great, you know, now I can take the next step.

[Host]

You've got to figure it out. Hey, Bernadette. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 4]

I just wanted to say that she.

[Caller 5]

Is a horrible mother and that she doesn't even deserve to have kids, but.

[Caller 3]

She makes a great aunt.

[Host]

This is a lot of the same calls we're getting that we got last week. People are really upset the way you're handling this. Alicia, you're on Q100.

[Amy]

Yes.

[Caller 4]

I am a single mother, and I have never in my life. She is such a disgrace to all mothers.

[Host]

Alicia, what is standard? Like, when you start going out with a guy, how long does it take you as a single mom to tell him, look, I've got kids.

[Caller 4]

I'm up front. I've never hit it. It's on the first date. I tell everybody because I'm not ashamed about it.

[Host]

That's what I said last week. Also, you know, like, single. Any parent is pressed for time. But when you're a single mom, also, you don't got time for the games anymore, man. So let me tell you what I'm about right off the bat.

[Caller 4]

Exactly.

[Caller 1]

Exactly. The kid would have to be more important than this new guy that you don't know.

[Host]

Crazy concept.

[Caller 1]

I'm sorry. That was radical. I apologize.

[Host]

Good morning, Rob. You're on Q100. What's going on?

[Caller 5]

Well, you know, I don't call very often, but I'll tell you what, this is unbelievable. Number one, it takes a pretty bad mother to lose her kids to the dad side of it, because the dads never get the kids. But how do you not tell him? Are you embarrassed of your children? You don't deserve those kids, number one. And when you do tell him, I hope he leaves you. Come on, you gotta be kidding me.

[Host]

It's pretty irresponsible. It really is, Amy. I mean, it's so irresponsible and such, so disrespectful.

[Caller 3]

But considering the damage is already done, isn't This a way to ease into it. Because what if he said, I hate kids, I never want. No, I'm just playing devil's advocate. If he said, I hate kids, I never want kids.

[Host]

This is.

[Caller 3]

Kids are disgusting and they're dirty and they.

[Amy]

No.

[Caller 3]

And they bite and they usually have snot on them.

[Caller 2]

They poo, and it stings, and they.

[Caller 3]

Poo, and they're rude in restaurants. They scream in restaurants. And usually they're running around and they're just in the way. And a lot of times they're noisy, and sometimes they're just offensive. And they will grab your hair and they'll get spit on you, and they always have crust on them of some sort, and they're just gross. Right. And they'll eat turd if they can get their hands on it from the yard. So what if. Like, what if that's. What if that's his opinion, right? What?

[Caller 1]

Well, I think a very passive opinion, I'm sure.

[Amy]

Right.

[Caller 2]

But if that's something that you could never relate to.

[Caller 3]

Right? But what if he says that then she could break up with him.

[Host]

But it's not.

[Caller 3]

But if it was.

[Host]

But it's not.

[Caller 3]

I am playing devil's advocate.

[Host]

All right, let me play devil's advocate. Square. That's not the situation.

[Caller 1]

You can't.

[Caller 3]

Because. Devil's advocate. I'm saying her plan might not have been bad, but because she introduces the niece and nephew, and if he doesn't like kids, then she's like, well, I gotta break up with him or never see my kids again. And she can make the decision and move forward with one of the relationships, either parental relationship or the girlfriend relationship, and know what she's getting into. But you just wait. Fortunately or unfortunately, he likes kids, so now she has to work around it. But I'm just saying he didn't.

[Host]

But thank you for your input.

[Caller 3]

If he didn't, then I think her plan was good.

[Caller 2]

Then why couldn't she have shown him pictures of.

[Caller 3]

It's not her fault he liked children.

[Host]

But she should.

[Caller 2]

I mean, if. Okay, so say she was trying to handle this. She could have shown him pictures of her friend's kids, like.

[Caller 3]

Or like Shiloh.

[Caller 2]

Right. And, you know, talked about that and then said, all right, well, then I have some. And here's the pictures of mine. But by showing him her kids and saying, there's someone else, it's another double.

[Host]

It's just double stacking on the line.

[Caller 3]

I'm not saying it was a perfect plan. What I'm saying is it wasn't necessarily a totally bad one, right?

[Caller 2]

There was a plan.

[Caller 1]

There was a plan.

[Host]

She did have a blueprint.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, she wasn't all willy nilly about it.

[Host]

A little misguided. Stacy, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Amy]

Hey.

[Caller 4]

I'm just absolutely disgusted by this woman. And, you know, maybe that's why she doesn't have custody of her kids now, because she's used to disowning them. Maybe the court said, hey, she's an irresponsible mother, so why don't we give them to the father? Because they don't exist in her world anyway.

[Host]

Amy, what's your next step with this whole thing? So now you've got a man that.

[Caller 3]

Digs kids, especially your niece and nephew.

[Host]

Your niece and nephew, specifically, is probably gonna. That's probably the next step. Well, let's babysit for my niece and nephew.

[Caller 1]

Oh, you're giving her ideas. She's thinking, oh, that's awesome.

[Host]

So what's the next step? But you gotta come clean eventually. I don't know what you're waiting on.

[Amy]

I am gonna come clean. I just wanted to do it in little increments.

[Caller 3]

I get it. I get it, Amy.

[Host]

Baby steps. Baby steps.

[Caller 2]

Literally.

[Amy]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Baby.

[Amy]

And I know. I mean, obviously everybody hates me, and I would be thinking the same thing if I was listening to someone say this kind of stuff, but you just.

[Caller 1]

It's different.

[Amy]

Anyone's understanding is, I didn't mean for it to get out of control. I really didn't. But it did. And, you know, I'm sorry that it did, but I'm trying to fix it.

[Host]

You're only making it worse. You're only making it worse. All right, well, we got to get an update from you in a couple of weeks and find out how you extended this big old mistake.

[Amy]

Okay.

[Host]

Good luck. The bird show.