Vault: Her dating anti-christ has returned

Summary

Episode Overview

Title: Vault: Her dating anti-christ has returned
Date: July 20, 2026
Podcast: The Bert Show

This episode centers around Wendy's emotional struggle as her toxic ex—referred to as her "dating Antichrist"—plans to move back to town after a tumultuous breakup two years prior. The cast explores the psychological hold of such toxic relationships, Wendy’s efforts to rebuild her self-esteem, and the universal urge to seek validation from those who once hurt us. The conversation is as supportive as it is candid, blending genuine empathy with humor and hard truths.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Defining the "Dating Antichrist"

• [01:01] – [01:44]
  • Definition: A "dating Antichrist" is someone with whom you have such an unhealthy attachment that you repeatedly return—even when you know it’s bad for you.
    • Jen Hobby: “This is the person that you're so in love with, you lose yourself. They treat you badly. You don't care. You go back to them anyway...you mistake the roller coaster of emotion for real love. But really, it's just because they're a jerk and they keep treating you like crap." [01:13]
    • Burt: “It defies logic. You just keep going back time and time again.” [01:44]
  • The relationship's addictive qualities are compared to a drug, offering emotional highs followed by devastating lows.
    • Fiji: "The person's like a drug...the withdrawal, once you're out of that high, it is the worst low you could experience." [02:06]

Wendy’s Backstory: Two Years Since the Breakup

• [02:30] – [03:47]
  • Wendy recounts the painful breakup: emotionally abusive, constant criticism about her appearance, and long-term impact on her self-esteem.
    • Wendy: "I started on diet pills when I was with him, actually, because I just felt fat. He would always pick at my side...just very insecure." [03:47]
  • She admits she lost friends, family support, and confidence.

He’s Coming Back: Wendy’s Anxiety

• [03:13] – [05:34]
  • Wendy recently found out her ex is moving back to town, causing dormant insecurities to resurface.
  • She describes obsessing over her appearance before going to a club where a mutual friend (and informant to her ex) would be present.
    • Wendy: "It took me two hours to find something awesome to wear to make sure my boobs looked good. My. I looked really thin and tan....I wanted to make sure that when he saw me, he thought I looked good enough to go back and tell my ex boyfriend that I looked amazing." [04:24], [05:39]

Seeking Validation from Toxic Exes

• [05:34] – [06:29]
  • The conversation explores why we want validation from people who've hurt us.
    • Jen Hobby: "It's kind of like the way you can flip him the middle finger. Right." [05:51]
  • Wendy wants her ex to regret losing her, even while she admits still caring about his opinion.

Can Wendy Resist the Cycle?

• [06:29] – [08:58]
  • The cast is divided: some believe Wendy wants to prove herself, others worry she's baiting herself for another emotional setback.
    • Burt: "I got love and respect for you, but I don't think you're strong enough to play that game..." [06:29]
    • Fiji: "I think Wendy's at a disadvantage because she hasn't had boyfriends since then, like, really serious boyfriends since this guy." [08:20]
  • Wendy admits, “He’s still kind of a crutch… and being two years removed and nothing serious, it just kind of sucks…” [08:58]

Listener Support and Real Talk

• [09:16] – [11:32]
  • Multiple callers give Wendy supportive advice, reminding her of her worth.
    • Katie (Caller): "You need to find that one guy that's not going to find every single flaw within you..." [09:18]
  • The cast discusses how self-esteem "wins" can add up if Wendy internalizes them.
    • Burt: "I think Wendy needs wins in the self-esteem category, little wins that build her security..." [11:32]

Paths to Moving On

• [11:55] – [13:30]

  • Jen Hobby points out Wendy’s achievements—like “Dancing With The Stars”—that speak to her strength, but notes Wendy struggles to see these as wins.

    • Jen Hobby: "You’ve got to accept it and believe it and believe that you're worth it and believe that you're way worth more than this guy." [12:28]

  • The cast reflects on unhealthy patterns and the importance of self-acceptance after a toxic breakup.

    • Fiji: "Just let it go and eventually you forget about it, you know?... We all are inner perfectionists and...when a relationship [fails], we allow ourselves to be bad in a relationship, but just let it go." [12:44]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jen Hobby [01:13]: “You mistake the roller coaster of emotion...for real love.”
• Burt [01:44]: “It defies logic. You just keep going back time and time again.”
• Wendy [03:47]: "I started on diet pills when I was with him, actually, because I just felt fat..."
• Wendy [05:39]: "I wanted to make sure that when he saw me, he thought I looked good enough to go back and tell my ex boyfriend that I looked amazing."
• Burt [06:29]: "I don't think you're strong enough to play that game."
• Wendy [08:58]: “He’s still kind of a crutch…”
• Katie (Caller) [09:18]: "You’re a strong girl and you don’t need this crap in your life."
• Burt [11:32]: “Wendy needs wins in the self-esteem category, little wins that build her security…”

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:01 | What is a "dating Antichrist"? | | 02:30 | Wendy recounts her breakup and emotional abuse | | 03:13 | Wendy learns her ex is moving back | | 04:24 | Struggles with appearance and self-esteem | | 05:34 | The motivation behind wanting to look good for her ex’s friends | | 06:29 | Cast warns Wendy of re-engaging with her ex | | 09:16 | Listener support and affirmation | | 11:32 | Discussion of "little wins" and self-esteem | | 12:44 | Letting go of perfectionism and moving forward after toxic relationships |

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Episode Tone and Takeaway

The episode is candid and supportive, balancing humor with tough love. The cast empathizes with Wendy’s vulnerability, but they also challenge her to break the toxic cycle and embrace self-worth. Listeners facing similar struggles will find not only validation but also a nudge toward self-acceptance and courage to move on.

Transcript

[Burt]

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[Burt]

So Wendy's dating Antichrist is not back yet. So we can't even put this on him yet?

[Wendy]

No.

[Burt]

But let's try to redefine this again for the new Burt show listener, Jen Hobby. What is a dating Antichrist?

[Jen Hobby]

Basically, this is the person that you're so in love with, you lose yourself. They treat you badly. You don't care. You go back to them anyway. At some point, you're wailing, crying over them. You just. It's. It's not a good relationship, but you keep going back to it, and you mistake the roller coaster of emotion that you're going through for this person being a real love. And that's what real love feels like. But really, it's just because they're a jerk and they keep treating you like crap. And that's why it's a roller coaster.

[Burt]

And it's that gravitational pull, like, you know that it's not good for you. You know it's not going to end well. You know that you guys are gonna get in a fight within 24 hours of getting back together again, or he or she is gonna do something so nasty to you, can't end well. But that's what makes it the dating Antichrist because it defies logic. You just keep going back time and time again.

[Fiji]

Well, it's like a drug. The person's like a drug. And I agree with Jen. It's like you're not in love with them. You think you are, but you're really not.

[Jen Hobby]

I think you are.

[Fiji]

You're in a low part of your life, and you need something like a crutch to lean on. And so the highs that they give you, because these are the people that can give you the best dates and say the best things and give you the best G gifts. But the payoff is it just like with drugs, the withdrawal, once you're out of that high, it is the worst low you could experience.

[Burt]

So if you're a long term Burt show listener, you know, when Wendy first started the show, she was in the middle of, like, breaking up with this guy, and it was really ugly. A lot of you guys have gone through these kind of relationships before also where this dude was, like, verbally abusive, and she'd come in here crying one day and ripping on him, and then the next day she was back with him, and she's crying again. She's like, just please leave me alone. I'm gonna change my phone number. And this. I mean, it was a pretty emotional couple of weeks. And finally, dude, the relationship is over because basically he's just not in the picture anymore. He moved away?

[Wendy]

Well, yeah, I've been removed from him for two years, so we haven't been together for two years. The breakup's been two years ago, so there's no direct contact with him anymore. I've completely.

[Jen Hobby]

That's good.

[Wendy]

Completely cut him out. But, yeah, I found out a couple of weeks ago that he is gonna be back in town within a month or two.

[Burt]

He's moving back to town or he's just here for a little stop and he's mo.

[Wendy]

He's moving back to town.

[Burt]

Moving back to town.

[Wendy]

So in a month or two, I don't know when, I don't know what time. I just heard that information through a mutual friend. But over the weekend, I indirectly still care about what he thinks I look like and how I look.

[Burt]

We need to just define this part because this was, like, a large part of your. Your world with him is that he used to make you feel crap about how you look and your weight and everything, right?

[Wendy]

Yeah. I started on diet pills when I was with him, actually, because I just felt fat. He would always pick at my side and pick at, like, my thighs and I mean, just very insecure. He would go to the gym all the time, worked out every day of the week.

[Antonio]

You didn't even pick at your sides. Like, he would pinch.

[Wendy]

Yeah, pinch my sides.

[Jen Hobby]

Like, and what would he say?

[Wendy]

He's just like, oh, what's that? And just like little comments like that.

[Burt]

I could do that one time to stage.

[Antonio]

Oh my God.

[Burt]

One time.

[Jen Hobby]

One time would be like the guy missing one.

[Burt]

I'd be knocked out. Knocked out.

[Antonio]

You'd be the one ball guy.

[Wendy]

No, but he was. He worked out all the time and he had friends that worked out all the time. So yeah, it was.

[Jen Hobby]

Didn't he tell you about the girls in the gym?

[Wendy]

Of course. All the time I would hear about how good they looked and how they were always on the treadmill working out. And I never went to that gym. So I just stayed home a lot because I lost a lot of friends. I lost my family and the whole relationship. I lost a lot of people that I'm just now getting back. So yeah, it's been a long time trying to build my self esteem back up. And it's definitely not back up even close to being back up. But no, over the weekend I indirectly still care about what he thinks because I went out to a club on Friday night with one of my friends just going out. But at this club I knew there was a mutual friend of ours, a guy friend of ours that speaks to him more than he speaks to me. And this guy friend I haven't seen for a while and I knew he was going to be there that night. So picking out my outfit and, and doing my hair, putting on the right jewelry, the right shoes, took me a lot longer. When I say I get. I can get ready in 30 minutes, I'm like not one of these girls who primps in the mirror a lot. It took me two hours to find something awesome to wear to make sure my boobs looked good. My. I looked really thin and tan. I went to lengths to make sure I looked good.

[Burt]

Because you were dating for the Antichrist because you know this guy would give the scouting report. Yes, that's real right there.

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[Wendy]

I wanted to make sure that when he saw me, he thought I looked good enough to go back and tell my ex boyfriend that I looked amazing. Like that he would want me back.

[Fiji]

I don't know why that's normal, but in hopes of.

[Burt]

Okay, let's just look at it.

[Jen Hobby]

But in hopes of what? It's, it's more of like a. It's kind of like a. The way you can flip him the middle finger. Right. Kind of like you're not wanting him to go back and report like, oh, Wendy looks so good because you want to get back with him. It's more like that Wendy looks so good. Like I can't believe you're such a loser and you're not with her anymore kind of thing.

[Wendy]

Like, but he's closer friends with the ex than. Than he is close to me.

[Jen Hobby]

That's what I'm saying. Like, what. What message did you want to get sent?

[Wendy]

That you looked really good and that you regret treating me like crap.

[Jen Hobby]

Exactly. So I think that it's okay that it's a. That it's a big middle finger.

[Burt]

I don't think so.

[Antonio]

As long as it's.

[Burt]

You know, I got. I got love and respect for you, but I don't think you're strong enough to play that game. Like, if you. I don't think that you are strong enough to play the game that you're playing with this guy, even though he doesn't know you're playing it. Like, you want the wor get back to him that you're looking all good. Okay? So he's gonna hear that. So when he comes back, he's gonna want to contact you. If you were strong and you had really moved on and you had fallen in love with somebody else or you are you. The slate was clean. I say, great game playing. Fine. Do what you want to do. But I think that you're still weak. That when he calls, I think you're. You're sort of baiting him into a bad relationship. Again, a bad situation with you.

[The Birch Show Host]

I don't think you guys know.

[Burt]

Am I explaining that right?

[Fiji]

I see what you're saying.

[Antonio]

What you're saying you're not strong enough to handle it if he gets word. I think what Bert's saying is, if he gets word of how great you look, right. And then calls you as soon as. And says, hey, I hear you look great. I think everything.

[Burt]

It's cool.

[Antonio]

Let's go out and have dinner. You're not strong enough to say f

[Burt]

you, and then you're going to be in a bad situation.

[Wendy]

I don't think I would say yes to dinner at all. I don't even think I would say even answering a phone call.

[Antonio]

Would you talk to him if he came up to you in a.

[Caller]

No.

[Wendy]

I'd want him to see me, but I wouldn't want him to talk to you.

[Fiji]

But I'm trying to.

[Antonio]

You wouldn't want him to. If he did, would you talk back?

[Wendy]

I don't know.

[Fiji]

See, I think that we're in the middle ground because I agree with Jen. That's normal. I mean, I think anybody wants to look good if they see their ex in a club, you know, or Ex's friends.

[The Birch Show Host]

Yeah.

[Fiji]

I mean, I think that's normal behavior. It is that middle ground, though, if

[Burt]

you accidentally see them, she's saying she dressed up for them.

[Jen Hobby]

No, I've done that before, too. When you know your ex's friends are going to be there and that there's a potential report back, you want to look really good to me. It's the big middle finger, like.

[Fiji]

But I think.

[Jen Hobby]

Look how you know, like, oh, saw your ex. She's looking really, really good. That's the message that you want to get back. But. But I don't think that's what Wendy's doing.

[Fiji]

I think Wendy's at a disadvantage because she hasn't had boyfriends since then, like, really serious boyfriends since this guy. I think that this would be normal behavior if this was, you know, Joe Schmo that she had dated last year and that she saw as friends. I just think that I'm trying to interpret how dangerous this is for her because she really hasn't had a serious boyfriend since Antichrist.

[Burt]

And you told us the last time we talked about him, you're still there. Small part of you still attached to this guy. Like, if he meant nothing to you. I mentioned his name and it was just like any other name. Fine. Do what you want. But I think this game you're playing is going to bring him back to you. And you're going to end up making a very tough decision. And I don't think you're strong enough to make the right decision yet.

[Wendy]

I mean, you're. You might be right. I don't. I don't know. He's still kind of a crutch, you know? He was that crutch for me for however long. Almost two years. And then being two years removed and nothing serious, it just kind of sucks, you know?

[Fiji]

Do I have permission to call you Fiji if you go? Because I will.

[Wendy]

No, I won't do that.

[Burt]

Hey, Katie, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey. I just wanted to say that, Wendy, you're a strong girl and you don't need this crap in your life. You need to find that one guy that's not going to find every single flaw within you, because this guy's gonna find any flaw possible.

[Burt]

This guy has no idea how to unconditionally love you.

[Fiji]

She knows this, but she's still with a woman's emotions. It doesn't. You can say everything in the world, but as long as there's any kind of feeling there, it doesn't matter.

[Burt]

Okay, so what do you do, then. Okay, so here's the reality of it, is that she still has a grain of concern for this guy. She still has some kind of love for him. So what do you do then?

[Fiji]

It's like the. It's like the whole drug addiction thing. I said, it's up to Wendy to decide. She doesn't want it anymore. I mean, my Antichrist years ago, I slammed the door in her face. And I knew it's weird to say, but this was like. God, this is like when I was 24, and I remember that I was eating dinner, she randomly showed up to my house. I slammed the door in her face, and I went back to dinner, and I thought to myself, I'm actually still eating after slamming the door in her face, and I don't care. And that's when I knew I was over. And then it never once, you know, I've seen her since and talked to her and had no problem with it.

[Antonio]

And if you weren't ready for that, you would have slammed the door and then said, oh, my God, I made it feel better.

[Fiji]

I would have not let her leave. And so I think that it. Somehow Wendy's got to figure out when her moment of, I'm done with this, and you're not there yet.

[Wendy]

I wish I could say with 100% confidence I didn't want him. Like, I didn't want to see him or I didn't want to talk to him, but I can't say with 100% confidence. I could say with 95% confidence that I don't want to. But there's always that little.

[Antonio]

Well, that 95 goes down to about 40% once you do actually see him.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, it's true.

[Burt]

Here's Antonio.

[Antonio]

And then the minute you talk to him, down to 20%.

[John Daly]

Right.

[Burt]

Hey, Antonio. Good morning. You're on the Burt Show.

[Caller]

Hey, guys. Good morning. I just want to say to Wendy, that, baby, now that I have gotten to know you, you are a very strong woman. And no matter what, you know, I'm very proud of you, and I know that you're going to go through this, and it's no problem. Okay? I understand totally. When guys come and hurt you so bad, it's so hard to get rid of all that. But you're looking so good, and you're doing a very good.

[Antonio]

Hey, I'm gonna get his number and call him for advice randomly. It seems so wise coming from him.

[Burt]

Wendy and I had a brief talk about this the last time we talked about it on the air. And here's what I think Wendy needs is I think Wendy needs wins in the self esteem category, little wins that build her security. And I think handling this situation correctly could really be a huge win for you in you really finding some inner peace and love in yourself.

[Antonio]

Well, let's all hope she's not the first name drawn on Bobby Koskat's own eyes.

[Burt]

You know what I'm saying? Is that too deep? Does that sound corny?

[Jen Hobby]

No. I think so.

[Wendy]

Well, I feel comfortable in the Morse suit because I'm covered up.

[Fiji]

You can't see me.

[Jen Hobby]

But Sue, I think that Wendy does get a lot of little wins. She just doesn't put them in her win category.

[Burt]

Like what?

[Jen Hobby]

Like her dancing with Antonio and kicking butt on that Dancing with the Stars thing and looking amazing on the video and having a gajillion votes on the website. I think all of that's there to boost your confidence. It's. You've got to accept it.

[Wendy]

Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry.

[Jen Hobby]

You know, you've got to accept it and believe it and believe that you're worth it and believe that you're way worth more than this guy.

[Wendy]

And I wish I could have that feeling all the time, but I don't. Honestly, I don't. I don't have that feeling all the time. Doing the bikin con is, yeah, I had it for a moment, but I don't feel that every day.

[Fiji]

I think the problem with a dating antichrist is you're embarrassed at how you behave so much that you think you can never get over it because it's this constant wanting to try to fix it. It's like this, this mouse in the wheel that you spin and spin and spin and thinking you're going to improve upon it. Just let it go and eventually you forget about it, you know? Yeah. Because I think that any, especially with women I don't know, and guys too, maybe we all are inner perfectionists and we don't want to fail. And that seems like a failure when a relationship. We allow ourselves to be bad in a relationship, but just let it go. I mean, it happened. Fine.

[Caller]

Done.

[Burt]

You know, this to me falls under the same umbrella as you not feeling valued enough to go and ask for a raise.

[Fiji]

Yeah.

[Burt]

You don't feel valued enough to say to this guy when he comes up to you that I'm just too good for you. I'm not going to put up with this anymore. I think those where the wins come for you, you know?

[Fiji]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

I mean, you're probably. I mean, you're right.

[Jen Hobby]

Antonio sees it.

[Wendy]

We see it. No, you have to see it. Love me, Antonio.

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