Vault: Her Friend Is Cheating And She Wants To Address It

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – "Her Friend Is Cheating And She Wants To Address It"

Original Airdate: November 7, 2025
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others
Episode Context: Nicole (a pseudonym and using a voice disguiser) calls in to discuss a moral dilemma involving a friend who is cheating on her husband with multiple partners. Nicole feels trapped because of intersecting social circles and is unsure how to proceed.

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode centers around a listener's ethical and emotional struggle: Nicole has discovered a new friend is cheating on her husband, and their husbands are becoming friends. She feels uncomfortable keeping the secret, worried about personal consequences, and torn about whether — and how — to confront her friend or distance herself from the relationship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Nicole’s Dilemma: Friendship versus Morality

• Situation Overview (01:04–02:26)

  • Nicole is new to the area, has few friends, and admits her friendship is partly out of “desperation” (01:32).
  • Her friend — married with a small child — is cheating, sneaking out at night to see other men while the family sleeps.
  • Nicole details, “She’s not being faithful. And it’s not just one man … it’s like three. She will leave in the middle of the night once her child’s gone to sleep and go off and hook up” (01:40).

• Consequences of Knowing (03:53–04:14)

  • Complication: both couples are starting to bond (“Her husband and my husband are starting to become friends … he’ll make comments to my husband, and she’s sitting there kicking me under the table. So it’s so …” (03:53)).
  • Nicole worries about guilt by association and the perception others may have about her (“I don’t want my husband to think badly of me … because she’s my friend” (04:14)).

Gender Dynamics in Friendships

• Ending Friendships: Gender Differences (04:32–05:45)
  • The hosts discuss how men and women differ in ending problematic friendships.
  • Bert: “If Dolvett starts doing something that bugs you … you just kind of end the friendship, and that’s it” (04:32).
  • Observes it’s harder for women, who view relationships as intertwined with their identity.

Keeping or Sharing Secrets Between Couples

• The Couple “Package Deal” (06:04–08:25)
  • Debate: Do you keep secrets from your spouse if the secret involves another couple?
  • “I think you have to go into that knowing that if you confide into something with [one] spouse that’s true, then the other one is going to know” (06:12).
  • Some hosts believe a direct request for secrecy may still not guarantee privacy within couples.

Conflicting Loyalties & Practical Advice

• Nicole’s Husband’s Awareness (05:54–06:04)

  • Nicole confirms her husband doesn’t know about the cheating.
  • Hosts collectively urge that Nicole should tell her husband, especially since their husbands are getting closer. “You got to tell him, especially now that your husband is getting tight with the guy” (06:04).

• Listener Call & Personal Experience (09:35–10:03)

  • Amber calls in, sharing a similar experience: “I had nothing to do with her after that because she just disgusted me so much.…to me, that’s just something you don’t do in a marriage.”
  • This underscores how such situations rip through friend groups.

• Consensus: End the Friendship (10:03–10:54)

  • Bert sums up: “This is really much simpler than you’re making it out to be, and that’s get out of the friendship. If you don’t agree with it, you’re only in it because of desperation anyway. You don’t respect her. There’s too much to lose here.” (10:03)

  • Others reiterate that unless this friend was a childhood confidante, there is little reason to stay and risk one’s marriage, reputation, and peace of mind.

Further Reflection: Why Is It Harder for Women to End Friendships?

• Exploring Emotional Bonds (11:01–13:21)
  • Kristin and others discuss how women invest more in friendships, talking more frequently and sharing intimate details, making breakups harder.
  • “For us, if a girlfriend goes away, our life has changed forever.” (13:21)
  • By contrast, male friendships are lower-maintenance and often resume seamlessly after long absences.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Unfaithful Friend:

  • “She will leave in the middle of the night once her child’s gone to sleep and go off and hook up with one of these guys.” — Nicole (01:40)
  • “Her husband and my husband are starting to become friends … and she’s sitting there kicking me under the table.” — Nicole (03:53)

• On Male vs. Female Friendships:

  • “Do women have a difficult time ending friendships?” — Bert (05:01)
  • “Women, relationships … are what their life is about. So it’s either their friendships or their relationship with their partner or their children or … parents.” — Kristin (05:24)
  • “For us, if a girlfriend goes away, our life has changed forever.” — Kristin (13:21)
  • “It’s good being a guy. Y’all are too complicated.” — Bert (13:55)

• On Keeping Secrets Within Couples:

  • “The only thing that I would [keep from a spouse] is if it was about Ryan or Stacy, and that would almost compel you more to tell them.” — Abby (07:06)
  • “If someone tells me straight up, this is between you and I, then it’s between you and I. I would not tell Stacy.” — Bert (08:16)

• On the Advice:

  • “Get out of the friendship. If you don’t agree with it, you’re only in it because of desperation anyway. You don’t respect her. There’s too much to lose here, so get out.” — Bert (10:03)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:04 — Nicole introduces her situation and concern
• 01:40 — Revelations on the cheating friend’s behavior
• 03:53 — Couples becoming closer: Nicole’s anxiety rises
• 04:32–05:45 — Gender differences in ending friendships
• 06:04–08:25 — Debate over secrets within couples
• 09:38–10:03 — Listener Amber shares a similar experience
• 10:03–10:54 — Hosts unanimously advise Nicole to end the friendship
• 11:01–13:21 — Discussions on emotional closeness and maintenance in male and female friendships

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Takeaways

• The hosts are unanimous: Nicole should end the friendship, tell her husband, and avoid further entanglement.
• Hiding this information can lead to larger personal and relational consequences.
• The show offers insights into gendered approaches to friendships, loyalty, and boundaries between personal and couple relationships.
• The episode blends humor, empathy, and real talk — typical of The Bert Show’s tone — while navigating genuinely sticky life dilemmas.

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Transcript

[Knox]

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[Host (The Birch Show)]

The Birch Show Good morning, Nicole. Not her real name. How are you this morning?

[Nicole]

I'm fine. How are you?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Good. You're on the voice disguiser. All right, so you're in one of these sticky relationships. This is friend related, though. And you're looking at your friend and you're like, man, she is not what I thought she was.

[Nicole]

Exactly. I haven't lived in the area very long, so I don't have that many friends. And so I would hate to lose her as a friend, but it's just getting way too complicated.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

So right off the bat, it's a friendship out of desperation.

[Nicole]

Yes.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

All right.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

What is she doing that is turning you off so much?

[Nicole]

Well, she's married. She has a small child. She's not being faithful. And it's not just with one man. She's not being. I mean, not just one man. It's like three. And she will leave in the middle of the night once her child's gone to sleep and go off and hook up with one of these guys.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Leave her child alone at the house?

[Nicole]

No, with her. She'll leave it with her husband. While her husband and her child are.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Sleeping, where does she tell her husband she's going? Or does she just sneak out like a, like Like Jen Hobby in high.

[Nicole]

School, she sneaks out and she says that her husband doesn't know she's sneaking out, but I couldn't imagine him not knowing that she's sneaking out.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

This is a pure case of a guy knowing what's going on and chooses not to look at it because there's. There's no way Jessica.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Jessica could sneak out on me and I wouldn't know.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

No way.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

I mean, I lie down at the end of the night. Like, she's up later than me every night, and she's upstairs working. Like, if it happened every night, I can't. I don't. I don't wake up in the middle of the night, look for her.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Not a chance.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Is Jessica your friend?

[Nicole]

Yeah. I mean, she's fine.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Now he's talking about his Jessica.

[Nicole]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Yeah, but y' all don't have kids, so it's not her.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

As soon as. If my wife was leaving, if she would get out of bed, I would feel the bed move and I would get up. There's just. He's. I'm assuming, choosing not to know. But I guess that's not even the point.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

How do you know this friend? Do you. Did you meet her through work or.

[Nicole]

Yeah, I met her through work. And not. I mean, I'm trying not to give too much away because, you know, I just don't want her to know that I'm talking about her. But, yeah, I guess you could say it was through work.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

So even when. If you decide to intervene either in her relationship or give her some, like, really, like, tough advice, or whether you ditch her, you're still gonna have to see her. That's sort of what I was getting at.

[Nicole]

Yeah, I would still have to see her.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

This is what sucks also, when you're screwing around like this, when you bring your friends into the mix also and you tell them what's going on, it just screws up everything on so many different levels.

[Nicole]

Well, her husband and my husband are starting to become friends.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Oh, no.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Oh, no.

[Nicole]

And so, you know, we've gone to dinner, and, you know, he'll make comments to my husband, and she's sitting there kicking me under the table. So it's.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

So. It's like your own inside joke. And she's. She's very superficial about it, and it's really, really bothering you.

[Nicole]

Oh, yeah. And, you know, I don't, you know, and I don't want my husband to think, you know, badly of me. You know what I'm saying? Because she's my friend. I don't want people to think that I'm associate, you know, that I'm doing anything like that.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Right, Right.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Or you can donate.

[Nicole]

Right.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

And you know what is. And this is probably too broad of a subject for this, but I have noticed a trend, like with. With women. Because I think guys, if. Or you. Let's say you have a guy friend, let's say Dolvett starts doing something that bugs you. You know what I mean? Like, and it to the point where it's like, offensively bugging you. Like, you just kind of end the friendship and that's it. And so be it.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

There's no talk. There's no weenie. It's just like, stop calling. Right.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Do women have a difficult time ending friendships?

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Yes.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Like, I know multiple women who are dealing, who are in friendships and talk openly about how they don't like the person that they're friends with, but there's nothing they can do about it. I think women, for whatever reason, I'm like, well, there is something you can do about it. You end the friendship, and they're like, ah, it's more complicated than that. No mutual people, blah, blah, just end it.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Well, there. Women, relationships. It doesn't even have to be a relationship with a guy. Women's relationships is what their life is about. So it's either their friendships or their relationship with their partners or their relationship with their children or with their parents. And that's just what permeates a woman's mind and her heart, and that's what is her priority. And so I do think that it is complicated for her just to break off a friendship.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Nicole, what are you looking for? Just a little advice on exactly what to do.

[Nicole]

Yes.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

404-741-1005. Maybe you've been in this situation before.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

I have a quick question for you. Does your husband know what she's doing?

[Nicole]

No.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

So you're keeping this secret from your husband as well, right?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah. This is bad all the way around. You gotta tell him, especially now that your husband is getting tight with the guy.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Yeah, but then the husband might feel obligated to tell the guy what's going on.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Like, I think you have to go into. If you are friends with a married couple, I think you have to go into that knowing that if you confide into something with the spouse that's true, then the other one is gonna know. Like, you don't tell anymore. Like, don't. Don't tell me a secret you don't want Jessica to know. Because when I say to you, oh, God, of course I won't tell anyone else, I mean, anyone else except for Jessica.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Yep.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Makes sense.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

So I think really, like, I. There are things that I still even won't tell Stacy. I will keep secrets from her. If someone tells me straight up, this is between you and I, then it's between you and I. I. I would.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Never ask someone who's in a couple to keep it from the other partner. Unless it was about that partner. Like, unless it was something super that they didn't need to know. It would still be difficult for me to tell Jen something that I don't want Ryan to know. Like, even if it's a gift I got for Ryan or whatever, it would be hard for me to say Jen, okay, don't tell Ryan. I just know better than to. To do that, because I do. I agree with Jeff. I think it's a. It's a package deal.

You have to be specific. If you want that secret kept from the spouse, you have to specifically detail.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

That out, and you have to be careful, because why would you. Like. The only thing that I would tell Jen something not to tell Ryan or tell you something not to tell Stacy is if it was about Ryan or Stacy, and that would almost compel you more to tell them. Like, if I said, look, don't tell Ryan I told you this, but he's about to get kicked out of Sister Hazel. Like, what's the first thing you're gonna do?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Well, then, of course, you know what I mean?

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Like, it's a tough.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

And the only gift scenario I gave is because I may need Jen's help in order to do something for Ryan or, you know, for you guys. But that's the only time I can think that I would divide a couple.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Hey, don't tell Ryan, but I'm gonna get him tickets to this concert.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Yeah. So make sure he doesn't get them.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah, I feel differently about that. Nicole, hold on one sec. We're gonna get you some here.

[Nicole]

All right?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

I think in this case, because it's all four of them, it's couple related. I would have to tell Stacy the reason why I don't want to hang out with that group anymore. And then I just wouldn't see them again because they are the reason we both, as a couple, would not be able to see them. I would have to share that secret. But in most cases, like, if Jen, if you told me something and you said, look, I'm having pro. I'm having a problem in this area, I just Wish you'd keep it between you and I. I wouldn't. I would not tell Stacey. That is just between you and I.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

See. I think it would be up to me to specifically tell you not to tell Stacy, because I would just assume anything I told you, she would know, too. I just assume that.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Really?

[Male Caller/Commentator]

And even if you say that, I don't believe you.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Right.

Even.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Even if you say because of the marriage thing, like, I. Like, I don't believe that in a ca. Like, if you say, okay, I won't tell. I don't know what it could be like, Bert, I need help. I got $50,000 on my amex and I don't have any money to pay it off. And I don't know what to do. And I don't know how to talk to Jessica. Don't tell Stacy. Right. Like that's what I say to you.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Yeah.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

And you go, okay.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

But then, like, I don't tell Stacey.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Right. But two weeks later, a conversation comes up where, you know, you're talking about debt or something like that. Go, look, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but really, you can believe it.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Or not, but I wouldn't tell stacey.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

I got $50,000 in debt, credit card, and I need to borrow 50 grand from you.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Hold on a second. I gotta call Stacy.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Unless you have to borrow money from Bert, at which point he needs to call Stacy to get the PIN number to the bank account.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Hey, Amber. Good morning, Amber.

[Nicole]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Turn down your radio.

[Amber]

Turn it up.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Down.

[Amber]

Okay.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Sideways.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

We only got a second. Go ahead.

[Nicole]

Okay.

[Amber]

No, I was stuck in the same situation where a friend kind of put me in the middle of the. Her cheating. We actually had another mutual friend that told her husband. He chose not to believe it. We all treated her different because the fact is that she stuck us all in the middle. And I had nothing to do with her after that because she just disgusted me so much. I mean, that. To me, that's just something you don't do in a marriage.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah. This is one that we don't have to spend a lot of time on here, Nicole. Because I can't find anybody that doesn't have the opinion that isn't. This is really much more simple than you're making it out to be, and that's get out of the friendship. If you don't agree with it, you're only in it because of desperation. Anyway, you don't respect her. There's too much to lose here, so get out. And everybody is saying the same thing.

[Nicole]

Okay?

[Female Caller/Commentator]

I think the Only way in. The only case in which you would be torn as much as you seem to be is if it was a childhood friend or a long term friend. And you don't want to let that go. But if this is somebody you met through work and, like, you know, I mean, it's. It's really. And then if your husband is becoming friends, and then he may associate you with that and it ruins your relationship, it is not worth that.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

And if he finds out you knew all along.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Yeah.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Oh, yeah. Just get out.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Tell your husband.

Tell your husband, then get out.

Yeah, right.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Nicole, I would spend more time on this if there was anything controversial about it, but everybody's calling up saying the exact same thing.

[Nicole]

Okay.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

I really would because I'm fascinated by the whole. The difference between guys and girls and stuff. Like, why? What is it that prevents you, if there's someone you don't like, from ending that friendship?

[Female Caller/Commentator]

I don't know. It just. It depends on every situation. I think, like, she's probably concerned she's still gonna have to see her at work. So it's something where, if it ends badly, you don't wanna have to see them at work every single day. Cause that would be uncomfortable. Or if you're tied in through other friends, you don't wanna make your other friends choose whether to pick you or to pick that other girl. I think it just depends on that friend and how you're connected to them.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

How many calls would you have to make to one of your friends before he stops calling you back?

[Host (The Birch Show)]

It depends how many times we've gone out, like you said, if it was Dolvette and we have this history of years of friendship together. If I call him 4, 5, 6 times and he doesn't call me back, I guess after about, like, the sixth or seventh time, I'd go, okay, something's up. Yeah, but if it was somebody that I hadn't known that long.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

But, like, with Dolvett, you could say you'd leave him a voicemail going, hey, we, you know, we're good friends here, and you're not calling me back. Is everything cool? And then when he doesn't call you back, you gotta figure, all right, it's over, right?

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Like, girls can consider how girls have friendships and how you have friendships. Like, tell me, how many friends does Jessica talk to on a weekly basis?

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Well, she has her, like, best best friend. California.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Yep.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

And then she's got her best, best best friend, and then her best friend. No, I mean, I don't know, like.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

Probably Four or five women in her life that she talks to regularly, like they know what's going on in your relationship. What happened with Sasha? What new tricks she learned, what Gugu did yesterday. I mean, like, five of them now answer the same questions for you.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

I don't have any friends.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

I mean, men and women are just different about their friendships. I mean, you know, I mean, my husband has some great friends, but one of his, like, best friends, who he considers his best friend, he talks to, like, once every three, four months.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Oh, yeah, that's plenty.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

They touch base. You know, they call maybe on birthdays or if they're coming through town or whatever, and that's it. And that's like his best friend from growing up or whatever. And if you ask my husband, who's your best friends, that guy's on the list. And I'm like, you don't ever talk to him.

Jessica would worry. Women would worry if that much time had gone without talking to one of our friends.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Now, if they called me, like, more than that, more than every two or three months, it'd be weird. It would just be annoying.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

So that's the difference. I mean, there's already distance between you guys and your friends. If they go away, it's like your life doesn't change that much. For us, if a girlfriend goes away, our life has changed forever.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Jessica actually got mad at me. When. How long ago was it when Checkaway moved up to Philadelphia? He was up there for six months. We spoke once. He's still up there. We haven't spoke since. He's gone back. He came back for a weekend during that thing. Jessica. We were all sitting around. Jessica brought. Hey, how many times did you guys. We're like, once on the phone in six months. Then he comes back and we're like.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Hey, pick up where you left off.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

Go get some beers, whatever.

[Host (The Birch Show)]

Yeah, it's good being a guy. Y' all are too complicated.

[Female Caller/Commentator]

No kidding.

[Male Caller/Commentator]

The Birch Show.

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[Knox]

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[Host (The Birch Show)]

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