Vault: Her friend might have a drinking problem

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Her Friend Might Have a Drinking Problem

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into a listener’s concern about a close friend's potentially dangerous drinking habits. The cast discusses the delicate line between youthful excess and alcoholism, exploring how to address risky behavior in a caring, non-judgmental way. Listeners offer their own stories and advice, creating a candid, supportive conversation about friendship, intervention, and the realities of growing up in a drinking culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Wendy’s Dilemma: Is it Time for an Intervention?

[02:00–03:15]

• Wendy brings her worries to the show, explaining that her close friend’s drinking has escalated, leading to blackouts—most recently a concerning incident over the weekend.
• She recounts patterns: starting out with a drink or two, then quickly losing control, forgetting events, and sometimes vomiting or needing to be driven home.
• Wendy: “I really feel like I need to drive her to a clinic or just at least express it to her, but I'm not sure really how to.” (02:59)

2. Is Blacking Out “Normal” at 22 or a Warning Sign?

[03:15–04:40]

• The cast debates whether her friend’s behavior is typical for a 22-year-old or a sign of something more troubling.
• Bert jokes about the thin line between being a college-age drinker and “an alcoholic,” reflecting on his own past:
  • “You could play a game of alcoholic or 22 years old, right?” (03:36)
• Friend 3 questions the frequency: “That's a lot of blackouts.” (03:50)

3. Defining a “Blackout” and Its Impact

[04:04–05:16]

• Wendy and the team clarify that “blacking out” doesn’t mean passing out, but acting with no memory of events while still active.
• Wendy describes her friend’s latest episode: after a few drinks, she became aggressive, yelled at bartenders, tried to re-enter the club, verbally lashed out at friends—behavior out of character for her.

4. The Age Factor & Personal Experience

[06:14–07:26]

• Bert and the others admit it’s hard to distinguish problematic behavior at that age, since heavy drinking is normalized.
• Bert: “I was really such a heavy drinker and all my friends were such heavy drinkers when I was 21 or 22 years old that I don't know what the difference between being like an alcoholic and just being 22 would be.” (06:14)
• Friend 2 notes it may be more dangerous for women, and Friend 3 points out most people don’t black out that frequently, even at 22.

5. How to Approach a Friend About Their Drinking

[09:02–11:14]

• Listeners call in to share strategies:
  • Caller 1: “Once you reach the state of blackout drunk, each time you drink after that, it's easier and easier and easier to get to that point.” (10:01)
• The show discusses how to start an honest but gentle conversation, focusing on expressing concern rather than making accusations.
• Caller 2 suggests: “...just ask her how she feels about when she goes out and she has to call people to recollect the night before... I have some concerns for you, and just see how she feels about it for herself.” (11:14)

6. Can She Stop? Patterns of Denial and Recurrence

[09:27–11:57]

• Wendy observes her friend repeatedly vows not to drink after a bad episode but quickly returns to it.
  • “Even after that incident that happened this weekend, the next day, drinking.” (09:27)
• She worries her feedback isn’t sinking in: “I can tell her all day long... and it's like in one ear, out the other.” (12:02)

7. Practical Suggestions: Change the Routine, Provide Perspective

[12:22–13:29]

• Friend 2 offers two actionable ideas:
  1. Plan sober hangouts—dinner or a movie instead of drinking—to show friendship doesn’t have to center on alcohol.
     • Wendy hesitates: “I don't know if we could ever do just dinner in a movie without a drink.” (13:19)
     • Bert: “Yeah, that's not good.” (13:25)
  2. Video record (with consent) a night’s behavior to help her friend see the reality—recalling the famous David Hasselhoff burger incident as an example.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On awkward interventions:
  • Friend 1 (playfully): “Bert, we brought you in here because we love you and because we care about you.” (02:19)
• On blackouts:
  • Wendy: “She called me the next morning because she had no idea she even woke up at her mom's house.” (04:44)
• On patterns that raise red flags:
  • Friend 2: “She can't have a casual drink. She can't have one. She's either running for the finish line or none at all.” (09:40)
• On denial:
  • Wendy: “I've talked to her about her drinking... she doesn't think it's out of control, but I'm on the outside looking in and watching her, and I'm concerned...” (12:02)
• On video interventions:
  • Bert: “Yeah, I said to you guys, man, I want you guys to take the camera and video me when I get drunk because I want to see what it looks like. But I think I sort of tempered my drinking before that. I think just the thought of it freaked me out.” (13:08)

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Timeline of Important Segments

• 02:00 — Wendy describes her friend’s drinking, sparking the main discussion.
• 03:33 — Cast clarifies age (22) and the dilemma.
• 04:14 — Defining blackout and discussing recent alarming incident.
• 06:14 — Bert and friends reflect on their own youthful drinking and the blurry line with alcoholism.
• 09:02 — Listener calls; real-life stories and medical insight into blackout drinking.
• 11:14 — Practical tips on how to broach concern with a friend.
• 12:22 — Advice on sober hangouts and video feedback.

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Takeaways

• Recognizing problematic drinking in youth is complicated by cultural norms around alcohol.
• Blacking out multiple times, especially with increasingly dangerous or aggressive behavior, is a real cause for concern, even in one’s early 20s.
• Intervention is best approached with compassion, focusing on care rather than confrontation.
• Practical suggestions include changing up social routines and, if appropriate, gently helping friends see their own behavior.
• The Bert Show creates a safe space for these honest, sometimes humorous, sometimes serious conversations—making listeners feel supported in handling sensitive life situations.

Transcript

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[Wendy]

The Birch show so I need to know if I need to stage an intervention or whether I have a place to stage an intervention with one of my friends who I have a feeling may be a bit of an alcoholic and it's one of my really close friends and I'm just really Concerned at this point because of something that happened just last weekend.

[Friend 1]

Bert, we brought you in here because we love you and because we care about you.

[Wendy]

No, I mean, what if we did that?

[Bert]

We've got a letter to read to you, Bert.

[Friend 1]

We've all written down

[Friend 2]

Stacy, Gigi. Everybody starts walking in.

[Bert]

Some of those people on that list that you just named, I would have a letter myself to read back to them.

[Wendy]

I mean, of course, we love to go out, and we love to have a few cocktails here and there, but it seems like this weekend, it just got way out of control. And even before this weekend, we. We had a party that we went to, and it just got out of control. The drinking started with, like, one glass of wine, and then it became two, and then it became. She had no idea we were even at the same party, and I ended up having to drive her home, and she threw up. But this weekend completely changed my thought process, and. And I. I really feel like I need to drive her to a clinic or just at least express it to her, but I'm not sure really how to.

[Bert]

So she's going to a point where she's, like, blacking out whenever she drinks.

[Wendy]

Well, this weekend, she did black out, and this is probably maybe the fifth or sixth time that she's had a blackout, and she's only 22 years old.

[Friend 2]

The fifth or sixth time, like, ever.

[Friend 3]

Ever.

[Friend 2]

Six time that you've known. You guys have been friends that she's told me about.

[Bert]

Okay, you said she's how old?

[Wendy]

She's 22.

[Bert]

22, okay. That does change things a little bit.

[Wendy]

I mean.

[Bert]

I mean, you could play a game of alcoholic or 22 years old, right?

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Friend 3]

And maybe that's. I mean, because I could see where you'd be conflicted, because it's like, well, you're 22. You know, like, it's different if you have six or seven blackouts in your 40. But if you're 22, I could see where you're like, well, but still, that's a lot of blackouts.

[Wendy]

Yeah. I mean, one is, like, normal. Like, everybody has their one. I mean, I know it's not normal. Normal, Burt.

[Friend 3]

Okay.

[Bert]

Yeah. You know, it's all relative.

[Friend 1]

One per what? What are we looking? Six months, three months?

[Wendy]

Like, even lifetime. Like, I think I've, of course, blacked out maybe one time, but that was when I was way younger, but I haven't blacked out since, and I know my limit, and I know.

[Friend 1]

Define blackout. Like, she's.

[Friend 2]

I was gonna say that, too. I Don't really know exactly what.

[Friend 1]

That's not passing out on the floor of the closet.

[Wendy]

You're not passing out. You're very awake, and you're aware. It's almost like an unconscious. But you're awake, and it's just because of alcohol. You have no recollection of what you've done the night before, but you're still up, and people can tell you what you're doing.

[Bert]

I need to loosen that definition a little bit.

[Friend 1]

Yeah, hold on. I've got to do an intervention, too. Dear Jeff, I called you here because I love you, because you are me.

[Bert]

What happened to you? What happened to her last week? And that has really got you thinking. Okay, she really needs help.

[Wendy]

She called me the next morning because she had no idea she even woke up at her mom's house. So she woke up at her mom's house. The first phone call she made was to me. She's like, wendy, I have no idea how I even got here. And I'm like, okay, explain to me what happened. She had went and had a couple margaritas before. She went out with her mom and a couple of friends afterwards and went out to a nightclub. So she had two margaritas and a shot. That's all she could remember. And she's like, I've been getting all these phone calls and text messages this morning on crazy stuff I was doing. And I was like, well, what were you doing?

[Friend 1]

Did you say she was out with her mom?

[Wendy]

Yeah, she started out with her mom. Her mom ended up leaving her with her other friends because they were just going out and about and having a good time. Apparently, after that shot, she has no recollection of the rest of the night. She was yelling at bartenders to give her a bottle of vodka. She was yelling for shots like, these are good friends at this point. Like, I've never even heard of this coming from her. Like, angry yelling, like, for alcohol. More alcohol, more alcohol. She apparently was dragged out of the club, was clawing her way to get into the club to get more alcohol. When she was finally put into the car, tried to jump out of the window to go back into the club to get more alcohol. Like, and apparently she doesn't remember any of that. She has no idea. She actually yelled at a good friend of hers, like, just cussed her out for no reason, Calling her a crazy bee. And it's like, you're not a person I ever want to be around and just telling all these good people around her that they're just not worth being around.

[Bert]

I really don't feel like I have, I mean, quite honestly, like a very good access point here because I was really such a heavy drinker and all my friends were such heavy drinkers when I was 21 or 22 years old that I don't know what the difference between being like an alcoholic and just being 22 would be.

[Friend 1]

Yeah, I vote 22 year old girl.

[Bert]

I just don't know.

[Wendy]

I mean, but she doesn't act like this when we drink and we get drunk, you know, and I try to stay more sober than her just to take care of her, just to make watch out for her. She's never had that mean personality come out. She's never had this crazy like, mean, like aggressive like behavior before. And I think this weekend it took it to a whole new level by being more aggressive, especially to people she loves.

[Friend 2]

She's a fan. Like to me though that she's open to talking about it because she called you to say this is what happened. She already has confided in you that she was embarrassed about her behavior. She couldn't believe what she did, that she didn't remember it. So she's already sort of confessed at least that part of it to you. She probably was still buzzed when she made that phone call. So I wonder if sober she'd still be open to it. But it sounds to me like she'd be open and talking to you about it so that you could say, listen, like I think we need, you know, like I think you need to maybe change some things so that, so that it doesn't become a bigger problem.

[Bert]

I've never, I mean you just don't hear a lot of 22 year olds that confess that they're alcoholics. I think because of the age, you know, chances are pretty good that so

[Friend 2]

many of us are sort of social, you know, environment that it's, it's made like normal.

[Bert]

You can probably realize it by like 28 or 30 or something like that when you start losing jobs and stuff like that. I just don't know too many 22 year olds that say I'm an alcoholic and I know it unless they have a family history of it. You know, they saw it, they saw their parents.

[Friend 1]

Doesn't everybody in their not dismissing the behavior because it's very dangerous and it's scary, but doesn't everybody have a period in their lives where they ran hard?

[Friend 3]

But I didn't black out six or seven or eight times. I didn't black out every time I went out and I didn't have to get so violently drunk every time I went out at 22, 23.

[Friend 1]

But I think. I don't know. I just think we're using the term blackout. I mean, everybody has. If they go out and you have a big night out, I don't think it's unusual to have. Wait a minute.

[Caller 1]

We.

[Friend 1]

I don't even. I don't remember seeing him.

[Bert]

I can say for myself at 22. And I'm not saying I didn't have a drinking problem at 22. And I'm not saying I didn't have a drinking problem at 42. But at 22, I think every time I went out, I probably got. Not blackout drunk, but. But stupid.

[Friend 3]

Well, I just think. But I see you know her better than we do. And if you're concerned that. I think it's instinctual. And I think that it is dangerous for somebody to not know how they got where they got almost every time they go out, like.

[Friend 2]

And it's a different attitude for a woman, too. That's incredibly more dangerous for Wendy's friend to do that than for you at 22 to do that.

[Bert]

You know, identifying it is so tough

[Friend 2]

not knowing how she got home and all that stuff.

[Bert]

Here's Barbara. Good morning, Barbara. You're on The Burt Show Q100.

[Friend 1]

Hey.

[Caller 2]

Hi.

[Caller 1]

I have a comment about your situation. I have a friend who is an alcoholic, and she keeps saying, oh, I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop. But deep down, she doesn't want to stop. And Wendy and her friend intervention wouldn't be the thing unless she wants to stop.

[Bert]

Do you hear your friend saying that, I gotta stop doing this.

[Caller 2]

I gotta stop doing it?

[Wendy]

It's almost every time, like the morning after we wake up, even going out, it's like, I can't drink anymore. I don't wanna drink anymore. And then will go out and it's more drinking. Even after that incident that happened this weekend, the next day, drinking.

[Friend 2]

So she can't have a casual drink. She can't have one. She's either running for the finish line or none at all.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Bert]

So she identifies that and she's not having a good time.

[Wendy]

Well, she's having a good time. I mean, it doesn't seem to bother her. I mean, except for that one incident. But then this week, it was drinking again.

[Bert]

Here's Alison. Good morning, Allison. You're on The Burt Show Q100.

[Caller 1]

Hey, how are you guys doing?

[Friend 1]

Okay.

[Bert]

What's up?

[Caller 1]

One of the things you can tell your friend is once you reach the state of blackout drunk. Each time you drink after that, it's easier and easier and easier to get to that point.

[Friend 2]

Really?

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Why is that? I have a friend that eventually she got so bad that she. She woke up Easter morning naked in some guy's yard, chasing his dog with an ax, and she'd had two drinks.

[Bert]

Oh, jeez.

[Caller 1]

I used to have to go pick her up from bars. And when we finally got her help, one of the things the doctors are telling us is once you reach that blackout state, it's easier to trigger it every time. And the stuff they do gets crazier and crazier.

[Friend 1]

Did you just say that you picked her up Easter morning running through a yard?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Chasing a dog with an axe.

[Friend 3]

Yeah. That's not normal.

[Bert]

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[Friend 2]

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[Bert]

Here is Emily. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

Good morning, guys. Love your show. You know, Wendy, I think you're doing a great thing. I think that you are already seeing the signs in your friend that she has the definite potential to become an alcoholic. And you definitely should not ignore these signs.

[Bert]

How does the conversation start? Like, it's gonna be probably uncomfortable for Wendy, although it may be easier because you say that even your friend is starting to identify it now. So what are the first words you use?

[Caller 2]

You know, just, like, when you guys are out one time, just ask her how she feels about when she goes out and she has to call people to recollect the night before. You know, if she has a problem with it, if she has any guilt. Ask her if, you know, the next day if she's embarrassed or, you know, ever feels any guilt or think she has a problem. And then Wendy can you can just say, you know, I don't know, you know, exactly what it is to be an alcoholic, but I have some concerns for you, and just see how she feels about it for herself.

[Bert]

How do you think she'd take that?

[Wendy]

I see. I don't know, because every time I talk to her after the night before, she's like, oh, what happened? Did we have fun? I mean, there's no guilt there on her part. It's just we had a fun night drinking. The only time she ever felt guilt was that night that she got blacked out again.

[Bert]

Will she feel like you're attacking her? Or will she feel like it's coming from a loving place? Because you guys are like, I mean, Tight, Tight.

[Wendy]

I mean, I've. I've talked to her about her drinking, and if it's out of control and she doesn't think it's out of control, but I'm on the outside looking in and watching her, and I'm concerned, but she doesn't see the concern I have. I can tell her all day long to watch what you drink, make sure you're not over obsessing, and it's like in one ear, out the other.

[Friend 2]

I have two tidbits for you, I think. One is that the next time you talk with her, you can say that we can still be friends and hang out and not drink, because I think that that's also the fear. So I would say maybe suggest the next time you guys out, go do dinner and a movie and do something that has nothing to do with alcohol and have a really good girl time. And then I would say my second suggestion is to take or take and borrow somebody's flip. Flip cam.

[Bert]

Oh, Lord, that's shocking.

[Friend 2]

Next time you guys go out together, and if she's gonna go there and if she's gonna go over the top and yell at the bartenders and whatever else, I think it would be hard to do. But you, as a friend, just videotape.

[Bert]

It's like you pull a Hasselhoff. Remember when we got that video of Hasselhoff?

[Friend 1]

Didn't you want to do that at one point, Bert?

[Bert]

Yeah, I said to you guys, man, I want you guys to take the camera and video me when I get drunk because I want to see what it looks like. But I think I sort of tempered my drinking before that. I think just the thought of it freaked me out.

[Friend 2]

Right.

[Wendy]

I think that's a great idea. And I don't know if we could ever do just dinner in a movie without a drink.

[Bert]

Really?

[Friend 3]

Oh, that's not good.

[Bert]

Yeah, that's not good. I mean, at least you're coming from a loving place, and I think she'll understand that, you know?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

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