Vault: Her Husband Feel Replaced By His Wife's "Toys"

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode Title: Vault: Her Husband Feels Replaced By His Wife's “Toys”
Release Date: March 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into a sensitive, funny, and real conversation about intimacy and sexual dynamics within marriages, specifically focusing on a husband feeling “replaced” after introducing adult toys into the bedroom. The cast—Bert, Melissa, Dave, guest Stacy, and callers—discuss concerns, communication, misunderstandings, and humor related to adult “toys” (referred to as “Bobs”—Battery Operated Boyfriends). The show balances candid listener stories, playful banter, and sincere advice for couples navigating changes in their physical relationship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introduction of “Bob” and Husband's Insecurity (00:45–02:39)

• Bert describes the scenario of a married couple (together ~7–8 years) trying to “mix it up.” The husband introduces his wife to “Bob” (adult toy) hoping to spice up their intimacy.
• Initially, the wife is hesitant but becomes a fan; ironically, the husband (who suggested it) now feels sidelined as she enjoys it more, leading to intimacy decreasing for both.
• Quote:
  “So it was husband's suggestion in both cases to bring Bob into the bedroom. ... They try it and lo and behold, she likes it a lot. So much so that now he feels like he’s getting a lot less because Bob is getting more.”
  —Bert, (01:37–02:20)

Communication is Key (02:39–05:13)

• Melissa emphasizes the necessity for open dialogue: “Anytime a couple's changing any routine in the bedroom, they have to open those lines of communication.” (02:39)
• Dave and Stacy discuss the idea of having “Bob-free zones” or sessions, but Bert notes the husband’s worry that his wife might use Bob on her own in secret—prompting a light-hearted mention of “Bob infidelity.”
• Group agrees: avoiding tough conversations only worsens misunderstandings about mismatched libidos or emotional needs.

Callers Weigh In: Real Stories, Real Solutions

• Caller Laura (06:00–06:40):
  Humorously suggests that if a husband feels neglected, he should use hand lotion in bed to “threaten” her—an idea the cast quickly labels “passive-aggressive and unhealthy,” reinforcing the need for actual conversation.

  • Notable Quote:
    “That doesn’t seem healthy at all.” —Dave, (06:19)

• Caller Kara #1: How Bob Became Standard (06:50–07:49)

  • Shares that her husband introduced Bob early in their marriage, and now it’s a necessary part of their intimacy.
  • She confirms she “can’t get there” without Bob, which Bert and Dave find disappointing from a partner’s perspective.
  • Key Exchange:
    Bert: “So what you’re saying is without Bob here, that would not be nearly as good with your husband?”
    Kara: “Exactly, yes.” (07:38–07:43)

• Caller Kara #2: Intimidation & Toy “Kidnapping” (08:29–09:46)

  • Bought a toy at a party, but her boyfriend felt insecure due to its size. She suspects he purposely “misplaced” it because he was “intimidated.”
  • Joking dialogue ensues (e.g., “Carrying it over her shoulder… She has to put one of those reflective tapes on the back of it...”), showing how the issue ties into male insecurity about physical endowment.

• Caller Peggy: The Secret Bob Routine (10:11–11:24)

  • Peggy admits she was late due to a “morning session” with Bob and reveals she often does this behind her husband's back.
  • Her husband thinks Bob is “dead,” but Peggy says, “Bob’s been resurrected. ...He’s at full charge.” (11:15–11:17)
  • This segment further underscores the secrecy and potential misunderstandings when couples don’t talk about such habits.

Reflections & Humor from the Cast

• The team maintains a playful, supportive tone throughout, encouraging frankness while riffing on the idea of “Bob.” They joke about toys’ sizes, the perils of lost Bobs, and toy “resurrections.”
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Are there women listening right now to the show that know their husbands or boyfriends would be shocked by how many times that they go and pay Bob a visit each week?” —Bert, (05:13)
  • “If it doesn’t hurt their sex life and it just adds to her libido, then go for it.” —Dave, (04:19)
  • “For some women, once it’s introduced to them, it’s really difficult for them to be able to do anything without it.” —Melissa, (07:24)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:45 — Bert Introduces the Central Question/Story
• 02:39 — Melissa: Communication is Key
• 05:13 — Bert Opens Up to Listeners/Call for Stories
• 06:00 — Caller Laura’s Suggestion (Hand Lotion Plot)
• 06:50 — Caller Kara: “Bob” is Now Standard in the Bedroom
• 08:29 — Caller Kara: Toy Intimidation and “Misplacement”
• 10:11 — Caller Peggy: Secret Bob Usage and Toy Resurrection

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Memorable and Notable Moments

• “Battery Operated Boyfriends” (Bobs): Running joke and central euphemism sparks laughter and openness.
• Male Insecurity Theme: Callers and hosts alike explore how male pride can be affected by adult toys, especially if larger/“better.”
• Bob Going Missing: Implies deeper issues of trust/communication—“He kidnapped Bob!”
• Bob’s “Resurrection”: Hilarious take by Peggy on sneaking new batteries in and “bringing Bob back from the dead.”

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Conclusion & Summary Insight

The Bert Show uses their trademark blend of honesty and humor to explore how adult “toys”—introduced with good intentions—can complicate relationship dynamics if communication breaks down. The episode is filled with funny repartee and genuine wisdom: couples need to talk openly, be honest about needs, and avoid passive-aggressive games. Listeners shared authentic, sometimes hilarious stories, showing the universal and relatable nature of these issues in long-term relationships.

The message: If a “Bob” gets between you and your partner, don’t just “replace the batteries”—open up the conversation.

Transcript

[Melissa]

Are you really buying a car online on autotrader right now?

[Adrian]

Really? I can get super specific with dealer

[Melissa]

listings and see cars based on my budget. You can really have it delivered or pick it up. I think kid is walking up the slide.

[Caller Kara]

Really?

[Dave]

Autotrader, buy your car online. Really?

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[Melissa]

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[Host Bert]

The bird show question because I have heard this now a couple of different times over the last couple of months. And the first time I heard it I thought, ah, it's just some dude that some husband that has gotten lazy when it comes to being intimate with his wife. And then I heard it a second and I think maybe, well, maybe just two times over the last couple of months. So married couple. Married probably. I don't know. Let me just throw a couple of figures out there that make sense. Seven, eight years or something like that. Looking to mix it up in their relationship a little bit. So he introduces her to Insurrection Love shack type devices.

[Dave]

Okay, okay, everybody got me Battery operated.

[Host Bert]

Yes. Things that might just enhance the experience for both of them a little bit more. Get her motor running a little bit more.

[Dave]

Some would call them Bobs.

[Melissa]

Bobs.

[Guest Stacy]

Battery operated boyfriends.

[Host Bert]

Which is where I'm going with this. So it was husband's suggestion in both cases to bring Bob into the bedroom. And wifey was the one that was reluctant about it. Oh, come on, we don't need that. Everything's going great. Everything's fine. But he insists. So they go together and they make that very uncomfortable walk of shame in the Insurrection parking lot. And they both go inside, they get something that they're both going to be comfortable with. They walk out of there, they go home, they try it and lo and behold, she likes it a lot. So much so that now he feels like is getting a lot less because Bob is getting more like he's sort of been pushed out.

[Dave]

He has been replaced.

[Host Bert]

He has sort of been replaced.

[Dave]

And it was his idea in the first place.

[Host Bert]

And it was his idea in the first place. So he's not. Both of them. Not exactly sure now how to ever go back. And then I'm thinking there's no way back. There is no way back.

[Melissa]

Well, I mean, they have. I mean, they have to talk about it. Anytime a couple's changing any routine in the bedroom, they have to open those lines of communication. So if he's just, I don't know, like you there, you could wean a little bit. There could be sometimes where it's no. No technological allowed, you know, in some of their, you know, sessions. But I don't know.

[Guest Stacy]

I mean, it's a Bob free zone.

[Host Bert]

He was saying that he was afraid that if he brought it up that she likes it so much that she would be. She would be committing Bob infidelity.

[Guest Stacy]

She'd choose Bob over him to where

[Host Bert]

she's gonna start cheating with Bob rather than actually tell him that she's using it.

[Dave]

That's funny. So she'd be coming home in the afternoon, having a session with the Bob.

[Melissa]

So who cares? I mean, if she does.

[Host Bert]

Because he's getting it less because she's already. Both of them are getting it less.

[Melissa]

But I'm just saying, if he brings it up, if he says. So what you're saying is that if he brings it up and then they start, you know, increasing time together, he's afraid that she's going to be doing that on the side. Yes. And I'm saying, so what? Like if. If the sessions don't decrease?

[Host Bert]

Well, he. I guess I'm speaking for him or them. So.

[Melissa]

Because I'm like. So I think the thought, what she does on her own, by herself, if

[Dave]

it affects their sex life.

[Host Bert]

Right. If it's already replaced him, then it will continue to do that.

[Melissa]

I'm just responding to what you said about the reason he doesn't want to say anything to her, so.

[Host Bert]

Because he's the one that gave it to her in the first place.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Host Bert]

So now to pull that. Now, obviously something that she likes so much. I'm speaking for them. And I'm just. I'm just.

[Guest Stacy]

Yeah, I hear you.

[Host Bert]

I understand.

[Dave]

But I'm with. I'm with Melissa. If it doesn't hurt their sex life and it just adds to her libido, then go for it.

[Melissa]

Because some women may need.

[Host Bert]

But it has extra time. What they're saying is it's dropped off.

[Guest Stacy]

It's headed. It's added to hers.

[Host Bert]

It's added to hers, which Melissa's like,

[Guest Stacy]

yeah, go for it.

[Host Bert]

He's not getting nearly as much anymore. He wants to go back to pre Bob days.

[Melissa]

Well, I think he's just afraid to say anything to her. I think that a lot. I think there's so much misunderstanding between couples if you don't talk about yourself, if you don't talk about how you. Because regardless of every. I think that there's. In most relationship, there's one person trying to keep up with the other one. I don't think. I think there's very few couples out there that libido is exactly the same, you know, So I think that people are so afraid to talk about it because they're afraid of bringing up the fact that one may want it more than the other, one may not. One may need some help, one may not like. And I think the more you leave that alone, the worse I think the misunderstanding is going to get.

[Host Bert]

Are there women listening right now to the show that know that their husbands or boyfriends would be shocked by how many times that they go and pay Bob a visit each week?

[Guest Stacy]

Now, we'll voice this guy to you because we don't want you, your husband driving into work right now or sitting at the office and spit his coffee all over the cubicle.

[Dave]

Yeah, we don't need him driving off

[Host Bert]

the side of the road. 404-741-Q100. Hey, Laura.

[Caller Laura]

Hi. How are you?

[Host Bert]

Good, how are you?

[Caller Laura]

One very interesting possibility for a cure for all this and very simple. Men in hand lotion. Late at night when they go to lie down in bed, before they go to bed, kiss the wife on the cheek, roll over with the hand lotion, make that funny noise over and over and over again. Women don't like that. Women don't want to have something wasted like that without being involved.

[Host Bert]

I'm just getting real nervous that she's going to say something. She's.

[Guest Stacy]

I think she was trying to creatively say that he should take care of his own domain and do it in

[Melissa]

front of her so that she feels threatened.

[Host Bert]

Oh.

[Guest Stacy]

Apparently men that she's been around who've done that make odd noises that seems

[Dave]

like passive aggressive behavior.

[Host Bert]

That doesn't seem healthy at all.

[Dave]

Yeah, to me. I'm with Melissa. I think you just gotta talk about it. I mean, maybe, maybe next time they're intimate with each other, he can bring

[Melissa]

it up with her.

[Dave]

Or maybe he can.

[Host Bert]

Can he just say though something's wrong.

[Dave]

Would you please stop that?

[Melissa]

That is really freaking gross. Bert was nervous about the collar and Jess.

[Guest Stacy]

Well, I don't understand what Weird noise that you said you made.

[Melissa]

I like the owl sound best. That you did. I don't know what that represents.

[Guest Stacy]

Cricket?

[Dave]

No.

[Guest Stacy]

Hey, Kara.

[Host Bert]

Bizarre.

[Caller Kara]

Kara, Am I in the voice?

[Host Bert]

You are, yes.

[Caller Kara]

Okay, well, I was saying my husband introduced Bob into our relationship when we were like two years, maybe not even two years into our marriage. And now we have to hang out with Bob before we can do anything together.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Host Bert]

Really. So it's like part of the whole. It's standard?

[Caller Kara]

Yep.

[Host Bert]

Really?

[Dave]

Does that bother him?

[Caller Kara]

I don't think so. I think. Well, I mean, if he wants it, that's what I have to do because that's the only way. I mean, every once in a while we might go without Bob, but it's pretty rare.

[Melissa]

I think for some women, they. The intensity. Sometimes a bob cannot be recreated naturally. And I think for some women, once it's introduced them, it's really difficult for them to be able to do anything without it.

[Host Bert]

So what you're saying is without Bob here, that would not be nearly as good with your husband?

[Caller Kara]

Exactly, yes.

[Dave]

Would you still reach where you're trying to reach?

[Caller Kara]

No, I'm. Let's see. Bob is on the outside, and for some reason, I've just never been able to have fun.

[Guest Stacy]

Got it.

[Host Bert]

Gotcha, gotcha, got it.

[Guest Stacy]

Gotcha, got it, got it, got it.

[Host Bert]

I think as a husband, I'm gonna be all bummed that she can't get there without Bob's help. Yeah, bummer.

[Dave]

That's not good.

[Guest Stacy]

What if your name is Bob and your wife also needs to use those and she's like, I'm gonna go spend some time with the Bobs.

[Host Bert]

We could have chosen a different name and I would have been real happy with this. Good morning, Stacy.

[Melissa]

Hi.

[Host Bert]

Hi. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Melissa]

Hi.

[Caller Kara]

Yes. I was actually at an adult party and I bought a Bob. And my boyfriend was very intimidated by his size when we brought him to the bedroom. And I continually used it because we had kind of opposite schedules and we have moved recently. And I pretty sure he has misplaced it on purpose because I can't find it anywhere.

[Host Bert]

I bet he kidnapped Bob.

[Melissa]

Isn't there a foul for straight women if what you bring home is gonna intimidate the husband? I mean, isn't that kind of rude

[Host Bert]

if it's so much bigger than what he has? There's no competing with that.

[Dave]

It could be that all of them intimidate.

[Caller Kara]

He's that much bigger. He's just very self conscious about it.

[Melissa]

They do come in sizes.

[Dave]

Well, is that. Because for years you've been telling him that size, size doesn't matter. And then you come home and it's like, massive.

[Host Bert]

Carrying it over her shoulder.

[Guest Stacy]

You know, you're driving it home in his suv.

[Melissa]

She has to put one of those reflective tapes on the back of it. So the car behind her doesn't, you know, stays far enough behind. Oh, God.

[Host Bert]

Yeah, I can understand why he might feel a little insecure about it. Yeah. So he has. He's kidnapped it, I believe.

[Caller Kara]

I cannot find it anywhere. And I'm pretty sure I know exactly where I put it. And it is no longer there.

[Host Bert]

We should call Blue Dog Investigation. Yeah, we'll call Tracy over there. We'll find that thing.

[Guest Stacy]

He probably threw it in the Chattahoochee. Hence the reports of an alligator there a couple weeks ago. See that thing floating down like. Oh, an overturned canoe. Where do you think the rafters are?

[Melissa]

No, that's a canoe.

[Host Bert]

Stacy's missing.

[Melissa]

There it is.

[Host Bert]

Peggy, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Caller Kara]

Good morning. I am running late right now because I was with Bob a little too long this morning.

[Host Bert]

This morning?

[Caller Kara]

Just not too long ago.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Host Bert]

Now, is this every morning

[Caller Kara]

quite often? Probably three, four times a week.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Dave]

And are you in a relationship?

[Caller Kara]

I'm married.

[Dave]

You're married?

[Host Bert]

Does he have any idea that you're going to see Bob three, four times a week?

[Caller Kara]

Well, no, it was okay with him that we got Bob, but he thinks Bob is dead. But Bob's not dead.

[Host Bert]

Bob's. Bob has new batteries. He is alive and well, isn't he?

[Melissa]

Well, he's recharged.

[Caller Kara]

One part of Bob is dead, but the main part is not dead. So we had a little funeral, but I brought Bob back.

[Host Bert]

Bob's been resurrected.

[Melissa]

Bob has come alive stronger than ever. He's at full charge.

[Dave]

I was gonna ask her if she listened to the bird show when she sees Bob.

[Melissa]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Host Bert]

Hey, Nicole, you're doing.

[Melissa]

I just want to know that somebody's listening to us doing that.

[Guest Stacy]

Just the entertainment buzz. The bird show.

[Adrian]

Hey, girl, what's happen. Is that your antiperspirant?

[Host Bert]

Yeah.

[Adrian]

Let me see that can. Aluminum butane. I cannot pronounce that. You have to switch to native deodorant. Native's simple formula has only clean ingredients. It gives you effective 72 hour odor protection with no hydrocarbon propellants.

[Caller Kara]

Wow.

[Melissa]

This smells heavenly clean.

[Adrian]

Effective 72 hour odor protection isn't a myth.

[Caller Kara]

It's native.