Co-host Raj (2:55)

Go to the steam room, go to the sauna.

Co-host Melissa (2:58)

Exactly. So it's just a bond, you know. Again, the purpose of it was a bonding experience. So they're coming out the massages and they're sitting there with their waters and they're talking and everything. And so they're talking about how great their massage on. Each one of them had a different masseuse, you know, because they were all doing at the same time. And so then she brought up the fact that the massage, you know, she was saying, well, you know, he was. I guess she was on her back. Had to be on her back at the time, which is toward the end of the massage, and he was, you know, rubbing her shoulders. She said, and then when he was rubbing my breasts for about 10 minutes, and then he did something else. And then they're like, I was, what? And then I said, what did you just say? And she's like, well, he was rubbing my breasts for about 10 minutes. And they said, dude, you just got felt up.

Bert (Host) (3:34)

That's more than a feel up.

Co-host Raj (3:36)

I mean, yes.

Bert (Host) (3:36)

I mean, a feel up.

Co-host Melissa (3:37)

She got violated.

Bert (Host) (3:38)

A feel up is what Crash does to the two of you guys every day. That is violation.

Co-host Melissa (3:42)

She totally got violated. And I, you know, and I asked.

Co-host Raj (3:45)

For 10 minutes, did you?

Co-host Melissa (3:47)

Yes. And I said, did you say that this was your first massage? And she said, yeah, because, you know, you're. I think anybody's had their first massage, they get nervous about stripping down in front of a stranger and having them rub on them. So she was nervous and probably Chatty Cathy and said the beginning. Oh, you know, I'm really nervous about first.

Co-host Jessica (4:01)

Well, I think they ask you. Don't they usually ask you, have you ever been in before? Like, have you. Have you ever had a massage before? I think it's a pretty standard question.

Co-host Melissa (4:08)

I'm trying to think if my first massage, they asked me or I volunteer, I probably volunteered it. Being, again, being nervous. There's a lot of people that refuse to go because of the, you know, insecurity of doing that. But I've, you know, no, I'VE never had that experience. But. But I wondered, though, after we talked about that, if there are massage therapists, and I mean, this was a pretty extreme case, but if there are massage therapists that actually take advantage of the fact that somebody is somebody's first time.

Bert (Host) (4:31)

Yeah, there are two angles we can take on this, actually. I don't know that we'll get a masseuse actually to call up and go. Yeah, yeah, we do have the voice disguiser. Yeah, we've got the voice disguiser. And we can use it. Maybe we'll have better luck if we just ask women that. Has this happened to you also? Right where you've gone in and you've told them, I think specifically that this is your first time and when you got out of there, you realized maybe something wasn't right. Like he wasn't supposed to be playing with that part.

Co-host Melissa (4:56)

Well, it's like, you know, she just.

Co-host Jessica (4:57)

Felt like with the region.

Co-host Melissa (4:59)

Yeah. I mean, she didn't realize just how bad it was until she compared stores with everybody else, you know.

Bert (Host) (5:05)

Well, while it's going on, she must have some kind of feeling like, this can't be right. Or am I just being. Am I being really American here?

Co-host Melissa (5:11)

Yeah, exactly.

Co-host Raj (5:12)

That's what I thought. Because it doesn't have to be your first time that this happened because I just got a massage when we were out of the country. We were in Costa Rica. And, you know, we're staying at this nice resort place right near this volcano and this lake. And so we have this awesome balcony and they offer massages where the massage therapist actually would come to your hotel room and set up, you know, either in the room. And I had them set up on the balcony, whatever. So, you know, it was evening or whatever, so it was dark out, it was kind of misty, raining outside. So I thought, oh, this will be perfect. I'll have the natural sounds of the rain and all that stuff and, you know, get a massage on the deck or whatever. So, you know, sure enough, I stripped down, laying. I'm laying face down, not like your friend, face up, but face down on the table. And, you know, so I get the back and the shoulders and the legs, whatever, and then the upper thighs. And then the massage therapist, who was a man, I love massages, so I don't care. Man, woman, whatever, just rub me and save that.

Co-host Melissa (6:13)

Yeah, he's a part of that.

Co-host Raj (6:15)

I love massages. But sure enough, he full on was rubbing my butt. And that doesn't happen here in the States. But like what you were saying Bert. I was like, maybe I'm so American. Maybe I'm so, like, conservative with my body and I don't, you know, maybe I'm not open to this. And then I kind of was like, well, it kind of feels good. I don't think I'm gonna say. I don't think I'm gonna stop him from doing it or whatever. But yeah, he was full on working the booty.

Co-host Melissa (6:41)

Now there's muscles in. But you got muscles there at least. I mean, in the breast region. There's not much muscle activity going on there that, you know, that she needed an exam for as long as she did.

Co-host Jessica (6:51)

Maybe he. That's maybe what it was. Maybe it was an exam.

Co-host Melissa (6:53)

It was just a combination. Yes. He was concerned about her health.

Co-host Jessica (6:56)

Yeah, it's just like maybe she got the, you know, the combination massage. Breast cancer check.

Co-host Melissa (7:03)

Exactly. There's a pink ribbon on the story thanking him.

Co-host Jessica (7:07)

Yeah, he didn't realize the pink ribbon on his collar.

Co-host Melissa (7:10)

Right.

Co-host Jessica (7:10)

He was gonna feel her up for 30 minutes.

Co-host Melissa (7:12)

He's an official.

Bert (Host) (7:13)

Hey, Shelly, you're on all the hits. Q100 high.

Caller/Evie (7:15)

Hey, how are you guys doing?

Bert (Host) (7:16)

Good, thank you.

Caller/Evie (7:17)

I was actually. I don't know if it's normal or not, but I was like undressed, fully undressed. And the guy was massaging both sides of my cheeks, my bottoms, both sides.

Co-host Raj (7:28)

At the same time.

Caller/Evie (7:29)

Different times. But I mean, I was completely naked. And I don't know if that was like, if they had to stop at the, like the crease. I don't know.

Bert (Host) (7:38)

Yeah, he went all the way up the booty, all the way up the round part of what we're talking.

Caller/Evie (7:41)

All the way up the round part. I was getting a deep tissue.

Co-host Jessica (7:46)

You know what? That might be the better phone topic. Was my massage experience. Normal. And we get like a massage and we get like a masseuse on, and then we have people call in who call up and go, yes, listen, I'm wondering. I was getting massaged and then he took all of his clothes and climbed on top of me and penetrated my region. Was that normal?

Co-host Melissa (8:04)

Oh, God, Jeff. Exploring the territory. No. Well, I mean, I love. I mean, I'm like, Jen, I love massages. And I've gotten many by many different, you know, massage therapists, and they're all different. Like, I haven't had the full on work in the, you know, but like your guy did. But I mean, I've had half done, but on the. Over the towel. I mean, you know, like different people have done different things. So it's hard to determine.

Bert (Host) (8:29)

I mean, there needs to be consistency.

Co-host Melissa (8:31)

But I usually have female massage therapists.

Co-host Jessica (8:33)

I don't care.

Bert (Host) (8:34)

Hey, John. Hold on one second for me. John, I'm going to come back to your call, so don't go anywhere. All right, we'll put you on the voice disguiser. He is a massage therapist that wants to be on the voice disguise. Okay, so we'll put him on in just one second, but first we're going to talk to Evie here. Hey, Evie, you're on the Bert Show.

Caller/Evie (8:49)

Hi, Bert, this is Evie. It's nice to talk to you guys.

Bert (Host) (8:52)

Thanks for calling. What's up?

Caller/Evie (8:53)

Well, about two years ago, I decided to give my mother a massage for her birthday in Florida. There's a very popular Turkish spa there. And I've never had a massage myself, but, you know, I told her, get a half an hour massage. Let's try that out. And then if you like it, I'll pay for the other half an hour. And she went in there, and I was just waiting for her because they had, like, a waiting area. And she came out, like, really red and really embarrassed. And now my mom's not shy type. And I said, mom, how was the massage? She says, well, you know, the guy asked me if I wanted a deep massage. And I really didn't think it was going to be a deep massage. It was more of a, you know, pressure type of deep massage. Well, right before she finished doing her massage, he flipped her over, like, upside down and moved her legs, like, up towards her back. Like, I can't even explain the position. And he gave her a deep massage in the vagina area.

Bert (Host) (9:52)

Oh, no way. He, like, fully was rubbing her there.

Co-host Melissa (9:56)

No, it's your mama.

Caller/Evie (9:57)

Oh, my God. She came out like, I'm never going to get a massage again.

Co-host Melissa (10:01)

You know what?

Co-host Jessica (10:03)

A Turkish massage. You can't trust those Turks.

Advertiser (10:05)

Yeah.

Co-host Melissa (10:06)

I mean, I've never had that done. But I will say that by a masseuse, I will say that men, massage therapists, the men versus the women. In my experience, men will try more and they will do different things than women will do. Really? Yeah. We've talked on the air before about some of these things. Like, what was it? The credit card through the slide. Remember that little reference we made about. And there was a guy one time with the hand. With a hand. Yeah, exactly. Like, he was just doing the brush by. And I've had a guy do that before. I've had a guy.

Co-host Raj (10:38)

Whoo.

Co-host Melissa (10:38)

Damn. Who, like, once I flipped over because during a Massage. If you've never had a massage, you're face down first and then you're on your back for the second part as they, you know, try to get all your muscles. And there was one guy that flipped the sheet up like, you know, when you're making a bed and you kind of flip the sheet up and try to get it on the bed in one fell swoop. He did that to me so that he could full on take a. Take a glimpse when I was, I was face down, but. Yeah, but to the sky. He took a full glimpse.

Bert (Host) (11:04)

Is this the guy that slapped him?

Co-host Melissa (11:05)

No, different guys, different guy. But women. But the women that I completed his debut. Yeah, exactly. But female massage therapy, I've never had any experience like that with any woman.

Co-host Jessica (11:16)

I'm convinced because I, When I get massages, I, it's, it's always with female massage therapists because I'm homophobic.

Co-host Melissa (11:23)

So save that.

Co-host Jessica (11:25)

So whenever I get, you know, the massage, like, I'm convinced that, like, I have to spend the first 10 minutes of my massage reminding myself that this is her job and she's okay with it and she's not analyzing me and that she's actually concentrating on doing a good job and not thinking about all of the places she would rather be. I'm convinced that anybody giving me a massage is sitting there going, jesus, you know what? I should have gone to freaking law school if my parents are gonna pay for it. Or like thinking about the last fight, was she with her boyfriend? Or say, my God, look at that mole.

Bert (Host) (12:00)

Looks like Spain.

Co-host Jessica (12:01)

Look at that mole on him. Seriously, I've never seen. I wish. I wonder if there's any way. I wonder if he dozes off if I could go get Cindy and show her that freaking mole.

Bert (Host) (12:09)

Need the voice disguiser for this call. John here is a massage therapist. Good morning, John.

John (Massage Therapist) (12:16)

Morning.

Bert (Host) (12:17)

How are you today?

John (Massage Therapist) (12:18)

Good. How you doing?

Bert (Host) (12:19)

Good. Okay, you are on the voice disguiser and we've tweaked your voice. Nobody can recognize your voice.

John (Massage Therapist) (12:24)

Excellent.

Bert (Host) (12:24)

So Melissa was asking if you, you know, of or you have taken advantage of a person that's been. That's come in and gotten a massage for the very first time.

John (Massage Therapist) (12:35)

Yeah, both. Yeah, I know of and have I said I've taken it beyond the normal massage A couple. A few times.

Bert (Host) (12:43)

Specifically 1.

Co-host Melissa (12:44)

Can you give examples?

John (Massage Therapist) (12:46)

Well, I usually. I always ask if it's their first time, you know, so I can know what they know about massage. If they don't know if it's their first time, they don't know the difference. So I usually, you know, if they're not ugly or fat, then I just do normal massage in that case. But if they're, you know, fairly good looking, I will massage their butt, massage their chest. Sometimes I'll go a little further up their leg, but, you know, if they seem uncomfortable, which they never usually do, I won't go any further. I'll take it at that.

Co-host Raj (13:26)

Have you ever gone so far as to touch a woman's hoo hoo?

John (Massage Therapist) (13:30)

No, no.

Co-host Jessica (13:31)

You mean the cooter bone?

John (Massage Therapist) (13:32)

I get close, but no, not, not.

Bert (Host) (13:35)

All the way there, but still, I mean, it's been evasive enough to where you have definitely crossed the line. Knowing that you've crossed the line.

Co-host Melissa (13:43)

And, and yeah, okay, first of all, you're giving them a massage so they're already relaxed, so there's not going to be much indication they're uncomfortable. But I guarantee you, in their mind, they are thinking to themselves, is this normal? Oh, my God.

Co-host Raj (13:53)

Well, that, like, inner thigh area, that's a total erogenous zone. There are more nerve endings there than there are on the outside. So when the massage therapists go there, you're already on guard. Cause it hits some buttons that.

Bert (Host) (14:06)

Yeah, I mean, it's reflective.

Co-host Raj (14:08)

Yeah.

Bert (Host) (14:09)

So. And you say you only do this to the women that you consider good looking. Are you hoping you're gonna get something out of this? Like the girl's gonna flip over and go, wow, that kind of felt good. Let's do this.

John (Massage Therapist) (14:19)

No, no. I mean, I've had a few women come on to me, but I just, I feel like I have to turn them, you know, I have to turn them down to say no.

Bert (Host) (14:28)

So you never, you don't want to be unethical or anything.

Co-host Melissa (14:30)

Right? So you've never taken advantage? Because I, you know, I have thought too, like, this is, this is a situation, like you were in that room by yourself with the door closed with that massage therapist. Like in any other situation, like in a doctor's office, there's always someone else there with you guys, but there's so much opportunity for inappropriate action to go on.

Bert (Host) (14:48)

Well, and also, like, if the client comes back and, you know, starts to question what you've done and goes to management, it's really a he said, she said thing, isn't it? I mean, because you certainly can't have cameras in the place.

John (Massage Therapist) (15:00)

I've never, I've never had anybody complain.

Bert (Host) (15:03)

So, you know, you have purposely gone over the line and you've never had a woman come back and Go. Hey, I think what you're. What John did to me today isn't part of protocol.

John (Massage Therapist) (15:14)

No, I mean, most of the women, I would say most, at least half the women come back. A lot of them refer to. Refer their friends to me. I mean, they, you know, they usually enjoy it.

Co-host Raj (15:25)

So in massage therapy school, do they tell you where the borders are?

John (Massage Therapist) (15:31)

A little bit.

Co-host Raj (15:32)

What do they say?

John (Massage Therapist) (15:32)

You kind of. You kind of know, but yeah, they mention it.

Co-host Raj (15:36)

What do they say? They say don't go.

John (Massage Therapist) (15:38)

Definitely, definitely don't touch the hoo hoo.

Co-host Raj (15:40)

Well, yeah, but definitely no hoo hoo. But what about the breasts and the butt?

John (Massage Therapist) (15:47)

They mention it. Yeah, the butt's okay. The chest usually is not the place they want massage. But like I said, you know, they don't usually know the difference. And it is a. It does feel good. So they don't usually complain, you know, and like I said, if I feel uncomfortable, then I'll stop. I wouldn't take that any further. But they don't.

Co-host Raj (16:13)

And so what's like the pleasure in it for you just to kind of get your jollies on? Little violation jollies?

John (Massage Therapist) (16:20)

I wouldn't say jollies. I mean, it's, you know, I like being a massage therapist, but I don't know that I get jollies from it.

Bert (Host) (16:27)

Is it just to see how far you can go?

John (Massage Therapist) (16:32)

I like to please people. I like to please women.

Co-host Melissa (16:35)

Good looking women.

John (Massage Therapist) (16:38)

It helps. Yeah, that helps.

Co-host Jessica (16:41)

Something you have to understand about guys is no matter how old they are, what they do for a living, I'm convinced even physicians still in their back of their mind, when they touch a boob go, I'm touching a boob. Like there's a little voice in the back.

Bert (Host) (16:53)

I don't think you want to believe that's true.

Co-host Melissa (16:54)

That's why I have female doctors and female massage therapists.

Co-host Jessica (16:59)

I'm telling you, you don't want to believe it's true. But I'm. Yes, I would.

Co-host Melissa (17:02)

Yeah. That's why I'm touching a boob. That's why Jen and I made conscious choices not to have male doctors.

Co-host Jessica (17:08)

There's a man in the back of our head and that's his only job. That's all he does is to shout.

Bert (Host) (17:12)

Out in Glee, hey, John, I'm gonna keep you on hold, okay?

Co-host Melissa (17:15)

That's why there's nurses in those rooms with those doctors.

Co-host Jessica (17:17)

Touch your boob.

Bert (Host) (17:19)

Don't need the voice disguiser anymore. Good morning, Nicole. You're on all the hits. Q100.

Caller/Evie (17:23)

Hi.

Co-host Melissa (17:24)

Hey.

John (Massage Therapist) (17:24)

Hi.

Caller/Evie (17:26)

Well, I was going about the whole butt massage thing, how everyone's talking about how it's so inappropriate and it doesn't really happen here in the States unless it's inappropriate. But I've had it done a ton of times and I think it's totally appropriate.

Co-host Melissa (17:40)

No, I've had my. I've had my butt massaged on the top of the towel. But not underneath the towel.

Caller/Evie (17:46)

Well, no, I've had it done under the towel. I mean, not like full on. I pay for a butt massage. But I mean, it's there, you know, like hip muscles. I have muscles that, that I get. My hips get out of joint or out of whack or whatever. And I guess it's been like sort of medical massage sometimes. Like, I used to go to a chiropractor that teared the deep tissue massage.

Co-host Melissa (18:10)

Yeah.

Bert (Host) (18:10)

But I think there's a really clear line and I can actually point it out to you. I've seen it in magazines.

Co-host Jessica (18:18)

Jessica and I went on one of our last vacation. Wasn't this most recent one? But we were somewhere where we went and got back to back massages from like the same therapist. And afterwards we were talking about it and Jessica was like, did she work your butt? And I was like, yeah. And she went after both of our butts.

Co-host Raj (18:34)

So she went under the towel on the butt, full on, working it. Okay, good. So mine was normal.

Co-host Jessica (18:38)

Yes, because it felt good. I actually think it was Costa Rica.

Co-host Raj (18:41)

It was.

Co-host Jessica (18:41)

So maybe that's a Costa Rican thing.

Co-host Raj (18:42)

They like to work the butt.

Co-host Jessica (18:44)

Did at any time in your. Did any time in your mind, did you have the thought, please don't fart? Or is that just a guy thing?

Co-host Raj (18:51)

Well, no, that happens more at the doctor.

Co-host Jessica (18:55)

It's like I'm just.

Co-host Melissa (18:57)

Everybody has that concern.

Co-host Jessica (18:59)

I'm just afraid that she, like, I remember, actually, I spend. I don't know why I get massages because I spend the entire time stressed because, like, she's, you know, kneading my ass like it's a loaf of bread, you know, like she's like, she's making dough and I'm just like in the middle of it.

Bert (Host) (19:13)

Oh, nice. I'm just curious what you're doing that's so stressful that you're getting these massages all the time.

Co-host Jessica (19:18)

You don't have to be stressed to get a massage. Massage.

Co-host Melissa (19:20)

Good for you.

Bert (Host) (19:21)

I love steps.

Co-host Jessica (19:22)

Massages are. Massage are great. It doesn't have to be something about like being high strung or anything.

Bert (Host) (19:26)

I've only gone to one really? Oh, I've only had it done once. It was a couple years ago.

Co-host Melissa (19:30)

Love that. Yeah.

Co-host Jessica (19:32)

I go to get massages so I can have stress so I can go get the next massage. Get it.

Bert (Host) (19:38)

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Co-host Raj (20:11)

Hey, it's Raj and Noah. And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

Co-host Jessica (20:20)

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

Co-host Raj (20:22)

But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

Co-host Jessica (20:30)

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Co-host Raj (20:39)

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

Co-host Jessica (20:47)

And for the first time ever, we're gonna have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're going to be right here to help you do them better.

John (Massage Therapist) (20:55)

Love y'.

Advertiser (20:56)

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Bert (Host) (20:57)

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