Vault: Her weight made family photos feel impossible

Summary

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The Bert Show — "Vault: Her weight made family photos feel impossible"

Date: June 2, 2026
Main Theme:
An honest, nuanced discussion about personal struggles with weight, body image, disordered eating, and the emotional challenges tied to family events and societal expectations, centering on intern Lauren’s anxieties about appearing in family photos.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Lauren, an intern on The Bert Show, opens up about her longstanding anxieties surrounding weight, exercise, and eating habits, especially as she faces the prospect of being in family photographs over the holidays. The conversation broadens to touch on the prevalence of such thoughts among women, the blurred line between “healthy” and obsessive behaviors, and the importance of seeking help. Callers also share their own experiences with eating disorders, offering both empathy and advice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Photos as a Trigger for Body Image Anxiety

• Lauren’s Story: When her mother suggests taking family photos with all her children and granddaughter, Lauren’s immediate concern is how she’ll look:

  “I have to work out the whole time during Christmas. I can't eat anything because I'm gonna look at these pictures forever, and I'm gonna be fat in them. I just don't want it.” — Lauren (00:19)

• The stress of holiday gatherings, compounded by abundant food and old insecurities, can intensify self-scrutiny.

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2. The “Constant Mental Chatter” About Weight

• Host Bert is Surprised:

  "I was shocked a couple weeks ago when you guys said that women constantly, 24/7, think about food and what they put in their mouth all the time." — Bert (00:42)

• Lauren and others affirm:

  “All the time.” — Cassie & Lauren (00:55)

  • For Lauren, anxieties about weight and exercise are near constant.
  • Discussion on how this is often more pronounced in certain social groups (e.g. white/Caucasian women).
• Comparison Cycle:

  “If I watch TV and see skinny girls, I'm like, oh man, now I really need to work out.” — Lauren (06:01)

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3. Personal History & Origins of Disordered Thoughts

• High School Experience:

  • Lauren recounts periods of noticeable weight loss due to intense exercise and minimal eating, worsened by competitive environments and social commentary:

    “I was seriously just working out. Like, I love to work out. And people kept saying, you know, you're losing a lot of weight, and it looks, like, really unhealthy.” (01:34)
    “My sister's wedding photos — you can see all the bones in my back. It was like creepy gross, but like, I didn't recognize it at the time.” — Lauren (01:38)

• Despite recognizing her extreme thinness was unhealthy in hindsight, Lauren admits she didn't appreciate the risks or reality at the time:

  “At the time I didn't realize anything. And, like, I look at the pictures now and I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe I was actually that skinny.” (02:48)

  • Hosts highlight the distorted self-image (“Isn't that what an eating disorder is?” — Bert, 02:30)

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4. The Line Between “Fit” and Obsession

• Obsession Level:

  “Do you feel like it's like an obsession level?” — Cassie (03:49)
  “Yeah, really. When I talk about it to my friends — why do you think about going to the gym all the time? — I don't know. I have, like, anxiety about going.” — Lauren (03:51)

• Lauren connects much of her self-worth to body image, feeling discomfort and guilt after eating, especially during holidays.

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5. Societal Pressures and Comparison

• Peer and Environmental Influence:

  “At school, mentally, I saw everybody was, like, super skinny, so I had to keep myself at their weight levels or whatever.” — Lauren (04:19)

• Discussion of constant comparison — both to people around her and media images.

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6. Eating and Exercise Behaviors

• Lauren describes her routine:
  • At least four workouts per week, often more; sessions last about 1.5 hours.
  • Tried extremely low-calorie diets (as low as 600/day) during high school.

  “In my nutrition class…my teacher was like, you need to eat more.” — Lauren (07:01)

• Splurging on weekends increased over time, and home life reduced some pressures.

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7. Callers Share Their Stories & Offer Support

• Alison’s Call (07:17):

  • Finds Lauren’s thoughts and behaviors mirror her own.
  • Credits a friend who went through recovery as inspiring her to seek help:

    “Having somebody in my life like that has definitely put it into perspective how much, like, the things that I do is not normal and kind of dangerous.” (09:19)

  • Plans to attend Eating Disorders Anonymous meetings:

    “I feel like what I do is not normal. Like, I shouldn't be obsessing as much as I do.” (08:59)

• Michelle’s Call (10:11):

  • Checking into treatment for the second time, urges Lauren to seek help:

    “Lauren, you need to go talk to your primary care physician. You should talk to a therapist or a nurse. These are red flag after red flag after red flag.” — Michelle (10:32) “Starvation is anything below 900 calories a day. At any point in your life you've been restricting yourself to 600 or less and exercising — those are just two huge red flags.” (11:00)

  • Counters Lauren’s fear of being “crazy” for seeking therapy:

    “Go to therapist. Those are the least crazy people I know.” — Michelle (12:32)

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8. The Reluctance to Seek Help

• Lauren’s Denial and Minimizing:
  • Pushes back on the need for therapy:

    “I don't think I really needed to go to the therapist. I'm not, like, that crazy.” — Lauren (12:23)

• Host Commentary:
  • Reframes seeking help as logical, not “crazy.”
• Cassie’s Insight:

  “You don't want to hear it because then if you realize there's something wrong, then you have to change it.” (12:56)

• Bert proposes taking an online screening quiz to help Lauren self-assess (12:18–13:05).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On distorted self-image:

  “The skinnier they got…they thought they looked better. Like in their eyes it was better when the rest of the world was like, oh my gosh, no, it's so unhealthy.” — Cassie (02:32)

• On obsessiveness of thoughts:

  “How many times within one hour do you think that weight or working out or food crosses your mind?” — Cassie
  “At least 10.” — Lauren (06:01)

• Advice from someone entering treatment:

  “These are red flag after red flag after red flag…everything you say is something that I have said. And I was in denial about it for a long time.” — Michelle (10:32)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:07–00:42 — Lauren introduces the family photo trigger and her dread about her weight being immortalized.
• 00:55–01:30 — Discussion about the constant preoccupation with weight among women.
• 01:34–02:48 — Lauren’s high school weight loss, perception at the time, and current reflection.
• 03:49–04:01 — Lauren acknowledges obsession and anxiety about working out.
• 06:01–06:32 — Frequency of diet-related thoughts; influence of media images.
• 07:17–09:19 — Callers Alison and Michelle share their perspectives and advice on seeking help.
• 10:11–12:32 — Michelle gives urgent advice to Lauren about seeking medical and therapeutic support.
• 13:05 — Show prepares to take an online screening for eating disorders, highlighting reluctance and potential next steps.

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Summary & Takeaways

• The episode provides a raw, relatable portrait of what it feels like to live with ongoing body image struggles and how easily “healthy habits” can slide into damaging compulsions.
• Hosts express both empathy and concern, drawing attention to the high prevalence—and normalization—of obsessive thoughts about food and weight, especially among young women.
• Community support is critical, as evidenced by impactful calls from listeners who've either recovered or are seeking recovery.
• The conversation stresses the value of professional help and challenges the stigma that equates seeking therapy with being “crazy.”
• Ultimately, the story highlights how inner feelings of shame and secrecy often mask real suffering, and how difficult—but important—it is to take first steps towards healing.

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If you or someone you know is experiencing similar struggles, consider reaching out to a medical professional or support organization specializing in eating disorders.

Transcript

[A]

The Bird show intern Lauren here was all stressed out before Christmas because she was getting it. Was it a family picture done?

[B]

Well, my sister, one of my sisters lives in Missouri, and she was coming down. She has about a year and a half old baby. So my mom was like, oh, that'd be really cool if, you know, three of my kids and my granddaughter would get their picture taken. And at first I was like, yeah, I guess we haven't had our picture taken in, like, the past four years. And we all changed a little and. But then I was thinking about it, like, it's of kind Christmas time. And usually, you know, Christmas time also involves holiday foods like cookies and candy and, like, all the bad stuff. And then I was like, great. I have to work out the whole time during Christmas. I can't eat anything because I'm gonna look at these pictures forever, and I'm gonna be fat in them. I just don't want it.

[A]

These weight issues that come up with the women on the show all the time. I was shocked a couple of weeks ago when you guys said that women constantly, 24 7, think about food and what they put in their mouth all the time.

[B]

All the time?

[C]

All the time. And I think some more than others, and I think we have to qualify it, too, because we've talked to so many of our listeners that it's more of a white girl issue than it is. You know, it's more of the Caucasian girls that are obsessed with weight and that kind of thing. But, yeah, it's on our minds all the time. How many times a day do you think you think about your weight?

[B]

Honestly, probably the whole day, really. I mean, I don't know. Me, I might be different because in high school, I had issues, I guess, somewhat, but. But, yeah, all the time. I think about working out constantly, and I have to at least get it over with in the morning, and then I won't think about in the afternoon. I don't know. I'm a different person.

[A]

Wait, let's back up to the high school date issues. We're not gonna let that go.

[B]

I don't know. I guess, like, let's see, I was in cross country, and I lost a lot of weight. And then I guess it kept proceeding until senior year where I lost a ton of weight and people didn't know how. I mean, I was seriously just working out. Like, I love to work out. And people kept saying, you know, you're losing a lot of weight, and it looks, like, really unhealthy. Like my sister's wedding Photos like you can see all the bones in my back. I mean it was like creepy gross, but like I didn't recognize it at the time.

[C]

But really, do you think it was an eating disorder? Were you starving yourself?

[B]

I really wasn't. Like I ate a little bit and then I would work out a bun like a ton. Like how much? Like how many hours a day? I mean it really like at the time it was like an hour and a half, but I really wasn't eating that much. But I was still eating to the point where, you know, I wasn't starving myself.

[C]

But did you pass out?

[B]

No, like I was totally fine and like I never realized it and like I was like, oh, this is really cool. Like I'm super, super skinny.

[A]

Isn't that what an eating disorder is?

[B]

Isn't it?

[C]

It's a distorted. Because you do get a distorted view of yourself. You know, I've seen the stories about the women that are anorexic and starving themselves and the skinnier they got and how gaunt they looked. They thought they looked better. Like in their eyes. It was better when the rest of the world was like, oh my gosh, no, it's so unhealthy.

[B]

I mean at the time I didn't realize anything. And like I look at the pictures now and I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe I was actually that skinny. But I mean, I really didn't think anything was wrong with me then. I still somewhat don't.

[A]

But so when you look at the picture, when you look at the pictures now and you and you see, I

[B]

mean, I think it's gross. And my mom's like, I can't believe you're that skinny. And I was just like, yeah, I

[C]

know, but you still kind of liked it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you still look at those pictures now and aspire to that?

[B]

I guess not now because I was so thin. But I mean I wish I could still be somewhat, I mean bigger than that but still thinner than I am now.

[C]

Where do you think all that comes from?

[B]

Honestly, I don't know. I think when I was a child I was kind of chubby. So maybe as a child I always thought, man, I wish I was skinny. And then by the time that I got that skinny then I thought, wow, like you know, it can actually happen that I can be skinny. So I guess mentally I always think like, I don't know, I just think about like weight a lot and I think I'm like the only one in my family cuz they're like why do you think about going to the gym and eating so much? I'm just like, I don't know.

[C]

It's kind of become. Do you feel like it's like an obsession level?

[B]

Yeah. Really? I mean, when I talk about to my friends, like, why do you think about going to the gym all the time? I was like, I don't know. I have, like, anxiety about going.

[A]

So when you.

[B]

If I don't.

[A]

When you look at yourself in the mirror now, what do you see?

[B]

I see something I don't like, not every day. Like, some days are better than some, but especially after the holidays and, like, eating stuff, then I just feel really guilty.

[C]

How many days a week do you work out?

[B]

At least four. But I try to do more if I can. Is it still an hour and a half a day? Oh, yeah. But since I moved home, I can totally tell that I changed working out because at school I was just like. I don't know. I guess at school, mentally, I saw everybody. It was, like, super skinny, so I had to keep myself at their weight levels or whatever. But then moving home, I don't know. I just don't feel it as much as a pressure as it was back at school.

[A]

Sound like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

[B]

I do. And honestly, I don't know where it comes from because nobody in my family works out like I do. None of them even really work out, so I have no idea where it comes from.

[C]

Definitely. Did you ever have a relationship or a boyfriend who commented on your weight?

[B]

No. When I was in high school, my boyfriend was like, really? Every time I see you, because he was in college and I was in high school, and he was like, every time I see you, you're getting skinnier. And at that point, I was like, oh, really? I thought it was a compliment. And now that I look back and I'm like, oh, my God, I was getting thinner every time that he saw me. But no, nobody's ever really talked about my weight.

[A]

I've never been around anybody that has sort of said, I had an eating disorder, and I went and I got help for it, and now I'm healthy. So I don't know if things that you're saying right now, like, are red flags for people that have eating disorders or not.

[C]

I mean, I think there is a difference between women who think about it or you're trying to eat healthy or trying to work out or get fit or all those kind of thoughts. And I think there's a difference between that and obsessing. Over it. Like you said, you think about it all day long. How many times within one hour do you think that weight or working out or food crosses your mind in an hour?

[B]

At least 10. I mean, but it comes more so, like, if I watch TV and, like, I see skinny girls, I'm like, oh, man, now I really need to work out.

[C]

And then, like, you're probably comparing yourself to every single woman you walk by every single day. You're like, oh, well, I'm thinner than her. Oh, well, I'm not thinner than her. Oh, well, she has a better this or I have a better that.

[A]

Do most girls do that, though?

[C]

No, I don't.

[A]

You don't?

[C]

I don't.

[B]

Do you go to the gym, like, as soon as you see this, like, images? I mean, not as soon. Like, I have, like, specific times that I want to go, but when I see them, I, like, aspire to be thin.

[D]

I don't.

[A]

How often do you eat a day?

[B]

I try to eat small meals a day. Maybe, like, I have three meals and one snack, but they're kind of small meals.

[A]

So, like, are you under 600 calories for the day?

[B]

No, I'd say, like, 600 or more. I mean, like, I don't know. I would always say, like, I give myself a certain amount of calories during the week. In the. On the weekends, I would splurge. And it's come to the point where now when I'm at home, I, like, splurge a lot. And I know it's, like, getting bad for me, but at school, I would definitely be, like, 600 or less. Because, like, we had. Yeah, I was in a nutrition class, and we had to write down, like, the meals that we ate every day and the calorie intake. And my teacher was like, you need to eat more. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I

[A]

know, but you still didn't. Here is Allison. Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi, Alison.

[D]

Hi.

[A]

Hey.

[D]

I was listening to the lady that just called, and it felt like I was listening to myself almost, and I wanted to give her some advice. I had recently, like, I had a friend come into my life. She was a really good friend, and she opened up to me, and she opened up to me about her eating disorder. And it opened my eyes, like, how. How much, like, I.

[E]

How.

[D]

How many things, like, were wrong with what I was doing. And I just wanted to tell her, like, how much that opened my eyes. And it was just. I kept listening to what she was saying and relating to everything that she Was saying I think about my weight constantly, and it's really, like, a really big issue. And I don't think that it's, like, something that means to control my life as much as it does.

[A]

What did she say to you that was, like, the final red flag for you to say, okay, I'm obsessing over this.

[D]

It wasn't so much as what she said. It was just, like, hanging out with her and seeing, like, her telling me her experience and how much, like, I could relate to what she was doing. And she's, like, to a point where she can. She's completely. She went and got treatment and is, like, 100% better from it. And, like, she does things that, like, I catch myself not wanting to do, like, the things that she, like. Like she eats normally and stuff like that. So I'm actually going to go to a meeting with her, like, eating disorders anonymous meeting and just see, like, what I can learn from it, because I feel like what I do is not normal. Like, I shouldn't be obsessing as much as I do over.

[C]

I've always wondered, what did she tell you treatment is, like, for an eating disorder? What is that?

[D]

I mean, she went. She went to a place, like, it was a really long process, and she went somewhere and got help, and I don't know exactly what they did, but.

[C]

So she checked into, like, a Betty Ford for eating disorders.

[D]

Yeah, like, on her own terms and stuff like that. But I just feel like it's my, like, the lady that called. Like, I constantly think about it. It's constantly on my mind, and I know that that's not normal, and, like, having somebody in my life like, that has definitely put it into perspective how much, like, the things that I do is not normal and kind of dangerous. So it's helping me a lot. And when Bert said that he's never met somebody that, you know, has actually had an eating disorder, it opened my eyes a lot because you can.

[B]

You never know.

[A]

Right. Well, I've known people that have had eating disorders, but I've never known anybody that had the eating disorder, got help for it, and was healthy after that. So I don't know what the signs are, but Michelle here wants to be on the voice disguise or can certainly relate maybe to what you're saying.

[E]

Absolutely. Good morning, guys. Love the show.

[A]

Thank you.

[E]

Thanks.

[A]

What's up?

[E]

I. Tomorrow, I'm checking myself into treatment for an eating disorder. This will be my second time in treatment. I was healthy for a while after my first time in treatment, and it's gotten worse again. So I'm going back and this. I'm sorry, I forget the young girl's name.

[A]

Lauren.

[E]

Lauren, you need to go talk to your primary care physician. You should talk to a therapist or a nurse. These are red flag after red flag after red flag. And I'm not going to tell you that you have an eating disorder because I'm not qualified to do that. But everything you say is something that I have said. And I was in denial about it for a long time. And I kept thinking, well, it's normal. I'm a girl. I'm supposed to think about weight. I'm supposed to count calories. But starvation is anything below 900 calories a day.

[C]

Oh, really?

[E]

At any point in your life, you've been restricting yourself to 600 or less and exercising. Those are just two huge red flags. And it's important to realize that eating disorders have nothing to do about exercise, about food, about your family history with exercise and food. Those can all tie into it. But it's about something emotional, some sort of trauma, usually. And again, I don't know you. I don't know your past, but don't think, oh, I don't know where this comes from because no one in my family works out. Chances are that has nothing to do with it.

[A]

Are you sort of listening to what Michelle's saying and dismissing, like, the advice she's giving you? Like you're thinking, come on. I can't. This is not me. She's talking.

[B]

I mean, I totally understand where she's coming from. And also, I think the 600 calories or less, I did that, like, maybe in high school, but totally, I did not do that in college. And right now I don't. But, yeah, I agree with what she's saying for the most part.

[A]

Let me do this. I found a couple of online tests that I think it's about 15 questions long. That gives you a better understanding if you are. If you have an eating disorder or not. Why don't we answer those when we come back and we'll see what it says? Now, it's one website, so I don't know how credible it could be, but. But it can point you in the right direction if you're willing to do it.

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. No, it just.

[A]

You weren't expecting this, right?

[B]

No, I mean, I don't think I really needed to go to the therapist. I'm not like, that crazy.

[E]

No.

[A]

Hey, Michelle. Well, it's not crazy, though.

[B]

That crazy.

[A]

Hey, Michelle, I want to keep you

[B]

on hold in the world.

[E]

Go to therapist. Those are the least crazy people I know.

[A]

Hey, Michelle, let me keep you on hold, okay?

[E]

Okay.

[A]

And we'll take the test and you can continue to talk to Michelle because you've got this in your head that this is some kind of craziness thing going on. And I think you're sort of like you're not gonna hear anybody else's answers, but if you take this and you see that the results come out either positively or negatively, then you'll maybe take them more seriously.

[C]

Well, you don't want to hear it because then if you realize there's something wrong, then you have to change it. And you don't want to change anything about the way that you think or the way you think about your body or food or whatever.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I think there's like 15 questions on this thing. We'll start going through them next. The Birch Show.