Vault: He's Afraid He's Going To Self Sabotage His New Relationship

Summary

---

The Bert Show: Vault - He's Afraid He's Going To Self Sabotage His New Relationship

Date: January 26, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Main Cast in Episode: Bert (A), Kristin (B), Abby (C), Blake (D, Guest/Blogger)
Theme: Navigating New Relationships and Commitment Issues from a Guy’s Perspective

---

Episode Overview

This episode welcomes back "Blake", the show’s anonymous single-guy blogger, for a candid conversation about dating, self-sabotage, and the pressures of starting a new relationship—especially when family ties raise the stakes. Blake talks about his new love interest (“Diana”), struggles with changing his dating habits, and reflects on why commitment can be tough for men. The hosts and Blake delve into gender expectations, dating mind games, and the awkward dance of labels and exclusivity.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Introducing “Blake” and His Situation

• Blake’s Role:

  • Blake is the show’s single anonymous guy blogger, offering honest insight into dating life in Atlanta.
  • “Because Blake is not actually his name. That is just going to be his pen name for coming on the Bird show so we can get some real honest, you know, honest insight into the dating world.” (B, 00:03)

• Blake’s New Situation:

  • He’s recently been set up with “Diana,” his sister-in-law’s lifelong best friend, making things both exciting and risky.
  • “...if I screw up, if I make a wrong move or if I offend someone...when you’re dealing with someone who you have a little respect for and you think of as a good person and a sweet girl, you can’t get off the telephone after having a screaming match and say, you know that B. I can’t believe her. She’s so wrong about this. You hang up the phone and you say, yeah, she’s…kind of right. I was kind of a jerk. And that’s not fun.” (D, 07:47)

---

Navigating Family Dynamics and Dating Anxiety

• High Stakes Family Connections:

  • Dating Diana introduces unique pressure because a mistake could affect family relationships.
  • “I just don’t want to tick off, you know, the kind of the newlywed wife…you can see that the family has definitely shifted. And…the last thing I need to do is lose my, you know, lose my ace in the hole.” (D, 02:58)

• Authenticity Over “Game”:

  • Blake usually keeps a defensive front early in dating to avoid being vulnerable, but feels he must change that now.
  • “The hardest thing so far has been trying not to be a prick because that’s normally kind of what I’ll do in the first stages of dating is kind of be a slight jerk, you know, so that they…I don’t know…” (D, 04:03)

---

Relationship Patterns and Self-Reflection

• Changing Tactics:

  • Blake explores being more genuine versus playing the “player” or aloof role, admitting old habits are hard to break.
  • “Is being nicer more natural? Or have you been doing the player thing, act like a jerk for so long, that becomes more natural?” (B, 04:38)
  • “Yes. Yes. I would say I should be all the way. Yeah.” (D, 04:45)

• Dating “Good Girls”:

  • He recalls a previous attempt at a more traditional, exclusive relationship, which ended poorly after pressure to define the relationship.
  • “It was a whole explosion at Thanksgiving. I had to go and have Thanksgiving with her parents, and it was weird and creepy and then wanted me to, like, she wanted me to commit and not even commit hardcore just to say that we were a couple and that I wasn’t going to go out looking for other women.” (D, 05:47)
  • He values honesty, but also resists labels and exclusivity, which he acknowledges is a “hot topic and a really scary topic” for many men.

---

Societal Expectations and Gender Dynamics

• When to Define the Relationship:

  • The hosts and Blake agree that labeling is expected around two to three months in, but it can still feel fraught.
  • “That’s appropriate labeling time, right?” (A, 07:07)
  • “Yeah, it is for a girl, I think. Yeah. I mean, there’s going to be some expectation, I think, of having a definition, you know.” (C, 07:10)

• Why Commitment Is Scary:

  • Kristin and Abby offer a female perspective about why women want clarity, while Blake admits men can feel anxious about commitment, sometimes indefinitely.
  • “...we were just defending her stance, but I think women need to understand that commitment for guys is a really hot topic and a really scary topic.” (C, 08:23)
  • “I do know some guys out there that any sort of commitment, even. Even in naming or a label, is considered commit.” (A, 08:46)

---

Listener Engagement and Future Episodes

• Advice Column Plans:
  • There’s a discussion about Blake responding to female listeners’ emailed questions about relationships in Atlanta on future episodes.
  • “A lot of the questions coming in are from girls in Atlanta that are saying, you know, my guys, he’s not willing to commit. I mean, people that have been dating for a year, year and a half, they still…the girl still feels like he’s not ready to go into this relationship 100%.” (D, 08:51)
  • Blake is encouraged to share his responses live: “Pick out some of the more interesting of those emails…we’ll read lines from the emails and have you address those questions.” (A, 09:35)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On dating with family stakes:
  • “You can’t really just do what normally works when you’re worried about offending family, really.” (D, 02:32)
• On breaking habitual dating behaviors:
  • “It is kind of nice being able to have that freedom to just, you know, treat them the way…I think just naturally would do it. But it is throwing me off my game a little bit, for sure.” (D, 05:02)
• On why commitment can be a big hurdle:
  • “Commitment for guys is a really hot topic and a really scary topic.” (C, 08:23)

---

Important Timestamps

• 00:03 – Introduction to Blake and explanation of his anonymity
• 01:18 – Details on new romance with “Diana” and holiday trip
• 02:58 – Why dating Diana is tricky due to family connections
• 04:03-05:23 – Blake explains his usual dating “game” and how he’s trying to change it
• 05:47 – Story about dating a “good girl” and the fallout from refusing labels
• 07:07 – Hosts discuss appropriate timing to define a relationship
• 08:23 – Gender differences about commitment and relationship definition
• 08:51 – Blake references listener questions for future advice segments

---

Episode Tone and Style

True to The Bert Show’s style, the conversation is humorous, self-deprecating, and candid, with a natural rapport between the hosts and guest. Blake’s vulnerability as he discusses his patterns and anxieties gives listeners honest insight into dating from a male perspective, while the hosts both challenge and empathize with him—balancing real talk with light-hearted teasing.

---

Takeaways for Listeners

• Family dynamics can raise the stakes in early dating and intensify anxiety about getting things right.
• Men may default to defensive or “player” behaviors out of fear or habit, especially when commitment looms.
• Women’s desire for relationship clarity is often matched by men’s apprehension about labels or exclusivity.
• Open conversation can help bridge the gender gap in expectations, and Blake’s willingness to answer real-life questions promises ongoing insights in future episodes.

---

For more from “Blake,” read his blog at allthehitsq100.com and watch for upcoming listener Q&A segments on the show!

Transcript

[A]

The Bird Show. How would you describe Blake?

[B]

Blake is our single anonymous guy blogger. He is the one who is going to be able to be really honest about his life of being a single guy in Atlanta and dating and that sort of thing. Because Blake is not actually his name. That is just going to be his pen name for coming on the Bird show so we can get some real honest, you know, honest insight into the dating world.

[A]

And Blake has been joining us for a few, a few months now. We haven't talked to him in quite a while. So we can get some. You can read his blog. His blog still exists at all the hits q100.com but Blake finds himself in an interesting situation now that. Involving dating that could be potentially dangerous to manage.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

He's been set up with someone by somebody that he knows. And so he has to give a good try to the person he was set up with. So the person he knows who set him up isn't offended.

[D]

Right.

[A]

By him, like just completely rejecting.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

So.

[A]

Hey, Blake, how you been doing?

[D]

Pretty good. How are you guys?

[A]

Good. How were your holidays?

[D]

They were fantastic. They were really cool. Got, got some time off from work and got to do a little traveling. Those. It was great.

[B]

And was the traveling solo or with any women?

[D]

Oh, no. Well, New Year's we went to, we, we went to Hilton Head and a friend of mine had rented out a cottage down there. And so I got to go down there with this new girl that's on the horizon. I guess we'll call her Diana. And it was a fun little two days in Hilton Head. It was great. It was a chance for us to kind of get away from the city for a little while and get to know each other a little better.

[C]

So tell us about Diana and how y' all met.

[D]

Okay. Well, Diana is like the long term best friend of my sister in law.

[A]

Ooh, see? Yeah, that's tough.

[D]

Yeah. And it's not like she's my best friend kind of best friend. It's like legitimate best friend.

[C]

Right.

[D]

So, I mean, they've known each other since they were kids, so she's absolutely drop dead gorgeous. And I'm using my sister in law. I feel most bad about it because I don't think this girl would normally. Would normally be. Would normally. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? There'd be a lot of effort. There'd be a lot of effort put into it to make it happen. But yeah, it's. I don't know, you kind of doubt yourself when you're in a Situation like this because you can't really work your normal. I guess I don't want to call it game. That's kind of lame. But you can't. You can't really just do what normally works when you're worried about offending family, really. And then it would just be awkward because this girl's over all the time and, yeah, it would definitely be a bad situation.

[B]

So were you nervous about dating her in the first place because of that?

[D]

No, not really. I wasn't. Like the whole looks thing or any of that. That doesn't really affect me or bother me. I have a really close relationship with my brother, and we're a really tight family, and I just don't want to tick off, you know, the kind of the newlywed wife they've been. They got married this year and it's kind of. You can. You can see that the family has definitely shifted. And. Yeah, the last thing I need to do is lose my, you know, lose my ace in the hole because she. I don't know if she even really likes me that much. I think she's more trying to set me up with her friends just to give me a reason, not be around their house all the time, you know.

[B]

Okay, so. And you're feeling like it's going good or.

[D]

Oh, yeah, the relationship's going, or the. Well, it's not really a relationship yet, but so far it's been going great. Having a lot of fun, going out. She's. She's really smart. She's. Let's see, we have similar. I don't want to reveal too much, but we have similar backgrounds in, like, in schooling and travel and stuff. And. No, it's really going well. The hardest thing so far has been trying not to be a prick because that's normally kind of what I'll do in the first stages of dating is kind of be a slight jerk, you know, so that they. I don't know, it's just a kind of. Yeah, just kind of like the give and take in the early stage of the game. You don't want them to think that, you know, you're too head over heels for them or anything. But in this case, I kind of have to be a lot nicer than I'm used to being. But is it. Is it.

[B]

Is being nicer more natural? Or have you been doing the player thing, act like a jerk for so long, that becomes more natural?

[D]

Yes. Yes. I would say I should be all the way. Yeah. Because I think of myself as kind of a guy who'll think about, like, you know, doing something romantic or doing something sweet or trying to remember things, but, you know, if that fails nine times out of ten, and the other route will get you someone to go home with you that night, we're just gonna. We kind of have to go with the option that works, you know, so it is kind of nice being able to have that freedom to just, you know, treat them the way, you know, treat a girl the way I think just naturally would do it. But it is throwing me off my game a little bit, for sure.

[A]

Are you making any, like, dating style resolutions for 2008? Like, maybe a different. Different type of woman or a different technique or a different way to treat people?

[D]

Well, I tried out. I tried out, like, doing the good girl thing, doing the girl next door thing, and that kind of blew up in my face.

[B]

What do you mean, doing the girl next door?

[C]

Explain that.

[D]

All right. All right. Well, it had come down before. Okay, this is all before Diana, but it had come down. There were these two girls that I was seeing, one that I basically picked up at a bar and. And then the other that I had kind of developed this kind of relationship over a couple of weeks, actually a couple of months. And she was definitely the sweet girl, the girl with morals, the girl with values. Definitely the person that, you know, I would have been crazy to let slip away. But I ended up going with her. And then we had a whole. It was a whole explosion at Thanksgiving. I had to go and have Thanksgiving with her parents, and it was weird and creepy and then wanted me to, like, she wanted me to commit and not even commit hardcore just to say that we were a couple and that I wasn't going to go out looking for other women. And I kind of valued our relationship on me being 100% honest and saying, you know, I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now. I really like you, and we have a lot of fun, but I still want to go out, and I still want to, you know, just have fun. And I don't want to, like. I don't want to put a label on what we are.

[B]

And she wanted to label it after.

[D]

How many dates this was. Probably. We've been seeing each other probably for two and a half months, three months. Oh, okay. Okay.

[B]

Well, that makes a little more sense.

[A]

That's. That's appropriate labeling time, right?

[C]

Yeah, it is for a girl, I think. Yeah. I mean, there's going to be some expectation, I think, of having a definition, you know.

[D]

Yeah, absolutely. And that's why I kind Of I kind of decided, yeah, all right, well, you know, go and have, I guess, Thanksgiving brunch with your parents. And that's a good label. Right. That means we're serious and committed. And then just telephone conversations after that, because it was a complete catastrophe. But after that, the telephone conversations turned into more arguments, and. Yeah. So maybe I feel maybe I just. I'm better off with the girls I pick up from the bar. And that's one of the reasons I'm a little freaked out about this Diana situation, because if I screw up, if I make a wrong move or if I offend someone or go the wrong route and it's just someone that I just casually met, then I don't really care about that. But when you're dealing with someone who you have a little respect for and you think of as a good person and a sweet girl, you can't get off the telephone after having a screaming match and say, you know that B. I can't believe her. She's so wrong about this. You hang up the phone and you say, yeah, she's. She's kind of right. I was kind of a jerk. And that's not fun.

[C]

Well, but you know what, Blake? I mean, one of the reasons that I. That you're taking the time to write the blog and kind of give women insight into a guy's mind is because that is what a guy has in his mind. I mean, I think that, you know, we were just defending her stance, but I think women need to understand that commitment for guys is a really hot topic and a really scary topic. Right.

[D]

It really can be. I do know some guys out there.

[A]

That any sort of commitment, even. Even in naming or a label, is considered commit.

[C]

Huh?

[D]

Yeah. And actually, we've. We've put the email address for people to write into me now. I've got a huge, huge response to that. I've really been surprised. And a lot of the questions coming in are from girls in Atlanta that are saying, you know, my guys, he's not willing to commit. I mean, people that have been dating for a year, year and a half, they still. The girl still feels like he's not ready to go into this relationship 100%. It's been a year, you know, and they're worried. They're like, is he cheating on me? Is he just not interested in me? Am I just someone he can sleep with on a Friday night or Saturday night? And you're right. It's a big step for a guy. Some guys can never really quite make it.

[A]

Hey, Blake, you know what you should do is pick out some of the more interesting of those emails. People who have questions that you can address and have, like, two or three of them ready to address, email them to Tracy, and then we'll have you come back on the air and we'll read lines from the emails and have you address those questions.

[D]

That would be great. That would be great. Awesome.

[C]

Well, happy New Year, Blake, guys.

[D]

Happy New Year. And when Bird gets back on, my hope he'll be feeling better. And I'll talk to you guys soon. Good luck with.

[A]

What do we call her? Diana.

[D]

Right, Diana. We'll call her Diana.

[A]

Good luck with Diana. All right.

[B]

Maybe I won't screw it up, Mr. Commitment Phobe.

[D]

I know, right? Oh, boy.

[A]

See you later, Brett. Blake, you can go to allthehitsq100.com, you can see his blog postings, and you can also see his email address where you can email Blake and ask him your questions. And like we just said, he'll come on the air next couple of weeks and address those questions that have been received at his blog, the Birch Show.