The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: He's Confused After Going On A Date With A Witch?!

Date: March 31, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of The Bert Show, the team dives into a unique listener dilemma: Ryan, a caller, is confused after learning that his recent date is a practicing witch. What begins as playful banter quickly turns into a thoughtful and educational conversation about Wicca, modern witchcraft, and religious disclosure in dating. With input from both the show's cast and practicing members of the Wiccan community, the episode busts myths, explores honest communication in relationships, and balances humor with bridge-building between different worldviews.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Ryan’s Story: The Date Reveal

• Ryan recounts going on a great first date with a woman (a friend of a friend), ending in an enthusiastic make-out session. The following day, she emails him and discloses that she is a witch and practices casting spells, cleansing, and scrying (looking into a crystal ball) ([00:58]).
• Ryan is "freaking out" and seeking guidance, unsure if his reaction is justified or based on misconceptions ([01:51]):

  "I'm freaking out. I don't know. I haven't called her back since yet. I don't know whether this is crazy, whether I'm overreacting..." – Ryan ([01:51])

2. Breaking Down Stereotypes and Misconceptions

• The hosts and callers riff on the Hollywood image of witches and bring up questions about Wicca versus witchcraft, referencing pop culture and common misunderstandings ([02:12-03:34]).
• Jeff jokes:

  "Did you ask her if she's a good witch or the bad witch?" ([02:18])

3. Clarifying Witchcraft, Wicca, and Religion

• A Wiccan Priest calls in, explaining Wicca as a bona fide nature-based religion:

  "Wicca is definitely a religion." – Wiccan Priest ([04:31])

• Distinguishes Wicca from "evil" practices and clarifies that voodoo (and needle-in-doll magic) is a different religion entirely ([04:58-05:00]).
• Wiccans "celebrate the universe and nature," living each day as church, not just attending gatherings ([05:57]).

4. Life as a Wiccan and Compatibility in Dating

• The Wiccan Priest shares his journey from a Catholic background to Wicca due to unanswered questions in Christianity ([06:53-07:14]).
• On dating, he stresses Wiccans aren’t exclusionary, but it's common for any minority to dislike being judged or misunderstood ([07:23]).
• Wiccans favor honesty because of the misconceptions, so Ryan's date was up front after feeling a connection ([07:43]):

  “If she happens to like this guy, for him to find out later, it might freak him out. Like he is freaking out right now.” – Wiccan Priest ([07:43])

5. Religion and Relationship Timing

• Some hosts question if it was too early to disclose her Wiccan identity ([08:00-08:11]).
• The Wiccan Priest compares it to disclosing other important information up front for fairness, especially when it's core to one’s identity ([08:11]).
• Callers chime in that religious disclosure timing often matches the depth of one’s involvement.

6. Deeper Wiccan Practices: Rituals, Holidays, and Beliefs

• Shelley, another Wiccan, calls to clarify community practices:

  “Most Wiccans celebrate holidays which are called Sabbats, and they also celebrate these things called Esbats. ... There would be holidays she would be celebrating, and if they (Ryan and his date) were to get serious, he would see and get involved in these things.” ([09:04])

• Beltane (May 1) is given as an example—celebrating fertility and life ([09:45]).
• On faith compatibility, Shelley notes that core beliefs differ greatly between Christianity and Wicca, but openness is possible ([10:14]).

  “Most Wiccans worship a God and a goddess figure... sometimes that can drag down into more polytheistic beliefs...” – Shelley ([10:14-10:43])

7. Debunking Harm and Conversion Myths

• The Wiccan principle cited: “Harm none, do what you will.”

  “...she's not going to be sacrificing cats or anything like that.” – Shelley ([10:45])

• Shelley sees no reason Ryan would need to convert or fear harm:

  “She shouldn't harm you or do anything weird like that. Most Wiccans are pretty normal people, which is neat.” ([11:19])

8. Ryan’s Resolution

• Ryan feels reassured by the knowledge and stories from Wiccan callers ([11:49]):

  “You know, I think I’m actually kind of relieved by the last two folks who have called. So I think I will call her back and say, hey, let’s go on another date and see how it goes.” – Ryan ([11:49])

• The hosts and callers encourage him to pursue it with an open mind and curiosity.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ryan's initial confusion:

  “I don't want to come home one day with my buddies or something, and she's in the living room casting spells. How do I explain that?” – Ryan ([03:45])

• On stereotypes:

  “It really all depends on how hot she is anyway, because she could tell you anything. And if she's hot enough, she's Alyssa Milano and she's saying she's a witch. You're like, no worries. Please get around that. Totally.” – Tyler Redick ([03:34])

• Explaining Wiccan daily practice:

  “Wiccans celebrate the universe and nature. So every day that we wake up, we are in our church.” – Wiccan Priest ([05:57])

• Wiccan ethics:

  “Their main law is in ye harm none. Do what you will.” – Shelley ([10:45])

• Relief and decision:

  “I think I will call her back and say, hey, let's go on another date and see how it goes.” – Ryan ([11:49])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Ryan’s Story and Dilemma: [00:58 – 02:21]
• Exploring Witchcraft (Stereotypes vs. Reality): [02:21 – 03:45]
• Wiccan Priest on Beliefs and Religion: [04:16 – 07:14]
• Disclosure Timing & Relationship Advice: [08:00 – 08:50]
• Shelley Deepens the Wiccan Discussion: [08:56 – 11:19]
• Ryan’s Resolution & Show Wrap-Up: [11:34 – 12:09]

Summary and Takeaways

This episode offers a humorous, non-judgmental, and informative look at what it means to date someone with non-traditional religious beliefs. The Bert Show fosters genuine curiosity, dispels fears and myths, and encourages listeners to keep an open mind. Ryan’s journey—from confusion to curiosity—mirrors that of many navigating modern dating with honesty and respect for diversity.

Listeners will come away with:

• Greater understanding of Wicca and modern witchcraft
• Reassurance that open communication is key in relationships
• A reminder that authenticity and acceptance enrich our connections