Host (Burke) (2:15)

Can I interrupt for just one second here just for a little clarification? You said this was a mutual friend.

Caller Lisa (2:20)

Was this somebody both of our best friends. We met him at the same time and we just all three clicked.

Host (Burke) (2:26)

So you wouldn't say like your. Your husband was a better friend and brought him into the relationship. You met him at the same time?

Caller Lisa (2:32)

Yeah, we met him at the exact same time. But my husband and him kind of became just more like best buddies and would go off together and I would go off with him by myself too, when my husband traveled for work.

Host (Burke) (2:44)

Okay.

Caller Lisa (2:46)

So the situation is that we trusted him with our lives because of, you know, it's hard to kind of have a guy friend who won't ever hit on you. And he was somebody who never, ever hit on me whatsoever. Well, a couple months ago, it was my husband's birthday and we all three went out like normal. And this best friend had way too much to drink, so I had to drive him home. And my husband followed in his car. Well, the entire way home, out of nowhere, the best friend began to cry. And the entire drive, tell me how much he was in love with me. He's always been in love with me. There would never be anybody else for him because he'll compare everyone to me and that it killed him to watch us get married. And it should have been us because he knows we would have been happy together.

Host (Burke) (3:39)

Oh, boy, such a betrayal. And this was the best man in the wedding?

Caller Lisa (3:42)

Yes, he was the best man. We wouldn't have had anybody else for the best man.

Host (Burke) (3:45)

And he said from day one he was in love with you?

Caller Lisa (3:47)

Yes, well, I was.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (3:49)

My question is, as you've been talking, like you've all three hung out, you've all three hung out. And I was going to ask, has he ever been in a serious relationship since you've met him? Because, I mean, he. It is kind of, I mean, odd that he would not have bring a double date, a fourth person into your relationship. I mean, he's always hanging out with you guys, right?

Caller Lisa (4:07)

He has never had a girlfriend since I've known him. He's always kind of been just a. A loner. And I think that he comes across way too needy to girls. So he's just never been able to get a girlfriend.

Host (Burke) (4:19)

And he never at any time over the last two years gave you any indication at all that he was attracted to you?

Caller Lisa (4:25)

Never. I. I swear he never did anything inappropriate ever.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (4:31)

In outwardly.

Caller Lisa (4:35)

I never saw any signals. And I've become pretty keen to signals over the years because of other circumstances with guys. So that's why my husband really loved and trusted this person.

Host (Burke) (4:47)

I don't know what the advice could be here. I mean, what can you do? I mean, it's over.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (4:52)

Well, I'm curious on what happened afterwards. So he, you know, you're driving his car home because he's drunk, he professes his love for you. You drop him off and drop off the car. You get in the car with your husband, and then what happens?

Caller Lisa (5:03)

Well, what happened when I pulled in the driveway that made it worse is he wouldn't let me out of the car until I let him kiss me on the forehead. And I did not want him to do that. So I was arguing with him, and my husband came up to the window and said, what's going on in here? And that's when I jumped out of the car and got in my husband's car and I told him everything that happened.

Host (Burke) (5:24)

So the timing on this thing was almost like a soap opera where you let this guy kiss you on the forehead, and just as he does, your husband shows up to the side of the car to see it.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (5:32)

No, she didn't let him.

Host (Burke) (5:34)

She did. She did let him.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (5:35)

Yeah. What do you mean by he wouldn't let you out of the car?

Caller Lisa (5:39)

He kept saying, no, don't go. Don't go yet. And he was holding my wrist.

Host (Burke) (5:42)

Yeah, just that whole drunk. You've been a situation like this, someone's drunk and they want to talk.

Caller Lisa (5:46)

But yeah, it was just really, really awkward, and I wanted just to get out of there.

Host (Burke) (5:52)

So really, what's your. What's your question then for advice? Because it seems this is going to be pretty slam dunk.

Caller Lisa (5:57)

Well, my question is it's kind of twofold. I want to know if my reaction's normal because now I just can't even face him at all. And my other question is, is my husband's reaction normal? Because he just keeps telling me to get over it. I'm overreacting. He just had too much to drink and it was just the alcohol talking, which I don't believe that you told.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (6:19)

Him everything that happened between the two of you?

Caller Lisa (6:21)

Yes.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (6:22)

Okay.

Host (Burke) (6:22)

And your husband said, this is not a big deal. Just get over it?

Caller Lisa (6:25)

Yes. And I don't know if that's normal for men to do that. I don't understand.

Host (Burke) (6:29)

That one wouldn't be normal in my house. Oh, no, that's it.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (6:32)

So he's really in denial about his best friend.

Caller Lisa (6:36)

Yes. And they've hung out since, but I refused to be involved in that. And the best friend invited himself over to our house. And so I ran and hid in the bathroom, which I Know is childish, but I just couldn't bring myself to face him since the ordeal.

Host (Burke) (6:51)

All right, the one thing I want to focus on here, because we're gonna need some kind of focus here. 404, 741, 1005. Is the husband's reaction to all this? Because in this whole complicated relationship, this. That, to me, seems like the strangest part of the whole thing that he's saying, eh, not a big deal. Let's keep hanging out with him. He was drunk. Not his true feelings. That just seems a little off to me.

Caller Lisa (7:14)

Right.

Host (Burke) (7:15)

I understand why you would feel uneasy. I don't. It seems a little dramatic to run into a bathroom.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (7:20)

I don't want to see him.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (7:21)

I can understand.

Host (Burke) (7:22)

I can understand it, but I can understand it.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (7:24)

I think running into the bathroom is. I mean, I think she just got out of the room that he was in, which, you know, happened to be a bathroom, and she got under the tub and covered herself in towels.

Caller Lisa (7:33)

I don't like it.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (7:34)

I think that's okay.

Host (Burke) (7:35)

Now, your husband. Now, I want to fast forward here and take a peek at the future here. Okay.

Caller Lisa (7:40)

Okay.

Host (Burke) (7:40)

Let's just say something crazy. Let's just say it totally. I mean, totally out of the box thinking here that you end up falling in love with the best friend. Okay. Now I want to. I want to put you in the situation of your husband telling his friends why he lost his wife. They're all going to go, you're a moron for keeping the guy around in the first place. He gave you all the warning signs years ago. And. And the fact that she fell in love with him is only your fault for keeping the guy around.

Caller Lisa (8:09)

Right. And one of the problems is the best friend has never acknowledged that this even happened. And that would help me if he would acknowledge it.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (8:15)

Of course not. I mean, now he's sober. He couldn't acknowledge it when he was sober before. So are you expecting to change now?

Co-host or Panelist 3 (8:20)

No way. I could never look at a friend of mine the same way.

Host (Burke) (8:24)

Me neither. It's over. Hey, Tonya.

Caller Lisa (8:26)

Hi. How are you?

Host (Burke) (8:27)

Good, thank you.

Caller Lisa (8:28)

I just wanted to drive home again, the alcohol point. He probably wouldn't have come onto her had he not been intoxicated. And what I want to know is, why did the wife. Why did the wife drive him home and not the husband?

Host (Burke) (8:47)

That's a legitimate question. Why were you driving him home?

Caller Lisa (8:50)

Because my husband had his work truck there, and so he was following me in his work vehicle, and he didn't want me to have to drive it.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (8:57)

I still am. The problem I have in my mind is just that I can't believe that the conversation didn't come up between you and your husband about the fact that here's your best friend that only hangs out with you. And there was no. I just. I know that in a relationship, if we were hanging out with just one person all the time, we would question, why aren't they dating anybody? You know, like, why are they always hanging out with us? You know, like we would encourage them.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (9:21)

Did they ever bring a four. Did he ever bring a fourth person, like, to do a double date ever?

Caller Lisa (9:26)

No, never.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (9:27)

See, I.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (9:27)

That.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (9:28)

See that? I can't get over that. Yeah, it's a flag to me.

Host (Burke) (9:31)

Hey, Sean, you're on the Burke show on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

Caller Sean (9:35)

Hi. You know, I've been that drunk guy before where you just, you know, he has to have a lot of respect for. For your relationship because, I mean, being the best man at your wedding and all this time, he's never said anything. And then in this moment of weakness, he, you know, he reveals his feelings for you. It's. I feel bad for him. I feel bad for him because.

Host (Burke) (10:00)

Would you trust him around your wife?

Caller Sean (10:01)

And he knows he was rejected, so he's not going to bring it up again.

Host (Burke) (10:05)

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Caller Sean (10:06)

You brought it up to him and kind of reassured him that he's not an idiot for feeling the way that he is. But let him know that it can never happen.

Host (Burke) (10:16)

Why are you guys trying to comfort this guy?

Co-host or Panelist 3 (10:18)

Because the guy that just called, he was that guy.

Host (Burke) (10:20)

Yeah, exactly.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (10:21)

But it doesn't.

Host (Burke) (10:22)

Now, here's the.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (10:23)

Here's the two things. One, when you drink that much, what happens? Are your not standards lowered, but are your.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (10:34)

It's the inhibition thing.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (10:36)

Are your inhibitions lowered or are your true feelings coming out?

Host (Burke) (10:39)

Your true feelings are coming out. If Jen and I or Melissa and I go out and we get really drunk, at no point in the night am I gonna say to them, I have always loved you, because I don't.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (10:50)

Right. But you would tell us maybe secrets or something that you normally wouldn't could happen for sure, because it would be like something that, you know, oh, my God. I've been meaning to tell you this, or I've been afraid to tell you this, but it's something that's truthful that you're revealing.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (11:04)

If I don't care how, if I am sloppy drunk, I'm still not gonna sleep with a man. Okay. I mean, the Thing is, don't create, say that it doesn't, it doesn't create something that wasn't already there. I mean, we've all been in the situations, but usually if I've confessed my love to somebody, it's like to an ex girlfriend or, or to someone I am dating or, you know, it's never somebody who I never had feelings for.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (11:28)

Right.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (11:28)

And then the second thing I was going to say is, and this might be way too soap opera, you know, like 1980s Dallas Dynasty, Falcon Crest type, General Hospital twist. Yeah. But let me ask you this. Is there any chance, and I'm asking in the room, I'm not asking Lisa on the phone, is there any chance that there's something going on between the husband and the best friend? So that when this comes up from the woman, the husband and the husband's like, oh, he doesn't love you because he loves me.

Host (Burke) (11:58)

I don't know.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (11:58)

It's a little far.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (11:59)

That's a little too far fetched.

Host (Burke) (12:01)

Hey, Lisa. All the other calls on the line are basically saying you can't use the alcohol as the excuse. This is the guy's. Hey, Melissa. Yes, yes, go ahead, Melissa.

Caller Lisa (12:11)

I just cannot believe that people are calling in saying this is all based on alcohol.

Host (Burke) (12:16)

Right.

Caller Lisa (12:17)

I was in this exact same situation.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (12:19)

Really.

Caller Lisa (12:20)

My husband's best friend and his wife used to come to our house. We spent weekends with them. Every weekend. We were the couple that always hung out. They were at our house one time for a Super bowl party. The husband was rubbing on me, touching me. When they left, I said something to my husband. He said, oh, drinking. He didn't mean it. You watch your plate tomorrow and apologize. The next day the guy called me and he was like, look, I'm embarrassed, you know, it shouldn't happen. I crossed the line. I said, you know what? It's fine. I understand. We were all drinking. And he said, you know, but you sure did feel good.

Host (Burke) (12:54)

Oh, no.

Caller Lisa (12:57)

I didn't tell my husband. I thought it would go away. I said, I told him on the end it was inappropriate. Then he would try to get me alone at his house or my house. And I finally got to the point where I didn't want to be alone with him. Then my husband went out of town and the guy knew. And he showed up at my house drunk, trying to get in, telling me he was in love with me, he was going to lead his life and come to find out the guy had been having an affair with another girl in another state.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (13:22)

Right. Of course, this guy. I Mean, there's.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (13:25)

Just because of the alcohol.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (13:26)

I mean, like, if this guy was just attracted to her and one night he got drunk and said, you know what? I. You know. But he said he was in love with her. And the fact that he's never dated anybody, he's never brought a date to them, he has been jealous of this guy's life this whole time. He has wanted her for a long time. He is in love with her. And I don't know many men who will say they're in love with somebody sober, let alone when they get drunk.

Host (Burke) (13:47)

Right.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (13:47)

And so, I mean, this is pretty serious.

Host (Burke) (13:49)

Like, I could almost. I mean, in my house, the relationship with this guy would be done. But I'm just trying to think a little bit bigger than that. Like, if he didn't say the words I love you, and he just like, put his hands on you or tried to kiss you, and then the next morning said, look, it was the alcohol, then maybe somehow, some way, I could see how your husband would be like, ah, he was just being an idiot. But the whole, I have loved you from day one. No, sir.

Caulipower Advertiser (14:15)

Well.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (14:16)

And you almost feel bad for the guy. And the only reason I say this is because of that scene in Love, actually that we were talking about earlier when we were prefacing Lisa's story. There is a scene in that movie, if you've ever seen it. It's Keira Knightley and she, you know, is in love, gets married, and the best man in the whole, you know, in the whole scenario, you know, is filming the wedding and he doesn't show her the, the wedding video because it's all of her and it's him being in love with her and zooming in. And finally at the end of the movie, he tells her he's in love with her, but that he will never, you know, that he'll never tell her again. It was just one of those things yet. And at the end of that movie, you feel bad for the guy. So I almost feel some sympathy for your husband's friend because he is. It's unrequited love. He will never. He will never get in response what he feels for you. But I cannot understand your husband being in denial of the entire thing being okay with it.

Host (Burke) (15:09)

Yeah, you gotta let this guy go.

Caller Lisa (15:11)

Should I approach him about what happened and confront him on it?

Co-host or Panelist 1 (15:15)

What else do you plan to do?

Co-host or Panelist 2 (15:15)

I think you approach your husband and you say, look, I gotta be honest with you. It bothers me that you're not more bothered by a man who has the potential of being alone with me in the future, professing his love since day one to me.

Host (Burke) (15:28)

You know what the bottom line here is also, if you tell your husband you're not comfortable around this guy, then your husband, as your husband, has to respect that and say, okay, my priorities are my wife. I gotta protect the family here. Buh. Bye.

Co-host or Panelist 1 (15:40)

If I'm with a girlfriend and a friend comes over and she goes running into the bathroom and locks the door, I mean, I think as a girlfriend, it is my responsibility to figure out why and make sure that doesn't happen again. You right?

Co-host or Panelist 3 (15:53)

And I think if you guys approach the friend, you have to do it as a couple, like, if that's a good idea. I think if you're gonna sit down and talk to him, you guys have to be the united front.

Caller Lisa (16:03)

That's a good idea. I hadn't thought of that one.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (16:05)

But your husband, you gotta talk to your husband ahead of time. Because you can't go in there on a united front. And you be 100%. Your husband be at like 60.

Caller Lisa (16:13)

Right.

Co-host or Panelist 2 (16:13)

It's gotta be 200% from both of you. And you just say, I'm sorry. You've been a great friend. You've been a really great friend. But this is now really awkward for us, so. And you phrase it like. So I think we're gonna have to take a break of being friends. And then it'll just fizzle out.

Caller Lisa (16:26)

Right? I can never hang out with him alone ever again.

Host (Burke) (16:29)

No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. Wow.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (16:32)

I'm sorry you're going through this. God, that's like. You feel like you have this, like, bubble going on. It just bursts.

Host (Burke) (16:38)

Ugh. Terrible. Terrible.

Caller Lisa (16:39)

Well, thank you so much for your time.

Host (Burke) (16:41)

Yeah, sure. I mean, you gotta call us in a couple of weeks and let us know how this all works out.

Co-host or Panelist 3 (16:45)

Okay?

Caller Lisa (16:45)

Yeah, okay, I will.

Host (Burke) (16:47)

Okay. Good luck.

Caller Lisa (16:48)

Thank you. Take care.

Host (Burke) (16:49)

You too. Bye.

Caller Lisa (16:50)

Bye.

Host (Burke) (16:52)

The third show.

Caller Lisa (16:56)

Guys.

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Caller Sean (16:59)

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Host (Burke) (17:01)

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Caller Sean (17:04)

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Host (Burke) (17:07)

Right.

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