Vault: His mom caught him with HER panties

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: His Mom Caught Him With HER Panties"

Date: July 23, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Callers

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Episode Overview

The main theme of this episode centers on a vulnerable and awkward parenting dilemma: what should parents do if they walk in on their teenage child masturbating, particularly when the teen is using a parent's intimate item (in this case, the mother’s underwear)? The Bert Show’s cast and callers tackle taboo, embarrassment, and the complexity of adolescent sexual experimentation in a frank, humorous, and sometimes uncomfortable conversation. The episode examines boundaries, parent-child communication, and normalization of sexuality without shaming, sprinkled with real callers’ perspectives and a few unforgettable confessions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Listener's Dilemma (01:01–01:55)

• Caller M.M. shares her story: She walks in on her 14-year-old son using her underwear during masturbation.
  • "I walked in on him hooking himself up with my panties. Was it bad that I shut the door and let him finish?" (01:19, Caller M.M.)
• The hosts underscore the novelty and awkwardness of this situation, noting, "You can almost guarantee that you have not heard this problem before." (01:13, Host)

2. Initial Reactions: Is This Normal or Concerning? (01:55–03:50)

• The cast debates whether the mother's response—leaving her son alone—was appropriate.
• The shock mainly centers on the specific item used: "Her underwear. His mom's underwear." (01:46, Co-host 1)
• The co-hosts propose possible reasons and normalize teenage experimentation:
  • "I think when you're 14, it's a different mentality, to be honest with you. I don't think it's like—yeah, that's…" (02:56, Caller M.M.)
  • Is it just about having access to women’s underwear, or is it more?

3. The “Item” vs. “Relationship” Debate (03:50–05:00)

• The panel grapples with whether this is a fetishization of the item (panties) or something concerning because it’s the mother’s specifically.
  • "Are we focusing on the item… or… a more broad conversation of what do you do when you walk in on [your child]?" (03:47, Caller M.M.)
  • "…The fact he had mom panties. [That’s] good therapy." (03:55, Host) – prompts debate on whether this is a sign the child needs counseling.

4. Parental Approaches and Callers Weigh In

- Marie’s Advice (04:42–05:16)

• Caller Marie: Suggests that a parent, preferably the father, should have a brief conversation with the child: "He shouldn't be using family props." (04:46, Caller Marie)
• Marie’s humorous personal anecdote: her husband walked in on their son masturbating to Katie Couric on TV.

- Larry’s Confession & Advice (05:42–08:03)

• Caller Larry candidly shares that he used his mother's underwear as a teen.
  • "Yeah, you did. …I did. When I was that age, I was like 12, 13, 14." (07:12–07:16, Caller Larry)
• Insight: For Larry and many boys, it wasn’t about the mom, but simply an available female item.
• Larry suggests providing "non-mom" items for the child to avoid future awkwardness: "…purchase some non-mom items that sort of are just in … a drawer." (05:51–06:35, Caller Larry)
• The hosts react with disbelief and jokes, but Larry insists, "…didn’t affect me in the long term. It’s about the items, it’s not about Mom." (07:45, Caller Larry)

- Ruth’s Take (08:24–09:09)

• Caller Ruth, a single mom of four boys, isn’t concerned:
  • "There’s absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. …Maybe it was just the fact that they were panties." (08:28–08:49, Caller Ruth)
• Ruth recommends a low-key, direct approach: "At some point, either she or her son’s father… speaks to him and says, hey, that’s cool. I’m not comfortable with you using my panties." (09:02–09:24, Caller Ruth)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host: "I'll tell you what, the first thing you do is you get over to Sears.com and order yourself some new panties." (02:04)
• Co-host 2: "Stock them up with a drawer." (06:36) — tongue-in-cheek suggestion in response to Larry’s advice.
• Larry (Caller): "It’s about the items, it’s not about Mom. Okay. If it’s about mom, there’s other issues." (07:45)
• Host: "As a person who was once 14 and practically had to wear one of those bowling wrist things... I never once had to invoke the use of someone’s underwear." (06:49–07:02)
• Caller Ruth: "There’s absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation… you might want to ask him, but I really don’t think it’s anything unusual." (08:28–08:49)
• Host (sarcastically): "I think you should tell all of his friends and let them talk to him about it." (04:37) — highlighting the show’s irreverent humor.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:01] – Listener M.M. describes her walk-in moment
• [01:55]–[03:50] – Cast reactions: why this item, what’s normal, what’s weird
• [04:44] – Caller Marie: parental advice & anecdote
• [05:42] – Caller Larry: confession and “sock drawer” solution
• [07:45] – Larry makes the distinction: the "item" not the "mom"
• [08:28] – Caller Ruth: normalization and calm perspective
• [09:02] – Ruth recommends a quiet chat about boundaries

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Episode Takeaways

• Don’t shame or make it a big deal: Most agreed that the best approach is to avoid embarrassment, reinforcing privacy and boundaries without overreacting.
• Be clear about boundaries: Several callers highlighted the importance of calmly and privately addressing object use (“family props”) rather than suppressing or pathologizing masturbation itself.
• Normalize, but redirect: The consensus was to normalize sexual curiosity, but suggest alternatives to using deeply personal or boundary-crossing items.

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Overall Tone: Frank, awkward, humorous, and reassuring—balancing advice with honesty and a non-judgmental lens.
Best for: Parents looking for real talk on uncomfortable rite-of-passage moments, normalized by laughter and lived experience.

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Transcript

[Host]

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[Commercial Announcer]

The bird show.

[Caller M.M.]

All right, this is just for experienced moms and dads on this one and it's after 8:30, so we'll give the kid warning that if you have kids listening, you probably want to check out.

[Host]

For a couple, you can almost guarantee that you have not heard this problem before. Like this is going to be a first timer, right?

[Caller M.M.]

Okay, yeah, probably. Um, I'm not even gonna say her name. Hey, My name is M.M. and I'm 40 years old and I have a son who's 14. I walked on. I walked in on him hooking himself up with my panties. Was it bad that I shut the door and let him finish?

[Host]

I'm telling you right now, honey, he didn't finish

[Co-host 1]

her underwear. His mom's underwear.

[Caller M.M.]

What should I do? I mean, I think it's better that he do that than get a girl pregnant or get an st. So please help. Thank you. So I don't think they've even talked about it yet. So, yeah, she opens up the door, there he is. And she just. Then she. I don't. It doesn't say if he was wearing them or not.

[Host]

I'll tell you what, the first thing you do is you get over to Sears.com and order yourself some new panties.

[Co-host 2]

Well, I'm just wondering, mature wise, I'm wondering if he doesn't have any sister, he doesn't have any older sisters in the house. And that's the only option he has.

[Host]

But it's not the only option.

[Co-host 2]

Where is he gonna get a pair of women's underwear?

[Caller M.M.]

I Don't think it's necessarily about, I don't know. 404-741-Q100.

[Host]

Hypothetically, experience.

[Caller M.M.]

This is not like I've got a seven year old. I'm not experienced enough for this answer.

[Host]

Hypothetically, a young man of that age who does that frequently could do it without the benefits of underwear in his hand or on him or around him.

[Caller M.M.]

You're that old. It's just what's ever handy.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, but like there's not something really twisted about that being his mother's.

[Host]

Yes, it's gross.

[Co-host 1]

For most people, that would be a total turn off.

[Caller M.M.]

I think when you're 14, it's a different mentality, to be honest with you. I don't think it's like, yeah, that's

[Co-host 2]

what I was thinking of. Is it just the fact that it's women's underwear?

[Host]

Think about what you're saying. High school, it's your mom, that is your mom's underwear. Think of that. Think of peeling off your mom's underwear.

[Co-host 3]

Okay, yeah, we got it, we got

[Co-host 2]

it, we got it.

[Caller M.M.]

But don't. I mean, there is a part of you that can understand this part. Like at 14, it doesn't. It's just whatever's there. No, I gotta get this done.

[Host]

Whatever's there. He had to go into his mom's dresser or closet.

[Caller M.M.]

Maybe the laundry's right there.

[Co-host 2]

Laundry.

[Host]

It's not the only thing in there. If there is Kleenex, toilet paper, the bathroom rug, your cat

[Caller Marie]

out of it.

[Host]

There are a lot of things that you could use to clean, assuming that's what it was for.

[Caller M.M.]

So are we focusing on the item that he was doing that with? Are we talking about a more broad conversation of what do you do when you walk in on.

[Host]

Yeah, I think it's too. I think there's 1 million people in this city who could call out and say they walked in on their kid doing that and tell us how they handled it. The fact he had mom panties. Good therapy.

[Caller Ruth]

Yeah. Jack Jackson. Yeah.

[Caller M.M.]

You think Melissa, that's therapy issue.

[Co-host 2]

I don't, I don't. I'm thinking it from the standpoint of he. It was just women's underwear. Because my thing is with something like that, I think you're in such a danger zone when someone is starting to experiment that way by telling them they need therapy. You know what I mean? I just, I don't know. I just think it's more of a broad conversation. If you walk in on your kid

[Caller M.M.]

doing that 404,741qanon, there are not many people that want to get in on this.

[Co-host 2]

What do you do? You don't want to make him feel weird about it.

[Host]

I think you should tell all of his friends and let them talk to him about it.

[Caller M.M.]

Hey, Marie. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Marie]

Hello. I don't think the mom should say anything to him. I think the dad, though, should tell him that he should lock the door and that's all normal and. But the family props thing is not normal. He shouldn't be using family props.

[Caller M.M.]

So what do you. I mean, as a father, what's the conversation? Look, there's a. There, there are things that you. You can use and things you can't. And one on the can't use list is your mom's underwear.

[Caller Marie]

Well, you take matters into your own

[Co-host 2]

hand, so to speak.

[Commercial Announcer]

That's what he did.

[Caller Marie]

My husband walked in on my son, too, at that age, although he was just with himself and Katie Couric on tv. My husband took time to talk to him, but he didn't want to talk about it.

[Host]

You got to show that kid Fox News, man. Katie Couric is a waste of a thing.

[Caller M.M.]

I hope this was a long time ago.

[Host]

Yeah, all right, that's funny.

[Caller M.M.]

Here is Larry. Larry.

[Caller Larry]

Hey, how you doing? So I can't believe I've never called your show before, except for this topic. Here's the thing. It's not about her, obviously. It's not about his mom. It's about the item. And so the way to do it is mom needs to go out and purchase some non mom items that sort of are just in like a little drawer, special drawer bin or something that the kids are gonna do it. Then the boys trust all boys do it.

[Caller M.M.]

Right.

[Caller Larry]

And it's about the items. And he obviously probably doesn't have sisters. I mean, you know, if you grow up with no sisters and there's a female item, guess who's it's gonna be? Mom, Guess what? You're fixated at that age. Female items, go for it.

[Caller M.M.]

But I don't understand. I don't quite understand what you're. Yeah, I don't quite understand what your advice is. You saying go out and get different ones and he's got his own pile he can choose from.

[Caller Larry]

Exactly.

[Co-host 2]

So stock them up with a drawer.

[Caller Larry]

Yeah, here's your little, you know, here's your little stuff. You know, you don't have to make it massively obvious, but you can. Or you can. I mean, you know, you can.

[Host]

Larry, let me ask you A question, Larry.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Host]

Because as a person who was once 14 and practically had to wear one of those bowling wrist things.

[Co-host 1]

Oh, God.

[Host]

I never once.

[Co-host 1]

Too much information.

[Host]

Had to invoke the use of someone's underwear.

[Caller Larry]

But that's you. Everybody's different.

[Host]

Did you?

[Caller Larry]

Yeah, you did.

[Caller M.M.]

You used your mom's underwear.

[Caller Larry]

I did. When I was that age, I was like 12, 13, 14.

[Caller Marie]

Yeah.

[Caller Larry]

Until I discovered girls would actually, you know, let you, you know, be with them. Yeah. I mean, at that age, you know, you're not. You're not. Well, I don't know about this day society, but back then, you know, you just, you know, you didn't get real live people with you.

[Host]

Bert, did you ever grab a pair of Myra's boy shorts?

[Caller Larry]

Hey, I had all brothers. What can you do?

[Caller M.M.]

Stop it.

[Caller Larry]

She shouldn't freak. Here's my. Because it truly is my advice. She shouldn't freak. It's a. It's. And by the way, I grew up as a, you know, normal old, you know, hetero, had kids, married guy, so didn't affect me in the long term. It's. It's about the items. It's not about Mom. Okay. If it's about mom, there's other issues.

[Host]

It's about the item that, to me, I think. And I. I would know. I would watch the CBS News before Katie Couric was on, and whoever the anchor was used that.

[Caller M.M.]

But what he's saying is so like Larry. I mean, he's saying he was just different out.

[Caller Marie]

That.

[Caller M.M.]

That was.

[Caller Marie]

It was.

[Co-host 1]

It was the item. It was the.

[Caller M.M.]

The item.

[Co-host 1]

Silky material.

[Caller M.M.]

Connie, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Ruth]

Good morning, Burt Show.

[Caller M.M.]

Hi. What an interesting half of you.

[Caller Ruth]

I'm a single parent of four boys, 21 to 10. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. I mean, and the fact that he had women's panties. You might want to ask him. But I really don't think it's. It's anything unusual. You know, Paige will do it with anything.

[Host]

They weren't women's panties. They were his mom's.

[Caller M.M.]

Yeah. The fact that it's moms is.

[Caller Ruth]

Again, maybe it was just the fact that they were panties.

[Caller M.M.]

Right, right, right. It's just the item. It's not.

[Co-host 1]

And she has four. She would know.

[Caller M.M.]

All right, just take one more of these. Good morning. Ruth, you're on Q100.

[Caller Ruth]

Good morning. Hey. I think it's a little bit simpler. The mom walks in, he's doing what he's doing, shuts the door, and at some point, either she or her son's father, her husband speaks to him and says, hey, that's cool. I'm not comfortable with you using my panties. And then he'll figure something else out after that.

[Co-host 2]

I think the guy if, if his father's in the house, I think the father should, should have the conversation. I don't think the mother should go and say, I'm not comfortable with you using my panties to, you know, I'm

[Caller M.M.]

with you on that. I think that's conversation with that.

[Host]

If he's there.

[Caller M.M.]

Okay, that was fun. We through that one.

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