The Bert Show – "Vault: Hoss' Myspace Page"

Date: November 18, 2025
Episode Overview:
In this classic, laugh-filled Bert Show segment, the crew welcomes Hoss—a recent transplant from Charlotte, North Carolina—to Atlanta. The group dives into Hoss’s struggles as a newcomer, including his search for local hangouts and new friends, using his freshly created MySpace page as a launching pad for social connections. The show explores themes of moving, making friends as an adult, quirky personal preferences, and the role that community radio and social media play in easing relocation blues.

Main Theme & Purpose

Main Theme:
Helping Hoss, an affable newcomer, get acclimated to Atlanta—both socially and geographically—while spotlighting his quest for genuine human connection (and decent dive bars) via the magic of MySpace and the supportive Bert Show community.

Purpose:

• To turn Hoss’s “stranger in a strange town” status into fun radio fodder,
• To rally listeners to befriend Hoss and show him Atlanta,
• And to lovingly roast their new team member for being, as they put it, “pathetic, but charming.”

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hoss’s Arrival in Atlanta: Lost & Lonely

• Adjustment Woes: Hoss describes feeling lost after his move, needing time to adjust. He jokes about staying in his hotel room, playing Madden, and being too intimidated to explore.
• Host’s Concern:
  • "I'm a little concerned about you. I'm not gonna lie." – Host 1 (01:38)
  • "I've been that guy...in your case it's a couple hundred miles. I could call the guy anytime of day...there he was playing Madden all day." – Host 1 (01:40)
• Relief as Mom Leaves:
  • "Mom's gone. Yesterday...it was just like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I just feel awesome now. I'm ready to go." – Hoss (02:42)

2. In Search of the “Right Bar” and Making Friends

• Hoss’s Bar Preferences:
  • "I love a good, like, pub...Old speakeasy up in New York...like those hole in the wall type of places." – Hoss (03:16)
  • The hosts and Hoss throw around local bar suggestions: Fox and Hound, Frankie's, Tin Lizzy's, Peachtree Tavern, Moondogs, Rusty Nail, American Pie.
  • "Almost condemned type of places." – Hoss (03:42)
• Host Recommendations:
  • “Tin Lizzies...That place is awesome. I was there Friday night.” – Host 1 (04:29)

3. The MySpace Page: Reflection & Rallying Point

• Encouraging Listeners to Connect:
  • “Hoss has put up a MySpace page...It looks really good.” – Host 1 (04:40)
  • Hosts urge listeners to check out the page and befriend “pathetic but charming” Hoss.
• Hoss Reads His MySpace Bio: (Full self-description in own words, 06:46–07:46)
  • "I'm 24, 6ft tall, 210 pounds with brown spiky hair and green eyes. I'm your typical 24 year old guy because I love sports, drinking and hanging out with my boys...Love UNC Tar Heel basketball, the Braves, the Carolina Panthers...Hate Duke University, the Falcons, complainers, snakes, traffic, and mean people at the drive thru at 2am when you're drunk."

4. Social Life, Partying, and a Little Roasting

• The Struggle Is Real:
  • “He needs friends...It's really lonely in his top eight.” – Host 4 (08:45)
• Music Taste:
  • "Michael Buble, Gym Class Heroes...Fallout Boy, Montgomery Gentry, Chris Brown, Maroon 5...pretty much everything." – Hoss (08:55)
• Listener Calls & Invitations:
  • Brian invites Hoss out with "the Winston's" post-softball. (09:58)
  • Colleen calls Hoss a “lady killer” and “party animal.” (10:24, 11:02)
• Dating Preferences:
  • "No. Two legs, two arms, boobs, yeah, everything. It doesn't matter to me. I'm not too particular..." – Hoss (10:40)
  • Open to dating both younger and older women. (10:53)
  • “Who wouldn’t you go out with?” “Nobody. Pretty much open to all.” – Hoss (10:56)

5. Lighthearted Hazing & Team Banter

• The Hosts’ Teasing:
  • "Please be his friend. It is really pretty pathetic. When you start your page, there's only two people on it." – Host 1 (11:59)
  • Jen Fallon (from the office) offers to take Hoss out; playful speculation follows about dating prospects and timing. (12:05–12:17)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host 1 on Hoss’s Adjustment Anxiety:
  “I'm a little concerned about you. I'm not gonna lie. ...to me it's like a guy so intimidated that he doesn't leave his hotel room for two weeks...playing Madden all day.” (01:38–01:40)

• Hoss on His Bar Vibe:
  “Like almost condemned type of places.” (03:42)

• Reading from MySpace Bio:
  “My usual night out consists of going out to dinner, then back to my place for some pre-partying and then out to the bars...If you're still wondering what I'm all about, then below is a little list of things that I love and slash hate.” – Hoss (06:46–07:46)
  Hoss’s Loves: “UNC Tar Heel basketball, the Braves, Carolina Panthers...girls, captain and cokes, Miller Lite, ESPN, Wendy’s, Madden 2007…”
  Hoss’s Hates: “Duke University, the Falcons, complainers, snakes, traffic, and mean people at the drive thru at 2am when you're drunk.”

• Open-Minded Dating:
  “No. Two legs, two arms, boobs, yeah, everything. It doesn't matter to me. I'm not too particular...” – Hoss (10:40)

• Host Teasing:
  “Please be his friend. It is really pretty pathetic. When you start your page, there's only two people on it.” – Host 1 (11:59)

• Playful Gossip:
  "I already know that there’s one woman in the office that is on your jock." – Host 1 (05:12)
  "Plus she's not giving it up till she's married, so." – Host 4 (12:14)

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:33 – Hoss joins the show. Arrival anxieties and adjustment issues discussed.
• 02:27 – Hoss and hosts discuss the challenges of moving to a new city.
• 03:07 – Hoss outlines what he wants in a bar; hosts give Atlanta suggestions.
• 04:40 – Discussion about Hoss’s MySpace and pitches for listeners to connect.
• 06:46 – Hoss reads his own MySpace bio, listing likes, dislikes, and personal background.
• 08:55 – Hoss shares music preferences and more of his personality.
• 09:58 – Listener “Brian” calls in to invite Hoss out; listeners share impressions.
• 10:40 – Hoss’s (hilarious and honest) take on dating preferences.
• 12:05 – Jen Fallon offers to take Hoss out; office gossip ensues.

Structure for the Listener

Who is Hoss?

• 24-year-old newcomer from Charlotte, ready for adventure (or at least a beer).

What’s Happening?

• He’s lost, lonely, and in dire need of Atlanta friends and nightlife tips.

What Does He Want?

• Dive bar recommendations, drinking buddies, social opportunities, and a fast track to feeling at home.

How Can Listeners Help?

• Visit Hoss's MySpace, invite him out, show him around, be his “first real Atlanta friends.”

Why Listen?

• It's a silly, authentic look at being new in town—with lots of laughs, good-natured teasing, and a heartwarming sense of radio family/community.

Tone & Style

• Genuine, affable, teasing but well-meaning
• Quippy, quick-witted back-and-forth
• Open, approachable, welcoming to newcomers/listeners

Summary Takeaways

• Relocating is hard, but community makes it easier.
• Radio can serve as a social lifeline and connector—and even a real-life friend-finder app.
• Hoss brings vulnerability, charm, and self-deprecating humor to the crew, and the hosts lift him up (while roasting him mercilessly).
• The Atlanta Bert Show family is ready to welcome new arrivals, one MySpace request at a time.

For anyone new to Atlanta—or just looking for a laugh—this is a classic Bert Show vibe: real, funny, and full of heart.