Vault: Hoss's Inebriated Advice

Summary

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The Bert Show (Vault: Hoss's Inebriated Advice)

Host: Bert, with Hoss and the Bert Show cast
Date: November 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into Hoss's chaotic early days with The Bert Show, blending personal misadventures, relationship drama, and humor. The central focus is Hoss's "inebriated advice" segment, in which he solicits drunken relationship wisdom from strangers at a fraternity party. The gang also unpacks Hoss's rapid social climb in Atlanta and a particularly complicated new romantic interest.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hoss’s Arrival and Immediate Social Success

[01:33 – 02:41]

• Hoss, new to Atlanta, swiftly amasses 500-600 MySpace friends in one day (to the irritation of colleagues).
  • Bert: “He knew nobody in town at all… by the end of the first day you had how many friends?”
  • Hoss: “About five or six hundred.”
• Contrasts with predecessor Phil’s struggles in meeting people and connecting romantically.

2. Wild Romantic Escapades: "Amber" and the Engagement Ring

[02:41 – 06:30]

• Hoss recounts hooking up with a woman (“Amber”) his first Thursday in Atlanta, who keeps a $14,000 engagement ring in her purse.
  • Hoss finds out she’s allegedly still engaged and planning an international trip with her fiancé.
  • Female Co-host 2: “She carries it with her just to remind herself not to get that emotionally involved anymore.”
  • Female Co-host 1: “You don’t do that with a $14,000 ring. You do that with like a cubic zirconia type of deal.” [05:00]

3. Dates and Urban Legends: Friday the 13th in Atlanta

[07:01 – 09:15]

• Hoss and “Amber” go on spooky dates—including the “Devil’s Turnaround” haunted cemetery—on Friday the 13th.
• Anecdotes about romantic misadventures at haunted places abound, with jokes on the oddity of Hoss’s courtship style.

4. Frat Parties, Observations, and Atlanta’s Nightlife

[09:15 – 10:20]

• Saturday involves dinner at Fado’s and a fraternity party (“either Georgia State or Georgia Tech”); Hoss observes fights and the classic party scene.
• The team riffs on the college party atmosphere and Hoss’s ability to blend in.

5. Hoss’s Drunken Advice Segment: The Cousin Conundrum

[10:20 – 17:44]

• Hoss, somewhat inebriated, solicits and gives relationship advice at a fraternity party, focusing on a listener email:

  • The writer is attracted to a second cousin and is uncertain about acting on it.
  • Multiple partygoers and cast members debate the acceptability of cousin hookups, with regional jokes abounding.
  • Bert: “Only Alabamian people… There’s a saying in Spanish that says that the closer the cousins, the closer you can get.” [11:53]
  • Drunken partygoer reveals he once dated his cousin, furthering the humor and incredulity.

• Hoss, even more drunk in a later recording, reveals (sincerely) he dated his third cousin in 8th grade by accident:

  • Hoss: “The first girl I ever dated ended up being my third cousin. I didn’t know she was my third cousin until like two weeks after we started dating… we never did anything, man. It was kind of like in eighth grade, but it was still kind of freaky and kind of weird.” [15:04]

• The cast expresses a mix of disbelief, teasing, and appreciation for Hoss’s confessional style.

  • Female Co-host 1: “I think he’s taught us something about broadcasting… What a way to let people know that it’s authentic radio…” [16:51]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert, on Hoss’s MySpace popularity:

  “You’re not making a lot of friends.” [02:14]

• Female Co-host 2, about Phil’s romantic attempts:

  “You wanted Phil to be a player, and he’s just not a player. It just doesn’t pump through his veins.” [02:46]

• Hoss, summing up his night:

  “She wakes up right beside me.” [02:41]

• Hoss, on the mysterious engagement ring:

  “She says that she carries it with her just to remind herself not to get that emotionally involved anymore.” [03:46]

• Bert, on outlandish relationship advice:

  “Drunk people know everything.” [10:41]

• Drunk Hoss, giving inebriated cousin advice:

  “I totally think you should go for it, dude… you’re not like first cousins, you know? And… even if you’re cousins, man, you’re not like brother and sister, dude.” [14:35]

• Female Co-host 1, reflecting on authenticity:

  “What a way to let people know that it’s authentic radio rather than just every now and again.” [16:51]

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:33] — Bert introduces Hoss’s background and meteoric MySpace rise
• [02:41] — Hoss reveals details of his Atlanta romance and the infamous engagement ring
• [05:01] — Skepticism over “Amber’s” motives and the real ring
• [07:01] — Spooky Friday the 13th date: haunted cemetery adventures
• [10:20] — Hoss begins inebriated advice at the fraternity party
• [11:07] — The “cousin attraction” email and wild party reactions
• [14:35] — Hoss recounts his own accidental third cousin romance
• [16:51] — Cast reflects on the hilarity and raw authenticity of Hoss’s segment

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Closing Thoughts

This episode is classic Bert Show: unfiltered, irreverent, and anchored in the real-life misadventures of the hosts. Hoss’s storytelling and the ensuing inebriated advice segment provide a hilarious—if questionable—take on relationship dilemmas, while the cast’s banter captures the show’s authentic, slightly chaotic tone. For newcomers and fans alike, it's a ride through Atlanta's nightlife, accidental romance, and advice best left to the very brave (or very tipsy).

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Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap.

[Bert]

You're almost at the finish line.

[Commercial Announcer]

But first, There, the last one.

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[Bert]

Listen, it's the bird show with Hoss here. I'm not even sure where to start. I mean, there's so many avenues to go down with old Hoss here. Phil Tyranna, as we told you guys last week, is going to be leaving the Burch show. Hoss has joined the Bert show from Charlotte just to make it easy from Charlotte. So he's going to be hanging out with us. And now he's part of the Birch show, right? And last week, he knew nobody in town at all. He starts this MySpace page and, like, by the end of the first day, you had how many friends?

[Hoss]

About five or six hundred.

[Bert]

Five or six hundred.

[Female Co-host 1]

There are people in this building, by the way, so mad at you for that because they've been at MySpace forever and they've got like 172 friends, you know, and then they happen to go to your page and they're like, how.

[Bert]

Did he do that? Yeah, you're not making a lot of friends. Like on Friday. You got to keep something in mind. The history of the show with Phil Turana. I've been trying to get Phil Tyranna to hook up with listeners for a long time. Just. You know what? Just go out, have yourself a good time. Take advantage of the girls that are listening to this radio station. Go have a good time. So he's tried and tried and tried and tried for four years and never been successful. Hoss goes out one time last Thursday night. What happens, Hoss?

[Hoss]

She wakes up right beside me.

[Hers Medication Advertiser]

Next morning.

[Bert]

First time in Atlanta.

[Female Co-host 2]

You wanted Phil to be a player, and he's just not a player. It's just not in his blood. It doesn't pump through his veins.

[Bert]

He's a good guy.

[Male Co-host 2]

He dates a lot of hotties, and.

[Female Co-host 2]

A lot of them list. But, like, he has to get to know them, be friends with them, be a gentleman. And Hoss here is just a big old ho. So there's the difference.

[Bert]

You put the ho and Hoss right there.

[Female Co-host 2]

Exactly.

[Bert]

Didn't we, now? So Hoss hooks up with this girl on Thursday night and wakes up next to her Friday. They go to Fado's on Thursday night. They have themselves a great time for her birthday. For her birthday.

[Female Co-host 2]

Yeah, her 21st.

[Bert]

Her almost 21st. So he wakes up the next morning, and the interesting thing about this girl is she's got a. She carries around something very interesting. Very interesting in her purse.

[Hoss]

Yes, she does. She told me on Thursday night that she is previously engaged and owns a $14,000 diamond ring. So what?

[Female Co-host 2]

She got it with her.

[Female Co-host 1]

Got that in a safe deposit box, I'm sure.

[Hoss]

Right? Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. She. She carries it with her. She says that she carries it with her just to remind herself not to get that emotionally involved anymore.

[Female Co-host 1]

Do you think she might carry it with her because she's still engaged? Did you ever did that thought ever.

[Female Co-host 2]

Just in case she runs into her fiance?

[Bert]

I mean, as Hoss was telling us the story, all four of us jump on him with the same theory that this girl is engaged. Dude, what are you talking about?

[Hoss]

Then I find out this weekend that she is going on a trip to a. To a foreign country with him.

[Female Co-host 2]

Oh, she's engaged? No, man.

[Bert]

Like, she's got a ring.

[Hoss]

She's the one that hit me up on MySpace. She's like, hey, let's go out.

[Drunk Hoss]

I'm like, all right, great.

[Hoss]

That's. That's good. Let's do it.

[Bert]

So I run this story. I run the story by Stacy this weekend, my wife Stacy. And I'm like, you know, she's got this engagement ring. She's Like.

[Female Co-host 1]

No, no, no.

[Bert]

I understand it. Like, maybe she was engaged and it broke up. And when she's out at a bar when there's a guy that's hitting on her that she doesn't want. I could slips on the ring.

[Male Co-host 2]

Go to ring so that you can.

[Female Co-host 1]

You don't do that with a $14,000 ring. You do that with like a cubic zirconia type of deal.

[Male Co-host 2]

Or even a band. Like, even. You know, like, you don't. You getting clean, but at least you have the merit. You know, the wedding band on your.

[Hoss]

Yeah, she showed me this ring. And, like, it's one step below what Kobe's wife got.

[Bert]

Really?

[Hoss]

It's insane.

[Female Co-host 2]

Are you sure it's not from Claire's Boutique?

[Hoss]

You know what? I have no idea.

[Bert]

What's Claire's.

[Female Co-host 1]

What does that mean?

[Female Co-host 2]

That's the mall. The little mall. Teeny bopper jewelry store.

[Hoss]

Okay.

[Bert]

You know, right next to the wet seal.

[Female Co-host 2]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

[Bert]

All right. So not only does she have this big old ring, she's telling you she's going out of the country with her fiance. Her fiance. So, I mean, if she's engaged. So you see her Thursday night and you don't see her again, you're just on the phone with her all weekend or what?

[Hoss]

No, we. We went out Friday night and we went out Saturday night as well.

[Female Co-host 2]

And she is not afraid about you talking about her on the radio?

[Hoss]

Apparently not.

[Bert]

Well, we haven't said her name or any distinguishing.

[Female Co-host 2]

I thought her name was Amber.

[Hoss]

Didn't you say that's what we're. That's what we're saying.

[Female Co-host 2]

But that's not her real name?

[Female Co-host 1]

No.

[Knox]

No.

[Bert]

You know what threw her? We didn't put her through the name. Describe it.

[Male Co-host 2]

It may not be Amber.

[Female Co-host 1]

Her real name is Mrs. Carlson. That's her real name. We could call her that if that's easier.

[Hoss]

That's fine.

[Female Co-host 1]

The missus. Why don't we just call her the missus?

[Female Co-host 2]

The blushing bride.

[Female Co-host 1]

Right.

[Bert]

Did she say where she's going?

[Hoss]

She just said she was going to a foreign country.

[Bert]

Foreign country?

[Female Co-host 1]

I think a lot of people. A lot of people honeymoon in Paris.

[Hoss]

She probably is going there, but it.

[Bert]

Didn'T stop her from hanging out with you all days and nights. So this guy is out of town?

[Hoss]

I would assume so, yeah. You know, I never thought if he was in town or not. I thought he asked.

[Female Co-host 1]

Never even thought he was in town.

[Hoss]

Why do I have to?

[Bert]

Exactly. Why would he ask? Absolutely.

[Female Co-host 1]

I'm gonna try that. Let's go out this weekend, Bert, try to pick up chicks. We'll take our wedding bands off and put them in our pocket and. And then as the pickup line will explain, yeah, our hearts were broken. We just carry our wedding band around. Please try to ignore the fact that the skin underneath my wedding band hasn't seen the light of day in five years. If you could avoid that, it would be cool.

[Bert]

So where did you go this weekend? You're starting to see a little bit more of Atlanta. Finally out of the apartment.

[Hoss]

Friday night, me and quote unquote, Amber. We went to go see a movie, went see Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And then we went to this place called Devil's Turnaround.

[Bert]

I don't even know this.

[Female Co-host 1]

I thought that was a move. I didn't think that was it.

[Hoss]

End up being. No, no, we went, we went this place called Devil's Turnaround. It's supposed to be like a. Like a haunted war cemetery. So we went out there and it was about a 30 minute drive. We stayed.

[Bert]

Have y' all ever heard of that place? She's just making stuff up now.

[Hoss]

No, I went and googled it because I was like, oh God, what is she doing? But no, I went and googled it. It's a real site or whatever. But we stayed five minutes and she got freaked out, so we had to come back home.

[Female Co-host 1]

I know somebody who tried the Devil's Turnaround and it ended up so embarrassing that they. They didn't have sex for like two years.

[Bert]

I think we heard the urban legend right before.

[Female Co-host 1]

That's actually what it's called. The Devil's Turnaround.

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Female Co-host 1]

I thought I wanted to have sex with you, but you've turned me around.

[Bert]

So you go out with her one night. Very romantic. Night at a cemetery.

[Hoss]

Exactly.

[Male Co-host 2]

Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Devil's Turnaround.

[Verizon Advertiser]

Ah, romantic.

[Hoss]

She's the one that wanted to do something on a Friday the 13th. Like watch some scary movies and then go out to this place. Thought it was gonna be an awesome night.

[Female Co-host 2]

As an excuse to jump in your arms.

[Bert]

Huh.

[Female Co-host 2]

It's protective.

[Hoss]

Exactly. I'm scared.

[Bert]

Be the big man and take care of me.

[Female Co-host 1]

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I cut you with my engagement ring? Sorry about that.

[Male Co-host 2]

No wonder she wanted to go 30 minutes out of town because her fiance was in Atlanta, Right?

[Hoss]

Probably so.

[Bert]

So that's Friday night. How about night?

[Hoss]

Saturday night we went and had dinner and where?

[Female Co-host 1]

Satan's Lounge.

[Hoss]

We went back to Fado's, had dinner and Just because that's your place. Exactly, exactly. It's the only place I know you.

[Bert]

Oh, it's our 48 hour anniversary.

[Hoss]

Remember that song that was.

[Bert]

Let's go back to the first place where I lied to you.

[Female Co-host 1]

Hey, you sure you don't want to go across the street to Cheesecake Factory now? My fiance's a bartender. I mean, what. What's that? I mean, my. He used to be my fiance.

[Knox]

Right?

[Male Co-host 2]

I've been previously engaged, like before.

[Female Co-host 1]

Before I met you earlier today.

[Bert]

I see you're in.

[Hoss]

We went to Fado's and then we went out to a frat party. Fraternity party. Fraternity party.

[Bert]

What school?

[Hoss]

Either Georgia Tech or Georgia State. I'm not really sure.

[Bert]

Okay. How'd that go?

[Hoss]

We're good. We're good. I had some. Had some good times. Watched a couple people getting in some fights.

[Female Co-host 2]

Did they try to brand you? Huh? Did they try to brand you?

[Hoss]

No, they didn't.

[Female Co-host 2]

Hot iron.

[Bert]

Yeah.

[Female Co-host 1]

Did they know Burt?

[Bert]

I was there.

[Hoss]

Ringleader is what they call him.

[Bert]

Do you know that dude in the corner? For three years we've been trying to get rid of him. He won't come.

[Hoss]

But, yeah, it was a pretty good night.

[Female Co-host 1]

Haas looks up, and it's Burt pumping the cake.

[Bert]

Hoss, what are you doing here? Dude so good. When he eats your lips. Cast him.

[Female Co-host 1]

And he's pumping the Hagen. He doesn't even. He's got. He doesn't have the red plastic cup, but he's got the tumbler from the formal with the girls from Delta Delta Delta two years ago.

[Bert]

Let's go streaking through the quad. All right, so now we sent you out with an email to do some inebriated advice. So was this at the fraternity party you did this, or would you go back in a bucket?

[Hoss]

This was it. This was at the fraternity party that we did this.

[Bert]

All right, so what we have decided to do now with the emails on relationship advice that you guys send us, we can't possibly get to them all on the air and get you some advice. So rather than just throw them out, what we're doing now is we give him the hoss and he goes to a fraternity party or he goes to Buckhead or whatever. And at 2 and 3 in the morning when everybody's nice and drunk, he gets you advice. Because drunk people know everything.

[Female Co-host 2]

Of course, the experts, any subject matter, they will know exactly which way you should take what course your life should take.

[Bert]

Yeah, you got it down. So what email did you use on Saturday night?

[Hoss]

One where a girl. I think I set it up in the clip, but one where a girl had gone To a family reunion and met up with her cousin who she thought was hot. He thought she was hot. But she didn't know where to go from there. She didn't know if they should hook up. So.

[Bert]

Okay, and this is a fraternity party at either Georgia Tech or Georgia State.

[Hoss]

Exactly.

[Bert]

And you don't know the name of the which fraternity?

[Hoss]

No.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Drunk Hoss]

I went to my family reunion a few weeks ago, and I think my cousin is hot.

[Bert]

Hold on a sec.

[Hoss]

What?

[Bert]

Before we. How much have you been drinking?

[Hoss]

Oh, yeah, I am. I am probably the worst one out of all this group.

[Bert]

So you're hammered.

[Hoss]

Okay, I'm hammered. Talking to other hammered people.

[Bert]

Could you guys pick up on that a little bit?

[Female Co-host 1]

It sounds like Bill Clinton, right?

[Drunk Hoss]

I went to my family reunion a few weeks ago, and I think my cousin is hot.

[Bert]

Say, reunion.

[Hoss]

Reunion.

[Female Co-host 1]

All right.

[Drunk Hoss]

I went to my family reunion a few weeks ago, and I know he thinks I'm hot, too, but he's like a second cousin now. Is it okay that I go for it?

[Bert]

I have a hot cousin, too, and I have never put any moves on her whatsoever. Only Alabamian people. They're the ones who. Their cousins. There's a saying in Spanish that says that the closer the cousins you are, the closer you can get.

[Drunk Hoss]

How you say it in Spanish?

[Bert]

Entreprimo e primo mas me.

[Hoss]

My God, that is so hot. You're saying that if your cousin was.

[Drunk Hoss]

Hot that you would actually hook up with him.

[Bert]

Hey, if he's hot, why not?

[Drunk Hoss]

No way. You don't go with, like, family.

[Female Co-host 1]

That's like, borderline redneck stuff, like, you know, incest and stuff.

[Drunk Hoss]

No worries. Where are you from?

[Knox]

South Africa?

[Drunk Hoss]

South Africans don't get down like that. No, no, it doesn't work like that there.

[Bert]

So.

[Drunk Hoss]

I'm not gonna lie to you, man. People here in North America, we do get down like that. I'm from North Carolina, man. I actually dated my cousin before we kind of hooked up.

[Hoss]

See, that strong.

[Bert]

You just gotta do what you gotta do. If it's a second cousin, that's far away from the bloodline, you know? I mean, that's like twice removed, something.

[Drunk Hoss]

So say right now, me and you were second cousins. Would you do me?

[Bert]

Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

[Female Co-host 2]

Honestly, like, I think my cousin's hot.

[Drunk Hoss]

As both my cousins.

[Female Co-host 2]

They're so hot. Anyway, that's nasty. Like, we're not back in the Bible era anymore. You don't need to your own cousin to have kids.

[Drunk Hoss]

If I pop was your cousin, would we be hooking up right this Second.

[Female Co-host 2]

No, that's nasty. That's Alabama. No, we're Georgia. No.

[Drunk Hoss]

Why is it not okay?

[Female Co-host 2]

Incest.

[Hers Medication Advertiser]

Ew.

[Female Co-host 2]

No. Oh, hi.

[Drunk Hoss]

So you're telling me if you had a hot cousin that you wouldn't hook up with him?

[Female Co-host 2]

I have a hot cousin.

[Female Co-host 1]

Then no.

[Drunk Hoss]

You're such a liar.

[Bert]

I'm not a liar. How hot is just getting closer and closer to the mic, the drunker he.

[Knox]

Gets.

[Female Co-host 1]

And then it all becomes one word. So you're telling me if you had a hot cousin.

[Bert]

No, no, no, no.

[Female Co-host 1]

So you're telling me if you had a hawk cousin that you wouldn't have.

[Drunk Hoss]

Go with this if you had a hawk cousin.

[Female Co-host 1]

Okay, let me ask you.

[Hoss]

Okay, okay.

[Bert]

Let me ask it.

[Female Co-host 2]

And every.

[Bert]

Listen, let me ask you this. Yeah. Okay, hold on.

[Female Co-host 1]

Okay.

[Male Co-host 2]

Then he passes out.

[Female Co-host 1]

You're the family reunion.

[Hoss]

Reunion.

[Female Co-host 1]

You're family barbecue.

[Male Co-host 2]

And everybody from Alabama right now is just mud.

[Female Co-host 2]

At least they didn't throw Tennessee under the bus.

[Female Co-host 1]

Are you referring to the Alabama oni. Ins?

[Knox]

Yes.

[Bert]

That's Alabama. This is Georgia. I was like, what? There's a world. All right, what's the second cut of this? That says hoss drunk.

[Hoss]

The second cut.

[Female Co-host 1]

I think you got those confused.

[Female Co-host 2]

That's the first.

[Hoss]

The second cut was even. Even. I was even more drunk than I was in that first cut. And this was at probably about 5:30 or 6 in the morning. And Amber decided to. To ask me this question that had been asking all night.

[Drunk Hoss]

Yeah, it's Hoss. Yeah, I totally think you should go for it, dude. Like, I know you're like second cousins and all, but still, like, man, you're not like, first cousins, you know? And, you know, like, even if you're cousins, man, you're not like brother and sister, dude. I mean. I mean, y' all can still hook up and stuff. Like, man, like, to be honest with you, man, I'm not gonna lie to you, man. The first girl I ever dated ended up being my third cousin. I'm not gonna lie to you.

[Hoss]

I swear to God.

[Drunk Hoss]

Her name was Heather Ross. I didn't know she was my third cousin until, like, two weeks after we started dating. And then I found out she was my third cousin. And when we still dated, we never did anything, man. It was kind of like it was in eighth grade, but it was still kind of freaky and kind of weird. But, dude, that was like my third cousin, man. First cousin, man. Don't worry about it, dude. If she's hot, man, I'd say go for it, man. I don't I don't know, dude.

[Female Co-host 2]

Where are you?

[Hoss]

No idea.

[Drunk Hoss]

Like I said, man, I dated my third cousin, man. I mean, I kind of got, like. Kind of like West Virginia and freakish, man. But don't worry about it, dude. Man, I'd say go for it, man. Go for it. Hook up with her, man. If you can hook up with her, do it, dude.

[Bert]

How pathetic a sight is that? What are you, like, in the. Like, the main living area and there's nobody left, but the music is still cranked out. You got all these beer cups all around you, and you're just talking by yourself into a mic?

[Male Co-host 2]

And he's all sweaty, and he's. His face is all flushed, you know, eyes a little swollen.

[Female Co-host 2]

You're red right now.

[Bert]

You're.

[Hoss]

I am 24 years old. I am two years out of college, and I was the last one at the prep.

[Bert]

Is that a true story about your cousin?

[Hoss]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Atta boy.

[Hoss]

I never did anything with her, man.

[Drunk Hoss]

I was eighth grade.

[Hoss]

I had to do a class project. I found out she was my cousin. We ended it right there.

[Bert]

We're gonna have fun with this, dude.

[Female Co-host 1]

You had to do a class project. So you're doing your. You're doing your family tree, and you're like, okay.

[Male Co-host 2]

Oh.

[Hoss]

Oh. Exact.

[Female Co-host 1]

Yeah, look at that branch is crossing that branch. That is not good, Linda.

[Bert]

Hey, you're on Q100. Hi, y'.

[Hoss]

All.

[Female Co-host 2]

I'm over here crying at work.

[Drunk Hoss]

This guy is crazy.

[Bert]

This is the world of Hoss. Welcome to it.

[Female Co-host 1]

I think he's taught us something about broadcasting. Cause I never really paid attention to how good it sounds when you breathe. Like, what a way. Cause people sometimes think, oh, do you guys do the show live? Are you on tape? What a way to let people know that it's authentic radio rather than just every now and again. So all of his human hunters.

[Drunk Hoss]

Ah, yeah, I totally think you should go for it, dude. Like, I know you are, like, second cousins and all, but still. Like, man, y' all, like, first cousins, you know? And you're like, even if you're cousins, man, you're not like brother and sister, dude. I mean. I mean, y' all can still hook up and stuff. Like, man, like, to be honest with you, man, I'm not gonna lie to you, man. The first girl I ever dated ended up being my third cousin.

[Bert]

Listen, it's the Birch Show.

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[Knox]

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