The Bert Show (Vault: Hoss's Inebriated Advice)

Host: Bert, with Hoss and the Bert Show cast
Date: November 20, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode dives into Hoss's chaotic early days with The Bert Show, blending personal misadventures, relationship drama, and humor. The central focus is Hoss's "inebriated advice" segment, in which he solicits drunken relationship wisdom from strangers at a fraternity party. The gang also unpacks Hoss's rapid social climb in Atlanta and a particularly complicated new romantic interest.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hoss’s Arrival and Immediate Social Success

[01:33 – 02:41]

• Hoss, new to Atlanta, swiftly amasses 500-600 MySpace friends in one day (to the irritation of colleagues).
  • Bert: “He knew nobody in town at all… by the end of the first day you had how many friends?”
  • Hoss: “About five or six hundred.”
• Contrasts with predecessor Phil’s struggles in meeting people and connecting romantically.

2. Wild Romantic Escapades: "Amber" and the Engagement Ring

[02:41 – 06:30]

• Hoss recounts hooking up with a woman (“Amber”) his first Thursday in Atlanta, who keeps a $14,000 engagement ring in her purse.
  • Hoss finds out she’s allegedly still engaged and planning an international trip with her fiancé.
  • Female Co-host 2: “She carries it with her just to remind herself not to get that emotionally involved anymore.”
  • Female Co-host 1: “You don’t do that with a $14,000 ring. You do that with like a cubic zirconia type of deal.” [05:00]

3. Dates and Urban Legends: Friday the 13th in Atlanta

[07:01 – 09:15]

• Hoss and “Amber” go on spooky dates—including the “Devil’s Turnaround” haunted cemetery—on Friday the 13th.
• Anecdotes about romantic misadventures at haunted places abound, with jokes on the oddity of Hoss’s courtship style.

4. Frat Parties, Observations, and Atlanta’s Nightlife

[09:15 – 10:20]

• Saturday involves dinner at Fado’s and a fraternity party (“either Georgia State or Georgia Tech”); Hoss observes fights and the classic party scene.
• The team riffs on the college party atmosphere and Hoss’s ability to blend in.

5. Hoss’s Drunken Advice Segment: The Cousin Conundrum

[10:20 – 17:44]

• Hoss, somewhat inebriated, solicits and gives relationship advice at a fraternity party, focusing on a listener email:

  • The writer is attracted to a second cousin and is uncertain about acting on it.
  • Multiple partygoers and cast members debate the acceptability of cousin hookups, with regional jokes abounding.
  • Bert: “Only Alabamian people… There’s a saying in Spanish that says that the closer the cousins, the closer you can get.” [11:53]
  • Drunken partygoer reveals he once dated his cousin, furthering the humor and incredulity.

• Hoss, even more drunk in a later recording, reveals (sincerely) he dated his third cousin in 8th grade by accident:

  • Hoss: “The first girl I ever dated ended up being my third cousin. I didn’t know she was my third cousin until like two weeks after we started dating… we never did anything, man. It was kind of like in eighth grade, but it was still kind of freaky and kind of weird.” [15:04]

• The cast expresses a mix of disbelief, teasing, and appreciation for Hoss’s confessional style.

  • Female Co-host 1: “I think he’s taught us something about broadcasting… What a way to let people know that it’s authentic radio…” [16:51]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert, on Hoss’s MySpace popularity:

  “You’re not making a lot of friends.” [02:14]

• Female Co-host 2, about Phil’s romantic attempts:

  “You wanted Phil to be a player, and he’s just not a player. It just doesn’t pump through his veins.” [02:46]

• Hoss, summing up his night:

  “She wakes up right beside me.” [02:41]

• Hoss, on the mysterious engagement ring:

  “She says that she carries it with her just to remind herself not to get that emotionally involved anymore.” [03:46]

• Bert, on outlandish relationship advice:

  “Drunk people know everything.” [10:41]

• Drunk Hoss, giving inebriated cousin advice:

  “I totally think you should go for it, dude… you’re not like first cousins, you know? And… even if you’re cousins, man, you’re not like brother and sister, dude.” [14:35]

• Female Co-host 1, reflecting on authenticity:

  “What a way to let people know that it’s authentic radio rather than just every now and again.” [16:51]

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:33] — Bert introduces Hoss’s background and meteoric MySpace rise
• [02:41] — Hoss reveals details of his Atlanta romance and the infamous engagement ring
• [05:01] — Skepticism over “Amber’s” motives and the real ring
• [07:01] — Spooky Friday the 13th date: haunted cemetery adventures
• [10:20] — Hoss begins inebriated advice at the fraternity party
• [11:07] — The “cousin attraction” email and wild party reactions
• [14:35] — Hoss recounts his own accidental third cousin romance
• [16:51] — Cast reflects on the hilarity and raw authenticity of Hoss’s segment

Closing Thoughts

This episode is classic Bert Show: unfiltered, irreverent, and anchored in the real-life misadventures of the hosts. Hoss’s storytelling and the ensuing inebriated advice segment provide a hilarious—if questionable—take on relationship dilemmas, while the cast’s banter captures the show’s authentic, slightly chaotic tone. For newcomers and fans alike, it's a ride through Atlanta's nightlife, accidental romance, and advice best left to the very brave (or very tipsy).