Vault: How did it go at the Masters?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: How Did It Go at the Masters?
Episode Date: July 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, members of The Bert Show share their firsthand experiences attending The Masters golf tournament at Augusta National. The conversation offers vivid anecdotes about the tradition, exclusivity, and unique culture surrounding the event. Listeners get a personal take on the iconic golf course, tournament traditions, famous golfers, and the strict rules enforced at Augusta, with plenty of laughs and candid commentary from the show’s hosts and friends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Augusta Experience: Beauty, Tradition, and Family Memories

• Attending with Family: Jen recounts attending the Masters with her father, a lifelong golfer, making it a sentimental experience.
  • "To be able to experience with him, the whole thing was just incredible." – Jen (01:19)
• The Course: Augusta National is described as “the most pristine, well-manicured, beautiful, exclusive golf course in the country.” Jen noted how her dad became the “ringleader,” sharing his play-by-play memories from having played the course before.
• Knowledgeable Spectators: Jen's father’s encyclopedic knowledge of the players enhanced the experience. The focus was on all players, not just the headliners like Tiger Woods.
  • “It wasn’t about Tiger Woods for us at all... My dad knew he went to Clemson... then there was another kid...‘Well, I liked him until I found out he went to University of Florida. Now I don’t root for him anymore.’” – Jen (01:33)

Unique Masters Traditions: Food, Pricing, and Etiquette

• Affordable Concessions: Food and drinks at the Masters are notably inexpensive, defying expectations for a major sporting event.
  • “Every sandwich was a buck fifty. Sodas were a buck. Beers were three bucks.” – Jeff (03:36)
  • “If you got, like, the light beer, it was 2.50.” – Jen (03:43)
• Strict Rules and Etiquette:
  • No cell phones or cameras are allowed—breaking the rule could get you kicked out.
    • “We left them [cell phones] outside the gates… you don’t want to mess with the rules there.” – Jen (04:44)
  • The experience is "100% about the golfers," with fans and amenities considered an afterthought.
    • “The experience is about the golfers. Like, the golfers are considered the guests… the purpose... is to create the purest golf experience...” – Jeff (05:12)

Members and Exclusivity

• Becoming a Member: Membership at Augusta is incredibly secretive and invite-only; you cannot apply or buy your way in.
  • “You’re sent an envelope in the mail that has no return address... basically an invitation... some of the richest and most famous people in the world are not members.” – Jen (06:00)
• Member Roles During The Masters: All members work during the tournament, each with a specific job supporting the players.
  • “They work at the tournament. Every member of Augusta is working for the entire weekend… all of the members work to take care of the guests.” – Jen (06:36)
  • “We did get to meet and hang out with one of the members... exactly as you expect a member to be. So gracious and kind and wonderful.” – Jeff & Jen (07:16)

Golf Legends and Close Encounters

• Seeing Icons Up Close: Jen and Jeff recall seeing and following players like Phil Mickelson, Fred Couples, Tiger Woods, and Tom Watson—sometimes just feet away.
  • “We watched Tiger… Jen could have stuck her hand out and touched Tiger.” – Jeff (08:27)
  • “I was like, Tiger’s next. We’re not going anywhere… Sure enough, he did. He walked right by me.” – Jen (08:33)
• Atmosphere Around Tiger Woods: The crowds were large, attentive, and supportive, but strictly controlled in their behavior to maintain decorum.
  • “Extremely supportive. And after each shot, they were calling him out by name… not overly excessive because the Masters will kick you out if you’re overly excessive for anyone.” – Jen (10:25)
  • On whether Tiger had extra security: “I didn’t see anybody… as I understand it, that was practice round, that they hired that security and the tournament wouldn’t allow it.” – Jeff (10:50)

Behind the Scenes at Augusta: Airspace, Banners, and Power Moves

• No Planes with Banners: The show shares the (now public) story of how Augusta kept planes with Tiger-targeting banners away by using FAA inspections to ground the aircraft.
  • “They landed that plane… they went over it… until they couldn’t do any more flying on that day. And then the next day…‘here’s what’s wrong with your plane’... But you know what? We’re not gonna be in on Saturday. And God, we don’t work on Sunday either.” – Jeff, Jen (11:54-12:23)
• Leaked Banner Messages: The group discusses the controversial intended banner messages.
  • “One of them was gonna say, ‘You knew, Stevie, you knew.’… And then the other one was ‘Tiger… Still on for the foursome? —Jesse James.’” – Jen (12:41)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He remembers every single shot he ever made on that course.” – Jen (01:22)
• “We walked against the crowd, which was really cool because… we were down at Amen Corner when nobody was there.” – Jeff (03:51)
• “You don’t want to mess with the etiquette there.” – Jen (04:44)
• “The experience is about the golfers… the purpose of the tournament is to create the purest golf experience as possible for the best golf players in the world.” – Jeff (05:12)
• “Every member of Augusta is working for the entire weekend… to take care of the guests.” – Jen (06:36)
• “Jen could have stuck her hand out and touched Tiger.” – Jeff (08:29)
• “He is a golf machine. He is a robot. I don’t think that he has emotion.” – Jen, theorizing about Tiger Woods (09:51)
• “We found out what the other two banners supposedly were gonna read… ‘You knew, Stevie, you knew.’ … ‘Tiger — Still on for the foursome?’” – Jen (12:41)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:10] – Jen describes attending The Masters with her father.
• [03:11] – Concession pricing and Masters food traditions.
• [04:44] – No cell phones or pictures allowed—strict etiquette explained.
• [05:12] – Tournament is all about the golfers; patrons are “afterthoughts.”
• [06:00] – Becoming a member at Augusta National.
• [07:16] – Meeting an Augusta member and witnessing player favorites.
• [08:27] – Standing just feet from Tiger Woods.
• [09:51] – Jen's “Tiger is a golf robot” theory.
• [10:50] – Security arrangements for Tiger Woods.
• [11:53] – How Augusta used FAA inspections to stop banner-flying planes.
• [12:41] – Reading the notorious, unreleased banner messages.

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Summary

This episode is a rich, behind-the-scenes storytelling session about attending The Masters, bringing to life the course’s mystique, Augusta’s quirky traditions, and a few legendary golfers in the flesh. The cast’s mixture of awe, humor, and candid takes provides both golf fans and casual listeners with a vivid, insiders’ snapshot of one of sports’ most exclusive events—all while maintaining the irreverent, relatable tone The Bert Show is known for.

Transcript

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[Jeff]

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[Announcer]

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[Host]

All right, guys, so tell us all about it. Man, I know this was an awesome week. I'm gonna go weather perfect. You got great storylines going on at the Masters also.

[Jen]

Yeah, it was, it was an incredible experience. I got to go with my dad and Jeff brought a good buddy of his. And the four of us just, we just had such a great time. It's just, it's even more beautiful than everyone describes it. I mean, Augusta national is the most pristine, most well manicured, just the most beautiful, exclusive golf course in the country. And it was really, I mean, it was amazing to go with my dad because he is a lifelong golfer, a humongous golf fan. You know, we played father daughter tournaments growing up, all that kind of stuff. So to be able to experience with him, the whole thing was just incredible. Cause I felt like at first, like I was the one who put together the plans for the weekend. So I was kind of in charge. Friday night we went out to dinner. I was kind of in charge, like getting, getting us there, all that kind of stuff. And then all of a sudden, when we walked into the gates of Augusta national, he took over. Was like, okay, I want to show you this hole. We're going to walk down number one. And he's gotten to play it one time before, you know, by the grace of God, he was able to do that. And so he remembers every single shot he ever made on that course. So it was like he was in charge and he was the ringleader. Showing me all around was like, okay, off the first tee, here's where I hit it. Then I chipped it in. Then I putt for par. Then on the second hole, I did this and so it was funny. It was like, I got to see the course where, you know, and he was getting to share his stories of the whole thing. And, you know, he's just so well educated on the bios of, like, every golfer on, you know, that was competing. So. So it wasn't about Tiger woods for us at all. I mean, it was about, like, the guy, you know, who, you know, teed off in the third set, you know, in the third group. And, you know, my dad knew he went to Clemson, and then there was, like, another kid, you know, later on, he's like, oh, yeah, Well, I liked him until I found out he went to University of Florida. Now I don't root for him anymore. You know, I mean, he just knew so much about every single golfer that was competing in the tournament. So it was just. It was amazing. You know, we had. What are we at 11 o'? Clock? Had pimento cheese sandwiches and a beer,

[Host]

which cost you all 75 cents total, right?

[Jeff]

Yeah, we got in there early. We didn't pay attention to when the pairings started. So we got there at, like, 10:30 in the morning, but nobody golfed. Nobody was teeing off until 12 or 1. So we had the beer and we had the pimento cheese sandwich, and we had, you know, the Masters branded potato chips.

[Host]

You got to remember, if you've never been there, that everything costs, like, a quarter or 50 cents. They don't need to make money down there. So everything. I think it's still the same way. Right.

[Jen]

So a dollar for pimento cheese?

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Every sandwich was a buck fifty. Sodas were a buck. Beers were three bucks.

[Host]

Stop it.

[Jeff]

Beers were chips for a buck.

[Jen]

If you got, like, the light beer, it was 250.

[Jeff]

Okay?

[Host]

I mean, it's not. It's cheaper than going to a Braves game. Yeah, they don't really need your money. They don't need.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And so we did that. And then when we got onto the golf course, Jen and her dad went one way and followed the first couple golfers teeing off so she could get the tutorial on what Eddie did on every hole. And then my buddy George and I, we walked the whole course, 18 back to 1. So we walked against the crowd, which was really cool because we were down at Amen Corner when nobody was there, you know, because they, you know, nobody had golfed through yet. And people are following the golfers. I am 90% sure that we walked past Jack Nicklaus. I have to Google him. But it was one of those things where I'm like, I think that was Jack Nicklaus and George Lokes and goes. I think it was, too. And then we passed him again. That wasn't him.

[Host]

He was by himself.

[Jeff]

No, he was with, like, four other people, and he was walking. I swear it was him.

[Jen]

Could have been.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Host]

Can't take a picture.

[Jen]

No.

[Host]

Can't break out your cell phone and take a picture. You're not allowed to.

[Jen]

I mean, they will kick you out of that place. We didn't even bring them. We left them outside the gates. Did not even. Yeah, you don't want to mess with the rules there. You don't want to mess with the etiquette there. Why don't they allow pictures?

[Jeff]

It disturbs the golfers.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Oh, really?

[Jen]

Yeah, it's a distraction. Oh, okay.

[Host]

If you ever watch a golf tournament, you'll notice on TV that you don't even hear the sounds of clicks until after the shot.

[Jen]

Wow. Yeah. I mean, it's definitely. Yeah. You don't want to mess up the rules at all. For sure.

[Jeff]

And they make it very clear in the literature that you read that the. That the Masters experience, like, the fans, are an afterthought. Everything is an afterthought. The experience is about the golfers. Like, the golfers are considered the guests, like they said, our player guests, and that's how they're referred to with all the literature. So it's 100% about the golfers who are there, and it's very pure. So there is no. Like, it's comfortable to go there as a visitor, but the purpose of the tournament is to create the purest golf experience as possible for the best golf players in the world.

[Host]

Yeah, this is not like the Masters and Augusta. They make up their own rules. This isn't a PGA event. This is the Masters. It's their own set of rules, and they don't care. They don't care, man. So everything is a little different at this tournament.

[Jen]

One thing I learned over the weekend that totally surprised me because, you know, if you become a member of Augusta national, you're only, like, tapped to be a member. You're sent an envelope in the mail that has no return address, and it just has your name and address on it, and it's basically an invitation for you to become a member, and it's very exclusive. You can't apply to do it. You can't pay to do it. I mean, some of the richest and most famous people in the world are not members. You have to be selected to become one. And all the members wear green jackets. Well, What I learned over the weekend is they work at the tournament. Every member of Augusta is working for the entire weekend. So all the members are wearing their green jackets and they're working the whole time. Each one of them has a different job, you know, in charge of the gallery or in charge of this or that or the other thing. But I was fascinated by that. I was like, that's really cool. But it goes along with what Jeff was saying, was that the golfers, the pro golfers are the guests. So all of the members work to take care of the guests, to take care of him. I just think it's so cool they're

[Jeff]

not spreading pimento cheese on bread like they're taking care of the golfers. And we did get to meet and hang out with one of the members. And it was exactly as his name was, Vera Southern, and he was from Augusta, and he was exactly as you expect a member to be.

[Jen]

So gracious and kind and wonderful.

[Jeff]

And we sat with him for a little while and that was exactly what you would expect. And then at like 2 o', clock, we reconvened after going in our separate directions and we had some lunch and then actually followed golfers. And we were. We watched Mickelson play through, we watched Fred Couples play through. We watched Tiger play through. And then we were walking back.

[Jen]

And Tom Watson's a huge fan favorite because, you know, he's 60.

[Host]

Yeah, of course.

[Jen]

Six year old golfer, but he's on this tour, so every hole he walks up to, the whole crowd goes nuts cheering for him.

[Host]

And he did really well too. Yeah.

[Jeff]

So we watched. That was all through. Amen corner. We watched all those guys play through. And then we were walking back to.

[Jen]

And I couldn't remember the numbers. Is amen corner. 10, 11, 12, 11, 12, 13. 11, 12, 13. Okay.

[Jeff]

So we were walking back toward the clubhouse and we were just gonna kind of. I think we were thinking about maybe one more beer and then leaving. And we happened upon. I think it was 15, 16. Was it 15 16?

[Jen]

Mm.

[Jeff]

It was the green of 15 and the tee box of 16 where we watched Tiger. We watched him putt in and then we watched him drive.

[Host]

Were you close? Because it looked like there were so

[Jeff]

many people four feet away from him.

[Host]

Four feet away.

[Jeff]

Jen could have stuck her hand out and touched Tiger.

[Host]

No kidding.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Host]

Wow.

[Jen]

Yeah, it was that close. And we didn't really plan on that happening. We just stumbled upon, you know, like what Jeff was saying between the putting green and the tea, between these two holes, they're really Close together. So we just happened upon this place, like underneath a tree where we could see really well. And I don't know why there weren't more people there, but we ended up in the perfect spot. And we got to watch what three sets of golfers come through. Like three sets of golfers come through. And when we were standing there watching the other ones come, I was like, tiger's next. We're not going anywhere. We're gonna stand right here. Sure enough, he did. He walked right by me and I was like staring at him. I was like, I don't get it. Just don't get it how you got all these women outside of the.

[Host]

Yeah, again, he doesn't really stand the.

[Jen]

He doesn't stand the bar test.

[Host]

Doesn't stand the bar test. If Tiger woods at all walks into a bar and he's not Tiger woods, all these women throw themselves on him. No, probably not.

[Jen]

Definitely not.

[Jeff]

I was actually hoping for him to shank it or jack up his follow through or something so I could hear. Because I've decided that I'm going to adopt the Tiger woods method of self discipline when I do something I'm not happy with. Let's say I just can't get this sentence out. In the background, you'll hear Jeff$, you suck. Because he calls himself out by name and then he comments on Jeff$. You speak for a living. Just say it.

[Jen]

My new theory on him over the weekend and after hearing him following the Masters and talking about golf and all that kind of stuff is he's just a machine. He is a golf machine. He is a robot. I don't think that he has emotion. I don't think that he's ever known emotion. I really don't think that he's capable of emotion like other human beings. I think he has been born and bred a golf machine. And I really think that that's his capacity.

[Host]

How were the crowds around him that you guys saw? Were they like, extremely supportive? Were you surprised by how loud they were?

[Jen]

Extremely supportive. And after each shot, I mean, they were calling him out by name, like Tiger, you know, people standing up when he would come to the hole.

[Jeff]

Now, I've seen him play before, but

[Jen]

not overly excessive because the Masters will kick you out if you're overly excessive for anyone.

[Host]

And he had extra security with him also?

[Jen]

No, he just walked with a candy

[Host]

on the fourth day.

[Jen]

Really?

[Host]

Wow.

[Jeff]

I didn't see anybody because on the

[Host]

very first day, they hired eight security guys to be around him as well.

[Jeff]

I didn't see Any as I understand it, that was practice round, that they hired that security and the tournament wouldn't allow it. Like you're allowed a caddy. And they gave him a local, like sheriff's dude. One thing we did find out on the way down from one of the guys who went with us that who kind of knew, because I said, hey, do you think we're gonna see some planes fly over with those banners? You know the banners, the tiger ones. And we were kind of laughing about that. And my buddy George said, that's not gonna happen. And I said, well, why not? Because, you know, the FAA can't close that airspace. And I, because I had read that you can only close the airspace if there's like the head of state. So if the president or vice president or Queen of England or somebody shows up, and I could see Augusta national calling like Joe Biden going, hey, come on down here. Because if he's on property, then they can shut the airspace. So I made that joke on the way down and George said, no, I'll tell you exactly what they did after the second flight. The FAA inspectors. Now I don't know who makes the phone call to get Federal Aviation Administration inspectors in that place, but that plane landed.

[Jen]

Billy.

[Jeff]

Billy Payne. Yeah, but they landed that plane. And they said, hey, we gotta give you a quick inspection. Pull into the hangar. And they pulled the plane in the hangar and they went over it. They spent like four hours going over it, you know, until they couldn't do any more flying on that day. And then the next day they gave him his ticket and said, here's what's wrong with your plane.

[Jen]

There's a number of mechanical issues wrong with your plane, sir.

[Host]

Okay, we'll be happy to send you

[Jen]

back up in the air if you get all of these list taken care of.

[Host]

Oh, no kidding.

[Jen]

And they go, but you know what? We're not gonna be in on Saturday. And God, we don't work on Sunday either.

[Announcer]

Really.

[Jen]

We'll see you Monday. We'll come back out first thing Monday, we'll re inspect it and then you're welcome to go back up.

[Host]

Really?

[Jeff]

Is that brilliant?

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Brilliant plan.

[Host]

Did we find out if that story was fact or not later on?

[Jen]

No, it is. It's come out in the paper tonight. It's out. The plane owner claims that the only problem they found was a worn out tag on a seat belt.

[Host]

No kidding.

[Jen]

But the plane owner. But the FAA says there was a number of mechanical issues. And we found out what the other two banners supposedly were gonna read. One of them was gonna say, you knew, Stevie, you knew. Which is a reference to Tiger's caddy, Steve Williams, who claims he had no idea the Tiger was being unfaithful. And then the other one was Tiger. Dash, dash. Still on for the foursome, question mark. And then dash, dash, Jesse James.

[Host]

Oh, damn.

[Jen]

So those were gonna be the other banners that never did get up in the air.

[Host]

I would say check out all of their pictures of Augusta up online, but there are none.

[Jen]

That's what they are.

[Jeff]

Get it?

[Host]

The Birch Show.