Vault: How Did The Bert Show Do After Giving Up Their Vices?

Summary

The Bert Show Summary

Episode: Vault: How Did The Bert Show Do After Giving Up Their Vices?
Air Date: March 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on The Bert Show team reflecting on “Vice Week,” during which each member gave up a personal vice. The segment dives deep into their physical, emotional, and psychological experiences as they attempted—and occasionally struggled—to abstain from things like diet pills, sleeping aids, cigarettes, sugar, and smartphone dependency. Each cast member candidly shares their challenges, temptations, and emotional revelations, offering a raw glimpse into dependency and self-control.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Host’s (Burt) Struggle with Sleep Medication (Lunesta)

• Initial Ease, Growing Difficulty: The host recounts starting the week with manageable sleep, but his anxiety about not using sleep medication increased as the week progressed, causing more severe insomnia.
  • “Like I was really prepared for it on Monday and I slept okay...Since I haven't been taking those Lunesta pills, it has been worse and worse the rest of the week.” (01:01)
• Psychological Challenge: He highlights the mental component of sleep issues—fear and anxiety about not sleeping become self-fulfilling.
  • “A lot of it is just in your head. It's the fear that you have that you're not gonna sleep that is actually keeping you up.” (01:36)
• Commitment to Quit: Despite the difficulties, he resolves not to return to using Lunesta, even asking Melissa to hold onto his prescription to remove temptation.
  • “I'm not planning on going back...I'm going to ask you to keep the Lunesta through the weekend.” (02:14)

2. Wendy’s Struggle with Diet Pills and Underlying Depression

• Physical and Emotional Withdrawal: Wendy describes experiencing illness, night sweats, and a pronounced emotional crash without her diet pills.
  • “I haven't been sick for two and a half years since I've been on diet pills...I woke up burning up and sweating. I've had that this week.” (02:58)
• Pills as Emotional Crutch: She openly acknowledges that the pills serve as an antidepressant for her.
  • “They give you that feeling of...happiness, you know what I mean?” (04:51)
• Self-Awareness and Resistance: Wendy is torn between understanding her dependency and the powerful comfort the pills provide.
  • Host: “So you're almost using this pill like an antidepressant, almost.”
  • Wendy: “Yeah...it makes me feel better.” (04:00)
• Comparison to Listener Stories: She mentions being impacted by another segment about painkiller dependency, drawing parallels to her own situation.
  • “I'm like these pills are doing the exact same thing for me that those pain pills did for Stacy.” (07:05)
• Trust and Therapy Issues: Wendy shares her distrust of therapists, citing past betrayals and difficulty opening up, which deepens her struggles.
  • “I don't even trust a therapist at this point...I don't trust people with certain information.” (08:54)
• Notable Emotional Moment: Wendy gets tearful, describing the loneliness and the effort to keep up a positive front.
  • “It's hard to admit as a person because I'm always trying to be a good person, be happy...But there's a period when you go home and you're just not happy. It's tough to deal with.” (08:22)

3. Melissa’s Battle with Sugar

• Temptation Everywhere: Melissa deals with constant exposure to sugar at work and praises her own self-discipline for resisting temptation.
  • “I have not had a breakdown...watching everybody eat pastries this morning in front of me, did not break down and have one, even though I'm starving.” (10:28)
• Personal Responsibility: She emphasizes that fighting a vice depends on self-control, not expecting others to accommodate you.
  • “A lot of times with some of these vices, you have to...have incredible self discipline...it's up to you.” (11:13)

4. Jen’s Attempt to Quit Smoking

• Admitting Defeat: Jen candidly shares she only managed to abstain from smoking for one day, and acknowledges lacking the willpower to quit in this context.
  • “I don't have the self discipline that Melissa does...I've still been smoking.” (11:54)
• Not Ready to Quit: She admits she wasn’t mentally prepared for the challenge and participated more out of group momentum than personal readiness.
  • “I wasn't really ready in my head...it wasn't really my decision.” (12:43)

5. Jeff’s BlackBerry Dependency

• Giving In: Jeff confesses that his attempt to forgo his BlackBerry, used for business and organization, was unsustainable.
  • “I've got too much going on to not have it.” (13:16)
• Not a True Vice?: The cast debates whether this constitutes a real “vice” or just a modern necessity.
  • “I think yours isn't really a vice.” (13:10)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host: “It's the fear that you have that you're not gonna sleep that is actually keeping you up.” (01:36)
• Wendy: “I need this pill to make me feel better. I was begging my friend to find me one because I don't have them in my house.” (03:51)
• Wendy: “I just sat here and listened to Stacy all day yesterday, and it really hit home. I'm like these pills are doing the exact same thing for me that those pain pills did for Stacy.” (07:05)
• Wendy: “It's tough to deal with, and nobody will get it. No one understands the feeling. So it's really hard to explain, and it's hard to admit.” (08:22)
• Host: “Something about this may be part of your depression right here is that you...don't have the ability to trust anybody.” (09:23)
• Melissa: “You have to have incredible self discipline because you see people around you doing it...it's up to you.” (11:13)
• Jen: “I don't have the self discipline that Melissa does and I just don't.” (11:54)
• Jeff: “I've got too much going on to not have [the BlackBerry].” (13:16)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:45–02:18: Host discusses sleep medication withdrawal, anxiety, and commitment to stay off Lunesta
• 02:39–07:24: Wendy’s account of life without diet pills, emotional impact, and parallels to addiction stories
• 07:27–08:39: Listener Brandy’s similar struggles with energy pills and discussion of emotional dependency
• 08:52–09:53: Wendy’s issues with trust and therapy; raw emotional admission
• 10:28–11:23: Melissa’s sugar withdrawal journey and the challenge of resisting temptation
• 11:45–12:43: Jen openly discusses her failed attempt to quit smoking and readiness to change
• 13:01–13:53: Jeff’s failure to stay off his smartphone and discussion about whether it’s truly a vice

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Overall Tone and Takeaways

The episode is strikingly open and honest, with cast members—especially Wendy and the Host—laying bare emotional vulnerabilities and ongoing struggles. The tone is supportive, sometimes humorous, but not shying away from the darker aspects of dependency and self-medication. Listeners get a real sense of the personal stakes involved in giving up vices, from the physical withdrawal to the deeper psychological roots of these habits.

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In Summary

This “Vault” episode offers an intimate, sometimes raw look at the process of giving up personal vices. Each cast member approaches the challenge with varying degrees of success, honesty, and introspection. Listeners are left with the takeaway that addressing a vice requires more than just willpower; it involves understanding the deeper needs these behaviors serve—and facing those truths, sometimes in the company of friends, sometimes with the help of professionals.

Transcript

[Wendy]

Are you really buying a car online on autotrader right now?

[Melissa]

Really?

[Wendy]

At a playground? Yeah. Really? Look at these listings from dealers. Wow, your search can really get that specific. Really? And you just put in your info and boom, car's in your budget. Mom needs a second. Honey, you can really have it delivered. Really? Or I can pick it up at the dealership. One sec, sweetie. Mommy's buying a car.

[Jen]

Mommy, look.

[Wendy]

I think kid is walking up the slide again.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Wendy]

Auto trader. Buy your car online really early. Birds always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

The Birch Show I gotta tell you, in one way, I'm glad that our vice week is over. Giving up our vices for the week is over. And in another way, it just doesn't matter because I'm not planning on going back on this Lunesta man. But I can also tell you it's got progressively worse during the week, which is weird.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Yeah. And I think it's my anxiety level. Like, I was really prepared for it on Monday and I slept okay. I got five, six hours of sleep. Same on Tuesday. And since I haven't been taking those Lunesta pills, it has been worse and worse the rest of the week. Like, I hardly slept at all last night. Got to bed, I guess about 10:30 was a real light sleep. And right now it's a. It's sort of a game of psychology for me. I got a couple of emails about this and if you're. If you're not sleeping well, rather than me read the email because it'll be too long. I put the email from this Burch show listener up on my blog that sort of spoke to me the last couple of days. When you have these sleep disorder, a lot of it is just in your head. It's the fear that you have that you're not gonna sleep that is actually keeping you up.

[Melissa]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

It's almost like a mini panic attack almost. And you have to sort of start calming yourself down. Like it's okay not to get seven hours of sleep. It's okay if you get six hours of sleep and you're going to be fine if you just get five hours of sleep tonight. And I feel myself fighting that anxiety. I didn't in the beginning of the week, but towards the end of the week, I have. And I haven't been fighting it as well. So the last couple of days have been really tough for me, but I'm not planning on going back. In fact, Melissa, I'm going to ask you to keep the Lunestra through the weekend, okay? Because, Melissa, and are you sure you're

[Jeff]

going to the cat show and you want to be really rested for the cat show?

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Well, I'll sleep right through that. If anything can give me sleep, it would be going to a cat show, international cat show. So I'm going to ask you to hold on to those prescriptions. And if I, like, start to get sick, maybe at the end of next week, because I'm not getting enough sleep, maybe I'll figure out something else. But I don't want them this weekend because if they're in my house, I know I'll take them.

[Jen]

I'm like the resident pharmacist right now because I've got Burt's pills in my filing cabinet, and I've also got Wendy's diet pills in my filing cabinet. So, yeah, I can make a little money going on on the side here.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Wendy gave up her diet pills for her vice week. It's not been going so great.

[Wendy]

It's been kind of a rough week. I don't know if it's coming off the diet. I'm sure that's what it is. But I haven't been sick for two and a half years since I've been on diet pills. And it hasn't been like I've taken diet pills starting two and a half years ago, but I've like every. Like I'll get off of them for two and a half weeks and go to a different diet pill. So there's been some times where I'm not on it, but pretty consistently I've been taking diet pills pretty much every day. So this week I've been battled being sick. Like, I haven't been sick in forever. My glands have been swollen. I've night sweated. Like, you know when you get those night sweats and you're asleep and you wake up, you're burning up and you're sweating? I've had that this week. And last night I just had a breakdown. I'm like, I'm like, looking for my pills. Like, I need to have a pillow because I'm. I'm like, in need of them because it gives me so much energy. It just makes me feel a whole lot better about myself. I don't know what it is, but it makes me feel a whole lot better about myself. And. And I guess I get down on myself like hard, hardcore sometimes and I'm like, I need this pill to make me feel better. I was begging my friend to find me one because I don't have him in my house.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

So you're almost using this pill like an antidepressant Almost.

[Wendy]

Yeah. Well, to me, like it makes me feel better because, I mean, I think it makes me. It'll make me thinner and increases my energy level, which always puts you in a positive mood. And I'm pretty positive person. Like I come across positive but like when I'm alone or I'm with like my closest friends or my mom, I'm in a really down mood. So these pills like kind of make me in a better mood. So, yeah, sort of. They're my antidepressants. So I was looking from all night last night. I'm so glad my friend was there because, I mean, obviously I don't have them, but I needed one last night.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Like, you hear the problem here, like, right, like.

[Wendy]

Oh, absolutely. I know, I know the problem.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

So after this week, when you know the bit, the segment is done, are you planning on going back on them? Are you going to.

[Wendy]

I haven't decided. Like I'm going to let Melissa hang on to them for right now because I haven't decided.

[Jen]

I'm making a little money, I'm telling you. Start counting pills. If I need some, come to my desk.

[Wendy]

I haven't decided yet. Like, I know I should but like they give you that, they give you that feeling of like, I don't know, like happiness, you know what I mean?

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

It's speeding everything up, sort of making me feel a little euphoric.

[Wendy]

Metabolism goes up. Yeah, your energy levels up, you feel great all the time.

[Jen]

There was a listener we had on yesterday that you had a reaction to that said, what was it? Her, her friend had had some digestive issues after the fact or whatever and it made you think, well, you know what, I should be off of this. What happened between the physical side effects that could come from this and then last night?

[Wendy]

Well, I'm already seeing the physical side just because I don't feel very well. But I don't know, I think I get so down on myself sometimes, especially when I'm alone, I get so down and these pills are kind of like a pick me up. And I think that that's what these pills do. And obviously I'm seeing the problem, but I don't know, I just think that pick me up sometimes and I don't know, I think even when I Drink, though, it gets a little worse, because then I'm even harder on myself, so I probably need to cut out both.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

I mean, doesn't this sound like. I mean, I'm not a doctor or psychologist, but it sounds like you're a depressed person and taking the pills isn't gonna do anything. You gotta see somebody about that.

[Wendy]

Yeah, absolutely. I agree.

[Melissa]

And I would say compounded upon getting off the diet pills, not to minimize that, but this is a strange time of year for people. Like, it gets dark earlier, it's colder out, everybody's inside more. I have a lot of friends right now that are struggling with just kind of feeling depressed or out of it or just kind of, like, not in touch or just kind of bummed out.

[Wendy]

And I've taken more than just the diet pills. I mean, I've taken that St. John's Wort, which has been like. It's a mood lifter. I guess it's supposed to enhance your mood and make you in a good mood. I actually had to get off those pills because it was making me even more depressed. So I had to completely wipe that pill out. I threw those away a long time ago. But I think that's probably added to, like, my whole hormonal change and all that kind of stuff. So, yeah, definitely gonna see somebody about the whole hormone thing, because I think the pills have definitely had effect on that side of my body. So I don't know if it's me being a depressed person or if my hormones are making me that way or making me feel that way.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

This gets into the same conversation that we had with Stacy yesterday about how the band aid of the medication, your band aid, are the speed pills that are giving you this false feeling of feeling great, but you need to work on your head.

[Wendy]

Oh, no, absolutely. And that's why I just sat here and I listened to Stacey all day yesterday, and it really hit home. I'm like, these pills are doing the exact same thing for me that those pain pills did for Stacy. Yeah. So I listened to her all day yesterday, and I just kind of had a breakdown last night. I was like, I don't feel very good. I'm not happy. I'm sick. So. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Hey, Brandy, Go ahead. You're on the Bird show.

[Brandy]

Yeah, I just wanted to comment because I'm the same exact way. Like, I take. I have to take. It's called Super Go to Juice. It's like an energy pill at my job at qteam. And if I don't take this pill, I seriously. I'll tell my co workers it's an antidepressant for me. It totally picks me up and I'm fine. And my husband gets on me all the time because he was like, you gotta stop taking that. Cause it's like a drug. It's seriously a drug.

[Jeff]

It's not like a drug.

[Wendy]

It is a drug.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

It is a drug. Right? You're obviously struggling with it. I mean, is it the struggle of, like, you're dependent on this or is it the struggle of admitting that you might be a depressed person, you might have to get some help for that.

[Wendy]

The struggle of admitting you're a depressed person. Because I can put on a great front, like nobody has any idea, like, how I feel when I get home.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

You've told us before you feel really, really lonely.

[Wendy]

I mean, it's hard to admit. I don't want to cry because when he's crying again on the radio. Here she goes.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

I had a lot of tears yesterday too. We tried to match you yesterday.

[Wendy]

Yeah, no, I mean, that's hard to admit as a person because I'm always trying to be a good person, be happy all the time. But there's a period when you go home and you're just not happy. It's tough to deal with and nobody will get it. No one understands the feeling. No one understands where it's coming from. So it's really hard to explain and it's hard to admit.

[Jen]

But sometimes I think you may not know where it comes from either.

[Wendy]

I don't. My friend last night asked me. She's like, why do you feel this way? Where is it coming from? I'm like, you know what? Honestly, I can't give you an answer because I have no idea. So I just went to bed for a while there.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

You were seeing a therapist. What happened to that?

[Wendy]

It's the whole fact that I don't trust a lot of people. I don't even trust a therapist at this point. To do what? To even talk to you. To not leak certain kind of information. And yeah, I'm putting myself out there now. I mean, everybody knows now. But no, I don't trust people with certain, like, information that they're not going to go and tell somebody else. You know what I mean?

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

You know, legally they can't do that.

[Wendy]

Right? But I mean, how do you know they're not secretly telling, like their best friend? Because it's hard to keep secrets for most people. It's hard to keep that one secret. You always have your go to friend that you, you at least Spill the beans to.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Something about this may be part of your depression right here is that you have. You don't have the ability to trust anybody. So that might be one of the reasons why you have to go.

[Melissa]

Therapy is really healthy. Just to be that raw and that exposed and that, I mean, ugly. You know what I mean? You just go there and you can

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

say anything you want. Like, I feel when I go in there, I'm not being judged and this is stuff that I don't tell to anybody else. And I just emotionally throw up on my therapist and I walk out of there 80% of the time feeling much better.

[Wendy]

No, I agree. It's just the whole trust issue. Like, I still, I still don't trust a therapist either. They're not supposed to tell. I still don't trust them. I mean, I trusted them. I trusted an ex boyfriend who got me knocked up on, like, got me onto pills and told me I was fat all the time and told me I was down all the time on myself.

[Jen]

He didn't get her knocked up. He got her knocked. No, no, no, not knocked up. Let me clarify that.

[Melissa]

Sorry.

[Jen]

Somebody hung on to that choice of words.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

All right, so Wendy obviously still struggling and her struggle is going to go on next week, too.

[Melissa]

Time to emotionally throw up.

[Wendy]

Yes.

[Melissa]

Like Bertram said.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Melissa, yours has been sugar all week.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jen]

And I really do appreciate when people bring breakfast that they always bring the healthiest things. Knowing that someone is trying to fight sugar. Yeah, yeah. It's been, I mean, you know, something I need to do. It's, you know, sugar's not good for you and I eat an awful lot of it. But I have not, I have not had a breakdown. Even Katie was surprised that I had not cheated. And because, of course, I've told you about how my food infidelity, where I hide stuff from her, but she was surprised. I left my ice cream here at the station all week and, you know, watching everybody eat pastries this morning in front of me, did not break down and have one, even though I'm starving and didn't get much sleep last night, but I did not have any pastries. And then the candy and the cakes and the, you know, so it is difficult when you know it's right in front of you. So a lot of times with some of these vices, you have to. You have to have incredible self discipline because you see people around you doing it, then you've got to. It's up to you. The responsibility is yours, not everybody else's, to help you out you know what I mean?

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Who's eating the cake in front of her this morning?

[Melissa]

I have a pastry right here.

[Jen]

She's right here. Jen's right here.

[Melissa]

Doing it as we speak.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Just a big old middle finger to you, isn't it?

[Jen]

But I mean. But yeah, so it's. But yeah, so I need to not do it anymore. And I'll try to stay off sugar as long as possible.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

You should blow some smoke in her face right now.

[Jeff]

Cause you're smoking her cigarettes, taking bird sleeping pills and taking Wendy's diabetics.

[Wendy]

What are you doing?

[Jeff]

Just letting them sit there.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

No, you're not. How'd you do yesterday, Jen? With a cigarette.

[Melissa]

Not so good.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

You smoked again?

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

You've only had one day where you didn't smoke.

[Jen]

Right?

[Melissa]

Right. Yeah.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Not good.

[Melissa]

I don't have the self discipline that Melissa does and I just don't. I guess it has been good because I've cut back a lot. Like probably cut it in like three fourths, but I've still been smoking.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Do most smokers, do they wean themselves off or do they go colter?

[Melissa]

Everybody does it different ways. I mean, you can talk to 10 people who have quit successfully and there's 10 different ways that they did it.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

So you mentally not ready to do this? Nope, not. And you're not even apologetic about.

[Wendy]

No.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Not ready to do it?

[Melissa]

I'm not. I'm not. I'm sorry.

[Jeff]

Why not?

[Melissa]

I guess I should be. Not be sorry.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

Like when. When cuz you've tried quitting before and you felt mentally you were ready then. What's the difference between this time and that time?

[Melissa]

Honestly, I don't know. I don't really know.

[Jeff]

Look, why aren't you ready? Why are you almost defiant right now? Is it because it's a radio bit or.

[Melissa]

I guess I wasn't really. It wasn't. I wasn't really ready in my head or like mentally prepared for it before these five days came up and all of us just kind of jumping on the bandwagon saying like, we'll give up our vices together. I was kind of like, okay, I should do that. But in my mind it wasn't like really my decision, but.

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

And it's gotta be all right. And Jeff, you gave in yesterday also.

[Jeff]

Yeah, mine was just stupid.

[Melissa]

I agree with you. I think your isn't really a vice.

[Jeff]

No, it's just.

[Melissa]

I think it's just a necessity to function in business.

[Jeff]

It absolutely is.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And I've got too much going on

[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

to not have it I agree. I didn't like your advice either. I felt like the show was really vulnerable. If he didn't have his BlackBerry on

[Melissa]

him, I know I couldn't pick it up and BlackBerry text you.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And there's just so much wasted times. Like, I mean Wednesday was. Wednesday is what pushed me over the edge because I had to go meet with someone and he had to do a bunch of work while I just kinda waited for him. I had nothing to do. Nothing.

[Melissa]

That's annoying.

[Jeff]

Yeah. So screw it.

[Melissa]

Especially the way that we use our BlackBerry as our to do list. I know.

[Jen]

And our calendar.

[Wendy]

Yeah. And our address book.

[Jeff]

I know.

[Melissa]

I don't know how you function.

[Jeff]

I'm well aware

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[Wendy]

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[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

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[Host (possibly Burt or the main show host)]

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