Vault: How Did Your Baby Sitter Screw Up?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: How Did Your Babysitter Screw Up?
Date: November 4, 2025
Main Cast: Bert, Chip, Angela Bass
Theme: The ongoing debate about whether teenage babysitters are a safe and responsible choice for young children, featuring real-life stories of babysitting gone wrong.

---

Overview

This episode centers on Bert’s vehement stance against hiring teenage babysitters for his young child. Driven by a heated debate with his wife (who was herself a responsible teenage babysitter), Bert crowdsources stories from listeners to compile “shock treatment” evidence for his argument: teens are simply too young and immature for the responsibility. The episode is a blend of humorous banter, personal anecdotes, and jaw-dropping listener calls, all delivered in the Bert Show’s trademark candid, irreverent style.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Parenting Debate: Teens as Babysitters

• Bert’s Position:
  • Refuses to allow a teenager to babysit his child, citing lack of maturity and preparedness.
  • “Things can go wrong so fast. A 14 or 15-year-old is not equipped to deal with that situation.” (Bert, 04:18)
• His Wife’s Position:
  • She believes teens can be capable sitters, based on her own experience.
• Bert’s Goal:
  • Admits he’s seeking only negative stories: “I am looking for shock treatment for my wife. I am closed. Closed. Closed.” (Bert, 02:30)

2. Panel Reactions and Anecdotes

• Chip’s Take:
  • Teases Bert, noting childhood crushes and recalling positive babysitter experiences:
    • “You are robbing Hayden of a crush...” (Chip, 03:03)
    • “I babysat. Nothing happened... I felt that was a badge of honor.” (Chip, 05:05)
• Angela Bass’s Commentary:
  • Provides tongue-in-cheek support for both sides, jokes about common babysitter stereotypes:
    • “Don’t be ridiculous, Owen. 2.” (Angela Bass, 07:32)
  • Asserts she wouldn’t hire a sitter who can’t drive: “My concern is I don’t want anybody who can’t drive watching my kids...” (Angela Bass, 08:36)

3. Listener Stories – “How Did Your Babysitter Screw Up?”

Each call adds fuel to either Bert’s fears or his cohosts’ skepticism.

• Pregnancy on the Job

  • Alicia: “My sister got pregnant when she was 15 while she was babysitting... The kids were there when she got pregnant.” (Caller, 06:30-06:57)
  • Panel jokes about “at least the kids survived,” despite the distraction.

• Teen Drinking on the Job

  • Jenny: Confesses to drinking from the family liquor cabinet while babysitting.
    • “Did you ever give the alcohol to the kids?” — “No, I did not go that far.” (Angela Bass and Jenny, 07:26-07:31)
  • Panel quips about multitasking and parents coming home drunker than the sitter.

• Babysitter Locked Out

  • Sonya: Babysitter locked herself outside with a two-year-old still awake inside.
    • “I came home early to find that the babysitter locked herself out of the house with my two-year-old upstairs, still awake...” (Sonya, 08:55-09:14)

• Serious Negligence: Vodka Incident

  • Jolly: Hired a highly recommended 15-year-old who brought vodka, consumed it, and gave enough to a two-year-old to require hospitalization for blood alcohol poisoning.
    • “She brings vodka to my house... gives so much to my child that my child becomes unconscious. She had to call the paramedics.” (Jolly, 10:06-10:48)
    • “She gave my — it was so much... Why would you give a 2-year-old that much?” (Jolly, 11:05-11:16)
    • “Right now I’m... still have to go to parenting classes to maintain custody... because the court found it was so absurd for me... to hire a 15 year old.” (Jolly, 11:59-12:17)
  • This story is Bert's "nuclear evidence" for his argument.

• House on Fire

  • Sarah: Brother was babysat by a 15-year-old who accidentally set the house on fire.
    • “Kids do not need to babysit...my brother was being watched by a 15-year-old girl and caught the house on fire.” (Sarah, 12:22-12:32)
    • “They're just not equipped… to put the most precious thing in your life in the hands of a teenager.” (Bert, 12:37-13:01)

4. Panel’s Reflections and Final Thoughts

• Panel keeps joking:

  • Ongoing refrain: If the kid survives, does it really count as a “screw-up”?
    • “So the line of acceptance is, if the kid lives, then...” (Bert and Chip, 09:31-09:58)

• Bert doubles down:

  • “There are very few things in my house that I won’t bend on, but this is one that I just absolutely refuse to bend on.” (Bert, 12:37-13:01)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|----------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:30 | Bert | “I am looking for shock treatment for my wife. I am closed. Closed. Closed.” | | 06:30 | Alicia (Caller)| “My sister got pregnant when she was 15 while she was babysitting...” | | 07:26 | Jenny (Caller) | “I used to go into their liquor cabinet and drink their alcohol when I was babysitting.” | | 10:06 | Jolly (Caller) | “She brings vodka, vodka to my house. And not only takes of it herself, but gives so much to my child that my child becomes unconscious.” | | 11:59 | Jolly (Caller) | “Right now I’m... still have to go to parenting classes to maintain custody... because the court found it was so absurd for me... to hire a 15 year old.”| | 12:32 | Sarah (Caller) | “My brother was being watched by a 15 year old girl and caught the house on fire.” | | 12:37 | Bert | “They're just not equipped…to put the most precious thing in your life in the hands of a teenager.”|

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:55 – Episode topic introduction: Bert’s rigid stance about teenage babysitters
• 06:30 - 07:09 – Alicia describes her sister’s pregnancy while babysitting
• 07:18 - 08:21 – Jenny confesses to underage drinking while babysitting
• 08:55 - 09:50 – Sonya recounts a babysitter locking herself out with child inside
• 10:06 - 11:44 – Jolly shares the vodka, child poisoning, and court aftermath story
• 12:22 - 13:01 – Sarah’s story of a babysitter causing a house fire
• Throughout – Panel jokes and reactions (“if the kid survives…” running gag)

---

Tone & Style

• Conversational, irreverent, playful: The hosts needle each other and the callers, often using gallows humor when recounting terrifying babysitter mishaps.
• Authentic and candid: Personal stories are shared matter-of-factly, listeners frequently join with unfiltered, sometimes shocking anecdotes.
• Intense and one-sided: Bert openly admits he’s only interested in cautionary tales, setting the tone for the episode.

---

Conclusion

This episode is a wild ride through the spectrum of babysitting horror stories, alternately hilarious and horrifying. Bert ultimately stands firm in his position: handing your child over to a teenager, no matter how responsible they may seem, isn’t worth the risk. The segment is equal parts entertainment and cautionary public service announcement for anxious parents everywhere.

---

For a full taste of the debate's energy, listen from 10:06 onward for Jolly’s harrowing account—Bert’s ultimate “I told you so” moment.

Transcript

[Adam Grant]

Hey, it's Adam Grant from Ted's podcast Work Life, and this episode is brought to you by ServiceNow AI is only as powerful as the platform it's built into. That's why it's no surprise that more than 85% of the Fortune 500 companies use the ServiceNow AI platform, while other platforms duct tape tools together. ServiceNow seamlessly unifies people, data workflows and AI connecting every corner of your business. And with AI agents working together autonomously, anyone in any department can focus on the work that matters Most. Learn how ServiceNow puts AI to work for [e-mail].

[Hers Brand Advertiser]

So the other day I was in this group chat. Of course the topic turned to weight loss medications because it kind of seems like everybody's on one. One friend is already on one, another is researching every option on TikTok and someone else was like, I don't even know where to start. It feels like everybody is talking about it right now, but nobody really knows if it's right for that's why hers can be a great option for you, because they take all the confusion out of it. You connect with a real medical provider who helps you figure out what's actually best for your body and your goals without the guesswork. If it's prescribed, you'll get medication as a part of a doctor developed weight loss program with ongoing check ins, dosage adjustments and 24. 7 online support. They've got affordable options from oral medication kits to GLP1 injectables starting at $69 a month. So if you've been trying to figure out what works for you, it might be time to check out hers. Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair, or find relief for Anx society, hers has you covered. Visit fourhers.com Bert to get a personalized, affordable plan that gets you that's F O R H E-R-S.com Bert for hers.com Bert weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded drug products are not approved or evaluated for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased.

[Adam Grant]

This is the Birch show.

[Bert]

So my wife and I have been having this debate about babysitters with our three and a half year old since he was like months old. And because my wife was a teenage babysitter back in the day, she feels like it's perfectly fine to have a teenager watch our child. And I have stood my ground on this one and I have planted in firmly on it. And I will not give.

[Chip]

Did you never babysit?

[Bert]

I did.

[Chip]

You did babysit. But you wouldn't change it.

[Bert]

Part of the reason why I'm saying that teenage babysitters aren't responsible is. Is because I was watching tv.

[Angela Bass]

Hey Chip, come over here. Have you ever seen a stone four.

[Bert]

Year old blowing smoke in the kid's face? Here is what I would like to do and I know that it's not fair. Okay. I could do this one of two ways. I could take calls on both why teenage babysitters are fine and calls on why you should stay away from them. I'm not looking for that. I am looking for shock treatment for my wife. Because I will not budge. I'm not even open to to the debate of having a teenager watch our child. I am closed. Closed. Closed.

[Chip]

You were robbing Hayden of the opportunity to have a crush on a teenage babysitter. Angela Bass.

[Bert]

He'll get that somewhere.

[Chip]

Columbia, Tennessee. My brother had the biggest crush on Angela Bass. She took good care of him.

[Angela Bass]

Dude, remember Lisa Watson? I didn't. So tired he's not even gonna remember.

[Chip]

I'm still friends with my babysitter. Of course you are.

[Bert]

It's the potential.

[Chip]

It's a Hobbyville.

[Bert]

Right? It is the potential that something can go wrong with the teenage babysitter. And the are not equipped mature wise to take care of your kid.

[Chip]

They take classes on that, dude.

[Bert]

Oh man, come on.

[Angela Bass]

Nine of the teenage babysitters room in show land.

[Chip]

No, they take classes. There's babysitter courses. I took CPR. Look, there's a babysitter's club that will.

[Bert]

Certify you 90% of the teenagers.

[Chip]

Don't say that just because I was. I was.

[Angela Bass]

Here's how babysitters happen in our neighborhood. Hey dollar. You going anywhere this afternoon? All right. Make sure Josh doesn't set himself on fire. It's not like. Can I see your CPR card?

[Bert]

There might be teenagers that are taking those classes but 90% of the teenagers that are watching your kids have not taken those classes. So what I am looking for is support in my debate with my wife. I want to hear stories.

[Chip]

It's one sided.

[Bert]

It is totally and completely one sided. All right? I am looking for stories of how your. How the teenage babysitter totally screwed up her responsibilities. Cuz things can happen too fast. Too fast. I mean with a child things can go wrong in a millisecond. And a 14 year old, I believe a 15 year old is not equipped to deal with that situation. My Wife does not believe that's the case. She was a great babysitter. She's just like Jen Hobby here.

[Angela Bass]

Well, of course she was.

[Bert]

Baby never went wrong.

[Angela Bass]

Everybody thinks she was a great, you know, like I'm sure Jen thinks she was the perfect babysitter when she had kids. But you know what? Nothing went wrong. But you don't know how you would have reacted if that kid tumbled, you know? Well, you would have had your CPR card and your emergency numbers on the laminate around your neck. But the youngest teenager.

[Chip]

Yeah, I babysat. Nothing happened. One time, I mean, two little boys and I, and they survived. The parents came home and they're still alive. And I felt that was a badge of honor for having to babysit again because my kids freaked me out.

[Bert]

Little late to be finding out then.

[Chip]

But I wasn't 14, I was more like 17.

[Bert]

So we had the girl that lives next door to us, Dana, watch Hayden a couple of different times. She's at that point, I think she was 16 or 17 years old, but her mom was literally 50ft away. And I was still not comfortable with that because even that even having the parents that close, things can go wrong so fast. So I have really kind of put my foot down. And when this issue came up on Desperate Housewives, we started the debate yet again this weekend and, and I just want stories from people that I can compile this tape and I can actually play it for my wife so it never, ever, ever comes up again because I will not allow it.

[Angela Bass]

So if you're a parent who's got a 16 year old neighbor who has watched your kid 10 times and nothing's going wrong, and she actually cleans the house while you're out and sometimes even bakes a ziti and leaves it in the oven for you. No calls. But if you had a 16 year old watch the house and. And during the course of that, they burned down the garage. The kid locked himself in the bathroom with the tub running and she accidentally gave him adult medicine instead of kid medicine.

[Bert]

That's what we're looking for. Good morning, Alicia. You're on the Burt Show. Hi.

[Caller]

Hey. My sister got pregnant when she was 15 while she was babysitting by the kid.

[Angela Bass]

She was babysitting?

[Caller]

No, that was my sister. But the kids were there when she got pregnant.

[Bert]

Well, who did she get pregnant by?

[Caller]

Well, her husband now, but he was 19 and she was 15 and she.

[Chip]

Had a boy come over while she's babysitting.

[Caller]

He had a boy come over and she. Yeah. Did the Nasty. Got pregnant.

[Bert]

Got pregnant while she was supposed to be watching the kids.

[Chip]

Now the kids are alive, right? The kids survive. Not only did they suffer any sort of long term, not only were the.

[Angela Bass]

Kids that she was watching healthy, but she brought a new life in the world.

[Chip]

What is so wrong with that?

[Angela Bass]

So far, Bert, your theory sucks.

[Chip]

Next zero to one.

[Bert]

Good morning, Jenny. You're on the Burp Show. Hi. Hello.

[Caller]

Hello.

[Bert]

Hi. You're on the Voice Disguiser. Go ahead.

[Caller]

I used to go into their liquor cabinet and drink their alcohol when I was babysitting.

[Angela Bass]

Now let me ask you a question, Jenny. Did you ever give the alcohol to the kids you were babysitting?

[Caller]

No, I did not go that far.

[Angela Bass]

Don't be ridiculous, Owen. 2.

[Chip]

Bert, were the kids still alive when the parents got home?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Bert]

All right, how many kids were you watching and how old were they?

[Caller]

It wasn't just one set of kids. I mean, like, we would babysit for the whole neighborhood.

[Angela Bass]

So how many. How many kids died under your watch?

[Caller]

No kids died under my watch.

[Chip]

All right, Anybody break anything?

[Caller]

No.

[Chip]

They were multitasking, Bert. They were having a keg party and babysitting the neighborhood kids at the same time.

[Bert]

How many kids are you talking about? You babysitting at the same time?

[Caller]

Normally it was just one family. So if they had two kids, then. Two kids. I mean, if they only had one, then. I mean, it wasn't like we had like five families.

[Chip]

Did you ever get busted for drinking their alcohol?

[Caller]

No.

[Chip]

Did the parents come home drunker than you?

[Caller]

That's happened more than once?

[Adam Grant]

Yes.

[Chip]

That was my experience was that the parents would come home wasted.

[Bert]

Well, that's the reason why you have a babysitter there. Somebody sober that can be with your kids. So while you come stumbling in, they spend the night. Things are fun.

[Angela Bass]

I was a teenage.

[Chip]

They still had to drive me home.

[Angela Bass]

Yeah, my concern is I don't want anybody who can't drive watching my kids because they're gonna have to drive if I have. Like, if I have kids and I'm going out, I'm not planning on driving anybody when I get home. So there you go. Drive yourself home. Have a nice day.

[Chip]

Get on your bike. See you later.

[Bert]

Hey, Sonya.

[Caller]

Hey. Why isn't he a good perfect reason why you should not get a teenage babysitter? All right, I got one from down the street. The mother was literally 50ft away. Fortunately, I came home early to find that the babysitter locked herself out of the house with my two year old upstairs, still awake in her bedroom.

[Angela Bass]

What was he doing?

[Caller]

I don't know. She was just out in the car.

[Angela Bass]

And what was your kid doing upstairs?

[Caller]

Oh, just up awake reading her or playing with her games and sitting up in bed.

[Chip]

Was he still alive?

[Angela Bass]

He wasn't cutting himself or anything.

[Chip]

It's a shame.

[Caller]

Unfortunately not, but you never know.

[Bert]

So the line of acceptance is, if.

[Chip]

The kid lives, then what is she doing today?

[Caller]

Well, she's in school right now.

[Chip]

Is she smart?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Chip]

Okay, did she hurt herself? Does she impale anything? Did she break anything?

[Caller]

No. I guess it was too much to ask that the babysitter stay in the house. So who knows?

[Bert]

How old was the babysitter?

[Caller]

Seventeen.

[Bert]

Seventeen. All right.

[Chip]

And Bert, to answer your question for me as a babysitter, yes, it is a very important detail that. The fact that the child is still alive when the parents.

[Bert]

No, that's the only detail for you guys. So long as the baby is still.

[Chip]

Alive, we are zero for yep.

[Bert]

Hey, jolly good morning. You're on the Bert Show.

[Caller]

I got you. I got you, Bert. Okay, you ready? Brace yourself. All right. I had a 2 year old, okay? I hired a 15 year old kid, vouched for by every person known to man, okay? Everyone was singing the little girl's praises. All right? I only had to go somewhere from 7 o' clock to 10 o'. Clock, 7 o' clock to 10 o''. Clock. This little girl, 15 years old for a 7 o' clock to 10 o' clock job. She brings vodka, vodka to my house. And not only takes of it herself, but gives so much to my child that my child becomes unconscious. She had to call the paramedics. And when I got home, I got home, I was arrested for child neglect.

[Bert]

No way. How old is your child?

[Caller]

Two. She was two at the time.

[Bert]

Oh my.

[Adam Grant]

How did she.

[Angela Bass]

Did she come through it okay?

[Chip]

Is she okay?

[Caller]

No, no. She's got blood alcohol poisoning. She still has to go to the hospital regularly.

[Chip]

Really?

[Bert]

Is that right?

[Caller]

Absolutely. She gave my. My. It was so much. It was like. It's not water. You know what I mean? You don't. You don't drink that much yourself. Why would you give a 2 year old that much?

[Bert]

And how old was a 15 year old?

[Caller]

Surely she's been drinking long enough. She brought the liquor herself. Surely she could pay attention to the amounts.

[Bert]

Unbelievable. Now, did you end up like.

[Caller]

Don't ever do. I tell everyone I know on the street. I tell everyone I know. Don't ever hire a child to watch your children. It's unfair. Because this little girl she looks at me like she's so sad. I'm so sad I did this to you. And I'm so, so bad for her because she's still a kid. Don't ever do it to them.

[Bert]

I'm wondering.

[Caller]

They have no idea what to do in case of emergency.

[Bert]

Like, legally, that wasn't even an emergency. But I mean, it turned into an emergency. But legally, like, can you even do anything about it? I mean, here you hired the person, so legally you can't even, like, sue a minor like that, right?

[Caller]

Right now I'm still trying to. I still have to go to parenting classes, you know, to maintain custody of my own child. Okay. Because the court found that it was so absurd for me as an adult to hire a 15 year old. Like, what were you thinking? Ma', am, I'll never think it again. And I encourage no one else to think it again.

[Bert]

This is the only call I have to play for. Stacy is right there. Hey, Sarah, good morning. You're on the Burt Show.

[Caller]

Hi. I was calling to let you know that kids do not need to babysit for the simple fact that my brother was being watched by a 15 year old girl and caught the house on fire.

[Adam Grant]

Oh, good God.

[Bert]

How old was the teen babysitter?

[Caller]

She was 15.

[Bert]

15 years old. They're just not equipped. I mean, they're just so young, like, to put the most precious thing in your life in the hands of a teenager. Man, I know it's been done a trillion times over the course of history, but I just can't do it. I just absolutely can't do it. And there are very few things in my house that I won't bend on, but this is one that I just absolutely refuse to bend on. That's the end of that.

[Angela Bass]

Thank you for that call.

[Adam Grant]

So there you have it.

[Caller]

You're welcome.

[Angela Bass]

House on Fire. Burt on a soapbox.

[Bert]

So there you have it.

[Adam Grant]

This is the Bert Show. Hey, it's Adam Grant from Ted's podcast Work Life, and this episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. AI is only as powerful as the platform it's built into. That's why it's no surprise that more than 85% of the Fortune 500 companies use the ServiceNow AI platform, while other platforms duct tape tools together. ServiceNow seamlessly unifies people, data workflows, and AI connecting every corner of your business. And with AI agents working together autonomously, anyone in any department can focus on the work that matters Most. Learn how ServiceNow puts AI to work for [e-mail].

[Angela Bass]

Morning, Zoe.

[Bert]

Got donuts.

[Chip]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[Angela Bass]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T Mobile commercial like you teach me. So Dana.

[Chip]

Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[Angela Bass]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[Hers Brand Advertiser]

Nice, Jeffrey.

[Angela Bass]

You heard them. T Mobile is the best place to.

[Adam Grant]

Get the new iPhone 17 Pro on.

[Bert]

Us with eligible traded in any condition.

[Angela Bass]

So what are we having for lunch?

[Chip]

Dude, my work here is done.

[Adam Grant]

The 24 month bill credits on Experience beyond for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credit send and balance due. If you pay off earlier, Cancel Finance Agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs $1099.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oaklove Speed Test Intelligence data 1H 2025 Visit t mobile.com if you're a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility and your machinery isn't working right, Grainger knows you need to understand what's wrong as soon as possible. So when a conveyor motor falters, Grainger offers diagnostic tools like calibration kits and multimeters to help you identify and fix the problem. With Grainger, you can be confident you have everything you need to keep your facility running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.