Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: How Did Your Babysitter Screw Up?
Date: November 4, 2025
Main Cast: Bert, Chip, Angela Bass
Theme: The ongoing debate about whether teenage babysitters are a safe and responsible choice for young children, featuring real-life stories of babysitting gone wrong.

Overview

This episode centers on Bert’s vehement stance against hiring teenage babysitters for his young child. Driven by a heated debate with his wife (who was herself a responsible teenage babysitter), Bert crowdsources stories from listeners to compile “shock treatment” evidence for his argument: teens are simply too young and immature for the responsibility. The episode is a blend of humorous banter, personal anecdotes, and jaw-dropping listener calls, all delivered in the Bert Show’s trademark candid, irreverent style.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Parenting Debate: Teens as Babysitters

• Bert’s Position:
  • Refuses to allow a teenager to babysit his child, citing lack of maturity and preparedness.
  • “Things can go wrong so fast. A 14 or 15-year-old is not equipped to deal with that situation.” (Bert, 04:18)
• His Wife’s Position:
  • She believes teens can be capable sitters, based on her own experience.
• Bert’s Goal:
  • Admits he’s seeking only negative stories: “I am looking for shock treatment for my wife. I am closed. Closed. Closed.” (Bert, 02:30)

2. Panel Reactions and Anecdotes

• Chip’s Take:
  • Teases Bert, noting childhood crushes and recalling positive babysitter experiences:
    • “You are robbing Hayden of a crush...” (Chip, 03:03)
    • “I babysat. Nothing happened... I felt that was a badge of honor.” (Chip, 05:05)
• Angela Bass’s Commentary:
  • Provides tongue-in-cheek support for both sides, jokes about common babysitter stereotypes:
    • “Don’t be ridiculous, Owen. 2.” (Angela Bass, 07:32)
  • Asserts she wouldn’t hire a sitter who can’t drive: “My concern is I don’t want anybody who can’t drive watching my kids...” (Angela Bass, 08:36)

3. Listener Stories – “How Did Your Babysitter Screw Up?”

Each call adds fuel to either Bert’s fears or his cohosts’ skepticism.

• Pregnancy on the Job

  • Alicia: “My sister got pregnant when she was 15 while she was babysitting... The kids were there when she got pregnant.” (Caller, 06:30-06:57)
  • Panel jokes about “at least the kids survived,” despite the distraction.

• Teen Drinking on the Job

  • Jenny: Confesses to drinking from the family liquor cabinet while babysitting.
    • “Did you ever give the alcohol to the kids?” — “No, I did not go that far.” (Angela Bass and Jenny, 07:26-07:31)
  • Panel quips about multitasking and parents coming home drunker than the sitter.

• Babysitter Locked Out

  • Sonya: Babysitter locked herself outside with a two-year-old still awake inside.
    • “I came home early to find that the babysitter locked herself out of the house with my two-year-old upstairs, still awake...” (Sonya, 08:55-09:14)

• Serious Negligence: Vodka Incident

  • Jolly: Hired a highly recommended 15-year-old who brought vodka, consumed it, and gave enough to a two-year-old to require hospitalization for blood alcohol poisoning.
    • “She brings vodka to my house... gives so much to my child that my child becomes unconscious. She had to call the paramedics.” (Jolly, 10:06-10:48)
    • “She gave my — it was so much... Why would you give a 2-year-old that much?” (Jolly, 11:05-11:16)
    • “Right now I’m... still have to go to parenting classes to maintain custody... because the court found it was so absurd for me... to hire a 15 year old.” (Jolly, 11:59-12:17)
  • This story is Bert's "nuclear evidence" for his argument.

• House on Fire

  • Sarah: Brother was babysat by a 15-year-old who accidentally set the house on fire.
    • “Kids do not need to babysit...my brother was being watched by a 15-year-old girl and caught the house on fire.” (Sarah, 12:22-12:32)
    • “They're just not equipped… to put the most precious thing in your life in the hands of a teenager.” (Bert, 12:37-13:01)

4. Panel’s Reflections and Final Thoughts

• Panel keeps joking:

  • Ongoing refrain: If the kid survives, does it really count as a “screw-up”?
    • “So the line of acceptance is, if the kid lives, then...” (Bert and Chip, 09:31-09:58)

• Bert doubles down:

  • “There are very few things in my house that I won’t bend on, but this is one that I just absolutely refuse to bend on.” (Bert, 12:37-13:01)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|----------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:30 | Bert | “I am looking for shock treatment for my wife. I am closed. Closed. Closed.” | | 06:30 | Alicia (Caller)| “My sister got pregnant when she was 15 while she was babysitting...” | | 07:26 | Jenny (Caller) | “I used to go into their liquor cabinet and drink their alcohol when I was babysitting.” | | 10:06 | Jolly (Caller) | “She brings vodka, vodka to my house. And not only takes of it herself, but gives so much to my child that my child becomes unconscious.” | | 11:59 | Jolly (Caller) | “Right now I’m... still have to go to parenting classes to maintain custody... because the court found it was so absurd for me... to hire a 15 year old.”| | 12:32 | Sarah (Caller) | “My brother was being watched by a 15 year old girl and caught the house on fire.” | | 12:37 | Bert | “They're just not equipped…to put the most precious thing in your life in the hands of a teenager.”|

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:55 – Episode topic introduction: Bert’s rigid stance about teenage babysitters
• 06:30 - 07:09 – Alicia describes her sister’s pregnancy while babysitting
• 07:18 - 08:21 – Jenny confesses to underage drinking while babysitting
• 08:55 - 09:50 – Sonya recounts a babysitter locking herself out with child inside
• 10:06 - 11:44 – Jolly shares the vodka, child poisoning, and court aftermath story
• 12:22 - 13:01 – Sarah’s story of a babysitter causing a house fire
• Throughout – Panel jokes and reactions (“if the kid survives…” running gag)

Tone & Style

• Conversational, irreverent, playful: The hosts needle each other and the callers, often using gallows humor when recounting terrifying babysitter mishaps.
• Authentic and candid: Personal stories are shared matter-of-factly, listeners frequently join with unfiltered, sometimes shocking anecdotes.
• Intense and one-sided: Bert openly admits he’s only interested in cautionary tales, setting the tone for the episode.

Conclusion

This episode is a wild ride through the spectrum of babysitting horror stories, alternately hilarious and horrifying. Bert ultimately stands firm in his position: handing your child over to a teenager, no matter how responsible they may seem, isn’t worth the risk. The segment is equal parts entertainment and cautionary public service announcement for anxious parents everywhere.

For a full taste of the debate's energy, listen from 10:06 onward for Jolly’s harrowing account—Bert’s ultimate “I told you so” moment.