The Bert Show (Vault Episode): “How Did Your Wife Almost Ruin Everything?”

Date: December 18, 2025
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting (Bert Show Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & others)

Episode Overview

In this hilarious and relatable Vault episode, The Bert Show team dives into the theme of how significant others can sometimes unintentionally (or drunkenly) wreak havoc in both personal and professional lives. Building off a high-profile news story, the crew and listeners recount jaw-dropping, cringeworthy, and outright funny situations where a partner nearly "ruined everything." The stories feature blurted secrets, wild party antics, financial fiascos, and the universal repercussions of mixing relationships with workplace boundaries—many fueled by a bit too much alcohol.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Inspiration: When Spouses Step Over the Line

• [01:03] News Kicker: The discussion opens with a real-life headline—Senator Kerry's wife telling a reporter to “shove it.”
  • Quote:
    • "You tell a reporter to shove it. That's a big deal. Who knows if it's gonna inevitably lose him the election." — Host (01:24)
• This sparks the central question: How do spouses or significant others cross boundaries in ways that can cause major consequences?

2. Listener and Crew Stories: Marital & Relationship Mayhem

A. The House Closing Catastrophe

• [01:36] A listener story about a wife accidentally revealing at a home closing that their down payment was borrowed—prompting the bank to pull the mortgage on the spot.
  • Quote:
    • “At the closing, she says to her husband, ‘It’s a good thing my parents are willing to loan us all that cash. It looks like we have the money for the down payment in the bank.’ …and they pulled the mortgage from her at the closing.” — Guest 1 (01:44)

B. Party Antics: Lady Crash’s Wild Ways

• [02:29] The “Teflon Crash” segment details wild holiday party embarrassments:
  • Flashing the GM (General Manager) at a Christmas party ([02:35]).
  • Grabbing the GM and his wife's butts on the way out of a birthday party ([02:45]).
  • Quote:
    • “She did that. She lifted up her shirt and showed the GM.” — Co-host (02:35)

C. The Job-Sabotaging Spouse (Scott’s Story)

• [03:03] Scott calls in about his ex-wife nearly ruining his career with theft and bounced checks.
  • She wrote fraudulent checks at his workplace, putting his job and reputation at risk.
  • Quote:
    • “She took a customer’s checkbook, wrote over $600 worth of checks on it…all of a sudden, complete silence. And I knew right then she did.” — Guest 3, Scott (03:21)
    • “I knew that if I stayed there, I would not be able to happen [advance].” — Guest 3, Scott (04:01)
  • Ultimately, she’s removed from the situation with support from his company.

D. Hiring a Significant Other Gone Wrong

• [04:27] Bert Show co-host (presumed Crash) shares his mistake hiring a girlfriend who soured office relationships, almost costing him his job.
  • Quote:
    • “It was a big talk around the whole stationary, like, how are we going to get rid of Crash's girlfriend without, you know, hurting Crash?” — Co-host (04:54)

E. Blurted Secrets at Work Events

• [05:03] Cheryl relates how her drunk husband “spilled the beans” at a party, outing her past with a female coworker, which led to ostracization at her church-run daycare job.
  • Quote:
    • “He decided while he was drunk to spill the beans and tell all them that I hadn't messed around with this other girl.” — Cheryl (05:03)
    • “So they went back and told the director… I was kind of the outcast at that point.” — Cheryl (06:04)

F. Truly Embarrassing Party Escapades

• [06:23] Discussion of drunken antics:
  • Woman licking an ice sculpture at a Christmas party.
  • Husband justifies this by sharing a worse story: his wife once mounted a decorative pig as a joke.
  • Quote:
    • “She was licking the ice sculpture… last year… she got up on the table and tried to mount the pig.” — Guest 1 (06:38)

G. The Professor’s Son Incident

• [07:00] Amy recalls her boyfriend, drunk at a family party, bad-mouthing their professor to the professor’s son—ruining their semester’s prospects.
  • Quote:
    • “My boyfriend walks up pretty drunk, and I go, ‘Hey, Dave, this is Dr. Paul.’ And he goes, ‘Oh, I hate Dr. Paul.’ …and didn’t quite get that this was his son.” — Amy (07:14)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "These right here are great calls and a great reason why we should go back to prohibition. Because all these have to do with alcohol, man." — Host (07:40)
• “Who knows if it’s gonna inevitably lose him the election. But Jeff had a thought after hearing that, like, there are certain situations where your significant other can step across the bounds.” — Host (01:24)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Major Theme Introduction/News Hook: [01:03–01:24]
• House Closing Story: [01:36–02:21]
• Lady Crash’s Party Stories: [02:29–02:55]
• Scott’s Work & Marriage Fiasco: [03:01–04:26]
• Hiring the Wrong Girlfriend: [04:27–04:59]
• Cheryl’s Party Confession Fallout: [05:01–06:18]
• Ice Sculpture & Pig Mounting Stories: [06:23–06:55]
• Amy’s “Dr. Paul” Story: [07:00–07:40]

Tone & Delivery

True to The Bert Show’s style, the episode balances honesty and humor, using self-deprecating banter and keeping things light even when recounting tense or embarrassing situations. Many stories are punctuated by laughter, sighs, or groans, and there’s a recurring theme of “it’s funny because it’s true… and probably happened after a few drinks.”

Summary

This episode blends personal confessions, wild listener stories, and the universal theme of spouses unintentionally pushing boundaries. The show’s relaxed, comedic style allows for vulnerability and lots of laughter about awkward situations—usually in hindsight. Whether it’s nearly losing a mortgage, an ice-sculpture incident, or a drunken confession at a work party, everyone has a story about a partner “almost ruining everything.”

For full episodes and more listener stories, tune in daily or visit The Bert Show online.