Vault: How Do You Politely Skip A Second Date?

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – How Do You Politely Skip A Second Date?

Episode Date: March 4, 2026
Main Cast: The Bert Show team (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Callers)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show explores a classic dating dilemma: what’s the best and most polite way to decline a second date? The hosts and callers debate whether it’s better to "ghost," give a direct but kind explanation, or invent a gentle excuse. The conversation is lively and full of anecdotes, practical suggestions, humor, and reveals just how challenging and awkward these moments can be.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Predicament: To Reply or Not To Reply?

• Setup: A listener named Tammy is ghosted after a first date; the guy found her "too chatty" and said she kept him out too late, so he didn’t want to see her again. He simply never contacted her afterward.
  • Host (01:01): “So what does he do? He doesn't text her back, he doesn't call her back, and it's just assumed that there's not going to be a second date... Is that the way you handle it? ... Or is there something you could say to make the other person know that, look, it's just not here—but do it politely?”

Is Honesty Just Too Awkward?

• The Panel’s Consensus: Everyone agrees it’s tough to find the right words. There’s a sense people prefer dishonesty or avoidance to uncomfortable truths but acknowledge the downsides.
  • Host (01:38): “It's just hard to say to someone... I don't know the words to use to politely decline a second date.”

Caller Opinions: Tough Love & Moving On

• Caller Tracy (02:04): Shares her dating experience in NYC, emphasizing that people should just “get the clue” if there's no reply. Too much searching for closure makes it seem desperate or "stalker-ish."

  • Notable Quote (02:18): “It's a waste of time... If he's really not that into you, there's some truth to that... Just get the clue... move on.”

• Panel Asks for ‘The Line’ (03:12): The group seeks that elusive “one line” to end things nicely.

  • Tracy: “Honestly, hey, look, I had a great time. Thanks.” (03:41)
  • Emphasis that everyone is an adult and sometimes has to just move on.

The Search for the ‘Perfect Line’

• Experimentation with Lines: The group debates if there’s any polite phrase that works universally. Most agree nothing is truly pain-free or fool-proof.
  • Host/Moderator (04:26): “I would rather not know, to be honest with you... I don't want to know what I did wrong... I'll get it within two days. If I don't get anything back in two days, it's over anyway.”

When Honesty Feels “Too Brutal”

• Humorous Take (05:56):
  • Panel jokes: “I don't think we should see each other anymore on account of you being really fat and having bad hair.” (05:56)
  • Immediately clarify they’re joking, and suggest: “I just didn't think you and I connected.” (06:02)

Real Life Example: Using the Classic “I’m Not Ready” Excuse

• Caller Amber (06:07): Shares her experience being pursued by a persistent blind date and finally letting him down gently.
  • Amber’s Line (06:38): “I just got out of a serious relationship, and I'm not looking for anything right now.”
  • She admits it's a “little stretch of the truth,” but it’s often easier for everyone.

The Issue with Honest Rejection

• Panel Insight (07:02):
  • Noted that these polite "white lies" are a common tool, especially for women.
  • Caller (07:02): “All women have lied about it. ... It will never work because nobody will take the line. Like, if you say, I just don't think it's gonna work out. 'Why?' ... It's never gonna be a clean break.”

Outlandish Alternatives (07:26-07:47)

• Comic Relief: Panel suggests joking options like using palm readings or soap opera-like walkouts to lighten the grim subject.

The John Mayer ‘Breakup’ Reference (07:47-08:33)

• Host shares John Mayer’s respectful breakup statement about Jennifer Aniston, but everyone agrees it’s too grand for a first date and sounds artificial in typical situations.

Male Caller’s Simple Friendly Approach

• Caller Mark (10:11): Suggests keeping it vague and friendly:
  • “Yeah, you know, maybe I will. Maybe we will hang out again sometime. That would be nice.” (10:13)
  • The panel acknowledges that sometimes ambiguity is better than cruelty or confrontation.

Why Is This So Complicated?

• Panel Conclusion (10:38):

  • The current dating scene—with group dates and digital communication—should make it easier to fade away.
  • Host/Moderator (10:38): “Why are we making this so complicated now? Dating now is set up to be so easy... why are we complicating things with a conversation to end it when it should just be a breastfeeding? Just don't call.”

• More Joke Solutions:

  • Suggest sending a nonsense text code never to contact again. (10:55)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “People need to get a better clue.” – Caller Tracy (03:16)
• “I had a good time, but... I just got out of a serious relationship, and I'm not looking for anything right now.” – Caller Amber (06:38)
• “No two people are ever on the same page about anything.” – Panel (07:02)
• “Sometimes there's chemistry, and sometimes—Wendy’s like, dude, we went to Starbucks.” – Panelist mocking John Mayer’s breakup language (08:16)
• “Maybe we will hang out again sometime. That would be nice.” – Caller Mark's friendly fade (10:13)

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• [01:01] – Opening of main discussion: How to politely avoid a second date
• [02:04] – Caller Tracy's perspective: move on, don’t seek closure
• [04:26] – Host prefers not to know, just stop texting/calling
• [05:56] – Panel jokes about brutally honest breakups, then softens with realistic lines
• [06:38] – Caller Amber’s example of the “I’m not ready” excuse
• [07:47] – John Mayer breakup reference and reaction
• [10:13] – Caller Mark’s “maybe we will hang out again” helper line
• [10:38] – Panel: dating now is easier, let it fade away

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Tone & Atmosphere

• Light-hearted, real, frequently self-deprecating
• Joke-laden but genuinely grappling with an awkward dating issue
• Invites open listener stories, validating that there’s no perfect solution

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Takeaways

• There is no universally perfect way to turn down a second date without risking some awkwardness or hurt feelings.
• Most callers and hosts agree: if there’s no response after the first date, the message is clear—move on.
• The most common “polite” phrases are either ambiguous (“Had a great time, thanks!”) or low-risk fibs (“Just got out of a serious relationship”).
• Everyone admits it takes courage to be honest, and most people lack it in this context.
• At the end of the day, dating is complicated, so cut yourself and others some slack.

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Transcript

[Host]

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[Caller 1]

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[Caller 2]

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[Host/Moderator]

The Bird Show Talking to Tammy here, and this dude just didn't want to go out with her again. She was too chatty. She didn't pay attention to what he was saying, that he had to get up early and she kept him out late. So he just didn't want a second date, you know. So what does he do? He doesn't text her back, he doesn't call her back, and it's just assumed that there's not going to be a second date. So the question really is, is that the way you do it? Is that the way you handle it? The most appropriate way, just letting it go? Or is there something you could say to make the other person know that, look, it's just not here. This is not gonna work here. But do it politely to where you don't come off looking like, like all nasty.

[Host]

It's just hard to say to someone. Yeah, isn't it? I mean, I don't know. I don't know the words to use to politely decline a second date.

[Caller 2]

There's the brush off, right? Like, where you just don't. Where you ignore them.

[Host]

Right.

[Caller 2]

But if you're gonna stop that, you have to come up with one line that ends it. Saving their feelings, but protecting you from having to avoid that person in the future. Hey, Tracy.

[Caller 3]

Hey.

[Caller 2]

Hey.

[Caller 3]

Okay, so here's my beef. It's one thing like, and I'm gonna preface, I'm married now and whatnot, but I lived in New York for a while, so I actually did the sex of the City kind of thing. And I dated quite a bit. And it got to the point where if I spent all my time going, why never didn't I get a second date? Or why didn't I get a third date? You know, it's a waste of time. It's just, you know, it's a whole, like, if he's. If he's really not that into you kind of thing. There's some truth to that. And I do believe that honesty is the best policy. And it's not that you say, oh, look, sorry, no, I'm not going to call you. But as women, we need to get the hint that if we don't get the call back or if we don't get a text, it's like, move on. It's not like there's not 50 million other men out there that might be your perfect match. Because when we sit there and want all this closure and stuff, to the degree it makes us look like stalker women, it gives women a further bad name that, you know, we can't be strong, that we don't need men or that we, you know, we have to have men. And it's just like, just get the clue. It's, you know, so he didn't call. I know it sucks, but just move on. And as guys, it's like, don't say you're gonna do something if you're not gonna do it. Don't say, hey, I'll give you a call if you're not gonna do it.

[Host/Moderator]

So what would you rather?

[Caller 3]

Have a great time. Thanks.

[Host/Moderator]

What would you rather us say then?

[Caller 3]

You know, I think it's up to us. I mean, we're all adults. Sometimes you just. I mean, people need to get a better clue.

[Caller 2]

So what's the line? So, yeah, because what we're looking for is the line at the end of the date, the guy or the girl says, hey, I'd really love to see you again. What is the proper line?

[Caller 3]

You just. I have to admit there, I'm not

[Caller 4]

quite sure either, unfortunately.

[Caller 3]

I mean, honestly. Yeah, you just. You just say, honestly, hey, look, I had a great time.

[Caller 4]

Thanks.

[Caller 3]

And you just. You don't.

[Caller 2]

I don't want to see her anymore.

[Caller 3]

Fortunately, nobody wants to be the bad guy. But we're adults. People can't always be that clueless that. I mean, yes, I had several dates where I thought it went really well, and I never got a call back. And then there's times where, like, a guy thought we had a great date and he's calling and whatnot. And it's just like, dude, gotcha. You know, thank you.

[Caller 1]

I had a friend in New York who she. A friend of a friend who's. He said good luck at the end of the date.

[Caller 4]

Good luck.

[Commercial Announcer]

Good luck.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Host/Moderator]

So.

[Caller 1]

Well, so see, don't you wish you

[Host]

could sign it off like on an email? Like when people just write best and then put their name like, you wish you could say something like that.

[Host/Moderator]

Yeah, I'm with her. Sincerely, I would rather not know, to be honest with you. And just. I would rather have you not text me and not call me. I'll get it within two days. If I don't get anything back in two days, it's over anyway. I don't want to know what I did wrong or what you interpret that. Why I'm not for you. That's it.

[Caller 2]

We're talking about. We're talking about the after effects. I think we're looking for the line,

[Caller 1]

but I honestly don't think there'll ever be one. I think we're all adults, whatever. We're all grown people who still have the emotions of a 10 year old. I mean, that's how life is. And I think that what Bert is saying and actually what that last caller was saying is the only realistic thing is you just have to get the clue. Like you have to get it.

[Caller 2]

But then you have an awkward run.

[Caller 1]

Too many people don't because you like the person and you want to go out with them again. But guess what? It's not going to happen.

[Caller 2]

Especially if it's a friend situation, mutual friends. And you have the awkward run into them again. There should. There. There needs to be a line that can be used that is, I would really love to see you again. And then you know what? I don't think we hit it off. You know what? You had a big old chunk of lettuce in your teeth.

[Caller 1]

To do that with somebody that just.

[Caller 2]

Then we need to find a different line.

[Host/Moderator]

I don't think it works. I don't think we're going to find the right line because nobody's going to learn.

[Caller 1]

Too brutal.

[Caller 2]

Sorry.

[Host]

Too mean to say.

[Caller 2]

Terrible oral hygiene. Really? No, I just don't think we hit it off.

[Host/Moderator]

Hey, amber, you're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

That's what you should do. It's the bird theory. You weigh.

[Host]

Oversell it.

[Caller 2]

Overdue it.

[Host]

Okay.

[Caller 2]

Why? I don't think we should see each other anymore on account of you being really fat and having bad hair. Oh, my God. What?

[Host/Moderator]

Just kidding.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, just kidding. I just didn't think you and I connected.

[Host/Moderator]

Hey, amber. You're on Q100.

[Caller 5]

Well, ironically, I had a really similar situation happen to me, except it was a guy that wouldn't quit talking on the date. I was set up on a blind date, and I don't think the guy asked me three questions about myself, and it just was obnoxious. And I thought, you know, if this guy isn't genuinely interested in me, then I don't want a second date. And he called me. He's very persistent. IM me, texts me. And I finally just stood up and returned his text. I was very respectful, and I said, look, I had a good time, but. And here's the line. I just got out of a serious relationship, and I'm not looking for anything right now.

[Host/Moderator]

There you go.

[Caller 3]

It was a little stretch of the truth, but it was.

[Caller 5]

It was the truth.

[Caller 2]

That's okay.

[Host/Moderator]

Then as the one that. Then as the one that's out with you, I'm thinking, then why are we here in the first place?

[Caller 5]

Well, it was a blind date. I was set up by a good friend, and I just wanted to go out and have a little fun. You never know who you're going to meet. I mean, I feel like sometimes if a friend says, you should meet somebody, then you should always take the chance. But it just didn't work out.

[Caller 1]

Well, girls have already used that line for a long time. I don't want to be in a serious relationship, but just we've used that. All women have lied about it. I think the thing going on, what Jeff is saying is it will never work because nobody will take the line. Like, if you say, I just don't think it's gonna work out. Why? Well, what I do well, what can I do better? Or da, da, da, da, like the other person. Like, it's never gonna be clean break, because no two people are ever on the same page about anything.

[Caller 2]

Maybe you just go completely nuts, though. You go, let me see your palm. And then you look at the lines and go, oh, dear God. You and I are not. See how your stratus line crosses the omega line at the heart point? Look at mine. You see how that. That's clearly not. I don't even know how we survived this dinner.

[Caller 1]

I think it should be the soap opera thing where you just walk out. You just say, goodbye, no, thank you. Just turn around and walk out.

[Host/Moderator]

This is what John Mayer said about the breakup with Jennifer Aniston. And I wonder if there's any grain in here at all that you could use. But not to Somebody's face on a first date, though.

[Caller 4]

Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I've ever met. The people are different. People have different chemistry. They have different lives. It's not about years. It's about going out with somebody, being truthful on the way in, being truthful in the middle. Imagine this on the way out, imagine this first date. You're either a cheater or you break up. And I'm not the first.

[Host/Moderator]

There's nothing really in there that you

[Host]

take from each other.

[Caller 2]

Imagine the end of a first date, and you say the person by name. You know what? Wendy Adams is the most serious and smartest person that I know. And sometimes there's chemistry, and sometimes. And Wendy's like, dude, we went to Starbucks.

[Caller 3]

We just had coffee.

[Caller 2]

We had coffee and shared a piece of pound cake.

[Host/Moderator]

You, Trey, you're on Q100.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Host/Moderator]

Yeah.

[Caller 4]

I'm married now, and I've been married for a little over a year. But I went to the Dating Game for about two years with several different avenues and girls that just don't return your phone calls for no reason. And it just gets to the point where you want a reason. And I think I came up with it. You basically just have to say that, you know, look, we're both adults. We know that this really didn't go that well. I don't want to be mean to you. I don't want to lead you on. Let's just keep it at that and move on, and maybe you'll find somebody. Maybe I'll find somebody later on.

[Host/Moderator]

I just rather not even have courage to do that.

[Caller 1]

I don't think anybody has the courage to do that.

[Host]

Have the courage to do that.

[Caller 1]

And you say it didn't go well for the other person. It might. And I must say, I think it's hilarious that every caller or the majority of our callers, they're weighing in on this, want us to know that they're married. I don't know what the. I don't know what the purpose of letting us know they're married is, but I was in the dating.

[Host]

A lot of people have said that.

[Host/Moderator]

I've told you before that I. I have. I never became. I never had better perspective on dating than on the day that I got married. I figured dating out so well. I got all the answers now that I'm married.

[Caller 2]

What about.

[Caller 1]

Maybe that's it? I just felt like they just wanted to let us know that I'm legitimate because, you know, now I've done this Before I'm successful because I'm married, however. Right, exactly.

[Caller 2]

What about if the way you do it is like you leave the date and let whatever happens happens, but then as soon as you get home, you call the person you're on a date with and say, let me ask you a question about our dinner tonight. Did you poop your pants a little bit on the ride home? And then when they go, no, of course not go. I did.

[Host/Moderator]

Unless if the other person wants that, they'll go, yeah, actually, I did. Hey, mark, you're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 4]

Hey, how's it going?

[Host/Moderator]

What's up, man?

[Caller 4]

Hey, for me, when I was dating, I just kept it simple, you know, hey, they were like, hey, I'd like to see you again. Yeah, you know, maybe I will. Maybe we will hang out again sometime. That would be nice. Then it kind of leaves it open to. If you're not pinned down. But it kind of leaves it open to, hey, well, we'll call or we'll hang out with a bunch of friends. But you kind of put in that friendly vibe.

[Host/Moderator]

Why are we making this so complicated now? Dating now is set up to be so easy. You go on group dates, you're allowed to text each other and email as conversations. It's all so much easier now. So why are we complicating things with a. With a conversation to end it when it should just be a breastfeeding? Just don't call.

[Caller 2]

You should send a three letter text code that doesn't make any sense and then never contact them again.

[Host/Moderator]

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