The Bert Show: Vault – How Do You Politely Skip A Second Date?

Episode Date: March 4, 2026
Main Cast: The Bert Show team (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Callers)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show explores a classic dating dilemma: what’s the best and most polite way to decline a second date? The hosts and callers debate whether it’s better to "ghost," give a direct but kind explanation, or invent a gentle excuse. The conversation is lively and full of anecdotes, practical suggestions, humor, and reveals just how challenging and awkward these moments can be.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Predicament: To Reply or Not To Reply?

• Setup: A listener named Tammy is ghosted after a first date; the guy found her "too chatty" and said she kept him out too late, so he didn’t want to see her again. He simply never contacted her afterward.
  • Host (01:01): “So what does he do? He doesn't text her back, he doesn't call her back, and it's just assumed that there's not going to be a second date... Is that the way you handle it? ... Or is there something you could say to make the other person know that, look, it's just not here—but do it politely?”

Is Honesty Just Too Awkward?

• The Panel’s Consensus: Everyone agrees it’s tough to find the right words. There’s a sense people prefer dishonesty or avoidance to uncomfortable truths but acknowledge the downsides.
  • Host (01:38): “It's just hard to say to someone... I don't know the words to use to politely decline a second date.”

Caller Opinions: Tough Love & Moving On

• Caller Tracy (02:04): Shares her dating experience in NYC, emphasizing that people should just “get the clue” if there's no reply. Too much searching for closure makes it seem desperate or "stalker-ish."

  • Notable Quote (02:18): “It's a waste of time... If he's really not that into you, there's some truth to that... Just get the clue... move on.”

• Panel Asks for ‘The Line’ (03:12): The group seeks that elusive “one line” to end things nicely.

  • Tracy: “Honestly, hey, look, I had a great time. Thanks.” (03:41)
  • Emphasis that everyone is an adult and sometimes has to just move on.

The Search for the ‘Perfect Line’

• Experimentation with Lines: The group debates if there’s any polite phrase that works universally. Most agree nothing is truly pain-free or fool-proof.
  • Host/Moderator (04:26): “I would rather not know, to be honest with you... I don't want to know what I did wrong... I'll get it within two days. If I don't get anything back in two days, it's over anyway.”

When Honesty Feels “Too Brutal”

• Humorous Take (05:56):
  • Panel jokes: “I don't think we should see each other anymore on account of you being really fat and having bad hair.” (05:56)
  • Immediately clarify they’re joking, and suggest: “I just didn't think you and I connected.” (06:02)

Real Life Example: Using the Classic “I’m Not Ready” Excuse

• Caller Amber (06:07): Shares her experience being pursued by a persistent blind date and finally letting him down gently.
  • Amber’s Line (06:38): “I just got out of a serious relationship, and I'm not looking for anything right now.”
  • She admits it's a “little stretch of the truth,” but it’s often easier for everyone.

The Issue with Honest Rejection

• Panel Insight (07:02):
  • Noted that these polite "white lies" are a common tool, especially for women.
  • Caller (07:02): “All women have lied about it. ... It will never work because nobody will take the line. Like, if you say, I just don't think it's gonna work out. 'Why?' ... It's never gonna be a clean break.”

Outlandish Alternatives (07:26-07:47)

• Comic Relief: Panel suggests joking options like using palm readings or soap opera-like walkouts to lighten the grim subject.

The John Mayer ‘Breakup’ Reference (07:47-08:33)

• Host shares John Mayer’s respectful breakup statement about Jennifer Aniston, but everyone agrees it’s too grand for a first date and sounds artificial in typical situations.

Male Caller’s Simple Friendly Approach

• Caller Mark (10:11): Suggests keeping it vague and friendly:
  • “Yeah, you know, maybe I will. Maybe we will hang out again sometime. That would be nice.” (10:13)
  • The panel acknowledges that sometimes ambiguity is better than cruelty or confrontation.

Why Is This So Complicated?

• Panel Conclusion (10:38):

  • The current dating scene—with group dates and digital communication—should make it easier to fade away.
  • Host/Moderator (10:38): “Why are we making this so complicated now? Dating now is set up to be so easy... why are we complicating things with a conversation to end it when it should just be a breastfeeding? Just don't call.”

• More Joke Solutions:

  • Suggest sending a nonsense text code never to contact again. (10:55)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “People need to get a better clue.” – Caller Tracy (03:16)
• “I had a good time, but... I just got out of a serious relationship, and I'm not looking for anything right now.” – Caller Amber (06:38)
• “No two people are ever on the same page about anything.” – Panel (07:02)
• “Sometimes there's chemistry, and sometimes—Wendy’s like, dude, we went to Starbucks.” – Panelist mocking John Mayer’s breakup language (08:16)
• “Maybe we will hang out again sometime. That would be nice.” – Caller Mark's friendly fade (10:13)

Important Timestamps & Segments

• [01:01] – Opening of main discussion: How to politely avoid a second date
• [02:04] – Caller Tracy's perspective: move on, don’t seek closure
• [04:26] – Host prefers not to know, just stop texting/calling
• [05:56] – Panel jokes about brutally honest breakups, then softens with realistic lines
• [06:38] – Caller Amber’s example of the “I’m not ready” excuse
• [07:47] – John Mayer breakup reference and reaction
• [10:13] – Caller Mark’s “maybe we will hang out again” helper line
• [10:38] – Panel: dating now is easier, let it fade away

Tone & Atmosphere

• Light-hearted, real, frequently self-deprecating
• Joke-laden but genuinely grappling with an awkward dating issue
• Invites open listener stories, validating that there’s no perfect solution

Takeaways

• There is no universally perfect way to turn down a second date without risking some awkwardness or hurt feelings.
• Most callers and hosts agree: if there’s no response after the first date, the message is clear—move on.
• The most common “polite” phrases are either ambiguous (“Had a great time, thanks!”) or low-risk fibs (“Just got out of a serious relationship”).
• Everyone admits it takes courage to be honest, and most people lack it in this context.
• At the end of the day, dating is complicated, so cut yourself and others some slack.