Vault: How Does She Tell Her Boyfriend She Can't Afford To Attend His Wedding?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: How Does She Tell Her Boyfriend She Can't Afford To Attend His Wedding?

Date: February 9, 2026
Duration: ~13 minutes (content only)
Host: Bert & The Bert Show Cast (Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others)
Guest/Caller: Susan

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on Susan, a listener who faces a dilemma: her brother is having a destination wedding in Aruba and she cannot afford to attend. The cast and callers advise Susan on whether and how to tell her brother about her financial constraints, balancing etiquette, family expectations, and emotional realities around destination weddings.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Dilemma: Cost of Attending a Destination Wedding

• Susan’s Situation:

  • Her brother’s wedding in Aruba would cost Susan and her husband ~$3,000 (02:21).
  • She and her husband are “very frugal” and haven’t traveled except for a free timeshare trip (00:49).
  • Feels alone in not being able to afford it, fearing being “the whiner” (01:11).

• Family Dynamics:

  • Brother and fiancé chose Aruba partly to keep the guest list small.
  • Parents of the bride are funding the wedding (“word on the street”: $30,000—02:31).

• Quote:

  • “We have not been on a vacation since we’ve been married, except…a timeshare thing where we had to go listen to a timeshare. You know, that’s the kind of people we are.” – Susan (00:49)
  • “You shouldn’t have to go into debt to see your brother get married.” – Bert (01:48)

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2. Navigating Family Expectations and Etiquette

• Etiquette Discussion:

  • Callers reference traditional etiquette: bride’s family should pay for guests’ accommodations (06:01 – 06:33).
  • Cast acknowledges times have changed and destination weddings are now more common, making old etiquette less relevant (06:33).

• Quote:

  • “That’s pretty old school etiquette, though, because a lot of people have destination weddings now...old etiquette wedding rules applied when you…lived in the same hometown.” —D (06:33)

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3. Options & Advice from Hosts and Listeners

• Possible Solutions:

  • Take on additional work: Part-time job or tutoring (10:04 – 11:26).
  • Reduce costs: Susan can fly standby via her sister (a flight attendant) though this creates logistical issues (03:35).
  • Ask for help: Hosts encourage transparency with her brother (02:24, 05:02), suggesting expressing her desire to be there without demanding financial aid.

• Balanced Solutions:

  • One caller proposes a combination: Susan tries to save/earn money, but also honestly communicates financial struggle to her brother (10:53).

• Quote:

  • “Either you find another way to get income in order to afford it. You either sit your brother down and tell him what’s going on…or you just tell him that you can’t go. I mean, those are your three options.” —Bert (11:42)
  • “I’m leaning towards two. I think.” —Susan (choosing to talk to her brother) (12:03)

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4. Emotional Consequences & Family Relationships

• Susan’s Fears:

  • Worried about being seen as a burden, particularly since the brother is already stressed in his career (08:32).
  • Doesn’t want to be “the only one” vocalizing a problem, though others may face the same challenge (01:31).

• Sibling Relationships:

  • Close with her future sister-in-law, possibly making the conversation easier (07:57).
  • Acknowledges family support differences—other relatives get help from parents; she does not (08:13).

• Hosts’ Empathy:

  • Validate Susan’s concern for not stressing her brother, but encourage honesty.

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5. Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• Memorable Listener Take:
  • “Her brother’s getting $30,000. Of course he’s gonna be able to give her a little bit if it’s really that important for her to be there.” —Kayla, caller (07:18)
• Hosts’ Lightheartedness:
  • Suggesting Susan get a job at “the Cheetah” (an Atlanta strip club) as a joke to raise money (11:13).
• Ethical Consensus:
  • Agreeing Susan shouldn’t have to “strain” herself with multiple part-time jobs just for a wedding (10:35).

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Important Episode Timestamps

• 00:21: Susan details her financial situation and vacation history.
• 01:11: Expresses not wanting to be the “whiner.”
• 02:24: Reveals bride’s parents’ $30,000 offer for Aruba wedding.
• 03:35: Examining “fallback plans” – flying standby, camping in parents’ hotel room.
• 05:02: Hosts debate candidly telling her brother about the cost issue.
• 06:01: Caller Roberto discusses wedding etiquette.
• 08:13: Susan contrasts her situation with other relatives.
• 11:42: Bert lays out the “three options.”
• 12:03: Susan chooses to talk to her brother.
• 12:30: Hosts ask Susan to update post-conversation.

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Conclusion

Susan, grappling with the cost of attending her brother’s destination wedding, receives a range of empathetic, practical, and humorous advice from the Bert Show hosts and callers. The cast validates both her financial hesitance and her relational anxieties, ultimately urging open communication and authenticity as the best path forward—even if the conversation feels awkward. Susan leans toward having an honest discussion with her brother, and the show ends with encouragement to update the hosts on what happens next.

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Tone

The episode balances empathy, humor, and real-world practicality—retaining an approachable, “real talk” morning-show vibe throughout. The cast’s advice is compassionate and relatable, reflecting their “keep it real” style.

Transcript

[A]

The bird show. You want to see your brother, your sister, get married, but they start throwing up all these financial obstacles for you, and at one point, you just gotta go, I can't do this. I can't do it. And that's where Susan's at right now. Good morning, Susan. You are on Q100.

[B]

Good morning, guys. Help me.

[A]

Okay, what's going on?

[B]

Well, I'll give you the CliffsNotes version. Basically, my brother, in order to make his life easier, has decided to go off and get married in Aruba, which is probably the most expensive Caribbean island to go to. And right now, it would cost myself and my husband about $3,000 to get there. So we're a very frugal people.

[A]

You have to be frugal. $3,000 is a lot of money to anybody.

[B]

I mean, we have not been on a vacation since we've been married, except we did one of those free timeshare things where we had to go listen to a timeshare. You know, that's the kind of people we are. So I don't know what to do.

[A]

So it's gonna cost you three grand. And have you talked to your brother about it yet, or are you calling, asking now how you should handle it with the family?

[B]

Well, yeah, kind of. Because the thing is, like, when I got married, you know, there was always that person that, you know, had a problem with whatever decision you made, and I don't want to be that person. And I want to be the person calling him and causing him more stress. You know, like, you know, I don't want to be the whiner, because apparently we're the only ones who have problems coming up with $3,000. Right.

[C]

You're the only ones vocalizing it. But right now, when it costs you 100 bucks to fill up your gas tank, everybody. Everybody's running into a problem, coming up with a few grand.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we can put it on our credit card, sure. But, I mean, I don't want to pay 10% of $3,000 for, you know, the next six years.

[A]

That is a lot of money. I mean, you shouldn't have to go into debt to see your brother get married.

[B]

Right. Exactly.

[D]

Now, did they specifically plan it in Aruba so that it would be small?

[B]

Yeah, my brother is very afraid of confrontation, and they were having a hard time narrowing down the list.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

So he and his fiance said, oh, well, if we go to Aruba, the list is already narrowed for us. And her parents said, oh, we'll give you all the money we Were going to spend on a wedding here if you'll get married there and we'll give you our condo that we have in Aruba for you to use. So they are getting everything covered and making money on the deal.

[A]

So essentially, how much is your brother getting from his future in laws to do this wedding in Aruba?

[B]

Okay. The word on the street I cannot confirm is like $30,000.

[A]

30, wow.

[B]

And I mean, I don't know, that's just, you know, through the family rumor mill. So.

[D]

So as of right now, how many people are going to attend?

[B]

I think like probably 30.

[D]

And that's just relatives and that's just family members now. Have you talked to your parents about it? What do they have to say?

[B]

They would love to help me out, but currently they're helping my brother out with his bill because he's in real estate.

[A]

Well, let me ask you this, this seems like a pretty obvious question. If the word on the street is that he's getting $30,000 for the wedding, is it inappropriate to go to your brother and say, I would really, really like to attend your wedding but I just can't afford it. Don't ask him to pay for it. But if you know that he's getting 30 grand for having the wedding in Aruba, wouldn't he volunteer and just go, look, it's important for me to have you there.

[C]

But she said that's one of the first things she said is she doesn't want to be that person giving him another headache.

[A]

Well, do you want to be that person that just doesn't show up to your brother's wedding? Because it doesn't even sound like it's an option.

[B]

Well, there is a fallback plan, sort of. My sister is a flight attendant, so I could fly standby by myself and you know, sleep on a cot in my parents hotel room I suppose and save some money. But you know, I want my husband to go. I don't want to fly standby. I'm a teacher so I'm going to have to get a sub because this is in the fall and I don't want to standby to Aruba. Could take days.

[D]

Right.

[B]

You know, so I mean I could do that. That's like last case scenario. I would probably rather do that before like calling my brother and you know, being that family member. So I don't know. But I also don't really feel like, you know, at almost 30 years old, I want to be camping out my parents hotel room.

[E]

Right. Well, I know you said the wedding's not until November.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I wonder if there's another relative that would be going, because I was thinking you could go by yourself and cut the cost in half. I mean, I know that's not the best plan ever.

[B]

Well, and then. But then my husband's like, well, I don't want to end up going into debt for your vacation. I don't even get to go.

[D]

That's true.

[A]

I've said on the shelf. Also, like on your wedding day. That is like, the one day in your life that you're allowed to be completely and totally selfish. I'm taking that back. This is. I mean, it's such. I mean, I think it's fair to say that you can be selfish on that day.

[C]

I mean, I think I understand where she's coming from, that she doesn't want to be a burden or a nuisance to him. I also don't think there's anything wrong with what Bert said about giving him the heads up and going, hey, I don't want you to be shocked when a month before your wedding you find out, I'm not going, but my husband, Joe and I, or whatever your husband's name is, we just can't afford to pull this off. I do think that's fair, but.

[E]

I.

[C]

Think you have to sacrifice yourself on someone else's wedding day.

[E]

Well, and the reason I ask about November is because there may be a listener email that'll come in that'll say, well, can you do anything or sell anything between now and then to get the money?

[B]

Can I sell anything personally?

[E]

Because, I mean, it's four months. Four months about away.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I could sell my grandmother's diamond ring she left me, but I don't really. Well, I mean, want to do that. Yeah.

[A]

Roberto, you're on Q100. What's going on?

[F]

Hey, how's it going? I know when I got married, my mother in law was very much into etiquette. And at the time, she said that all hotel accommodations and things like that were to be paid by the bride's family. So I don't know if that would apply here or not. Buy a plane ticket.

[A]

That sure makes sense. That makes common sense to me. Like, if you're gonna be the one that says, look, I want to get married in Italy, and you want all your. Your family there, then maybe in those costs is you have to pay for their hotel room there.

[F]

Exactly.

[A]

That makes sense to me.

[D]

It's pretty old school etiquette, though, because a lot of people have destination weddings now. A lot of People have. You know, nobody gets married in their hometown necessarily anymore. And all. Everyone all lives there. Because I think a lot of those old etiquette wedding rules applied when you and your fiance were from the same hometown. And it would be a rare thing for people to have to travel to get there. Now it's more common for people to leave home and then everyone travel back to the hometown to get married. You know what I mean?

[A]

That's a pain in the butt.

[D]

It's just like a. It's just kind of an old school etiquette thing.

[A]

Hey, kayla, you're on Q100.

[D]

Apply to people now.

[G]

Oh, I just want to tell y', all, I love y'.

[B]

All.

[G]

So I listen to it every morning, and I've never been able to get on here.

[A]

I'm glad you did.

[E]

Now you're here.

[G]

Thank you.

[B]

I was just gonna say, you know.

[G]

Her brother's getting $30,000. Of course he's gonna be able to give her a little bit if it's really that important for her to be there.

[A]

I think you got. I'm with her. I think you have to, like, not ask for the money. But I. I mean, you're being completely authentic with him saying that. It's putting a tremendous financial strain on you. So if you tell him that, I don't see how he couldn't volunteer that cash to you.

[E]

Is it an older or younger brother?

[B]

He's older.

[E]

I mean, I think there's. I mean, I'm the baby.

[B]

That's why I don't have the money.

[E]

Because I think it's a more comfortable conversation if it's an older sibling and say, you know what? I just. I don't know if I can. If I can pull this off.

[A]

Do you get along with his fiance?

[B]

Oh, yeah, very well.

[A]

So you guys are, like, tight?

[B]

Yes, probably tighter than my sister and I are, and I haven't known her that long.

[C]

Oh, you tell them both, then. Sit them both down?

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[E]

Do you think that anybody else, though, has said something to him? I mean, it can be just you that's having an issue with paying for the trip.

[B]

I don't know. My mom makes it makes me feel like it's only me because I have a couple cousins, but their parents are paying for them, and they're older than me, and they don't have money, but their parents have money, so they're like, oh, we'll pay for you. So I kind of thought my parents would, you know, help me out. But why are you afraid to Talk.

[D]

To your brother about it.

[A]

She said she don't want to be that pain in the butt.

[B]

Well, and he's, he's having. He's really stressed right now because he's a builder and things aren't going so well, as you know, in the real estate world. So he's got a lot of stuff going on with that.

[D]

Are you afraid, Are you afraid that he's going to say, okay, don't come?

[B]

No, no, I. He definitely wouldn't say that. Like I said, he's very not confrontational, so he would. I just don't want him to. I don't want any more stress to him, basically.

[E]

I do appreciate that you, you're thinking about him, though, that you're hesitant to talk to him.

[A]

I think you got to sit him down. Hey, Brian, you're on Q100.

[F]

How do it?

[A]

All right. What's up, man?

[F]

Everything. I just want to say that, you know, my cousin's getting married in Mexico actually next month, and they're having a destination waiting. I think it's just for, you know, it's more. When people have destination weddings, they have it just for themselves. They understand when family members can't come, most of my family aren't gonna be able to go. And he understands that if you have a, you know, wedding anywhere in the States here that people are able to go to, it's not as expensive. You know, it's not. It's harder to understand people not coming than, you know, spending thousands of dollars just to go somebody else's wedding.

[E]

But that's your cousin, though.

[A]

Yeah. And he's saying. It's implied also. Like, if you have a destination wedding, you just assume that some people aren't gonna be able to make it. But not your sister.

[E]

But that was your cousin. This is her brother. So I think it's a little different.

[A]

Just take one more.

[E]

Can't miss your brother's wedding.

[A]

One or two more calls. Hey, Tanika.

[B]

Hey, how are you guys?

[A]

Good morning. Thanks for calling.

[G]

Wonderful.

[B]

I love your show. Thank you. Yeah, I just have a really quick comment. If their schedules allow, I think that.

[G]

Both of them should get part time.

[B]

Jobs because if the wedding's in the.

[G]

Fall, they have enough time to earn the cash.

[A]

It just seems like, I mean, to have to put yourself through that kind of stress. I don't know. But I think Debbie's on board with that also. Hey, Debbie.

[B]

Hey there.

[G]

I was going back. I think it was Melissa that was saying, you know, get another job. She's got five months and it doesn't sound like she's got kids. So I mean, go out and get a second job, work on the nights, work on the weekends. Her husband can do the same thing. They can get a job together and you know, save up the money for the next six months, then it's not an issue.

[A]

So strain. She should strain herself and get a couple of part time jobs to try to earn money to a wedding that she can't afford to go to.

[B]

Yeah, if she wants to go.

[G]

And she sounds like she really wants to go. She loves her brother, wants to be there, but she doesn't have the money. So this is the way to get the money. She earns it instead of waiting for somebody to turn around and give her a handout.

[E]

I mean, AKA she could split the difference and talk to her brother. But say in the meantime, I'm going to try to do my best to get what I can, but I'm not, you know, I may not be able to get the whole thing. But that's why I brought up it's four or five months away.

[A]

Is that an option for you?

[B]

Maybe for me, but not my husband. He's getting ready to start his mba, so I mean that's going to be his part time job.

[C]

What if you went just like, what if you got a job at the Cheetah and you could just do like a month?

[B]

Well, if I had to save up for the implants.

[D]

But Susan, what about tutoring? You said you're a teacher.

[B]

Yeah, actually my husband and I talked about that before, but not for this. For money to pay off our student loans, not to pay for trip to Aruba, you know, so, I mean, I guess that's something. But you have to find the people to tutor, which, you know, I don't really know how to go about doing that.

[A]

Well, you've got three options. Okay, here are the three options. Either you find another way to get income in order to afford it. You either sit your brother down and tell him what's going on in hopes that he volunteers, or you just tell him that you can't go. I mean, those are your three options.

[E]

That's all you got.

[A]

That's it. So pick door one, two or three?

[B]

Yeah, right now I'm leaning towards two. I think.

[A]

Sit them down and tell them. I think that's the best way to go. I think that if they're getting 30 grand for this wedding, I think if you authentically sit them down and go, this is just putting too much of a strain on me. Your sister is gonna say, don't worry, I'll cover it.

[C]

If he says, I'll cover half if you can cover the other half. Is that fair?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, you may do that.

[B]

Yeah, I would do that.

[A]

I want to know what happens after you talk to him.

[B]

Okay. Good luck. Thanks.

[A]

Those conversations are hard, but I want to put you on hold. I want to talk to you again. Will you call us back?

[B]

I sure will.

[A]

You're not going to have that talk with him, are you?

[B]

Yes, I am. I just don't know when.

[A]

The Birch Show.