Vault: How Fast Did You Return Home After Moving Out?

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – How Fast Did You Return Home After Moving Out?

Original Air Date: January 5, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Theme:
A humorous and honest exploration of “moving out” stories gone awry—how quickly did people return home after a bold, life-changing move? Listeners and hosts share tales that range from comically abrupt collegiate withdrawals to cross-country adventures that sent them running back to the comfort of home.

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode of The Bert Show, the team dives into stories about making big moves—literally—and the sometimes surprising speed with which people end up back home. Prompted by a recent American Idol contestant’s quick return after a failed bid for stardom, callers and cast members recount their own rapid reversals, often with a dose of humility and lots of laughs. The episode unpacks the dreams, reality checks, homesickness, and ultimately, the lessons learned from “going for it”—even if it means coming right back.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Inspiration: Taking the Leap and QUICK Returns

• Prompt from Bert (Host):
  [01:32] "Janae Castine, 17 years old, makes a really bold decision with her mom that she's moving out to California [...] She loses and she's three months into being in California and now she's got to move back to Lawrenceville."
  • Kicks off the theme: “What is the quickest move home you ever made?”
  • Hosts and listeners are encouraged to share their ‘moving out, moving back’ tales.

2. Co-Host’s Sibling Story

• Unexpected Job Loss After Cross-Country Move:
  [02:24] Co-Host shares: “He got in the car and he drove across country...He got out there and they said, 'I know we offered you the job, but... we folded the job.' So he had to turn around and come back to Nashville.”
  • Highlights the risk of bold moves and unforeseen setbacks.
  • Emphasizes how tough it is to undo a big ‘leap’ after investing emotionally and physically.

3. Caller Stories: Fastest Returns

a) Suzanne – One Night at College

• [03:07] Suzanne: “I thought I was going to be really brave and go to Georgia Southern...got there, stayed there one night, couldn't stand the person I was going to be roommates with, and packed up and left the next day.”
  Memorable Comment:
  [03:30] “[Statesboro] wasn't really a happening place.”
  • Uprooted by discomfort, not distance.

b) Karista – Moved for Love, Returned in a Month

• [03:41] Karista: “Moved an hour and a half away for a guy I just met…came back in less than a month because I missed my daddy and I missed my job, and he came with me.”
  • Sometimes home wins—even love interests relocate back with you.

c) Reggie – Seattle’s “Drabness” Drives Him Back

• [05:23] Reggie: “Graduated from Georgia State and just decided I wanted to live in Seattle…Three weeks later, packed up everything and drove all the way back.”
  • Weather, vibe, and missing familiarity cited as key factors for turning back.

d) Amy – Shocking Roommate Reality

• [08:01] Amy: “I moved out to San Francisco to move in with a childhood friend...She lives in a roach-infested slum and turned out she was a call girl. I didn’t have any money to get back, so I bought a bus ticket and took the bus from San Francisco all the way back here to Atlanta.”
  • An example of how dream moves can unravel in unexpected—and unforgettable—ways.
  • Bert (Host): [08:44] “Oh, God, what a story you have to tell.”

4. Hosts Reflect on Personal Moves

• Host’s Take on Needing Time to Adjust:
  [06:20] Bert: “It's always taken me about a year to know if I really like a city or not. Because the first year you're just so sketched out, everything is a hassle because you don't know where anything is... you start thinking about home and everything is so easy back at the place you were from.”
  • The first months are always the hardest—“familiarity” plays a huge role in adjusting.
• The Painful First Night Away:
  [07:06] Bert: “I end up in a little town in New Mexico called Gallup...I remember lying in that hotel room in the dark, bawling. Because it was the first time in my life I really felt all alone.”
  • Candid confession about the emotional toll of leaving home.
• Persistence vs. Homesickness:
  [06:41] Co-Host: “The first night in a new place, in a new city is the worst night you'll ever spend in that city. And you gotta push through it.”

5. Reflection: Do You Really “Try” If You Leave Quickly?

• [05:58] Co-Host: “Do you ever know like, you've actually given it a try?...I don't even think, like, two weeks in Seattle, I don't think that's really given it a chance.”
• [06:41] Bert: “…first year you're just so sketched out…”
• Emphasizes the challenge of honestly judging a new experience too quickly; encourages pushing through the tough adjustment phase.

6. Fails, Fibs, & Lucky Breaks

• Almost-Gave-Up Moment in Atlanta:
  [08:55] Contributor: “I almost didn't make it in Atlanta…I got a job at Kroger for one day…While I went home for lunch, I played the answering machine. And it was the program director...‘You’ll start next Monday.’”
  • Reminds listeners how close we can be to turning around, and how fate sometimes intervenes.
• Host’s White Lie to Parents:
  [09:49] Bert: “I told [my parents] I was going to be on the air…and I didn't even have a job really lined up. I had a job at the station, but it was as a receptionist...But I figured if I was in the building, I could make something happen...”
  Contrib. (Humor): [10:24] “Dad discovered that lies when he stopped speaking to him.”
  • The power of boldness, a little bluffing, and risking it for dreams.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On failed moves:
  “It feels like four months. Feel like, you know, four days going out, four months coming on.” – Birch Show Contributor [03:00]
• On 'do you get a welcome home party?':
  "Do you get a welcome home party? I don't think so, no." – Bert (Host) [05:10]
• On emotional impact:
  “I remember lying in that hotel room in the dark, bawling. Because it was the first time in my life I really felt all alone.” – Bert (Host) [07:06]
• On homesickness:
  “I packed up everything and drove all the way back. So it's the same scene. Everybody threw a big party...Wasted. Two weeks driving and three weeks in Seattle.” – Reggie (Caller) [05:23]
• The moral:
  “You gotta try it.” – Bert (Host) [08:53]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:32] – Prompt: American Idol story & theme intro
• [02:24] – Co-host’s brother and the rescinded job offer
• [03:07] – Suzanne’s one-night college stand
• [03:41] – Karista moves for love and quickly returns
• [05:23] – Reggie’s rainy Seattle saga
• [06:20] – “It takes a year to adjust” discussion
• [07:06] – Bert’s Motel 6 “all alone” night
• [08:01] – Amy’s roommate shocker
• [08:55] – Contributor almost gave up in Atlanta
• [09:49] – Bert’s fib to his parents about job status

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Tone and Takeaways

The Bert Show stays true to its brand—warm, funny, a little self-deprecating, and always real. This episode reminds listeners that chasing dreams often comes with bumpy landings, but there’s no shame in trying, failing, and sometimes quickly coming home again. It’s a collective reassurance that nobody is alone in feeling overwhelmed by change—and that sometimes the best stories come from the moves that didn’t go as planned.

If you’ve ever made a leap and ended up right back where you started, you’re in good company.

Transcript

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[Birch Show Host]

Purchased the Birch Show But I had a thought this morning when I was when we were talking about American Idol And Janae Castine, 17 years old, makes a really bold decision with her mom that she's moving out to California. I mean, that's a bold decision right there. She knew she was in the finals of American Idol at least the final 32. She's like, you know what, let's move out there. And I think I'm gonna win this thing and we'll stay in California after I win it. Well, she loses and she's three months into being in California and now she's got to move back to Lawrenceville. So I want to know from you guys, what is the quickest move home you ever made like, you made a tough decision. I am moving up to New York City, and I'm gonna follow my dream to be on Broadway. And you got to New York, and the city just ran too fast for you or for whatever reason. Like, within a week, you're like, oh, boy, I better get back to Conyers.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

I don't have a story like that. My brother does, though. But it wasn't really his decision. He decided that he was gonna move to San Diego, he was gonna make a change. He got a job in San Diego, and he was gonna drive across country. He's never done that before. So he got in the car and he drove across country. It was a long time ago, before the whole cell phone thing. He got out there and they said, oh, you know what? I know we offered you the job, but in the time it took you to get out here, which was, you know, he took his time. So a few days or whatever. And the job. They folded the job. They took it back.

[Birch Show Host]

Oh, no.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

So he had to turn around and come back to Nashville.

[Birch Show Host]

Right back. Oh, 404-741-1005.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

Or drive back home, I bet.

[Birch Show Host]

And that's a long time. You know, it.

[Birch Show Contributor]

It feels like four months. Feel like, you know, four days going out, four months coming on.

[Birch Show Host]

Right. Hey, Suzanne.

[Caller/Suzanne]

Hi.

[Birch Show Host]

Hi.

[Caller/Suzanne]

I thought I was going to be really brave and go to Georgia Southern, and I've lived in Lilburn all my entire life and got there, stayed there one night, couldn't stand the person I was going to be roommates with, and packed up and left the next day. One night overnight.

[Birch Show Host]

One night. And that was it.

[Caller/Suzanne]

That was it. Couldn't do it.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

One night in Statesboro. That'll do it.

[Caller/Suzanne]

That wasn't really a happening place.

[Birch Show Host]

It doesn't sound like it. All right. Thank you for calling.

[Caller/Suzanne]

Thanks.

[Birch Show Host]

And Karista, good morning. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller/Suzanne]

Hi. How are y' all doing?

[Birch Show Host]

Okay, thank you.

[Caller/Suzanne]

The quickest I moved back home was less than a month. I moved an hour and a half away for a guy that I just met who is now my husband. But I came back in less than a month because I missed my daddy and I missed my job, and he came with me and our maid.

[Birch Show Host]

Oh, you're kidding. So it turned out okay, even though you moved back home?

[Caller/Suzanne]

Yes.

[Birch Show Host]

All right, thank you. Like, Gellert is in this kind of situation right now. Our night guy who does nights on all the hits. Q100. He just moved his girlfriend out from Salt Lake City and They. I mean, this is. If I was an odds maker, her being 19 and he's 25, he's got his first gig in a big time radio market. She's coming out here to live with him. With. Who knows what could happen? I mean, she could be calling the next time we do this. I lived this very same story with this girl I brought out to Washington D.C. from California. And within three months she was on a plane back or whatever to California.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

Was it only three months?

[Birch Show Host]

I can't even really remember exactly what the timetable was on. It might have been a little longer than that. Maybe six months.

[Birch Show Contributor]

You know, much like Melissa has her frustration with her friends who got married and then the wedding ended after six months. Like, she went three months.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

Three months.

[Birch Show Contributor]

So what happens if you're leaving for the big jobs? They throw you the big old going away party and they have the big old, you know, festivities and everybody's meeting at the bar and it's a big throwdown and then you leave and six weeks later you're back.

[Birch Show Host]

Like, is that you ask for gifts back?

[Birch Show Co-Host]

Well, yeah, I mean, that's. That was the frustrating thing. Yeah. The three months of the wedding thing. I want my plate back. If you.

[Birch Show Contributor]

Well, not gifts, because I don't know if you give gifts for a going away party, but, like, do you get a welcome home party?

[Birch Show Host]

I don't think so, no. No, I don't think so. And I failed miserably. Party Yeah, I got scared of death.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

Party yeah, I have no spine Party.

[Birch Show Host]

Good morning, Reggie. You're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller/Suzanne]

I actually graduated from Georgia State and just decided I wanted to live in Seattle. So I packed up everything, moved, got an apartment. On the facts, just done everything, drove out that week, decided that the city's pretty, but it was too drab and rainy. And three weeks later, packed up everything and drove all the way back. So it's the same scene. Everybody threw a big party and had all that stuff. So I got back in. Just got back to Atlanta. Wasted. Two weeks driving and three weeks in Seattle.

[Birch Show Host]

Wow. And then just turned right. Well, you know what I mean? Hats off for you for trying.

[Caller/Suzanne]

Yeah.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

But do you ever know, like. I'm sorry. Do you ever know that, like, you've actually given it a try? Like the girl who went to Statesboro for one night, like, you can't feel like you really tried going to college like, or you can't. I don't even think, like, two weeks in Seattle. What did he say? Two or three weeks in Seattle Yeah, like I don't think that's really given it a chance. I felt like when I moved to Atlanta, it took me nine months to have a clue where I was even driving in this city.

[Birch Show Host]

That's what my theory is too. Like I've gone from San Diego to D.C. d.C. Dallas, Dallas, Atlanta. And it's always taken me about a year to know if I really like a city or not. Because the first year you're just so sketched out, everything is a hassle because you don't know where anything is and everything. And you start thinking about home and everything is so easy back at the place you were from that.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

Because it's familiar.

[Birch Show Host]

Yeah, right.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

Well, and I think you know also, especially if you move by yourself, like you, you weird out because you don't have any friends there. The first night in a new place, in a new city is the worst night you'll ever spend in that city. And you gotta push through it. Like, you know, my friend just moved up to Boston and there's been many phone calls, you know, like, as a friend, you have to encourage them to stay there. You know, like it's okay, you miss us, but you, you're gonna make it, you know, a whole new ton of friends where you are. You just gotta give it time.

[Birch Show Host]

I remember leaving San diego for Washington D.C. and I love everything about San Diego, man, that, that, I just love it there. But it was a business decision to leave to go to Washington D.C. and I think I was like, I don't know, 23, 22 at the time. And I'm driving across country and the first night of my trip, I end up in a little town in New Mexico called Gallup, New Mexico, in some Motel 6. And it's about 11:30 or midnight at night and I've been driving 12 straight hours. And I remember lying in that hotel room in the dark, bawling. Because it was the first time in my life I really felt all alone. Like I had no support system at all. I was away from what I really loved. And I'm in this hotel room and I'm just crying and crying because I'm so scared of what lies ahead.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

But that's. You gotta go through that though.

[Birch Show Host]

Yeah.

[Birch Show Co-Host]

Like you gotta go back to the days when you. I can't wait to move out of my parents house. I can't wait till nobody tells me what to do. Well, guess what? When that happens, that's a huge transition, you know? Scary.

[Birch Show Host]

Hey Amy, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Caller/Suzanne]

Hey, I moved out to San Francisco to move in with a childhood friend that I hadn't seen since I was 12. But we had stayed in touch for, you know, 12 years. And she made it sound like she was making all this money working at a club and everything, and I need to come out there and move in with her. And so I, you know, I sold everything I had and everybody threw me a goodbye party and everything I get out there. She lives in a roast roach infested slum and turned out she was a call girl. I didn't have any money to like get back, so I bought a bus ticket and took the bus from San Francisco all the way back here to Atlanta.

[Birch Show Host]

Oh, God, what a story you have to tell.

[Caller/Suzanne]

Yeah, it was, it was pretty rough.

[Birch Show Host]

Thanks for calling.

[Caller/Suzanne]

All right, thanks.

[Birch Show Host]

Hey, you gotta try it.

[Birch Show Contributor]

I almost didn't make it in Atlanta because when I came up here from Miami, I was 22 years old. And I got the job offer from the station manager and he said, you know, I want you to be in radio. So I moved everything. I mean, I had my little car, had like three boxes. That was all I owned. At 22, I had nothing, came up here. And I auditioned for the station and the program director hated me. He goes, you are horrible. There's no way I'm putting you on my radio station. So I go, oh, my God. I just left my whole life. My friends threw me a big going away party. So I said, well, I'll get a job and stay up here for a little while. I got a job at Kroger for one day. And I went home during lunch. It was a Kroger. I lived right across the street. The manager was, hey, I know you live right across the street. Why don't you go home and get lunch, come back for your second shift. I go, okay. While I went home for lunch, I played the answering machine. And it was the program director at the time going, alright, we're gonna give you a shot. You'll start next Monday.

[Birch Show Host]

Wow, what a lucky break.

[Birch Show Contributor]

I was all ready to just work at kroger, make a little bit of money, then just go back to Miami.

[Birch Show Host]

You know, now that you're telling that story, I'll relay this that when I left San Diego and I was going to dc and I'm telling my parents I'm going to dc, I told them I was going to be on the air and I was part of a big morning show out in Washington D.C. because I was trying to get their support for leaving San Diego. And I didn't even have a job really lined up when I was out there. Not I had a job at the station, but it was as a receptionist for the sales department. It wasn't even on the morning show. But I figured if I was in the building, I could make something happen and I could end up on the morning show. And I never even told my parents that when I left San Diego. Wow. Luckily I ended up on the morning show and we are where where we are today. But I mean, that could have failed absolutely miserably.

[Birch Show Contributor]

Dad discovered that lies when he stopped speaking to him.

[Birch Show Host]

That was the fourth time he stopped speaking. The Birch show.

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[Birch Show Co-Host]

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