The Bert Show: Vault – How Fast Did You Return Home After Moving Out?

Original Air Date: January 5, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast
Theme:
A humorous and honest exploration of “moving out” stories gone awry—how quickly did people return home after a bold, life-changing move? Listeners and hosts share tales that range from comically abrupt collegiate withdrawals to cross-country adventures that sent them running back to the comfort of home.

Episode Overview

In this lively episode of The Bert Show, the team dives into stories about making big moves—literally—and the sometimes surprising speed with which people end up back home. Prompted by a recent American Idol contestant’s quick return after a failed bid for stardom, callers and cast members recount their own rapid reversals, often with a dose of humility and lots of laughs. The episode unpacks the dreams, reality checks, homesickness, and ultimately, the lessons learned from “going for it”—even if it means coming right back.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Inspiration: Taking the Leap and QUICK Returns

• Prompt from Bert (Host):
  [01:32] "Janae Castine, 17 years old, makes a really bold decision with her mom that she's moving out to California [...] She loses and she's three months into being in California and now she's got to move back to Lawrenceville."
  • Kicks off the theme: “What is the quickest move home you ever made?”
  • Hosts and listeners are encouraged to share their ‘moving out, moving back’ tales.

2. Co-Host’s Sibling Story

• Unexpected Job Loss After Cross-Country Move:
  [02:24] Co-Host shares: “He got in the car and he drove across country...He got out there and they said, 'I know we offered you the job, but... we folded the job.' So he had to turn around and come back to Nashville.”
  • Highlights the risk of bold moves and unforeseen setbacks.
  • Emphasizes how tough it is to undo a big ‘leap’ after investing emotionally and physically.

3. Caller Stories: Fastest Returns

a) Suzanne – One Night at College

• [03:07] Suzanne: “I thought I was going to be really brave and go to Georgia Southern...got there, stayed there one night, couldn't stand the person I was going to be roommates with, and packed up and left the next day.”
  Memorable Comment:
  [03:30] “[Statesboro] wasn't really a happening place.”
  • Uprooted by discomfort, not distance.

b) Karista – Moved for Love, Returned in a Month

• [03:41] Karista: “Moved an hour and a half away for a guy I just met…came back in less than a month because I missed my daddy and I missed my job, and he came with me.”
  • Sometimes home wins—even love interests relocate back with you.

c) Reggie – Seattle’s “Drabness” Drives Him Back

• [05:23] Reggie: “Graduated from Georgia State and just decided I wanted to live in Seattle…Three weeks later, packed up everything and drove all the way back.”
  • Weather, vibe, and missing familiarity cited as key factors for turning back.

d) Amy – Shocking Roommate Reality

• [08:01] Amy: “I moved out to San Francisco to move in with a childhood friend...She lives in a roach-infested slum and turned out she was a call girl. I didn’t have any money to get back, so I bought a bus ticket and took the bus from San Francisco all the way back here to Atlanta.”
  • An example of how dream moves can unravel in unexpected—and unforgettable—ways.
  • Bert (Host): [08:44] “Oh, God, what a story you have to tell.”

4. Hosts Reflect on Personal Moves

• Host’s Take on Needing Time to Adjust:
  [06:20] Bert: “It's always taken me about a year to know if I really like a city or not. Because the first year you're just so sketched out, everything is a hassle because you don't know where anything is... you start thinking about home and everything is so easy back at the place you were from.”
  • The first months are always the hardest—“familiarity” plays a huge role in adjusting.
• The Painful First Night Away:
  [07:06] Bert: “I end up in a little town in New Mexico called Gallup...I remember lying in that hotel room in the dark, bawling. Because it was the first time in my life I really felt all alone.”
  • Candid confession about the emotional toll of leaving home.
• Persistence vs. Homesickness:
  [06:41] Co-Host: “The first night in a new place, in a new city is the worst night you'll ever spend in that city. And you gotta push through it.”

5. Reflection: Do You Really “Try” If You Leave Quickly?

• [05:58] Co-Host: “Do you ever know like, you've actually given it a try?...I don't even think, like, two weeks in Seattle, I don't think that's really given it a chance.”
• [06:41] Bert: “…first year you're just so sketched out…”
• Emphasizes the challenge of honestly judging a new experience too quickly; encourages pushing through the tough adjustment phase.

6. Fails, Fibs, & Lucky Breaks

• Almost-Gave-Up Moment in Atlanta:
  [08:55] Contributor: “I almost didn't make it in Atlanta…I got a job at Kroger for one day…While I went home for lunch, I played the answering machine. And it was the program director...‘You’ll start next Monday.’”
  • Reminds listeners how close we can be to turning around, and how fate sometimes intervenes.
• Host’s White Lie to Parents:
  [09:49] Bert: “I told [my parents] I was going to be on the air…and I didn't even have a job really lined up. I had a job at the station, but it was as a receptionist...But I figured if I was in the building, I could make something happen...”
  Contrib. (Humor): [10:24] “Dad discovered that lies when he stopped speaking to him.”
  • The power of boldness, a little bluffing, and risking it for dreams.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On failed moves:
  “It feels like four months. Feel like, you know, four days going out, four months coming on.” – Birch Show Contributor [03:00]
• On 'do you get a welcome home party?':
  "Do you get a welcome home party? I don't think so, no." – Bert (Host) [05:10]
• On emotional impact:
  “I remember lying in that hotel room in the dark, bawling. Because it was the first time in my life I really felt all alone.” – Bert (Host) [07:06]
• On homesickness:
  “I packed up everything and drove all the way back. So it's the same scene. Everybody threw a big party...Wasted. Two weeks driving and three weeks in Seattle.” – Reggie (Caller) [05:23]
• The moral:
  “You gotta try it.” – Bert (Host) [08:53]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:32] – Prompt: American Idol story & theme intro
• [02:24] – Co-host’s brother and the rescinded job offer
• [03:07] – Suzanne’s one-night college stand
• [03:41] – Karista moves for love and quickly returns
• [05:23] – Reggie’s rainy Seattle saga
• [06:20] – “It takes a year to adjust” discussion
• [07:06] – Bert’s Motel 6 “all alone” night
• [08:01] – Amy’s roommate shocker
• [08:55] – Contributor almost gave up in Atlanta
• [09:49] – Bert’s fib to his parents about job status

Tone and Takeaways

The Bert Show stays true to its brand—warm, funny, a little self-deprecating, and always real. This episode reminds listeners that chasing dreams often comes with bumpy landings, but there’s no shame in trying, failing, and sometimes quickly coming home again. It’s a collective reassurance that nobody is alone in feeling overwhelmed by change—and that sometimes the best stories come from the moves that didn’t go as planned.

If you’ve ever made a leap and ended up right back where you started, you’re in good company.