Vault: How Long Would You Wait for a Ring?

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: How Long Would You Wait for a Ring?"

Air date: July 8, 2026
Main Theme:
The episode focuses on a listener’s relationship dilemma—how long should you wait (or hope) for a marriage proposal when your partner seems non-committal or is stringing you along? The show explores relationship expectations, tough love advice, and the challenges of finding alignment in long-term relationships, especially when there's doubt about ever getting a ring.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Story: Melissa’s Dilemma

[01:30 – 10:50]

• Melissa (Caller) has been with her boyfriend for 2.5 years. He’s 43 and divorced with a 5-year-old daughter.
• Despite initially saying he’d never remarry, he later changed his tune, telling Melissa to “give him time” to get over his divorce before considering marriage.
• Legal restrictions from his divorce prevent cohabitation when his daughter is present unless they marry.
• Melissa feels increasingly used, as her boyfriend essentially lives at her place for convenience (closer to work), but doesn’t contribute to household bills or chores.

Notable Quote

“I’m kind of feeling almost used because he’s at my house all the time and lives at my house, but doesn’t want to actually live with me and help me in any sort of way… I’m not sure where we’re going here if there is anywhere to go.”
– Melissa (Caller) [05:02]

2. Hosts’ Analysis: Red Flags and Relationship “Stalemates”

[05:30 – 07:22]

• Host 2: Highlights that Melissa is “giving him everything” and doesn’t see any incentive for him to propose or become more invested.
• The hosts agree that, at his age and stage, “a 42-year-old man is not going to change”—implying Melissa is wasting time hoping for transformation.
• The show’s tone is candid and direct, with tough love interwoven throughout.

Notable Quote

“And you’re giving him everything that he wants… You’re taking care of him, you’re cooking for him. He’s not giving you any cash. Why would the dude marry you?”
– Host 1 [06:29]

3. Listener Call-Ins: Tough Love and Hard Truths

[07:22 – 10:13]

• Lindsay/Charlene (Caller): Emphasizes, “Men show you who they are and women want to fix things and we want to see what we want. He’s showing you right now he has one foot in and one foot out.” [07:27]
• The show supports Lindsay/Charlene’s message: don’t ignore the clear signs or try to “fix” someone who’s not on the same page.
• Charlene (Caller) adds: “You just became the parent of a 43-year-old man…”—a memorable, humorous, and painfully real line that the hosts immediately praise.

Notable Quote

“You just became the parent of a 43-year-old man who obviously recognizes that you’re a woman who needs to take care of yourself and him. But you need to find someone else who’ll appreciate it and help you. If he’s treating you this way now, can you imagine being married to him?”
– Charlene (Caller) [09:33]

4. Melissa’s Conflict: Fear of Being Alone vs. the Reality

[08:16 – 10:41]

• Melissa admits part of her reluctance to leave is “being scared to be single at 37, 38 years old.”
• The hosts forcefully argue that being alone for the right reasons is better than being with someone for the wrong ones.
• Even Melissa concedes: “He shows me who he is and I choose to ignore it.” [10:30]

Notable Quote

“There are so many people that are in bad relationships just because they’re so scared to be alone. Man, I’d rather be alone for the right reasons than with somebody for the wrong reasons.”
– Host 1 [10:16]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Melissa’s Frustration Peaks:
  “It pisses me off a little bit. Yeah. Am I allowed to say that? Sorry. Yeah, it feels a little used. Kinda, you know…your house, his house is, you know, two hours away from where he works. So my house is very convenient.”
  – Melissa, [05:54]
• Tough Love from Host 2:
  “And then if you’re gonna keep, keep, keep trying to change him. Lord, a 42 year old man. You’re not going to change.”
  – Host 2, [06:23]
• Charlene’s Zinger:
  “You just became the parent of a 43-year-old man…”
  – Charlene, [09:33]
• Melissa’s Realization:
  “He shows me who he is and I choose to ignore it.”
  – Melissa, [10:30]

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Segment Timestamps

• Call from Melissa and Relationship Setup: [01:30 – 03:32]
• Marriage Reluctance, Legal/Parental Complications: [03:32 – 04:27]
• Feeling Used & Living Arrangement Grievances: [05:02 – 06:09]
• Hosts’ Tough Love & Audience Callers Weigh In: [06:23 – 10:13]
• Closing Reflections & Advice: [10:13 – 10:50]

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Tone & Takeaways

The Bert Show delivers frank, relatable, and often funny advice, centering on the importance of self-respect and not settling for an unbalanced relationship. The panel and callers stress that people generally show you who they are—believe them. Melissa is encouraged to value herself, stop hoping for change, and face her fear of being alone for the chance of something better.

Key takeaways:

• Don’t ignore red flags in hope of change—partners are who they show you they are.
• Convenience can mask deeper commitment issues.
• Fear of being alone leads many to settle; acknowledging this fear is the first step to change.
• Financial and emotional reciprocity is critical in committed relationships.

In the words of a caller:

“Congratulations. Honey, it’s a boy. You just became the parent of a 43-year-old man…”
– Charlene [09:33]

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This episode of The Bert Show provides a dose of reality—with empathy, wit, and a no-nonsense attitude—about knowing your worth and the dangers of waiting for a ring that isn’t coming.

Transcript

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[Co-host 1]

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[Caller Melissa]

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[Host 1]

The Bird show let's get Chelsea on here because I think at the, at the root of her email to us is she's frustrated because she's not entirely buying. Like she's just getting, I think, a little impatient with the dude she's seeing right now. Like she's ready to move on and get to the next level and she's not entirely believing or feeling that her boyfriend is on the up and up in the relationship. Okay, did I get that right, Chelsea?

[Caller Melissa]

Oh, that's exactly right. Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

And how long, how long have you two been together?

[Caller Melissa]

First of all, been about two and a half years. I mean, the situation is kind of, you know, it's been two and a half years. He's been divorced for two, Separated for two. So he's been, you know, single for about four and a half years now. And he's just. It's always, always one excuse after another. And I'm at the point now where I'm just trying to figure out if, you know, am I wasting my time or do I need to continue and hope that he changed his mind about marriage.

[Host 1]

All right, how old is this dude?

[Caller Melissa]

He is 43.

[Host 1]

And you said you're hoping he changes his mind about marriage. What is his attitude now? Okay. And he don't want to go through

[Caller Melissa]

that again, I guess. You know? I guess. But who knows? You know, it could happen. It could happen. It could be a perfect relationship.

[Co-host 2]

Have you two had discussions about marriage or your future plans?

[Caller Melissa]

Oh, yeah. I mean, in the beginning of the relationship, he was absolutely, no, you know, he cannot get married again. That's not gonna happen. And then he kind of moved in with me. Now he has his own house, but he kind of moved into my house with me. Okay, now when I say move in with me, I mean he just stays there all the time.

[Host 1]

Where's the miscommunication here? I mean, he told you straight from the, from the jump that I don't want to get married. So he's moved in with you, but it's still under the premise that, look, we could spend the rest of our lives together. I just want to let you know I'm never getting married again.

[Caller Melissa]

Well, no, because then he changed his mind. Then he realized, you know, got later on into the relationship and he realized that, you know, I want to get married.

[Host 2]

He said that.

[Caller Melissa]

And he said, he said, you can do that. He says, I just need a little bit of time to, you know, I guess get over the shock of the divorce, the jadedness from the divorce, whatever, you know, and I feel like, how much time does he need?

[Co-host 2]

How long ago did he say that,

[Caller Melissa]

you know, this was probably. We had this conversation a year ago.

[Host 1]

So that's a year and a half now that he said that, he's still trying to get over the divorce.

[Caller Melissa]

Well, and my thing is, is that, you know, he has a daughter and because of his divorce can do. There's no cohabitation, so he can't actually live with me.

[Host 1]

Alright, so within the papers with his wife, it's somewhere in there, says that he's not allowed to live with a woman if the child is in the

[Caller Melissa]

house as well, if they're not married. Yes, correct. You have to be married for the child, for the child to spend the night with him.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

How old is this daughter?

[Caller Melissa]

She's five.

[Host 2]

Oh, okay.

[Caller Melissa]

Because I understand that. I understand that I would. If the roles were reversed, I would feel the same way.

[Host 2]

Well, well, the only reason, I mean, that's a little young, though. But I've known friends, parents who, I mean, hate to tell you, but would not get remarried until their children were older for some reason and some never did, you know?

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah, but he's not that kind of dad. I mean, he's just. He's an every other weekend kind of dad. And it's not, you know, he's not dedicated to the child like that.

[Host 1]

So is every. Outside of this issue, which is a big one for you, you know, being married, is everything else in the relationship just fine?

[Caller Melissa]

Well, no, because. Well, I mean. Okay. Yeah, well, we get along great. We have a wonderful relationship. I think my problem here at this point is I'm kind of feeling almost used because he's at my house all the time and lives at my house, but doesn't want to actually live with me and help me in any sort of way. And I just. And he doesn't want to get married. So I'm just kind of feeling like, you know, I'm not sure where we're going here if, if there is anywhere to go.

[Host 1]

404-741-Q100 I mean, I can understand where

[Host 2]

you're coming from if you feel like he's not as invested in the relationship as you are, but it, I mean, it's going to be up to you on whether you can put up with that or not. Because, I mean, if you feel like he's dragging you along, if you feel he's not 100% invested, you know, and that you just said he. So he comes to your house, but he doesn't, he doesn't contribute to the house. Is that what makes you mad? Is that he's there all the time?

[Caller Melissa]

It pisses me off a little bit. Yeah. Am I allowed to say that? Sorry. Yeah, it feels a little used. Kinda, you know, like, you know, you're here all the time. Your house, his house is, you know, two hours away from where he works. So my house is very convenient.

[Host 2]

If he was 24 years old, I'd get it. If he was 24 years old and he doesn't, you know, and he's just kind of getting. But he's been married before. He's 42, he's a grown man. And I feel like he, even more so than a younger man is Showing you what he's about, you know, and

[Caller Melissa]

I'm not getting it.

[Host 2]

And then if you're gonna keep, keep, keep trying to change him. Lord, a 42 year old man. You're not going to change.

[Host 1]

And you're giving him everything that he wants. You're giving him everything he's giving you. You're giving him the house, you're taking care of him, you're cooking for him. He's not giving you any cash. Why would the dude marry you?

[Host 2]

And you are young. You're not a 20 something year old woman, I'm assuming, no offense.

[Caller Melissa]

No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm late 30s.

[Host 2]

Yeah, so you're too. You're too old to be playing these games too.

[Caller Melissa]

I think I do too. That's the way I feel. But for some reason.

[Host 2]

Stop it.

[Caller Melissa]

It's hard to date. It is hard to be single in Atlanta.

[Host 2]

And you're settling.

[Host 1]

It also sounds like it's hard to live with the same guy and not be on the same page as far as marriage goes.

[Caller Melissa]

Exactly. That's my problem. I need help, you know? You know, and it would be different too. I would even be willing to live with him if he was willing to, you know, split the bills with me. If we lived together, if we were invested in a home together, as opposed to him just staying with me.

[Co-host 2]

But he has his own house and his own bills, right?

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah, but he doesn't stay there.

[Host 1]

Hold on one sec. Let's get Lindsay on here. She's got an opinion on the whole thing. Hey, Lindsay, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Lindsay/Charlene]

Hey, I think this is the perfect example of men show you who they are and women want to fix things and we want to see what we want. He's showing you right now he has one foot in and one foot out. He told you from the beginning what he wanted and you went into it thinking, I'm sure. Oh, I can fix it. Time will change it. Men show you who they are. This is who he is. Let it go.

[Caller Melissa]

Oh, my God. Yeah, I know.

[Host 1]

You're just scared to be. You're scared to be single at 37, 38 years old.

[Caller Melissa]

Yeah, I mean, I don't want to be. And I love him. I just. I just. And I know I can't change it, but like I said, he strings me along when he knows that I've about had enough and that what I want is more important, that he starts to tell me things that, you know, well, just a little bit longer, you know, and it just. He strings me along and I see it.

[Host 1]

Melissa's getting so frustrated.

[Host 2]

I'm so frustrated for so much.

[Co-host 1]

Melissa's actually physically holding her head in her hand.

[Host 2]

I'm frustrated for so many reasons, because. One, because it's this idea for women. I'm so afraid to be alone. And especially at 38, I'm going to settle even more. And you want to. Okay. And there's so many things like you. You'd rather call. No, hold on. You'd rather call a radio station. I mean, you'd rather call a radio station than actually talk to your man? Because when you said, I'd wish he'd pay half the bills. Have you said that to him?

[Caller Melissa]

Oh, yeah. Well, I didn't ask. No, I didn't ask him to pay half the bills. I said, you know, since you're here 28 days out of the month, why

[Caller Lindsay/Charlene]

don't you contribute to a water bill?

[Caller Melissa]

Or. We had an issue with.

[Host 2]

Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I don't want to know about the issue with the plumbing. I just think that, I mean, the way you started that sentence. I mean, if the way you started that sentence made him feel guilty, like, I mean, you're making him. Look, look, I don't know. I just. The way you're communicating with him. Why would he say yes if you're making him feel like he owes you anyway?

[Caller Melissa]

And.

[Host 2]

And if you want to be with a man who's not involved with his daughter, like, even that part offends me. Like, he's kind of like, well, he's not that invested in his daughter, you know? You want to be with a man like that.

[Caller Melissa]

I know, I know.

[Host 2]

No, you don't. You're too old.

[Host 1]

You wanted tough love.

[Host 2]

You're too old to do this.

[Host 1]

You wanted tough love.

[Host 2]

You're not 21.

[Host 1]

Here is Charlene. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller Lindsay/Charlene]

Good morning. I just wanted to tell you congratulations. Honey, it's a boy. Okay. You just became the parent of a 43 year old man who obviously recognizes that you're a woman who needs to take care of yourself and him. But you need to find someone else who appreciate it and help you. If he's treating you this way now, can you imagine being married to him? You would be stuck doing everything. I just don't think that's fair. And the way you sound. You sound like a nice person. You can just do so much better.

[Host 1]

Everybody's calling up saying the exact same thing.

[Co-host 1]

I think that's the best line we have ever had on the show. You just became the parent of a 42 year old man.

[Caller Melissa]

That's true. It's true. Yeah. I needed the tough love.

[Host 1]

Follow your instincts on this thing, man. Don't be scared. Like, there are so many people that are in bad relationships just because they're so scared to be alone. Man, I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than with somebody for the wrong reasons.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Caller Melissa]

I just don't want to lose because, you know, I mean, really, aside from the. I don't know, it's a confusing situation for me because I see the badness in it. He shows me who he is and I choose to ignore it.

[Host 2]

Yeah, you just said it. So if you go further with this, then it's your own fault.

[Co-host 2]

It's my future in 15 years.

[Caller Lindsay/Charlene]

Great.

[Co-host 1]

Get it.

[Host 1]

The bird show.

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