Vault: How Long Would You Wait to Catch a Cheater?

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: How Long Would You Wait to Catch a Cheater?"

Date: March 24, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Cast

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Main Theme / Purpose

This episode explores the intense psychological experience of living with a secret—especially the secret of a spouse or partner cheating or, in some cases, being involved in more serious wrongdoing. The team dives into real stories from listeners who've waited for the "right moment" to confront infidelity, gathering evidence while maintaining seemingly normal relationships. The show examines why people choose to wait, the emotional toll, and the mechanics of balancing public deception with private knowledge.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kicking Off With a Real-life Crime Story

• [01:13 - 02:43]
  • The episode opens with a shocking story: Edward Graziano tried to hire a hitman to kill his estranged wife, Deborah, even while they potentially lived under the same roof.
  • Host: “She is walking into the house every single day with this guy... She knows that her husband... wants to have her killed. And she is not allowed to say a word because... she’s going to end up busting her husband.”
  • Sets up the episode's central question: How do you live with the knowledge of a betrayal or a crime, biding your time for the sake of a bigger goal?

2. Living With Cheating Secrets

• [02:43 - 04:41]

  • The conversation quickly transitions to less extreme, but still painful domestic dramas—namely, living with a partner you know is cheating, while keeping up appearances and collecting proof.

  • Discussion about the "discipline" and emotional burden this requires.

  • Reference to pop culture: Christina Milian discovered Nick Cannon's cheating but waited to confront him.

    “She knew that he was screwing around on her, but she didn't want to break up... while she was in Europe. So... she was living in the relationship with that secret.”
    —Host ([04:22])

3. Caller Stories: Listeners Waiting to Drop Bombshells

• Amy’s Story ([05:01 - 08:59])

  • Amy calls in using voice disguiser.

    • Married for years, but knows her husband has been cheating and traveling with other women for 5 years.

    • Compiled files of evidence, waiting for her son to go to college before confronting her husband.

    • Hasn’t been intimate with her husband in 5 years and plans to leave the marriage soon.

    • Insight into the financial and emotional reasons behind her wait.

      “I have compiled a whole file of emails, love letters, copies of airline tickets, hotel reservations. And my day is going to come very soon, and I’m going to nail his ass.”
      —Amy ([05:22])

      “I just decided at that point I would sit back and raise my child and give him the best possible life I could.”
      —Amy ([06:02])

    • Touches on the complexities—husband uses travel/affairs to stroke his ego, but sexual dysfunction is also a factor.

      “Guys, they need these women to stroke their egos, you know?”
      —Amy ([07:45])

    • The hosts joke supportively about Amy having a "cougar on fire" era when she’s free.

• Casey’s Story ([10:22 - 11:50])

  • Casey reveals discovering in her second year of marriage that her husband was gay and involved with his boss.

  • She secretly collected evidence for about a year before confronting him.

  • Post-divorce, he remarried (a woman), while she eventually married a woman herself.

    “The really ironic thing about our situation is after we divorced, he went on and married another woman and continued seeing men. And I actually also ended up marrying a woman.”
    —Casey ([11:29])

• Mary’s Story ([12:13 - 13:13])

  • Mary shares her mother’s experience: after hiring a private investigator, her mother discovered her husband was cheating with two women from their church.

  • Mary’s mom secretly gathered evidence for three months before confronting and, ultimately, divorcing him.

    “She didn’t tell anyone... until she was ready to break the news to their husbands.”
    —Mary ([12:35])

4. Impact of Living With Secrets

• [11:50 - 12:13]

  • Hosts reflect on the emotional and ethical burden of harboring a secret—how it leads to anger, self-doubt, and sometimes resignation.

    “At first I think you get mad... but over time, it’s got to weigh on you... it beats you down and makes you start feeling bad about yourself, you know, and it just is not worth it.”
    —Co-host ([11:59])

5. Sexless Marriages: Assumptions and Realities

• [09:20 - 10:22]

  • The crew discusses at what point partners in a sexless marriage might reasonably assume the other is cheating, noting unique circumstances (post-childbirth, medical, etc.).

  • Playful but pointed exchanges about boundaries and expectations in long-term relationships.

    “You just have to assume after the eight week mark, the 12 week mark, the six month mark, he's having sex with somebody else...”
    —Host ([09:37])

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Host: “She is walking into the house every single day with this guy that she’s got the big secret. She knows that her husband... wants to have her killed.” ([02:43])
• Amy (Caller): “He has no idea that I know... and I have compiled a whole file of emails, love letters, copies of airline tickets, hotel reservations. And my day is going to come very soon, and I’m going to nail his ass.” ([05:22])
• Amy (Caller): “I turn 50 and I am hitting the road.” ([08:33])
• Casey (Caller): “I found out he was gay and having an affair with his boss... But the really ironic thing... after we divorced, he went on and married another woman and continued seeing men. And I actually also ended up marrying a woman.” ([10:41], [11:29])
• Mary (Caller): “My mom hired a private investigator... And he was having an affair with two women at our church... She didn’t tell anyone... until she was ready to break the news to their husbands.” ([12:19], [12:35])
• Co-host: “You gave up the right to touch me when you touch somebody else.” ([13:10])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Summary | |------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 01:13 | Introduction to hitman story and theme of the show | | 05:01 | Amy’s voice-disguised call: five years of silent waiting| | 06:02 | Amy explains her reasons for staying | | 08:33 | “Cougar on fire” banter | | 10:22 | Casey’s voice-disguised call: marriage, secret, twist | | 11:29 | Casey reveals both she and her ex ended up with women | | 12:13 | Mary’s story: PI, cheating dad, and mom’s secret | | 13:10 | Co-hosts debate cheating/intimacy boundaries |

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Overall Tone and Style

The show blends real emotion with humor, empathy, and candidness. The hosts are supportive, sometimes teasing, but always approach sensitive topics with a mixture of seriousness and levity that makes the discussion approachable.

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Conclusion

Through personal calls and lively discussion, this Bert Show episode digs deep into the reasons people live with painful secrets—highlighting the resilience, self-sacrifice, and sometimes the strategic planning involved in waiting for the right time to confront betrayal. The episode is a compelling mix of soap opera twists and real-life psychology, making for engaging listening even for those who haven’t experienced it firsthand.

Transcript

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[Show Host/Producer]

this is the Birch Show.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Jen had a story that I immediately targeted as a fascinating example of discipline.

[Co-host (female)]

Okay.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

That I want to. I'm not sure we're gonna get any calls on it or not.

[Co-host (male)]

I bet you were talking about on the husband's side first. And I'm like, huh?

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's really. It was the wife's side more than the husband here.

[Co-host (male)]

Okay.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah.

[Co-host (male)]

It's a really strange story. Do you remember the kid, John Graziano? He was the one who was the passenger in Nick Hogan's car when they crashed back. Now, he has since been in the hospital and basically a vegetative state since then, but his parents are Edward and Deborah. Well, Edward Graziano, the father, was arrested yesterday for attempting to hire a hitman to kill his estranged wife, Deborah. Apparently, right after the accident, they tried to put on this united front, but their marriage was already in a pretty bad state. And police are now saying that he held multiple meetings with an undercover cop posing as a go between to a hitman. He paid the guy $1,100 in cash, another $1,100 in a personal check, plus a $13 gift card to a place called West Shore Pizza. Bizarre. But that's what he paid him with. And then police say he wanted his wife's murder to look like a car accident. And this has been going on since December. Now, that's when police informed Deborah of the investigation. So she's been having to live since December without telling him he's being investigated for killing or wanting to kill her. Or hiring a hitman to kill her.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Okay. And that's what I want to focus on right there. Now, Jen was assuming earlier this morning that they were living separately when she got this information.

[Co-host (male)]

They call her the estranged wife. So I assume that means that they've been separated or living separately, but they could have been living in the same house. It doesn't say.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

For my question, for our discussion purposes, let's assume they were living together. Okay? So she is walking into the house every single day with this guy that she's got the big secret. She knows that her husband, the guy she's sleeping next to every night, wants to have her killed. And she is not allowed to say a word because at the end of the day, the big picture is she's going to end up busting her husband. So I want to ask a similar question to anybody listening right now. And I'm not sure we'll get any calls on it. 404,741-Q100. Who is living with this? Same kind of secret, like you're living in the same house as him or her, but you know that, for instance, he's cheating, or maybe she's cheating, but you're just compiling the data right now before the divorce could be one scenario.

[Co-host (female)]

Gathering information, and you're having to really just kind of, I don't know, be patient, live with it. Yeah.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

The most painful secret, and she thinks that she's hiding it, or he thinks he's hiding it, but, you know, and you have to see them every day and you have to put on this act. I can't think of a worse scenario than the one that you came up than this real life one.

[Co-host (female)]

Trying to kill somebody.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Yeah.

[Co-host (male)]

I mean, she knew he was hiring a hitman to kill her and make it look like a car accident, which her son suffered and is in the hospital. You know what I'm saying? I mean, it's just. It's. Yeah, that's.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

If you remember when we had.

[Co-host (male)]

Is that ironic? I don't know.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

You remember when we had Christina Milian in studio? I remember. And she told us that she knew that Nick Cannon was cheating on her, but she was in Europe and he was here, but she had hacked his MySpace page or whatever his email was.

[Co-host (male)]

His sidekick.

[Caller]

Right.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Was it a sidekick? And she knew that he was screwing around on her, but she didn't want to break up with him. But while she was in Europe. So he's picking up the phone and he's calling her and I miss you,

[Co-host (female)]

and all these things.

[Co-host (male)]

I love you.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

And she was living in the relationship with that secret. And so she got home and then she absolutely let him have it there.

[Co-host (male)]

You could be trying to hold out and save money until you can leave,

[Co-host (female)]

too, with your secret bank account, or

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

it would be the other way around. So you would know that he's. Or that she is accumulating all of this money to take off, you know, her secret, but you're living with it every day. Amy wants to be on the Voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[Caller]

Good morning. How are you guys?

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Good. How are you?

[Caller]

Good. Well, again, like everybody else that calls in, let me just say I love your show. Thank you.

[Co-host (female)]

Thank you.

[Caller]

You're welcome. I am married to, of course, a man that he's been traveling around the world with two different women for the last five years.

[Co-host (male)]

5.

[Caller]

He has no idea that I know. And I have compiled a whole file of emails, love letters, copies of airline tickets, hotel reservations. And my day is going to come very soon, and I'm going to nail his ass.

[Co-host (female)]

How long have you known?

[Caller]

I have known for almost five years, almost from the very beginning.

[Co-host (female)]

So there's got to be a statute of limitations or something on knowledge, because there's a part of me that is. Is kind of, I don't know, curious about why you waited this long.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Yeah. Why have you stayed in the relationship if you already have all this info over five years?

[Caller]

Well, you know what? You know, and everybody's situation is different, and everybody's motives are different. By the time I married my husband, I had already made a couple really poor choices. Obviously, I made another one. I was raising a child, and my son and my husband are actually very, very close. And I had just decided at that point I would sit back and raise my child and give him the best possible life I could. And he is now getting ready to head to college.

[Co-host (female)]

Okay.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

As soon as he's out of the house, then you're going to drop the bomb.

[Co-host (female)]

So happens a lot.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

So he comes back from these trips with these other women, comes home, wants to make love to you, even though you know that he's been with these women just a couple of days before.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Co-host (male)]

And do you do it?

[Caller]

No.

[Co-host (male)]

So how do you get out of it?

You guys haven't been intimate in five years?

[Caller]

That's correct.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Oh, wow.

[Co-host (male)]

That's a long time. Yeah.

[Caller]

He knows, you know, but there's more to the story. But wait, there's always more to the story.

[Co-host (male)]

Hold on a second.

I hope it's good.

[Caller]

What I know. And of course, you Know the world doesn't know. It's arm candy for him. And because of some other issues, sex is not what motivates him because he's not able to do that.

[Co-host (male)]

Is his pee pee broken?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Have we had you on before?

[Caller]

No.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Okay, that seems like a familiar story. So his might be your story.

[Caller]

I used to think maybe I was the only one, but the more people you talk to and the older I get, there's a lot of us out here.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

So he's.

[Caller]

Guys. They need these women to stroke their egos, you know?

[Co-host (male)]

Is he wealthy? Is that why the women are with him?

[Caller]

He's very comfortable, so he spends money on them, provides them, you know, for them. They don't have to do anything. They just get to go on these fabulous trips.

[Co-host (female)]

So it doesn't work for anybody. No, he. That's not his excuse for you.

[Caller]

Yeah, that's not it.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Even. Even with all the. The Viagra and the Cialis and all that stuff, none of it worked.

[Caller]

None of it worked.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Ooh, that's a bummer.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Wow. Okay.

[Caller]

Well, no, it doesn't, but, you know, whatever.

[Co-host (female)]

Oh, my gosh.

[Co-host (male)]

When your son goes to college and you get out of this marriage, you are gonna be a cougar on fire.

[Caller or Guest]

I will not graduate at the same time.

[Caller]

I turn 50 and I am hitting the road.

[Co-host (male)]

Get it?

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Oh, my God. So you haven't had sex with anybody in five years? Or do you have your own relations?

[Caller]

No, I have not stepped out of my marriage at all.

[Co-host (male)]

Wow, that's a long time.

I totally want to form a band right now and call it Cougar on Fire.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Well, you've got your lead singer right

[Co-host (male)]

here, Cougar on Fire.

[Caller]

Thank you for calling in, taking resumes here very shortly, no doubt.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Thank you.

[Co-host (female)]

I suggest that you not check out our Men Madness bracket, because that might make you move a little faster than you intend to.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Talk a little bit about this. Maybe we can get into it later. There's got to be some kind of assumed time that goes by where you just both in the relationship assume that you're screwing around on each other if you're not having sex.

[Co-host (female)]

We talked about this because sexless marriage statistics have been coming out, it seems like, for the past few weeks. And we talked about how if you're in a sexless marriage, then you assume that. Because we got an email from someone who just knows that she and her husband have decided it's okay that they not have sex. It's like, are you sure he's not out having Sex.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

So at one point. Because he's out having sex. So at one point, and I don't know what that point is, it's probably different with everybody. You just have to assume after the eight week mark, the 12 week mark, the six month mark, he's having sex with somebody else and he's got to assume you're having sex with somebody else.

[Co-host (male)]

Well, I think it would be assumed at the point he comes to you and says, yeah, I just don't want to have sex anymore.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Yeah, that's not already having sex with somebody else when he says that.

[Co-host (male)]

Yes, a guy declares that I don't want to do it anymore.

Yeah, well, I mean, I would say, you know, extenuating circumstances. After women have babies, isn't there certain, you know, periods of time where you're not allowed? I mean, there's things like that, but other than a special scenario like that, if you just stop, then. Then you're just roommates.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Here's Casey. That's what she's calling herself. She's on the voice disguiser. Go ahead, Casey.

[Caller]

Hi. I'm not sure if you're still on the same topic. I was talking about knowing the secret of your partner.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

We are, we're never quite sure either. But yeah, I think we still,

[Co-host (female)]

we adapt.

[Caller]

The second year of my marriage to my husband, I found out he was gay and having an affair with his boss. And so I started tracking his actions, emails and phone calls. It got kind of humorous. I mean, it was, you know, the typical stuff. He'd call from one place and I knew full well, you know, he was sitting in a restaurant across the way because I could see him.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Oh, wow.

[Caller]

But, you know, I started tracking it because of course I thought, oh, you know, when I get divorced, I need ammunition. And then I went through a period of trying to fix it and almost as funny as not fixing it. But the really ironic thing about our situation is after we divorced, he went on and married another woman and continued seeing men. And I actually also ended up marrying a woman.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Whoa.

[Caller]

Oh, really?

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Well, there's an interesting twist.

[Co-host (female)]

Wow. Okay.

[Show Host/Producer]

Wow.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

How long were you in that relationship where you knew what was going on and didn't say anything?

[Caller]

About a year, I didn't say anything. And then I deliberately caught him so that he would know.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

I just don't have that gear. I just couldn't sit there with that secret and not say anything because you'd just be a giant ass for five years and they wouldn't be able to figure out why.

[Co-host (female)]

Well, at first I Think you get mad, you know, and then you. And you have all these plans that you're going to do, but over time, it's got to weigh on you to where all of a sudden you. It beats you down and it makes you start feeling bad about yourself, you know, and it just is not worth. It's just not worth it.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Mary, what secret does he think that he's keeping from you that you know and you're living with it?

[Caller or Guest]

I have my mom with me. And my mom hired a private investigator to find around her husband for three months. And he was having an affair with two women at our church.

[Show Host/Producer]

Whoa.

[Co-host (female)]

Oh.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

And every day he'd come home. And your mom knew that info and she lived with it?

[Caller or Guest]

Oh, yes. She didn't tell anyone. She didn't tell me until she was ready to break the news to their husbands.

[Commercial Announcer]

And what, was she just waiting?

[Co-host (male)]

Was she saving up money or something or.

[Caller or Guest]

Oh, no, no, no. She wanted evidence.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

And how long did that go on for?

[Caller or Guest]

3 months. And then the divorce lasted over a year.

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

So he's walking in the house after having these affairs and she's living with that.

[Caller or Guest]

Oh, yeah, he was. Oh, yeah. They. They stayed intimate.

[Co-host (male)]

Oh, no way.

[Co-host (female)]

Oh, hell no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Co-host (male)]

You.

[Co-host (female)]

You gave up the right to touch me when you touch somebody else.

[Co-host (male)]

10 and Melissa just came out.

[Co-host (female)]

Do I.

[Co-host (male)]

10 and Melissa Tennessee Melissa?

[Host (possibly the main male host)]

Oh, hell no.

[Co-host (male)]

Hell no. Hell no.

[Show Host/Producer]

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