Vault: How Old Is Too Old To Wear Costumes?

Summary

The Bert Show Vault Episode: "How Old Is Too Old To Wear Costumes?"

Date: February 25, 2026
Hosts: The Bert Show Cast

---

Overview

This episode delves into a playful yet relatable parenting dilemma: At what age is it "too old" for kids to routinely wear costumes outside of Halloween? Bert shares concerns about his son Hayden’s daily Peter Pan costume phase, sparking a vibrant debate among the hosts and listeners about letting kids embrace their imaginations versus preparing them for social norms.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Parental Dilemma: Costume Phase Longevity

• Bert (Parent Host) opens up, explaining his son Hayden’s Peter Pan obsession and how he wears the costume daily (02:00-03:18).
  • Bert finds it “adorable” but admits, “At five, costume every day feels acceptable… At six, I'm getting a little nervous. Like people are gonna start making fun of him and stuff if he wears it every single day.” (04:00-04:18)
• Concern: Is there a right time for parents to step in and guide kids out of “costume phases,” or should they ride it out?

Social Acceptance: Kindergarten vs. First Grade

• The co-hosts agree that young children in costumes are “so cute,” but the transition from kindergarten to first grade feels like a significant social line.
  • Co-host: "To me, it's not the number six. It's like, a first grader. Like, okay, now you're in big boy all day school. Like, first grade sounds a lot more mature…" (04:55-05:14)
• Maturity Markers: Changing expectations between kindergarten (casual, snack-filled, carefree) and first grade (more formal, expected maturity).
  • Co-host (jokingly): "You can drink, you can have sex — you're in first grade now." (05:14)

Parenting Philosophies: Letting Kids Be Kids

• Bert’s partner Stacy’s philosophy: “Kids are kids, man. When he's out of the phase, he'll be out of the phase. Let him be a kid for as long as he wants to be a kid.” (05:30)
• The cast leans toward letting children sort out of these phases naturally rather than imposing arbitrary limits.

Navigating “The Talk”

• Bert wrestles with the potential awkwardness of a sit-down: “It just sounds ridiculous to me to have to sit down your kid and say, 'Look, you're too old to wear the costume now.' There's something that's so pure about him wanting to wear that every day.” (06:05)

Listener Calls & Creative Solutions

• Lisa (Caller): Offers real-life experience — her son, also with a September birthday, stopped wearing costumes naturally after kindergarten. "He's fine as long as he's still in kindergarten... First grade, the whole nother ball game, but he's still fine." (07:15)
• The co-hosts propose tongue-in-cheek “solutions”:
  • Pour bleach on the costume “by accident” (07:48)
  • Create a superhero “secret identity” rule for school (08:11)
  • Use a BB gun as “negative reinforcement” — intentionally outrageous (08:25)
    • Co-host: “What if I got a low-power BB gun and every time I see him in public you tell me where he’s going and I just shoot him?” (08:25)
    • Laughter and escalation to satirical “shotgun” jokes underline that these are not serious suggestions.

The Importance of Play

• Despite jokes, the clear takeaway is echoed by a second caller:
  • Lynn (Caller): "He's just fine. Just let him be his little person that he's being… let him wear a costume every single day." (08:00-08:06)
• The segment concludes with hosts recognizing the harmlessness and fleeting nature of such phases.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert: "At five, costume every day feels acceptable… At six, I’m getting a little nervous.” (04:00)
• Co-host: “That’s why I go on vacation so far away from everyone I know. I just like to walk around all of Montreal dressed like Spider-Man.” (02:50)
• Bert: "And don’t come up to [Hayden] and say, ‘Oh, that is the cutest Robin Hood costume I’ve ever seen.’ Nothing will piss off a five year old like confusing Robin Hood for Peter Pan.” (03:19-03:31)
• Co-host (satirical): "If you roll up a paper and knock him on the nose with it, then he'll know." (09:16)
• Co-host: "Just rub his face in the Peter Pan costume." (09:20)
• Bert: “Just so you guys know that in the confines of my own home at 7:30 every night, I am dressed up as Captain Hook. And we are dueling every night.” (07:04)

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• [02:00] – Bert introduces the parenting dilemma about costumes.
• [03:19] – The Peter Pan vs. Robin Hood costume mix-up anecdote.
• [04:00] – The age/schooling transition and growing parental concern.
• [05:30] – Stacy’s philosophy: let kids be kids.
• [07:15] – Listener Lisa calls in with personal experience.
• [08:00] – Listener Lynn calls in, encourages freedom for kids.
• [08:25-09:22] – Creative, satirical punishment ideas and group riffing.

---

Conclusion

The episode blends real parenting anxieties with The Bert Show’s trademark humor. The hosts and listeners ultimately advocate for letting children express themselves through costumes as long as possible, recognizing that these phases are short-lived and mostly harmless. The segment reassures parents: let kids have their fun, embrace their quirks, and don't rush them out of childhood magic.

---

Transcript

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Five years ago, I was paying $65 a month for my subscriptions. Today, those Same subscriptions cost $111, and I don't even use half of them anymore. That's why now I use Rocket Money to manage my subscriptions for me. The app gives you a list of all your subscriptions and reminds you of upcoming payments so you're not hit with any surprise charges. On top of that, it also sends you alerts when subscription prices go up, so you always know the price you're paying. If you decide you no longer want a subscription, you can cancel it right from the app. No customer service needed. And the best part is, Rocket Money even reaches out and tries to get you refunded for some of the money you lost. On average, people that cancel their subscriptions with rocket money save $378 a year. And overall, Rocket Money has saved its members $880 million in canceled subscriptions. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Go to rocketmoney.com cancel to get started. That's rocketmoney.com cancel rocketmoney.com cancel

[Traveler]

we're lost. I'm going to pull over and ask that man for directions.

[Parent Host]

Hi there.

[Traveler]

We're looking to get to the campground.

[T Mobile Representative]

Well, you're going to take a left at the old oak tree end of this here road. No, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

[Traveler]

How are you getting a signal out here?

[T Mobile Representative]

T Mobile and US Cellular decided to merge. So the network out here is huge. We're getting the same great signal as the city and saving a boatload with all the benefits. Oh, and a five year price guarantee. Okay, here's those directions.

[Traveler]

Actually, can you point us in the direction of a T Mobile store?

[T Mobile Advertiser]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores.

[T Mobile Advertiser Voiceover]

Best mobile network Based on analysis by Oogle of Speedtest Intelligence data 2H2025 bigger network. The combination of T Mobile's and US Cellular's network footprints will enhance the T mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. CT T mobile.com for details.

[Parent Host]

The Bird show this is for the Birch Show. Parenting community. Help me out with something here just for a second because I'm not exactly sure where to go with it and Stacy and I are don't see it eye to eye. You know how, you know how like Sometimes you're walking around a mall, you're in a restaurant or something, and there's a kid that is dressed in a costume and it's really cute. You know, like for girls, it's like generally not in October.

[Co-host]

Like random times.

[Parent Host]

Yeah, random times. I mean, kids go through these phases, I guess when they're like 3, 4, 5 years old or whatever where they're just. You can't get them out of their costume. It's the cutest thing to see, right?

[Co-host]

Yeah, it's so cute.

[Parent Host]

Little four year old Superman.

[Co-host]

I saw Spidey at like, I forgot where I was shopping the other day, but little Spidey jumped out of the van with his mom.

[Parent Host]

So cute, man.

[Co-host]

Little princesses in the Disney store.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

It's fun.

[Parent Host]

Do you wish you could get away with that as an adult?

[Co-host]

Yes.

[Parent Host]

Just dress up the same costume every single day.

[Co-host]

That's why I go on vacation so far away from everyone I know. I just like to walk around. I walk around all of Montreal dressed like Spider Man.

[Parent Host]

Well, some of these kids, mine included, they get into this routine where you can't get them out of their costume. I mean, it is like every day for weeks, if not months, you know? And Hayden's is. Is Peter Pan.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Parent Host]

Loves his Peter Pan costume. Okay. And don't come up to him and say, oh, that is the cutest Robin Hood costume I've ever seen. Nothing will piss off a five year old like, confusing.

[Co-host]

What's he say?

[Parent Host]

Robin Hood for Peter Pan. He'll say, I'm Peter Pan.

[Co-host]

Can you bring him in here dressed up so I can call him Robin Hood?

[Parent Host]

No, you're not gonna taunt my child. The funny thing is the only difference in the costumes is the color of the hat. But to him, there's a world of difference. I'm Peter Pan. I'm not Robin.

[T Mobile Representative]

It.

[Parent Host]

But here's the. Here's my question. And the phase is cute and all. It's really cute. And we've been doing it for a while now.

[Co-host]

Well, Hayden's 17.

[Parent Host]

He's on the cusp of six now.

[Co-host]

Mm.

[Parent Host]

And that's gonna happen on September 26th.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Parent Host]

And for. I know this is gonna sound irrational to you guys, but to me, six is a world of difference from five. Like, at five, costume every day feels acceptable to me. At six, I'm getting a little nervous. Like people are gonna start making fun of him and stuff if he wears it every single day. And maybe I'm totally, totally in left field here, but is there a certain time Limit where you have to say to your kid, like, okay, you gotta take the costume off now.

[Co-host]

Let me ask you a question. Is he. Because he's in that window, like, with a fall birthday.

[Parent Host]

September 26th, right.

[Co-host]

So is he kindergarten or first grade?

[Parent Host]

He's kindergarten.

[Co-host]

Then I think he's fine because I don't think you can do it because you're worried about his peers making fun of him. So kindergarten, I think is okay.

[Parent Host]

But how about when we're outside of the. And he's not wearing it to school?

[Co-host]

Doesn't matter, because I think he's still kindergartner. But see, I don't know because I don't have kids. So I don't. I just. In my mind, I understand what you're saying, but to me, it's not the number six. It's like a first grader. Like, okay, now you're in big boy all day school. Like, first grade sounds a lot more

[Parent Host]

mature to you than kindergarten.

[Co-host]

You know, mommies aren't coming in, passing snacks on the kid's birthday and stuff. Like, that's kindergarten nonsense. You know what I mean? You can drink, you can have sex. You're in first grade now. So, like that. That's a whole different. You know, the kids are standing out in front of the school smoking.

[Parent Host]

Sure. Kindergarten, that's unacceptable, right? 404-741-Q100. And Stacy's take on it is. And I wish I really adopted her philosophy on more. Like, kids are kids, man. When he's out of the phase, he'll be out of the phase. Let him be a kid for as long as he wants to be a kid.

[Co-host]

So that's what I thought. Like, well, I don't. I don't understand the huge difference between 5 and 6. Again, I'm not a mother, so I don't know. But I don't see that as being this huge transition.

Are you looking at kindergarten? Are you looking at September 25th or whatever this birthday is, is like a milestone where you can sit them down

[Parent Host]

and go, hayden, I even thought about it yet. I've just.

[Co-host]

Oh, really?

[Parent Host]

I hadn't thought about the talk because it just sounds ridiculous to me to have to sit down your kid and say, look, you're too old to wear the costume now. Like, I don't. There's something that's so pure about him wanting to wear that every day. Like, I don't want to have to sit him down and go, look, this is how the world works. You can't wear costumes at nine years Old.

[Co-host]

You're telling a five year old how the world works.

Here's what you need to do. What time does he get home every day? Is he full day of school?

[Parent Host]

Three o' clock now? Yeah.

[Co-host]

All right, so here's what you need to do. About 2:30 today, you need to dress like a pirate.

[Parent Host]

He'd love that.

[Co-host]

And you just be home.

[Parent Host]

I love it.

[Co-host]

But you have to go out in public and you have to let people make fun of you. You have to go out with Dolvett.

[Parent Host]

Dress like a p. Thing is, nobody would make fun of me if I was with my kid in a pirate costume. Everybody would think I'd be dad of the year.

[Co-host]

Just so you know, I would make fun of you if I saw you wearing a pirate costume. I don't care if your kid's around or not.

I wouldn't in front of your face.

Right. He makes your dad immediately text and go, dude, I just ran into Bert.

[Parent Host]

Get your camera.

[Co-host]

Bp. And he's dressed like a pirate. Seriously.

[Parent Host]

Just so you guys know that in the confines of my own home at 7:30 every night, I am dressed up as Captain Hook. And we are dueling every night. Good morning, Lisa. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

He's fine as long as he's still in kindergarten. Because my son has a September birthday too, and he went through that and first grade, the whole nother ball game, but he's still fine.

[Parent Host]

So let's say your kid in the first grade is still wearing his costume or her costume. Then what does that conversation sound like?

[Caller]

I don't know. He stopped. So I would have just probably never sent him to school.

[Parent Host]

Maybe so let's screw the education.

[Co-host]

Can't you just.

[Caller]

No, I never had to talk because he got out of that. Because his was Power Rangers.

[Parent Host]

He'll wear the same one for six straight months.

[Co-host]

Can't you just get involved in like, you know, like the end of the night you're doing some laundry and you accidentally pour an entire gallon of bleach in the tank.

[Parent Host]

He has can't be upset. Hey, Lynn, you're on a Q100.

[Caller]

He's just fine. Just let him be his little person that he's being.

[Parent Host]

So if he wants to stay in

[Caller]

costumes, if he wants to wear costumes every single day, let him wear a costume every single day.

[Co-host]

Okay? See? Yeah. Instead of pouring bleach or, you know, having a talk, couldn't you, in first grade tell them, look, if you're a superhero, you know you have to keep your identity secret at School or something. I mean, tell a good story and then like, oh, you're right, dad. And then they just wear the regular clothes out in public.

What if you do this? What if I got a low power BB gun and every time I see him in public you tell me where he's going and I just shoot him?

Do you still have a BB gun?

[Parent Host]

What if I get a high powered shotgun and do that to you if

[Co-host]

I'm dressed like Peter Pan? Please do. But like every time so he just. Not enough to break the skin, but so it really hurts and stings. And then you just say, sometimes the universe shoots people who dress like Peter Pan.

But again, it's a more creative story than the bleaching.

[Rocket Money Advertiser]

Right.

[Co-host]

Is the bad one.

You never tell him it's me. But then you don't have to take the responsibility of explaining to him it's wrong. He just realizes Peter Pan equals.

[Parent Host]

Ow. Thank you for making me feel better about being a parent.

[Co-host]

Do you want me to watch him for a couple days? Not even a minute. Why doesn't he stay with me for the weekend and we'll see if we can break him with that hazy, according

to Jeff, if you roll up a paper and knock him on the nose with it, then he'll know.

Just rub his face in the Peter Pan costume.

No, that is a no. Sir.

That is a no. Please.

[Parent Host]

The first show we're lost.

[Traveler]

I'm gonna pull over and ask that man for directions.

[Parent Host]

Hi there.

[Traveler]

We're looking to get to the campground.

[T Mobile Representative]

Well, you're gonna take a left at the old oak tree end of this here road. No, I'm just kidding. Let me get my phone out.

[Traveler]

How are you getting a signal out here?

[T Mobile Representative]

T Mobile and US Cellular decided to merge. So the network out here is huge. We're getting the same great signal as the city and saving a boatload with all the benefits. Oh, and a five year price guarantee. Okay, here's those directions.

[Traveler]

Actually, can you point us in the direction of a T Mobile store?

[T Mobile Advertiser]

America's best network just got bigger. Switch to T Mobile today and get built in benefits the other guys leave out. Plus our five year price guarantee. And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores.

[T Mobile Advertiser Voiceover]

Best mobile network based on analysis by Ookle of speed test intelligence data 2H2025 bigger network. The combination of T Mobile's and US US cellular network footprints will enhance the T Mobile network's coverage price guarantee on talk, text and data exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See t mobile.com for details.