Vault: How should guys "break up" with their guy friends?

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: How should guys 'break up' with their guy friends?"

Episode Date: May 7, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode is a real and humorous exploration into how men end friendships with other men—whether there’s such a thing as “breaking up” with a guy friend, how the process feels compared to female friendships, and the social norms and awkwardness around this topic.

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Main Discussion Points

1. The Central Dilemma: Do Guys Need to "Break Up" With Friends?

• Opening Concern:
  • The host (A) introduces a personal dilemma about how to handle drifting away from a male friend and wonders if this differs from how women manage friendship endings.

    A: "I don't know the right way to handle it, because I think it's one of those things that can handle differently between guys and girls." (00:01)

2. The "Guy Way" vs. "Girl Way" of Ending Friendships

• Immediate Male Responses:

  • B claims the standard approach is to cut off communication with no explanation.

    B: "There's no conversation. There's no breaking up in the guy world." (01:17)

  • Silence, ignoring calls, and fading away are the norm.

    B: "You see the call come and you hit ignore... After a while, they get the hint." (01:52)

  • If confronted, even in person, guys "lie about not getting their emails or texts." (02:04)

• Why No Confrontation?

  • Guys avoid drama and emotional confrontation, relying on gradual withdrawal.
  • B: "We're not like women here. Let's have a little talk, you and I." (01:34)

3. Exceptions & The “Chick-Like” Friend

• When the Other Guy Needs Closure:
  • If the guy is more sensitive or “chick-like,” a conversation may be needed.

    C: "If your guy friend is anything like this, he's gonna need answers." (04:03)

  • B shares a story about a friend who required deep, emotional conversations and couldn’t take a hint.
    • The friend showed up at the radio station for closure:

      B: "He showed up to the radio station one day... Met me in the lobby... like, 'dude, what's up?'" (03:39)

4. Male Friendship Dynamics: Surface vs. Deep Connections

• The Nature of Male Friendships:

  • C observes men seem less emotionally invested in friendships and wonders if “breakups” hurt less.

    C: "It seems to me that it would be easier to let go of because they don't mean as much to you guys..." (05:48)

  • B rebuts, arguing that the connection is different but not less meaningful:

    B: "You're interpreting that we don't connect the same way that women do. Doesn't mean we don't connect." (06:01)

• Smaller Core of Deep Friendships:

  • A admits that only a handful of male friends are close enough that a breakup would actually be painful.

    A: "In my world there's maybe half a dozen people... who, if they came to me and said we can't be friends anymore because of A, B and C, then I would be hurt." (06:59)

5. Confrontation Avoidance and Social Cues

• Most Guys Won’t Notice

  • B and A admit that with most male friends, extended lack of contact would go unnoticed for long periods.

    A: "95% of the guys I wouldn't notice for a year and a half if they stopped calling me." (08:14)

• Subtle Fade Is the Norm

  • Both agree that letting the friendship "slowly fade" is the typical, and "manly," route.

    A: "I'll let it slowly fade." (08:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Male Breakups:

  B: "You immediately stop talking... There's no conversation. There's no breaking up in the guy world." (01:17)

• On Emotional Friendships:

  C: "He needed closure. He needed answers." (04:03)

• On Male Bonding:

  A: "I want to have a good bonding afternoon where I sit in the same room on the same couch as you and we eat out of the same pizza box, but we don't say one word." (03:30)
  B: "We can go to Fado's and we can hang out for four hours. We can say six words to each other. And it was one of the greatest times I ever had." (05:32)

• On Noticing Lost Friendships:

  A: "I think I could bring somebody up to Burt, you know, who maybe moved away two years ago and go, hey, have you ever talked to whatever? And he'll go, no, I haven't heard from him in a while. Oh, yeah, that's because he moved to Canada." (08:14)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:01 — Introduction of the dilemma: Should men explicitly break up with friends?
• 01:11 — B describes the "cold turkey" method of fading out.
• 03:39 — B recounts a story about a persistent, emotional friend.
• 05:48 — C challenges the panel about the emotional value men place on friendships.
• 06:59 — A discusses limited core group of close friends and their emotional impact.
• 08:49 — Consensus: letting friendships fade is considered "the manly thing to do."

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Overall Tone and Insight

The conversation is real, funny, and peppered with self-deprecating humor. The hosts speak honestly about male emotional habits, acknowledging both stereotypes and exceptions, and reveal that, while most male friendships are maintained with little emotional labor, the rare deep connections are as meaningful—and as potentially painful to lose—as any relationship.

Takeaway:
The Bert Show finds that most male friendships slowly drift apart without confrontation or clarity, but for especially close bonds, the loss can still sting—though most men, true to form, will probably pretend otherwise.

Transcript

[A]

Listen, it's the Vert show, so I have a dilemma that I don't know if I should. I don't know the right way to handle it, because I think it's one of those things that can handle differently between guys and girls.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

What?

[B]

I'm strangely distracted by your shirt. Is it wet up on top or does it fade?

[A]

That's odd. Cause I'm strangely distracted by your shirt.

[B]

Is that just the lighting? I'm sorry.

[C]

No, that's the shirt.

[A]

Well, when you told me that you wanted me to tell the story, I got nervous and started sweating. Okay. And now it's just. It's faded.

[B]

Okay, cool. I just. Yeah, it's just having a little ADD moment. It's a good. It's a nice shirt.

[A]

And what's up with your shirt?

[B]

The collar on it? Yeah, we're happy with it either.

[A]

And the whole. And the crosses on the shoulders and stuff?

[B]

Well, the crosses don't bother me.

[C]

Well, it's Halloween. Y' all should have called each other

[A]

before you dressed that you were trying to be a pirate.

[C]

Yeah, I was having my biggest chick moment.

[A]

I love this.

[B]

I just couldn't tell if you. I was like, it wasn't even raining coming in today, so why does he have. Does he have moisture all over his shoulders? Poor guy.

[A]

Now I have to do. So we just have a debate about what each other's wearing, and now I have to have this delay on how to handle this situation. Guy way or girl way? Bert, if you are cutting ties with a dude friend, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you tell him or do you just do it?

[B]

You immediately stop talking, and you stop returning emails and texts and calls. There's no conversation. There's no breaking up in the guy world.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, it depends. Doesn't it depend on why?

[B]

Not really.

[C]

Like, why?

[B]

No.

[C]

You don't want to be friends with that person, so you just.

[B]

Mm. Mm. He just cut it off. Cold turkey, man. Yeah. He doesn't need to know why. You don't. I mean, we're not like women here. Let's have a little talk, you and I.

[A]

All right. So, like, then how do you handle it when you get phone calls and it's like, hey, you want to go do something? You're always busy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Does that seem like such.

[B]

You see, the call come and you hit ignore, goes to voicemail. You never call back. They email you. You never email back. After a while, they get the hint.

[A]

Okay. And then when you run into them out and they're like, dude, how come you have an email? How come you haven't called? What, don't you like me anymore?

[B]

No. You lie about not getting their emails or texts or anything.

[A]

Okay, now let me switch this. Let me switch this up. Boy, this is going to go quickly. I didn't realize how good you were at talking to people.

[B]

How many people I've blown up. Well, it's actually been the other way around, so I know how it works.

[A]

Okay, so now let's. If the guy involved in the situation is very chick like, I think that's what's throwing me.

[C]

Well, it might need. It might require a conversation at that point. Because if the guy involved is chick like, we need answers. We need closure. We need to know why this cutoff is taking place.

[B]

I can give you insight on this with somebody that we know. I can't say who it is, but we know who I'm talking about. Right? Very chick like. Yes, right.

[C]

Sensitive.

[B]

Very sensitive to you, Wordy.

[A]

Okay. You guys know him better than I do, so.

[B]

Very sensitive. We were hanging out for a while there, but this was a person that needed to have deep, meaningful relationships with everybody. Like guys, women. It wasn't a lot of fun to hang out with the dude because he was just so intense, you know?

[C]

Bono. Yeah.

[B]

It would be like. Or hanging out with Sean Penn.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Come on, dude, lighten up, man. Yeah, so. But we were hanging out with each other quite a bit. We took a vacation together and went surfing together and everything. And finally I was just fed up with it, man. I'm like, I can't do this anymore.

[C]

You're like, I just want to watch football and like scratch myself. Yeah.

[B]

I want to talk about girls that I've never even been with, man. Lie to each other and stuff.

[A]

I want to have a good bonding afternoon where I sit in the same room on the same couch as you and we eat out of the same pizza box, but we don't say one word.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

He was hard to shake though, because these, you know, if you're a friend with this guy, it's a deep, meaningful relationship. He showed up to the radio station one day. What? So my way out, walking in the car, he met me in the lobby. He's like, dude, what's up?

[A]

Out of the blue.

[B]

Yeah. Remember I told you about this to

[A]

find out why you hadn't called?

[B]

I think he made. He said it was one of those in the neighborhood type deals. So I thought I'd just hang out in the lobby until you left. It was like 12:30 creeper docking.

[C]

You See, he needed closure. He needed answers. So if your guy friend is anything like this, he's gonna need answers.

[A]

That's what I'm worried.

[C]

And there's more ways to get in touch with you now than there was when Burt did his breakup. Because now there's Facebook, Twitter, all that stuff.

[B]

It wasn't 1978. It was like three years.

[C]

Yeah, but before you were on Facebook or Twitter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, you know, back in the old.

[C]

Sound bad. I'm sorry.

[A]

Back in the old days when you could only MySpace you. So that's. My fear is, like, coming around the corner and then being confronted with that because I'm not in. If I have a confrontation. There are only two types of confrontations that I'm good at. One are the ones where I know I'm 1 million percent right. And the other one is the one where I've had plenty of time to prepare. So if it's like a subjective situation, but I can prepare. I can put myself. Line myself up to be prepared for it and ready to go.

[C]

Think about how you're going to respond to this.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Or the other.

[A]

Then I'm good. But if I go downstairs and there's a creeper in the lobby who's been hanging out for.

[C]

And you're in, like, work mode, and then all of a sudden it's friend mode in your face.

[A]

I may sleep with him. Like, it may be.

[B]

So why are you making the breakup

[A]

in the first place the same thing? The intensity.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like the. The. Yeah. There's just. There's too much emotion for the. There's too much emotion for the. For just hanging out for just.

[B]

Yeah, there's some dudes that can live, like, on a superficial level. You know, we can go to Fado's and we can hang out for four hours. We can say six words to each other. And it was one of the greatest times I ever had. Then there are other dudes that just need to talk all the time about every little thing. Shut up, man.

[C]

I have a question in general about guy. Guy friendships. It seems to me that it would be easier to let go of because they don't mean as much to you guys. And that's just from an outsider looking in.

[B]

No, I wouldn't say that. Because you're interpreting that we don't connect the same way that women do. Doesn't mean we don't connect. It just doesn't have to be a constant in touch with each other and talking and sharing.

[C]

I understand that part. I understand that you guys are gonna Communicate and interact differently and that it doesn't mean it's any less quality. I mean, that if a guy friend walks out of your life for one reason or another, maybe you guys are too superficial and this guy friend of yours wants to have a deeper relationship with somebody so they ditch you. Like, it's not going to devastate you. Like, it is when, when girls break up with their best girlfriends.

[A]

I will tell you that there are.

[C]

That will bother a girl for years. I mean, it will be 10 years later and she'll still be sad that this other girl friend of hers isn't in her life anymore. Like, I think it's like a part of you, like all of a sudden is missing if you're that close with somebody. And then I think for guys, you're kind of like, huh, move on.

[A]

Well, I think if, And I don't know if I'm speaking for Burp, but I think like, in my world there's maybe half a dozen people, if even that many, who, if they came to me and said we can't be friends anymore because of A, B and C, then I would be hurt. Like, I would be, I would be crushed that I wasn't able to maintain a friendship with them because I thought we were better friends than that. Like, that's maybe very few, though. That's like three or four people right there. That's a small core.

[B]

Even. So wouldn't you have those, Wouldn't you rather have those people just drop off the face of the earth than actually tell you that they're breaking up with you?

[A]

Well, these are the people that, if they, if there was a breakup, I'd be like, I would call them on it. Like, dude, come on, what's going on? We see each other every, you know, week, weekend, whatever. We talk from time to time. You know, guys don't talk to other guys. So the guys that you do talk to, if one of those blew me off, I'd be like, everything. I would, I would go. Because guys are so non observant and like, would never, would never dawn on me that it was me. Like, I would go to the guy and go, dude, is everything okay with you?

[B]

And isn't the guy gonna go, yeah, everything's fine? Even if there was nothing. I mean, even if he knew the breakup was imminent, wouldn't he say, no, dude, everything's fine. It's in your head, and then just leave?

[A]

Yeah, but that would throw me, like, that would. If it was one of the interactions, 95% of the guys I wouldn't notice for a year and a half if they stopped calling me. I mean, quite honestly, like 95. And I think it's the same for most guys. Like, I think I could bring somebody up to Burt, you know, who maybe moved away two years ago and go, hey, have you ever talked to whatever? And he'll go, no, I haven't heard from him in a while. Oh, yeah, that's because he moved to Canada.

[B]

Yeah. Dude, where you been? It feels like we haven't talked to each other in years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, it has been years.

[C]

We have because it has been.

[B]

Yeah. So you're going to break up with the guy you're just going to let slowly fade?

[A]

I'll let it. I'll let it slowly fade.

[B]

That's the manly thing to do.

[A]

This is the bird show.