Vault: How should she handle seeing her ex-husband?

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode Summary Episode Title: Vault: How should she handle seeing her ex-husband?
Date: June 8, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the real-life dilemma faced by one of the Bert Show cast members (Jen), who is preparing to attend a birthday party where her ex-husband may also be present. With witty banter and genuine conversation, the cast explores the anxiety, etiquette, and emotional complexities surrounding unexpectedly encountering an ex in a shared social circle. Listeners call in to offer their advice, adding relatable and often humorous perspectives to the issue.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Jen's Situation: The Dilemma

• Jen and her ex-husband, divorced for a year and a half, are invited to the same mutual friend's birthday party.

• She hasn't seen him in nearly two years, and not in a social setting ([02:03]–[02:24]).

• The friend group is large and interconnected, making such encounters more likely, though this is the first one ([03:27]–[03:56]).

  “The first debate is, do you go? And I'm like, yes, this is one of my closest friends." – Jen ([02:47])

Navigating Social Etiquette

• Jen grapples with whether to check with the host about her ex's attendance but decides against it to avoid stressing the host ([02:44]–[03:22]).

• She firmly decides to attend without making it an issue for others.

  “It's not their problem. Right. It's my issue to deal with.” – Jen ([02:54])

Pre-Party Nervousness & Internal Dialogues

• Jen admits to "rehearsing" potential encounters and feels underlying anxiety about potential interactions ([04:01]–[04:37]).
• Friends ask if she’s bringing a date; she feels that would be unfair to any prospective date and a complication for herself ([04:38]–[05:00]).
• Hypothetical jokes about hiring a model for the event ([05:10]–[05:26]).

The Realities of Running Into an Ex

• She shares a personal story about feeling panicked even just returning to her old grocery store, worried she might accidentally see her ex ([05:39]–[06:19]).
• The cast discusses how premeditated run-ins can be more stressful than spontaneous ones ([06:37]–[06:43]).

Advice from the Cast & Listeners

• Hosts agree the first encounter after a breakup or divorce is always the most awkward ([06:44]–[07:03]).

• Caller Desiree: Advises Jen to be herself, hold her head high, and focus on her friend, not the ex ([06:50]–[07:14]).

• The cast emphasizes it’s normal to feel anxious and that she shouldn’t expect otherwise ([07:14]–[07:37]).

• Caller Tina: Offers advice from her own experience, suggesting confidence, acknowledgment if necessary, and focusing on enjoying the party ([08:39]–[09:05]).

• Cassie feels a brief acknowledgment is respectful:

  “There is going to have to be small talk, some sort of hello...out of respect of the time you were together.” – Cassie ([09:25])

• Jen responds honestly:

  “You’re making me want to throw up. Like just talking.” – Jen ([09:51])

• Discussion on whether a superficial interaction or polite "hi" is necessary or if avoidance is okay for emotional safety ([09:55]–[11:09]).

• Caller Krista: Urges Jen to dress confidently and look fabulous, suggesting confidence helps ease the moment ([11:22]–[12:13]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I’m not going to be the party that stresses out the host couple. That’s been the one thing in my mind.” – Jen ([04:05])
• “It’s almost easier to spontaneously run into them than it is this situation…to plan on it.” – Bert ([06:37])
• “You do owe him or not owe him… but I think out of respect of the time you were together, you owe yourself and him three minutes…” – Cassie ([09:25])
• “Just be there for your friend. Just hold your head up high.” – Caller Desiree ([07:04])
• “You better look drop dead gorgeous, honey. You be the confident Jen you’ve always been.” – Caller Krista ([11:22])

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Important Timestamps

• 01:32 – Jen introduces her dilemma
• 02:44 – On deciding to go, and social etiquette
• 04:05 – Internal rehearsals of the potential encounter
• 05:39 – Anxieties about even casual encounters
• 06:50 – Caller Desiree’s advice: stay confident, be yourself
• 08:39 – Caller Tina: be confident, acknowledge, and focus on yourself
• 09:25 – Cassie and Jen discuss whether an acknowledgment is obligatory
• 11:22 – Caller Krista: the power of looking and feeling confident

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Tone & Takeaways

Throughout the episode, the conversation is authentic, humorous, and empathetic, balancing playful teasing with heartfelt advice. The consensus is that situations involving exes are always awkward, it's okay to feel anxious, and ultimately, being true to yourself and respectful of others is the best approach—though a little confident glam never hurts.

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Summary:
This episode offers a relatable, lively discussion about facing post-divorce social awkwardness, with practical wisdom, light-hearted humor, and a sense that, no matter how anxious you are, you’re not alone. The cast and callers encourage self-confidence, kindness to oneself, and the importance of friendship in navigating life's awkward moments.

Transcript

[A]

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[D]

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[E]

You're on the Burt Show.

[C]

So I've got an interesting predicament in my life right now, and that is that my ex husband and I have been invited to the same birthday party. And I don't know quite. There's more developments yesterday, but I'm not sure exactly quite how I'm gonna handle it. So I know a lot of listeners have been through divorces and it's early in the morning to get the phones ringing, but maybe they could help me out with this.

[F]

You've been divorced how long?

[C]

A year and a half, officially.

[F]

And you've seen him the last time?

[C]

A year. Probably close to two years ago, Officially. Do the people that even unofficially see him?

[F]

She has not been in the same room as him in almost 24 months.

[C]

Almost. I think it's been almost two years. I don't remember exactly.

[F]

And I'm guessing that time probably wasn't at a party.

[C]

No, not at a social function.

[E]

How did you find out that you guys were gonna be at the same party?

[C]

One of my friends tipped me off to. She said. Cause I said. I said, oh, I'm really looking forward to this birthday party. And she said, well, you know, who else has been invited? And kind of just, like, kind of gave me that look and then moved on. And I was like, okay, I know exactly, because it's mutual friends of ours. Whatever. And so. So the debate for me is, you know, a. You know, the first debate is a, do you go? And I'm like, yes, this is one of my closest friends. Yes, I'm gonna go. And then the second debate is, well, do I find out for sure if he's gonna go? But then I've been on the other side of that with other couples that I know that have been. And you put undue pressure on the hosts of the party if you are the one stressing them out, like, making the phone call. Well, if he's gonna come, then I'm not gonna. You know, it's not their problem. Right. It's my issue to deal with. And so I don't wanna be the one that makes that phone call or whatever. So I've just decided I'm going, and I'm not gonna be the friend who calls to ask the question.

[G]

Does the host couple even know they invited both of you guys?

[C]

Yes.

[G]

So they do realize it.

[C]

Yes.

[E]

The thing with Jen and Ryan's group is that the thing that was so unique and special about it is it really was a very big social group together.

[D]

Mm.

[E]

So there's been fallout after the breakup. There's just so many people that have been involved. Frankly, I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner.

[C]

Oh, really?

[E]

Because you have so many mutual friends, and Atlanta really is. I know this sounds like a cliche, but the smallest big city I have ever been in. Like, you just run into people all the time.

[C]

We have not.

[E]

I am really surprised by that.

[G]

Have you had thoughts in your head, like, what happens if I run into him? What am I gonna say? What am I gonna do?

[C]

Mm, exactly. I've been sort of like rehearsing how that's gonna go.

[G]

And what happens if you do?

[C]

I don't know. I mean, I just have to. I just have to sort of like, continue going about my life. Like. And this is somebody that's a really close friend. I don't know necessarily if we're both there, if I plan to stay a super long time. But I'm not going to be the party that stresses out the host couple. That's been the one thing in my mind where I'm like, I' to be that person. And then a couple of my friends yesterday. Here's the other development. Were asking, are you going to be bringing a date?

[F]

Oh.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

Because it's a couple ish party and a couple of two separate friends have asked. So I'm like, so what does that mean? Right? And then I'm like, so am I the one who, like, looks sort of like. Well, first of all, I wouldn't put a date in that situation.

[D]

Right.

[C]

That's not fair to whoever my date would be. That's not fair.

[G]

Right.

[C]

A number one.

[E]

We would soon find out if you were going to bring a date. We would soon find out who you think the best looking of all the people.

[F]

It might not be anybody she's seeing right now. She may hire modeling. Hire someone.

[C]

I would call up that modeling.

[F]

Who's that dude Santa boy that you bring him along. I'll pay a hundred bucks, 100 bucks for that situation.

[C]

Am I?

[B]

You're going to.

[G]

Are you?

[A]

Come on.

[E]

Are you more nervous about your reaction or your ex's reaction to being in the same room? Are you more stressed out about what you're going to say or how he's going to react?

[C]

Uh, I guess I just know it's going. It is if. If it happens, if we're in the same room. And whenever that happens, whether that's this coming weekend or not, it's going to be an awkward situation. At one point, I was going to. This is maybe a month ago, I was going to a friend's house who lives nearby there. And I needed to stop to bring like, another part of the dinner that we were making. So I ran into that grocery store, and it was my old grocery store. And I started panicking, walking through the aisles of publix, like, come around the corner. Like, I didn't even think about it. I was just like, in a hurry, like, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush. Like on the phone, whatever. But then I like, got off the phone was inside the publix. I Was like, this is my old publix.

[G]

Like, what happens if I see them?

[C]

Like, how is that gonna go down? Like, I don't know how it's gonna go down. I can anticipate it, I can think about it, I can stress about it, but I just have to sort of carry myself the way that I know how and not stress out the other friends in our life.

[E]

And a lot of wine easier to find.

[C]

That's probably a worse situation. If I had a lot of wine,

[E]

it's almost easier to spontaneously to run into them than it is this situation.

[C]

To plan on it.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And think about it.

[E]

Yeah. Cause the first one is gonna be the most difficult, most awkward full week

[C]

to think about it, you know?

[E]

Hey, Desiree.

[D]

Hey.

[E]

Good morning.

[D]

Good morning. I love you guys. Hey, listen, my sister just went through a divorce, and the best advice I can give you is just, you know, totally be yourself. Be there for your friend. Just hold your head up high. Don't let him, like, don't even think about if he's in the room or not, and just have fun. Go for it and don't worry about it. It'll be okay.

[C]

Thank you.

[E]

Easier said than done. But, I mean, you can't help but feel anxiety about it.

[C]

Definitely.

[E]

Even if this was just a boyfriend that you went out with for a while, you'd feel a certain amount of anxiety. This was your husband that you spent a long time with. I mean, so I think if you go in there with the expectation of not being nervous, I think you're gonna. You're destined to fail. You have to be nervous about this. I'm nervous for you for the night.

[C]

And I don't know exactly what's going to happen. You know, I don't know for sure if we're both going to be there or not, but I am not going to be the one that's. That, like, that's like my. One thing I know is I'm not going to be the one that stresses out the host with this. I'm just going to go and be myself and bring some wine and maybe a model. Just definitely a model.

[F]

Well, don't even say that, because then if it does happen and you do bring a boyfriend who's really good looking, everybody's going to go. He's not even really a boy.

[C]

He's just hired.

[E]

I think an early exit strategy is a good idea, and I think that exit strategy should be before you get to, like, the third glass of wine, like. And I would suggest that for him, too, like, because Alcohol can change everything. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

I do.

[E]

You know, so I'd say forget about the booze for the first couple hours and get out quick.

[F]

That'll be a comfortable conversation. When Jen says, all right, look, hey, here's the deal, Ryan. Before we each at our third glass of wine, we're both going to leave. I'm sure he's going to be totally cooperative.

[E]

Let's rock, paper, scissors and see who goes first. But somebody's got to go.

[C]

No, I'm totally fine to go first.

[E]

Hey, Tina, Good morning. You're on Q100.

[D]

Good morning. I just wanted to tell Jen I went through the nastiest divorce ever. And my strategy is always. Because we have children together, so we have to communicate. Go in.

[C]

I don't know how you did it.

[D]

Yeah, it's rough. Go in. Be yourself. Be confident. Your friends, you know, it's a party, so you don't have to talk to them or anything. Just be there and ignore him and be yourself and be there for your friends.

[C]

That though to ignore him. And it's.

[G]

And it's still tough because you see

[D]

him, you can acknowledge him and say hi, but you don't have to carry on a conversation with him. I mean, you don't owe him anything. You've gone on with your life, he's going on with his life. And, you know, thank goodness there are no children involved. So you can kind of just go and be there for your friend and your other friends are going to be there. But I do take a date. To any other party, you can take a date.

[F]

But I do think you say you don't owe him anything. But there has to be an acknowledgment of the two decades or decade and a half of your life. So there is going to have to be small talk, some sort of hello. You do owe him or not owe him. That's the wrong word because it makes you feel obligated. But I think out of respect of the time you were together, you owe yourself and him three minutes of making

[C]

me want to throw up. Like just talking.

[F]

I don't even think, get a bucket.

[E]

It doesn't accomplish anything at all if you guys are just in the same room together. I don't think the baby step is so significant that it means anything. Like you have to have some kind of interaction with him in order to get past his very first awkward step.

[C]

What am I trying to accomplish, though,

[E]

just to break the. That just. I think the bar is set so low, it's Just. It could either. It could even just be a high, a passing high. But there has to be something verbal between the two of you guys to get past the first awkward stage.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

I don't think there has to be so either thing like it. I mean, I don't. I don't have expectations on what the outcome is going to be because that's futile. Like, I don't know what that's going to be. I just know how I need to prepare to handle myself. Like I can't predict the outcome of anything in life. Like I can't predict the outcome of what's gonna happen after I walk out of the studio today. So have to. It sounds. That doesn't sound right to me. No, I don't. I don't know why.

[E]

Here's my thought on it is that if you're just in the same room together, then you'll have the same awkwardness the next time you guys are in the room together if there's no interaction at all.

[C]

But what if that's okay?

[E]

How can you two live in the same city and have this many friends in common and not be there a next time?

[C]

It's been that way for two years.

[F]

If it happens once every two years and you can get away with a knot across the room and you're comfortable with that, I don't think you're out. I don't think you have to do anything. You know what I mean?

[E]

Hey, Krista, Good morning. You're on Q100.

[C]

Hi.

[D]

Hey guys. Love the show. Jen, you better look fabulous, honey. You better look drop dead gorgeous. You know what I'm saying? And you begin. I mean, you be the confident gin that you've always been. And I agree with Burton. Just go say, hey, how you doing? What's going on? Everything's cool. And then leave. I mean, I mean, not leave the party because if it's a great party, why should you have to exit first? You can be, you know, go, go, knock it out. This will be the first round. And that's true, you know, you won't have any awkwardness the next time this happens and it'll be a good hurdle. But you, if you're. If you're looking drop dead gorgeous. Oh, honey, please. You will be so confident, you won't care who's in the room.

[E]

Listen, it's the vert show.

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