Vault: How to be safe dating online

Summary

The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: How to be Safe Dating Online
Date: June 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

This special "Vault" edition focuses on the do’s and don’ts of online dating with advice from author Sherry Burback, known for her books At the Coffee Shop and Internet Dating is Not Like Ordering a Pizza. The episode covers common mistakes people make in online dating profiles, the prevalence of dishonesty (or honesty!) online, site recommendations, perceptions of online dating, and practical tips for improving your dating profile. The Bert Show cast and Sherry keep the discussion real, light, and pepper it with both humor and practical wisdom, aiming to help listeners approach online dating with confidence and authenticity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Biggest Mistakes in Dating Profiles (01:49-02:29)

• Using outdated or misleading photos: Sherry highlights that one of the most common profile mistakes is using old photos or cropping out an ex-partner.

  • Quote: “Using a bad picture is a big one. You know, not taking a brand new picture of yourself, what you look like right now at this moment, instead of holding onto a picture that's a little bit too old or cropping out... an ex girlfriend and putting that up as your profile picture. That's a big no.” — Sherry Burback (01:53)

• Confusing impressions: Including other women in your profile photos can send the wrong message.

  • Quote: "With girls around there, you know, hanging onto them... it might be a friend, it might not be, but it gives the wrong impression." — Sherry Burback (02:17)

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2. Profile Honesty and the Prevalence of "Lies" (02:29-03:27)

• Tweaking vs. Lying: Sherry does not support outright dishonesty but acknowledges that people might “tweak” minor details (like height or income), while most are generally honest.

  • Quote: "I don't encourage people to lie... I think maybe some people are maybe saying they make a little bit more money than they do or they are taller or weigh a little bit less. But overall, I think people are pretty honest." — Sherry Burback (02:42)

• Humorous take on expectations: A caller jokes about setting expectations low in profiles to surprise dates positively.

  • Quote: "I think what people should do is they should say that they weigh more, that they're older than they are. Put up a really bad picture. Because then when you meet someone in person, you're like, wow, what a surprise." — Caller (03:15)

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3. Messaging Etiquette (03:32-04:20)

• Keep it short and responsive: Don't paste your profile into messages. Reply briefly and offer something that can be responded to.
  • Quote: "Don't give them your whole life history. Leave a little bit of mystery there, but let them know that you're interested in talking further. I mean, you want to get a date. That's the ultimate goal of this. You don't want a pen pal." — Sherry Burback (03:44)

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4. Best and Worst Online Dating Sites (04:20-04:55)

• General advice: Most major sites can work if you have the right attitude.

  • Quote: "Any site can probably be good for you depending on if you have the right attitude and the right profile." — Sherry Burback (04:27)

• Recommendation for larger sites: Match.com and Yahoo Personals offer a wider pool.

  • Quote: "The larger services... usually give you a wider variety of people and that way you have... a better chance to meet somebody." — Sherry Burback (04:35)

• Paid vs. Free sites: Paying typically signals greater seriousness.

  • Quote: "If they're going to pay to set up a profile, they're going to be a little bit more serious about it... you're going to meet more quality people that way." — Sherry Burback (04:55)

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5. Niche and Age-Targeted Sites (05:19-06:35)

• While larger sites suit all ages, niche sites can offer instant shared interests, from green dating to hobby-specific platforms.
  • Quote: "There are some niche dating sites that you can check out too, if you have a specific interest... then the advantage... is you have an immediate point of common interest." — Sherry Burback (05:33)

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6. Online Dating Trends (06:35-07:29)

• Who dates more online?: According to Sherry’s observations, men tend to date online more than women.

  • Quote: "I think men date more online than women, actually, just from the people that have come to me for help with profiles." — Sherry Burback (06:39)

• Stigma around online dating: Though it persists, it’s decreasing as success stories become more common.

  • Quote: "I think there is and there shouldn't be because it's just... such a great way to meet people... All they hear is horror stories as opposed to the really positive stories." — Sherry Burback (06:56)

• Why online dating developed: For people with less time or social connections as they age.

  • Quote: "When you get to be a certain age... you tend to meet less people... I think that's how online dating really got started." — Sherry Burback (07:51)

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7. Quick Fixes to Improve Your Profile (08:08-09:14)

• Inject personality: Don’t just list interests—explain why you like them.

  • Quote: "Let your personality come through... Don't say, 'I like wine and football.' Say, why you like those things. 'I developed a passion for wine tasting when I went to the French vineyards'..." — Sherry Burback (08:25)

• Stay positive: Avoid using your profile to complain or vent about dating.

• Upgrade your photos: Use high-quality pictures that show your interests and personality.

  • Quote: “A great picture will really set you up and go far. So... take a bunch of pictures of yourself and add pictures that also add to your story... pictures where you're doing something you like, where you have something in the background that tells a little bit about yourself.” — Sherry Burback (08:25)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "[Using old photos or cropping out your ex is] a big no." — Sherry Burback (01:53)
• “Don't give them your whole life history. Leave a little bit of mystery there...” — Sherry Burback (03:44)
• “A great picture will really set you up and go far.” — Sherry Burback (08:25)
• “I think men date more online than women, actually.” — Sherry Burback (06:39)
• “There is [a stigma], and there shouldn't be, because it's just... such a great way to meet people.” — Sherry Burback (06:56)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:49 — Biggest profile mistakes
• 02:29 — Honesty in profiles and “tweaking” the truth
• 03:32 — How to reply to first messages
• 04:20 — Best and worst dating sites discussion
• 04:55 — Free vs. paid sites
• 05:33 — Niche and age-targeted dating sites
• 06:39 — Who dates more: men or women?
• 06:56 — Addressing the stigma of online dating
• 08:25 — Three profile tweaks for better responses

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Final Thoughts

This episode offers a practical and empowering take on navigating online dating. Sherry Burback’s expert input demystifies common misconceptions, encourages listeners to present their authentic selves, and gives actionable advice for anyone looking to succeed in the online dating world—reminding us that confidence, honesty, and a little bit of personality go a long way.

Transcript

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[Show Host]

The Burt Show Sherry Burback here is the author of at the Coffee Shop and Internet dating is not like ordering a Pizza. And if you guys are doing some Internet dating here and you're not having any luck, hopefully Sherry can give you a little hand here. Hey Sherry.

[Sherry Burback]

Hey, how are you?

[Show Host]

Good, how are you today?

[Sherry Burback]

I'm doing great, thanks.

[Show Host]

What are the biggest mistakes? Biggest mistakes people make in their profiles?

[Sherry Burback]

Oh, the profiles. Using a bad picture is a big one. You know, not taking a brand new picture of yourself, what you look like right now at this moment, instead of holding onto a picture that's a little bit too old or cropping out, you know, an ex girlfriend and putting that up as your profile picture. That's a big no. No.

[Caller/Friend]

One of my girlfriends is online dating right now, and she said a lot of guys have pictures of themselves up with girls in them.

[Sherry Burback]

Yes. With girls around there, you know, hanging onto them, you know, holding hands. Or maybe the guy has his hand around her shoulder and it's a. You know, it might be a friend, it might not be, but it gives the wr impression.

[Co-host/Caller]

Now, Sheri, a new study came out today that Talked about how 90% of people lie in their online dating profiles. I mean, is that true? Do you find that, and I mean, do you encourage people to kind of tweak themselves, too?

[Sherry Burback]

Oh, I don't encourage people to lie. I'm not sure where you know what exactly they're talking about with lying. That makes it sound like everybody is just completely dishonest online. And I personally didn't find that, you know, maybe people tweak certain things that aren't a big deal. I don't know. You want to present your best self. So I think maybe some people are maybe saying they make a little bit more money than they do or they are taller or weigh a little bit less. But overall, I think people are pretty honest. That was just my personal experience.

[Caller/Friend]

I think what people should do is they should say that they weigh more, that they're older than they are. Put up a really bad picture. Because then when you meet someone in person, you're like, wow, what a surprise.

[Show Host]

Rather than the other way around.

[Sherry Burback]

So much better than I thought it was going to look. Exactly.

[Caller/Friend]

Mix it up, people.

[Show Host]

If somebody sends you a message that they're interested in you, what should you send back? Should it be a short message? Should it be like this whole profile? Should it be a generic profile? Should each and every one of them be specific?

[Sherry Burback]

Well, if somebody's sending you a message, they've probably already seen your profile. So you don't want to copy and paste your. Whatever you have in your profile and send it. So you do want to just do a short message to, you know, if you're interested in talking further with them, send them something short that they can respond back to. Don't give them your whole life history. Leave a little bit of mystery there, but let them know that you're interested in talking further. I mean, you want to get a date. That's the ultimate goal of this. You don't want a pen pal, so you do want to just keep things short and email back and forth until you feel comfortable enough where you want to meet.

[Lady Luck]

And what are the best dating online sites and what are the worst online profile sites that you can go to?

[Sherry Burback]

Well, I've heard of people that have met other people on just about every site. So I think any site can probably be good for you depending on if you have the right attitude and the right profile. Having said that, I think the larger services like Match.com or Yahoo personals usually give you a wider variety of people and that way you have a kind of a better chance to meet somebody.

[Caller/Friend]

I'm sorry, are the ones you pay for often better than the free ones?

[Sherry Burback]

Yeah, I think so. I think people, if they're going to pay to set up a profile, they're going to be a little bit more serious about it. Those people tend to want more of a relationship, you know, rather than just they're testing it out. They're not. Maybe they're not even out of a relationship. They're not sure if they want to meet someone, somebody online. If you pay to have a profile set up, you're probably more serious about it and it's probably you're going to meet more quality people that way.

[Show Host]

Are there some websites, dating websites that sort of have their own niche, their own brand, like eharmony would be for older people. There would be another one that Generally if you're 24 or younger, you go to.

[Sherry Burback]

There are some sites really match.com kind of encompasses everybody. But there are some sites like eharmony. I've heard that people who are more interested in marriage will go to eharmony. I don't know if that's really true. That's what I've heard from people. That's not kind of the brand they push, but I think that's kind of the perception that people have about them. Sites like Perfect Match will give you a combination of like match.com and eHarmony, where you're set up with people through their site, but you're also able to search for profiles. So I'm not sure that there's any site that really caters to one person. There are some niche dating sites that you can check out too, if you have a specific interest. Like you really love horseback riding or you're echo conscious and you want to look at a green dating site. There are sites like that, and then the advantage in those is you have an immediate point of common interest with somebody. Then if you go on a site like that. But generally a larger site will get you pretty much no matter what age you are, will get you a wider variety of people that you can meet

[Caller/Friend]

who Dates more online. Men or women?

[Sherry Burback]

I think men date more online than women, actually, just from the people that have come to me for help with profiles, and I seem to come across more men that date online.

[Show Host]

Is there still a stigma attached to online dating? Like, I think Melissa's a little old school about online dating, where she still feels it's a little bit desperate.

[Sherry Burback]

You know, I think there is and there shouldn't be because it's just. It's such a great way to meet people. I think it's kind of that unknown, and so people are. Have. Are afraid of it, and they. All they hear is horror stories as opposed to the really positive stories. You know, I hear a lot of people that have met really somebody totally perfect for them online dating. And it's somebody that maybe that lived in the same area and they just had never met in all the years that they lived in that area. But it took the Internet to introduce them. But I think there is kind of a stigma and there shouldn't be. So don't be afraid of it.

[Show Host]

Yeah, I think it comes from personal ads back in the day. They just seem so cheesy and so desperate.

[Co-host/Caller]

Back in the newspaper, when online dating first started, it was for people who didn't feel socially confident. So I think that it was just for a certain. A certain age group. I think 35 and older. Online dating was something new. And it's for people who couldn't hang on their own in the clubs.

[Sherry Burback]

Yeah, I think you get busy when you get to be a certain age, even if you're not married, you start taking care of family, you start working more. You kind of have the same friend group. You don't meet as many friends as you do when you're in your 20s, so you tend to meet less people when you get a little bit older. And I think that's how online dating really got started.

[Show Host]

So some final advice. Let's say there's somebody checking us out this morning that has had a profile, or they're on a bunch of different sites and they just don't seem to be getting any responses at all with their profile. What's three tweaks they can make today to change their profile enough to where they might start to get some responses?

[Sherry Burback]

Okay. First of all, let your personality come through in your profile. Don't just list things about yourself. Don't say, I like wine and football and American Idol. Say, why you like those things. I developed a passion for wine tasting when I went to the French vineyards, something like that. Even those little bit of changes will help add a little bit more personality to your profile. Also, don't be negative. Don't use your profile as a chance to just complain about dating. And really a great picture will really set you up and go far. So have somebody take a digital camera, go out, take a bunch of pictures of yourself and add pictures that also add to your story. So have pictures where you're doing something you like, where you have something in the background that tells a little bit about yourself. Have the pictures add to your personality just as well as your essay.

[Show Host]

Okay, we're going to put all your information up online. Also, she's got two books. The books are at the coffee shop and Internet dating is not like ordering a pizza and we'll link up to them up on our [e-mail] thanks so much. Thanks Sherry.

[Sherry Burback]

Thanks. Bye Bye bye.

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