Vault: How to get through the holidays after a huge loss

Summary

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The Bert Show Episode Summary

"Vault: How to get through the holidays after a huge loss"

Date: May 29, 2026
Cast Featured: Michelle (Intern), Melissa, Radio Host, Callers

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Overview

This episode centers on coping with major personal loss during the holiday season—a period commonly associated with joy, family, and tradition. Intern Michelle marks the anniversary of her father's passing, sharing her raw, authentic experience and sparking a heartfelt group discussion. The hosts and listeners explore navigating grief, honoring memories, and finding ways to move forward while still feeling connected to those they've lost.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Facing the Holidays After a Death

• Michelle opens up about her father's recent passing and the difficulties of celebrating Christmas without him.
• The team discusses how holidays can feel especially challenging after the loss of a close family member.
• Quote:
  • “Christmas is supposed to be a happy time...but when you lose somebody that's so dear to your heart, that you love so much, it's difficult sometimes to get in that holiday spirit.”
    — Michelle (01:36)

2. The Weight of Traditions and Memories

• Michelle describes her father as a “big Christmas guy,” and that everything—from Frank Sinatra to family gatherings—reminds her of him.
• She explains the unique pain of “the first” holiday without him and how it upended family traditions.
• Quote:
  • “My dad was old school...all the Frank Sinatra, the big band, all that stuff reminds me of my dad. Christmas was big for him...there's one holiday I would never miss, it's Christmas, because that's just big to...dad, that means everything to him.”
    — Michelle (02:12)

3. Evolving Through Grief

• Melissa shares her own experience losing her father and echoes that the first year is often the hardest.
• Over time, reflecting on happy memories becomes more manageable, and grief is less acute.
• Quote:
  • “I think that that first year is the hardest because you go through everything. You get through Mother's Day and Father's Day and Fourth of July and Christmas.”
    — Melissa (04:43)

4. Honoring the Loved One’s Legacy

• Michelle expresses a mindset shift: instead of focusing solely on loss, she chooses to honor her dad by celebrating life and living as he would have wanted.
• Emotional ups and downs are normal, and it's okay to have moments of both sadness and celebration.
• Quote:
  • “...to celebrate a person's life that was so wonderful and so dear to you is the biggest honor in my opinion...”
    — Michelle (03:37)

5. Listener Stories—Finding Connection and Comfort

• Callers Brittany, Liz, and Kathryn share their recent losses (grandmother, mother), relating deeply to Michelle’s journey.
• These moments highlight the universality of grief and how shared stories can provide comfort and relief.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Hearing...that you were okay with it and that you felt your father there with you is just amazing, and it totally, totally touched me. So thank you.”
    — Brittany (06:04)
  • “I'm just...thank you, Michelle. You've given me hope. Like the last caller said, you've given me hope that hopefully it'll get better.”
    — Liz (08:31)
  • “I have no energy or desire for [Christmas], but I have to because I have a six year old...To not have [my mom] there anymore...devastates you...it makes you feel like you're not alone to hear other people and how they handle this.”
    — Kathryn (10:34)

6. Coping Mechanisms & Advice

• Hosts and callers share ways to manage grief:

  • Allowing oneself to feel sadness yet embracing small joys and memories
  • Recognizing the importance of handwritten notes and sentimental objects
  • Quote:
    • “In this day and age of texting and emailing, handwritten things mean far more than you can ever imagine. And once you lose them and you have something handwritten, you'll never realize how much it means to you.”
      — Melissa (10:08)

• Recognizing “signs” from loved ones (a familiar truck, a song on the radio) can be a source of comfort.

7. The Journey Gets Easier

• Both hosts and callers assure that over time, the agony of loss dulls, making space for gratitude and reflection.
• Quote:
  • “I'm telling you, this will be the worst Christmas. It will only get better from here, I promise you.”
    — Melissa (12:16)
  • “Once you can get past that a little bit and think about how they would want you to be, where they would want you to be...it's so much more beautiful than you could ever imagine.”
    — Michelle (12:48)

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Notable Moments & Timestamps

• 01:36 Michelle talks about the first Christmas without her dad and the challenge of facing traditions.
• 02:12 Michelle describes how surrounded she feels by memories, particularly music.
• 03:24-03:37 Hosts joke warmly about Michelle's "old soul" and resemblance to her father.
• 04:43-05:11 Melissa discusses the difficulty of the “first year” without a parent.
• 06:04-06:45 Brittany, a caller, shares her grief over losing her grandmother and finds comfort in Michelle's words.
• 08:31-09:27 Liz relates her story of losing her mother and feeling hope after listening.
• 10:08-10:23 Advice about the long-term value of handwritten notes.
• 10:34-12:16 Kathryn shares her immediate pain after her mother's death and receives hope from Melissa.
• 12:22-13:49 Michelle talks about "signs" from her dad and moving from pain to the beauty of remembrance.

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Memorable Quotes

• “To celebrate a person's life that was so wonderful and so dear to you is the biggest honor in my opinion.”
  — Michelle (03:37)

• “It's always the first without him. But then it gets so much easier.”
  — Melissa (05:10)

• “Hearing...that you felt your father there with you is just amazing...I totally needed to hear that.”
  — Brittany (06:04)

• “Once you lose them and you have something handwritten, you'll never realize how much it means to you.”
  — Melissa (10:23)

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Closing Thought

This open, authentic discussion offered a powerful exchange about love, loss, and resilience. By sharing their stories and inviting listeners to do the same, the Bert Show transformed pain into community, hope, and the reminder that no one must grieve alone.

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Transcript

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[Michelle]

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[Radio Host]

Listen, it's the Vert show intern Michelle. Kind of a bittersweet time of year for her right now.

[Michelle]

Yeah, absolutely. December 2nd was a year that my father passed away. So it's one of those, you know, it's Christmas and of course everybody wants to be in the Christmas spirit. And I actually know, I'm sure there's many people out there who face this dilemma where Christmas is supposed to be a happy time and you know, if you have kids, you want to make it special and all this stuff, but when you lose somebody that's so dear to your heart that you love so much, it's difficult sometimes it's difficult to get in that holiday spirit and, you know, be all excited about Christmas.

[Melissa]

Does everything sort of remind you of him, like little things that remind you of traditions or family traditions or.

[Michelle]

My dad was just a big Christmas guy. My dad was old school. He was 45 when he had me. I mean, all the Frank Sinatra, the big band, all that stuff just reminds me of my dad. Very classy, very kind of an Italian mafioso type thing going on with my dad. And he was just very. He just had this classy thing about him. And so Christmas was big for him. I've traveled throughout my life and there's one holiday I would never miss is Christmas. Because that's just big to, you know, dad, that means everything to him. So yeah, there's a lot. There are traditions, there are just the season in general just reminds me of my father and last Christmas he passed away right before Christmas. And it was a really, I mean, of course it was a terrible Christmas. We never, we never had a Christmas without my dad. So. And what do you do? You know, he's kind of, he's the man, he's led the family. So this Christmas is interesting. You know, as anniversary came around and you never know what to expect. And I think people build things up in their mind. You're almost anticipating, waiting for how that day, how you're gonna feel, what you're gonna go through. It was a great day for me. So I think I kind of made up my mind that day how I was gonna kind of deal with Christmas and that is honor them and celebrate and live how they would want you to be if they were here.

[Radio Host]

You can tell that she's got sort of. I mean, she said her dad had, they had her when he was 45. So you could see sort of like in. Michelle here is like a 55 or 60 year old man trying to get out of a 29 year old.

[Michelle]

I'm my father. I look nothing like my father. I'm a splitting image of my mother, but I am my father 1000% and I'm an old soul. And as I've grown, as I've grown, I've learned how much of an old soul I am. I totally vibe older people. I mean, you know, I just do better than young people. Um, and I'm just so there. And, and I think like I said in this, in this time of the holiday season, you, you wanna remember. It doesn't mean you can't cry, it doesn't mean you can't have emotions and have your moments. But to celebrate a person's life that was so wonderful and so dear to you is the biggest honor in My opinion, you know, when I. You gotta think, like, when I'm gone, I want people to say, this was Michelle. This is how let's remember her, and let's celebrate that life that touched your life so, so dearly.

[Radio Host]

You know, I want. When I die, I want people to be in pain for a long time.

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I.

[Radio Host]

Crying and a lot of, whoa, what

[Michelle]

are we gonna do? What are we gonna make it?

[Radio Host]

And I mean, for a long, extended period of time.

[Michelle]

I'm sure you do. I'm sure you have a list of people, too. I'm sure you do. She said sarcastically.

[Melissa]

My dad was 43 when he had me, so I see what you're saying. And he passed away in 2001. And, you know, I think that you have evolved from the first year because anybody that's lost a loved one, that close, immediate family, because grandparents are hard, and aunts and uncles are hard, and cousins are hard, but, I mean, your parents and your siblings are the hardest. And so I think that that first year is the hardest because you go through. You go through everything. You get through Mother's Day and Father's Day and Fourth of July and Christmas and things.

[Radio Host]

It's always the first without him.

[Melissa]

It's always the first. But then it gets so much easier because now you can reflect on a time at Christmas when he wasn't there. So, of course I think of my father all the time, but I also have experienced several Christmases without him, and. And now it's not as painful. And also, I think you. You know, Jen, you talk about how some people, if selfishly, may be depressed, whatever. When you lose a loved one that close to you, you have no idea when it's gonna hit you. Like, I mean, he's been gone, you know, he's been gone, what, eight years now. And I'm trying to think of the last time I cried about him. But it hits you at the most random moments or the random thoughts. Like, the thing that I hate that I can't talk to him about is politics, the war in Iraq, you know, he was a military vet, and we always would talk. And there are times where there's something that come up. I'm like, God, I wish I could know his opinion.

[Radio Host]

Here's Brittany. Good morning, Brittany. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi, how are y'? All?

[Radio Host]

Good, thanks.

[Caller]

Good. I just had to call in because I was totally touched by what she said. I just lost my grandmother earlier this year, sorry. To bone cancer. And she helped raise me. So what you said was just amazing because that's exactly what I'm going through right now. And I totally needed to hear that. You know, I'm 22 years old, and I've been in and out of hospitals for the last 10 years. So to see somebody who's been through the hospitals with me pass away was really hard. But hearing, you know, that you were okay with it and that you felt your father there with you is just amazing, and it totally, totally touched me. So thank you. Aww.

[Michelle]

You're welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much. Oh, poor baby. I'm so sorry for your loss. And, you know, it's just one of those things that, you know, like Melissa says, it hits you, and, you know, I'm one of those people. I rise to the occasion. When my father passed away, it was like, I'm just. I'm like the son my dad ever had. I'm the leader of the family. I just take care of my sister and my mom. And so I don't cry. It's funny. And sometimes I almost feel guilty, like, I don't cry over my dad all the time. Like Melissa said, there's things that trigger. But I have to say that in my. I could only give from my perspective. And when you lose somebody, you really have to think selflessly. They're in a better place. And I hate to say that sounds so cliche, like, oh, they're in a better place, but they are. And I'm a strong believer. Sometimes people can do in heaven what they can't know, what they can no longer do on Earth. And I know that. I know my dad. I can name a million things that I've seen in the last year that. Yeah. That he's carried me and carried my family in a way that he just. He was. You know, he's sick. He just couldn't do it. And my dad was a. I was like, six, five. He was a very prideful, so. And like anybody that. And I know my best friend's mom, who was very dear to me. We lost her in May of 2008, and we saw her pass away of cancer. And cancer's a very. My dad had congestive heart failure. Cancer's a very. It's the saddest way. Yeah. To see. Cause you. You know, when my dad dropped dead. And I always laugh when I say that, because my dad was, like, crazy funny. So, like, if he. I could just see him laughing, like, yeah, I did drop dead. But. But he dropped dead. And he used to tell me, you know, when I ask God, I want to go quickly. And so when my dad dropped dead, I was like, oh, you know, it's weird, but it's like, this is how I know he wanted to go.

[Radio Host]

Here's Liz. Good morning, Liz. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, good morning. I'm trying to control myself. Thank you, Michelle. I don't know, it's so ironic. This morning on my long drive to work, I have an hour long drive and I was just remembering my mother. She passed away this August of cancer and from California. So I've not been able to spend much time with her because I was in the military. And then I ended up out here, but I went back home for three weeks and it's like God knew that, you know, she was waiting for all of us. And yeah, cancer is just the most horrible way because I saw her deteriorate every day. But thank God he put me there and I held her for the last three weeks of her life and I. I saw her take her last breath and I'm just. Thank you, Michelle. You've given me hope. Like the last caller said, you've given me hope that hopefully it'll get better.

[Michelle]

It will get better. And thank you. I mean, I'm honored. I mean, I'm flabbergasted that y' all are so gracious to me. I could only say, if you haven't lost someone. And this is once again so textbook and cliche, really, like. And I know especially younger kids, I don't know if they're in school, if they're not listening. Your parents, if you're blessed enough to have amazing parents, grandparents, whoever raises you, cherish them. Those memories are what will carry you for the rest of your life. They will carry you. I mean, I can't even say. And my dad used to tell me, just little things. Of course you become your parents as you get older. I mean, I think a lot of us learn that, but my dad used to say, well, unfortunately, I am not having that. Hey, sometimes, you know, bad situations turn out to create great things.

[Melissa]

And one last thing, advice to parents. In this day and age of texting and emailing, handwritten things mean far more than you can ever imagine.

[Radio Host]

Especially when nobody does it anymore, man. Go ahead and try to write two lines now on a piece of paper. Your hand starts to cramp up.

[Melissa]

And the thing is true. And the thing is, once you lose them and you have something handwritten, you'll never realize how much it means to you.

[Radio Host]

Hey, Kathryn, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning you guys.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Caller]

My mom just passed away in January and so this is our first Christmas with her. And I just want to say thank you guys because just yesterday I had two of my friends that I sat and had this very discussion with because I don't even have the heart right now for Christmas. I have no energy or desire for it, but I have to because I have a six year old little girl that absolutely is, you know, around this time is just loves it and wants to celebrate it. I finally got the energy she's been asking to put the Christmas tree up and I finally, we finally did it on Sunday and there were so many things I just had to leave at certain times when we were decorating it. And I just want to say thank you guys because it's hard enough when you lose a grandparent or aunt or uncle or someone, but when somebody you grew up with, like a brother or sister or a mother or father even, whoever it is that raised you did not have them in your life. And that's all you've known all your life and had every Christmas, every celebration with that. To not have been there anymore to celebrate those little moments devastate you so it makes you feel like you're not alone to hear other people and how they handle this because I have been fighting it for so long. And so thank you guys for this. And Melissa, I know you have had a little longer time to have to deal with this. And so I just feel like I feel better listening to you, knowing that eventually it doesn't hurt as much.

[Melissa]

And that's what I was just about to tell you. I'm telling you this will be the worst Christmas. It will only get better from here, I promise you.

[Michelle]

And hopefully everybody gets to this point where you see their presence. I mean, I can't tell you the. I mean I've been driving down 75, 85 listening to Frank Sinatra, you know, remembering my dad or whatever. And I see a truck that looks just like my dad's truck. And I mean they're not common. Cause he tried to like pimp it out like his style or whatever.

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He has like.

[Radio Host]

He didn't have those testicles on the back like intern, did he?

[Michelle]

No, he had like, I don't know, he did all this stuff to his like red Chevy and no lie like in Atlanta. I mean, I'm from Florida, Cocoa beach, you know, there's this truck that looks so similar to him. I'm listening to Frank Sinatra and you have those moments and you feel their presence and once you can get over, yeah, of course your heart's broken, of course you're grieving. But once you could get past that a little bit and think about how they would want you to be, where they would want you to be. I'm still lost for my dad passing. I mean, I'm at one of the most pivotal moments of my life without him being here because like Melissa said, you know, to be able to talk to him about things. My dad was with me through my whole career. He was my best friend. We were. I mean, three hours before he passed away, he called me just because that's what he did. So it's definitely that. But when you can get past that and, like, the memories and you feel them, I don't know, it's just something that they're just there and they let you know in these little ways that they're there. And these little things remind. It's really such a beautiful thing if you can get to that place and you can have that. It's so much more beautiful than you could ever imagine.

[Melissa]

And that's what's helping me with my mom. You know, she's 80 and her body's starting to give out a little bit, so. And we had a conversation last time she was in the hospital, and I, you know, she said, it just really sucks getting this old. And she said, because I still feel the same as I did when I was five inside, but my body's just not doing what I want it to do. And we said, you know what? But everybody has their turn. You know, it's her turn to be old, and it's her turn for her body to break down. It's her turn to be in the last stage of her life. Then it'll be my turn, you know, and that's what I said. I said, it's just your turn. And eventually I'll be there. And eventually Katie will be there. And eventually we all will be there. I will never be there except for Burt and all our children.

[Radio Host]

Eventually, it's my turn for Bowtow.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

This is the bird show.

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[Michelle]

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