Vault: How To Keep Your Sex Life From Going Stale

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: How To Keep Your Sex Life From Going Stale

Date: December 18, 2025
Host: Bert and The Bert Show Cast (Jessica, Jeff, et al.)
Duration of Main Segment: 01:03–12:14

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Overview

In this episode, The Bert Show tackles the topic of how to keep your sex life exciting and fresh, especially for long-term couples who feel things are getting routine or "stale." Inspired by a listener’s concern about her husband’s renewed interest in sex after visits to a strip club, the team opens the phones and brainstorms creative ways couples can reignite the spark, blending humor, real talk, and a flurry of genuine suggestions from listeners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Caller’s Dilemma: When "Routine" Turns Into "Stale"

• [01:03] Bert recounts a recent call from "Jackie," who noticed her husband became more sexually interested after visiting strip clubs, leading her to feel insecure.
  • “What we figured out while we were talking to Jackie was it had very little to do with the strip clubs and just all about routine.” – Bert [01:43]
• Main Insight: The root issue is monotony, not attraction to others.

2. Spicing Things Up: Panel Banter & Humor

• The hosts riff playfully on the word “spicy,” joking about computer-generated voices and playful, sexy talk.
  • Jessica riffs: “I thought I've already used spice. What else can I use?” [02:11]
  • Jeff jokes: “Hey, do you want me to get spicy?” [02:34]
• They stress the importance of active effort from both partners.

3. Listener Solutions: Real Advice From Real Couples

A. Watch Adult Videos Together

• [02:47] Caller Shamika/Kimberly: “I think that they should watch some adult videos.”
• [02:52] Bert expresses concern: graphic scenes can be a turn-off.
  • “Sometimes they just get so close up and so graphic that it can take you right out of the mood...” – Bert [02:52]

B. Experimenting With New Locations

• [03:25] Shamika/Kimberly: “We like weird places.” [04:07]
• Public or unconventional spaces—parks, cars, even strip clubs—can reignite excitement.
  • “I actually went to a strip club with him and it was my idea and I think I was more turned on than he was!” – Shamika/Kimberly [04:22]

C. Collaborative “Bucket Lists”

• Listeners emphasize mutual conversation to create a list of shared fantasies or desires.

D. Borrowing From the Past

• Jessica: Recapturing that “sneaky” excitement of sneaking around when young, like intimate moments in the car, can trigger old excitement. [04:42–05:24]

E. Subtle Hints & Magazines

• [05:24] Bert: Leaves Cosmopolitan articles open to make suggestions without direct conversation—a light, accessible way to communicate desires.

F. Sensual Massages & Daytime Teasing

• [06:05] Caller Kimberly: “A sensual massage. You know, get some oil or some lotion, dim the lights and...do a little sensual massage. Always works.”
• She also advocates for “a little oral pleasure while driving” and mid-day “naughty sweet nothings.” [06:05–06:44]

4. The Role of Novelty and Risk

• Creativity is repeatedly cited as the antidote to monotony.
  • “You have to be creative anywhere...” – Shamika/Kimberly [04:21]
• Public places, empty houses, “role play” and “private dancer” scenarios suggested as ways to introduce excitement and playfulness.

5. Male Listener’s Advice: Beyond the Bedroom

• [08:26] Nate: Suggests non-sexual intimacy as a pathway—shampooing his partner’s hair, giving baths, pedicures, shoe shopping, planning outings.
  • “I found out how to give them pedicures...sexy clothing...picnics...experiencing new things together.” – Nate [08:27]
• The hosts are impressed:
  • Jessica: “There is no way you’re single!” [09:13]
  • Burt jokes: “You talk a good game, bro.” [09:43]

6. Role Playing & The Power of Imagination

• [10:13] Christina: Advocates for role-playing and playful “private dancer” scenarios at home.
  • “Well, why doesn’t she be his private dancer?” – Christina [10:34]

7. Listener Chemistry & Running Gags

• Nate’s useful and charming suggestions spark a “date Nate” wave, with co-hosts pretending to orchestrate a singles page for him.
  • “I mean, I’ve never heard of a guy say that he learned how to do pedicures and did pedicures on his woman.” – Jessica [11:50]
• Playful, flirtatious energy keeps the discussion upbeat and accessible for listeners.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Sometimes...you just have to sit down, come up with ideas that turn both of you on...It’s just like starting all over again.”
  – Shamika/Kimberly [03:25]

• “If you know that about yourself, you shouldn’t [try dirty talk] because sometimes...can take you right out.”
  – Jessica [06:46]

• “You play with a girl’s feet. You got her. Got her.”
  – Nate [09:58]

• “There is no way you’re single!...all these guys need to take notes.”
  – Jessica about Nate [09:13, 11:50]

• “Well, why doesn’t she be his private dancer?”
  – Christina [10:34]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Topic/Quote | |----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:03 | Jackie’s call recap; problem is a stale routine, not strip clubs | | 02:47 | First major caller: watch adult videos together, novelty in intimacy | | 03:25–04:22 | Creative ideas: “weird places,” public locations, making a shared list | | 05:24 | Bert’s Cosmo magazine suggestion for subtle communication | | 06:05 | Sensual massages, playful mid-day gestures | | 07:28 | Risky tryst in an empty house; “role play” scenario emerges | | 08:26 | Nate’s tips: non-sexual intimacy, shopping, outings, wine tasting | | 10:13 | Christina on role play and playful “private dancer” scenarios | | 09:13, 11:50 | Co-hosts amazed at Nate’s single status; laughter & playful banter |

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Tone and Style

• Upbeat, candid, and genuinely funny.
• Inclusive and practical, blending light-hearted teasing with actionable advice.
• Relatable, with hosts and callers sharing personal anecdotes.

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Takeaways: How Listeners Can Keep Their Sex Lives Fresh

• Communicate desires openly, and make a shared, creative list of fantasies.
• Introduce novelty—try new locations, moments, and acts that feel “spicy.”
• Experiment with role play or create fun, playful scenarios.
• Focus on non-sexual intimacy as well—massage, hair washing, shopping, and pampering.
• Approach the subject with humor and teamwork—it's about enjoying each other, not just “fixing” something!

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For more, tune in, join the conversation, or call The Bert Show!

Transcript

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[B]

The Burt show so we took a call from Jackie about 20 minutes ago and she was really concerned. She's been married five years and she said that her sex life with her husband has really kind of gotten stale. And he went out one night to a strip club with a whole bunch of his friends and came back and tapped her on the shoulder and tapped a couple of other body parts too. And she said it was just awesome. Like something happened there that hasn't happened in years and years and years. And then a few weeks after that he went to a strip club again and came home and things were fantastic again. And she's gotten a little insecure about it. Like he's getting all turned on by these women and he's coming home and he's having sex with her. But really what we figured out while we were talking to Jackie was it had very little to do with the strip clubs and just all about routine.

[C]

Right? I think their sex life has gotten boring because neither one of them are really actively doing anything to spice it up between themselves. And so the only time it's spiced up is when he's gone somewhere else and gotten aroused somewhere else and come home. So now what we're talking about is how have couples in long term relationships kept Their sex life. Spicy.

[B]

I kept talking spicy.

[C]

Spicy. That was in the middle of the word. I thought I've already used spice. What else can I use?

[B]

Sounded like the tape wobble there. A little bit spicy.

[C]

I'm really not a computer generated DJ.

[D]

Where they can spice things up and make things fun in the bedroom there.

[B]

That would spice it up. You start talking sexy to him like that. Oh, yeah, Watch out.

[C]

Has that worked for you, Jeff?

[D]

Hey, do you want me to get spicy?

[C]

Jessica's on the way here and she is already hot.

[B]

Yeah. Hey, Lynn. Yeah, go ahead, suggest. How do you get out of that routine and make things exciting again?

[E]

I think that they should watch some adult videos.

[B]

Adult videos? Together?

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Definitely.

[B]

The problem with those adult videos is sometimes that they just get so close up and so graphic that it can take you right out of the mood. Like there should never be that the cam that close. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And if you're gonna see skin bumps. Yeah, right.

[C]

You can see the skin bumps.

[B]

That's too close.

[D]

I don't wanna see a razor burn shot. Right.

[B]

The speed bag cam, that's the one. That's the shot. And I know exactly you know which one I'm talking about.

[F]

No.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll take you right out of the mood. Quick morning. All the hits. Q100.

[E]

Hello, my name is Shamika. I've been in a relationship for seven years. And we've been been through our boring times and how we fixed it was. Both of us knew it was getting boring. I mean, come on. He obviously know too, because he's participating and we just sat down. We came up with ideas that turned both of us on and we apply them. You know when you feel like it's getting boring because it's gonna start back getting boring again, you come up with something that not only turns him on, but you and it's just like starting all over again.

[C]

Any suggestion for Jackie? Like, what is one of the ideas y' all came up with?

[E]

Well, we like weird places.

[C]

Careful.

[B]

Yeah, very careful.

[E]

Weird places.

[C]

Weird places.

[B]

Weird places. You mean like public places?

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Like, where would a public place be, just out of curiosity?

[E]

Well, we. I've tried the park, the expressway. I actually went to a strip club with him and it was my idea and I think I was more turned on than he was. And so now sometimes he's like, hey, they're going to the strip club. You want to go? You know, so I mean, it's just you have to be creative anywhere. Any Just.

[C]

And what's cool is that you guys sat down together and came up with that list. That it was something that was, you know, it was like it wasn't just him coming up with ideas or just you coming up with ideas. It's cool that y' all sat down, actually came up with them together. That's cool. Yeah, I think that, you know, because I'm sure this is common for all couples. Because when you're, like, in. When you're younger and you're not married, and then you. Because, like, one place that I, you know, that would be spicy to me, spicy was. Was a car. Because like, when you're younger and you have nowhere else to go and you're in the car and it's sneaky and it's exciting, and you could get, you know, somebody could come up and catch you. I mean, that's the feeling you had back then. And so it just kind of recreates the feeling if you try that as an adult.

[B]

I've tried to get covert about it every now and then. Like, we get Cosmo at our house, and I'll thumb through it. And sometimes there's some advice in there for women when it comes to sleeping with guys. That is right on. Like, I read it, I'm like, oh, I bet that would be good. And I will set that Cosmo down on the kitchen table with that page open in hopes that she goes right by it and starts reading it.

[D]

Oh, my God. What if Georgian reads it?

[B]

Mother in law.

[D]

Mother in law comes in, reads that. Can't control herself. You're there.

[B]

That's nice. Way icky factors here. Good morning. All the hits. Q100.

[D]

I'm not the one who wrote the song. Stacy's mom.

[B]

Hi, Kim.

[E]

Hi. This is Kimberly. My words of wisdom would be one, A sensual massage. You know, get some oil or some lotion and dim the lights and do a little sensual massage. Always works because the Asian massage parlor seemed to be making a lot of money. Added also, I think give a little jingle in the middle of the day and whisper some naughty sweet nothings into his ear. You know, again, that's always a little bit of a stimulation. And also with taking it out of the bedroom, you know, when you're riding around the car, I've always found this work. A little oral pleasure while driving is really, really a good, good thing to do. And that would be my advice for her.

[B]

Things were getting a little stale, so we decided to do it on the roof of the house.

[C]

Yeah, those are considered all good. Those Are great. Except if the sweet nothings and stuff. Some people aren' at talking dirty. So if you know that about yourself, you shouldn't try it because sometimes I.

[B]

Can take you right out. And the massage is a little overrated too, because isn't it fact that a woman will give massage for like half an hour, then when it's dude's turn, you just put the oil on at five minutes, if you're lucky. Five minutes. Yeah.

[C]

No, if you do it right. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, that's great advice.

[B]

I would say that the woman should probably get her massage first though.

[C]

Yeah, you go first. Yeah, you go first. Should always be the line out of.

[B]

Her mouth and ad. Hey, go ahead.

[E]

I tell you what really helped me and my husband out. We live. We work close together. And we met for lunch at a new subdivision in a completed house that was completely empty.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[E]

And in the middle of the bedroom. And it's carpet. I mean, it was comfortable, but kind of the risk. And it was under contract, so someone.

[D]

So you marked it?

[B]

Yeah, made it your own.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

That's awesome.

[E]

We thought about it like all day afterwards. It really worked.

[B]

So we gotta play role. We gotta role play and play. Real estate agent. And I come in my gold jacket. Hi. Why? Let me show you the living room.

[D]

You're gonna come home. There's gonna be a sign in your front yard with Stacy's face on it. You know the number?

[B]

4004.

[D]

4.

[C]

Stacy, the square footage in here is incredible.

[D]

Have you seen the views out of the back? And the neighbor let you borrow. You want to go to the pool?

[B]

Hey, Nate. Hey, yo, guys.

[G]

What's up?

[B]

What is up?

[G]

Hey, look, this is what I found. It really, really works. Get into your partner with shampooing her hair. Baths are much better than showers because you can give each other a bath. I found out how to give them pedicures. Pedicures.

[C]

Impressive.

[G]

I take her shoe shopping. You know, women love shoes.

[D]

Jen's done.

[B]

Jen's filing for divorce today.

[C]

Call me later.

[G]

And not only shoes, but sexy clothing. Sexy clothing. If, you know, you want to go out with your lady and you want her to look good, you go pick out the outfit with her. Picnics are always good. And, you know, experiencing new things together, like going to Chateau Elan, doing the wine tasting thing and stuff like that.

[C]

There is no way you're single. People are. Are you single?

[G]

Yes, I am.

[F]

Oh, man.

[C]

Oh, people are gonna call up for you, dude.

[B]

Oh, here we go. We're gonna have to get. We're gonna put you on hold, get your number, because the phone calls are gonna start coming in. Are you divorced?

[G]

Yes, I am.

[B]

Okay. How long were you married?

[G]

I was married for seven years.

[B]

So you realized all this stuff after you got divorced, or.

[G]

No, this all happened, actually, during the marriage and everything, but some people just.

[C]

Can'T appreciate a good guy, man, because I. I'm warm.

[B]

You talk a good game, bro.

[C]

Yeah. He said, what do you say? He's shoes.

[B]

Shoes, wine.

[C]

I mean, like, he said all the key words. Massages and pedicures.

[B]

I mean, dude, there's gotta be something wrong. What's wrong with you, dude? You got, like, somebody in your trunk right now.

[G]

Nah, look, you play with a girl's feet. You got her? Got her.

[B]

Hey, Nate. Hold on. I'm sure we're getting calls for you.

[F]

Hold on.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, he's the dirt. He's the dirty shoe salesman.

[C]

They want to date Nate.

[B]

Morning, Christina.

[E]

Good morning. Hey. I am right with Nate, by the way. Like, he sounds like a terrific guy, and I am single, so here they come. I'm all about a pedicure, but. No, what I was going to say for the young lady that called in is try maybe some role playing.

[C]

Some what?

[F]

Role playing.

[B]

Like, where you just show up at a bar and he's there and you're just. Yeah, you're a single girl.

[E]

I mean, yeah, you can do that at the bar, but you can do it at your house also. Like, she said, he was going to the adult entertainment venues and that that was, you know, doing something for him. Well, why don't she be his private dancer?

[D]

Why don't. Why don't we try it now? Why don't you pretend to be a caller to a radio show, and Nate will pretend to be a caller to a radio show, and then you can get a pedicure, and we'll see what happens from there.

[E]

That's a possibility.

[B]

Yeah. It's gonna be impossible for us to continue this because everybody's calling up, wanting a date with Nate. Hey, Nate.

[G]

Hey. Y.

[B]

You ever hear a single guy pager?

[G]

Do I have a single guy pager?

[D]

No, there's. We can't do single guy pager with him.

[C]

Why?

[D]

Because there's a name that's too easy. Date Nate.

[B]

Date Nate. Same premise, different. What? Did you say that already?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. It was good then, too.

[G]

That works for me.

[B]

Hey, let's bring. Let's bring you in next week, okay? And we'll tell you all about single guy page. Because now the phone lines are just lit up with everybody that wants to go out with Nate. Cool date, Nate.

[C]

He's got a good voice.

[D]

Isn't that great?

[G]

That sounds great.

[B]

Isn't that great, Nate?

[F]

Hey.

[G]

Made a phone call and got a hookup.

[B]

Hello?

[D]

We'll have you on next week just after eight. Okay.

[B]

All right, so we will continue that tomorrow.

[D]

Hopefully, you'll find a girl and you can meet.

[C]

I mean, I've never heard of a guy say that he learned how to do pedicures and did pedicures on his woman. I've never heard that. I mean, he's. Yeah, all these guys need to take notes.

[B]

He's talking a good game.

[D]

Even in your world. Does he rate?

[B]

Oh, we're gonna. We're gonna go into Dr. Seuss mode now. Was it fate he called? Oh, here we go. You're up.

[D]

Not gonna get me with that bait.

[B]

To talk about how to rate.

[D]

Nate. Hurry up.

[B]

Crash. You're gonna be late. The Birch show.

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