Vault: Hygiene Tips From Women To Men

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode SUMMARY

Title: Vault: Hygiene Tips From Women To Men
Date: November 7, 2025
Host(s): Jen Hobby, Jeff, Phil (plus Bert Show cast)
Theme: Women reveal the overlooked hygiene details men must fix if they want to impress (and hook up) – a candid, funny, and practical guide.

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Episode Overview

In this light-hearted and honest segment, the Bert Show crew discusses the seven body parts men often neglect but women definitely notice. Aimed at helping men "hook up" with confidence, the cast provides both personal anecdotes and no-nonsense advice on the essential (and sometimes surprising) hygiene details that can make or break a first impression. The discussion is funny, real, and peppered with genuine moments, as well as practical tips any guy can start following today.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Eyebrows

• [01:46] Jen: "You should never, never, never have a unibrow... If they're completely overgrown, you can go in and get them trimmed up a little bit. You could even probably trim them yourself."
• [02:18] Jeff admits to getting his eyebrows done: "It's in the plaza where the Whole Foods is in Sandy Springs."
• Commentary on how common it is for men to groom brows and the initial embarrassment, but it's worth it and normal.

2. Nails (Fingernails especially)

• [03:25] Jen: "She's gonna notice if you've got long, long fingernails, if you got dirt underneath them, if they're yellow, if they're hideous. Long, dirty nails just are a sign to a woman that you normally aren't touching a woman."
• Both men and women should mind nail hygiene; it's a fast giveaway of self-care.

3. Dry Skin

• [04:39] Jen: "It's okay for you to have moisturizer, don't you think?"
• [04:59] Jeff, feeling self-conscious: "Maybe I'm ashy."
• SPF moisturizer is extra recommended to protect skin.

4. Jacked Up Feet

• [05:06] Jen: "If you got jacked up toes and you got jacked up toenails and they're dirty and they're crusty, we notice them. And that can be a definite turnoff."
• The case for pedicures, told with humor about persuading resistant partners.
• [06:06] Jeff's advice for getting men comfortable: "Maybe the first time you need to do it is you do it like at a real nice salon... For 30 minutes to an hour, there is going to be a woman focused on giving him physical attention. And every guy likes that."

5. Ear and Nose Hair

• [07:32] Jen: "It's the equivalent if we look and you've got nose hair popping out and ear hair popping out. Same thing as women having a mustache."
• [07:56] Phil’s solution: "Groom yourself."

6. Yellow Teeth

• [07:57] Jen: "Yellow teeth are a huge turnoff for women. So, you know, get some of those Crest White strips or some whitening toothpaste or something like that... Take care of it."

7. Back Hair

• [08:24] Jen: "Even if you got a shirt on, if you got a tuft of hair sticking out of the back of your collar, she's gonna notice it and it's gonna definitely diminish your chances of hooking up."
• Entertaining recount of seeing "a fur turtleneck coming out" on a diner.
• [08:50] Jen: "If you got that, you know, creeping out the top of your shirt, she's totally going to notice it and think about what it looks like with your shirt off."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Men Hesitant About Grooming:
  "It's not embarrassing as a guy to go in and get your eyebrows done." — Jen [02:54]
  "I'll admit it, the first time or two, it was like a little traumatic. But then...you'll pass another guy or something. So, like, I agree with this list." — Jeff [02:56]

• Making Hygiene ‘Sexy’:
  "Because if you, as a guy, if you go in to get some of this stuff done, you will eventually notice other guys in there. And then you're like, okay, well, this is cool." — Jeff [03:09]

• On Nail Care Judgment:
  "Long, dirty nails just are a sign to a woman that you normally aren't touching a woman." — Jen [03:25]

• Motivating Hesitant Men:
  "For 30 minutes to an hour, there is going to be a woman focused on giving him physical attention...and every guy likes that." — Jeff [06:41]

• On Realizations:
  "There are a lot of guys who went 0 for 7 who are really going to have a hard time going out this weekend." — Jeff [08:59]
  "You don't have a hard time going out. This. We can just fix it." — Jen [09:09]

• Final Recap:
  "Eyebrows, nails, dry skin, jacked up feet, ear and nose hair, yellow teeth and back hair. Seven things you guys gotta take care of. Cause we notice, we pay attention." — Jen [09:20]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Description | |-----------|---------|-------------| | 01:46 | Eyebrows | Why men should mind brow grooming | | 03:25 | Nails | Why nail care matters for attraction | | 04:39 | Dry Skin | Normalize moisturizer for men | | 05:06 | Feet | Pedicures, crusty toes = no go | | 07:32 | Ear/Nose Hair | The mustache equivalent | | 07:57 | Yellow Teeth | Whitening tips, quick fixes | | 08:24 | Back Hair | “Fur turtlenecks” and how women notice them |

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Tone & Style

The episode is classic Bert Show: playful, unfiltered, and practical. The hosts banter openly, tease each other, but ultimately deliver real advice with an inviting, non-judgmental tone, making it easy for men to listen, laugh, and (hopefully) learn.

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Bottom Line:
Women notice the details. Men—take care of your eyebrows, nails, skin (including feet!), ear/nose hair, teeth, and back hair. It’ll help your confidence—and your chances—this weekend and beyond!

Transcript

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[Host (possibly Jen Hobby)]

Listen, it's the vert show.

[Jen Hobby]

All right, so for the guys that are going to be getting ready today to go out this weekend, get their groove on, maybe they're going to go out to vision and party with phone hottie Wendy for her 21st birthday or whatever. Guys, if you're going out to hook up, you got to pay attention to this list. And ladies, you're going to agree with me on this one, because I read it and I'm like, yep, yep, yep. It's seven body parts that men don't think that women notice, but we do. We notice these on you guys. Okay, so we're just gonna just go right down this list and you guys help me out here if you've got any advice to contribute for the guys. We're helping out the guys. We're gonna help them hook up this weekend.

[Jeff]

And this is the. Like, you had read just one?

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, I just read one of them to Jeff and yeah, he. He liked it.

[Host (possibly Jen Hobby)]

Okay, so these are parts that women notice on guys.

[Jen Hobby]

Women notice these on you guys. But you guys don't think you have to do anything to take care of these body parts, but you do. Number one eyebrows. Okay, fellas, you don't have to have them sculpted. Certainly we don't want you to have over, you know, thinner eyebrows than we do, but you should never, never, never have a unibrow. And if they're completely, completely overgrown, you can go in and get them trimmed up a little bit. You could even probably trim them yourself.

[Jeff]

Don't try that. No, I wouldn't. I mean, that's dangerous. That's on your face.

[Jen Hobby]

Do you get your eyebrows cleaned up?

[Jeff]

I do.

[Jen Hobby]

Where do you go to get it done? You're like, I don't know if I.

[Jeff]

Want to know the name. I don't even know the name.

[Phil]

He doesn't want to give his secrets away.

[Jeff]

It's in the plaza where the Whole Foods is in Sandy Springs.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. Is it like a nail shop that also does, like some eyebrow stuff or.

[Host (possibly Jen Hobby)]

Is it just the Home Depot on Lindbergh?

[Jen Hobby]

An eyebrowist?

[Jeff]

No, it's a nail shop. It's where Jessica goes. So that's where I go.

[Phil]

The whole food shopping center at Sandy Springs?

[Jeff]

Yeah. Huh.

[Jen Hobby]

So, yeah, you gotta clean em up.

[Jeff]

You know where in the back there's the Canton Cook's Chinese restaurant.

[Jen Hobby]

Okay.

[Jeff]

Right next to it, there's the.

[Phil]

Whatever the place is.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah. Oh, okay.

[Jeff]

Right there.

[Jen Hobby]

It's not embarrassing as a guy to go in and get your eyebrows done.

[Jeff]

I'll admit it, the first time or two, it was like a little traumatic. But then like every now and again, you'll pass another guy or something. So, like, I agree with this list. And you can thank Jessica for my agreement of it. Because if you, as a guy, if you go in to get some of this stuff done, you will eventually notice other guys in there. And then you're like, okay, well, this is cool.

[Phil]

And it's like if Jen says, if the woman is paying attention to it, I mean, it's an investment into your sexual life. I know. That's what guys most important thing is.

[Jen Hobby]

Exactly. All right. Two on the list is your nails. She's gonna notice if you've got long, long fingernails, if you got dirt underneath them, if they're yellow, if they're hideous. Long, dirty nails just are assigned to a woman that you normally aren't touching a woman. Okay. Like, you are not hooking up very often. If you got long, dirty, crusty fingernails and she doesn't want those rubbing all over her body. And that's what you want to do with your hands. Right. So clean them up and go to the nail shop again. Same place you can get the eyebrows done and the nails done. Now, I ever, ever been able.

[Phil]

Because I agree with that. And that's men or women. I mean, if you don't, I just. Yeah, the. The whole unkept, you know. Yeah. No, you gotta take care of your hands. Take care of your hands because people will notice your hands faster Than they notice other things.

[Host (possibly Jen Hobby)]

I can't bring myself to go in and get a pedicure. I know I need to eventually. I don't know, because that my biggest nervous habit is biting my nails. And I've always done it my entire life, and I know I need to.

[Phil]

So they're not a pedicure's your feet.

[Host (possibly Jen Hobby)]

I'm sorry, Toenails.

[Jeff]

You're very flexible. Can I see you by your toenail?

[Jen Hobby]

All right, next on this list is dry skin. Okay? So we need to debunk the fact that men don't have beauty products. It's okay for you to have moisturizer, don't you think?

[Jeff]

Right.

[Jen Hobby]

And I can add my two cents. You got to add some moisturizer with some SPF in it. Okay. To make sure you don't get really.

[Jeff]

Starting to feel self conscious sitting there. Jen hobby. Because I feel like she's going to be very critical of me.

[Jen Hobby]

Why?

[Jeff]

I don't know. Maybe I'm ashy.

[Jen Hobby]

Women just notice dry skin. So get some moisturizer. You know, she'll definitely appreciate that. Now this one Phil just actually touched on. But women notice your jacked up feet. Okay? It's summertime. Men are wearing mandals. And if you got jacked up toes and you got jacked up toenails and they're dirty and they're crusty, we notice them. And that can be a definite turnoff.

[Jeff]

Let me try to sell the whole manicure pedicure package this way. Cause I'll honestly, there's the wax and.

[Phil]

Like, for Phil, manicure is for your hands and pedicures are for your feet. Right.

[Jeff]

Like, if you're. This is either for guys who are like on the fence about it or for women who are looking for a way to sell their guys on it.

[Jen Hobby]

I'm looking for a way because my husband takes care of his hands and his feet at home. But I think it would really be good. Like, I think he would enjoy it. It would be awesome if he went. But there is no way I could. I couldn't get him in there kicking and screaming.

[Jeff]

But I like, maybe the first time you need to do it is you do it like at a real nice salon. You don't go to like one of those nail shops type of thing, you know, like the nail talk and tan type of a place and every other strip mall. But like, go to like a nice salon, like spotlight type place and take your guy, you know, give your guy a gift certificate. And the sell is for, I don't know. 30 minutes, like, he is going to have a woman paying physical attention to him. Rubbing, like, because there's. They massage and they put like oil on and the whole thing.

[Phil]

Paraffin.

[Jeff]

Yeah. And like, there's gonna be a whole, like, for 30 minutes to an hour, there is going to be a woman focused on giving him physical attention.

[Phil]

Right.

[Jeff]

And every guy likes that. So it's the initial. Like, I know, I know this makes me sound very Bert, like, but it's the initial. Like, get in there and get it done. You know what I mean? Like, it's the initial, get it done. And then once you. Once you're done, no reason to be scared.

[Phil]

There's a woman paying attention to you, and then in the end, there'll be another woman paying a lot more attention to you because of what you've done.

[Jen Hobby]

And I don't know if you've had this experience, Jeff, but when I get finished with the manicure pet, I can't stop looking at my hands and my feet. Do you not look at them? And you're like, man, yeah, they look good.

[Jeff]

I think the difference is with. Because you guys will get all polished and stuff. Guys just get their, you know, nails cut and stuff. So I don't. I don't think I do that.

[Jen Hobby]

All right, so fix your jacked up feet. Also, ear and nose hair. Women notice this kind of stuff. It's the same thing as women that have visible facial hair. It's not gonna be really attractive to you guys if a woman's got like a bunch of facial hair. So for. It's the equivalent if we look and you've got nose hair popping out and ear hair popping out. Same thing as women having a mustache.

[Jeff]

Clean it up.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Phil]

Groom yourself.

[Jen Hobby]

The next one on the list is yellow teeth stained and yellow teeth are a huge turnoff for women. So, you know, get some of those Crest White strips or some whitening toothpaste or something like that, mouthwash, you know, take care of it. And then the last thing on the list of parts that men think women don't notice, but we really do, is back hair. Even if you got a shirt on, if you got a tuft of hair sticking out of the back of your collar, she's gonna notice it and it's gonna definitely diminish your chances of hooking up.

[Host (possibly Jen Hobby)]

This weekend, we're sitting at a deck at a restaurant this weekend, and there was a dude sitting next to me, and there's some guys were just hairy and you could see the shave line right at his neck, like right around his entire neck where he would shave all the way down to here and sprouting up from underneath his collar on like, like it was a fur turtleneck coming out.

[Jeff]

Like he's wrapped in a towel underneath there.

[Host (possibly Jen Hobby)]

Yes. Was hair just coming out of everywhere. And it was a dude and he was with his wife and I was like, that annoyed me.

[Jen Hobby]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's one of those things that if you got that, you know, creeping out the top of your shirt, she's totally going to notice it and think about what it looks like with your shirt off.

[Jeff]

Just so you know, the majority of guys who listen to that were doing a yes no thing in their head. And I, there are a lot of guys who went 0 for 7 who are really going to have a hard time going out this weekend.

[Jen Hobby]

I know you don't have a hard time going out. This. We can just fix it.

[Jeff]

I know you wanted that to be a helpful, nice, kind list, but there are guys who are like, I don't even have a chance. I got a hairy back, yellow teeth.

[Jen Hobby]

Here you go. Eyebrows, nails, dry skin, jacked up feet, ear and nose hair. Yellow teeth and back hair. Seven things you guys gotta take care of. Cause we notice, we pay attention.

[Jeff]

Perfect. Thanks, Jen.

[Host (possibly Jen Hobby)]

Hobby Listen it's the Vert show.

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[Jeff]

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