Vault: Idiot's Guide To Cramming

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Idiot's Guide To Cramming

Air Date: January 9, 2026
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Jeff, Becky, Melody)
Main Theme:
A real, humorous, and practical guide to surviving finals week – particularly for those college students who leave studying to the last minute and find themselves pulling all-nighters. The cast and listeners share their own cramming methods, cautionary tales, and quirky tips, building an "Idiot's Guide" to pulling off those sleepless, stressful study sessions.

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Episode Overview

As the University of Georgia and other colleges face finals week, The Bert Show cast reminisces about their own “cramming” horror stories and crowd-sources the best (and worst) practical advice for students pulling all-nighters. Listeners call in with tips, do's and don’ts, and hilarious misadventures. The tone is light, a bit irreverent, and deeply relatable for anyone who's faced the panic and madness of last-minute studying.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Universal Cramming Experience

• Finals week stress is a universal college experience. Almost everyone has gone into finals thinking “this semester will be different,” only to end up fried and making desperate last-minute efforts.
• Jeff and Becky joke about failed intentions to be proactive and the creeping acceptance that last-minute "whatever's on the paper is all I can do" (02:07–02:20).

2. Studying Tactics: Myths, Strategies, and Survival Stories

Cramming Schedules

• The group discusses various cramming schedules, such as studying for the nearest test first and pushing the rest to the last possible hour (02:24–02:40).
• Myths like “waking up at 2 a.m. before the test for better retention” are debated, but mostly debunked by the cast as wishful thinking (02:40–03:00).

The Nature of Cramming

• Melody captures the cramming struggle:
  “You’re stressing out so much while you’re cramming that you read the same page 10 times… all I'm doing is stressing about having to memorize it. I'm not actually memorizing anything.” (02:59)

Memory Retention (or Lack Thereof)

• Jeff jokes about how nothing is retained post-exam:
  "I would love to give people finals like 72 hours after they actually take the finals." (03:13)
  "Because you wouldn't have anything left at all… the minute it leaves your brain and gets down on the paper...” (03:19).

3. The Idiot’s Guide – Rules, Tips & Hilarious Warnings

Caffeine and Other Stimulants

• Jeff's PSA:
  "Don't poop yourself." (05:30)
  He warns about trying caffeine pills for the first time during finals: "I practically crapped my pants of my history pre-1812 final... Not only will it give you a buzz, but I have heard the rumors of what coffee does to your, you know, metabolism." (04:53–05:10)
• The cast agrees: Don’t drastically alter your typical caffeine or eating habits before an all-nighter (05:44–06:07).
• Becky echoes this, telling a story of a friend who drank a whole pot of coffee and ended up vomiting before her exam (06:07–06:26).

Old School Study Tactics

• Caller: “Read your notes out and tape record them, then play them on repeat all night – even as you sleep, hoping the info sticks subliminally.” (06:33–06:50)
• Callers and Cast: Reciting essay prompts aloud, using flashcards, repeating information visually, and for visual learners, making them colorful and decorative with markers, smiley faces, and glitter (08:09–10:11).

The Napping Trap

• Caller: “If you’re up, just stay up all night. You will fall asleep during your final if you try to nap. No ‘I’ll just lie on the couch for 15 minutes’ – that will become three hours, and you’ll miss your final.” (07:26–08:09)

Energy Drinks – Double-Edged Swords

• Caller: "Stocking up on energy drinks" gets you through the night, but the cast humorously speculates about the spike in Red Bull sales on campus (10:15–11:17).
• It’s agreed if you use energy drinks or coffee, EAT food with them or you’ll end up jittery and incoherent (11:48–12:04).

Food & All-Nighter Locales

• Nursing student caller: Endorses IHOP for 24/7 food, comfort, and a study-friendly environment (11:28–11:47).
• Caller Laura: “Adderall, Waffle House, and coffee” as the "ultimate" combination, but with a caution: “Just don’t overdo it, because you’ll get the shakes.” (14:47–15:28)

The Adderall Discussion

• Multiple callers push “Adderall” (a prescription ADD/ADHD medication) as a magic bullet for all-nighters. The hosts joke about sourcing it from “ADD friends” but also (implicitly) spotlight the ethical and legal gray areas of stimulant misuse (13:36–14:45).

Choosing the Right Study Focus

• Caller Melody: "Don't try to relearn a whole semester in one night. Pick out the highlights and buzzwords." (12:08–12:43)
• The perils of studying the wrong material or wrong book are real; “class rage” ensues upon discovering this after the fact (13:27–13:31).

Study Groups – Pick Your Friends Wisely

• “The only thing missing from the winning combination is a study group with the smart person who’s actually been going to all the classes.” (16:34–16:53)
• The hosts emphasize cozying up to “producer Tracy” types—the ultra-prepared classmates.

Practical, Odd Tricks

• Becky: If you use a stress ball or fidget object while studying, bring it to the exam—your brain might retrieve info when holding it (15:58–16:27).
• Melody: “Make sure you know the room your final is in—it could mess you up running to the wrong place after an all-nighter” (15:29–15:58).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the Futility of Cramming

• Jeff: "The minute it leaves your brain and gets down on the paper … gone out of the head, man." (03:19–03:33)

On Caffeine Backfiring

• Jeff: "I practically crapped my pants of my history pre-1812 final." (05:03)
• Becky: "Don't drink a whole pot of coffee for the first time ever before an exam – you will puke your way there!" (06:07–06:26)

On Never Napping Before Finals

• Caller: "If you're up, stay up all night. You will fall asleep during your final if you try to nap." (07:33–07:42)

On Prescription Study Aids

• Caller: "Adderall. It's for ADD. It helps you study, helps you learn everything, keeps you up all night." (13:39–13:53)
• Melody: "Find your ADD friends early in the semester and then rely on them when it comes to finals." (14:10–14:16)

On Study Groups

• Caller: "The only way you'll make sure you have all the right answers is study group with the smart person who's been going all semester." (16:46–16:53)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:07 – Realization that every semester feels the same: “This is going to be different… I’m going to do this right.”
• 02:40 – Discussion of cramming schedules, cramming myths.
• 03:13–03:33 – Forgetting everything after the test, humor around knowledge “leaving the body.”
• 04:53–06:26 – Cautionary tales about caffeine, including “disaster pants” and “vomit on exam morning.”
• 06:33 – Caller tip: Tape recording notes to play on repeat.
• 07:26–08:09 – Danger of napping and oversleeping finals.
• 08:09–10:11 – Techniques: memorizing essays, flashcards, marking up notes visually.
• 10:15–11:17 – Energy drinks as a crammer’s best friend (and enemy).
• 11:28–11:47 – IHOP/Waffle House strategy for food and ambiance during all-nighters.
• 12:08–12:43 – Advice: focus only on what’s important, don’t try to cover everything.
• 13:36–14:45 – Adderall and prescription drug (mis)use to study; ethical issues.
• 15:58–16:27 – Physical triggers and object association for better recall.
• 16:34–16:53 – Importance of having the dedicated, diligent classmate in your study group.

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The Bert Show’s “Idiot’s Guide to Pulling an All-Nighter” – Summed Up

Do's:

• Stick to your normal routines with caffeine, drinks, and food.
• Use practical tools: flashcards, study guides, summary sheets, and repetitions.
• Study with groups, especially with someone who kept up all semester.
• Use study objects/fidget tools both during prep and the test.
• Eat real food, not just rely on energy drinks and coffee.
• Know where your final is being held.
• Prioritize – focus on the most important material, not every single chapter.

Don'ts:

• Don’t try new stimulants or radically change your diet for the first time before a big exam.
• Don’t try to nap if you’re going all night—you’ll likely miss the final.
• Don’t attempt to learn the entire semester’s content in one night.
• Don’t use prescription medication not prescribed for you.

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Final Words

This episode is a high-energy, laugh-out-loud collection of do’s, don’ts, and war stories, serving as a humorous therapy session and real guide for students staring down the barrel of finals week.

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For more cramming stories and the full list of “Idiot’s Guide” tips, listeners are directed to allthehitsq100.com.

Transcript

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[Jeff]

The Bird Show.

[Radio Host]

This is the week that UGA students are taking their finals here, guys, remember.

[Becky]

Oh, God.

[Radio Host]

Let's go back quite a ways here to our colleges. You know that last couple of weeks of the semester and how completely stressed out you are. Papers and finals and sometimes two and three finals on the same day.

[Becky]

And you know how it's always like, let's say the month before finals comes. You tell yourself, okay, this is gonna be different. You know, I'm really gonna do well.

[Melody]

I'm really gonna go out.

[Becky]

Yeah, exactly. I'm gonna set up a system in which I'm going to do this right. And then by the time finals comes, your brain is so fried that you say, screw it, I'll. Whatever. Whatever's on the paper is all I can do. That's all I can give you. And just see, you know, and then you Know it's the odds on what your grade's gonna be.

[Radio Host]

Did you do this where you tried to space out like you're cramming because you knew like you had a test on Tuesday, but you had like three on Thursday so you'd only study for the test for. And then on Wednesday you use that time to study for all three of the other tests?

[Becky]

Or how about the theory that your brain will absorb more information if you get up at 2 o' clock in the morning before the exam? Right. Did you ever hear this theory that you get some sleep but then you get up about two or three o' clock in the morning and then you study right before the exam? Apparently you're supposed to retain more knowledge or some crap like that. I tried that too.

[Melody]

You're stressing out so much while you're cramming that you read the same page 10 times and you're like, God, I gotta remember this. God, I gotta remember this. I gotta memorize it. I gotta. And then you're like, okay, I've read 10 times and all I'm doing is stressing about having to memorize it. I'm not actually memorizing anything.

[Jeff]

I would love to give people finals like 72 hours after they actually take the finals.

[Radio Host]

Nothing.

[Jeff]

Because you wouldn't have anything left at all. I mean, the minute it leaves your brain and gets down on the paper like, oh yeah, I remember they had the overthrow of Russia.

[Caller]

Okay, got that.

[Jeff]

Gone. Like you write it down.

[Caller]

Gone out of the head, man, it's.

[Jeff]

Going from brain to arm to hand to pen to God, forever empty.

[Radio Host]

All right, we're going to need your help on this. If you successfully pulled all nighters and took your finals the next day, what we'd like you to do here is create an idiot's guide to pulling an all nighter for any of the students that over the next couple of days have to pull these all nighters and cram for their finals. And I know some of you are going to call up and say you're encouraging students to wait till the last minute.

[Jeff]

Well, it's the last week of finals, you dumbass. Shut the hell up.

[Radio Host]

And they're going to do it anyway. Since there was the first college. You know what, right? All nighters happen. We all wait to the very last minute. So Shaky phone club.

[Jeff]

I will. I'll start it off with a hint that I learned the hard way. Because going to college I, or even I've never been a fan of coffee, never had, never drank coffee, never. I mean the most caffeine I would have would be, you know, like a soda every now and again. And I don't even, even to this day. Like, if Bert sees me getting a soda out of the vending machine, he know, he's like, ooh, late night last night. Because I don't, I just don't drink caffeine. So. Yeah. And I was never a big soda fan, so, like, it was always juice and water. So I decided to take one of them caffeine pills after, after cramming once.

[Radio Host]

They look so small. Like, how could this possibly get me? Keep me up all night.

[Jeff]

Well, not only did it keep me up, but I practically crapped my pants of my history pre1812 final. So you have to remember that not only will it give you a nice buzz, but I have heard the rumors of what coffee does to your, you.

[Radio Host]

Know, it jacks you up your metabolism for sure.

[Melody]

Right?

[Jeff]

So I took the pill, went into the class and got, you know, I was, you know, halfway through an essay on the, you know, us revolution or something, and all of a sudden, hello.

[Radio Host]

So your, your addition to the Idiot's guide to pulling an all nighter would.

[Jeff]

Be don't poop yourself.

[Radio Host]

Well, if you have something a little bit better than that. 404-741-1005. So you would say if you don't normally take caffeine, that's not the night to start. Or at least keep it to a couple of cups.

[Jeff]

I will even expand on it. Don't drastically alter your either. Eating, drinking, whatever habits. Like if you normally, like if you've heard some rumor that eat a big meal before, you know, like, don't just try to stay as normal as you can. If you have to stay up all night, do it. Try to maintain everything as status quo as possible. Like, you know, runners aren't supposed to buy new shoes right before a big race, that type of thing.

[Becky]

I think I'm going to keep this right on the caffeine though, because I think for exams, like going on what Jeff said, it can come out the other end. I had a friend who never drank caffeine and made a pot of coffee and drank the whole pot before the exam and puked her way to the exam. Yeah. Because it upset her stomach so badly. So I'm going to just stick with if you don't drink caffeine, don't start now.

[Radio Host]

Stay away from it. Becky. Hi, guys. Hi. We're gonna take you off the voice disguiser. What are you gonna add to the Idiot's Guide to Pulling an All Nighter for finals.

[Caller]

I would read my notes out and tape them. Read them out loud and tape record them and then just play them over and over again all night. I would put my boombox on repeat and just keep going all night.

[Radio Host]

So as you were sleeping, you thought subliminally you were getting those messages in your head so you'd keep them up all night.

[Caller]

Yeah. It works. It has worked for every class I've ever taken. That's all I've ever done. And you graduated from University of Florida.

[Radio Host]

Good morning, Micah.

[Caller]

Hi. How are you doing?

[Radio Host]

Good. And yourself?

[Caller]

I'm doing great. I'm a big fan. Listen to you every chance I get.

[Radio Host]

Thank you very much.

[Caller]

Well, I just want to tell you I'm an architecture student at Southern Polytech. Okay. Pull an all nighter two, three times a week on a good week.

[Becky]

Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah. So I've learned from experience, if you're pulling an all nighter and let's say you got a class at 8 o' clock in the morning and you think you want to pull.

[Melody]

Oh, I don't know.

[Caller]

I'll go home and get an hour's sleep. Don't do it.

[Becky]

So if you're up, just stay up all night is what you're saying.

[Caller]

If you're up, stay up all night. You will fall asleep in your. During your final. You have a better chance of staying awake and passing your final if you don't go to sleep.

[Radio Host]

I agree with that.

[Becky]

Also, I agree with that. I did that before I forgot what it was like some science class or something. And I did the let me just take a little nap. And I ended up running because he was. The professor was really strict about you can't be late or whatever. So I ran across campus in my night shirt. Like I threw a pair of jeans on and put my hair up in a ponytail. Look wretched. But I got to class on time and he laughed at me when he had me in the exam because obviously I had slept right up to the time.

[Radio Host]

And don't start playing those mind games with yourself. Like at 3:30 or 4 in the morning where you go, you know what? I'll just lie on the couch for 15 minutes. 15 minutes is three hours and you're gonna miss your final. Good morning, Autumn. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[Jeff]

Hey.

[Caller]

I actually had my final yesterday in.

[Radio Host]

What and at what school?

[Caller]

Georgia State.

[Radio Host]

Okay.

[Caller]

And yeah, I totally crammed the night before, but then I had to go to work Monday, so I got to school early yesterday and me and one of my friends, we had this huge essay question that we had to memorize. And she's one of those teachers that wants you to memorize every detail or she marks the whole thing wrong. So we sat there and we kept calling back the essay question to each other, like reciting it out loud and like rewriting it over and over and over again.

[Radio Host]

So you memorize your essay questions?

[Caller]

Yeah, and I memorized it all for the whole, for the test. But today I couldn't tell you any of it. But it got me through the test.

[Radio Host]

That's the crappy thing about cramming is you're not going to read like Jeff said. I mean as soon as the test is over, it's gone, it's out of the pencil, out of the pen, gone.

[Melody]

You know what always worked for me was flashcards. I know it sounds so elementary school, but when you had a lot of vocabulary to remember or, or like just a lot of like little facts to remember. In different classes I always did flashcards cause I'm a visual learner. So if I could see like the big word on one side and the meaning on the other, I could somehow recall that when I was at the test. So that definitely helped with all nighters cause it was like a way to like actually write it out and that way you're kind of learning and then be able to visually remember it and flip it.

[Jeff]

There's Jen Hobby somehow evolving crafts into what she's doing.

[Melody]

Yes, and markers and colors. Yes, very fun.

[Radio Host]

404-741-1005 it's the idiot's to cramming for a test or you know, pulling your.

[Jeff]

All nighter and all the words that she had on the vocabulary cards had that special sorority with the dots at the end of every, like on the end it had the little big, the big dots at the end of every.

[Radio Host]

Angle so that smiley faces over the eyes, right.

[Jeff]

And they're all very cheerful and there's.

[Becky]

Somehow glitter involved and there's little daisies all around it too.

[Jeff]

The important word. She wrote the word with glue and then sprinkled glitter on it.

[Radio Host]

Good morning.

[Melody]

Really important ones, right?

[Radio Host]

All the hits. Q100.

[Caller]

Good Morning Berkshire.

[Becky]

How are y'?

[Caller]

All?

[Radio Host]

Good, how are you?

[Caller]

I'm good. Okay. I know that this last week I've been taking finals and the big thing that I was doing, I was stocking up on energy drinks.

[Becky]

Uh huh.

[Caller]

Like all through the night and somehow or another I was still hyper in the morning. So I'm like skipping the class and trying to get my, you know, test done, but it seems to work. I don't know, maybe I'm add and it just reacts that way.

[Becky]

So energy drinks is your suggestion?

[Caller]

Yeah, energy drinks through the night and you'll be set for the morning.

[Jeff]

I'd love to.

[Radio Host]

Was your energy drink of choice.

[Caller]

Right now it would probably be full throttle.

[Radio Host]

Okay. And what school are you talking about?

[Caller]

Georgia State University.

[Radio Host]

Congratulations on getting.

[Becky]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

I'd love to look at Red Bull sales, like the two weeks around finals on like a college campus, you know, and just see what percentage. You know, they probably do 30% of their business the last two weeks of the year.

[Radio Host]

You know what I mean? You could probably make a fortune on college campuses also, like, do it like.

[Jeff]

An ice cream truck.

[Radio Host]

Yeah, man.

[Jeff]

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Radio Host]

Come through with the Red Bull.

[Jeff]

Hey, the Red Bull truck is here. All these zombies are out at your window.

[Radio Host]

It's like Night of the Living Dead.

[Melody]

It's like the beer tub girls. You know, normally they have like the Bud Light chicks selling the beer in every corner. Do the Red Bulls.

[Radio Host]

Good morning, Olivia. You're on all the hits Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, I'm @ nursing school at Georgia State and last semester when we pulled an all nighter before one of our exams, we went to.

[Radio Host]

IHOP. Why.

[Caller]

IHOP? IHOP is open 24 hours a day. And when you are starving and you feel like you can't learn anything else, you just have to go to IHOP and they'll be happy and cheerful and serve you really good food and you can study while.

[Becky]

Eating.

[Radio Host]

Okay. IHOP it.

[Melody]

Is. I think that's a good point too, is that you should eat, especially if you're gonna do these energy drinks or you're gonna do a whole bunch of coffee or whatever. You can't do those things with no food in your.

[Jeff]

System. You're taking the test like this? Yeah, I'm good. No, I'm. Seriously, I'm fine. If you can just hold my hand steady, I'll write the words. I just crap.

[Radio Host]

Myself. Hey, Melody. You're on all the hits.

[Becky]

Q100. Good.

[Radio Host]

Morning.

[Caller]

Hi. I know a lot of people have said they've got food and drinks and all that stuff, but the most important thing is make sure that you pick out the important things that you're supposed to learn. So many people try to learn like, you know, 10 weeks or a 16 week semester in one night. And you can't do that. It's just impossible. So you really should Focus and pick out the highlights of what went on in class and not try and read, you know, six chapters in one night or.

[Radio Host]

Whatever. Okay, so just the important stuff. Because if you try doing important.

[Caller]

Stuff, pick out your buzzwords, you know, pick out the topics that were discussed in class, study your notes, but don't try and read, like, every chapter that you went.

[Radio Host]

Through. Got.

[Jeff]

It? I know. So I know somebody that I went to college with who totally screwed up during one of our finals. And the way that, you know, this is one of those teachers that 50% of the grade is the midterm, and 50% was the final. And it was all based on, like, one book. And he studied the entire. Wrong book, didn't pay attention to the class, went in, read the whole entire book, studied the whole. He's like, got it all wrapped up. I know everything about presidential history before 1800. And we're like, dude, the finals. 1800.

[Becky]

1899. Oh, that's like class rage. Not road rage, but class.

[Radio Host]

Rage. You're pulling fire alarms to get everybody out of school at that point. Hey, Kate, you're on all the hits.

[Caller]

Q100. Okay, I have one word for you.

[Radio Host]

Adderall. Adderall. What is.

[Caller]

Adderall? It's for. It's a drug for add. Okay, so. So it helps you study, it helps you learn everything, and it. And it keeps you up all.

[Melody]

Night. It's true. I did take somebody's riddle in one.

[Caller]

Time. I mean, you can't go.

[Radio Host]

Wrong. Save.

[Melody]

That. Just stay up and.

[Radio Host]

Study. How do you get your hands on Adderall? I mean, I'm guessing it's prescription drug.

[Caller]

Right? It's a prescription drug, but, you know, friends will give it.

[Radio Host]

Up. All right, so you gotta go to all your friends and ask them if they're on.

[Melody]

Adderall. Find your ADD friends early in the semester and then rely on them when it comes to.

[Jeff]

Final. Yeah, they like.

[Becky]

To. Hey, dude, I just need a little hit. Just a little hit, okay? Just a little hit right.

[Jeff]

Now. I like to hang out at school yards on recess and look at the kids spazzing out on the swing set and then try to make a.

[Becky]

Deal with them before they head back in through the.

[Jeff]

Fence. I go out with Crash after and shake down eight year olds. Hey, dude, you got eight. What do you got?

[Becky]

Adderall.

[Jeff]

Ritalin. What do you.

[Advertiser]

Got? What do you.

[Becky]

Got? I got a final coming up, dude. Come on, help me out. Help me.

[Jeff]

Out. I got to tickle me Elmo in the.

[Radio Host]

Car. If we had a Dollar for everybody that was calling up talking about Adderall, we'd all be rich and out of the.

[Becky]

Show. Are you.

[Radio Host]

Kidding? Good morning, Laura. You're on all the hits.

[Caller]

Q100. Hi. I am graduating from UGA this semester. I'm actually all done, so I just have to walk. But I have the ultimate way to stay up all night. Okay, what you do first of all is usually they give you a study guide. Write down all the answers to the words or whatever on the study guide and consolidate that onto a couple sheets of paper. Then you take some Adderall, and then you go to the Waffle House. And the ladies up there are really nice, especially the one at Five Points. They're great, and they'll keep you in coffee. And anytime you get hungry, just have your waffle, your egg sandwich, and you're good to.

[Radio Host]

Go. So the winning combination is Adderall, Waffle House, and.

[Caller]

Coffee. It's perfect. Just don't overdo it, because you'll get the.

[Radio Host]

Shakes. All.

[Melody]

Right. Did you guys ever have a final given in a room that wasn't your normal.

[Radio Host]

Classroom?

[Melody]

No. That screwed me up one time because, you know, you're cramming, you're staying up all night, you have no sleep, you've got all this information rattling around in your brain, and you show up in the classroom where you normally were in the class, and the final's not.

[Radio Host]

There, and it takes you out of your routine a little.

[Melody]

Bit. Totally takes you. Totally throws you off. So you gotta go to some other random auditorium. And I remember just, like, running across campus and to make sure I could find it. So I would say also make sure you know where the classroom is, where it's being.

[Becky]

Given. I have one more that I forgot about that. Actually, a professor suggested that really did help. If you are playing with anything, like if you have one of the stress balls or if you have, you know, a can of Coke or whatever you have in your hand at the time you're studying, take it to the classroom with you. Because somehow your brain will associate whatever you're playing with with whatever you were learning at the time, and it can help you retain that information. So I forgot what I use. Like, even Silly Putty at Putty one time. I think Ava knew Silly Putty and went into the exam with.

[Radio Host]

It. Okay, all of these are gonna be posted on allthehitsq100.com Again, it's the idiot's guide to pulling an all nighter for your finals. Becky, you'll be the last caller.

[Caller]

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[Becky]

Morning. Good.

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[Jeff]

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Real. The only way you'll make sure you have all the right answers is study guide and you're cramming for the right.

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Group. Exactly. All right. Go to all the hits q100.com for.

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