Vault: Inside Bert's untouchable wiffle ball pitch with Brian McCann.

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault - Inside Bert's Untouchable Wiffle Ball Pitch with Brian McCann

Date: May 13, 2026
Guests: Brian McCann (former MLB catcher), Bert Show hosts (Bert, Jeff, Smoltzi, etc.)

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Episode Overview

This episode is a comedic and nostalgic deep dive into Bert’s legendary “untouchable” wiffle ball pitch, with special guest MLB star Brian McCann. The conversation blends sports banter, friendly ribbing, and reflections on youthful competition, all while promoting an upcoming charity celebrity softball game for the Rally Foundation. The tone is lively, self-deprecating, and full of camaraderie characteristic of The Bert Show.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Myth & Madness of Bert’s “Untouchable” Pitch

• Nostalgic Storytelling: Bert regales the crew and Brian McCann with tales from his college days at San Diego State, where an invented round-robin apartment wiffle ball league took on “Olympic” seriousness.
• The Pitch's Mystique:
  • Bert describes his signature pitch as starting high in the strike zone before “breaking” hard and low, making it impossible to hit.
  • Bert:

    “It started really high in the strike zone. Really high. ... And it would also break inside so hard. ... It wasn’t possible to hit it.” (03:12, 03:50)

  • Smoltzi likens it to a cartoon, “like one of those cartoon birds when you get hit on the head. It just went all over the place.” (03:07)
• Brian’s Professional Skepticism:
  • Brian admits unfamiliarity:

    “I played a lot of wiffle ball growing up, but I don’t... I’ve never heard of a pitch like this.” (04:14)

  • References advanced wiffle ball pitchers on YouTube, prompting a geeky side chat about weird wiffle ball physics.

2. The Comeback Attempt – Bert’s (Failed) Search for Glory

• Epic Quest for the Right Ball:
  • Bert describes a “pathetic” journey to find the classic wiffle ball, involving multiple sports stores and eventually buying 15 balls when he finally finds the right one.
  • Jeff:

    “It’s a hero’s journey.” (07:24)

  • Bert aware of the mockery:

    “I am aware of how pathetic the story is.” (07:28)

• Physical Toll & The Admittance of Defeat:
  • Despite hours of practice at the YMCA and an aching arm, Bert confesses:

    “I can’t find the pitch, man. ... It’s gone. It’s gone.” (06:58, 08:14)

  • The show pokes fun at Bert’s age, rehab levels, and “world’s longest excuse.”

3. Challenge to the Pros – “Could a Major Leaguer Hit It?”

• Bert’s Dream Deferred:
  • Bert had always dreamed of challenging a “real” major leaguer such as Brian.
  • Sadly, he admits:

    “...if I come in here and I throw this thing to you, you’re gonna hammer me. So I would rather forfeit and say I don’t have the pitch anymore.” (08:27)

  • Brian is a good sport, gamely agreeing to a future challenge if Bert “finds the pitch.” (09:29)
• Friendly Trash Talk:
  • Talk turns to whether Chipper Jones or other Braves would also want to face the fabled pitch, with Bert joking about pitching through the Braves lineup. (09:36)

4. Rally Foundation Celebrity Softball Game

• Event Details:
  • Brian McCann shares info about the charity game and home run derby benefiting the Rally Foundation for childhood cancer research.
  • Brian:

    “It’s just a great cause, and you get to meet these kids and they melt your heart.” (10:19)

  • Tom Glavin passed the mantle to Brian; includes players like Chipper Jones, Andrew Jones, and various local personalities.
  • Event specifics:
    • Location: Russ Chandler Baseball Field at Georgia Tech
    • Home Run Derby at 6:30 PM, game at 7 PM, $10 entry (13:09, 13:11, 13:17)
• Softball Banter:
  • McCann jokes:

    “All I want to do is beat Chipper in a home run derby. That’s basically all I want to do.” (11:45)

  • Conversation about bragging rights and playful rivalries among Braves alumni.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Bert’s Legendary Pitch:
  • “The real question is, what didn’t it do?” — Bert (02:53)
• On Trying to Relearn the Pitch:
  • “I bought 15 wiffle balls. ... I threw for 45 minutes, man. And I can’t find the pitch.” — Bert (08:00)
  • “All I want to do is beat Chipper in a home run derby.” — Brian McCann (11:45)
• Self-Deprecating Humor:
  • “No, Brian, they didn’t have motion pictures back then.” — Smoltzi, making fun of Bert’s age (08:22)
  • “That was gone a long time ago.” — Smoltzi, when Bert laments his lost youth (08:51)
• On Competition:
  • “If you have that in your blood, like you want to win, you want to beat these guys. Right.” — Bert (12:35)
  • “This is bragging rights for 162 games.” — Brian McCann (12:41)

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Segment Timestamps

• 01:01 — Episode start, Bert introduces Brian McCann and the context for the story.
• 02:13 — Bert’s college wiffle ball origins.
• 03:02 — Breakdown of the “untouchable pitch.”
• 04:45 — Recap of Bert’s arsenal of wiffle pitches.
• 06:08 — Bert’s quest for the right wiffle ball begins.
• 07:28 — Bert finally finds the ball; confesses the epic (and embarrassing) search.
• 08:27 — Bert admits defeat; the pitch is lost to history.
• 09:21 — Brian agrees to a future challenge if the pitch is ever rediscovered.
• 10:13 — Discussion shifts to the Rally Foundation and details of the celebrity game.
• 11:45 — McCann sets his sights on Chipper Jones in the upcoming home run derby.
• 13:04 — Final logistics: opening times, ticket price, website.
• 13:23 — Closeout: Bert vows to keep looking for the pitch.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode perfectly encapsulates The Bert Show’s charm—mixing nostalgia, humor, playful sports obsession, and sincere community spirit. While the untouchable pitch remains missing, the mutual respect and ribbing between Bert, Brian McCann, and the team make for a delightful listen, with a meaningful charity event at its heart.

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Transcript

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[Burt]

Bert Show Good morning.

[Brian McCann]

Q100.

[Burt]

Yes. Hey, I got a question for you. What type of wiffle ball is it that you have? Because if you have the wiffle ball with the holes in it or if it's a solid wiffle ball, that's going to change the pitch completely. Yeah, that's part of the story here that I will detail for Brian McCann right now. So that has a lot to do with the story I'm about to tell.

[Smoltzi]

It appears that Burt doesn't have any balls with him today.

[Burt]

Oh, you don't even know Brian. How are you?

[Brian McCann]

I'm doing good. How are you doing?

[Jeff]

That sounds like an awkward phrase. Awkward.

[Burt]

Thank you. Thank you for coming in this morning.

[Brian McCann]

Thanks for having me.

[Burt]

We're gonna talk about the rally foundation. We're gonna talk about the softball game on Friday night and all that. But has Jeff prepared you?

[Brian McCann]

I've heard a little bit about this

[Burt]

pitch from what was supposed to happen today.

[Brian McCann]

Not. Not at all.

[Smoltzi]

Just so you know, up until a half hour ago, Bert had ice on his shoulders.

[Burt]

I will tell you that this did get pretty pathetic a couple of days ago. But let me go back back to my San Diego State days when I was a year.

[Jeff]

Brian, how old were you? 20 years ago?

[Brian McCann]

Five.

[Jeff]

Okay, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Burt]

While you were tooling around on your big wheel.

[Brian McCann]

Yeah.

[Burt]

I'm in college at that point and I have four roommates and you know, we're all 18, 19, 20 year old dudes or whatever.

[Smoltzi]

You've probably heard the same story from Smoltzi. So if you want stop it, you can.

[Burt]

So you know you just make up these superficial games just to compete with each other. You probably do the same thing with all your boys right now, right?

[Brian McCann]

Oh, yeah.

[Burt]

So Wiffle ball was our game of choice in our apartment. Four guys competing all summer long, each and every day, taking it very, very seriously. Well, I realized in week one of our round robin tournament that I had an unhittable pitch. Brian McCann.

[Brian McCann]

What did it do?

[Burt]

The real question is, what didn't it do?

[Brian McCann]

If you hold the wiffle ball a certain way, it does. Did it hook real bad on you? It or did it rise?

[Burt]

Let me try and explain it to you, because even as a major leaguer, you might have a tough time, probably.

[Smoltzi]

It was like. It was like one of those cartoon birds when you get hit on the head. It just went all over the place.

[Burt]

It really did. Like, it started way up here, and it started really high in the strike zone. Really high. Like, Jeff suggested we do this today here in the building. And let's do it. We could. I can't because it breaks higher than 10. It starts higher than 10ft. And how do you throw this? I'm telling you, man, it's got to

[Brian McCann]

be a certain Wiffle ball then.

[Burt]

Well, I'll get to all of that.

[Brian McCann]

Okay, so.

[Jeff]

Oh, don't rush the legend. You didn't realize this because you're inside of the movie Big Fish, right?

[Burt]

That is so not true. All of These details are 100 true.

[Jeff]

Oh, sit tight for the story, my friend.

[Burt]

I would throw it into the sky. It would hit the bottom of a plane and it would come down and. And it would also break inside so hard. And it would start on the. It was high and upper left hand part of the strike zone. And it would break so low and to the right at your knees. It wasn't possible to hit it.

[Brian McCann]

And you could throw it for a strike every time.

[Burt]

Every time. And, you know, I had my other pitches, but that was my out pitch.

[Brian McCann]

Okay. I played a lot of wiffle ball growing up, but I don't. I've never heard of a pitch like this.

[Burt]

You have never seen anything like this.

[Brian McCann]

There's a guy on YouTube that throws a wiffle ball. Pretty. You gotta. You gotta check it out. It's amazing.

[Burt]

What's it.

[Brian McCann]

What you can do with it?

[Burt]

What do you think his does?

[Brian McCann]

He shows it and it rises. He throws as hard as he can, and it rises and hits a strike zone every time.

[Burt]

So it'll start like at the floor and then rise its way up. I had a pretty nasty riser also. Because you know, if you're gonna go undefeated a whole summer, you have to have more than just one pitch.

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely.

[Burt]

So there was a curve, there was a knuckle, there was a scrooge, but there was the unhittable, unhittable pitch.

[Smoltzi]

You also smoked a tremendous amount of weed in college, too, didn't you?

[Burt]

This I was crystal clear about.

[Brian McCann]

Okay.

[Burt]

Even between hits, this was crystal clear.

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All right.

[Burt]

So I've always had in the back of my mind, man, I wonder if a major leaguer could hit this thing. Just somewhere stored in the back of my head 20 years ago. So Jeff says, you're coming in today. And I'm like, this is it, man. This is the opportunity I've always waited for. Let's go ahead and do this. I mean, you potentially could be in the hall of Fame someday. Who knows? I mean, you're hitting.300. This is going to be perfect. Because this is not like me pitching against some guy that is sometimes up at triple A. Other times, you're the man. So Jeff said, it's on Brian.

[Jeff]

The best. Only the best in the major leagues are. Is worthy to try to receiving the. I love how he talked about, it's not like somebody that goes down and triple and goes back up now, because it's that easy.

[Brian McCann]

It's that easy to play. I gotcha.

[Burt]

Okay. To be the best, you got to beat the best.

[Brian McCann]

We need to set it up in the park.

[Burt]

Well, let me tell you why it's

[Jeff]

not happening, because I'm here. Because you said, Bert, earlier, before Brian came in, that it wasn't happening, and you'd explain. And I'm thinking, oh, well, it had something to do with the fact that Brian couldn't do it. But Brian's sitting here going, no, no,

[Burt]

no, I never said that. So I took it very, very seriously. And if you're a competitor, you know, it doesn't matter what you're competing in, you want to win.

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely.

[Burt]

So I took this very, very seriously. I wanted to bring back this pitch. So last week, and now I know this is going to get pathetic. I go to Dick's Sports, and I go, I don't have a wiffle ball in the house. So I go to Dick's to go get a couple of balls, just to throw it around a little bit, make sure it's, you know, it's been 20 years since I threw the pitch.

[Smoltzi]

That's a funny sentence.

[Jeff]

I know.

[Burt]

So I go to Dick's to get a wiffle ball. And the old school wiffle balls are gone.

[Brian McCann]

Really?

[Burt]

They're not there. So they've got something called a junk ball now which just has some holes in the middle and you have to sort of relearn it. But I'm like, you know what? I can relearn this. So I get about six of them and I go to the YMCA up here at Hammond in the middle of the day and I start throwing against that tennis backboard. Yeah, over and over and over. I couldn't find the pitch, man.

[Smoltzi]

I couldn't find it because they jacked with your equipment.

[Jeff]

Do they still manufacture the ball?

[Burt]

Well, it's not done yet.

[Jeff]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Burt]

So I spent half an hour out there throwing.

[Brian McCann]

Okay.

[Burt]

I'm a 42 year old guy that hasn't thrown anything in years. So my arm is falling off of my body at this point. But I am determined. So I start going from sporting goods store to sporting goods store looking for the right wiffle ball. Dude.

[Brian McCann]

Oh no.

[Jeff]

Is that what I'm talking? Sad?

[Burt]

No, it's pathetic.

[Jeff]

It's a hero's journey.

[Burt]

I am aware of how pathetic the story is. So finally I end up at the Sports Authority over by Petsmart in. In Buckhead. And I go in the back section and the angels started to sing, man. It was almost like there was one beam of sunshine on the wiffle ball section and there it was, the correct wiffle ball.

[Smoltzi]

Not only are you do you have this unhittable pitch, but you also have the world's longest excuse.

[Burt]

Well, no, no, that's really not an excuse. So I go and I get like.

[Jeff]

I appreciate the passion. I appreciate the passion of going from store to store.

[Burt]

Dude, I bought 15 wiffle balls.

[Brian McCann]

That's impressive.

[Burt]

15 of them.

[Brian McCann]

Do you have it here with you?

[Burt]

No.

[Jeff]

Why?

[Burt]

Because I went out and I used the same bag, 15 of them. And I threw for 45 minutes, man. And I can't find the pitch.

[Brian McCann]

Really?

[Burt]

I did everything I could. It's gone. It's gone.

[Brian McCann]

Is there any tape of this pitch

[Burt]

I was practicing over and over and over again?

[Smoltzi]

No, Brian, they didn't have motion pictures back then.

[Burt]

I wanted to go back out over the weekend, but my arm was so damn sore from throwing the first day that I can't find the pitch. And I've tried and tried and tried and. And it's got no break on it at all. And I figured if I come in here and I throw this thing to you, you're gonna hammer me. So I would rather forfeit and say I don't have the pitch anymore. Oh, man, it was a sad day. My youth is officially gone.

[Smoltzi]

No, that was gone a long time ago.

[Burt]

The reality of it now, it's gone.

[Brian McCann]

I wish I could face that pitch.

[Burt]

I will work on it.

[Brian McCann]

All right.

[Burt]

I won't have it together on Friday. I'll try. I'll try to find it again today, but I don't know what else I can do that I haven't tried already, because believe you me, there's nothing more I wanted. I might have quit the industry after that. Had I struck you out, I might have gone to an island somewhere and that would have been it. So it won't happen today, but I hope someday it does.

[Brian McCann]

Oh, I'll be waiting.

[Jeff]

And thanks for being a good sport, for saying that you would play along with Burt's little game.

[Burt]

If I find it, do I have a shot to throw it against you?

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely. Okay, we'll set it up.

[Burt]

Because as Jeff said, I think that if I can get it by you, then Chipper's gonna want piece of it

[Brian McCann]

and I can take him down probably.

[Burt]

All right. And I could go right through the lineup.

[Smoltzi]

Well, like that dude, they made the movie from the. For the Pittsburgh Steeler guy who ended up getting a walk on position at age 40.

[Burt]

Yeah. What was that dude's name? The guy that he was on the special teams.

[Brian McCann]

Yeah, whatever that was. The Eagles.

[Burt]

The Eagles, yeah. Well, thanks for coming in today, man. We won't see the pitch on Friday, but this is going to be a good time on Friday night.

[Brian McCann]

It's going to be a blast.

[Burt]

Yeah.

[Brian McCann]

Excited to get it. Softball game going. Chipper's gonna be there. Andrew Jones is gonna be there. We'll have a home run derby. And, you know, it's gonna be. It's gonna be a fun time for sure.

[Burt]

So this is for the Rally Foundation?

[Brian McCann]

Yep.

[Burt]

Which is what?

[Brian McCann]

It's research for childhood cancer.

[Burt]

Okay.

[Brian McCann]

So it's, it's, it's. It's just a great cause, and you get to meet these kids and they melt your heart.

[Burt]

And when did you guys. When did you get involved? This is not your organization. Right. This is a net nationwide organization.

[Brian McCann]

Yes. We got involved two years ago. Tom Glavin had it, and he was on the end of his career and moving on with something else. And I was in a perfect position to take over. And my wife and I have been nothing but helpful to this thing.

[Burt]

Awesome, man. So. And the game has all these Atlanta Braves in it, but there's a whole bunch of personalities from TV and radio that are Going to be playing in it also, right?

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely. David Pollock is playing in it. A lot of other guys are playing in it. I can't think of right now, but it's going to be a blast.

[Burt]

Jeff was telling me, like, the lineups for both teams, there's like 40 deep on both teams.

[Brian McCann]

It's going to be a long day.

[Burt]

This game is going to start at 8 and be over at 3 in the morning.

[Brian McCann]

Man.

[Smoltzi]

It's going to be like Little League game where it's going to get about to the fifth inning and some people are just going to say, let's go get ice cream.

[Burt]

Absolutely.

[Smoltzi]

Everybody bails.

[Jeff]

And can everybody come out and watch it? Like anybody can come out and watch this game?

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely. You show up and. And it's going to be fun.

[Burt]

Is it a. It's down at Georgia Tech, Right?

[Smoltzi]

What's the name of the stadium?

[Jeff]

Russ Chandler. Baseball.

[Smoltzi]

Baseball field.

[Burt]

Oh, that's like the official Georgia Tech.

[Smoltzi]

The big one. Yeah.

[Brian McCann]

Oh, wow.

[Burt]

So we get to play on a real field.

[Brian McCann]

Yeah.

[Burt]

All right, Cool.

[Brian McCann]

All I want to do is beat Chipper in a home run derby. That's basically all I want to do.

[Burt]

Who's competing in that? The Home Run Derby?

[Brian McCann]

Me, Chipper. Andrew Jones. There's going to be a guy that hits home runs, softball home runs for. That's what he does. So it's going to be impressive to see him hit the ball. And there's a couple other guys.

[Smoltzi]

So are you guys. The Home Run Derby, is it going to be softball home runs or they.

[Brian McCann]

It's going to be softball home run. So it's something that we've never done before.

[Jeff]

And it's slow pitch softball. Right.

[Brian McCann]

It better be.

[Burt]

I was saying the same thing.

[Brian McCann]

I don't think I could hit anything that's coming fast right now.

[Burt]

And how far are the fences in softball?

[Brian McCann]

I'm not sure how far it's going to be, but it's usually like 250ft, I think.

[Jeff]

Okay, and what is it normally on the baseball field?

[Brian McCann]

400 to dead center. 330 down the lines.

[Jeff]

Gotcha.

[Burt]

But as I said before, there's something about competing. Like, if you have that in your blood, like you want to win, you want to beat these guys. Right.

[Brian McCann]

This is bragging rights. Absolutely, I want to win. This is bragging rights for 162 games.

[Burt]

Because if you lose, he's got to ear Chipper in his ear the entire season.

[Brian McCann]

Something I don't want to hear. Right.

[Smoltzi]

So were you pr. Like, were you like, warm up for this. Like practice for this or you're just

[Brian McCann]

going to go straight? I hope I swing and miss. No I'm not. I'm not going to swing at all. I'm just going to go and see what I got. Okay.

[Burt]

So it's Friday night, the gates open. I think I read at 6 o', clock, right?

[Brian McCann]

Yep.

[Burt]

And then there's the home run derby

[Brian McCann]

at 6:30 and then the game starts at 7. Okay.

[Burt]

And you can get all the information up online right [e-mail] 10 bucks a person.

[Smoltzi]

10 bucks a person.

[Burt]

Again, 10 bucks a person. Am I missing anything here?

[Brian McCann]

That's it. That's, that's good.

[Burt]

Cool. We'll see you on Friday night, man.

[Brian McCann]

Absolutely.

[Burt]

And I will work on that pitch. Someday it will be you and I, friend. Awesome. It will be right here. All right. Thank you.

[Brian McCann]

The Birch show.