The Bert Show — "Vault: Introducing Hoss"

Episode Date: November 18, 2025
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
**Summary by The Bert Show Cast: Bert, Jamie Massey, Melissa, Jen, Hoss (new member), and callers

Episode Overview

This high-spirited episode heralds the arrival of Hoss, the Bert Show’s newest cast member. The team introduces Hoss to listeners in their signature fun, irreverent style—probing his background, poking fun at his Southern roots, and crafting a set of challenges designed to welcome him (and throw him in the deep end) of Atlanta’s social scene. The episode is equal parts playful hazing, genuine curiosity, and camaraderie as the cast and callers help Hoss make his mark.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Welcoming the New Guy — Hoss’s Introduction (01:33–03:36)

• The show reflects on the rarity of adding new members, noting that Hoss brings fresh energy.

• Hoss shares his recent chaotic move from North Carolina to Atlanta, compounded by attending a wedding and adapting to a city much bigger than he's used to.

  Quote:
  Hoss: “It’s been crazy. Crazy. I had to go to a wedding this weekend and a wedding on top of moving, on top of driving three hours down here, it’s just…it’s just insane. Absolutely insane.” (02:52)

2. Background Check — Getting to Know Hoss (03:33–04:48)

• The hosts quiz Hoss on his roots: Hoss grew up in Charlotte, went to Appalachian State, and worked with the well-known Ace & TJ radio show.

• His recent stint in Raleigh was brief, leading up to his Atlanta arrival.

  Quote:
  Hoss: “I went to college. A little small school called Appalachian State.” (03:41)
  Bert: “You started working in radio for a morning show in Charlotte that people that listen to this show know about…Then he took off and went to Raleigh for about, what, three weeks, I think.” (03:50)

3. Atlanta Growing Pains — Adjusting to a Big City (04:48–06:46)

• Hoss confesses he’s become a “hermit,” barely venturing out of his hotel and getting lost whenever he does.

• The team's banter underscores Atlanta’s confusing layout for newcomers—listeners and hosts empathize with tales of directional disasters.

  Quote:
  Hoss: “Charlotte and Raleigh combined aren’t as large as this city. I mean, it’s just absolutely insane.” (06:16)
  Jamie Massey: “I remember when I moved to Atlanta, it took me about nine months before I felt like I knew where I was going.” (06:36)

4. Hoss’s Personality & Quirks: Fan Feedback and Celebrity Comparisons (06:54–09:20)

• Multiple callers and the cast point out that Hoss’s voice resembles Bill Clinton’s (cue impersonation).

• The team teases Hoss about being a bit of a “mama’s boy,” his mother creating color-coded, laminated checklists for him even at 24.

  Quote:
  Melissa (prompted by callers): “Say that you didn’t have sexual relations with that woman.”
  Hoss (in Bill Clinton voice): “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” (07:06)

  Hoss: “Mom’s a kind of bit of a nerd. She likes to make spreadsheets and likes to laminate everything that you can think of.” (08:58)

5. Relationship Status and the Atlanta Social Scene (07:21–12:11)

• Hoss is single, having just broken up with his girlfriend.

• The crew jokes about his club attire—showing up in “polo and shorts” for a dressy night out.

• Differences between Southern small cities and Atlanta’s nightlife are highlighted; Hoss admits he’s unfamiliar with the city’s hotspots.

  Quote:
  Bert: “So he shows up to my house, and he has, like, shorts on. Like…was it a T-shirt or polo shirt?”
  Hoss: “It was a polo.” (11:38)

  Hoss: “And in Raleigh, they have like, maybe three, four clubs combined between the two cities. And you can wear anything you want in there. I mean, there’s no dress code, there’s no dressing.” (11:56)

6. Fun Facts & Rapid Fire Q&A (09:32–12:53)

• Hoss answers questions about his family (he has a younger brother, now a college freshman), and demonstrates his ability to answer random trivia—e.g., “Why is poop brown?” (“Bile,” he answers matter-of-factly).
• The team tries to match him to a celebrity lookalike (Brendan Fraser is mentioned, causing mock offense).
• Hoss describes his typical night out: dinner with friends, followed by bar hopping.

7. Listener Interactions – Old Fans and Deep Fears (13:02–13:59)

• A caller from Charlotte recognizes Hoss and shares tidbits for Atlanta listeners.

• Revealed: Hoss has a crippling fear of snakes, once even crying on air during a snake-related “bit.”

  Quote:
  Bert: “You got a fear of snakes, dude?”
  Hoss: “Come on.”
  Bert: “Yeah. Bad fear of snakes.”
  Hoss: “Bad.” (13:39)

8. The MySpace Challenge & Atlanta Integration Assignment (14:22–18:50)

• The show concocts a humorous but heartfelt “integration” assignment: Hoss must create a MySpace page, amass Atlanta-based friends, and begin to document his local adventures (with meetup challenges and photo slideshows).

• They list area hotspots (Peachtree Tavern, Moondogs, Claremont Lounge, Bulldogs) and set the expectation that, very soon, Hoss will be Atlanta’s “most well-known and popular person.”

• The crew promises to promote Hoss’s MySpace page and ensure listeners send suggestions and invitations.

  Quotes:
  Jen: “What we would like to have you do is embrace this city using MySpace…” (16:07)
  Bert: “You should be prepared to go out on a date tomorrow night with somebody that has become your friends on MySpace.” (17:23)

• Bert personally promises Hoss a rite of passage: an inaugural trip to the iconic Claremont Lounge strip club.

  Quote:
  Bert: “I am taking you…to your first strip club. I am going to take you to a place called the Claremont Lounge. Okay?” (18:09)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Why He’s Not Explored Atlanta Yet:
  “Every time I get in my truck, I get lost every time I've got in my truck.” – Hoss (04:32)

• On His Mom’s Packing Skills:
  “She likes to make spreadsheets and likes to laminate everything that you can think of.” – Hoss (08:58)

• On A Night Out in Raleigh:
  “My boys. Definitely. Definitely friends.” – Hoss (11:06)

• On Hoss’s Celebrity Doppelgänger:
  “Brendan Fraser says Massey, maybe.” – Bert (08:13)
  “Oh, I don't like you right now.” – Hoss (08:18)

• The “Snake Bit” Confession:
  “At my last...my last day with...Ace and TJ, they made me do a...a snake bit, and I end up crying.” – Hoss (13:47)

• On Upcoming Assignments:
  “You have 24 hours to do that. We'll meet back around the same time tomorrow morning. We'll talk about your page, and then we'll get you out on the town starting tomorrow night.” – Bert (17:46)

Important Timestamps

• Introduction to Hoss – 01:33
• Recap of Hoss’s Move & Atlanta Woes – 02:35–06:30
• Rapid-Fire Background & Q&A – 08:32–12:10
• Call-In: Hoss’s Radio Past & Snake Fear Confession – 13:02–13:59
• Laying Out the MySpace & Atlanta Integration Challenge – 14:22–18:50
• Show Wrap, Assignments, and Farewell – 18:50–19:09

Conclusion

This episode is a quintessential Bert Show blend of humor and heart. By the end, listeners not only meet Hoss (in all his awkward, earnest, and endearing glory) but are invited to engage directly—both online and in person—to help make Atlanta feel like home for the newcomer. From “snake bit” stories to tales of laminated checklists, it’s a playful and communal introduction, setting the stage for future adventures.

“Great to have you part of the team, D. Really excited to have you part of the whole thing.” – Bert (18:50)

For those just tuning in: This episode introduces the new Bert Show member Hoss, offers behind-the-scenes high jinks, and launches an ongoing public challenge to immerse Hoss in Atlanta, with plenty of laughs and local flavor.