Vault: Is a sexual affair always a deal breaker?

Summary

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The Bert Show — Vault: Is a Sexual Affair Always a Deal Breaker?

Date: June 29, 2026
Episode Theme
Exploring whether sex outside of marriage necessarily signifies the end of a relationship, spurred by actress Mo'Nique’s public statements on openness in her marriage. The hosts and callers share their own perspectives and experiences on fidelity, honesty, jealousy, and what truly constitutes a "deal breaker" in marriage.

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Main Theme Overview

The episode dives into an honest, sometimes humorous, always candid discussion about whether sexual affairs outside of marriage are inherently relationship-ending. The catalyst is a recent Barbara Walters interview with Mo'Nique, who openly shared that for her and her husband, sex outside the relationship is not a deal breaker—as long as there’s honesty. The Bert Show cast and listeners react, debate, and reflect on their own boundaries and the meaning of trust.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Mo'Nique’s View on Marriage and Infidelity

• Mo'Nique’s Interview Excerpt
  • Cheating is defined not by sex, but by lying and deceit.
  • Openness to both partners having sex outside marriage, provided honesty is maintained.
  • Quote:
    • “Could I have sex outside of my marriage with Sydney? Yes. Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal breaker. That’s not something that we would say, oh my God, because you are attracted to another person and because you happen to have sex, let’s end the marriage.” — Mo'Nique (01:43, 08:08)
  • The couple's foundation is a strong, long-term friendship.
• The panel clarifies: Mo’Nique and her husband are not swinging, but simply permit physical relationships with others if both are honest. (02:39)
• The distinction between “cheating” and “consensual non-monogamy.” (03:13)

Reactions from The Bert Show & Callers

Traditional Perspective:

• Several male and female callers express strong discomfort, emphasizing jealousy and exclusivity as vital to their marriage.
  • Quote:
    • “I couldn't. I'd be jealous... Hell no.” — Caller, Male Perspective (02:56)

Nuanced & Cultural Views:

• Ashley (Caller):
  • Shares that, in her culture, men sometimes view extramarital sex as an “activity,” not a betrayal.
  • She deeply loves her husband, sees their relationship as more than just sex, and while it would hurt, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.
  • Quote:
    • “As much as that would hurt, it wouldn't be a deal breaker.” — Ashley (04:57)
    • “There's just so much more to our marriage. There's just so much more of a partnership, so much more of a deep connection than that.” (07:02)
• The conversation notes that not all women (or couples) can or should feel this way; there’s value for Monique in her confidence and her prioritization of emotional connection rather than sexual exclusivity.

Open Relationships — The Rules & Emotional Boundaries

• Becca (Caller):
  • Open relationship with strict rules: no emotional attachment and a maximum number of times with the same partner (no more than three times).
  • Honesty and disclosure are non-negotiable.
  • For Becca and her husband, occasional sexual experiences outside the marriage actually strengthened their marital connection.
  • Quotes:
    • “As long as it's not betrayal and as long as it's not anything besides the physical...we're both okay with it.” — Becca (10:18)
    • “It makes us closer. It makes us want to be with each other more.” (12:09)

Differentiating Non-monogamy and Betrayal

• Multiple callers agree emotional cheating would be a deal breaker, but not necessarily physical, provided there’s honesty.
• Some see non-monogamy as a negative, admitting they’d never be secure enough, while others see benefits or just “recreational” sex outside the relationship.
• The importance of mutual understanding, consent, and transparency is recurrently emphasized.

Skepticism and Cultural Commentary

• Summer (Caller):
  • Sceptical about Mo’Nique’s stance, predicting heartbreak.
  • Suggests that tolerance of affairs can be rooted in low self-esteem.
  • Quote:
    • “This is a joke. Please. Of course she cares. ... It’s low self-esteem.” (15:33)
• The hosts and others reference public attention on women in high-profile marriages often ending after career peaks.

The Changing Face of Marriage

• The hosts reflect on changing norms and the high failure rate of traditional marriages.
  • Quote:
    • “The longer I’m married, I get why people do what they do ... If that’s what’s working for Monique, I hope it works for 100 years. I don’t think I’d suggest it in my house, though.” — Host Bert (16:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mo'Nique, reiterating her philosophy:
  • “Cheating is when you lie and are deceitful ... not when you have sex outside of the marriage.” (01:38, 07:56)
• Ashley on mature acceptance:
  • “If he did ... I would definitely be upset. I'm not gonna say it wouldn't hurt me ... but it wouldn't be, like Monique said, a deal breaker.” (05:18)
• Becca on open marriage dynamics:
  • “If it's just one time and we're honest with each other, then we're both okay with it.” (11:31)
  • “It makes us want to be with each other more ... it just makes us have this stronger connection.” (12:09)
• Host reflection on traditional vs. nontraditional marriage:
  • “Traditional marriages ... they're not working. 60% of those marriages are busting up. So what are you doing to break the mold?” (16:53)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Mo'Nique Interview (defining cheating, openness): 01:31, 07:56–08:45
• Ashley’s perspective (cultural lens): 04:13–07:02
• Discussion on jealousy and emotional security: 07:21–07:50
• Becca’s open marriage, practical details: 10:12–14:09
• Summer’s skepticism and cultural critique: 15:28–16:27
• Host panel’s take on evolving marriage norms: 16:40–end (17:10, prior to ad section)

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Conclusions & Takeaways

• The concept of sexual exclusivity as the linchpin of marriage is not universal; for some, honesty and friendship are more important than monogamy.
• Listeners and hosts alike admit many wouldn’t be comfortable in an open relationship, but curiosity and acceptance of nontraditional relationships are growing.
• Emotional fidelity and honesty remain paramount—deceit, not sex outside marriage, is most often cited as the true “deal breaker.”
• The episode is a candid, funny, and sometimes vulnerable look at how real couples handle temptation, jealousy, and the evolving landscape of long-term commitment.

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Note:
This summary focuses solely on the substantive conversation, omitting all advertisements, sponsor segments, and unrelated showbookends.

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Transcript

[Narrator]

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[Host Bert]

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[Co-host or Producer]

All right, so Monique here, she wins the Academy Award on Sunday night.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Supporting actress for Precious.

[Co-host or Producer]

People are buzzing about her, but it's her personal life, not only her professional life, that really has people intrigued here. And this kind of attitude about marriage seems like she would be the only person in the world that would accept this kind of thing. But there's gotta be Burt show listeners that follow the same rules.

[Co-host or Commentator]

It sounds like they both agree on it. Monique was sitting down with Barbara Walters and talking about her marriage with her husband Sid.

[Host Bert]

You have said cheating is when you lie and are deceitful. Yes. Not when you have sex outside of the marriage.

[Monique]

Yes.

[Host Bert]

Do you and Sid have sex outside of the marriage?

[Monique]

Do we have sex outside of the marriage? Let me say this. I have not had sex outside of my marriage with Sydney. Could I have sex outside of my marriage with Sydney? Yes. Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal breaker. That's not something that we would say, oh, my God. Because you are attracted to another person and because you happen to have sex, let's end the marriage.

[Host Bert]

But what if it's not once? What if it's what if?

[Monique]

It's 20 times. Yeah, what if and what if?

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

So what?

[Host Bert]

You wouldn't care.

[Monique]

That's not something that would make us say, pack your things and let's end the marriage. Because we've been best friends for. Is it over 25 years and we truly know who we are. Truly.

[Co-host or Producer]

Now she's not saying that they're swingers, Right?

[Co-host or Commentator]

That's not what I get.

[Co-host or Producer]

She's not saying that. She's saying that if he wants to go out and have a physical relationship with somebody else, so long as he's honest with her about it, it's cool. He can do that 25 times and it's not a deal breaker for her and vice versa. Who could live with that in their marriage?

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

I couldn't. I'd be jealous. I'd be. Ma, you're sharing the same thing with somebody else that you've been sharing with me and only me. Hell no.

[Co-host or Producer]

And again, swingers don't call up. I mean, we've talked to you guys before, but we're not talking about. You guys have agreed that it's just, this is different.

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

Well, the swinger thing is when everybody's involved, right? That's like he finds a woman or she finds a man and then three

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

of them, it's an active, active looking.

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

Or they find another couple and now and it's big ol. Hey, what's up? What's up?

[Monique]

What's up?

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

But that's not it. This is just him finding a girl and it's just the two of them with up, with up or her finding a guy.

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

There's no way.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

Yeah. If it happens, it's not a deal breaker.

[Co-host or Producer]

And she says what I hear her saying there is the, the cheating and the deceit is not in the sex. It's in the lying and trying to hide it.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Right.

[Co-host or Producer]

Because. And if he's honest about that, then he can, he can do that as many times as he wants.

[Co-host or Commentator]

They've obviously both got to be okay with it because they've, I mean, they've outlasted a lot of marriages, you know. What did she say, 20 years together?

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

Well, I think they, I think they've known each other since a childhood, but I'm not sure whether I'm talking about small children, teenagers. But I think they've been together as friends for a long time. So I think they're, you know, it just may be a case which they, whatever happens in their life, they're not going to break apart.

[Co-host or Producer]

404-741-Q100 hey, Ashley.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

Hey, good morning, Bert.

[Co-host or Producer]

Hey, you're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

Yeah, I don't think it's a deal breaker if your marriage is solid. And you know, for me, I love my husband so much, but he is a lot younger than I am and we're both Hispanic and a lot of times in our culture, the men love and revere the wife and view extracurricular sex as just kind of an activity. And so far my husband has been faithful. But I do recognize that as I get older, say when I'm 60 and he's 40, there will probably be a chance that he would look for sex

[Caller 5 - Female perspective]

outside of the marriage.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

And we're just so close and so good together in every other way that as much as that would hurt, it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

[Co-host or Producer]

So if he told you, if he told you that he was going to have sex with somebody else, you'd be okay with that, but if he cheated on you, you would not be, or

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

it wouldn't matter if he were deceitful. I think the problem is the deceit and the betrayal. I wouldn't want him to tell me he's gonna have sex. But if he did, if he said, you know, remember a couple weeks ago I was out pretty late with the guys, well, there was a puta at the bar and, you know, whatever, you know, then I would definitely be upset. I'm not gonna say it wouldn't hurt me. I mean, I think it would definitely a major problem, but it wouldn't be, like Monique said, a deal breaker. I wouldn't end the marriage, but I

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

think she implied and I think what birds looking for is, it wouldn't be a problem for her. Not only would it not be a deal breaker, but she's like, yeah, it's cool because we're friends, so it's cool.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

And they know each other well.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

You know, I hope I get to that point at some point because I don't want to. I guess, you know, kind of in my mind I've reconciled that it would be okay at some point. I think it would still hurt her. I think it would still hurt anybody. Because you want your mate to find you to be the most desirable woman. Every woman wants to feel like they are just so sexy to their partner, you know.

[Co-host or Producer]

Yeah. Your attitude really strikes totally different than what you hear most women say to their guys. Like, I think the fear is once I put on some weight or if I, when I get older, I want to be with a guy that I know is going to think I'm beautiful and I'm the only one he wants to be with. Where you're saying there's a 20 year difference between you and your husband, you know, he's going to be attracted to women that are younger than you and you're totally okay with him sleeping with them.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

I'm not Saying, I'm okay with it. I guess I am okay with it. Yeah. Because there's just so much more to our marriage. There's just so much more of a partnership, so much more of a deep connection than that. I mean, it would be like, you know, if you borrowed someone else's car, I guess.

[Caller 5 - Female perspective]

No way.

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

I think it's part of the deep connection, though.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

It depends on the couple. It depends on the couple. I'm certain. I am not. I can say, honestly, I'm not secure enough to handle that.

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

No way.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

I just can't do it because that. I mean, like Wendy said, that's, to me, part of that connection, so. But there are couples that. I mean, it sounds to me Monique is so confident in her comments that there is value placed on different things. And obviously, for sex, she may consider it recreational, just like her husband does, and that their deep connection comes from somewhere else, you know?

[Co-host or Producer]

Hey, Madison, can you hold on 15 seconds?

[Caller 5 - Female perspective]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Producer]

Can you play that one more time, Jen?

[Co-host or Commentator]

Yeah.

[Host Bert]

You have said cheating is when you lie and are deceitful. Yes. Not when you have sex outside of the marriage?

[Monique]

Yes.

[Host Bert]

Do you and Sid have sex outside of the marriage?

[Monique]

Do we have sex outside of the marriage? Let me say this. I have not had sex outside of my marriage with Sydney. Could I have sex outside of my marriage with Sydney? Yes. Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal breaker. That's not something that we would say, oh, my God. Because you are attracted to another person and because you happen to have sex, let's end the marriage.

[Host Bert]

But what if it's not once? What if? It's.

[Monique]

What if? It's 20 times.

[Host Bert]

Yeah, what if?

[Monique]

And what if? So what?

[Host Bert]

You wouldn't care?

[Monique]

That's not something that would make us say, pack your things and let's end the marriage. Because we've been best friends for. Is it over 25 years and we truly know who we are? Truly.

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

What if it was the first time he was hearing that? Like, what if he's sitting there and he's watching the Barbara Walters special or whatever, and then he hears her say, could Sidney have sex outside the marriage? Yes. And he went, really?

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

Well, it sounds to me like he already has.

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

Yeah.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

Because she said, let me just say this. I have not done it.

[Co-host or Producer]

Did she say that?

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

Yeah, it's the first thing she said.

[Co-host or Producer]

Hey, Madison. Good morning.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

Hey.

[Co-host or Producer]

You heard Monique's attitude about infidelity?

[Caller 5 - Female perspective]

Yeah, I did. And I kind of feel the same way, because my husband and I, we've been together for six years and he's already done it and we've made it through. I think it's going to be hard. Like, it's not going to be easy and like, the trust is never going to be there. But, I mean, I think it's not a deal breaker. I think your relationship should be based upon more than that. And I don't know, like, I got through it and.

[Co-host or Producer]

But he can't do it again.

[Caller 5 - Female perspective]

Hell no.

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

Okay, that's cheating. Where she's okay with it and she

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

said the Cheris will never be there,

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

so it's completely different.

[Co-host or Producer]

Becca wants to be on the voice disguiser. Hey, Becca.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Hi.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

How are you doing?

[Sponsor Voice 2]

Good.

[Co-host or Producer]

You're on the voice disguiser. Nobody can recognize your voice.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Good, thanks.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

I've actually.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

I've been in a situation where my husband and I, we've actually have gone outside of the marriage just for sex. And we were honest about it. And for us, as long as it's not betrayal and as long as it's not anything besides the physical, which is very hard to define and hard to separate for a lot of people. But as long as we were very open with each other in that we tell each other, well, this is just. It was just physical, and then we're both okay with it. If it does get too emotional, then we would not be okay with it. But it hasn't at the time.

[Co-host or Commentator]

And so you guys both share everything.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Commentator]

And how much detail do you get into? Like, do you tell him who it is, how you met him, how many times?

[Caller 6 - Becca]

No, we don't. We don't really go into detail. We don't tell who it was. And it's only happened. Well, it's only happened. Well, it's happened twice. Once before we were married and once afterwards. But no, we don't go into the detail. And the thing is, it wasn't something continuous. It was just kind of a one off.

[Co-host or Commentator]

A one off for you. And he's had a one off too.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Exactly. Yeah. And so it wasn't to continue it. We both said, you know, that we wouldn't be okay with that. But if it was just one time and we're honest with each other and it just was something in the moment, and if it was just physical, then we're both okay with it.

[Co-host or Commentator]

How does your sex life change? I can say that it's after 8:30, right?

[Host Bert]

Yeah.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Anyway, a little more adult question. How does your intimate life change after that happens? Does it get better or worse?

[Caller 6 - Becca]

No, it's better. Why really nice.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

I don't know.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

It makes us closer. It makes us want to be with each other more. It's good experiences. It just kind of gets you out of, you know, you've been with the same person for such a long time, which is wonderful, and you have some really positive things about that. But you also forget, I don't know what. What's out there. And you get out there, and then it just makes you want the person you're with even more. If it was a good or bad experience, it just makes us have this stronger connection.

[Co-host or Producer]

Thanks, Becca. Here's Valerie, who's got a very similar relationship as Monique does. Hey, Valerie, you're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Hey, guys.

[Co-host or Producer]

Good morning.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Good morning.

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

Well, yeah, me and my husband are totally in agreement.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

In our open relationship, we cannot have the same partner more than three times,

[Caller 5 - Female perspective]

though

[Caller 6 - Becca]

the emotion thing will come up.

[Co-host or Producer]

So does this work where you know that you're gonna go meet another dude and you know you're gonna get physical with him? You will tell your husband beforehand?

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Yes.

[Co-host or Producer]

Oh, that would drive me crazy.

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

So he know he's sitting at home watching whatever, or worse yet, out trying to pick up a chick while you're out with some dude and he's having no luck?

[Co-host or Producer]

Is that how that works? So, like, you tell him, I'm going out with a guy tonight, and he sits home or whatever and just knows that it's probably happening at that time.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Yeah.

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

And where did you come up with

[Caller 6 - Becca]

his guys and try and meet another girl?

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

And when in the relationship did you come up with these rules in the beginning, or is it just a conversation in the middle of the marriage where you all of a sudd decide, okay, let's go sleep with other people?

[Co-host or Producer]

Yeah. When did he suggest this?

[Caller 6 - Becca]

He didn't, actually, I did.

[Co-host or Producer]

Get out of here.

[Caller 2 - Male perspective]

At what point? At what point in the marriage?

[Caller 5 - Female perspective]

We.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Let's see, we got together when we were young, we have a child, and after our child was born, we were bored with each other. We wanted to find different things and new techniques, I guess. And with other people, you can learn that and you can take it home.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

How often have y' all gone outside the marriage?

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Um, he done it five times and four years, and I've done it probably five or six times. Probably six.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Do the people that you're sleeping with know that you're married?

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Yeah, they think it's kind of weird,

[Co-host or Producer]

but they don't care.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Some of them don't care. Some of them, yeah.

[Co-host or Producer]

Dude's not gonna care. He's Getting some at the end of the day.

[Co-host or Commentator]

But I wonder, does he tell the women that he's sleeping with that he's married?

[Caller 1 - Ashley]

Um, yeah, I hope so.

[Co-host or Producer]

Why does it matter? If it's just physical and he's going, why can't he just make up some new Persona? And who cares if he's married or not?

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Because sometimes if you're married, it's a turn off.

[Caller 3 - Male perspective]

Yeah. The girl, the people that you're hooking up with might not be into it.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Yeah. And even for guys, sometimes it's like a deal breaker. They won't do it. They're like, no, I'm not gonna be part of this. I'm not gonna end your marriage.

[Co-host or Producer]

I was gonna ask you if you. If you started doing this because you weren't happy in your sex life. And you answered that, you said, yeah, you guys are pretty bored with each other and that's the only reason why you really doing this.

[Caller 6 - Becca]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

And see, I don't think that's like Monique. I really do think that Monique is saying that they are so close, that this is not enough to ruin their marriage. But I don't think that either one are actively out seeking to go outside the marriage. That's not what I interpreted from her comments.

[Co-host or Producer]

I think Summer here thinks that Monique's relationship is doomed. Hey, Summer. Good morning.

[Caller 7 - Summer]

Hey, good morning. Okay, this is a joke. Please. Of course she cares. And in a couple years from now, she's gonna be sitting down with like, Oprah talking about how she's at the height of her career, you winning, you know, winning an Oscar and all sorts of stuff. And then, you know, but she's, like, miserable in her marriage because her husband's cheating on her. Give me a break. It's low self esteem.

[Co-host or Producer]

Like, maybe people just. Maybe it just works for them. I don't know.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

And the sad thing is, because I was watching the Oprah special yesterday with the Oscar winners and. And I couldn't help but think, because we've talked about this before, that a lot of times when women become more successful in their careers than their men, that a lot of times those marriages don't end up working out, especially with Oscar winners. And so I was watching Sandra Bullock and I was watching Moni on the stage yesterday, and I thought, are in either one of these women, like, she joked about being on Oprah, but are either one of these women, we're going to hear that they're getting a divorce sometime within the next few years since they've won their Oscars now with Sandra

[Co-host or Commentator]

Bullock, I would say absolutely not.

[Co-host or Producer]

I think she's solid.

[Co-host or Commentator]

Those two seem so badly in love with each other and they've done such different things and they've been successful in such different worlds. Right.

[Caller 4 - Female perspective]

But she was not at the height of her career when they got together.

[Co-host or Producer]

Yeah. I don't judge any of this, any of this unorthodox way that people handle their marriages. The longer I'm married, like, I get, like, why people do what they do because it works for them.

[Co-host or Commentator]

It's like whatever works for you.

[Co-host or Producer]

And as I said before, you know, like traditional marriages, they're not working. 60% of those marriages are busting up. So what are you doing to break the mold? And if that's what's working for Monique, I hope it works for 100 years. I don't think I'd suggest it in my house, though. Never hear those words come out of my mouth.

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