Vault: Is A Tattoo Of Someone Else's Name A Dealbreaker?

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: Is A Tattoo Of Someone Else's Name A Dealbreaker?"

Episode Date: February 5, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Kristin, (Unidentified additional cast members)
Theme: Exploring whether having an ex’s (or someone else’s) name tattooed on your body is a relationship dealbreaker.

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Episode Overview

This episode revolves around a debate sparked by a celebrity news tidbit: Megan Fox, named the sexiest woman of 2008 by FHM, has a visible tattoo of her then-fiancé Brian Austin Green's name. The Bert Show crew dives into the psychological and romantic ramifications of dating someone with a tattoo of a former or another partner's name, particularly focusing on whether it is a dealbreaker in both short-term flings and long-term relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Megan Fox's "Brian" Tattoo

• (00:00-00:43) The conversation opens with the news of Megan Fox sporting a tattoo of "Brian" on her body, referencing Brian Austin Green.
  • "She has written in this scroll Brian. Because she is married to Brian Austin Green, right? Or engaged." – Host B (00:33)
  • The crew debates their relationship status and the boldness of getting a partner's name tattooed on your hip.

2. The Male Perspective: Does Hotness Outweigh the Tattoo?

• (00:57-03:26) Bert asks the guys: If you met a woman (as hot as Megan Fox) with an ex’s name tattooed, could you overlook it?
  • "Could I get past the tattoo of somebody else's name if it's just gonna be a couple of weeks and she's as hot as Megan Fox?... I could see right through it. I wouldn't even see it. I don't even care." – Host A (01:31)
  • “It's like, right there, like a big, red flashing light.” – Host B (01:55)
  • The joking notion of changing one's own name to Brian just to “make it work.”
  • Discussion about whether it matters when or how the tattoo is revealed in an intimate situation.
  • “If you realize a girl is that crazy and she's that hot, you'll still have sex with her three times.” – Host A (02:55)
  • “Once you really start to have feelings for her, and I think once you start to exchange the L word, then I think it probably starts to annoy you.” – Host A (03:16)

Memorable Quote:

"How long till you get sick of reading Brian?" – Host B (03:09)
"Thirteen years, if I get to have sex with her." – Host A (03:12)

3. Making Light of the Situation

• (03:26-03:38) Playful banter about creatively reinterpreting or covering the tattoo, e.g., turning “Brian” into something else.
  • "You gotta make Brian out of something." – Host A (03:28)
  • "What is Brianiac? No, it means brainiac, but he misspelled it. Really got a really smart woody." – Host C (03:30)

4. Listener Call-Ins: Real-Life Experiences and Double Standards

• (03:42-06:23)
  • Terry (Listener Call, 03:44):
    • "She could have Pope Benedict tattooed all across her front and that'd be okay for the first few times."
    • Terry (and hosts) agree that attractiveness strongly factors into dealing with the tattoo, implying the more attractive, the more tolerable.
    • If the woman is average-looking, the tattoo is more likely to be a dealbreaker.
  • Brian (Listener Call, 05:21):
    • Shares personal experience of an ex with a prominent name tattoo.
    • "I had to use my hand and cover it up... but, you know, that was kind of ignorant for anybody to put somebody else's name on there." – Listener D/Brian (05:23)
    • Humor and some discomfort expressed about navigating intimacy around the tattoo, including the classic “…what dogs do” reference.
    • "Of course, that was her favorite position, so." – Listener D/Brian (05:57)

5. Gender Perspectives and Double Standards

• (04:53-05:16) The hosts flip the scenario, questioning if women would feel similarly if, say, David Beckham had “Victoria” tattooed on him.
  • Consensus: Women might also initially overlook it if the guy is extremely attractive (like Beckham), but less forgiving with an average-looking man.
  • "If he looks like David Beckham. Yeah... but if he's average looking ... I don't know." – Host B (05:09-05:14)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Double Standards:

  • "Now, do women operate the same way?...If he looks like David Beckham, yeah. But if he's average looking guy, I don't know." – Host A & B (04:53-05:14)

• On Acceptability Linked to Attractiveness:

  • "There is a relation to how hot she is to what you will put up with." – Listener D/Terry (03:53)

• Listener Tactics:

  • "I had to use my hand and cover it up." – Listener D/Brian (05:23)

• Extreme Solutions:

  • "I go to the tattoo parlor and get the name Brian tattooed in the same place and just say we’re getting matching tattoos." – Host C (04:21)

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Timestamp Highlights

• [01:31] – Host A declares he'd ignore the tattoo if his fling is with someone as hot as Megan Fox.
• [03:12] – The running joke about tolerating the tattoo for “thirteen years” if the woman is Megan Fox.
• [03:44] – Listener Terry calls in, emphasizing the “hotness” calculation.
• [05:21] – Listener Brian shares a personal anecdote about covering up his partner’s name tattoo.
• [05:09-05:14] – Flip to the female perspective; consensus that looks influence tolerance, in any gender.

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Episode Takeaways

• Attractiveness often trumps the awkwardness or discomfort of a name tattoo—for a while.
  Both male and female perspectives on the show reveal a willingness to “work around” the tattoo if the recipient is extremely attractive (e.g., Megan Fox, David Beckham).
• Short term, people are more lenient; long term, name tattoos become a bigger relational hurdle.
  Hosts and callers alike acknowledge that what you’ll put up with “for a few weeks” usually won’t fly in a lasting relationship.
• Cultural and gender double standards exist, but both sides largely agree: If the person is average, a name tattoo is more likely to be a dealbreaker; if they’re a “celebrity hot,” most will put up with it—for a while.
• Even when attempted with humor, the “name tattoo” dilemma provokes honest reflection on jealousy, possessiveness, and social expectations in relationships.

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This episode is a light-hearted, candid exploration of a uniquely modern relationship conundrum, filled with self-deprecating jokes and frank insights into the odd things people will overlook for the right partner—or the right fling.

Transcript

[A]

The Burt show. All right, so last week, I think it was Jen that told us that FHM named Megan Fox the sexiest woman in Hollywood, right?

[B]

Yeah, sexiest woman of 2008. It's only April, but they were still coming out with the year's list of the hottest women. And so she's posed, of course, in this very, you know, seductive look. She's wearing a bikini, and you can see that she has on her right, like, right hip, but it's more like, you know, closer to the.

[C]

What he. What?

[B]

But she has written in this scroll Brian. Because she is married to Brian Austin Green. Right. Or engaged to.

[A]

I think engaged.

[B]

I think it's engaged, too.

[A]

I think they're engaged.

[B]

I think it's engaged to Brian Green.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The dude from 902 on up.

[C]

They're still together?

[B]

Yes. So she has Brian tattooed on her whatty. What?

[C]

Wow. New respect for three names. Brian Austin Green. Well done, my friend.

[B]

So we were talking about it in the studio, and we were looking at her picture and everything else, and I was asking the guys, would you have a hard time getting together and hooking up with a woman who had some other dude's name tattooed on her because, say they break up or whatever or don't get married or, you know, whatever happens and they move on to other people. Like, would a guy be able to get over the fact that she had Brian written right there?

[A]

All right, let's ask only guys this question, because I think you're gonna hear pretty similar sediment through all these calls. And you're talking about two different things. Like, could I get.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Could I get past the tattoo of somebody else's name if it's just gonna be a couple of weeks and she's as hot as Megan Fox? I've told you guys before, guys will sacrifice a whole bunch for hotness. And if I have to stare at some other dude's name on her body, just knowing that I've got Megan Fox for a couple of weeks, I. I could see right through it. I wouldn't even see it. I don't even care.

[B]

It's like, right there, like a big, red flashing light.

[A]

Brian, Brian, I'm sleeping with Megan Fox. I don't care.

[C]

Yeah, but here's.

[B]

You said last week he'd change your name to Brian.

[A]

I would officially change my name to Brian. So feel good.

[C]

The problem you're gonna have is, does she. When does she tell you. Like, does she tell you when you're in your intimate moment and you're Making your way down there to where you'll see it.

[B]

Like where?

[C]

Hold on a minute.

[A]

I'm not gonna tell you that.

[C]

And if the name's Brian, and let's say she goes out, let's say her and Brian Austin Green break up, which they should. And so let's say they are no longer seeing each other because she's too hot for him. And she goes to a bar and hooks up with some other dude and his name's Brian. And then on the second date, he's doing that and sees his own name down there. Like, no matter how hot she is. That's pretty psycho.

[B]

He thinks she's crazy because he thinks she got it after the first date.

[C]

So she's gonna have to warn everyone.

[A]

Regardless, if you realize a girl is that crazy and she's that hot, you'll still have sex with her three times. So now, if you're talking long term, like, if now you're in your relationship and you're in love with her, then it starts to bug you after a while.

[B]

How long till you get sick of reading Brian?

[A]

13 years. If I get to have sex with him.

[C]

You mean that's how long you'll deal with it?

[A]

Yes. I don't know. I think once you really start to have feelings for her, and I think once you start to exchange the L word, then I think it probably starts to annoy you a little bit, then.

[B]

It'S gotta turn into a dragon.

[A]

Something. You gotta make Brian out of something.

[C]

What is Brianiac? No, it means brainiac, but he misspelled it. Really got a really smart woody.

[A]

What?

[B]

That's not what he wants.

[A]

Good morning, Terry. You're on Q100.

[D]

Hi. How y' all doing?

[A]

Good, how are you?

[D]

Yeah, she could have Pope Benedict tattooed all across her front and that'd be okay for the first few times.

[A]

It doesn't matter. There is a relation to how hot she is to what you will put up with.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Exactly. Exactly. And if it got too bad, then you could roll her over, you know, Then you wouldn't see it for a while.

[A]

Right? I think that was my point last week.

[B]

Well, let me ask you this. What if she's an average looking woman, but you guys are getting along great, You've gone out on a couple of dates. You are really excited that she's taking you back to her bedroom. And then you see Brian tattooed. And what if it's on the front and the back?

[A]

Average looking woman, average deal breaker.

[C]

I probably sleep for the one if it's Megan Fox. Though, I go to the tattoo parlor and I get the name Brian tattooed in the same place and just say that we're getting matching tattoos. And when people ask me 10 years from now what that means, I'll say, well, there's one time, you know, Megan Fox, she and I hooked up and we met at my friend Brian's house. Even if I don't, then I'll go. Then I will go find a man named Brian and bring her to his place. And at that place, tell her I love her. And that is how I will have sex with Megan Fox.

[A]

Now, do women operate the same way? Like, if a guy is. I mean, we're talking about, you know, choose your flavor. David Beckham.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. If he's got, let's say he and Victoria break up or whatever, and he's got tattoos of Victoria on him, can't you work around that? Cause he's so good looking, at least.

[C]

For a little bit.

[B]

Little while. For a little while, yeah. If he looks like David Beckham. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But if he's average looking guy, I don't know.

[A]

Deal breaker. Good morning. Ryan, you're on Q100.

[D]

Hey, guys.

[A]

Hey.

[D]

Well, my ex had one on her back right at the top, behind her shoulder blades, you know, as when we did what dogs do, I had to use my hand and cover it up.

[B]

Oh, really?

[D]

Yeah, but it was pretty big, too. I mean, I have pretty nice sized hands and it pretty much covered it up. I mean, but, you know, that was kind of ignorant for anybody to put somebody else's name on there. And in Megan Fox's case, she'll get a good laugh out of me.

[A]

That would be tough. I mean, if you see it every single time and it's bothering you so much to where you got to put your hand over it, right?

[D]

And of course, that was her favorite position. So.

[C]

Sheila, there was such a love filled relationship. She loved it when we did it like the dogs did it.

[A]

He. Wow, a little too in depth on memory lane there.

[C]

As a matter of fact, she might be down in his basement right now. Oh, my Lord.

[A]

The Birch show.