The Bert Show: "Vault: Is A Tattoo Of Someone Else's Name A Dealbreaker?"

Episode Date: February 5, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Kristin, (Unidentified additional cast members)
Theme: Exploring whether having an ex’s (or someone else’s) name tattooed on your body is a relationship dealbreaker.

Episode Overview

This episode revolves around a debate sparked by a celebrity news tidbit: Megan Fox, named the sexiest woman of 2008 by FHM, has a visible tattoo of her then-fiancé Brian Austin Green's name. The Bert Show crew dives into the psychological and romantic ramifications of dating someone with a tattoo of a former or another partner's name, particularly focusing on whether it is a dealbreaker in both short-term flings and long-term relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Megan Fox's "Brian" Tattoo

• (00:00-00:43) The conversation opens with the news of Megan Fox sporting a tattoo of "Brian" on her body, referencing Brian Austin Green.
  • "She has written in this scroll Brian. Because she is married to Brian Austin Green, right? Or engaged." – Host B (00:33)
  • The crew debates their relationship status and the boldness of getting a partner's name tattooed on your hip.

2. The Male Perspective: Does Hotness Outweigh the Tattoo?

• (00:57-03:26) Bert asks the guys: If you met a woman (as hot as Megan Fox) with an ex’s name tattooed, could you overlook it?
  • "Could I get past the tattoo of somebody else's name if it's just gonna be a couple of weeks and she's as hot as Megan Fox?... I could see right through it. I wouldn't even see it. I don't even care." – Host A (01:31)
  • “It's like, right there, like a big, red flashing light.” – Host B (01:55)
  • The joking notion of changing one's own name to Brian just to “make it work.”
  • Discussion about whether it matters when or how the tattoo is revealed in an intimate situation.
  • “If you realize a girl is that crazy and she's that hot, you'll still have sex with her three times.” – Host A (02:55)
  • “Once you really start to have feelings for her, and I think once you start to exchange the L word, then I think it probably starts to annoy you.” – Host A (03:16)

Memorable Quote:

"How long till you get sick of reading Brian?" – Host B (03:09)
"Thirteen years, if I get to have sex with her." – Host A (03:12)

3. Making Light of the Situation

• (03:26-03:38) Playful banter about creatively reinterpreting or covering the tattoo, e.g., turning “Brian” into something else.
  • "You gotta make Brian out of something." – Host A (03:28)
  • "What is Brianiac? No, it means brainiac, but he misspelled it. Really got a really smart woody." – Host C (03:30)

4. Listener Call-Ins: Real-Life Experiences and Double Standards

• (03:42-06:23)
  • Terry (Listener Call, 03:44):
    • "She could have Pope Benedict tattooed all across her front and that'd be okay for the first few times."
    • Terry (and hosts) agree that attractiveness strongly factors into dealing with the tattoo, implying the more attractive, the more tolerable.
    • If the woman is average-looking, the tattoo is more likely to be a dealbreaker.
  • Brian (Listener Call, 05:21):
    • Shares personal experience of an ex with a prominent name tattoo.
    • "I had to use my hand and cover it up... but, you know, that was kind of ignorant for anybody to put somebody else's name on there." – Listener D/Brian (05:23)
    • Humor and some discomfort expressed about navigating intimacy around the tattoo, including the classic “…what dogs do” reference.
    • "Of course, that was her favorite position, so." – Listener D/Brian (05:57)

5. Gender Perspectives and Double Standards

• (04:53-05:16) The hosts flip the scenario, questioning if women would feel similarly if, say, David Beckham had “Victoria” tattooed on him.
  • Consensus: Women might also initially overlook it if the guy is extremely attractive (like Beckham), but less forgiving with an average-looking man.
  • "If he looks like David Beckham. Yeah... but if he's average looking ... I don't know." – Host B (05:09-05:14)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Double Standards:

  • "Now, do women operate the same way?...If he looks like David Beckham, yeah. But if he's average looking guy, I don't know." – Host A & B (04:53-05:14)

• On Acceptability Linked to Attractiveness:

  • "There is a relation to how hot she is to what you will put up with." – Listener D/Terry (03:53)

• Listener Tactics:

  • "I had to use my hand and cover it up." – Listener D/Brian (05:23)

• Extreme Solutions:

  • "I go to the tattoo parlor and get the name Brian tattooed in the same place and just say we’re getting matching tattoos." – Host C (04:21)

Timestamp Highlights

• [01:31] – Host A declares he'd ignore the tattoo if his fling is with someone as hot as Megan Fox.
• [03:12] – The running joke about tolerating the tattoo for “thirteen years” if the woman is Megan Fox.
• [03:44] – Listener Terry calls in, emphasizing the “hotness” calculation.
• [05:21] – Listener Brian shares a personal anecdote about covering up his partner’s name tattoo.
• [05:09-05:14] – Flip to the female perspective; consensus that looks influence tolerance, in any gender.

Episode Takeaways

• Attractiveness often trumps the awkwardness or discomfort of a name tattoo—for a while.
  Both male and female perspectives on the show reveal a willingness to “work around” the tattoo if the recipient is extremely attractive (e.g., Megan Fox, David Beckham).
• Short term, people are more lenient; long term, name tattoos become a bigger relational hurdle.
  Hosts and callers alike acknowledge that what you’ll put up with “for a few weeks” usually won’t fly in a lasting relationship.
• Cultural and gender double standards exist, but both sides largely agree: If the person is average, a name tattoo is more likely to be a dealbreaker; if they’re a “celebrity hot,” most will put up with it—for a while.
• Even when attempted with humor, the “name tattoo” dilemma provokes honest reflection on jealousy, possessiveness, and social expectations in relationships.

This episode is a light-hearted, candid exploration of a uniquely modern relationship conundrum, filled with self-deprecating jokes and frank insights into the odd things people will overlook for the right partner—or the right fling.