The Bert Show – Vault: Is Bert As Good Of A Driver As He Thinks?

Date: January 23, 2026
Host: Bert and The Bert Show Cast

Episode Overview

This lively and humorous episode tackles a long-running debate between Bert and his wife Stacy: Who is the better driver? Determined to settle the score, the duo undergoes a comprehensive driving test at the New London Driving School. The episode weaves through friendly taunting, post-test anxieties, and the dramatic reveal of the results—with input from driving instructor Alan. The result? A hilarious and insightful look at driving skills, competitiveness in relationships, and the art of being a gracious (or not-so-gracious) loser.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting up the Challenge (00:00–02:06)

• The show opens with banter about competitiveness:
  • Bert: “There has to be winners. There has to be losers. My house is a microcosm of America.” (00:01)
• Bert sets the stage with confidence, teasing Stacy about the results during their vacation.
• Stacy explains the test procedure: same car, instructor present, series of driving maneuvers including highway, city, and (in her case) parking.

2. Pre-Result Jokes and Confessions (01:08–05:06)

• The cast jokes about nerves and substance use before the test:
  • Bert quips about being nervous, poking fun: “I smoked a bunch of weed. Just clouded my judgment. My timing.” (01:09)
• Stacy describes feeling at a disadvantage because Alan, the instructor, seemed to give her more instructions, though Bert later admits he received them too:
  • “Oh, okay. Well, that's nice that you lied. That seems fair.” — Stacy (05:06)
• Bert expresses regret at missing the parking portion, which Stacy claims as her strength—fueling more playful taunting.

3. The Results Are In! (05:31–09:34)

• Alan, the British-accented instructor, dials in with the verdict:
  • “Professionally, you are both actually very good drivers... Having said that, the person that won this actually is Stacy.” — Alan (06:24)
• Bert’s shock and the cast's teasing ensue, demanding an explanation.
  • Alan explains: “The reason that Stacy beat you was simply because at a couple of points while you were driving, you went over the speed limit.” (07:11)
• Alan candidly admits Stacy’s parallel parking “was awful,” but since road driving weighs higher in safety, she takes the win.
• Bert demands a rematch with parking included, to no avail.

4. Stacy’s Victory Speech (08:30–09:18)

• Stacy graciously accepts, thanking the listeners, her father, and relishing in the knowledge Bert can never contest her driving superiority again.
  • “...every time we get in the car that will never be forgotten. So I can be a silent winner and still in my, you know, in my silence, know that I can chuckle a little because I beat him.” — Stacy (08:54)

5. The Aftermath and Lessons Learned (09:34–13:16)

• Fun specifics discussed:
  • Bert complains about Stacy driving too close to the curb; Alan disagrees, saying it’s safer to favor mailboxes over oncoming trucks.
    • “An 18 wheeler coming directly towards you is a lot less forgiving than a mailbox.” — Alan (10:25)
• Bert must publicly admit defeat:
  • “My wife Stacy is a better driver than I am.” — Bert (11:19)
• The cast imagines Stacy relishing her win for years, possibly decorating the house with her scores and “trophies.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There has to be winners. There has to be losers. My house is a microcosm of America.” — Bert (00:01)
• “Before the test, I smoked a bunch of weed. Just clouded my judgment.” — Bert (01:09, joking)
• “Oh, okay. Well, that's nice that you lied. That seems fair.” – Stacy (05:06)
• “Professionally, you are both actually very good drivers... the person that won this actually is Stacy.” — Alan (06:24)
• “At a couple of points while you were driving, you went over the speed limit.” — Alan (07:11)
• “My wife Stacy is a better driver than I am.” — Bert (11:19, solemnly and on command)
• “...every time we get in the car... I can be a silent winner and still in my, you know, in my silence, know that I can chuckle a little because I beat him.” — Stacy (08:54)
• “An 18 wheeler coming directly towards you is a lot less forgiving than a mailbox.” — Alan (10:25)

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:01 – Bert sets the competitive tone
• 01:08 – Jokes about nerves and test setup
• 02:50 – Stacy describes the parking challenge
• 05:06 – Bert admits he lied about not getting instructor advice
• 06:24 – Alan announces Stacy as the winner
• 07:11 – Alan explains Bert's speeding tipped the scales
• 08:30 – Stacy delivers her victory speech
• 10:25 – Instructor on mailbox vs. oncoming truck safety
• 11:19 – Bert admits, on-air, that Stacy is the better driver
• 13:02 – Cast teases possible “victory decorations” at home

Tone & Atmosphere

True to The Bert Show’s style, the episode is filled with good-natured ribbing, quick-witted banter, and lighthearted self-deprecation. The dynamic is playful but authentic, echoing the kind of friendly disputes every couple can recognize. The cast, instructor, and audience all relish the journey as much as the verdict.

Summary

“Is Bert As Good Of A Driver As He Thinks?” delivers on The Bert Show’s promise of authentic humor and relatable life drama. A simple marital argument turns into an official challenge, culminating in unexpected results and lasting bragging rights for Stacy. Through laughter and humility, the episode reaffirms that sometimes, it’s not about winning or losing—but about how you (eventually) admit defeat on the radio.