Vault: Is Bert's Elevator Theory Correct Or Not?

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: Is Bert's Elevator Theory Correct Or Not?"

Date: March 2, 2026
Cast: Bart/Bert (Host), Lyndall, Wendy, other co-hosts, caller Nancy, Dustin, Kevin (elevator expert), Latoya

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Overview

This episode dives into an urban legend about "expressing" an elevator to your floor by pressing the door close and your desired floor button together. With listener anecdotes, an on-air experiment, and eventually an expert’s take, the show debates whether this elevator hack is real or just myth. Expect playful teasing, audience calls, experiments, and plenty of classic Bert Show banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Elevator "Express" Theory Introduced

• Host's Story (00:32): Bert describes overhearing two strangers debate an elevator hack: if you press the “door close” and your desired floor button at the same time, the elevator bypasses all intermediate stops and takes you directly to your floor.
  • "According to these guys, if you push the ... close button when you want to close the elevator ... at the same time that you hit your floor, you go express up to your floor." (00:32-01:11)
• Lyndall claims it sometimes works, especially in hotels. Cast expresses skepticism but interest.

2. Can You Do This Unnoticed?

• Lyndall raises a social concern:
  • "But how can you do that without everybody else in the elevator seeing what you're doing and beat you up for being a boosh?” (01:37)
• Playful banter about Bert always wanting to be on the top floor for his ego.
  • "Bert likes to believe he's on the top floor of any building he's in. It really, really helps his ego." (02:39)

3. Listener Calls & Anecdotes

Nancy’s Story

• First testimonial: Nancy claims success with the trick in a doctor’s office.
  • "I've done it in doctor's offices before when I've been late for appointments, and it does work." (02:59)
  • "It just skipped on it. And people always are like, what happened? Why did I skip my floor?" (03:12)

Second Caller Story

• Caller’s dad (an Atlanta local) claimed it works if you hold both buttons for a few seconds.
  • "If you press the door close button in the floor you gotta go to, but you have to hold it for a few seconds, then it definitely works no matter if somebody presses a button after you." (04:08)

Dustin’s Vegas Story

• Multiple people on an elevator willing to coordinate, only stopping on already-lit floors, bypassing others waiting.
  • "So we would get in and we would tell everybody to hit their buttons and we would hold door closed, and we would only stop on those floors that were lit up, say those four floors... we skipped everybody that was waiting." (04:49)

4. Live Bert Show Experiment

• Wendy and Lyndall attempt the elevator trick live with a listener on the line.
  • "Do we still want to do it?" (08:00)
  • Result: It did not work.
    • "Didn't work." (08:29)

5. The Elevator Expert Chimes In

• Kevin, elevator company employee, dispels the myth:
  • "Not true." (09:03)
  • Explains door close button just tells the doors to close and cannot bypass programmed stops.
  • Only actual way to bypass is with a key switch, usually reserved for service or emergency mode.
    • "There are features on the elevators that allow you to bypass floors."
    • "You've got to have a key." (09:47-09:49)

6. Final Thoughts and Callbacks

• Despite unanimous testimony from callers, the expert clarifies there’s no universal hack.
  • "So according to you, there's no elevator that this will work on?" — "That's correct." (09:57-10:00)
• The cast remains playful and hopeful, encouraging listeners to test it and report back.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host, setting up the theory:
  "According to these guys, if you push the ... close button when you want to close the elevator ... at the same time that you hit your floor, you go express up to your floor." (00:32)
• Lyndall’s skepticism:
  "Why are we taking calls? You can do it just like your car alarm, dude." (02:29)
• Nancy (caller):
  "...it does work. I just don't see anything, but I wait for my floor and then I get off." (02:59)
• Host, after the in-house experiment fails:
  "Didn't work." (08:29)
• Kevin (elevator expert):
  "Not true. ... The way that it works is the door close button is just a circuit that tells the door to go ahead and start closing." (09:03)
• Host, closing thoughts:
  "I'm gonna try it. ... Try today around Atlanta, and then call us tomorrow and we'll find out what buildings it's working in and which ones it's not." (10:05)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:32 – Host introduces the "elevator express" theory
• 01:36 – Lyndall and cast ask about social implications
• 02:58 – Nancy, first caller, shares anecdote (claims it works)
• 04:08 – Another caller details holding the buttons for several seconds
• 04:47 – Dustin's Mandalay Bay story (group teamwork)
• 07:53 – Wendy and Lyndall attempt the elevator hack live (failure)
• 09:00 – Kevin, elevator expert, thoroughly debunks the theory
• 10:05 – Host encourages further listener experimentation, show wraps content

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Conclusion

In typical Bert Show style—blending real-life queries, audience stories, and in-studio antics—this episode explores the widely-believed elevator "express" hack from all angles. Despite several callers insisting it works, the only expert on the line confirms it’s not possible without special equipment. The team, undeterred, encourages curious listeners to keep trying, keeping the myth alive, all with trademark humor and camaraderie.

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Transcript

[Bretzky]

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[Host (possibly Bart)]

am riding down in an elevator last week with two random dudes and I'm just listening to their conversation. And you guys can call if this theory holds true or not. But I haven't had a chance to do it myself. Here's the theory. You get into an elevator and while you're in there you need to go to like the 10th floor or whatever, 11th floor, 15th floor, 30th floor, whatever. But everybody in the elevator is on their destination are floors that are lower than yours. So your elevator has to stop at 4 and 8 and 10 and freaking 12 and 18 and 22 and 28 before you get to yours.

[Co-host 1]

Mm.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

According to these guys, if you push the, you know that close button when you want to close the elevator button. It's a little arrow thing. The door close one. If you hit that one at the same time that you hit your floor, you go express up to your floor. I have not had a chance to use this yet, but I talked to Lyndal about it yesterday and she said yes. In hotels for sure, it works.

[Co-host 1]

Really?

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

But how can you do that without everybody else in the elevator seeing what you're doing and beat you up for being a boosh?

[Host (possibly Bart)]

You can only do it one time.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Yep.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

So if it's true, if you are in the elevator business or you're at a hotel where this is true. 404-741-Q100 I guess you could do it.

[Co-host 3]

Like I wonder if you push it, if you're going to the ninth floor, you hit door close in nine. But then. And a whole bunch of other people get on right after you and then they push their buttons. Does it still work or do you have to be the last one to program?

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Maybe somebody will call that can.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Nobody else will get on because you're going express.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Express. That's right.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Nobody else will get on.

[Co-host 1]

Once you hit it, you'll go straight to your floor.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Once you hit it, doors close and you go to your floor. So nobody Else will get on.

[Co-host 3]

So if there's a whole bunch of people on there already and they've already hit 2, 4, 6, 7, and you get on and do it.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

That's the point. Right? So I don't know, you're at some hotel here in Atlanta, and I don't believe it, though. I don't either.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Why don't you go to. Why are we taking calls? You can do it just like your car alarm, dude.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

We can try it. Let's try it here.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Yeah, we got an elevator.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

It's only five floors. Five, six floors, but we can. Eight.

[Co-host 3]

There's eight.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Is it eight?

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Yeah. Bert likes to believe he's on the top floor of any building he's in. It really, really helps his ego.

[Co-host 3]

You know what?

[Co-host 1]

The only reason he comes in here is because we told him he was. It's kind of like the concert seats. He has to have the best seat in the house.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

We told him that the sixth, seventh, and eighth floors are just where we keep things that we go to to worship him.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Hey, Nancy, you're on Q100. Good morning.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Hey.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

I've done it in doctor's offices before when I've been late for appointments, and it does work.

[Co-host 1]

Really?

[Host (possibly Bart)]

So you hit close and the button

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

at the same time? Yeah.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

And it expresses you right up to that floor?

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

Yes, yes. It just skipped on it. And people always are like, what happened? Why did I skip my floor? And I just don't see anything, but I wait for my floor and then I get off.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Yeah, because most people don't know this, so you can get away with it a couple of different times. They'll just think that the elevator got all screwed up.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

So I'm excited. You want to go try it? Do you want to send Wendy or. Who wants to do it?

[Co-host 1]

Somebody. Well, somebody has to be on the second.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

I mean, do you have your cell phone, Wendy?

[Host (possibly Bart)]

I do.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

I can grab it on the way.

[Co-host 1]

Somebody has to get, like, up on the second floor, don't they? Like if. Like if somebody comes on the first floor and presses, like, four or whatever, and then she gets on the second. I mean, she has to have somebody else in there already pressed a button to try it out.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

So, like, let's say you came in.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Why can't she press the buttons?

[Co-host 1]

Well, if she goes downstairs and she just presses 1, but if she hits

[Host (possibly Bart)]

4, 5, and 6, and then she

[Bretzky]

go down to the.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

All she has to do is go into the first floor, hit 2, 3, 5 in Express 8, and see where

[Co-host 3]

it takes us to eight.

[Co-host 1]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Good morning, Ashley. You're on Q100.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

Hey, Bart show. I love you guys.

[Co-host 1]

Thank you.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

I was just calling to let you know that my dad told me that little secret because I moved to Atlanta and was working in a big office building. And he let me know that if you press the door close button in the floor you gotta go to, but you have to hold it for a few seconds, then it definitely works no matter if somebody presses a button after you.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

I feel like a whole new world has just opened up to me.

[Co-host 3]

If this is true, that's actually really perfect for, like doctors and dentist appointments when you're running late.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Yeah. And people in the elevator, like I said before, just going to assume that it was an elevator glitch and it certainly isn't you.

[Co-host 3]

Or they're going to say, hey, do you listen to the Birch show?

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Hey, Dustin, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

Hey, how's it going?

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Okay.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

Well, when I stayed at the Mandalay Bay in Vegas, I was on the top floor. And, you know, literally you would stop on every floor on the way up. So we would get in and we would tell everybody to hit their buttons and we would hold door closed, and we would only stop on those floors that were lit up, say those four floors. And we wouldn't stop on any. Any floors. Anybody was waiting for the elevator. So we skipped everybody that was waiting. But everybody that was on the elevator got to go directly to their floor.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Because you hold the button down the whole time.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

Yes, yes. So as soon as we got on, we would tell everybody what the plan was and how this worked. And everybody would be like, okay, let's test it. Let's see what happens. And we would hold it, and then everybody started trying it.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

And it worked.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

It worked. Yeah. So when we got on going down to the casino, we would just hold door closed and we wouldn't stop. We would go directly down.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Perfect.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Fascinating. How can we be adults like this and not know this, have this knowledge until today?

[Co-host 1]

There's so many times that I wish I knew this.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Jeff, you're on Q100. Good morning, yellow.

[Caller 3 (Kevin, elevator expert)]

Hello.

[Co-host 3]

Hello.

[Caller 4 (Latoya)]

Hey.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

How y' all doing?

[Co-host 1]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Yeah.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

I'm actually a prime example of. It doesn't really matter how many floors because I was at the sundial and actually did. I was on the bottom floor. And it was funny because all the people in the elevator, you know, before I did it, they didn't really see what I was doing or whatnot. And I went up to the very top floor and everybody Was thinking the elevator was broke and everything because it was passing their floor. But it was funny. It did work, though.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Hey, Jeff.

[Co-host 3]

So it works at the Westin.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

I think I have bad news for you. But at the sundial, the floor. The elevator that goes to the sundial doesn't stop at any other floors, I don't think.

[Co-host 3]

Well, he said there was other people on the elevator.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

They've never been up there.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

The glass elevator for the sundial goes right to the sundial.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

No, it doesn't. I promise you it doesn't.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

All right, thanks, Jeff. He hates you. I know.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

I hate him. Jeff, here's my toy. I hate him.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Good morning, Latoya. You're on Q100.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Jacking up the good name.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

What's up?

[Caller 4 (Latoya)]

I'm just saying. I just love you guys. But anyways, how does this work? Because I'm already late because 285 jacked me up this morning. I gotta zoom up to the seventh floor.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Okay, according to the theory is, once you get in the elevator this morning, just go ahead and hit the close button and the seventh floor at the same time and hold them for a couple of seconds and it will express you right to your floor.

[Caller 4 (Latoya)]

Okay.

[Co-host 3]

Okay, you gotta let us know if it works.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Are you in the elevator right now?

[Caller 4 (Latoya)]

No, I'm on my way there. Because, like I said, 285 is looking real ugly today. Just disgusting.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Well, keep listening.

[Caller 4 (Latoya)]

I'll call you when I get to work.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Okay, we have Wendy, who's about to do a clinical trial of this. So that's her on the hotline.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

Wendy, it's Lindell and Wendy.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Hey, how are you guys doing?

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

Hey, did it work?

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

We haven't done it yet.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Okay, just out of curiosity, how come you need two of you?

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

Because we're both little. One of us can't reach all the buttons.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

We have to stand on each other's shoulders. Yeah. All right, we may lose contact with you guys. You guys might drop out in the elevator. But go ahead and try it.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

Okay. I'm gonna be McBoosh. There's people getting in with us. Do we still want to do it?

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Yeah, of course

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

you do it. No, you do it. You do it.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

We have an elevator writer who says he listens to the show and he knows what we're about to

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Stomping his foot.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Tell him he's gonna be a little late.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

Yeah. Push your button. We're gonna push ours close at the same time. Do it. Go, go, go, go. Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly. Aw, dang it.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Didn't work.

[Caller 1 (Nancy)]

It didn't work? No, it didn't work.

[Co-host 1]

I'm assuming when you actually do it that when you start cheering for the floor you're trying to get to, it might tip your hand a little bit.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Well, try it when you get into work today. Or try it if you're going to a doctor at a hotel and then call us tomorrow morning, let us know if it worked, because I just don't know how we could be all adults here and not know this trick all these years.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Lindell claims she did it all the time at school.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Kevin works for an elevator company. Hey, Kevin.

[Caller 3 (Kevin, elevator expert)]

Hey. Good morning.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Good morning. Theory true or not?

[Caller 3 (Kevin, elevator expert)]

Not true.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Not true. We just took a dozen calls from people saying they've absolutely done it before.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

Right.

[Caller 3 (Kevin, elevator expert)]

Well, the way that it works is the door close button is just a circuit that tells the door to go ahead and start closing. And then the reason you can pass floors going up if people are waiting to go down is an elevator will complete a run in one direction before it turns around. So it's just ironic, just like the people that were just on who it didn't work for, it's because it won't pass people if they're waiting in the hall.

[Co-host 3]

No, it wasn't that, though. It was somebody going to the second floor or third floor or whatever.

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

Right, right.

[Caller 3 (Kevin, elevator expert)]

Well, the door close button. There are features on the elevators that allow you to bypass floors.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

What are they?

[Host (possibly Bart)]

You've got to have a key. Can you bring one down here so we can make a couple hundred thousand of them?

[Caller 2 (Dustin)]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

So according to you, there's no elevator that this will work on?

[Caller 3 (Kevin, elevator expert)]

That's correct.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Okay.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Despite the dozen calls that we took and our own Lyndall, he's on down.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

I'm gonna try it.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Absolutely. Next time I'm in a tall building.

[Co-host 3]

Try it, and if it works, you'll keep doing it.

[Host (possibly Bart)]

Try today around Atlanta, and then call us tomorrow and we'll find out what buildings it's working in and which ones it's not.

[Co-host 2 (possibly Lyndall)]

Get it?

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