The Bert Show: "Vault: Is Bert's Elevator Theory Correct Or Not?"

Date: March 2, 2026
Cast: Bart/Bert (Host), Lyndall, Wendy, other co-hosts, caller Nancy, Dustin, Kevin (elevator expert), Latoya

Overview

This episode dives into an urban legend about "expressing" an elevator to your floor by pressing the door close and your desired floor button together. With listener anecdotes, an on-air experiment, and eventually an expert’s take, the show debates whether this elevator hack is real or just myth. Expect playful teasing, audience calls, experiments, and plenty of classic Bert Show banter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Elevator "Express" Theory Introduced

• Host's Story (00:32): Bert describes overhearing two strangers debate an elevator hack: if you press the “door close” and your desired floor button at the same time, the elevator bypasses all intermediate stops and takes you directly to your floor.
  • "According to these guys, if you push the ... close button when you want to close the elevator ... at the same time that you hit your floor, you go express up to your floor." (00:32-01:11)
• Lyndall claims it sometimes works, especially in hotels. Cast expresses skepticism but interest.

2. Can You Do This Unnoticed?

• Lyndall raises a social concern:
  • "But how can you do that without everybody else in the elevator seeing what you're doing and beat you up for being a boosh?” (01:37)
• Playful banter about Bert always wanting to be on the top floor for his ego.
  • "Bert likes to believe he's on the top floor of any building he's in. It really, really helps his ego." (02:39)

3. Listener Calls & Anecdotes

Nancy’s Story

• First testimonial: Nancy claims success with the trick in a doctor’s office.
  • "I've done it in doctor's offices before when I've been late for appointments, and it does work." (02:59)
  • "It just skipped on it. And people always are like, what happened? Why did I skip my floor?" (03:12)

Second Caller Story

• Caller’s dad (an Atlanta local) claimed it works if you hold both buttons for a few seconds.
  • "If you press the door close button in the floor you gotta go to, but you have to hold it for a few seconds, then it definitely works no matter if somebody presses a button after you." (04:08)

Dustin’s Vegas Story

• Multiple people on an elevator willing to coordinate, only stopping on already-lit floors, bypassing others waiting.
  • "So we would get in and we would tell everybody to hit their buttons and we would hold door closed, and we would only stop on those floors that were lit up, say those four floors... we skipped everybody that was waiting." (04:49)

4. Live Bert Show Experiment

• Wendy and Lyndall attempt the elevator trick live with a listener on the line.
  • "Do we still want to do it?" (08:00)
  • Result: It did not work.
    • "Didn't work." (08:29)

5. The Elevator Expert Chimes In

• Kevin, elevator company employee, dispels the myth:
  • "Not true." (09:03)
  • Explains door close button just tells the doors to close and cannot bypass programmed stops.
  • Only actual way to bypass is with a key switch, usually reserved for service or emergency mode.
    • "There are features on the elevators that allow you to bypass floors."
    • "You've got to have a key." (09:47-09:49)

6. Final Thoughts and Callbacks

• Despite unanimous testimony from callers, the expert clarifies there’s no universal hack.
  • "So according to you, there's no elevator that this will work on?" — "That's correct." (09:57-10:00)
• The cast remains playful and hopeful, encouraging listeners to test it and report back.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host, setting up the theory:
  "According to these guys, if you push the ... close button when you want to close the elevator ... at the same time that you hit your floor, you go express up to your floor." (00:32)
• Lyndall’s skepticism:
  "Why are we taking calls? You can do it just like your car alarm, dude." (02:29)
• Nancy (caller):
  "...it does work. I just don't see anything, but I wait for my floor and then I get off." (02:59)
• Host, after the in-house experiment fails:
  "Didn't work." (08:29)
• Kevin (elevator expert):
  "Not true. ... The way that it works is the door close button is just a circuit that tells the door to go ahead and start closing." (09:03)
• Host, closing thoughts:
  "I'm gonna try it. ... Try today around Atlanta, and then call us tomorrow and we'll find out what buildings it's working in and which ones it's not." (10:05)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:32 – Host introduces the "elevator express" theory
• 01:36 – Lyndall and cast ask about social implications
• 02:58 – Nancy, first caller, shares anecdote (claims it works)
• 04:08 – Another caller details holding the buttons for several seconds
• 04:47 – Dustin's Mandalay Bay story (group teamwork)
• 07:53 – Wendy and Lyndall attempt the elevator hack live (failure)
• 09:00 – Kevin, elevator expert, thoroughly debunks the theory
• 10:05 – Host encourages further listener experimentation, show wraps content

Conclusion

In typical Bert Show style—blending real-life queries, audience stories, and in-studio antics—this episode explores the widely-believed elevator "express" hack from all angles. Despite several callers insisting it works, the only expert on the line confirms it’s not possible without special equipment. The team, undeterred, encourages curious listeners to keep trying, keeping the myth alive, all with trademark humor and camaraderie.