Vault: Is Bert's Friend Weird For Doing This?

Summary

The Bert Show Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: Is Bert's Friend Weird For Doing This?
Date: March 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

On this lively installment of The Bert Show, Bert and the team delve into the questionable, hilarious, and slightly egotistical decision made by Bert's longtime friend and gym owner, Dolvett. The group debates whether Dolvett’s newly installed six-foot-by-four-foot mural of himself at his gym is weird, inspiring, or just a bit much. Listeners are treated to the crew’s real, unfiltered reactions, ribbing, and a cameo from Dolvett himself as he tries to defend his artistic vision.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Mural Revelation (00:45 – 02:10)

• Bert reveals: His friend Dolvett (Buckhead personal trainer and gym owner) has installed a massive mural of himself in his newly renovated gym.
• Bert's pride: “That’s my boy and I’m very proud of him... to see where he came from to where he is right now.” (00:45)
• The mural is described as “6 foot by 4 foot” and is impossible to miss upon entering the gym.
• Visual details: Dolvett is portrayed looking over his shoulder in a “very Adonis” pose, with hands chiseling his abs, riffing off the “body sculptor” gym name.

2. Initial Group Reactions (02:10 – 04:38)

• The cast reacts with surprise and teasing, poking fun at the mural’s dramatic vibe.
• Reference to pop culture: Bert jokes, “It’s like his eyes follow you like you’re in that Haunted Mansion at Disney.” (03:50)
• Several co-hosts draw a parallel to Ben Stiller’s over-the-top gym portrait in the movie Dodgeball.

3. Debating the Motivations: Ego or Marketing? (04:38 – 06:37)

• The crew discusses whether the mural is a smart branding move or just egotistical:
  • “He is his own business card, right?” (05:03, Cassie)
  • “I expected it to be, like, way more egomaniac than it is, but it’s still kind of egomaniac.” (06:27, Kristin)
• The group jokes about the possibility of Dolvett commissioning the mural for himself, imagining humorous scenarios about “proofs” and art direction.

4. Calling Dolvett for His Side (06:39 – 08:17)

• Dolvett dials in to defend himself after hearing the good-natured roasting:
  • “It’s not me sculpting my abs. It’s a picture of body sculptor being chiseled... I have a tattoo on my side... I chiseled it, mocked it in a photo as if I’m made of stone.” (07:18–07:54, Dolvett)
• He clarifies the meaning and intent behind the mural, emphasizing dedication to his brand.

5. Closing Banter & Online Poll (08:04 – 08:38)

• Bert jokes that the actual intent (a stylized tattoo) isn’t totally clear from the mural, leading to background laughter and continued teasing.
• The team plans to post the photo online and open it up to listener votes: “I’m putting the picture up online around 8, 8:30... let you know what the emails say. Either keep it up or take it down.” (08:38, Bert)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “As you walk around the gym, it’s like his eyes follow you like you’re in that Haunted Mansion at Disney.”
  — Bert (03:50)
• “He is his own business card, right?”
  — Cassie (05:03)
• “It’s not me sculpting my abs. It’s a picture of body sculptor being chiseled... I have a tattoo on my side... I chiseled it, mocked it in a photo as if I’m made of stone.”
  — Dolvett (07:18–07:54)
• “It looks hot and you know it.”
  — Dolvett (08:04)
• “I expected it to be, like, way more egomaniac than it is, but it’s still kind of egomaniac.”
  — Kristin (06:27)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:45: Bert sets up the friend’s mural story.
• 02:10: Detailed description of the mural and team reactions.
• 03:50: Memorable Disney Haunted Mansion comparison.
• 04:38: Dodgeball reference and discussion about ego/branding.
• 06:39: Dolvett joins the call to defend and explain the mural.
• 08:04: Continued teasing about what the mural actually shows.
• 08:38: Plan to post mural photo for audience feedback.

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Takeaway

The Bert Show tackles the line between self-promotion and vanity with their usual warmth and humor, using Dolvett’s epic gym mural as a catalyst for laughs and real talk about pride, branding, and friendship. Whether listeners side with the mural or not, they'll enjoy the genuine camaraderie and playful banter that captures the spirit of the show.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The Bird Show. In a case like this, I'm not ready to lose the friend, but I am looking at him entirely differently. And I'll tell you guys why. You've heard me. If you listen to the show, talk about my friend Dolvett, who owns a gym in Buckhead called Body Sculptor, Inc. That's my boy and I'm very proud of him. What he's done with that gym. I mean, when, if you know my friend's history, to see where he came from to where he is right now. I'm very proud of what he's done.

[C]

And he's a trainer.

[B]

He's a trainer. He's a personal trainer.

[C]

He owns the business side of it.

[B]

He owns the whole thing. He's a personal trainer. Right. He is the man there, right? Very proud of him. He just took over the entire building. He. He redecorated the place. It looks fantastic. More and more clients are signing up with him. This is the same dude that helped me out with the calendar photo. He's the same guy that's gonna help me out with those boudoir photos. Cause it certainly looks like I'm gonna have to do that.

[C]

That's the UGA bet.

[D]

Oh, they're winning that national championship there, Bert.

[B]

So every time I walk into his gym, there's something new, some new equipment. Cause he's. Now he owns the whole thing instead of just half of it. There's new equipment another day, there's new paint, another day, there's like a new logo. And yesterday I walk in there. Sorry, bruh. Yesterday I walk in there and There is a 6 foot by 4 foot mural of himself.

[D]

I didn't realize it was that big.

[B]

It's. It's. You walk in there and you can't miss it. But that's not. I mean, that's not at all. It is a mural. And let me try to explain it to you. He is in kind of the looking over my. He's got his head turned looking over his shoulder. Position like this. Okay.

[C]

Like very Adonis.

[B]

Almost like a Donna's.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. And right underneath his chest are two hands. One is holding a chisel and the other is a scalp. While they are working on what appears to be, like, his abs.

[C]

And it's a six foot by four foot.

[B]

Six by four. Now, the place is called body sculpting. So the idea is he again, is looking at Adonis position right there.

[D]

And they're sculpting.

[B]

Sculpting his abs. It's huge. As you walk in there.

[D]

Have you seen this?

[C]

I haven't seen it yet.

[B]

Come here. I want you guys to look at this one at a time. Have you seen it yet? I saw it. Okay, look at this one at a time. Jeff. I gotta get your take on this. Have you seen it?

[D]

It has his face on it.

[B]

Yeah, it's him. It's his face.

[E]

It's gonna. This is gonna. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to work out in Dolvette's gym after this.

[B]

I want you to see the full picture. Come on over here. I don't want the small version. I want you to see the one I got over here.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

There's the face right there. Now scroll down for you. Oh, just facial expression. He's a trainer and he looks good. And all. He's got you. I mean, he's a trainer.

[C]

Let me see this again. And he's putting on the sexy face.

[B]

Come over here so I can show you the whole.

[C]

He's seducing you, Bert.

[B]

He's seducing you. When you walk into that gym, it is one of those pictures, like, as you walk around the gym, it's like his eyes follow you like you're in that haunted mansion at Disney. Okay, so we'll go now.

[E]

All right, now here's.

[A]

Is that your hairy arm?

[B]

I got lasered.

[E]

Here's.

[B]

You see what I'm saying?

[D]

I want to know when he came up with the idea.

[E]

Here's my thought.

[D]

Where was he and who did he tell?

[B]

And now here.

[C]

Here was.

[B]

Here was my position on it, because we were. All of us were in the gym at the same time working out. All of us friends were in the gym working out at the same time. So we're giving him relentless amounts of crap about it. And Dolvett's the kind of guy, like, the more you say it shouldn't be, the more he believes it looks good. So he's just being defiant about It. But I mean, come on. Have you guys ever seen Dodgeball?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

You know that picture of Ben Stiller in his own gym where he's like half dragon or something and he's half trainer and he's all ripped sort of like that?

[D]

Now for anybody. Does anybody like a bit of a parody? Dolvette, though? I mean, it's not. It has nothing to do with his shape. Like, he's a good looking guy. Perfect body.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

I mean, he is a perfect advertising for his own company because that's how

[B]

you want to train her to look.

[C]

Yeah. He is your. I mean, he is his own business card, right? Absolutely.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This is.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

People are texting me wanting to see it.

[B]

Are you gonna put it. Yes, I sent it last night. But the way things work around here, it takes a little bit longer to get me up.

[E]

By the end of the show, right?

[B]

By the end of the show, you think?

[D]

I hope so.

[E]

So here's the thing.

[B]

We're all beat down. I did nothing to do with it.

[E]

Did he commission this artwork himself?

[B]

I do believe so, yeah. Because he gave it to another friend of ours who sent him back a couple of proofs. Like, they had to go back and forth. Like, I'm just making up the conversation. Like, look, you know, the chisel isn't on near my abs. Close enough, so can you move it down a little bit? Then they send him back another proof. And look, the chisel needs to be closer to my. In between my top ab and the bottom of my pec.

[C]

So, you know, this conversation happened.

[B]

No, no, no. I'm making it up. It had to go back and forth like that.

[E]

Because I think if somebody. I think there's a big difference. If somebody gave it to him as a gift.

[B]

No, no, that's just his idea.

[E]

As opposed to him just trying to help you out, bro.

[B]

No, this is it.

[E]

Maybe Dolvett could be friends with my rejected friend and then.

[D]

Well, I like the fact that they, you know, made the rest of his body look like it was from stone.

[B]

Yes. You know, a good idea in the head.

[C]

Yes. When I first saw it, though, because you had mentioned this to us off the air yesterday, I didn't think it was as bad as what you said.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I expected it to be, like, way more egomaniac than it is, but it's

[B]

still kind of egomaniac of somebody scalping your. Sculpting your abs.

[E]

The sculpted one would like to speak with you.

[B]

Okay. Oh, no, hold on. The one that has the 6x4 mural of himself in his gym. I present to you, Dolvett.

[F]

You are so funny. You are the funniest guy on the planet.

[C]

The buddy sculptor.

[E]

You do realize that this man could make you puke this afternoon Four times.

[B]

I'm never planning on going back ever again and cry.

[F]

Unbelievable. Listen, guys, it's not me sculpting my abs. It's a picture of body sculptor being chiseled. The words body sculptor being chiseled in my side.

[E]

Where are the words on my ribs?

[F]

It's being chiseled. I have a tattoo on my side. I tattooed body sculptor. That's my dedication to my company, to what I do. And then I chiseled it, mocked it in a photo as if I'm made of stone. People over at Ground Rush Media made it of stone. They're chiseling a. Hands are chiseling body sculptor into the side of my body.

[B]

Can't see that part. Can't see the tattoo.

[F]

Whatever.

[B]

Not in this photo. Right here. It looks as though they are sculpting the muscles into your body.

[F]

Whatever. It looks hot and you know it.

[B]

Am I wrong, Navi?

[E]

Just so you know, Jen and Bert are both one inch away from the computer screen, looking for words.

[F]

Bonnie's Comfort.

[E]

Hey, just so you know, Dolvett, I have in my own house, I have a similar picture, but they're more polishing me with one of those things he used to wax a.

[F]

With big knit gloves.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm being shammied and it's not so much. So I think it's cool, though, that I'm putting.

[B]

I'm putting the picture up online around 8, 8:30 or so. And I'll let you know what the emails say. Either keep it up or take it down. Cool. Thanks, guys. The bird show. This is a vacation with Chase Sapphire Reserve. The butler. The spa. This is the edit. A collection of handpicked luxury hotels and a $500 edit credit. Chase Sapphire Reserve. Now even more rewarding. Learn [e-mail] Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan Chase. Any member FDIC subject to credit approval.