Vault: Is Eloping Worth It Or Not?

Summary

The Bert Show — "Vault: Is Eloping Worth It Or Not?"

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

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Overview

In this lively episode, The Bert Show team explores the pros, cons, and personal stories surrounding eloping, sparked by an uptick in listeners frustrated with the high cost and stress of traditional weddings. Hosts and listeners discuss whether eloping is worth it, share real-life experiences, offer advice, and touch on the emotional and financial consequences of choosing an alternative to the big white wedding.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why the Elopement Debate?

• Seasonal Wedding Stress: At this time of year, overwhelmed listeners are reaching out about scrapping wedding plans and eloping (00:44).

• Traditional Costs: The hosts discuss the growing financial burden—average wedding cost is now $28,800 and projected to hit $31,000 (02:23, 14:18).

  "It's a brand new car. Yeah. Could be two brand new cars or a brand new car and two tanks of gas." — (F, 02:41)

What Does Eloping Mean?

• The hosts clarify: eloping is generally getting married in secret, sometimes telling only close family, with no guests or large events (01:48, 02:12).

Listener Stories: Why (and How) People Eloped

1. Anna: Courthouse Simplicity, Few Regrets

   • Anna and her husband eloped at the courthouse, celebrated privately, and saved stress and money (02:57).
   • Only told immediate family; avoiding a large event made everything easier (04:01).
   • Most upset person: her best friend, who wished she’d been included (04:28).
   • Endorsement:

     "Yes, I would tell everybody. It's a heck of a lot easier. Save your money. ...Once you go through the stress and the day goes by so quickly, you're kind of like, oh, well, that's it." — Anna (04:55)

2. Rachel: Secret Elopement, Military Life

   • Married at the courthouse in 2003; only found out because the marriage license was mailed to her parents' address (05:19).
   • She felt relief after eloping, though the marriage ended in divorce (06:03).
   • Endorsement:

     "Absolutely. It was so much easier. ...I would definitely do it again." — Rachel (06:32)

3. Barbara: Mother-Daughter Tension Escalates to Elopement

   • Eloped in Reno in 1992 due to her mother’s overbearing involvement in wedding planning (07:09).
   • Her mother was upset and blamed her husband, carrying a grudge for years (07:46).
   • Retrospective:

     "From every other aspect, it was perfect. ...She should be thanking me. I saved her a ton of money." — Barbara (08:06)

4. Julie: Eloping, Then a Big Reveal

   • She and her husband eloped and kept it secret for four months, only revealing it after a pregnancy (08:44).
   • Was the youngest of seven; too nervous to disappoint her sisters who wanted a big event (09:33).
   • Endorsement:

     "I definitely endorse it. I would do it again." — Julie (09:49)

5. Sarah: The One Regretful Voice

   • Eloped and kept it secret for a year; her family was deeply hurt (10:13).
   • Her mom has never gotten over not being there—even after a follow-up family event (10:46).
   • Regret:

     "There was more hurt than anything. I don't think my mom's ever really got over me getting married and not telling her." — Sarah (10:14)

The Emotional Toll and Family Dynamics

• The majority of calls support eloping, but there's acknowledgement that some family and friends may feel hurt or left out (08:29, 10:13).

• Hosts compare this to not asking a partner’s parent for permission to marry, reflecting on the unique family experiences that can be lost (11:21).

  "It's the experience that they're gonna have. And I kind of robbed them. But nine out of 10 said, yeah, do it, do it, do it, do it." — (C, 12:07)

Wedding Costs Breakdown (13:12)

• Engagement ring: $5,500+

• Photographer/videographer: $2,500

• Band: $3,000

• Rehearsal dinner: $1,100

• Flowers: $2,000+

• Wedding gown: $1,500 (some spend $10,000+)

• Venue fee: $435

• Wedding planner (17% use; avg. cost): $3,200

• Bartender: $3,000

• Honeymoon: $3,800

• Total projected average by 2012: $31,000

  "Save the 30 grand and save us the 30 grand and go to Vegas. Have a nice day." — (F, 12:20)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Eloping Easing the Stress:

  "We just said, you know what? Let's just call it a day." — Anna (03:29)

• On Keeping Secrets:

  "We didn't tell anyone that we got married in the few weeks we weren't ready to tell everyone." — Rachel (05:47)

• On Family Hopes:

  "My mother… was acting like it was her wedding, and she and I have completely different tastes." — Barbara (07:10)

• On Regret and Lost Experiences:

  "I feel like I robbed him of the—that's a unique experience, and I think it's probably one that he wanted in his life." — Host C (11:21)

• On the Overwhelming Cost:

  "Don't spend 28,000 or whatever the average cost is." — (E, 12:16)

• On Shared Sentiment:

  "Nine out of 10 are calling saying they did it. People were mad, but they endorse it." — Host summary (10:06)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:44] — Start of eloping discussion; listener emails and context
• [01:23] — Rising wedding costs as a motivator
• [02:48] — Anna’s elopement experience and advice
• [05:14] — Rachel’s secret marriage and consequences
• [06:46] — Barbara’s story: mother-daughter conflict leads to Reno elopement
• [08:44] — Julie elopes, delayed family reveal
• [10:13] — Sarah regrets her secret elopement; family pain
• [13:12] — Full breakdown of average wedding expenses
• [14:18] — Projected future costs
• [11:21] — Host personal anecdote about robbing family of traditions

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

• The episode is conversational, candid, and often humorous.
• A strong majority of listeners who called in support eloping for the reduced stress and cost, but there are cautions about possible long-term hurt from excluding loved ones.
• If listeners are on the fence, the hosts’ unofficial “poll” is overwhelmingly in favor of eloping—with just one counter-example of deep regret due to family exclusion.

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For anyone considering eloping, this episode delivers honest, relatable perspectives and underlines the importance of balancing personal happiness with the feelings of loved ones.

Transcript

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[C]

The birch show if you have eloped, if you ever eloped. Because this is the time of year now that we start to get the emails from virtual listeners that are getting married and that are so frustrated by the whole process that they seriously are. Are starting to consider just taking off, going to Vegas, doing something, the Bahamas. Just get up and go and deal with the ramifications of it later on.

[E]

Yeah. Let the florists keep the deposit and get out of there.

[C]

And if it was one email that we got or two emails I got, we probably would just sort of blow it off. But this is the time of year, I guess, because everybody's getting married now and those pressures are intense. People are seriously thinking about taking off.

[F]

Isn't it June and October? Like, aren't those big wedding months?

[E]

Yeah, I think so.

[F]

So this would be the October round of people who are like, uh, they maybe just went to all the June weddings, Right. And were like, I don't want to deal with that.

[C]

So I'm curious if you have. If you eloped, if you were giving advice to others, would you endorse it? Or would you say, it was the biggest mistake of my life. My family was so pissed.

[E]

Mm.

[C]

That I shouldn't have done it.

[E]

So eloped means, like, you can plan to elope. Right.

[C]

You're taking off. I mean, for me, a classic elopement is you're leaving and no one really knows about it. You just take off, you go to Vegas, and then when you come back, you say, hey, let's do something now. But I gotta let you know that we got married in Vegas over the weekend, or we went to Mexico, or we planned it ourselves, never told you guys about it. And now we're back.

[E]

Okay. It doesn't mean like, hey, I just met you in a bar at 2:00 in the morning. We're getting flights to Vegas and gonna go tie the knot.

[F]

No, this is the person you are engaged to.

[E]

Right.

[C]

And you can certainly understand why. How much it costs now to get married. $28,800.

[E]

That's the average from last year.

[C]

From last year.

[E]

So it's just going up from there.

[C]

By 2012, experts are predicting that's going to go to 31 over $31,000. So I can understand financially why you'd want to do it.

[F]

Also, it's a brand new car. Yeah. Could be two brand new cars or a brand new car and two tanks of gas.

[C]

Anna has eloped before. Hey, Anna.

[G]

Hey.

[C]

How are you?

[G]

I'm good.

[A]

How are you?

[C]

Give us the definition of you eloping.

[A]

Us eloping. My husband and I actually just went to a courthouse, did something small, and had a party at home with a couple of close friends, and went to Discovery Cove, and that was eloping. My parents gave us money and Brent kind of gave us money, but it was so much easier than actually going out and getting married and planning and stress and all that fun stuff.

[C]

Did everybody know, though, you were going down to the courthouse to get married?

[A]

No.

[C]

Okay, that's what we're looking for here. All right, so you guys, the stress was just getting to you guys, and you're like, forget it.

[A]

Yeah. We just said, you know what? Let's just call it a day. And we kind of looked at each other at the same time and said, you know what? That's just Zulu. And so we did it about six months earlier than we were supposed to get married and eloped and calls it a day.

[E]

Would you do it again?

[A]

Oh, yeah, definitely. Because my sister's gone through it, and she actually lives in Kansas, and we had the wedding in Atlanta, and it was just so much stress and the stress of my friends and everybody that has gone through, you know, planning a wedding, I just don't think it's worth it.

[C]

How did your parents react once you told them that you were already married?

[A]

They were. They. No, they knew my parents knew that I was getting married. I just didn't tell friends and stuff, family, because once we start involving everybody, it's. Okay, well, we'll come to the courthouse. Okay, well, we'll come to the courthouse. And it was just a bit of hurting feelings. We told my parents, told my sisters and did that.

[E]

Did he tell his parents, too?

[A]

His parents were Both dead.

[F]

Who was, who was most mad at you?

[A]

My best friend.

[C]

Really? She wanted to be part of it.

[A]

Yeah, but she was in the Air Force and she was already gone. But she wanted to be, she wanted to be a part of it. And that's the whole point of, you know, the wedding. But it just, it gets too crazy and talking out the money and I would. My parents actually gave us a lump shot like a check and just said, thank you so much for not involving stress and here's the money and call it a day.

[C]

So, yes, you would endorse eloping?

[A]

Yes, I would tell everybody. It's a heck of a lot easier. Save your money. And I mean, that day goes by so quick. I know that it's every little girl's dream, but once you go through the stress and the day goes by so quickly, you're kind of like, oh, well, that's it.

[C]

Thank you for calling. Rachel's eloped and no one knew about it. Hey, Rachel.

[G]

Hey.

[C]

Good morning.

[A]

Morning.

[C]

How long ago was this?

[G]

I actually, I eloped in 2003. I would do it again. I think it was a lot easier. I went to the courthouse and didn't tell anybody about it, but you have to put an address down. And I put my parents address down because I was living with them at the time and they sent the marriage license to my parents house. And that's when everyone found out.

[C]

So they found out before the wedding or after?

[G]

It was after. But we didn't tell anyone that we got married in the few weeks we weren't ready to tell everyone.

[C]

You were scared?

[G]

Yeah.

[E]

Do they. What, do they not like him?

[G]

Well, not anymore. We're actually divorced.

[F]

How long did the marriage last?

[G]

Three years.

[C]

And was part of the reason why you guys got divorced because your parents did not get along with him?

[A]

No.

[G]

He was in the military and it was not something we can handle.

[C]

So even looking back at it, the marriage didn't work. But as far as eloping, if somebody came to you and asked you for advice, would you say yes, go ahead and do it?

[A]

Absolutely.

[G]

It was so much easier. And by after it was over, I mean, it felt so great. Like you still feel like, you know, you're married. It feels great. But I would definitely do it again.

[C]

I can't really find anybody that says don't do it.

[E]

Really?

[C]

Yes. Hey, Barbara, you're on Q100. Hey, good morning.

[G]

Morning.

[H]

Yeah, I eloped in 92 and nobody knew. Nobody knew at all. We went to Reno, Nevada, got married at the Love Chapel by The Reverend Love.

[C]

And was just the pressures of the wedding just getting to be too much, and then you just took off or.

[G]

Yeah, it was like.

[H]

It was actually my mother that made me do it. We were still in the planning phases of the whole wedding, and she was acting like it was her wedding, and she and I have completely different tastes. I'm a little more sensitive, subdued, and classic, and she's very gauche, and.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

So she just took over. And everything she wanted to do, I absolutely hated.

[E]

That is great. And so was it. It was your decision. And was your fiance on board with it in like, two seconds?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[H]

He was totally on board. Yeah.

[C]

I think most of us.

[H]

She was so mad that we didn't get a wedding gift.

[C]

Is that right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

How long did it take her to get over?

[G]

Took her a few years.

[A]

But she always.

[H]

She always thought it was that my husband's idea, and she. She's always hated him.

[C]

So looking back at it, would you endorse it or would you say, don't do it?

[A]

You know, I would.

[H]

My mother and I had tension before the wedding, so it probably wouldn't have mattered who.

[A]

Who husband was.

[H]

You know, it just from the. Every other aspect, it was perfect. I mean, it was the. The way we wanted it to be, and we were very happy with how it was done. And she should be thanking me. I saved her a ton of money.

[C]

No one is calling to say, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. Really?

[E]

Nobody regrets it.

[C]

Doesn't look like anybody regrets it.

[F]

I'm still searching, but everybody's gonna have people who are mad. Overall, it was a good decision, but that girl's best friend was mad.

[C]

You think that they're gonna get over it, right? Good morning, Julie. You're on Q100.

[A]

Hi. My husband and I eloped last April, and we didn't tell anybody until about four months later.

[E]

Why a secret?

[A]

Well, just because we weren't ready to tell anybody either. I'm the baby of seven kids, and we ended up actually having to tell them because I found out I was pregnant.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

So I understand the eloping. I don't understand, once it's done, why you can't tell your family you're married.

[C]

I think it's one of those things, like, you know, when you want to break up with somebody and you're ready to do it, but it just never seems like a good time or you're gonna stop drinking, and you start looking at the calendar, and you're just like, it just never seems like a real good time to do it. You know, you got to. There's always something on the calendar that will give you the excuse not to. Is it like that?

[G]

Well, yeah.

[A]

And my sisters were all excited about planning my wedding and everything, and I mean, it was going to be huge. And I just couldn't get up the nerve to tell them we had gone off and done it.

[C]

And you endorse it or you regret it?

[A]

Definitely. I definitely endorse it.

[C]

Endorse it.

[A]

I would do it again.

[C]

We found one that regrets it. Okay. All right. But as a general rule, if the Birch show was going to make a general statement, it's like if you're thinking about eloping and the pressure has gotten to you, 9 out of 10 are calling saying they did it. People were mad, but they endorse it.

[E]

And they do it again.

[C]

But not Sarah. Hey, Sarah. Hey, good morning.

[G]

Regret it?

[F]

How come?

[G]

Because none of my family knew for a year. We kept it a secret for a year. And when they found out, there was more hurt than anything. I don't think my mom's ever really got over be getting married and not telling her.

[E]

How long ago was your wedding?

[A]

It'll be four years in August.

[E]

Four years and she's still not over it?

[G]

No, she just was hurt that she wasn't there.

[F]

Did you do any sort of follow up, ceremony, party event type thing that she could be a part of?

[A]

Yes.

[G]

They threw us like a wedding and all my family came down from New York and I mean, it wasn't big, but it was big enough. I think it made her happy, but she wishes that she could be a.

[A]

Part of the first one.

[C]

Do you have sisters?

[G]

I have one sister.

[A]

She's older than me.

[C]

Okay. And she got married already?

[G]

No, she's getting married in September.

[A]

She's got three kids and she's not married yet.

[C]

So she's not allowed to elope. Mom will not have eloped.

[F]

Wedding day.

[A]

It'll probably been better if she did elope.

[C]

But this part I can understand, like how you would regret that. I think I've told the story before that I didn't ask Stacy's dad for her hand in marriage because I thought it was just. I didn't think it was real. Like, even if he said no, I was going to go ahead and propose anyway. So it didn't. It just felt like kissing butt and looking back at it. A, he would have said yes, but B, it's his only daughter and I feel like I robbed him of the that that's a unique experience, and I think it's probably one that he wanted in his life. And I feel like I took that away from him.

[F]

Did we ever ask that question? If there's anybody who asked that and dad said no?

[C]

Yeah, I think we have.

[F]

And how do you handle that?

[C]

It's gonna happen anyway, Pops. Yeah.

[G]

My dad probably would have said no.

[A]

If he would have known.

[C]

So I could sort of understand from the parents thing like how you're looking at it going, eh, you know what? It's the experience that they're gonna have. And I kind of robbed them. But nine out of 10 said, yeah, do it, do it, do it, do it.

[E]

Don't spend 28,000 or whatever the average cost is.

[F]

Save the 30 grand and save us the 30 grand and go to Vegas. Have a nice day.

[C]

Average cost. Go through some of these numbers right now. 28,800. As Jen said, the average number of guests now at a wedding, 167.

[E]

Yeah, that's average. I think that would be considered, like, small in some towns.

[C]

167.

[E]

I bet you had more than that at your wedding.

[C]

I don't think we did.

[E]

You sure?

[C]

I'm pretty sure. Yeah. I'm almost positive. Stacy and I watched our wedding video a couple of weeks ago together, and I think she said it was less than 150.

[F]

Really?

[C]

Huh.

[F]

Why'd you watch your wedding video?

[C]

We were at. I don't know why. She popped. She popped it in. Obviously, she's like, you want to watch it? And there's only one answer in that case. When you're the husband, that's of course. What else? What else could I possibly want to do tonight?

[F]

I can't think of anything more fun than watch that.

[E]

Please turn off the game.

[C]

It took us 11 years to finally to watch it, but we did. The engagement ring average now is a little over $5,500. Your photography or your videographer, $2,500. The band's going to cost you three grand. The rehearsal dinner is going to set you back about 1,100 bucks. The flowers, over $2,000. The wedding gown. I was surprised by this. $1,500. When you look at all the other expenses, that one wasn't even in the top five.

[F]

But some people spent 10 grand on their wedding gown and more.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

The chapel or the site fee is $435,435. The wedding planner. Only 17% of brides actually use one. But when you do, it's going to set you back $3200.

[A]

Ouch.

[C]

For a wedding planner, your bartender is going to cost you three grand. And your honeymoon is probably one of your biggest expenses. $3,800.

[F]

Which is understandable because you want to get the hell away from all the stress that you just had spending the first 27 grand. Yeah.

[C]

And as I said before, experts are saying that by 2012, the number will jump to $31,000 for their average wedding.

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