The Bert Show — "Vault: Is Eloping Worth It Or Not?"
Episode Date: February 16, 2026
Overview
In this lively episode, The Bert Show team explores the pros, cons, and personal stories surrounding eloping, sparked by an uptick in listeners frustrated with the high cost and stress of traditional weddings. Hosts and listeners discuss whether eloping is worth it, share real-life experiences, offer advice, and touch on the emotional and financial consequences of choosing an alternative to the big white wedding.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Why the Elopement Debate?
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Seasonal Wedding Stress: At this time of year, overwhelmed listeners are reaching out about scrapping wedding plans and eloping (00:44).
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Traditional Costs: The hosts discuss the growing financial burden—average wedding cost is now $28,800 and projected to hit $31,000 (02:23, 14:18).
"It's a brand new car. Yeah. Could be two brand new cars or a brand new car and two tanks of gas." — (F, 02:41)
What Does Eloping Mean?
- The hosts clarify: eloping is generally getting married in secret, sometimes telling only close family, with no guests or large events (01:48, 02:12).
Listener Stories: Why (and How) People Eloped
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Anna: Courthouse Simplicity, Few Regrets
- Anna and her husband eloped at the courthouse, celebrated privately, and saved stress and money (02:57).
- Only told immediate family; avoiding a large event made everything easier (04:01).
- Most upset person: her best friend, who wished she’d been included (04:28).
- Endorsement:
"Yes, I would tell everybody. It's a heck of a lot easier. Save your money. ...Once you go through the stress and the day goes by so quickly, you're kind of like, oh, well, that's it." — Anna (04:55)
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Rachel: Secret Elopement, Military Life
- Married at the courthouse in 2003; only found out because the marriage license was mailed to her parents' address (05:19).
- She felt relief after eloping, though the marriage ended in divorce (06:03).
- Endorsement:
"Absolutely. It was so much easier. ...I would definitely do it again." — Rachel (06:32)
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Barbara: Mother-Daughter Tension Escalates to Elopement
- Eloped in Reno in 1992 due to her mother’s overbearing involvement in wedding planning (07:09).
- Her mother was upset and blamed her husband, carrying a grudge for years (07:46).
- Retrospective:
"From every other aspect, it was perfect. ...She should be thanking me. I saved her a ton of money." — Barbara (08:06)
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Julie: Eloping, Then a Big Reveal
- She and her husband eloped and kept it secret for four months, only revealing it after a pregnancy (08:44).
- Was the youngest of seven; too nervous to disappoint her sisters who wanted a big event (09:33).
- Endorsement:
"I definitely endorse it. I would do it again." — Julie (09:49)
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Sarah: The One Regretful Voice
- Eloped and kept it secret for a year; her family was deeply hurt (10:13).
- Her mom has never gotten over not being there—even after a follow-up family event (10:46).
- Regret:
"There was more hurt than anything. I don't think my mom's ever really got over me getting married and not telling her." — Sarah (10:14)
The Emotional Toll and Family Dynamics
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The majority of calls support eloping, but there's acknowledgement that some family and friends may feel hurt or left out (08:29, 10:13).
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Hosts compare this to not asking a partner’s parent for permission to marry, reflecting on the unique family experiences that can be lost (11:21).
"It's the experience that they're gonna have. And I kind of robbed them. But nine out of 10 said, yeah, do it, do it, do it, do it." — (C, 12:07)
Wedding Costs Breakdown (13:12)
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Engagement ring: $5,500+
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Photographer/videographer: $2,500
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Band: $3,000
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Rehearsal dinner: $1,100
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Flowers: $2,000+
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Wedding gown: $1,500 (some spend $10,000+)
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Venue fee: $435
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Wedding planner (17% use; avg. cost): $3,200
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Bartender: $3,000
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Honeymoon: $3,800
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Total projected average by 2012: $31,000
"Save the 30 grand and save us the 30 grand and go to Vegas. Have a nice day." — (F, 12:20)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Eloping Easing the Stress:
"We just said, you know what? Let's just call it a day." — Anna (03:29)
- On Keeping Secrets:
"We didn't tell anyone that we got married in the few weeks we weren't ready to tell everyone." — Rachel (05:47)
- On Family Hopes:
"My mother… was acting like it was her wedding, and she and I have completely different tastes." — Barbara (07:10)
- On Regret and Lost Experiences:
"I feel like I robbed him of the—that's a unique experience, and I think it's probably one that he wanted in his life." — Host C (11:21)
- On the Overwhelming Cost:
"Don't spend 28,000 or whatever the average cost is." — (E, 12:16)
- On Shared Sentiment:
"Nine out of 10 are calling saying they did it. People were mad, but they endorse it." — Host summary (10:06)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [00:44] — Start of eloping discussion; listener emails and context
- [01:23] — Rising wedding costs as a motivator
- [02:48] — Anna’s elopement experience and advice
- [05:14] — Rachel’s secret marriage and consequences
- [06:46] — Barbara’s story: mother-daughter conflict leads to Reno elopement
- [08:44] — Julie elopes, delayed family reveal
- [10:13] — Sarah regrets her secret elopement; family pain
- [13:12] — Full breakdown of average wedding expenses
- [14:18] — Projected future costs
- [11:21] — Host personal anecdote about robbing family of traditions
Overall Tone & Takeaways
- The episode is conversational, candid, and often humorous.
- A strong majority of listeners who called in support eloping for the reduced stress and cost, but there are cautions about possible long-term hurt from excluding loved ones.
- If listeners are on the fence, the hosts’ unofficial “poll” is overwhelmingly in favor of eloping—with just one counter-example of deep regret due to family exclusion.
For anyone considering eloping, this episode delivers honest, relatable perspectives and underlines the importance of balancing personal happiness with the feelings of loved ones.