Vault: Is Her Bird Talking? Listeners Weigh In

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Is Her Bird Talking? Listeners Weigh In

Date: March 6, 2026
Hosts: Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & more)
Episode Theme:
A listener, Christine, brings her family's cockatiel to the show, convinced it's trying to talk. The team, along with listeners, investigates whether the bird is truly saying something, inviting calls and expert opinions to weigh in.

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Episode Overview

This lighthearted episode dives into a playful debate: can Christine’s cockatiel actually talk, or is the family simply projecting meaning onto its chirps and whistles? The Bert Show team, known for their genuine and humorous rapport, creates an impromptu experiment, involving their live audience and a few colorful callers in the quest for a verdict.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introducing the Cockatiel Mystery

• Christine joins the show with her friend or family member to share audio clips of their cockatiel, whom they believe is trying to talk.
• The team decides not to reveal what Christine thinks the bird is saying, in order to avoid bias and let listeners judge for themselves.
• Christine’s family’s other pets—guinea pig and cat—are mentioned in passing.
• There’s a playful exchange about animal preferences and whether the cockatiel is “gifted.”

[00:22, Host 2]: “The only way that this is properly going to work is if you don’t tell us what your idea is and we hear it cold and the listeners hear it cold, and then we’ll give our guesses and take calls…”

Bird Audio Clips & Studio Banter

• Three cockatiel sound clips are played—some of which are just whistles, kisses, or bird noises.
• The hosts and in-studio guests alternate between skepticism and amusement over whether any words can be discerned.

[01:57, Host 1]: “I think we’re actually getting paid—no, we’re paying the bird.”
[03:41, Host 4]: “Gucci, Gucci goo.”
[03:56, Host 4]: “You think that’s a cry for help if you ask me.”

Listener Calls & Reactions

• The audience is invited to call in with their best guesses about what the cockatiel might be saying.

• The first caller, Megan, is dismissive: “Her birds aren’t talking,” sparking playful defensiveness and jokes about “angry bird people.”

• Listener Oliver is humorously exasperated:

  [05:18, Caller Oliver]: “But what in the hell are we doing listening to this cockatoo? Can we move on to something else?”

• Hosts acknowledge the segment’s silliness and the limits of “experiments” like these, which often draw out surprising levels of passion from listeners.

Christine’s Perspective

• After the team and several listeners fail to hear clear words, Christine and her family member reveal what they believe the cockatiel is saying:

  [05:47, Christine]: “Well, there’s times where I think it’s saying, ‘you’re making me crazy.’”
  [05:51, Christine’s Friend/Family Member]: “You make me crazy. Like, it just sort of sounds like he’s saying ‘crazy’ at the end.”

• The hosts discuss how it’s easy to start “hearing things” when you want to, reminiscent of auditory illusions and the famous “Tootsie Roll” misinterpretation from a previous ghost-hunting segment.

[06:08, Christine’s Friend/Family Member]: “The more he talks, the more it feels like he is saying something.”

Bird Expert Weighs In

• Megan, a knowledgeable caller who used to breed cockatiels, explains:

  [07:56, Megan]: “The bird is trying to talk. That’s what they sound like when they’re learning words. Their voices are very raspy… typically aren’t as clear as other parrots… most of the time, cockatiels are only able to learn one or two words at a time. So it’s probably something that they repeat to the bird.”

• This provides some validation to Christine, suggesting the bird might indeed be in the process of learning to mimic.

The Bert Show’s Final Take

• The consensus in the studio remains skeptical but good-natured—most agree they don’t hear clear words, but recognize the subjective nature of “pet talk.”
• The episode ends with encouragement and light teasing, as Christine is urged to visit a “pet psychic” or just keep enjoying her unique pet.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [03:15, Host 1]: “Let me go ahead and play the first sound… if you guys hear what he’s talking about, 404-741-Q100.”
• [04:27, Host 1]: “I don’t think your bird is saying anything.”
• [06:00, Host 1]: “I got nothing.”
• [07:06, Caller Oliver]: “I just hear the bird having a good time, making a little squeal… it’s just a bird having a good time making some noises…”
• [06:39, Host 4]: “Go to the pet psychic and then report back.”

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Timeline of Key Segments

• 00:15 – 01:15: Introduction of Christine & the cockatiel mystery; setup of the ‘cold’ listening experiment
• 01:31 – 03:38: Audio clips played; hosts, Christine, and her friend react and joke about what the bird is (or isn’t) saying
• 03:40 – 05:00: More reactions; first listener calls (Megan: “Her birds aren’t talking”)
• 05:13 – 06:00: Oliver’s call; segment skepticism grows; Christine shares what she believes the bird is saying
• 06:14 – 07:54: Friendly debate, discussion of “pet psychic,” and further listener reactions
• 07:56 – 08:34: Cockatiel breeder/expert calls in and provides explanation for the bird’s raspy “talking” attempts
• 08:34 – End: Show wraps up with thanks and final reactions

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Tone & Atmosphere

• Playful, self-aware, and gently mocking, both of themselves and of “bird people”
• A blend of skepticism, everyday authenticity, and camaraderie among hosts and listeners
• Offers lighthearted levity, showing how small mysteries bring out strong feelings and shift group dynamics, even over something as simple as bird noises

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Conclusion

This episode is a delightful slice of morning radio: funny, real, and a little absurd, with the Bert Show team giving airtime to small, charming mysteries of everyday life. Whether Christine’s bird is actually talking remains unresolved—but thanks to the hosts, callers, and a dose of playful skepticism, listeners get both entertainment and a reminder that sometimes, we hear what we want to believe.

Transcript

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[Host 1]

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[Host 2]

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FDIC, subject to credit approval.

[Caller Oliver]

The Bird Show.

[Host 1]

Good morning, Christine.

[Christine]

Hi.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

Good morning.

[Host 1]

How are you today?

[Christine]

Excellent.

[Host 1]

And I think this is a little ghost hunter ish here.

[Host 3]

Yes.

[Host 1]

You know, like, we play the audio and we couldn't really quite hear it in here, but maybe somebody in their car could figure it out.

[Host 2]

Right, so we're not gonna say what Christine thinks it is until we've taken a few calls.

[Host 1]

Right. I don't even have a clue. There's no sheet here in front of me that says what this bird is saying.

[Host 3]

I don't think she knows.

[Host 4]

Right.

[Host 3]

That's why she came to us.

[Host 2]

You have an idea, though, don't you?

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

I sort of think I know, but

[Christine]

I could be way off.

[Host 2]

Okay, well, the only way for this to be a properly good bird listening experiment, because I used to. I did these in college. So the only way that this is properly going to work is if you don't tell us what your idea is and we hear it cold and the listeners hear it cold, and then we'll give our guesses and take calls, and if any of them match up, we might have something.

[Host 1]

Okay, what kind of bird are we talking about here?

[Christine]

It's a cockatiel.

[Host 1]

A cockatiel? One of those. Growing up, my parents had one of those. Okay.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

It actually belongs to my daughter. She's sick and she loves animals. She has a guinea pig, cockatiel. We have a cat. You know, the whole deal.

[Host 4]

So all Bert's favorite animals wrapped into one.

[Host 1]

Do you have a ferret also? Because then we can totally complete the set right there.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

No, no, parrot.

[Host 1]

All right, so I've got three clips to play, and I think they're all different. One is 15 seconds long, one is 25, and the other one is just a second. I think they're all different. So if you guys listening in your car can hear what this bird is saying, then. Then give us a call. Hey, are we. Sometimes when we're. There's sometimes when we're doing the show where I can like, sort of have this out of studio experience and see the ridiculousness in it.

[Host 3]

I know, public service.

[Host 2]

Are we getting paid right now or is this kind of like just we're on our own?

[Host 1]

I think we're actually getting paid no,

[Host 3]

we're paying the bird.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

I just remember hearing on the ghost thing that. Remember they were saying Tootsie Roll? We all thought they were saying tootsie Roll. And then a caller called in and goes, no, I hear this. And I was just like, wow, that is exactly what I need. Because when I look at him and he's making these noises, I swear he's saying one thing.

[Christine]

But I. I just can't get, like,

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

his little face out of my head when I hear that noise. So I'm just hoping that someone will

[Christine]

be able to do that.

[Host 2]

Will you tell us what his expression's like? Will that help us?

[Christine]

No expression.

[Host 2]

None.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 4]

Do you think he's a gifted cockatiel?

[Christine]

I don't know.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

He gives kisses and he wolf whistles and whistles like that. I mean, he's really fun. The kids play with him all the time. And he's friendly.

[Host 2]

When he gives kisses, does he have soft lips?

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

No, he doesn't actually touch my mouth.

[Host 1]

Okay, let's not get weird about this.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

Yeah, he just kind of makes the noise like a kissing noise.

[Host 1]

All right, let me go ahead and play the first sound. And if you guys hear what he's talking about. 404-741. Q100. Where in there is he talking?

[Christine]

No, no, that.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

That one doesn't have any talking. Actually, I think it's like the one second one that has just a brief little thing that he says.

[Host 3]

You're just trying to show up. Okay, she's just trying to show out. Yeah, just sing. And the wolf was proof that he

[Host 2]

does that wolf whistle thing.

[Host 1]

Here's the one second clip.

[Host 4]

Gucci, Gucci goo.

[Host 1]

I don't think he's saying a damn thing.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

He's talking right now.

[Christine]

Do you hear?

[Host 3]

He's cussing you out.

[Host 2]

You think?

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

Can you hear?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 4]

You think that cry for help if you ask me.

[Host 1]

Get me out of here.

[Host 2]

I think he said leopard.

[Host 4]

An animal in duress figlet.

[Host 2]

Let me out of this cage and take me back to the Caribbean.

[Host 1]

Let's try it again. I don't. I don't hear anything in this. Hold on.

[Host 4]

I'm with Wendy. I think it sounds like Gucci. Gucci goo goo goo.

[Host 3]

Like a baby.

[Host 1]

Oh, they're having a conversation. It's not that gifted.

[Host 2]

He's talking to himself.

[Host 1]

I don't think your bird is saying anything.

[Christine]

Okay, you guys.

[Host 1]

Well, hold on.

[Host 2]

I know, but I mean, we got listeners who can call up people who hear this at home.

[Host 1]

Megan, good Morning. You're on Q100 hi. Yeah.

[Christine]

Oh, I'm echoing.

[Host 1]

What's that?

[Christine]

I'm echoing.

[Host 2]

No, you're not. You're high.

[Christine]

Oh, okay. Well, anyways, like, we have scorebirds, and we have two pocket seals, and they're making noise.

[Host 3]

I'm sorry, what?

[Christine]

Her birds aren't talking.

[Host 1]

They're just making noises.

[Christine]

Little noises. An idiot.

[Host 1]

Oh.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Host 2]

Hey. Why are you so mean?

[Host 3]

Cause her birds are smarter than this woman's birds.

[Host 4]

Yeah, she doesn't have gifted cockatoos.

[Host 1]

You know what?

[Host 2]

Bird people are angry.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

Wow.

[Host 1]

Oliver, go ahead. You're on Q100. Yes, sir.

[Caller Oliver]

I love you guys.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Caller Oliver]

But what in the hell are we doing listening to this cockatoo? Can we move on to something else?

[Host 1]

I think we're gonna have to, because I don't think it's saying anything. Are there any more clips?

[Host 3]

I'm so excited. I think this is a waste of

[Host 1]

five minutes right here.

[Host 2]

Oliver, what do you think it's saying?

[Host 1]

He's gone.

[Host 3]

That's the only clip of it.

[Host 1]

That's it.

[Host 4]

There's no more clips.

[Host 3]

I don't think it's saying anything.

[Christine]

All right.

[Host 1]

I don't think your bird is saying a damn thing. I'm not gonna wait. It's already too long.

[Host 2]

Christine, what did you think it was saying?

[Christine]

Well, there's times where I think it's saying, you're making me crazy.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

You make me crazy. Like, it just sort of sounds like he's saying crazy at the end.

[Host 2]

You might be hearing crazy.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

That's true. That's true.

[Host 1]

I got nothing.

[Chase Sapphire Reserve Announcer]

Zero.

[Host 3]

All right.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

I just.

[Christine]

Like I said, you know, you start

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

hearing things, and it's like the more he talks, the more it feels like he is saying something.

[Host 1]

I don't hear anything talking about it at all, though.

[Host 4]

But have you. I mean, you could seek out a pet psychic. Aren't there such things?

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

Yeah, no, I don't think that's Maya. I guess the caller that said I was an idiot is probably right.

[Host 3]

Her feelings are hurt.

[Host 1]

Don't get your feelings all hurt.

[Host 3]

I was so excited, and I just think that. That the solution is the fact that I don't think the bird's saying anything. That's it.

[Host 2]

Don't get your feathers all in a bunch.

[Host 4]

I say go to the pet psychic and then report back.

[Host 3]

I appreciate you coming to us. I do, too.

[Host 2]

I'm more fascinated by the person who's so angry that they call someone else an idiot.

[Host 1]

I know.

[Chase Sapphire Reserve Announcer]

Over a bit.

[Host 1]

Josh, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Christine]

Man.

[Caller Oliver]

That last caller just needs to go ahead and stop listening, to call in and call somebody an idiot. Disrespectful.

[Host 2]

You know what it might be? Maybe they gave up a vice this week as well. Yeah, maybe they're not.

[Host 4]

Quit smoking with me, Josh.

[Host 1]

You hear anything in that?

[Caller Oliver]

You know, I just hear the bird having a good time, making a little squeal. And I would just say it's just bird talk. I mean, nothing human like, but, you know, it's just a bird having a good time making some noises, you know? You have a lot of animals that do that type of thing? My wife's an animal person. I'm not, but.

[Host 4]

Has anybody ever told you you sound like Matthew McConaughey?

[Host 1]

Not at all. Just keep living, bro.

[Caller Oliver]

I'll run with it.

[Host 4]

You do. I really want a bird now?

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

I just think sometimes my husband says that when he's home and he lets the answering machine get the message. Sometimes the bird will just going crazy and talking, like right after he hears the message. And I guess just we call it talking because that's what my kids, you know, are four. They believe he's talking.

[Host 2]

Yeah, if you're a cockatiel, then he's definitely talking.

[Host 1]

Hey, Megan, go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Cockatiel Expert Caller]

I used to breed cockatiels, and I'm letting you know that the bird is trying to talk. That's what they sound like when they're learning words. Their voices are very raspy. They typically aren't as clear as other parrots, but most of the time, cockatiels are only able to learn one or two words at a time. So it's probably something that they repeat to the bird, and it's just saying it back, like whatever she says to the bird when she's holding it or, you know, over near its cage. It's probably what it's repeating.

[Host 2]

What are you saying? What are you saying?

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

Driving me crazy.

[Christine]

Yeah, so maybe I just rejected that.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

That's what he's saying.

[Host 3]

Thank you so much for calling.

[Christine]

All right, well, thank you.

[Host 1]

All right, bye. Bye.

[Christine's Friend/Family Member]

All right, bye.

[Caller Oliver]

The bird show.