Vault: Is It a red Flag If A Woman Says This?

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: Is It a Red Flag If a Woman Says This?"

Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Melissa, Jen, Drew Ski, Santa, Kerri, Zoey, Laura)
Date: December 22, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode explores a divisive question in contemporary friendships: Is it a red flag if a woman says she only has male friends and avoids friendships with other women? The Bert Show cast—along with callers—debates the underlying dynamics, personal reasons, gender differences, social perceptions, and the potential loss of meaningful relationships that arise from this stance. The tone is candid, humorous, and sometimes self-reflective, with lively debate and real-life perspectives.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening the Conversation (01:18)

• Catalyst: The topic stems from a previous show where a caller asserted she doesn’t have female friends and chooses not to work with women.

  • Bert: “It’s something that you would never ever hear a guy say...” (02:01)

• Initial Reactions:

  • Most women who called previously agreed media (like "Apprentice") portrayed female workplace dynamic accurately.
  • Some hosts/viewers see a woman shunning female companionship as a “red flag.”

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2. Why Some Women Avoid Female Friendships (02:27 – 04:29)

• Kerri (Caller):

  • Doesn’t dislike women but finds "weak women" frustrating.
  • Chooses associates over true friends, citing past betrayals (e.g., friends who "mess with married guys").
  • “I have a lot of associates. I deal with women, but it’s … from a distance…” (03:05)

• Melissa:

  • Wonders if distancing is about avoiding competition with other women, or not wanting to confront personal competitiveness.
  • “They have to eliminate women altogether because then that means they don’t bring out their own competitiveness.” (03:40)

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3. The "Red Flag" Debate (04:29 – 05:31)

• Melissa & Jen:

  • Argue that refusing friendships with women over a few bad experiences generalizes and dismisses opportunities for positive relationships.
  • Melissa: “I would never be able to be happy in my life without girlfriends.” (04:30)
  • Jen: “I think it’s also kind of arrogant… she’s presenting herself as she's above all other women.” (05:04)
  • Bert: “Isn’t that a catty move in itself?” (05:19)
  • Jen: “Saying you won’t hang out with other women because they’re too catty is kind of a catty thing to do.” (05:20)

• Meta-Reflection:

  • Criticizes the contradiction of labeling other women as catty—while also engaging in “catty” behavior by excluding them.

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4. Personality, Honesty, and Social Circles (05:52 – 07:20)

• Kerri (Another Caller):

  • Attributes her male-dominated friend group to a "strong personality" and shared interests (e.g., tech).
  • Finds women "don’t survive" directness, or aren't interested in the group's topics.

• Jen:

  • Points out these are two separate issues—personality clashes and interest gaps.
  • “You just said two different things…” (07:00)

• Melissa (jokingly):

  • “How many of their boyfriends you slept with? No, I’m just kidding.” (07:20)
  • (Self-awareness/joke highlights the topic’s sensitive nature.)

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5. The Case for Female Friendship (07:56 – 09:11)

• Laura (Caller):

  • Counters prior arguments, sharing a positive view of female camaraderie.
  • Her circle of women has supported each other for years during big life events and illnesses.
  • “I think women are wonderful… we come over… cook casseroles… clean their house.” (08:05)

• Bert:

  • Observes competitiveness even in long-standing female groups.
  • Suggests female competition is more about lifestyle (e.g., houses), while male competition is about possessions (e.g., cars).
  • “If a friend comes over… with a brand new car, I really don’t have the need to go out and get a nicer car than he does…” (08:53)

• Jen:

  • Highlights generalizing is problematic—competitiveness isn’t uniquely female or male.
  • “You just brought up you as a personal example, then you’re clumping women all together…” (09:20)

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6. Individual vs. Group Dynamics (09:38 – 10:18)

• Melissa:
  • Suggests group compatibility isn’t about gender but personality.
  • Some people thrive in groups; others only in one-on-one connections.
  • “Certain individuals, whether they’re male or female, can only handle friendships one on one.” (09:43)
  • Others adapt fluidly to group settings.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |---|---------|-------| | 02:01 | Bert | “It’s something that you would never ever hear a guy say, right?” | | 03:05 | Drew Ski/Kerri | “I have a lot of associates. I deal with women, but it’s… from a distance… I can't flock with you like that.” | | 04:30 | Melissa | “I would never be able to be happy in my life without girlfriends.” | | 05:04 | Jen | “It’s also kind of arrogant… she’s presenting herself as she's above all other women.” | | 05:20 | Bert | “Isn’t that a catty move in itself?” | | 07:00 | Jen | “You just said two different things… where one, you feel like you’re too honest and the women don’t survive and now you’re saying… it’s because they’re bored by your conversation.” | | 08:05 | Laura | “I just want to say, women are wonderful. I have, you know, a group of girlfriends… we come over… cook casseroles… clean their house.” | | 09:20 | Jen | “You just brought up you as a personal example, and then you’re clumping women all together… I certainly don’t represent all women.” | | 09:43 | Melissa | “Certain individuals... can only handle friendships one on one... when you put them in a group—they don’t function well.” |

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Workplace Dynamics & Media Portrayals: 01:18 – 02:27
• Callers Explain Avoiding Female Friendships: 02:27 – 04:29
• Red Flag Debate & Generalizations: 04:29 – 05:31
• Personality, Interests, and Honesty in Friendships: 05:52 – 07:20
• Positive Experiences of Female Friendship: 07:56 – 09:20
• Personality vs. Group Dynamics: 09:38 – 10:18

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Summary & Takeaways

• The cast and callers passionately debate whether shunning women as friends is a genuine reflection of personality, interests, or a problematic generalization rooted in bad experiences.
• The show underscores that while some women cite negative encounters or interests as reasons to avoid female friendships, others see this as a red flag or a loss of deep, supportive camaraderie.
• Throughout, hosts challenge each other's beliefs and highlight the diversity of personality and compatibility—regardless of gender.
• The consensus: meaningful friendships are about individual compatibility, not stereotypes, and long-term bonds—regardless of gender—can be both challenging and rewarding.

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Transcript

[Zoey]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Santa]

Zoey, this thing weighs a ton.

[Drew Ski]

Drew Ski, lift with your legs, man.

[Santa]

Santa.

[Drew Ski]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Santa]

He's talking to you britches.

[Drew Ski]

I'm not.

[Zoey]

Of course he did.

[Drew Ski]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list.

[Santa]

And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Zoey]

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[Drew Ski]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoey]

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[Santa]

Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile, switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge. Credit balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance Agreement. 256Gigs. $830 eligible for in a new line. $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line. Visit t mobile.com when you're a forward thinker, you don't just bring your A game, you bring your AI game. Workday is the AI platform that transforms the way you manage your people, money and agents so you can transform tomorrow. Workday, moving business forever forward. The Burt Show.

[Bert]

So we got into this conversation last week and we asked you guys if you work with a whole bunch of other women. Is what we're seeing on the Apprentice really a pretty good snapshot of what it's like with women working with other women.

[Melissa]

And.

[Bert]

And I think most called up and said, yeah, you know what? It's pretty good.

[Jen]

Definitely.

[Bert]

Yeah, it's pretty accurate. And then we had one woman call up and say that, you know what, this is the reason why she doesn't work with other women and she has no women friends. And that just drove Melissa crazy.

[Jen]

Well, I just feel like it sends up, I don't know, a red flag in my mind if a woman says that because I don't know if a woman has to make the statement that she's only friends with guys because she just doesn't like women as friends. I don't know, that says something to me more about her than. Than anything.

[Bert]

These are the women that I want to talk to. If you're a woman that just doesn't have any other women friends, you refuse to for whatever reason, I want to know what those reasons are. Because this, to me is only interesting because it's something that you would never ever hear a guy say, right?

[Santa]

I'm only friends with women.

[Bert]

Right. Just would not happen.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bert]

But what specifically happens in these relationships between women that you've just decide. Forget it, you know, I'm not doing this anymore. Hey, Marie, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Melissa]

Hey.

[Kerri]

Hey.

[Drew Ski]

I'm not gonna say that I don't like women. It's a lot of their ways I don't like. Friendship to me is a big word. And I'm your friend to the end, like a Chucky doll. But most of the women. I'm serious. But most of the women I run into, they're weak women. And I can't stand a weak woman. You know what I'm saying?

[Bert]

Are they really weak women or one of Melissa's big pet peeves? And there are a lot of them.

[Melissa]

Oh, see, stop doing that.

[Bert]

Is that when women put on the face of the pass when they're around other men, and that just absolutely drives her crazy.

[Drew Ski]

I mean, if I don't like you, you know, it. And I have a valid reason not to like you. But I have a lot. Well, I'll say I have a lot of associates. I deal with women, but it's, you know, from a distance, you know what I'm saying? Because I've had friends that I thought were friends that mess with married guys. I'm not with that. They say birds of a feather flock together, and I can't flock with you like that. So I've had to let a lot of friendships go because of, you know, certain instances. And I mean, we're still associates. I mean, I do anything for them. But as far as going out with them and hanging with them, uh, I can't do it. Can't do it. Catty. Very catty.

[Melissa]

Do you think when women say, I only hang out with friends, guy friends, that they're almost feeling like they're withdrawing themselves from the competition with other women? Like they, like they feel like women are competitive because they're competitive, and they have to eliminate women altogether because then that means they don't bring out the own. Their own competitiveness. Does that make sense?

[Kerri]

I agree.

[Drew Ski]

I agree with you on that. I understand what you're saying with that now. Like I said, I've had what I consider to be Friends until they did something that I just couldn't, you know, I couldn't deal with. And I'm like, you know, you can call me, but we don't talk. You know, we don't talk to each other every day. It's not a friendship like that. But I do anything for them. But I'm not gonna sit there and say, oh, well, I'm not just gonna make a female friend. It's not that. It takes a lot more for me to be your friend than just, you know, hanging out, talking on the phone.

[Bert]

Right.

[Melissa]

Well, and I agree with you on that. I think that the danger in it saying, well, I'm not friends with any women, I'm only friends with guys, is that you're taking specific toxic friendships that have gone wrong and lumping all women into that. And I think you're missing out on some of the best friendships of your whole life. I would never be able to be happy in my life without girlfriends.

[Drew Ski]

No, I can hang with you. See, you cool. You cool people. I can hang with you. Oh, no, no, no. We can just be associates. Okay. Because friendship is a big word to Melissa and Jen. They're cool. They're cool.

[Jen]

And this is not necessarily a reflection of her, because she was saying hers is a little different. But I think it's also kind of arrogant. If a woman says that she does not gonna hang out with other women, she's presenting herself as she's above all other women, that she does not get catty herself. She does not get, you know, do some of the things that she blames other women for.

[Bert]

Well, isn't that a catty move in itself?

[Jen]

Yes.

[Bert]

Saying that you won't hang out with other women because they're too catty is kind of a catty thing to do.

[Melissa]

Absolutely.

[Jen]

And you're a reflection of what you hate in other women.

[Melissa]

And then you're. And then you're hanging out with guys, crabbing about the women you're not hanging out with.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Bert]

What?

[Santa]

Just the whole, like, I feel like I'm trapped in Oprah's head.

[Bert]

What do you mean?

[Santa]

Just with the girls going back and forth and catty and woman call. Listen, I am not catty.

[Drew Ski]

And I'm not gonna say I'm catty.

[Santa]

But friendship is a big word. And I will not be friends with somebody who does this, this, or this. I mean, I'll be an associate with them. I am not catty.

[Bert]

Hey, Kerri, go ahead.

[Kerri]

Basically, my whole thing is that I have just a very strong personality, and I have that problem of being too honest sometimes. And it seems that my circle has just kind of evolved into an all male circle. Most of the females that happen to come around, they either just don't survive their feelings get hurt or something.

[Jen]

Survive? I don't survive my wrath.

[Bert]

Are you saying that you're too strong and the women that were in your social group can't hang with you because you're too strong a personality?

[Kerri]

No, it's that they choose to leave. Like they just. And it's not just me. I mean, my friends all have like, I mean, you know how you tend to kind of gravitate towards people who have like the same interests and such as you. So I think maybe because we're more into like computers and stuff and that is still like a very dominated, like male dominated field, you know. And so it's just like, it's almost like an odds game where it's like there just aren't that many females in that specific thing. And so, you know, most females are just like bored with the conversation or get like bored with what we do.

[Jen]

So you just said two different things. I'm sorry, Jen, you just said two different things where one, you feel like you're too honest and the women don't survive and now you're saying that it's because they're bored by your conversation so.

[Kerri]

Well, I think it's a matter of both because it's just, I mean, it's just a matter of like interest and a matter of like personality.

[Melissa]

I just want to know how many of their boyfriends you slept with. No, I'm just kidding. I'm totally kidding.

[Bert]

Getting all catty now. I understand why women aren't hanging out.

[Melissa]

With women.

[Jen]

But I'm a perfect example. I'm a woman who speaks my mind and you know, and says how I feel. And I've got plenty of female friends. I mean, it's just you can't just take one woman and her personality that you didn't mesh with and blame all women for it. Because women are just as complex. You know, there's a variety of women out there. So you can be friends with a strong headed woman or a woman who does, you know, resign herself to being this, you know, stupid girl in front of guys. I mean, then there's a whole range in between.

[Bert]

Hey Laura, you're on all the hits. Q100.

[Kerri]

Hi, I just wanted to make a comment about all the women calling in, calling women catty and how they wouldn't.

[Drew Ski]

Be friends with other women.

[Kerri]

I just wanted to Come in on the other side and say how women, I think, are wonderful. I have, you know, a group of girlfriends that we've been friends since we were in high school. And when any of us gets married, when any of us have had babies, I mean, we come over each other's houses, we cook casseroles. When someone's sick, we clean their house.

[Bert]

See, I'll give you the opposite, though. I've seen a lot of women groups that have known each other since they were in high school, but they're still very competitive with each other.

[Jen]

Go ahead, because I want to respond to Bert. Okay.

[Kerri]

I just. I just want to say that, don't get me wrong, you have that, but you have that with men as well. I mean, men, you know, will go out, buy a car, show it off to his friends. I don't think that there's a difference between the sexes. There might be a different way that women might be a little competitive with each other.

[Bert]

I really do feel it's different. Like if I, like, I feel if a friend comes over to my house with a brand new car, I really don't have the need to go out and get a nicer car than he does. But I think if in a women's circle, if one of her best friends gets a nicer house. Or am I speaking wrong?

[Santa]

No, you're totally right.

[Bert]

Am I out of turn if it has more to do with lifestyle in a woman's case? I think you guys get more competitive with each other than men do.

[Jen]

But see, you just brought up you as a personal example, and then you're clumping women all together. If a friend of mine gets a better house than me, I don't get catty about it, and I don't want a better house. But I have seen men who need to buy as well as big a toy, if not a bigger toy than his friend. So, again, I think it's individual. I don't think you represent all men. And I certainly don't represent all women.

[Bert]

No, I do. I represent all men.

[Drew Ski]

Oh, God, no, you don't.

[Bert]

That's for sure. I don't.

[Melissa]

And I think this is another point to make is I think certain individuals are good in groups, and certain individuals are not good in groups. I think certain individuals, whether they're male or female, can only handle friendships one on one. And I think when you put them in a group situation, they don't function well in a group. Because I have had friends like that that are great one on one, but you put them in a group of people. And then all of a sudden they become competitive and what. And it doesn't matter what group that.

[Jen]

Is, whether that's a work group of.

[Melissa]

People and it's mixed, you know, it's co ed or whether that's a group of girlfriends, whatever. But some people should just stick to friendships one on one.

[Bert]

Agreed.

[Melissa]

And other people can be really great and cohesive in a group and kind of change their role and be a little bit more fluid to go along with what the group wants to do. Other people are like, this is a my way or the highway. And that's it.

[Santa]

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[Drew Ski]

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[Melissa]

Yeah, I totally do.

[Drew Ski]

Yeah, I totally do.

[Santa]

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[Zoey]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[Santa]

Zoe. This thing weighs a ton.

[Drew Ski]

Drewski, live with your legs, man.

[Melissa]

Santa.

[Drew Ski]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[Santa]

He's talking to you. Bridges.

[Zoey]

I' of course he did.

[Drew Ski]

Right, Santa, you know my elf drew ski here. He handles the nice list.

[Santa]

And elf, I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Zoey]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And at T mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Drew Ski]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoey]

And the best part, you can make the switch to t mobile from your phone in just second a 15 minutes.

[Santa]

Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber. The holidays are better. AT T mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now t mobile is available in U. S cellular stores with three four monthly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credit and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel finance agreements. 156 gigs 830 eligible for in a new line 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line. Visit t mobile.com.