Vault: Is It Normal To Date Without Being Intimate?

Summary

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The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Is It Normal To Date Without Being Intimate?

Date: February 6, 2026
Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & more

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Episode Overview

In this episode, The Bert Show team takes on a relatable dating topic: Is it normal (or healthy) to date someone for a while without becoming intimate? Sparked by a listener's experience of cuddling but not advancing to greater intimacy, the crew and callers humorously and honestly unravel the pressure, expectations, confusion, and occasional surprises that come with slow-burn romance or courtship without physical progression.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Spark: Wendy’s Story

[00:01–00:53]

• Wendy shares her recent dating experience: she met a guy, they hung out, went back to his place, watched movies, and cuddled in bed — but nothing else happened.
• The cast marvels at the idea of a man genuinely wanting just to cuddle, especially after Wendy arrived tipsy and he helped sober her up.
  • Quote: “So not only this, he got you sober in order to take advantage of your cuddle with you. I'll tell you what, I'm gonna get drunk Wendy back to my house, I'm gonna sober her up, and then we are gonna hug.” (A, 00:37)
  • Laughter follows about the "innocence" of a cuddle-focused night.

2. Friend Zone or Something More?

[00:58–01:08]

• The hosts contemplate: with so much nonsexual contact, does a relationship risk sliding into the friend zone?
• Jessica, another caller, faces a similar scenario.

3. Jessica’s Painting (& Revealing) Story

[01:08–02:25]

• Jessica describes dating a guy who is physically attractive, flirty, and yet—after days of painting together, cuddling, and a few weeks of hanging out—makes no serious romantic or sexual advances.
• Eventually, she learns he’s gay. The conversation turns comedic as the hosts list “signs” (interest in shopping, doing her hair, good dancer, former flight attendant).
  • Quote: “A guy invites you over to his house to do some interior decorating. Then you guys get in bed together and nothing happens for three weeks.” (A, 02:06)
  • Quote (sarcastically): “You're shocked to find out that he's gay.” (A, 02:19)

4. Long-Term Non-Intimacy in Dating

[02:38–03:54]

• Katherine calls in to share a different, genuine experience: she dated someone officially for three months — including overnight visits — with no sexual intimacy, not even kissing.
  • Quote: “I actually dated a guy a couple years ago ... we went three months without doing anything. Yeah, it was not even kissing.” (E, 02:42)
• Distance and living situations partly played a role, but ultimately she found such restraint refreshing and says it led to a more passionate relationship once intimacy began.
  • Quote: “It's almost ... really refreshing and it's comforting... I just had so much respect for him for not trying to get in my pants, like, the first night we were together.” (E, 03:38)
  • The cast expresses disbelief: “I think three months, though.” (B, 03:54)

5. Studio Reaction: Is Waiting Too Long Unusual?

[04:07–04:39]

• The female hosts respond with incredulity at Katherine's story, expressing that waiting three months is “too long.”
  • Quote: “I just think that's too long. I think it's way too long.” (D, 04:10)
• They acknowledge, however, that taking things slowly, especially on the first night, can be effective and reduce nervousness for women—potentially deepening interest and desire.
  • Quote: “I do think, though, that guys don't understand how effective the first night not trying anything can be... making her want more, making her that wants to initiate, I think it takes her nervousness out of it.” (D, 04:15)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Platonic Cuddling:
  • “I'm gonna get drunk Wendy back to my house, I'm gonna sober her up, and then we are gonna hug … This is gonna be the best hug that you have ever had.” (A & C, 00:37–00:56)
• On Realizing the Obvious:
  • “A guy invites you over to his house to do some interior decorating. Then you guys get in bed together and nothing happens for three weeks.” (A, 02:06)
  • “You're shocked to find out that he's gay.” (A, 02:19)
• On Respect and Desire:
  • “I just had so much respect for him for not trying to get in my pants, like, the first night we were together.” (E, 03:38)
  • “I do think ... guys don't understand how effective the first night not trying anything can be.” (D, 04:15)

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Highlighted Timestamps

• 00:01–00:53 — Wendy’s initial cuddle story
• 01:08–02:25 — Jessica’s calls with the ‘painting and cuddling’ experience
• 02:38–03:54 — Katherine details her three-month platonic dating phase
• 04:07–04:39 — In-studio opinions and candid reactions to waiting

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode mixes genuine curiosity, playful ribbing, a bit of skepticism, and a few “aha!” moments. While the cast jokes about platonic cuddles and navigates stereotypes, they also explore comfort, respect, and differing expectations around dating intimacy. For listeners, it’s a humorous yet thoughtful look at whether “slow” means “friend-zoned,” signals something deeper, or, sometimes—something unexpected.

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For anyone questioning the ‘right’ pace in dating, this episode offers laughs, anecdotes, and food for thought about what’s “normal,” what’s healthy, and what makes romance worth the wait.

Transcript

[A]

The Birch Show.

[B]

Wendy here was telling us that she meets a guy over the weekend. It's a guy over the weekend or you've been talking to him for a little bit.

[C]

Just talking to him for a little bit.

[B]

Just talking to him. They go and hang out and he takes her back to his place and they watch movies and then they cuddle.

[D]

And you are fascinated by this concept.

[B]

In the same bed, he wraps his arms around her and cuddles her all night long and doesn't make any move at all. Zero. No kissing, no feeling, no trying to get to nothing.

[A]

Were you drunk?

[C]

I was when I got there.

[A]

Oh, but he sobered you up. So not only this, he got you sober in order to take advantage of your cuddle with you. I'll tell you what, I'm gonna get drunk Wendy back to my house, I'm gonna sober her up, and then we are gonna hug. I'll tell you what, Wendy, I am gonna hug you all night long.

[C]

This is gonna be the best hug.

[A]

That you have ever had.

[B]

But the question is, he's never hunted like me before. How long do you go with this, like, innocent cuddling thing and not making a move before you end up in the friend zone? And Jessica is getting close to that right now. Hey, Jessica.

[E]

Hi.

[C]

How are you?

[B]

Good, how are you?

[C]

I'm great. Okay. I have the same circumstance. I met this guy when I was a waitress. He was really, really good looking, super hot, really sweet, flirty. So we started hanging out and everything. He's really, really nice. And he took me back to his house because he wanted me to help him paint. So we were painting all day and when it was time to go to bed, he kind of leaned over and, you know, gave me a little kiss and we cuddled a little bit. But nothing happened at all. Nothing. He didn't make any moves or anything like that. So that's when I started getting curious.

[A]

Even after all that painting.

[E]

Sorry.

[A]

Even after all that painting, nothing happened.

[C]

Nothing. It was really weird. And he's a really good looking guy. So a couple weeks went by, same scenario, nothing happened. So I started getting a little curious, you know, kind of weirded out. So we stopped talking for a while. I found out through a good guy friend of his that he was actually on gay Internet sites and he had been keeping it from everyone.

[A]

So a guy invites. A guy invites you over to his house to do some interior decorating. Then you guys get in bed together and nothing happens for three weeks.

[D]

And then she said, he's really good looking. I Thought, honey, I could have told you that.

[A]

You're shocked to find out that he's gay.

[B]

And he was a great dancer, and he was a flight attendant for a while.

[C]

Always wanted to go shopping with me.

[A]

I loved before we go out because I would just go over to his house with my hair wet, and he would do it all off. And he was gay. Do you believe that?

[D]

Do you believe that?

[A]

Trucker?

[B]

Katherine, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[E]

Hi. How are y' all doing?

[B]

Good. How are you?

[E]

I'm doing well, thank you. Listen, y' all are gonna think I'm nuts, but it's. I actually dated a guy a couple years ago. We're not dating anymore, but we went three months without doing anything. Yeah, it was not even kissing.

[B]

Now, these. These were official dates, or is this just a guy you were hanging out with?

[E]

No, no, we were dating. We met in August, started dating in November, and we both were in college, and we went to different colleges outside the state and saw each other for Thanksgiving and then saw each other again. Spent a month together for Christmas. But we both. When we came home, we stayed with our family, so it was kind of awkward for us to be spending the night with each other. So I actually went to visit him where he was going to school in January for, like, two weeks. And we. I spent the night at his apartment every night. And for, like, the first two nights we spent the night, nothing happened. And we just cuddled, like Wendy said. And it's so. It's. It's almost. It's really refreshing and it's comforting.

[D]

I don't know.

[E]

It's something about it. And I just had so much respect for him for not trying to get in my pants, like, the first night we were together. So it ended up being, like, the most passionate relationship I think I've ever had. Once we started, you know, being intimate. So there's something to say for men who respect you like that.

[B]

I think three months, though.

[E]

Yeah. Yeah. Which is. It's nuts. But I. He was such a great guy and still is. You know, we're. We're on good terms and. Yeah.

[B]

So why is everybody in the studio shaking? Why are all the women shaking their heads right now?

[D]

I mean, I just think that's too long. I think it's way too long. I mean, there. When she explained how they was long distance for a while, you know, But I do think there's no way I could wait that long. I do think, though, that guys don't understand how effective the first night not trying anything can be. Because I think for a lot of women, if you're in your own head and you're nervous or whatever, it's going to be more awkward. But in Wendy's case, making her want more, making her that wants to initiate, I think it takes her nervousness out of it.

[A]

The Birch Show.