Vault: Is It Normal To Do This While Watching TV?

Summary

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The Bert Show Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: Is It Normal To Do This While Watching TV?
Release Date: January 29, 2026
Main Theme:
The hosts of The Bert Show explore quirks and odd habits people have in their private lives and ask, “Am I Normal?” through hilarious, relatable, and sometimes bizarre listener calls and team confessions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Am I Normal?” Concept

• The show centers around people calling in to share secret habits or thoughts they’re unsure are normal, offering comfort in shared weirdness.
• Host A sets the tone:

  “There’s a lot of comfort in numbers, especially if you think you might do something that’s a little on the freaky side and you’re not sure anybody else does the same thing.” (00:00)

2. Fantasies of Fame and Fortune

• Listeners and hosts reveal they’ve imagined accepting major awards or winning the lottery:
  • Practicing Oscar acceptance speeches in the mirror – a surprisingly common daydream.
  • Host C:

    “A lot of times... if I go up a big staircase, I just imagine that I’m walking up to accept an award.” (00:49)

  • Pretending to win the Powerball or Mega Millions and planning a reaction.

3. Daily Life as Cinematic Experience

• Hosts admit to making ordinary activities more exciting by imagining themselves as movie characters or in dramatic situations.
  • Imaginary announcer voices at traffic lights, pretending to drag race the car beside.
  • Host A:

    “When I’m first in line at the intersection... I always have an announcer’s voice in my head, like I’m in some kind of drag race.” (02:26)

  • Visualizing workout montages, channeling the “before-and-after” transformation scenes prevalent in films.
  • Fantasizing about being in a chase with the police.

4. Method Acting and TV Drama Reenactments

• Listener E calls in, sharing that she acts out emotional scenes from TV dramas in the mirror, even making herself cry.

  • E:

    “I always act it out... I’ll go into the mirror and I’ll just start, you know, tearing up and just... act out the part with as much emotion as I possibly can.” (02:54)

• Hosts discuss attempts to cry on command after being impressed by child actors’ abilities.

  • Host B:

    “I sat there... trying to do it. I ended up just, you know, wiping soap in my eye.” (03:47)

5. Crime, Mystery, and Morbid Planning

• Listener Tony details in-depth hypothetical conversations with his wife about how to dispose of a body after watching too many crime dramas.
  • Tony:

    “We have two things we discuss on a regular basis. One is how to dispose of a body... great detail of how we do it and never get caught.” (04:06)

• The topic snowballs with hosts and listeners confessing to pondering body-hiding logistics when encountering isolated areas, referencing mafia movies, and seeing large car trunks.

6. Childhood Quirks & Secret Practices

• Teresa admits to making hideous faces and the most obnoxious noises in the mirror when home alone.
  • Teresa:

    “I look in the mirror and I make the ugliest face possible...the loudest, most annoying noises that I can possibly make.” (05:34)

• Discussion prompts the group to reminisce about first “kissing practice,” ranging from the mirror to Coke bottles to hands for practice.

7. Pop Culture Fantasies

• Mo reveals she and her sister still wait each September for their Hogwarts letters, long past "expiration age."
  • Mo:

    “My sister and I...we still wait for our Hogwarts letter. Even though we are way past our expiration date.” (07:44)

8. Elaborate Hypotheticals: Robbing Banks

• Listener calls in on a voice disguise to describe planning a “perfect” bank robbery after mocking criminals on TV.
  • G:

    “We’ve planned out precisely how to rob a bank...if you really want to rob a bank, this is the way to do it.” (08:23)

9. Everyday Escapism

• Many listeners confess to pretending to audition for American Idol or singing in the car as if on stage.
  • Sharon:

    “Whenever I’m in my car and singing, I pretend like I’m auditioning for American Idol and the judges want me to sing the whole song because I’m that good.” (09:22)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host C, Oscar Stairs Moment:

  “The last one or two is like, yeah, here I am.” (01:12)

• On acting out TV dramas:

  “I’ll go into the mirror and I’ll just start... tearing up and just... act out the part with as much emotion as I possibly can.” – Listener E (02:54)

• On contemplating crimes:

  “This is dead serious. We discuss how we could get away with killing that person and disposing of the body, grinding the teeth down, disposing of the murder weapon...get rid of the blood traces.” – Tony (04:06)

• Quirks in solitude:

  “I make the ugliest face possible, and I try to make...the loudest, most annoying noises that I can possibly make. But I’m always there by myself when I do it.” – Teresa (05:34)

• On waiting for Hogwarts:

  “We still wait for our Hogwarts letter. Even though we are way past our expiration date.” – Mo (07:44)

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Highlight Timestamps

• [00:00–02:00] — Introduction to “Am I Normal?” + first confessions about Oscar speeches
• [02:26] — Hosts share everyday activities turned into dramatic moments
• [02:54] — Listener E acts out TV scenes in her mirror
• [04:06] — Tony and wife’s detailed conversations about disposal of a theoretical body
• [05:34] — Teresa’s solo ugly faces and noises routine
• [06:12] — First “kissing practice” confessions
• [07:44] — Mo waiting for her Hogwarts letter
• [08:23] — Planning a “perfect bank robbery” (with voice changer)
• [09:22] — Sharon auditioning for American Idol, alone in the car

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Overall Tone

The episode is irreverent, playful, and comforting in its honesty about everyday oddities. The hosts create a safe space for confessions—sometimes outrageous, often hilarious, and always relatable—reminding listeners that everyone has a bit of “freak” in them.

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Perfect For:
Anyone looking for a laugh, a sense of camaraderie in their quirks, or validation that even the oddest daydreams are completely normal to someone out there.

Transcript

[Host 1]

Hey, the bird show. There's a lot of comfort in numbers, especially if you think that you might do something that's a little on the freaky side and you're not sure anybody else does the same thing. We call this segment Am I Normal? Right. Where you guys call up and you tell us, like, the things that you. You're not real sure other people share with you that you do like calls in the past that we've gotten was from one Birch show listener that said that she. Before the Academy Awards, she would practice her acceptance speech even though she wasn't at the Academy Awards and she's never acted in her life.

[Host 2]

Well, and more importantly, that's not what she does for a living.

[Host 3]

Yeah, right.

[Host 1]

She would just go in front of a mirror and she would practice her acceptance award.

[Host 3]

But a lot of people were laughing right now because at one point or another, I would think most women have tried or thought about what they would say or who they would think. And it changes every year. And then I said, thank you, Liz.

[Host 4]

You're right.

[Host 3]

And then I said that every time. A lot of times, if I go up a big staircase that I just imagine that I'm walking up to accept an award because it. Because. And it goes back to the Oscars growing up, watching it, where, you know, there's always. By the time they make it to the stairs, whoever receives the award, you kind of start seeing the celebration, and whoever's handing it to them is really excited for them. So they take the last couple steps up to the top that is a little slower. They'll go up the steps, and then that last one or two is like, yeah, here I am. So there's been times in my life where I've gone up a staircase and the last two steps are like, here I am.

[Host 1]

And we'll have other people call up and go, you know what? It's not so crazy because I absolutely do the same thing.

[Host 2]

But the person who pretended they would randomly pretend that they. The Powerball.

[Host 1]

I don't remember that one.

[Host 2]

Yeah, they would act like how they would act if they won the Powerball or the Mega Millions or whatever. The big audience act like they just won 100. What's it. It's up to something big now, right?

[Host 1]

It's like 130 something.

[Host 4]

No, somebody won it.

[Host 3]

Morning.

[Host 4]

The boards are back to 12.

[Host 2]

Bastards.

[Host 1]

40474, 1. Q100. I had. Mine wasn't nearly as good as that one, but I always, like, stare at my eyes in the mirror to try to see my Pupils dilate, so you shift from one eye to the other to see if I can catch my pupil dilating from far distance to short distance.

[Host 3]

That's funny.

[Host 4]

I have in my mind sometimes when I'm on the treadmill. You know how in the movies, there's the montage of the person who gets really, really fit, and you see them in their before, and then you see them in their after, but there's always that montage of them working out. Like, for whatever reason, in my mind, I'm in that middle of that montage when I'm on the treadmill.

[Host 1]

I will still do this one.

[Host 3]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Oh, yeah. I'll still do this one. When I'm first in line at the intersection, it's just me up against somebody, you know, and there's another car next to me. I always have an announcer's voice in my head, like I'm in some kind of drag race, and I have to beat the guy off the line to.

[Host 3]

The green light, like, better off dead. Remember that movie where he would always race the Asian brothers over next to him?

[Host 1]

I don't.

[Host 3]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Is that the I want my $2 movie? Yeah.

[Host 2]

That's a great movie.

[Host 3]

Awesome. One of my favorites.

[Host 1]

Cd.

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Host 1]

What's up?

[Caller 1]

Well, I have a lot of my normals, but the one that, you know, that I do a lot is when I'm watching tv, like a drama movie, where there's a lot of emotion and passion. Like, I always act it out. Like, I'll go into the mirror and I'll just start, you know, tearing up and just, you know, trying to act out the part with as much emotion as I possibly can.

[Host 1]

Have you guys ever done that before where you've tried to make yourself cry over nothing?

[Host 2]

I've actually done that where I sat, because I'm really impressed with the actors, especially when children actors, like, I don't know if it was Dakota Fanning or some other child actor, but the person who was, like, inside the actor's studio or some type of show like that, where they were explaining, this child actor could cry on command. And so I sat there and I'm.

[Host 3]

Like, trying to do it.

[Host 4]

Staring at an onion.

[Host 1]

Mace yourself.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I'm just trying to. I ended up just, you know, wiping soap in my eye.

[Host 1]

Did you ever. Did you pull it off?

[Host 2]

Couldn't do it. Could not force it.

[Host 3]

I had a friend in high school that she could do it, but she'd manipulate her boyfriend with it. So she used her power for evil rather than good.

[Host 1]

Hey, Tony, you're on Q100. Are you normal?

[Caller 2]

I can't believe I'm gonna admit this on the air, but there are two things my wife and I believe in. Married 22 years, and we love to watch murder mysteries and who done it in action movies. And we. This is dead serious. We have two things we discuss on a regular basis. One is how to dispose of a body. Say that someone molested my son or raped my wife. Then I would kill them. And we really discuss how we could get away with killing that person and disposing of the body, grinding the teeth down, disposing of the murder weapon. I'm talking about the CSI getting rid of the blood traces. I mean, the great detail of how we do it and never get caught.

[Host 2]

I've actually had the thought that if I ever had to hide a body, like, if I'm driving through, like, some deserted part of the world, I'm like, this is a good place.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

Like, I've. Like, it's. I've actually, like, in my mind, it's good knowing all my friends. None of them will ever call me again. But, like, I've. If I'm driving through, like, crazy farm country or something like that, and I'm like, if you're gonna hide a body, why don't you just do it out here? It's more of a thought of, like.

[Host 3]

Don'T be stupid with your dead body.

[Host 2]

Why not do it out here?

[Host 1]

Sometimes those thoughts will scare you.

[Host 3]

Man.

[Host 2]

Who's ever gonna find it out here? Like, I'll see really thick woods right there.

[Host 3]

But, you know, anytime I see a car that has an unusually large trunk, then I think of, like, mafia movies.

[Host 4]

In the bodies, and somebody's in there.

[Host 3]

Yeah, that, you know. Yeah.

[Host 1]

Good morning, Teresa. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 1]

Hey.

[Host 1]

Hey.

[Caller 1]

I live by myself, and what I do is I look in the mirror and I make the ugliest face possible, and I try to make. I make a ton of them. And then I make the loudest, most annoying noises that I can possibly make. But I'm always there by myself when I do it.

[Host 3]

Really?

[Host 4]

Like, what's one of those noises sound like?

[Caller 1]

I don't want to do it? Like.

[Host 3]

Damn.

[Host 1]

It's almost like somebody's trying to dispose your body right now and you're still alive.

[Host 4]

That's like, a release.

[Host 1]

Oh, did you guys used to practice on the mirror before you, like, had any kissing experience? Did you guys used to kiss yourself in the mirror?

[Host 4]

I think I practiced on my hand more than in the mirror.

[Host 3]

I used to use like a two liter Coke bottle. What?

[Host 1]

A what?

[Host 3]

Yeah, like a two liter Coke bottle. Like I. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, when I was a kid, sideways. You would just turn it because it was cold and it was moist and I would.

[Host 2]

And you like kissing cold moist things?

[Host 3]

Yeah, the mirror kind of freaked me out because that was. Yeah, that was like kissing yourself. That was kind of gross.

[Host 1]

Well, kissing yourself in mirror isn't any less gross than that. There's something really strange about that. Yeah. Marcus. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller 2]

What's going on? What's going on?

[Host 1]

You tell us, dude, what's up?

[Caller 2]

Every morning on the way to work, I got to be working like 2 o' clock in the morning. Something like me and another car on the road. I sit at a red light and I always quote that line from Fast and the Furious. The railroad tracks up there is exactly a quarter mile on green.

[Host 1]

I'm a go. Do you have to have a car sitting next to you or is it just you by yourself?

[Caller 2]

It's usually a car next to me. Sometimes the police.

[Host 1]

I think it's a guy thing. It's our competitive spirit that if you're the front in line, all of a sudden there is a race on. Man.

[Host 2]

I just thought of something I do in a car. If there's a cop behind me at any point, I will imagine that I am outrunning him. Even if he's not like following me. So like I see the cop pulling.

[Host 4]

Behind me or turn right, turn left.

[Host 2]

Yeah. And I'll think, oh, I gotta.

[Host 1]

I gotta get.

[Host 2]

I gotta get away from him. Cause I gotta get out to those woods and get rid of this body in my trunk.

[Host 1]

Good morning Mo. You're on Q100. Hi. Hi.

[Caller 1]

My sister and I come September every year. We still wait for our Hogwarts letter. Even though we are way past our expiration date.

[Host 2]

I don't know what that means.

[Host 1]

From Harry Potter for Harry Potter.

[Host 2]

Yeah, but what.

[Host 1]

That's the school that like you get.

[Host 3]

The letter if you, you know, you find out that you have some wizard, you know, blood in you and you get to invited to the school. Your life changes because now you have powers.

[Host 1]

So she's sitting by the mailbox waiting.

[Host 3]

Waiting for the owl to flop down and give her her letter.

[Caller 1]

Oh, we absolutely do. Every year.

[Host 3]

That's beautiful.

[Host 1]

That is beautiful. Good morning, Q100.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, am I on the voices? Kaiser.

[Host 1]

Oh, this must be good.

[Host 4]

Come on.

[Host 1]

What do you have?

[Caller 3]

All right. So my wife and I have watched some really stupid, really really stupid criminals on tv, and we've planned out precisely how to rob a bank.

[Host 2]

The fact that you're on the voice disguiser freaks me out.

[Caller 3]

There's some people out there who, you know, I mean, they've really, really botched up some really easy jobs, and it's like, okay, if you really want to rob a bank, this is the way to do it. So, yeah, plan that out to the.

[Host 1]

T. So you have it all planned out. You never plan on using your plan.

[Host 2]

But I got to be honest with you. Number one, the economy, and number two, him being on the voice disguiser makes me nervous. Like, the fact that he is on the voice disguiser makes me think that, well, we may need it.

[Host 1]

When he finally gets caught, he's going to say, I don't know what the big deal is. I called Q100 just a couple of weeks ago and told him what I was going to do.

[Host 3]

Now, is it going to be every time there's a bank robbery in Atlanta, we're going to think, I wonder if it was that guy.

[Host 1]

Sharon, real quick. You're on Q100. Are you normal?

[Caller 1]

Whenever I'm in my car and I'm singing, I pretend like I'm auditioning for American idol and the judges want me to sing the whole song because I'm that good.

[Host 1]

We got that one a lot the last time we did this. Everybody's auditioning for American idol and I'm specifically avoiding the call of the guys calling in asking about the tuck, if they're normal because they do the tuck. 90% of guys have done the tuck. If you're a guy, you know what I'm talking about.

[Host 3]

So you are normal.

[Host 1]

Yeah, you're normal. Hey, the birch show.