Vault: Is Ron Jeremy Melissa's birthday present?

Summary

The Bert Show – “Vault: Is Ron Jeremy Melissa's Birthday Present?”

Date: June 30, 2026

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show blends their signature banter with a tongue-in-cheek birthday celebration for co-host Melissa. The central theme revolves around whether adult film star Ron Jeremy—who happens to be in town—is an appropriate (or hilarious) birthday “present” for Melissa. The gang debates Ron’s potential as an interview guest, discusses their boundaries for such conversations, and launches into playful, affectionate teasing for Melissa’s milestone birthday. Listeners also call in with birthday wishes, while the show’s signature playful and irreverent tone keeps things lively.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Should Ron Jeremy Be a Bert Show Guest?

• Host’s Debate

  • The team discusses the possibility of having Ron Jeremy on the show for an after-8:30 AM interview (when the audience is presumed to be mostly adults).
  • Host: “I believe that this show can handle it in a mature way where it would be educational yet interesting also…” (01:00)
  • They want to keep the conversation respectful and non-creepy, focusing on intelligent questions about the industry.

• Co-host Hesitations

  • Some co-hosts express nervousness about audience reception and personal discomfort.
  • Co-host: “As long as the interview is for our audience and not for you too.” (01:53)
  • Admission that Ron Jeremy has a legendary status (“the Hall of Famer of adult films”), but not everyone has seen his work.

• Melissa’s Reaction

  • Melissa is amused, rolling with the show’s irreverent approach: “Yes, I agree completely.” (01:14)

2. Ron Jeremy as a Birthday Present

• Playful Banter
  • Jokes fly about Ron Jeremy being Melissa’s birthday present, prompting laughter and light teasing.
  • Co-host: “Happy birthday, Melissa.” (03:06)
  • Bert Show Host: “Rob, you are one lucky…” [cut off by laughter] (03:08)
  • Melissa takes it all in stride, laughing along.

3. Listener Call-ins: Birthday Wishes for Melissa

• On-Air Well Wishes
  • Listeners Scott and Katrina call in to celebrate Melissa’s birthday.
  • Scott: “I was just calling to say happy birthday, Melissa.” (03:24)
  • Katrina: “I'm mortified that I'm following the Ron Jeremy conversation. I just wanted to tell Melissa happy birthday.” (03:41)
  • Katrina expresses that, while she was initially skeptical of Melissa (“originally I was like, oh God, not her”), she now has a “straight girl crush” on Melissa—prompting laughs and gratitude from the hosts.

4. Running Gag: Melissa’s “130th” Birthday

• Fake News Report

  • The show plays a spoof AP news report claiming Melissa is the world’s oldest person at 130 years old.
    • News Reporter: “The woman is named Melissa Carter. The station says she was born back in 1880. That will make her 130 years old.” (04:19)
  • Melissa and the team riff on the joke, referencing longevity secrets and making light of the “milestone.”

• Co-host Hilarity

  • “I'm honored, first of all, to be able to still have the voice of youth that I had being 130 years old.” (04:57)
  • The bit continues with jokes about Melissa’s mother and questions about her “secret” to longevity.
    • Co-host: “So you're asking me why the longevity is Bailey's in my coffee every morning and no men in my bed?” (06:17)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Ron Jeremy as a Guest:

  • “To adult films, this is like the hall of famer right here.” — Bert Show Host (02:31)
  • “If it gets creepy, we just end the interview.” — Bert Show Host (02:45)

• Birthday Banter:

  • “Happy birthday, Melissa.” — Several co-hosts and callers (03:06, 03:24, 03:29, 03:41)
  • “Look, this is such a big deal, Melissa turning 40 today… the AP news actually covered it.” — Bert Show Host (04:09)
  • “I'm honored to be able to still have the voice of youth that I had being 130 years old.” — Co-host (04:57)
  • “So you're asking me why the longevity is Bailey's in my coffee every morning and no men in my bed?” — Co-host (06:17)

• Listener Love:

  • “Originally I was like, oh God, not her. But now, all this time later, I totally have a straight girl crush on you.” — Katrina, caller (03:50)
  • “That's a birthday present in itself.” — Bert Show Host (04:07)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:00-02:49 — Discussion: Should the show interview Ron Jeremy?
• 03:03-03:14 — Teasing: Ron Jeremy as Melissa's birthday present
• 03:21-03:50 — Listeners call in with birthday wishes and funny compliments for Melissa
• 04:09-06:36 — "Melissa is 130" running gag, spoof news report, and team jokes about longevity

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is playful, irreverent, and affectionate—hallmarks of The Bert Show’s style. While the Ron Jeremy bit may be tongue-in-cheek, Melissa’s milestone birthday becomes the centerpiece: celebrated through gags, listener calls, and inside jokes that make it clear the cast and their fans have a genuine affection for each other.

Fans of the show will enjoy the classic mix of edgy humor and heartfelt moments. Those tuning in for the first time will get a sense of the Bert Show’s loyal community and freewheeling, real talk approach.

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Transcript

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[Bird Show Host]

Bird Show I believe that this show can handle it in a mature way where it would be. Let me finish, let me finish. Where it would be educational yet interesting also because you have to say the dude is intrigued.

[Melissa]

Yes, I agree completely.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

If Wendy agrees. My thing is if the women of our audience really care, then that's what we're here for. I don't care. But if Wendy's intrigued by him, then

[Bird Show Host]

because here we were in our post show meeting the other day and we're coming up with all these new ideas like ask a question, Gynecologist will be a segment.

[Co-host]

Well we kind of doing that in about a half hour.

[Bird Show Host]

Ask a nutritionist. Ron Jeremy is in town. This guy back in the day was like he was in a lot of adult films. I don't want to get too much into it because we still got kids listening.

[Melissa]

Right.

[Bird Show Host]

But after 8:30, I think that give the guy a couple of minutes and ask a couple of questions about the industry in an intelligent way and not a creepy way. I think would be intriguing.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

As long as it, as long as the interview is for our audience and not for you too.

[Lowe's Advertiser]

It's not for me.

[Co-host]

I was like little weird. I'm a little creeped out by it. But I have to tell you, he was, he, he was in the hall and he was talking to Tim from the regular guys and, and I was like the three of us were having a conversation and I, I could see Bert and Ron at the same time.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

And so I said to Bert, hey, you want to say hi to Ron Jeremy and you. Actually, it would have been the same as if I had said to you, I think, like, hey, you want to say hi to Chipper Jones? Like, you know how you get excited about sports, guys?

[Bird Show Host]

I think in name alone. I, I honestly, I know you guys are gonna think I'm BSing. I've never seen him in any movie at all.

[GEICO Advertiser]

Me neither.

[Bird Show Host]

But I. To adult films. This is like the hall of famer right here. So I'm just trying to think, like, is there any entertainment value after 8:30 to talking to a guy? Like, I'm sort of interested to know that there's questions that I can't even get into now because it's just too early. But he'll be on after 8:30. If it gets creepy, we just end the interview.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

But he's also been in reality shows. I mean, he's done things on television and been part. You know, that would be interesting too. So, you know, I, I'm, of course, be respectful to him. I mean, he's. He's made the most of his assets.

[Bird Show Host]

So he's a little dude, you know, he's my size. He's like five.

[Melissa]

Five.

[GEICO Advertiser]

He's shorter.

[Bird Show Host]

Had no idea.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

So that makes everything look bigger.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

That is true.

[Co-host]

Happy birthday, Melissa.

[Bird Show Host]

Rob, you are one lucky.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

Happy birthday, girl.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

Happy Liz.

[Bird Show Host]

We got you prepared.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

Thank you, guys.

[Radio Announcer]

It's.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

It's what I come to expect from you.

[Co-host]

Can you even give me a lesbian porn star?

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

That's fantastic.

[Bird Show Host]

Hey, Scott, good Morning. You're on Q100. How are you?

[Melissa]

Good.

[Bird Show Host]

How are you guys doing? Great, thank you. I was just calling to say happy birthday, Melissa.

[Melissa]

My birthday too.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

Oh, happy birthday.

[Melissa]

Thanks. That's pretty much it.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

That's enough. Thank you.

[Bird Show Host]

Hey, Katrina. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Melissa]

Good morning.

[Bird Show Host]

Hey, how are you?

[Melissa]

I'm mortified that I'm following the Ron Jeremy conversation. I just wanted to tell Melissa happy birthday.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

Thank you.

[Melissa]

And I have been listening to you since the not Lisa days. And I have to tell you, originally I was like, oh, God, not her. But now, all this time later, I totally have straight girl crush on you.

[Bird Show Host]

That's awesome.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

Well, thank you very much.

[Bird Show Host]

That's a birthday present in itself.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

Yes, that is. Thank you so much.

[Bird Show Host]

Look, this is such a big deal, Melissa turning 40 today. I mean, Melissa's birthday today.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

Yeah.

[Bird Show Host]

That the AP news actually covered it. Have you heard this?

[Lady Luck]

Really?

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

No.

[News Reporter]

A Georgian television station has shown what it says to be the world's oldest person. The woman is named Melissa Carter. The station says she was born back in 1880. That will make her 130 years old. The foundation says it established her birth date from documents at the country's civil registration agency. Now, if authentic, the woman would be the world's oldest living person by nearly two decades. Georgia's civil registry agency is now trying to get the woman's documents verified, possibly putting her in the Guinness Book of World Record. Brian thomas, the Associated Press hey, congratulations, man.

[Melissa]

Awesome. Great job.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

I'm honored, first of all, to be able to still have the voice of youth that I had being 130 years old. That's a really big deal for the

[Bird Show Host]

Associated Press to cover your birthday. Just one more time, just in case

[News Reporter]

you missed that, a Georgian television station has shown what it says to be the world's oldest person. The woman is named Melissa Carter, and the station says she was born back in 1880. That will make her 130 years old. The station says it established her birth date from documents of the country's civil registration agency. Now, if authentic, the woman would be the world's oldest living person by nearly two decades. Georgia Civil Registry Agency is now trying to get the woman's documents verified, possibly putting her in the Guinness Book of World Record. Brian thomas, the Associated Press you know

[Co-host]

what I feel bad for?

[Bird Show Host]

It's a great piece.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

I'm honored. Thank you, ap, for covering my birthday.

[Co-host]

Your mom ever listen online? No, because if she tuned into that, she'd be like, oh my God, that makes me 206. Dear Lord, that's great.

[Lady Luck]

Congratulations.

[Co-host]

You know what, whenever they interview the old people, they always ask what the secret is to your longevity. And it's usually like, you know, bottle of whiskey and a cigar every morning. Now, I've never eaten an apple in my life. Raw steak, rare.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

So you're asking me why the longevity is Bailey's in my coffee every morning and no men in my bed?

[Bird Show Host]

Oh, it's a laugh. They can't hear that. Congratulations.

[Co-host (possibly Wendy)]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Radio Announcer]

This is the Bird Show.

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