Vault: Is she secretly playing Farmville?

Summary

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The Bert Show — "Vault: Is she secretly playing Farmville?"

Date: June 9, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the entire Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

This episode takes a hilarious, investigative turn as The Bert Show crew explores the alleged secret Farmville gaming habits of their co-host, Melissa Carter. What starts as light teasing about the Farmville craze morphs into a comedic “Farmville Gate” as the team tries to uncover the truth—did Melissa play, and was she hiding it all along?

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Farmville Phenomenon

• Opening Discussion (02:00-02:26):
  • The hosts remark on Farmville's surprising popularity and wonder how anyone, especially those with busy lives, finds time for such a game.
    • "It seems like the most ridiculous waste of time ever. And if you have any kind of life or kids or anything like that, I don't know how you have the time to pull the weed and harvest the crops and all that stuff." (C, 02:02)
  • Despite this, they admit none of them have actually played Farmville, recognizing their lack of firsthand knowledge.

2. Melissa Carter: Farmville Player?

• Origin of the Rumor (02:54-03:29):
  • A listener tip prompts the team to recall a recent conversation where Melissa claimed no knowledge of Farmville.
    • "Do you know anything about it?"
      "No, I don't know anything about it." (C & E, 03:24-03:25)
• Investigating the Timeline (03:39-04:18):
  • Audio confirms Melissa denied Farmville knowledge on Jan 5th, but records show she became a 'kinder farmer' later that evening.
    • "I have Melissa Carter playing Farmville on January 5th at 6:09pm..." (F, 04:09)
    • "Melissa's in the Farmville closet." (C, 04:37)
• Facebook Evidence & Technicalities (05:29-06:06):
  • The hosts discover Melissa has been receiving Farmville gifts since December, sparking debate whether accepting gifts equates to playing.
    • "But I have this all through her Facebook. People giving her Farmville cash gifts dating back to December 21st." (F, 05:29)

3. Piecing Together the Truth

• Was Melissa Secretly Playing? (06:14-06:45):
  • She updated her Facebook status admitting to starting a farm post-discussion, and tried the game briefly before abandoning her crops.
    • "She updated her Facebook status after we talked about it in the air, saying she had just started a farm and was gonna try it." (G, 06:38)
    • "Her farm died three days later." (G, 06:45)
• Resolution (07:03-07:11):
  • The hosts jokingly call the whole incident “Farmville Gate” but agree it’s a harmless, funny moment and welcome Melissa back.
    • "I thought we had a controversy on our hands, but it looks like we're past it." (C, 07:06)

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Memorable Quotes

• On Farmville’s charms:
  "There’s gotta be something addictive about it." (D, 03:21)
• On Melissa's "Farmville closet":
  "So she's got no problem coming on the radio and telling all of Atlanta she's gay, but telling them that she's playing Farmville. She'll have nothing to do with that." (C, 03:53)
• On the fleeting Farmville career:
  "And her farm died three days later!" (G, 06:45)

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Notable Timestamps

• 02:00 — Hosts reveal their skepticism and lack of experience with Farmville.
• 03:10 — Replay of Melissa’s denial: "No, I don't know anything about it."
• 04:09 — Revelation: Data shows Melissa played Farmville the same day as her denial.
• 05:29 — Discovery of Farmville gift history linked to Melissa’s Facebook.
• 06:38 — Confirmation Melissa tried to farm but quickly abandoned it.
• 07:03 — "Farmville Gate" is declared over in a lighthearted wrap-up.

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is lighthearted, sarcastic, and full of the Bert Show’s trademark banter. The team pokes fun at each other while genuinely trying to solve a “mystery” rooted in radio show friendship and inside jokes. Ultimately, it’s a playful slice-of-life segment about fads, gentle ribbing, and the authenticity of the cast.

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For listeners and non-listeners alike, this episode exemplifies The Bert Show’s fun-loving, real-life camaraderie and their willingness to poke fun at themselves—and each other—for the entertainment of their audience.

Transcript

[A]

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[C]

listen, it's the virt show. We spent a goodly amount of time talking about Farmville over the last couple of weeks, which to me, I mean it seems like the Most ridiculous waste of time ever. And if you have any kind of life or kids or anything like that, I don't know how you have the time to pull the weed and harvest the crops and all that stuff. Right.

[D]

But people are into plants or whatever it is hours on this website.

[C]

So for weeks we've been talking about it here. And we made the suggestion. I made the suggestion this morning. Look, all of us are coming from a place of ignorance. None of us have played this Farmville, and here we are ripping on it, but we have no real life experience with it. So we volunteered Melissa Carter, who's sick. She's at home. Anyway, she's not doing anything.

[D]

She's laying on the couch recovering. She hasn't been feeling well, but we figured she can make a couple double clicks and feed some crops.

[C]

Yeah. So.

[D]

Or whatever. Animals. I don't know what you do.

[C]

So somebody called. A Birch show listener called us up and said, it's too you guys. Melissa's on Farmville. And we said, we don't think so. I mean, we've talked about it with Melissa in here. She's never said anything about it. And then we thought maybe she was out the day we were talking about farmville. Oh no.

[D]

Oh, really?

[C]

Oh no. She's here. Josh found this. This is when Melissa's voice just started to go. So it doesn't sound like Melissa Carter, but this is Melissa confirming she knows nothing about farmville.

[D]

Nuh. There's gotta be something addictive about it.

[C]

Do you know anything about it?

[E]

No, I don't know anything about it.

[D]

That's not my grandma. That's Melissa.

[C]

Melissa's Melissa Carter saying she knows nothing about Farmville.

[D]

This is last week.

[C]

1 5, January 5th is when that audio came and she said that they

[D]

have played in the last couple of weeks. So it could have been just after that conversation. Maybe she went on to explore it. Or maybe she's been a Farmville addict and she didn't want to admit it.

[C]

So she's got no problem coming on the radio and telling all of Atlanta she's gay, but telling them that she's playing farmville. She'll have nothing to do with that.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no. She can't do that.

[E]

I just looked on there and I didn't see her in the farmville friends, which is why I'm confused.

[C]

What you got, Brandon? Come on over here. Oh, Brandon.

[F]

I have Melissa Carter playing Farmville on January 5th at 6:09pm oh, Carter, Carter, wait a second.

[D]

The audio is from that morning it

[C]

was from the fifth. So does that mean she signed up that afternoon?

[D]

Maybe it would have been that afternoon.

[F]

No, because what it says is that Melissa is moving up on farmville. So Melissa attained the level of kinder farmer. So she. She signed up recently.

[C]

Melissa's in the farmville closet.

[E]

She's in the farmville closet.

[C]

Come put your headphones on, dude. We got audio of her saying she knows nothing about it, but she's playing farmville, man.

[G]

Now, wait a minute. What's the timing, though? How long ago did she say she knows nothing about it?

[C]

Well, this audio is from January 5th. It doesn't sound like Melissa, but it is.

[D]

There's gotta be something addictive about it.

[C]

Do you know anything about it?

[E]

No, I don't know anything about it.

[D]

That's not my grandma. That's Melissa.

[C]

Melissa's lost her voice. Okay, so that's January 5th. In the morning. In the morning.

[D]

And then Brandon has her moving up on Farmville. He found it online at 6:09pm that same day. Moving up.

[C]

Unless she said, can you move up in the same day that you sign on. So if she signed on like let's say at 11 o', clock, could she have moved up a level and clicked her mouse or pulled her weed or whatever and like later that night?

[G]

I don't think she was clicking her mouse during this. She sounded sick potentially.

[F]

But I have this all through her Facebook. People giving her Farmville cash gifts dating back to December 21st.

[C]

Now, does that mean that you're part of Farmville if you're getting gifts?

[F]

Well, you have to accept the gifts, so. I don't know. I don't play farmville.

[G]

I don't, you know, any idiot talking about it?

[E]

No, because you can get gifts. Like, you know how some people invite you to things? It's one of those things where it's an app so people will send you a gift. So that's like an invitation. So technically she could have not been on it, but the December 5th could have been the day she signed up. That's a possibility. Because like the very minute, like you start signing up every time you get like a ribbon, they'll award you so

[D]

you can move up on the first day you sign up.

[E]

Yeah, probably. If she was playing enough now, if

[C]

she was playing a lot that day.

[G]

She cut out early that day though, right? Because, I mean, her voice. Because I was. I wasn't here. But you guys said that she did. Kicked her out of here. She was so sick.

[C]

And was that the last day she was in because she came in one more day, right? Or no, no, no. After she was out of here.

[D]

That was the last day she's been in.

[G]

She's free and clear.

[C]

Why?

[D]

She was halfway Tuesday.

[G]

She updated her Facebook status after we talked about it in the air, saying she had just started a farm and was gonna try it.

[C]

Okay.

[G]

And then somebody who became her farm neighbor, farm farmer in the dell, whatever followed her, and her farm died three days later.

[C]

Aw, Melissa.

[G]

So she got in for 20.

[C]

Water the crops. Okay.

[G]

She got in for 24 hours. Melissa.

[D]

That is so funny that you called it Farmville Gate.

[C]

I thought we had a controversy on our hands, but it looks like we're past it.

[D]

Yeah, we're good.

[C]

You're welcome back, Melissa.

[F]

This is the bird show.