Vault: Is Stealing Someone's Beer a Crime? This Woman Thinks So

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: Is Stealing Someone's Beer a Crime? This Woman Thinks So"

Date: March 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around a series of bizarre and often hilarious 911 calls made by a woman in Tampa, Florida, who claims her beer was stolen by her roommate. The Bert Show hosts share and react to the actual calls, exploring how everyday disputes can escalate into "emergencies"—at least in some people's minds. The hosts bring their signature humor, adding commentary on both the situation and the woman's shifting moods throughout her conversations with the dispatcher.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Frivolous 911 Calls (01:00–01:36)

• The hosts revisit previous examples of unusual 911 calls, including one about fast food restaurants running out of menu items.
• There’s a lighthearted tone from the start:

  "She was upset because they were out of fries... They were out of something... They're out of nuggets."
  — Co-hosts (01:09–01:19)

2. The First 911 Call: Beer Emergency (01:36–03:22)

• Situation:
  A woman, apparently intoxicated, calls 911, reporting "domestic violence" but quickly clarifies it’s a heated argument with her roommate over a beer that "he bought for me."
• Key Moments:
  • The confusion between the woman and the dispatcher adds comic value.
  • The woman tries to provide her phone number but is unclear, with her roommate chiming in the background:

    "Because you can hear him going, that's a lie."
    — Podcast Host (03:34)

• Host Commentary:
  • The hosts speculate on whether the man should have been the one to call 911, and note the surreal nature of the call’s content.

3. The Second 911 Call: Complete Denial (03:44–05:07)

• Situation:
  She calls back after police visit her apartment, now claiming she didn’t summon them and isn’t sure why they came.
• Notable Quotes:
  • 911 Dispatcher:

    "Well, you just called 10 minutes ago about your roommate taking your beer." (04:53)

  • 911 Caller’s response:

    "Honestly, I don't remember that." (05:00)

• Hosts' Reactions:
  • Co-hosts and the host note the transparency in her confusion but highlight the growing emotional instability.

4. Emotional Rollercoaster: From Sadness to Anger (05:09–06:30)

• Situation:
  The caller becomes emotional, expressing that her feelings are hurt and accusing the dispatcher of thinking she’s "greater drunk."
• Memorable Moment:
  The hosts identify her rapid mood swings, describing her as "drunk and bipolar" (05:58).

• Host Insight:

  "Now she starts breaking down."
  — Podcast Host (05:09)

5. The Third Call: Demanding Arrest (06:10–06:30)

• Situation:
  The woman calls again, this time demanding:

  "Please. I want. What is the address? Y'all come arrest me. Hello, y'all address right now. Come arrest me." (06:17)

  • The dispatcher, now clearly bemused, says "I'll let him know. Thank you."
• Host Reaction:
  The hosts can’t believe the escalation and joke about the embarrassment of this "drunk dial."

6. Host Commentary and Reflection (06:30–06:41)

• The hosts sum up the absurdity and warn against such calls:

  "That's the worst drunk dial you could ever make. You never do that."
  — Podcast Host & Co-host (06:36–06:39)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "He just took my beer out of my head."
  — 911 Caller (02:52)
• "That's a lie."
  — Male roommate in background, noted by Host (03:34)
• "Honestly, I don’t remember that."
  — 911 Caller (05:00)
• "Oh, she’s like drunk and bipolar."
  — Co-host 1 (05:58)
• "Please. I want... y'all come arrest me."
  — 911 Caller (06:17)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:00–01:36: Hosts introduce the concept of frivolous 911 calls.
• 01:36–03:22: The woman’s first call about her stolen beer.
• 03:44–05:07: The second call in which the woman denies calling the police.
• 05:09–06:10: Emotional breakdown and confrontation with the dispatcher.
• 06:12–06:30: The woman’s third call, now insistently asking to be arrested.
• 06:36–06:41: Hosts reflect on the saga’s lesson.

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Tone & Language

The episode is framed by the hosts' authentic, laugh-out-loud commentary and the absurd nature of the calls. Their empathy is mixed with incredulity, as they balance not making light of emergency services with highlighting the humor in this peculiar situation.

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Overall Takeaway

The Bert Show uses this episode to showcase how everyday mishaps can be blown out of proportion—sometimes literally to 911. The hosts bring empathy and plenty of laughs, reminding listeners to think before they dial, especially after a few drinks.

Transcript

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[Podcast Host]

Get it? The bird Show. All right, let's get to these 911 calls. I love this. Didn't you guys play a series of these when I was gone a couple of weeks ago of you know, like

[Co-host 1]

frivolous 911 calls the burger King drive thru.

[Co-host 2]

Right.

[Co-host 1]

She was upset because they were out of fries.

[Co-host 2]

Right?

[Co-host 1]

They were out of something.

[Fred's Appliance Announcer]

They're out of nuggets.

[Co-host 1]

That's what it was. They were out of nuggets.

[911 Dispatcher]

You know what?

[Co-host 1]

She was furious. And she called 911, I think.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, it depends what time of night it is, but I can understand that. About 2:33 in the morning.

[Co-host 2]

I called 911 too.

[Podcast Host]

Sure.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, we're trying to call 911 when something's wrong, but really it's an emergency. But yeah, this is another one.

[Podcast Host]

Well, here's a call from a woman in Tampa that's had a bit to drink and she's calling 911 and she immediately gets their attention because it's a domestic violence dispute call. So obviously 911 is taking this very seriously. Some of the audio here, little tough to understand cuz she's had a pop or two and it's 911 and those calls are never clear anyway.

[911 Dispatcher]

But here she is, Tampa police number one.

[911 Caller]

What is the advocacy the emergency is there's a problem with.

[911 Dispatcher]

Okay, what's the problem right now?

[911 Caller]

Domestic violence.

[911 Dispatcher]

Between who?

[911 Caller]

Me and the person I live with.

[911 Dispatcher]

Who do you live with? Oh, my God.

[911 Caller]

Mr. Robert Lehill Jr. Who is CPU? He's not actually. Roommate.

[911 Dispatcher]

What's going on?

[911 Caller]

Okay, there's an argument that's going totally out of control. I don't want to go to jail. He doesn't want to go to jail. I understand.

[911 Dispatcher]

Okay, so you guys are just arguing right now?

[911 Caller]

Pardon me?

[911 Dispatcher]

You're just arguing?

[911 Caller]

It's. It's right now. Just arguing? Yeah.

[911 Dispatcher]

What are you arguing about?

[911 Caller]

Yeah, I'm totally investing in Taylor.

[911 Dispatcher]

What is your phone?

[911 Caller]

He just took my beer out of my head.

[911 Dispatcher]

That's a lot. What is your phone number, ma'?

[911 Caller]

Am? This is my phone number. Where my. My cell phone number and your cell phone.

[911 Dispatcher]

I'll get somebody out there, please, because

[911 Caller]

he got my beer. He. He bought for me.

[911 Dispatcher]

Okay, I'll get somebody out there.

[911 Caller]

That's a lot. And I'm trying to get my beer back. He. Trying to.

[911 Dispatcher]

All right.

[911 Caller]

Thank you. Thank you.

[911 Dispatcher]

Thank you.

[911 Caller]

Please, Harry.

[Co-host 2]

He bought it for her, and then

[Co-host 1]

he was trying to take it back.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, and I think he should call 91 1, and I think he's the one in the background.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, he's standing right there.

[Podcast Host]

He's giving her her cell phone number.

[Co-host 2]

Hey, this is your number to tell him, okay?

[Podcast Host]

Because you can hear him going, that's a lie.

[Co-host 2]

That's a lie.

[Podcast Host]

I said.

[Co-host 2]

She's like, what's my number? Oh, okay. Thanks anyway. Please send somebody.

[911 Caller]

Hurry.

[Podcast Host]

All right, that's just part one in part two here. So you heard her say, please, we're gonna send some. And the caller says, okay, cool. So then she calls back a couple of minutes later after the two cops show up.

[911 Dispatcher]

Camera, please. 911.

[911 Caller]

There were two cops just came to my apartment. For no reason. For no reason? Yeah, for no reason. Nobody called him out here.

[911 Dispatcher]

Somebody did.

[911 Caller]

I didn't.

[911 Dispatcher]

Yeah, you did.

[911 Caller]

Who am I talking to?

[911 Dispatcher]

I'm operator 37.

[911 Caller]

Huh?

[911 Dispatcher]

Operator 37.

[911 Caller]

Operator 37. That's not a number. It's a number. But anyway, will you please S one out to. Honestly, Honestly. Honestly, I'm not trying to be funny. I'm not trying to be. You know, I'm not.

[911 Dispatcher]

Why do you want the police now?

[911 Caller]

I don't call y' all for no reason, okay? I don't do that. And then when they come out, it's like, oh, it's all on me.

[911 Dispatcher]

Well, you just called 10 minutes ago about your roommate taking your beer.

[911 Caller]

Honestly, I don't remember that.

[Co-host 1]

At least she admits it.

[Co-host 2]

Honestly, I don't know.

[911 Caller]

We do.

[Podcast Host]

Now she starts breaking down.

[Co-host 2]

Is she crying?

[911 Dispatcher]

I can't understand you.

[911 Caller]

Oh, no.

[Co-host 2]

Oh, no.

[911 Dispatcher]

Does what?

[911 Caller]

It hurt my feeling.

[911 Dispatcher]

What hurts your feelings?

[911 Caller]

When you got he be like, oh, she is calling for you doing it again.

[911 Dispatcher]

I can't hear you

[911 Caller]

when I say to you I'm calling for a certain reason. You coming on the devil like, oh, she is greater drunk. I'm not.

[911 Dispatcher]

I didn't say that, ma'.

[911 Caller]

Am. Well, don't let me out. Don't let me out. Don't let me out. I said, if you want to let me up, come let me up. That's what I said. Did you hear that?

[911 Dispatcher]

Yeah, I heard it.

[911 Caller]

That.

[Podcast Host]

Then she starts chewing out the 911 dispatcher.

[Co-host 1]

Oh, she's like drunk and bipolar.

[Podcast Host]

So now we've gone from concerned. Now she was sad. And then we got to get into the third call, which is very short, which is angry.

[911 Caller]

Oh, she called again.

[Podcast Host]

She calls again.

[911 Dispatcher]

Oh,

[911 Caller]

Please. I want. What is the address? Y' all come arrest me. Hello, y' all address right now. Come arrest me. All right, I'll let him know. Thank you.

[Podcast Host]

And there you have it. And she has no recollection of any of it whatsoever.

[Co-host 2]

That's the worst trunk dial you could ever make.

[Podcast Host]

You never do that. Get it? The Bird Show.

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