Vault: Is there such a thing as being too nice?

Summary

The Bert Show — Episode Summary
Episode: Vault: Is there such a thing as being too nice?
Date: June 5, 2026

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Overview

In this lively and candid episode, The Bert Show crew, joined by callers, dives into the question: “Is there such a thing as being too nice in relationships?” Using humor, personal experiences, and real-time audience participation, the team debates whether “being too nice” can backfire in dating. The conversation unpacks the nuances between genuine kindness, attraction, the need for a “challenge,” and the risk of coming across as desperate or lacking confidence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining "Too Nice" in Dating

• Wendy kicks off with her story about stopping communication with a guy because he was “overly nice”—always eager to do things for her, going out of his way, and buying things without her having to ask (01:02).
• The hosts agree that one thoughtful gesture is sweet, but constant over-giving can feel “overkill,” or as Jen puts it, “It’s when it’s like over and over and over again. It’s overkill.” (01:55).

2. The Role of Attraction

• Bert notes how the perception of niceness changes depending on physical attraction:
  • “Doesn't it boil down to, like, attraction? Like if you thought this dude was really hot, that could be interpreted as…really sweet and caring.” (03:21)
• Amy and Jen playfully dramatize the “hot guy vs. not-hot guy” double standard (02:20–03:08).

3. Too Nice vs. No "Game"

• Wendy explains that when someone is always giving, “there’s nothing to really work for…you sort of need to earn something” (03:31).
• Jen clarifies that the lack of challenge can be a turnoff: “he didn’t have any game” (03:43).
• Bert observes, “So dudes are listening and hearing mixed messages,” highlighting confusion over whether “playing games” is desired (03:49).

4. Is Some Game Playing Necessary?

• The consensus emerges that, early on, a little bit of “game” or withholding is normal:
  • Wendy: “You kind of have to in order to establish something.” (05:53)
• The group considers the difference between being nice and being a pushover.
  • Wendy: “You kind of want a man's man…you don't want someone just to be like, your girlfriend. Like, you're one of your best friends.” (05:24)
• There is a call for a “backbone” and not being desperate or overly available.

5. Listener Perspectives

• Anthony (Caller): Shares that he’s often told he’s “too nice” and tries to cater to everyone (04:45, 04:56).
• Nikki (Caller): Argues that too much eagerness feels like someone is trying to “buy” you, not necessarily demonstrating genuine connection (06:02).
• Both men and women agree that over-eagerness can signal desperation and is not attractive, regardless of gender (06:52).
• Second Nikki (Caller): Critiques the “game playing” mindset, suggesting it’s why some people stay single and that being straightforward shouldn’t be penalized:
  • “Some guys are tired of being single. He’s like, you know what? I’m going to put it all out out there, who I am. And it’s either you like it or you don’t.” (07:44)

6. Retrospective Regret and Maturity

• As people date more “jerks,” they sometimes realize the value of a genuinely nice person after the fact:
  • Lauren (Caller): “After you’ve been through enough guys that are total jerks…you think, huh, I wonder if maybe having that guy that did a lot for me really meant something.” (08:42–09:08)
• Wendy: Admits: “I’ve been through a couple of tools. I would like a nice guy.” (09:15)

7. The Final Consensus

• Niceness is not a problem in itself, but a balance between kindness, confidence, and self-respect is vital.
• Over-eagerness or lack of boundaries/readiness can kill attraction.
• Jen: “Whether you're a guy, girl, whatever. It's about a confidence level and not being over eager… If he could balance that out with the awful things, you'd be still into him.” (09:33)
• Wendy: “Absolutely, I agree with that.” (09:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Wendy (on “too nice”):
  “He got tickets for it, which is really sweet and nice, but you didn't have to. I mean, it's just…overly giving stuff to me that I, I don't really deserve.” (01:45)
• Amy & Jen (on double standards):
  “Ugly guy…Oh my God, he's just so annoying. Good looking guy…Oh my God, I don't wanna jinx it, but this guy is so sweet…” (02:30–02:54)
• Bert (on the root issue):
  “Doesn’t it boil down to, like, attraction?” (03:21)
• Jen (summarizing the problem):
  “It’s a too eagerness. …Like you can smell it a mile away.” (06:52)
• Nikki (Caller):
  “...I think sometimes we read more into it. If you’re not into the person, then you’re gonna nitpick at every little thing. Particularly him being too nice.” (08:14)
• Lauren (Caller):
  “…when you get to an age where you’re not in high school, some people just don’t want to play games. Some guys are tired of being single...” (08:53)
• Jen:
  “...it's about a confidence level and not being over eager…” (09:33)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Defining “too nice” in dating: 01:02–02:05
• Hot/cold dynamic and double standards: 02:10–03:10
• Challenge and "having game": 03:31–04:30
• Listener, Anthony, calls in: 04:37–05:24
• The “backbone” argument: 05:15–05:48
• Listener, Nikki, on buying affection: 06:02–06:37
• Eagerness vs. confidence: 06:46–07:31
• Caller Nikki’s critique: 07:44–08:40
• Lauren on regret and maturity: 08:42–09:21
• Final thoughts on balance: 09:24–09:44

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Conclusion

This episode is a playful yet insightful exploration of the dating paradox: everyone wants kindness, but “too much” niceness—especially when it crosses into neediness—can dampen romantic attraction. The discussion highlights the importance of confidence, boundaries, and authentic generosity, all wrapped in The Bert Show’s trademark wit and realness. While answers aren't clear-cut, the episode encourages self-awareness, knowing one’s own boundaries, and seeking mutual respect in relationships.

Transcript

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[Bert]

The Bird Show.

[Wendy]

So I think I sort of stopped talking, slash dating this one guy because he was too nice. And like the door's still kind of open that I could go back, but I don't think I want to just because he is overly nice.

[Bert]

Like, can we define what overly nice is?

[Jen]

Okay, we can define examples too.

[Wendy]

Nice would be if I wanted to go somewhere, if I wanted something. He'd be like, let me get that for you or let me do that for you. Just kind of being a pushover sort of. Does that make sense?

[Bert]

Like he would go out of his way. Like go out of his way. Like if you said you need something at Home Depot, he's like, oh, there's a Home Depot right down the street.

[Wendy]

Right? My sister was in town, wanted to go to a basketball game and I was like, it'd be really fun to take my sister this basketball game. I don't know if I have time. He's like, I'll get tickets for it

[Amy]

and I'll do it. I'll do it.

[Wendy]

And he got tickets for it, which is really sweet and nice, but you didn't have to. I mean, it's just, oh, like just overly giving stuff to me that I, I don't really deserve.

[Jen]

Maybe one of those. Well, you do deserve nice things, but maybe like one of those things is a really nice gesture. But it's when it's like over and over and over again. It's overkill.

[Nikki]

Mm.

[Wendy]

And that's what this guy's sort of like. So I kind of had to stop talking to him, texting him, anything.

[Bert]

Was he. Were. Was he a good looking dude? Are you physically attracted to him?

[Wendy]

Yes. Yeah. Kind of.

[Jen]

Ish.

[Amy]

He wasn't that good looking because he was that good looking then. Oh, my God. He's the sweetest guy ever. My sister wanted to go, here's the. Here are the two.

[Bert]

This is exactly going to be my point.

[Wendy]

Yeah.

[Jen]

Good.

[Amy]

Ugly guy. Oh, my God, he's just so annoying. Yeah, he is. Ugly guy. Oh, my God. My sister wanted to go to a basketball game, so he totally went out and he got her tickets and I was like, dude, he. You don't have to spend money on me. Good looking guy. Oh, my God, you guys, I don't wanna jinx it, but this guy is so sweet. My sister just casually mentioned she wanted to go to a basketball game and he actually chartered a plane.

[Wendy]

He flew us.

[Amy]

The Hawks were actually playing in Boston and so he charted a plane. We flew into Boston. We stated that there's a Four Seasons there. It's so nice. It's right there in Newberry Street. It's beautiful.

[Jen]

With your example, he would be rich and hot and nice.

[Bert]

No, no, he totally extended himself.

[Amy]

Yeah, he. He used up his debit card and then went to the emergency only visa that mom gave him and maxed it out and. Oh my God, I know he went overboard, but he's just so sweet.

[Bert]

So doesn't it boil down to, like, attraction? Like if you thought this dude was really hot, that could be interpreted as really a gesture of, I mean, being really sweet and caring and considerate.

[Wendy]

Well, it's nice and caring and I appreciate everything, but I think when you just give something, there's nothing to really work for. Like, you feel like you sort of need to earn something or. I don't. I don't know how to put it into words.

[Jen]

Like, he didn't have any game.

[Wendy]

Right?

[Jen]

Right. Like, there wasn't really sort of a challenge there.

[Wendy]

You could just have it.

[Bert]

So dudes are listening and they're hearing mixed messages because you can't. Women constantly say, I'm looking for a guy that doesn't play games. Just be real with me. So a guy is real and now you're saying play games when it's so

[Jen]

over the top like that you feel like it could be towards anyone. Like that you're not necessarily, like, special. Like, if they dated anyone at this moment, they would be going, like, overboard because there's this sort of, like, desperation sense or whatever. So doesn't make it feel like it's special because, I don't know, there's just.

[Wendy]

You feel like they could do it for any person, that they're nervous about

[Jen]

it a little bit. Right.

[Wendy]

And just push over. I want to kind of, like, earn something and work for something or have something to, like, go after rather than just have it all there in front of me.

[Jen]

And you want them to be, like, confident and have their own life going on and not, like, you know, obsessed with your life.

[Bert]

Hey, Anthony, Good morning. You're part of the Burt Show.

[Bluff]

Hey, how you doing?

[Bert]

Good. How are you?

[Amy]

How you doing?

[Bluff]

All right.

[Amy]

How's the situation?

[Bert]

What's up?

[Bluff]

Yeah, I get that all the time. Too nice about people telling me that I'm too nice.

[Jen]

What kind of things have you done where you feel like you've made the mistakes?

[Bluff]

Oh, I try to cater to the. Everyone just be polite, you know, if they want to do something, I do it. And I get all the women all the time telling me that I need to be less nice.

[Bert]

Comes to. Didn't. When we talked about this before, when both y' all were dating nice guys, wasn't the word that you kept coming up. Backbone. Like, if a dude doesn't show a

[Wendy]

backbone, well, you kind of want a man's man. Somebody like you want a guy. You don't want someone just to be like, your girlfriend. Like, you're one of your best friends. It's like when you. Yeah, it's like when guys want a girl, but you want to go chase after them, and you don't want the one that's available right away. You want the one that's harder to pursue. It's the same as girls. Girls want to do a little bit of the work and a little bit of the challenge, too. We just don't want it right there all the time.

[Bert]

So you are saying you are endorsing playing games a little bit at the beginning.

[Wendy]

Yeah, you kind of have to in order to establish something save.

[Amy]

That said, it's going to come back.

[Bert]

Hey, Amy, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Nikki]

Hey, I completely agree with what she's saying about you don't want guys that will run and do anything in the world for you because it's like they're just trying to buy you.

[Bert]

So is there any point at the relationship that you want that, like, let's say you get through the game playing phase. Right. Then all of a Sudden, do you want a guy that's going to like be there for you all the time or should he maintain what he showed you initially?

[Nikki]

Well, I mean, he needs to be there for you. But that doesn't mean every time you say I want something to go buy it. Because then it's kind of like, well, is he just trying to buy me or is there something there? I mean, if they just want to work.

[Bert]

What's that?

[Jen]

Ya, I've never dated a guy like that. Like the buying thing like buys you everything. Like if you mention you want something and then they go buy it for you. I've never experienced.

[Wendy]

Well, that's how this kind of was.

[Jen]

Oh really?

[Bluff]

Yeah.

[Wendy]

I'd mention one thing and then it would be there.

[Bert]

I think that's a really considerate guy.

[Jen]

It's a too eagerness. That's the right words for it. It's a too eagerness. Like you want somebody to enjoy spending time with you and be thoughtful and nice when you're with them, but not being like too overly eager about it. There's some, some sort of desperation in that. And you guys would say the same thing about a girl. She was too eager to, you know, to spend time with you or text you back immediately or call you back immediately or like always available at your beck and call or whatever. It's too eager. You want a girl to be like, yeah, I can't do it right now, but maybe later. Or you know, you want them to have their own life going on their own confidence level and that kind of thing. Like you can smell it a mile away.

[Bert]

Have you guys seen the movie all about Steve?

[Wendy]

No.

[Bert]

Sandra Bullock and that Brandon Cooper dude that you love so much.

[Jen]

Bradley Cooper.

[Bert]

Bradley Cooper, yeah. You should go check that out. That's exactly what this is all about.

[Jen]

Really.

[Bert]

Hey Nikki, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Nikki]

Hey guys. Good morning. I wanted to say I love Wendy, love Jen, but I think that you guys are way off in this one because this is probably why you're single. Please don't take it the wrong way, but I've had girlfriends that five years later, two years later, they talk about the one guy, you know, he was really sweet to me, but they took it as weakness. And you know, when you get to an age where you're not in high school, some people just don't want to play games. Some guys are tired of being single. He's like, you know what? I'm going to put it all out out there, who I am. And it's either you like it or you don't. I just think sometimes we read more into it. If you're not into the person, then you're gonna nitpick at every little thing. Particularly him being too nice. Yeah.

[Wendy]

I think in the beginning though there is a little bit of game playing with any relationship you get involved in and that's normal and that's just how it goes. That's how relationships work and that's how they start. But when you just put everything out and show all your cards in the beginning, there's nothing to figure out.

[Bert]

Hey Lauren, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Nikki]

Hi. I just wanted to say that I think that Bert made a very intuitive comment a few minutes ago.

[Bert]

Well, that's why you're on the radio.

[Nikki]

Desire a certain thing at a certain time. And I think the ones you've been through enough guys that are total jerks and who don't do anything for you. You think, huh, I wonder if maybe having that guy that did a lot for me really meant something. Like I saw these other guys.

[Bert]

Yeah, I wonder if you work through a whole bunch of these tool dudes. If you look back at the ticket getting guy and you're like, man, that might have been the one that got away.

[Wendy]

I've been through a couple of tools. I would like a nice guy.

[Amy]

She's got a whole toolbox at home.

[Jen]

Nice guys are awesome. Nice guys are great.

[Wendy]

Gotta have like the, the game. They still have to have a little bit of aggressiveness and a little bit of game playing going on. That's just how life is and that's how, that's what people, people want.

[Jen]

Whether you're a guy, girl, whatever. It's about a confidence level and not being over eagle over eager. If he could balance that out with the awful things, you'd be still into him.

[Wendy]

Absolutely. I agree with that.

[Bert]

You're on the Birch Show.

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[Bert]

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