Vault: Is This Myth About Pools the Biggest Lie of Your Childhood?

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Is This Myth About Pools the Biggest Lie of Your Childhood?

Podcast Date: April 9, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Melissa, Jim, Jen, Troy
Episode Theme:
This episode dives into a hilarious, candid, and slightly gross discussion about the poolside myth that dominated most listeners' childhoods: Is there really a chemical in pools that changes color when someone pees? The cast swaps confessions and childhood memories, debates pool etiquette, and, with a blend of humor and skepticism, investigates whether the infamous “pee dye” is fact or fiction.

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Main Highlights & Discussion Points

1. Adults Peeing in Pools: Confessions and Horror Stories

[02:02–04:11] Melissa’s Pool Party Story:

• Melissa relays a recent incident: at a public pool party, a 30-something friend decided to cool off not in the adult pool, but the kiddie pool.
• After a child approached the kiddie pool, Melissa’s friend confessed she had just peed in it to avoid the short walk to the nearby bathroom.
• The cast reacts with collective horror and comic disbelief, debating whether it’s less offensive to pee in the kiddie or adult pool.

“She confessed to me that she was peeing in the kiddie pool. That's why she went in there instead of going to the bathroom.”
—Melissa [03:26]

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2. Peeing in Pools: Who Does It (and Where)?

[04:12–05:13] Guilty Parties and Social Norms:

• Jen admits, as a former swimmer, her coach wouldn't allow bathroom breaks, asserting, “That's what the chlorine is for.”
• Troy (and to a lesser degree, Bert) confesses it’s not uncommon for adults to pee in large pools—though opinions diverge on pools versus oceans/lakes.

“As adults, we have all peed in large bodies of water.”
—Troy [05:13]

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3. The Myth of the Purple Pee Dye

[06:19–09:04] Childhood Fears and Fact-Checking:

• Bert and Jim reminisce about the long-standing rumor: if you pee in a pool, a dye will reveal your guilt with a visible colored cloud.
• Jen (former lifeguard) debunks this, stating, “We never, ever put anything in the pool that did that.”
• Caller Erin later claims a family friend keeps a bottle by the pool to scare kids—an effective deterrent, true or not.

“I'm always a little bit nervous… that red dye or the purple dye is gonna show up around me.”
—Bert [06:19]
“It's a movie… it's never happened.”
—Bert [06:33]
“It's a brilliant idea.”
—Melissa [09:04]

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4. Urban Legends and Pool Etiquette Debates

[09:22–11:07] Social & Scientific Realities:

• The group delves deeper: Troy checks Snopes, confirming the “pee dye” doesn’t actually exist, as compounds in sweat and other fluids would also trigger the dye.
• The cast debates whether the knowledge it isn’t real makes peeing in pools more acceptable, with strong opposition from Melissa and Jim.

“Pee dye does not exist.”
—Troy [11:46]
“So pee away, people. You can't get caught. Pee away.”
—Bert [12:22]
“Even if it's sterilizing, I still don't want to swim through a sea of your urine.”
—Bert [11:02]

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• Reluctant Admissions:
  “I hope you feel bad when the little kids, they're waiting in the kiddie pool.”
  – Melissa [04:42]
  “If it's any smaller than Olympic size, I will not number two in it.”
  – Troy [07:59]

• Childhood Lessons:
  “You never sit in one of those little inflatable pools with your kids. Never, never, never.”
  – Bert [09:06]

• Comic Relief:
  “Pee is the last thing you need to be concerned about in a pool in Vegas.”
  – Bert [11:38]
  “You could end up pregnant.”
  – Troy [11:42]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:02] Melissa’s story: adult peeing in the kiddie pool
• [04:45] Swimming coaches and peeing etiquette for swimmers
• [05:31] Hosts confess (or deny) peeing in pools versus oceans/lakes
• [06:19] Purple pee dye myth and childhood fears
• [08:12] Listener call about supposed pool dye deterrents
• [09:22] Snopes check — final (science-based) verdict
• [11:02] Debate: Is pool urine really a concern if it's sterile?

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Final Verdicts & Takeaways

• The purple/colored pool pee dye?
  Doesn’t exist and is mostly an urban legend used by parents to scare kids away from peeing in pools.
• Do adults actually pee in pools?
  Some do—often justifying it in large bodies of water—but most in the group find it gross, particularly if there’s an accessible bathroom.
• Does sterilization make it okay?
  The cast agrees: just because urine is sterile, doesn’t mean anyone wants to swim in it.

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Overall Tone:
Hilarious, confessional, and candid — classic Bert Show mix of playful ribbing, real talk, and gross-out humor.

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Transcript

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[Melissa]

a story about water and a pool that I wanted to relay to you guys because I made the sad realization recently at a pool party that it's not just kids that pee in the kiddie pool. And the reason I say this is because I was at a pool party and we were just. And it was a, you know, it was a public pool. And I won't say where it is. It was a pool that was outside pool somewhere. And so there was the adult pool and the kiddie pool separated.

[Jim]

So it's like some sort of community center.

[Melissa]

Not necessarily.

[Jim]

Whatever.

[Melissa]

I'm not saying where it is. So there's an adult pool and then there's a kiddie pool. And so there wasn't. I mean, it was during the day, and everybody's hanging out and laying out and stuff. And so I was laying out, and so I noticed. And it was just our group there, and one of the women in the group got up and said, you don't think anybody mind, you know, me getting in the kiddie pool, do you? You know, like, to us, like, you. Because there's no kids around, so it's no big deal. Right. Because she was saying that she was hot, but she still wanted to lay out. So she laid in the kiddie pool and just kind of had her arms outstretched on the concrete and just laid back.

[Bert]

Okay, I need a definite definition of exactly what the kiddie pool is. This isn't one little itty bitty inflatable pool where the kids are playing.

[Melissa]

No, you're in a public pool where you have the adult pool and then the kid pool over to the side. So, like, at a community. Like Jim was describing, community center, a country club, a hotel, it's shared. It's not shared water.

[Bert]

It's not shared. Okay.

[Melissa]

They're separated.

[Bert]

And that's important right there.

[Melissa]

Yes. And so she's sitting in the kiddie pool, laid back and hanging out. So I didn't think anything about. Because I thought, well, she, you know, she was hot and. But she didn't want to get in the adult pool because she didn't want to get her hair wet. Right? So, okay, fine. No big deal. I'm laying out. Laying out. Okay. Then she gets up and goes back to her lounge chair. No big deal. And then soon after, a family comes in and there's a little girl that starts heading to the kiddie pool. And I heard her say, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. And I was like, well, what's wrong? And she confessed to me that she was peeing in the kiddie pool. That's why she went in there instead of going to the bathroom. The public bathroom was literally near us. I mean, there was. There was a. There was a women's and men's bathroom.

[Jim]

How old is this woman, she had

[Melissa]

to be in her 30s.

[Jim]

You're kidding.

[Melissa]

And peed in the kiddie pool when nobody else was there because for some reason she couldn't walk 15ft to the public bathroom.

[Bert]

It's less offensive to me than peeing in the adult pool. Because at least you could look at the kiddie pool and go, those kids have been peeing in it the entire day.

[Melissa]

But if there's a bath available, why not just.

[Bert]

I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying if you're gonna pee in the adult pool where I'm hanging out, or you're gonna poo, or you're gonna pee, I should say in the pool where the kids are. I understand why you go over there.

[Ad Voice]

That is disgusting.

[Melissa]

I said, I hope you feel bad when the little kids, they're waiting in the kiddie pool.

[Jen]

There's more water in the adult pool. If you're gonna do it, at least

[Jim]

be where it could be dispersed.

[Melissa]

And there's going to be more coming from a 30 something year old woman than from a 5 year old girl.

[Troy]

Don't.

[Bert]

You're guilty.

[Jen]

I'm guilty. I was a swimmer for 12 years.

[Jim]

Did you pee?

[Jen]

Not in the kiddie pool. But my coach would not let me get out of the bathroom. He said that's what the chlorine is for. Stay in the pool.

[Jim]

We'll see.

[Jen]

I got used to it, so I'm having choice. I'm still guilty because I got so used to it.

[Troy]

But it's okay. I. I think, I think we can all, as adults, we have all peed in large bodies of water.

[Jim]

The ocean, not the pool.

[Melissa]

I don't make a habit of it.

[Troy]

So you're telling me that neither you, or you, Melissa and Jen, as an adult, neither of you have ever peed in a swimming pool?

[Jim]

No, I don't think so.

[Melissa]

No.

[Jim]

In the ocean for sure.

[Melissa]

In the ocean and the lake. But not in a swimming pool.

[Troy]

Bert, please.

[Bert]

Yeah, I have to.

[Troy]

All right, thanks. Because I think it's an acceptable practice in a large pool.

[Melissa]

Just, I'm never swimming with either one of them, ever.

[Troy]

Don't advertise. My fault my, with her is. I mean, the kiddie pool is kind of gross. Like getting the big pool.

[Bert]

Well, you would never go in that thing anyway.

[Troy]

That's the bathroom. 15ft, but never announce it. Why would. I'm peeing right now. Shut up. I don't want to know that.

[Melissa]

Well, I think it was. I don't think she. I, I don't Think she meant to verbalize. Oh, no. When the kid came to, the family came, and the kids started, you know, put the little floaties on and started walking toward the pool. And I think it was just an inadvertent. Oh, no. And so it's like, what are you talking about? And then she had to confess.

[Bert]

I'm always a little bit nervous, even though we have never been able to receive a call from somebody saying that this is true. But as an adult, I'm always a little nervous that if I do pee in the pool, that that red dye or the purple dye is gonna show up around me.

[Jim]

That was the rumor I heard when I was younger, too. And that's what's always.

[Bert]

It's a movie. I mean, I think we've seen it in movies, but it's never happened.

[Jen]

I was a lifeguard for six years, and we never, ever put anything in the pool that did that.

[Jim]

See, I think it's rumor, but it was enough to scare me out of never doing it.

[Troy]

They did it on Mythbusters, I think.

[Jim]

Oh, really?

[Troy]

And I think it's. I think it is. It does exist, but it's not true. Like, there is something that you can

[Bert]

do, but no one ever does it.

[Troy]

Does it. Because it also would react to, like, sweat and other stuff or something like that.

[Bert]

Okay, now, the way it was explained to me is that the acid in your urine would be the thing that would activate this dye around you, which was enough for me to hold out for a long time. And then it was like just a little trickle just to make sure there was no.

[Troy]

And then nothing happens.

[Bert]

And then nothing happens. And then you just let that thing go.

[Melissa]

Oh, my God.

[Bert]

I don't believe either one.

[Troy]

I do not believe

[Melissa]

I would get out of a pool and go to the bathroom.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Jim]

Even in my pool and my apartment complex. I'll go back to my apartment.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Troy]

What about a lake?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I just said an ocean lake. I've done it.

[Jim]

But not.

[Bert]

But a confined pool area?

[Troy]

Not a chance.

[Melissa]

Because it's a smaller body of water

[Jen]

that chlorine is for, and then she kills everything.

[Bert]

Cleans you up. Yeah.

[Melissa]

Well, that doesn't give you permission just because it's there for you to do anything. Oh, God.

[Jim]

Have you ever swam through someone else's pee when they peed in the pool because it feels a little warmer than

[Jen]

the rest of the water?

[Jim]

Yes, I have done that.

[Melissa]

Well, that little girl did. That little girl was like, oh, mommy, this is warm in here. And then we all pointed at my

[Troy]

friends before you guys all get critical or whatever, if it's. If it's any smaller than Olympic size, I will nat number two in it.

[Bert]

That's big.

[Jim]

That's good. Thanks.

[Bert]

Good morning, Erin. You are on Q100. Hi.

[Erin]

Yeah, I would love to know if anybody else has actually seen it, because our friends of ours, our family member of ours, has a pool and has the chemical and has the bottle there, so we know that it's there. So nobody has done it. I don't know if telling us that so that nobody does doesn't exist. It has. There is a chemical that will react to it that you will know. And she said it's a fog of purplish red.

[Melissa]

Oh, that is.

[Troy]

That is a great idea.

[Bert]

Totally. So she has shown you the bottle before you and the kids get in the pool. She says, look, this is the chemical that's in there, and if you pee, then it's gonna become purple.

[Erin]

So now we've never seen it, so we don't know. But even her kids, Even her little kids will one day. The kid ran out of the pool and ran over to the grass, and we could totally see her going. And she said, I can't go in there, and I can't make it to the house.

[Melissa]

That's so funny.

[Erin]

She has even stopped her children from doing it.

[Bert]

It's a brilliant idea.

[Melissa]

You realize it's a bottle of peroxide

[Bert]

she's showing us, and parents should know better. Like par. You never sit in one of those little inflatable pools with your kids. Never, never, never. And it's the same rule for any kind of kiddie pool. If it's confined water, you don't get in there.

[Melissa]

Never.

[Troy]

Hey, would I be ruining it for a lot of people who don't like to swim in urine? If I said, I just looked this up on Snopes.

[Bert]

And what about the dye?

[Jen]

No, seriously.

[Melissa]

Or about just peeing in general?

[Troy]

The dye.

[Bert]

I want to know how much time have we spent on what's going on with the elections in Iran? 13 seconds. How long have we spent on talking about peeing in a pool? Nine minutes. That's what you get with the Birch show right here, people.

[Jim]

I keep trying to pronounce that guy's name. Ahmadinejad.

[Ad Voice]

Right. Did I get it right?

[Bert]

That is the name of the chemical that you put in the pool.

[Jim]

Ahmedjad. Ahmedajad. I've been practicing that out loud in my car because it drives me nuts when I read it, and I can't immediately say it.

[Bert]

I think that's what you should say. Like, when there are people around your pool, go, look, I've got this bottle of Ahmademi Shad right here. And if you guys pee in my pool, then it's going to turn all sorts of Ahmadenashad callers.

[Jim]

Bert, you just sujithaed it. Ah, ma Denijad. No. Ahmadinejad.

[Bert]

I'm a denijad.

[Melissa]

No, no.

[Troy]

Suchitha.

[Jim]

Suchitha.

[Bert]

Suchitha.

[Erin]

No.

[Troy]

I'm a denijad.

[Bert]

Hey, Troy. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Troy]

Hey, guys.

[Erin]

Love y' all show.

[Troy]

I just gonna tell you that everybody's talking about how peeing in a pool is gross. It really doesn't matter because all urine is sterile anyway.

[Bert]

That doesn't matter, man.

[Melissa]

I understand that.

[Troy]

Yeah, but it's still urine.

[Melissa]

I would like permission before I have to do anything with anybody else's bodily fluids.

[Jim]

Yeah, and I put a lot of products in my hair. I spend a lot of money on my hair. I spend a lot of money on shampoos and conditioners. I don't want you pee in my hair in the swimming pool.

[Bert]

It won't make any common sense. Even if it's sterilizing, I still don't want to swim through a sea of your urine.

[Melissa]

Get out of the damn pool and go to the bathroom. Sometimes it's far.

[Bert]

Sometimes you're drinking.

[Melissa]

And while you're going to the pool, I mean the bathroom, be sure and drag your knuckles on the ground. What is wrong with you that you pee in the pool as a grown man? Jeff, I got no problem.

[Jim]

Grown ass man.

[Bert]

From time to time, drinking in the pool or whatever, you got a cocktail in you. It's forever to get to the bathroom. You do what you got to do.

[Melissa]

This is another thing that's going up your nose and your mouth in your mouth.

[Troy]

I'm gonna go with, like, those pools like at the Hard Rock in Vegas. That's probably 30%.

[Melissa]

Oh, damn.

[Bert]

Look, pee is the last thing you need to be concerned about in a pool in Vegas.

[Ad Voice]

Oh, that's true.

[Troy]

You could end up pregnant.

[Bert]

So what'd you find?

[Troy]

It doesn't exist.

[Bert]

Pee dye does not exist.

[Troy]

Does not exist.

[Bert]

That is important information this morning.

[Jim]

Yes, but you can Snopes. Snopes. Remember we talked about that.

[Melissa]

Like, the creators of Snopes aren't always right. Don't you trust anyone?

[Bert]

Look at how jaded you've become working on this show. If there's one thing you can trust in this world, it's Snokes.

[Troy]

Yeah, they said the problem is a dye could be produced, but you have the same organic compounds in sweat and maybe even tears or spit or any, you know, thing that comes off the body.

[Jim]

No.

[Bert]

So pee away, people. You can't get caught. Pee away.

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