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Bert
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Melissa
a story about water and a pool that I wanted to relay to you guys because I made the sad realization recently at a pool party that it's not just kids that pee in the kiddie pool. And the reason I say this is because I was at a pool party and we were just. And it was a, you know, it was a public pool. And I won't say where it is. It was a pool that was outside pool somewhere. And so there was the adult pool and the kiddie pool separated.
Jim
So it's like some sort of community center.
Melissa
Not necessarily.
Jim
Whatever.
Melissa
I'm not saying where it is. So there's an adult pool and then there's a kiddie pool. And so there wasn't. I mean, it was during the day, and everybody's hanging out and laying out and stuff. And so I was laying out, and so I noticed. And it was just our group there, and one of the women in the group got up and said, you don't think anybody mind, you know, me getting in the kiddie pool, do you? You know, like, to us, like, you. Because there's no kids around, so it's no big deal. Right. Because she was saying that she was hot, but she still wanted to lay out. So she laid in the kiddie pool and just kind of had her arms outstretched on the concrete and just laid back.
Bert
Okay, I need a definite definition of exactly what the kiddie pool is. This isn't one little itty bitty inflatable pool where the kids are playing.
Melissa
No, you're in a public pool where you have the adult pool and then the kid pool over to the side. So, like, at a community. Like Jim was describing, community center, a country club, a hotel, it's shared. It's not shared water.
Bert
It's not shared. Okay.
Melissa
They're separated.
Bert
And that's important right there.
Melissa
Yes. And so she's sitting in the kiddie pool, laid back and hanging out. So I didn't think anything about. Because I thought, well, she, you know, she was hot and. But she didn't want to get in the adult pool because she didn't want to get her hair wet. Right? So, okay, fine. No big deal. I'm laying out. Laying out. Okay. Then she gets up and goes back to her lounge chair. No big deal. And then soon after, a family comes in and there's a little girl that starts heading to the kiddie pool. And I heard her say, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. And I was like, well, what's wrong? And she confessed to me that she was peeing in the kiddie pool. That's why she went in there instead of going to the bathroom. The public bathroom was literally near us. I mean, there was. There was a. There was a women's and men's bathroom.
Jim
How old is this woman, she had
Melissa
to be in her 30s.
Jim
You're kidding.
Melissa
And peed in the kiddie pool when nobody else was there because for some reason she couldn't walk 15ft to the public bathroom.
Bert
It's less offensive to me than peeing in the adult pool. Because at least you could look at the kiddie pool and go, those kids have been peeing in it the entire day.
Melissa
But if there's a bath available, why not just.
Bert
I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying if you're gonna pee in the adult pool where I'm hanging out, or you're gonna poo, or you're gonna pee, I should say in the pool where the kids are. I understand why you go over there.
Ad Voice
That is disgusting.
Melissa
I said, I hope you feel bad when the little kids, they're waiting in the kiddie pool.
Jen
There's more water in the adult pool. If you're gonna do it, at least
Jim
be where it could be dispersed.
Melissa
And there's going to be more coming from a 30 something year old woman than from a 5 year old girl.
Troy
Don't.
Bert
You're guilty.
Jen
I'm guilty. I was a swimmer for 12 years.
Jim
Did you pee?
Jen
Not in the kiddie pool. But my coach would not let me get out of the bathroom. He said that's what the chlorine is for. Stay in the pool.
Jim
We'll see.
Jen
I got used to it, so I'm having choice. I'm still guilty because I got so used to it.
Troy
But it's okay. I. I think, I think we can all, as adults, we have all peed in large bodies of water.
Jim
The ocean, not the pool.
Melissa
I don't make a habit of it.
Troy
So you're telling me that neither you, or you, Melissa and Jen, as an adult, neither of you have ever peed in a swimming pool?
Jim
No, I don't think so.
Melissa
No.
Jim
In the ocean for sure.
Melissa
In the ocean and the lake. But not in a swimming pool.
Troy
Bert, please.
Bert
Yeah, I have to.
Troy
All right, thanks. Because I think it's an acceptable practice in a large pool.
Melissa
Just, I'm never swimming with either one of them, ever.
Troy
Don't advertise. My fault my, with her is. I mean, the kiddie pool is kind of gross. Like getting the big pool.
Bert
Well, you would never go in that thing anyway.
Troy
That's the bathroom. 15ft, but never announce it. Why would. I'm peeing right now. Shut up. I don't want to know that.
Melissa
Well, I think it was. I don't think she. I, I don't Think she meant to verbalize. Oh, no. When the kid came to, the family came, and the kids started, you know, put the little floaties on and started walking toward the pool. And I think it was just an inadvertent. Oh, no. And so it's like, what are you talking about? And then she had to confess.
Bert
I'm always a little bit nervous, even though we have never been able to receive a call from somebody saying that this is true. But as an adult, I'm always a little nervous that if I do pee in the pool, that that red dye or the purple dye is gonna show up around me.
Jim
That was the rumor I heard when I was younger, too. And that's what's always.
Bert
It's a movie. I mean, I think we've seen it in movies, but it's never happened.
Jen
I was a lifeguard for six years, and we never, ever put anything in the pool that did that.
Jim
See, I think it's rumor, but it was enough to scare me out of never doing it.
Troy
They did it on Mythbusters, I think.
Jim
Oh, really?
Troy
And I think it's. I think it is. It does exist, but it's not true. Like, there is something that you can
Bert
do, but no one ever does it.
Troy
Does it. Because it also would react to, like, sweat and other stuff or something like that.
Bert
Okay, now, the way it was explained to me is that the acid in your urine would be the thing that would activate this dye around you, which was enough for me to hold out for a long time. And then it was like just a little trickle just to make sure there was no.
Troy
And then nothing happens.
Bert
And then nothing happens. And then you just let that thing go.
Melissa
Oh, my God.
Bert
I don't believe either one.
Troy
I do not believe
Melissa
I would get out of a pool and go to the bathroom.
Jen
Yeah.
Jim
Even in my pool and my apartment complex. I'll go back to my apartment.
Melissa
Yes.
Troy
What about a lake?
Melissa
Yeah, I just said an ocean lake. I've done it.
Jim
But not.
Bert
But a confined pool area?
Troy
Not a chance.
Melissa
Because it's a smaller body of water
Jen
that chlorine is for, and then she kills everything.
Bert
Cleans you up. Yeah.
Melissa
Well, that doesn't give you permission just because it's there for you to do anything. Oh, God.
Jim
Have you ever swam through someone else's pee when they peed in the pool because it feels a little warmer than
Jen
the rest of the water?
Jim
Yes, I have done that.
Melissa
Well, that little girl did. That little girl was like, oh, mommy, this is warm in here. And then we all pointed at my
Troy
friends before you guys all get critical or whatever, if it's. If it's any smaller than Olympic size, I will nat number two in it.
Bert
That's big.
Jim
That's good. Thanks.
Bert
Good morning, Erin. You are on Q100. Hi.
Erin
Yeah, I would love to know if anybody else has actually seen it, because our friends of ours, our family member of ours, has a pool and has the chemical and has the bottle there, so we know that it's there. So nobody has done it. I don't know if telling us that so that nobody does doesn't exist. It has. There is a chemical that will react to it that you will know. And she said it's a fog of purplish red.
Melissa
Oh, that is.
Troy
That is a great idea.
Bert
Totally. So she has shown you the bottle before you and the kids get in the pool. She says, look, this is the chemical that's in there, and if you pee, then it's gonna become purple.
Erin
So now we've never seen it, so we don't know. But even her kids, Even her little kids will one day. The kid ran out of the pool and ran over to the grass, and we could totally see her going. And she said, I can't go in there, and I can't make it to the house.
Melissa
That's so funny.
Erin
She has even stopped her children from doing it.
Bert
It's a brilliant idea.
Melissa
You realize it's a bottle of peroxide
Bert
she's showing us, and parents should know better. Like par. You never sit in one of those little inflatable pools with your kids. Never, never, never. And it's the same rule for any kind of kiddie pool. If it's confined water, you don't get in there.
Melissa
Never.
Troy
Hey, would I be ruining it for a lot of people who don't like to swim in urine? If I said, I just looked this up on Snopes.
Bert
And what about the dye?
Jen
No, seriously.
Melissa
Or about just peeing in general?
Troy
The dye.
Bert
I want to know how much time have we spent on what's going on with the elections in Iran? 13 seconds. How long have we spent on talking about peeing in a pool? Nine minutes. That's what you get with the Birch show right here, people.
Jim
I keep trying to pronounce that guy's name. Ahmadinejad.
Ad Voice
Right. Did I get it right?
Bert
That is the name of the chemical that you put in the pool.
Jim
Ahmedjad. Ahmedajad. I've been practicing that out loud in my car because it drives me nuts when I read it, and I can't immediately say it.
Bert
I think that's what you should say. Like, when there are people around your pool, go, look, I've got this bottle of Ahmademi Shad right here. And if you guys pee in my pool, then it's going to turn all sorts of Ahmadenashad callers.
Jim
Bert, you just sujithaed it. Ah, ma Denijad. No. Ahmadinejad.
Bert
I'm a denijad.
Melissa
No, no.
Troy
Suchitha.
Jim
Suchitha.
Bert
Suchitha.
Erin
No.
Troy
I'm a denijad.
Bert
Hey, Troy. Good morning. You're on Q100.
Troy
Hey, guys.
Erin
Love y' all show.
Troy
I just gonna tell you that everybody's talking about how peeing in a pool is gross. It really doesn't matter because all urine is sterile anyway.
Bert
That doesn't matter, man.
Melissa
I understand that.
Troy
Yeah, but it's still urine.
Melissa
I would like permission before I have to do anything with anybody else's bodily fluids.
Jim
Yeah, and I put a lot of products in my hair. I spend a lot of money on my hair. I spend a lot of money on shampoos and conditioners. I don't want you pee in my hair in the swimming pool.
Bert
It won't make any common sense. Even if it's sterilizing, I still don't want to swim through a sea of your urine.
Melissa
Get out of the damn pool and go to the bathroom. Sometimes it's far.
Bert
Sometimes you're drinking.
Melissa
And while you're going to the pool, I mean the bathroom, be sure and drag your knuckles on the ground. What is wrong with you that you pee in the pool as a grown man? Jeff, I got no problem.
Jim
Grown ass man.
Bert
From time to time, drinking in the pool or whatever, you got a cocktail in you. It's forever to get to the bathroom. You do what you got to do.
Melissa
This is another thing that's going up your nose and your mouth in your mouth.
Troy
I'm gonna go with, like, those pools like at the Hard Rock in Vegas. That's probably 30%.
Melissa
Oh, damn.
Bert
Look, pee is the last thing you need to be concerned about in a pool in Vegas.
Ad Voice
Oh, that's true.
Troy
You could end up pregnant.
Bert
So what'd you find?
Troy
It doesn't exist.
Bert
Pee dye does not exist.
Troy
Does not exist.
Bert
That is important information this morning.
Jim
Yes, but you can Snopes. Snopes. Remember we talked about that.
Melissa
Like, the creators of Snopes aren't always right. Don't you trust anyone?
Bert
Look at how jaded you've become working on this show. If there's one thing you can trust in this world, it's Snokes.
Troy
Yeah, they said the problem is a dye could be produced, but you have the same organic compounds in sweat and maybe even tears or spit or any, you know, thing that comes off the body.
Jim
No.
Bert
So pee away, people. You can't get caught. Pee away.
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Podcast Date: April 9, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Melissa, Jim, Jen, Troy
Episode Theme:
This episode dives into a hilarious, candid, and slightly gross discussion about the poolside myth that dominated most listeners' childhoods: Is there really a chemical in pools that changes color when someone pees? The cast swaps confessions and childhood memories, debates pool etiquette, and, with a blend of humor and skepticism, investigates whether the infamous “pee dye” is fact or fiction.
[02:02–04:11] Melissa’s Pool Party Story:
“She confessed to me that she was peeing in the kiddie pool. That's why she went in there instead of going to the bathroom.”
—Melissa [03:26]
[04:12–05:13] Guilty Parties and Social Norms:
“As adults, we have all peed in large bodies of water.”
—Troy [05:13]
[06:19–09:04] Childhood Fears and Fact-Checking:
“I'm always a little bit nervous… that red dye or the purple dye is gonna show up around me.”
—Bert [06:19]
“It's a movie… it's never happened.”
—Bert [06:33]
“It's a brilliant idea.”
—Melissa [09:04]
[09:22–11:07] Social & Scientific Realities:
“Pee dye does not exist.”
—Troy [11:46]
“So pee away, people. You can't get caught. Pee away.”
—Bert [12:22]
“Even if it's sterilizing, I still don't want to swim through a sea of your urine.”
—Bert [11:02]
Reluctant Admissions:
“I hope you feel bad when the little kids, they're waiting in the kiddie pool.”
– Melissa [04:42]
“If it's any smaller than Olympic size, I will not number two in it.”
– Troy [07:59]
Childhood Lessons:
“You never sit in one of those little inflatable pools with your kids. Never, never, never.”
– Bert [09:06]
Comic Relief:
“Pee is the last thing you need to be concerned about in a pool in Vegas.”
– Bert [11:38]
“You could end up pregnant.”
– Troy [11:42]
Overall Tone:
Hilarious, confessional, and candid — classic Bert Show mix of playful ribbing, real talk, and gross-out humor.