The Bert Show – Vault: Is This Myth About Pools the Biggest Lie of Your Childhood?

Podcast Date: April 9, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert, Melissa, Jim, Jen, Troy
Episode Theme:
This episode dives into a hilarious, candid, and slightly gross discussion about the poolside myth that dominated most listeners' childhoods: Is there really a chemical in pools that changes color when someone pees? The cast swaps confessions and childhood memories, debates pool etiquette, and, with a blend of humor and skepticism, investigates whether the infamous “pee dye” is fact or fiction.

Main Highlights & Discussion Points

1. Adults Peeing in Pools: Confessions and Horror Stories

[02:02–04:11] Melissa’s Pool Party Story:

Melissa relays a recent incident: at a public pool party, a 30-something friend decided to cool off not in the adult pool, but the kiddie pool.
After a child approached the kiddie pool, Melissa’s friend confessed she had just peed in it to avoid the short walk to the nearby bathroom.
The cast reacts with collective horror and comic disbelief, debating whether it’s less offensive to pee in the kiddie or adult pool.

“She confessed to me that she was peeing in the kiddie pool. That's why she went in there instead of going to the bathroom.”
—Melissa [03:26]

2. Peeing in Pools: Who Does It (and Where)?

[04:12–05:13] Guilty Parties and Social Norms:

Jen admits, as a former swimmer, her coach wouldn't allow bathroom breaks, asserting, “That's what the chlorine is for.”
Troy (and to a lesser degree, Bert) confesses it’s not uncommon for adults to pee in large pools—though opinions diverge on pools versus oceans/lakes.

“As adults, we have all peed in large bodies of water.”
—Troy [05:13]

3. The Myth of the Purple Pee Dye

[06:19–09:04] Childhood Fears and Fact-Checking:

Bert and Jim reminisce about the long-standing rumor: if you pee in a pool, a dye will reveal your guilt with a visible colored cloud.
Jen (former lifeguard) debunks this, stating, “We never, ever put anything in the pool that did that.”
Caller Erin later claims a family friend keeps a bottle by the pool to scare kids—an effective deterrent, true or not.

“I'm always a little bit nervous… that red dye or the purple dye is gonna show up around me.”
—Bert [06:19]
“It's a movie… it's never happened.”
—Bert [06:33]
“It's a brilliant idea.”
—Melissa [09:04]

4. Urban Legends and Pool Etiquette Debates

[09:22–11:07] Social & Scientific Realities:

The group delves deeper: Troy checks Snopes, confirming the “pee dye” doesn’t actually exist, as compounds in sweat and other fluids would also trigger the dye.
The cast debates whether the knowledge it isn’t real makes peeing in pools more acceptable, with strong opposition from Melissa and Jim.

“Pee dye does not exist.”
—Troy [11:46]
“So pee away, people. You can't get caught. Pee away.”
—Bert [12:22]
“Even if it's sterilizing, I still don't want to swim through a sea of your urine.”
—Bert [11:02]

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Reluctant Admissions:
“I hope you feel bad when the little kids, they're waiting in the kiddie pool.”
– Melissa [04:42]
“If it's any smaller than Olympic size, I will not number two in it.”
– Troy [07:59]
Childhood Lessons:
“You never sit in one of those little inflatable pools with your kids. Never, never, never.”
– Bert [09:06]
Comic Relief:
“Pee is the last thing you need to be concerned about in a pool in Vegas.”
– Bert [11:38]
“You could end up pregnant.”
– Troy [11:42]

Timestamps for Key Segments

[02:02] Melissa’s story: adult peeing in the kiddie pool
[04:45] Swimming coaches and peeing etiquette for swimmers
[05:31] Hosts confess (or deny) peeing in pools versus oceans/lakes
[06:19] Purple pee dye myth and childhood fears
[08:12] Listener call about supposed pool dye deterrents
[09:22] Snopes check — final (science-based) verdict
[11:02] Debate: Is pool urine really a concern if it's sterile?

Final Verdicts & Takeaways

The purple/colored pool pee dye?
Doesn’t exist and is mostly an urban legend used by parents to scare kids away from peeing in pools.
Do adults actually pee in pools?
Some do—often justifying it in large bodies of water—but most in the group find it gross, particularly if there’s an accessible bathroom.
Does sterilization make it okay?
The cast agrees: just because urine is sterile, doesn’t mean anyone wants to swim in it.

Overall Tone:
Hilarious, confessional, and candid — classic Bert Show mix of playful ribbing, real talk, and gross-out humor.

Transcript

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Melissa (2:02)

a story about water and a pool that I wanted to relay to you guys because I made the sad realization recently at a pool party that it's not just kids that pee in the kiddie pool. And the reason I say this is because I was at a pool party and we were just. And it was a, you know, it was a public pool. And I won't say where it is. It was a pool that was outside pool somewhere. And so there was the adult pool and the kiddie pool separated.

Jim (2:29)

So it's like some sort of community center.

The Bert Show – Vault: Is This Myth About Pools the Biggest Lie of Your Childhood?

Main Highlights & Discussion Points

1. Adults Peeing in Pools: Confessions and Horror Stories

[02:02–04:11] Melissa’s Pool Party Story:

Melissa relays a recent incident: at a public pool party, a 30-something friend decided to cool off not in the adult pool, but the kiddie pool.
After a child approached the kiddie pool, Melissa’s friend confessed she had just peed in it to avoid the short walk to the nearby bathroom.
The cast reacts with collective horror and comic disbelief, debating whether it’s less offensive to pee in the kiddie or adult pool.

“She confessed to me that she was peeing in the kiddie pool. That's why she went in there instead of going to the bathroom.”
—Melissa [03:26]

2. Peeing in Pools: Who Does It (and Where)?

[04:12–05:13] Guilty Parties and Social Norms:

Jen admits, as a former swimmer, her coach wouldn't allow bathroom breaks, asserting, “That's what the chlorine is for.”
Troy (and to a lesser degree, Bert) confesses it’s not uncommon for adults to pee in large pools—though opinions diverge on pools versus oceans/lakes.

“As adults, we have all peed in large bodies of water.”
—Troy [05:13]

3. The Myth of the Purple Pee Dye

[06:19–09:04] Childhood Fears and Fact-Checking:

Bert and Jim reminisce about the long-standing rumor: if you pee in a pool, a dye will reveal your guilt with a visible colored cloud.
Jen (former lifeguard) debunks this, stating, “We never, ever put anything in the pool that did that.”
Caller Erin later claims a family friend keeps a bottle by the pool to scare kids—an effective deterrent, true or not.

“I'm always a little bit nervous… that red dye or the purple dye is gonna show up around me.”
—Bert [06:19]
“It's a movie… it's never happened.”
—Bert [06:33]
“It's a brilliant idea.”
—Melissa [09:04]

4. Urban Legends and Pool Etiquette Debates

[09:22–11:07] Social & Scientific Realities:

The group delves deeper: Troy checks Snopes, confirming the “pee dye” doesn’t actually exist, as compounds in sweat and other fluids would also trigger the dye.
The cast debates whether the knowledge it isn’t real makes peeing in pools more acceptable, with strong opposition from Melissa and Jim.

“Pee dye does not exist.”
—Troy [11:46]
“So pee away, people. You can't get caught. Pee away.”
—Bert [12:22]
“Even if it's sterilizing, I still don't want to swim through a sea of your urine.”
—Bert [11:02]

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Reluctant Admissions:
“I hope you feel bad when the little kids, they're waiting in the kiddie pool.”
– Melissa [04:42]
“If it's any smaller than Olympic size, I will not number two in it.”
– Troy [07:59]
Childhood Lessons:
“You never sit in one of those little inflatable pools with your kids. Never, never, never.”
– Bert [09:06]
Comic Relief:
“Pee is the last thing you need to be concerned about in a pool in Vegas.”
– Bert [11:38]
“You could end up pregnant.”
– Troy [11:42]

Timestamps for Key Segments

[02:02] Melissa’s story: adult peeing in the kiddie pool
[04:45] Swimming coaches and peeing etiquette for swimmers
[05:31] Hosts confess (or deny) peeing in pools versus oceans/lakes
[06:19] Purple pee dye myth and childhood fears
[08:12] Listener call about supposed pool dye deterrents
[09:22] Snopes check — final (science-based) verdict
[11:02] Debate: Is pool urine really a concern if it's sterile?

Final Verdicts & Takeaways

The purple/colored pool pee dye?
Doesn’t exist and is mostly an urban legend used by parents to scare kids away from peeing in pools.
Do adults actually pee in pools?
Some do—often justifying it in large bodies of water—but most in the group find it gross, particularly if there’s an accessible bathroom.
Does sterilization make it okay?
The cast agrees: just because urine is sterile, doesn’t mean anyone wants to swim in it.

Overall Tone:
Hilarious, confessional, and candid — classic Bert Show mix of playful ribbing, real talk, and gross-out humor.

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Vault: Is This Myth About Pools the Biggest Lie of Your Childhood?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Is This Myth About Pools the Biggest Lie of Your Childhood?

Main Highlights & Discussion Points

1. Adults Peeing in Pools: Confessions and Horror Stories

2. Peeing in Pools: Who Does It (and Where)?

3. The Myth of the Purple Pee Dye

4. Urban Legends and Pool Etiquette Debates

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Key Segments

Final Verdicts & Takeaways

Transcript

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Is This Myth About Pools the Biggest Lie of Your Childhood?

Main Highlights & Discussion Points

1. Adults Peeing in Pools: Confessions and Horror Stories

2. Peeing in Pools: Who Does It (and Where)?

3. The Myth of the Purple Pee Dye

4. Urban Legends and Pool Etiquette Debates

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Key Segments

Final Verdicts & Takeaways