C (2:25)

Because you're, like, the middle man. Since he won't come on the show, then you're the messenger. We have to give you our questions, and then you give back his answers.

A (2:32)

And this went back and forth, like, four or five different emails. And I went over some of the emails yesterday, and I've just highlighted the ones that I think have the pertinent information on it based on the final email that I haven't read you guys. Okay, okay.

D (2:46)

The final email, I feel like that should be on gold paper.

B (2:50)

It's like the final suitcase on dealer. No deal.

A (2:53)

It may be. It may be. All right. So at one point, you guys asked me if he'd go on the air with us. He said, no, he'd suggest it, but he knows what her reaction would be, that there'd be no way, and she might be really upset about it, and his friends would just give him all sorts of grief. So, no. Do you feel as though she treats you like a doormat? He wrote back, I've had friends tell me that I've changed since we've been together, if I was honest. He wrote, yes, yes, yes. She's the alpha male. You guys asked me to ask him, do you think she has more confidence now that she's lost weight? Because he told us that they went on this weight thing together. They started hitting the gym together, and she lost a lot of weight. And he wrote back, she looks amazing. Not only has she lost the weight, but she takes way more time on her appearance now. She spends more time on clothes. She spends a ton at the salon, works out religiously, and, yes, she's more confident now. Then in another email, you guys asked, is it possible she's looking out for a way out of the marriage? He wrote back, I don't know. I guess that after all this, I'll believe anything. That was a big suggestion from Burchell. Listener saying, she's just looking for a way out. He said, I don't know. I guess it's possible. But he was really confused because this was so out of the ordinary for her to, like, be aggressive about it.

B (4:16)

Through this whole time of us exchanging emails with him, she continually said, go sleep with another woman. She was the one who didn't drop.

A (4:23)

It, and she wouldn't give him a reason why she was Being so strong, you know, in her suggestion, you guys asked me to ask him about her sexual past. She said she thinks she's probably had more than 20 experiences. We multiplied that by 30. And you asked about the general status of his relationship. He wrote back, if there's been any change at all, it was for the better. About two years ago, we both started dating because. Or dieting because we hated the way we looked. So I'm doing things a little bit out of order. We've both gone to the gym together. We eat right. We've taken off a ton of weight, and this is really the only big change we've had in years. And I think that's the pertinent stuff right there.

C (5:08)

Okay.

A (5:08)

Is there anything else I'm missing you.

C (5:09)

Guys can remember that I can remember? No, I just. The fact, like, Jen said that she's so insistent.

A (5:14)

Yeah.

C (5:15)

So insistent about it. And for him to not like previous callers or, you know, last fall when we did this about just building confidence, but she wants him to go out and be with another woman.

A (5:25)

To the insistent question, you guys asked me to ask him why she's so insistent about this. And he wrote back. She said, I have to ask myself why I'm not taking her up on the opportunity. So she was never really answering this question at all.

B (5:37)

She was Jedi mind tricking him.

A (5:39)

Totally. She said 99% of men would never question their wife. When she said, you have one week to have sex with as many women as you want, that's not true.

B (5:49)

If your wives came to you and said, you have one week, you would look at her like she was nuts. I mean, you might like to fantasize about the idea, but.

A (5:57)

So I'll continue in this email. Seriously, you'd be like, what, one week?

D (6:03)

Give me an hour, whatever. And a phone book.

C (6:08)

Yeah. That doesn't include BlackBerry Exchange.

A (6:12)

All right, so I think the last time that we emailed him, we made the suggestion, I turn it around on her or tell her that you actually were going to go do it and see what her reaction was.

D (6:21)

Jedi mind trick.

A (6:22)

The Jedi go back and do it to her. He never responded back to that. But here's what I got a few days ago. Okay.

D (6:28)

The final. This is the final, final one.

A (6:30)

It could be, but he's still sort of asking for advice here. So I'll give the phone number out. 404741. Q100. Hey, Bert, I know it's been a long time since we've had any email exchange. I didn't want to Update you until there was really was something to update you with. And, boy, now I have an update. My wife left me a few weeks ago.

C (6:47)

Oh, no.

A (6:48)

She's fallen out of love with me. It's been painful, but she said she's been out of love with me for a long time now. The only thing that kept her around, she said, was that she made a vow to me before God and she wanted to stick to her commitment. She said she realized that she just has a different outlook on life now. When I asked her when she started to feel differently, she said that it was probably after we lost all that weight together. She said she couldn't pinpoint the exact time, but she bluntly told me that she started fantasizing about what life would be like without me a long time ago. That must be hard to hear. And even though she made a commitment to me, she realizes now that life is precious and she wasn't living life to its fullest. She said she wants to explore, and this is his quote, her new self, whatever that means. Maybe one of you can explain that to me, actually. Because when I ask her, she says it's unexplainable and that she feels like a metamorphosis has come over her and this is who she is now.

D (7:47)

She's like a butterfly.

A (7:48)

And the new her doesn't love a man like me. I guess she said that I've done nothing wrong, that I haven't changed a bit, and that I'm exactly the man now that she fell in love with. But she also couldn't deny who she's turned into. I still don't want to come on the radio because we have too many friends that listen. I'm still hoping that she'll realize the old me is still good enough to be with her. To be honest, I've never thought of a life without her. I'm sure the signs were there. I guess the only one I saw was your married man challenge. Thanks again for all the advice your listeners have given me. I can't say it helped, but some of them sure were right. She was out of love. I don't think she was having an affair, but who knows? I'll continue to listen every day, and we'll be interested to see what you guys have to think.

B (8:33)

Awesome.

E (8:35)

Sad.

C (8:35)

Well, it's like we were talking about her wanting to get out. She was trying to get him to do something to make her feel better about wanting to leave that relationship.

A (8:43)

You know, I think most had nailed it. Like, for whatever reason, she was kind of Pushing him out the door.

D (8:48)

So what advice was he asking for in that letter?

A (8:50)

He was just saying that maybe you guys can explain this to me.

B (8:53)

Just explaining her metamorphosis and her change.

A (8:56)

Yeah. Her new self. She wants to explore. Her new self is what he's most confused.

B (9:00)

Did we figure out how old they are?

A (9:02)

Never asked. Does it matter?

B (9:05)

Well, I just was thinking, like, if they got married really young, and maybe she just grew up, up in the process of being married to him and realized she grew in a different direction.

A (9:14)

Good morning, Liz. You're on Q100.

E (9:16)

Hi. How are you guys?

A (9:17)

Good. How are you?

E (9:18)

I'm good. I'm so pumped right now. I listen to you all the time, and hearing this really kind of makes me upset. Just because I think that her reasoning in the whole thing was that when they got married, she was probably not, like, you know, thin or anything, and he took her for how she was, and she got comfortable in the marriage and in the relationship. And then once she lost the weight, she found this new kind of confidence, and she probably got attention elsewhere, and she just probably got tired of him. And because she lost the weight and because she got the attention elsewhere, she grew selfish and realized that she can probably do better. And so that's why she left him, because her ego got in the way.

A (10:05)

See, now, as a guy, I'm listening to this, and I'm getting a whole bunch of mixed messages because I've heard women say before that I was thin when we met, then I put the weight on and his attitude changed towards me, and then I took the weight back off, and I couldn't see him for the same guy because I knew his attraction to me was just weight related. Now here's a guy that loved her when she was heavy and she loses the weight and she falls out of love with him.

C (10:32)

Yeah, that's the thought I had to. Yeah.

B (10:34)

I think that this caller may be right, that she just started to get, you know, different kind of attention and had never been used to that.

A (10:41)

Maybe.

C (10:41)

But she's not gonna find better. She found somebody that loved her for who she was. Mm.

A (10:45)

So, like, if you guys had to write a predicted script, do you think that eventually she goes out there and sorta tests the waters to see what's going on out there and then ends up back with him?

C (10:53)

She'll. I think she'll eventually come back to him and say, I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I had, but I don't know whether that's gonna take her getting into a relationship with someone else who's gonna treat her poorly or not.

D (11:04)

But by that time, he could have moved on and found somebody else who, who doesn't go out and beg him to have sex with somebody else.

A (11:11)

This is what he said also. And this is the one that I circled, said, I've done nothing wrong, that I haven't changed a bit. And I'm exactly the man now that she fell in love with. So, like, the dude didn't do anything wrong.

C (11:24)

That's just cruel to say, well, I.

B (11:26)

Wonder, are they separated or is she gone for good?

A (11:30)

Doesn't it just says what it says when I read to you? Good morning, Katie. You're on. Q100.

E (11:35)

Hey, guys. I definitely think that after she lost weight, she cheated on him and then started feeling bad about herself. So she wanted him to go out and sleep with other people.

A (11:45)

That was a theory early on.

D (11:47)

It's actually not a bad thought. And then when he couldn't do it, she's like, he's too good for me.

A (11:54)

She takes off.

C (11:54)

She had to leave.

A (11:56)

I want to follow up with him, like, I want to follow over the next couple of weeks and months, because my bet is that she'll go out there and she'll start dating or whatever and realize her, you know, it's just not as great as she thought it was going to be. And she'll start calling him back to start that life over again. And to be honest with you, my hope is that he's already moved on.

B (12:14)

Yeah, but if. Didn't it say in there that she told him she had been thinking about a life without him for a really long time?

A (12:19)

Right now, she doesn't specify how long that was. Was it right as she started losing the weight? Was it before then? Who knows, right? Good morning. Q100.

E (12:29)

Hey.

A (12:29)

Hey, Jennifer.

E (12:31)

How you doing? I just had to say something. As far as when you're not in love with yourself completely as a person, you can't give love to somebody else. And because we all know, like, if you, if you've lost weight, like, if you, if you come down 30 pounds, if you come down 50 pounds, like, your attitude towards life, towards yourself is always going to be different and people are going to look at you, how you see yourself. So when the whole world was looking at her differently, then I don't know how much weight she lost, but if she lost an extensive amount of weight, her attitude towards life in general is going to change. And if he stayed the same, which most guys do and girls always change, then I Could see where she would fall out of love with him because of the fact that she has a new love for herself that she needs to give to somebody.

A (13:15)

But he appreciated. He appreciated the woman that was. I don't know.

E (13:20)

Yeah, I mean, I.

C (13:23)

But he. Yeah, he. She was in a relationship with him, and he loved her the way she was, and he was loving her the way she was now and worked with her to do it. Like, it's like Bert said, it is mixed messages, because everything happened the way we always give advice for. Do it together, work together, and they did it together, and then she ended up leaving him anyway.

A (13:41)

You know, relationships can't work. Nobody should ever, ever be with each other. She'll never commit to each other.

C (13:46)

Well, this goes into. You know, there's some people who believe that we're not naturally supposed to be monogamous anyway.

B (13:51)

Well, it is.

A (13:52)

I. I believe that. I really do. As I get older, I really believe that. That it. I'm not saying that you can't do it, but I'm saying it goes against your ne. And I know we fought about this before. I think. I think it goes. Yeah, I think it goes across nature. I'm saying you can fight it and you can overcome it, but I think naturally, you just. You. You have a need to be with other people.

B (14:11)

I was gonna say before, when we were talking to the caller, I would love to hear her side of things, you know? Cause we're just getting his side. So, like, the way that he's viewing it is, you know, she lost all this weight, and that's when everything changed. But she may. She may have some sort of, you know, completely opposite story of. Well, he started. Who knows, you know, and you never even know what it is. Like, maybe he started playing golf every weekend and spent every weekend playing golf while I was home. Whatever it is. Like, we're just not. We're only getting half of the story. We're only getting his side of things.

A (14:44)

Well, according to him, she says, you've done nothing wrong. You're the same dude.

B (14:47)

Yeah, maybe.

A (14:50)

Hey, Chelsea, you're on Q100.

B (14:52)

Hi.

E (14:54)

I just wanted to say, you know, I'm kind of going through the exact same thing that the female and the guy going through. I've been with my fiance probably, like 10 years, and I gained. Like, when we met, I was saying, then I gained all this weight, and then I lost it all, but he still stood by me no matter what. We were very much together. And then I lost all my weight again. And I'm Like, I want you to date other people. And he's like, no. And I try to push him towards it because I kind of feel bad about looking at other guys because I'm starting to date other guys outside of the relationship and it's just like I've fallen out of love with them and.

A (15:33)

You know, so I mean, am I hearing here, like, if you're a guy and you're married or you're dating a woman that's overweight, should you be nervous when she starts losing a lot of weight?

B (15:44)

I don't know.

C (15:44)

I don't know.

B (15:45)

I've never, I've been lucky. I've never gone through any sort of drastic weight change, so I don't even. I wouldn't have a clue what that feels like.

D (15:52)

Hey, don't.

A (15:53)

No, no, no, no.

D (15:54)

You look great. Don't get, Stop trying, Stop trying to get all skinny and hot. Come on, let's all. You know what, let's go to the buffet. Let's go to the Chinese, have a burger, honey.

A (16:02)

Come on. More. Come on.

D (16:04)

Hey, I'm bringing home milkshakes, extra cheese. Do you think there's any guys who do that? Keep the women fat?

A (16:09)

Oh, that's a good one.

C (16:11)

I'm sure, I'm sure.

A (16:12)

Because there's always tomorrow.

C (16:16)

The guys don't want any other guy to look at them. That's the reason why, you know.

A (16:20)

Hey, Sarah, good Morning. You're on Q100.

E (16:22)

Hey, I was. I did this to my ex husband, the cruel hearted person that did this. But I lost over 50 pounds and I was, you know, right at 30. And I think she was just trying to soften the blow for him to let him know that he could still get women and he was going to be okay because she already knew she was leaving. So I think she was, she did.

A (16:44)

This out of love. She was sweet. Come on.

E (16:47)

No, I'm serious. I mean, not like, she's not like a great person, but, you know, I mean, people do fall out of love with each other.

A (16:53)

So you say her suggestion for him to go out and find a woman and have as many sex with as many women as he can was her weaning him back into society. She knew what was going to happen in a couple of weeks.

E (17:05)

Exactly, I guess.

B (17:06)

Is that what you did?

E (17:08)

Well, no, I just left him. But he happened to be crazy too, so that wasn't just that he wasn't a nice person.

A (17:15)

Right. Okay.

E (17:17)

You know, she said she's. She still loves him and, you know, he's not a bad person. So trying to soften the blow a.

A (17:24)

Little bit, Dale hung up and said that he should look at this like a second opportunity for himself also, which is a little easier said than done, probably, when your wife just walked out the door.

C (17:34)

When somebody else makes the choice for you, it's never.

D (17:36)

It'll take a while for him to read, but I think there might be a point where he's like, hey, this really ain't that bad. This is pretty cool. And hopefully he'll be right in the middle of that when she comes back to him, maybe all fat again because she's too busy having sex with strangers to think about her diet or get on the treadmill. She can get all fat. She can get those love handles and her skin's going to have all sorts of weird stretch marks because she's up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down. And she's going to come back to him and he's going to say, get away from me, you fat stretch mark monster. I loved you when you were big, but I will not love you when you're stretched.

E (18:08)

Oh, my God.

A (18:09)

So I'm going to get him some cold medicine. The bird show.