Vault: Is This Statistic True About Women?

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: Is This Statistic True About Women?

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode Title: Vault: Is This Statistic True About Women?
Release Date: January 6, 2026
Main Hosts: Bert (absent in this episode), Jeff, and the regular cast
Summary Prepared by: Podcast Summarizer AI

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into a cheeky and candid discussion about an eyebrow-raising statistic found in Bert's infamous “show binder”: “9 out of 100 women have a toy in their car.” The hosts tackle this stat head-on with their trademark blend of humor, authenticity, and real listener interaction. The conversation explores comfort, stress relief, social taboos, and gender double standards, all with spirited insights from the show's cast and callers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Bert’s Binder: The Well of Taboo Topics

• [01:32–03:14]
  • The hosts detail how Bert’s binder is the source for much of the show’s content and contains years’ worth of conversation starters—some forgotten or cryptic.
  • When Bert travels, he sometimes leaves behind only a digital list, leaving the rest of the crew scavenging for topical gold.

The Controversial Statistic

• [03:14–03:49]
  • One binder entry stands out: “Statistic – 9 out of 100 women have a toy in their car with them.”
  • Initial reactions range from skepticism to playful belief:
    • Co-host: “No, I believe it.” [03:35]
    • Host: “That’s 10%—that's finished.” [03:36]
  • Discussion of modern lifestyle, stress, and the search for brief respites leads to agreement that “it is healthy for those nine women out of the hundred.” [03:55, Co-host 1]

Encouraging Listener Participation

• [03:52–04:12]
  • “The challenge is going to be getting someone to admit it.” [04:03, Host]
  • Assurance of anonymity: “We got the voice disguiser.” [04:06, Co-host 1]

Jeff’s Church Bus Anecdote

• [04:12–05:43]
  • Jeff recalls as a teen on a choir tour, he and a bus full of kids witness a woman self-pleasuring in her car, bringing up the subject of public behavior and shock value.

Callers Weigh In

Caller: Stephanie

• [05:47–07:20]
  • Admits to being one of the “nine out of 100”;
  • Keeps a toy in her purse, which goes everywhere with her;
  • Uses it “probably two or three” days out of the workweek, usually on the way home.
  • Cleaning and hygiene addressed: “I don't think they're leaving them in there, because if they do, that's just nasty.” [06:49, Stephanie]

Classic Gender Double Standard Raised

• [11:10–11:18]
  • Dana: “What if a man were to do this in traffic or at the bathroom at work? He’d be considered quite the perv.”
  • Hosts agree and discuss the legal, social perspectives.

Officer Eric’s Perspective

• [07:27–08:33]
  • Police traffic stop story: Female driver hides a foot-long marble toy.
  • “Show me your hands!” leads to a surprise revelation; jokes about whether “she got off.”
    • Host: “Once she showed you that, did she get off?” [08:21, Host]
    • Officer: “I think she did before she showed it to me.” [08:26, Officer Eric]

Shay: Work & Road Realities

• [08:46–09:38]
  • “Mini pocket rocket” for topical use kept at work, not for use in the car;
  • Humor about flexibility and size: “I’m a big girl, flex can’t just be gone everywhere, you know.” [09:22, Shay]

Amanda: Sales Pro’s Insight

• [09:49–10:23]
  • Pure Romance consultant: Sells “micro Vibro keychain”—10–15 per party.
  • “They put them on their keys... drive down the road, do whatever they want, fix their headaches.” [10:07, Amanda]

Jane: Motherhood & Practicality

• [10:31–10:58]
  • Admits to having used a toy in the car—previously, but not now due to kids;
  • Finds it a stress reliever during traffic;
  • Host concern: “What if you get rear-ended?” [10:49, Host]

Gender & Social Double Standards

• The discussion (and callers) pivot to the double standard of men versus women engaging in similar behaviors.
  • Dana: “If a man were to do this... he'd be considered quite the perv.” [11:10]
  • Co-hosts note public behavior laws, discretion, and the social lens.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Co-host 1: “In today’s society, in Atlanta, society today, I think it is healthy for those nine women out of the hundred.” [03:55]
• Jeff: “As a 15, 16 year old, I don’t know how old I was. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my time.” [05:30]
• Stephanie (Caller): “Probably two or three [days a week].” [06:22]
• Officer Eric: “She reaches down underneath her seat, pulled out one about a foot long and marble.” [08:13]
• Amanda (Pure Romance Consultant): “We sell a micro Vibro keychain. And I sell—every party—I sell at least ten to fifteen of those.” [10:03]
• Dana (Caller): “If a man were to do this in traffic or at the... bathroom at work, he’d be considered quite the perv.” [11:10]
• Host: “I don’t know. The whole thing—it should all be illegal in the car.” [11:51]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:32 — Show’s creative process and Bert’s binder
• 03:14 — Introduction of the “9 out of 100” statistic
• 03:52 — Voicing skepticism, inviting anonymous callers
• 04:12 — Jeff’s choir bus story and the first public self-love anecdote
• 05:47–07:20 — Stephanie’s candid confessions about carrying and using a toy
• 07:27–08:33 — Officer Eric’s law enforcement perspective and traffic stop story
• 08:46–09:38 — Shay on workplace stress relief and logistics
• 09:49–10:23 — Pure Romance consultant on keychain sales and prevalence
• 10:31–10:58 — Jane’s perspective on motherhood and past car use
• 11:10–11:59 — Gender double standards and “pervs” conversation

---

Episode Tone and Takeaways

True to The Bert Show’s ethos, the conversation remains honest, humorous, and unapologetically frank. The episode spotlights how people handle personal comfort and stress, the realities of modern commutes, and the ways society treats men and women differently for engaging in similar activities. Listeners and hosts alike bring curiosity, laughs, and a matter-of-fact attitude, making for a disarming, fun, and subtly thought-provoking morning show experience.

Transcript

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[Host (possibly Burt)]

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[Host (possibly Burt)]

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[Host (possibly Burt)]

The Burt Show When Burt leaves and when he goes on vacation and we're sitting here remaining to do the show, you have to. We do a meeting after every show and Bert has a three ring binder that he carries around with him. Like, you know, who is it Linus with his blanket?

[Co-host 1]

Right?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

You know, like, I mean this thing goes everywhere and if something comes up that could potentially be addressed on the show, it goes in this, this binder and it could be, you know, and like if a gentle say, oh, I had a phone conversation with my friend and she's got blah blah, blah going on in her life. And I would love to get advice from our listeners. That's a topic. If Melissa says, oh, you're not gonna believe it. I went to the store yesterday and got an argument with the clerk about blah, blah, blah that could go in there. And so it's to the point after doing this show for over four years, four years and a month now that there are Just, I mean, pages of. Just these topics, and 90% of me can't even remember. You read the line and it says, you know, jen, hobby, lost bracelet. And you're like, what? But at the time, that was gonna be like some super interesting whatever story, right? Well, when he goes on vacation, he takes that book home and he leaves it at home. And then we sit in our meeting after the show. I'm so, what do you want to talk about tomorrow? And we've got nothing to reference. Like, we've got nothing to go back on.

[Co-host 2]

Right.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So I asked him before he left for this San Diego trip, if you would send me, you know, leave me the binder or send me the list. So he sent me the file. He keeps it also backed up in his computer. He sent me the file. So I read down the file, and I saw all these different topics and these different things, and a lot of them rang a bell. And we've actually talked about one or two of them over the past couple days, and it's been very helpful. Then there were a few that I didn't understand at all.

[Co-host 1]

Right.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

And then there were a couple that made me raise an eyebrow. And I'd like to bring one of those up now.

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Bert had a line in his book that simply said statistic, and it had a hyphen, and it said, nine out of 100 women have a toy in their car with them. Nine out of 100 women have a toy in the car with them.

[Jeff]

Was this wishful thinking or was this.

[Co-host 1]

No, I believe it.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

He didn't. That's 10%. That's finished.

[Co-host 2]

We just finished talking about traffic, commutes and how everybody's got really busy days. Everybody's underslept and under sex.

[Co-host 1]

Right? So. And there's no time to relax.

[Commercial Announcer]

Right.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I'm under slept, but I don't have a pillow in my car.

[Co-host 2]

I think this is a good idea.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, I think. Yeah. I think in today's society, in Atlanta, society today, I think it is healthy for those nine women out of the hundred.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Well, the challenge is going to be getting someone to admit it.

[Co-host 1]

Oh, we got the voice disguiser.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Have a voice disguiser. And you can use a fake name. Or if you want to be brave and just call, you have one.

[Co-host 1]

Phil, Come on, ladies.

[Jeff]

I've seen it. No, I promise a truth. True story. I was on. When I was younger, I was in a choir at church, and we took a choir tour every summer.

[Co-host 1]

Oh, this is.

[Jeff]

Went to different places across the country. We went to the Grand Canyon, went To Mount Rushmore, went to Niagara Falls. And we'd always travel through big cities. Now, I was probably 15, 16 years old at the time, and I want to say the city was Houston. And we're traveling through the city, stuck in rush hour traffic, and you've got a bus full of church kids ranging from ages 15 to about. Actually about 14 to about.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hold on a minute. Look at this.

[Co-host 2]

The phone lines are ringing like crazy.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All ten lights on our phones.

[Co-host 1]

You go ladies.

[Jeff]

You go ranges of ages from about 14 to 18. And we're stuck in traffic and all of a sudden I start hearing people giggle and giggle and start laughing. And it slowly, as we're inching along through traffic, I look down through the window and we're in a big tour bus. So we're looking down on people and there's a girl and she has her sunroof open and she has her underwear down at her ankles and she's just going to town.

[Co-host 1]

So she's doing it herself.

[Jeff]

She's doing it herself.

[Co-host 1]

Okay.

[Jeff]

And just going.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Who else do you think would be doing it?

[Co-host 1]

No, I'm just. No, I'm. There was no. There was no mechanical devices involved.

[Jeff]

And as a 15, she might have. I don't know, she had a skirt that was about to her knees, but there was. It was blocking whatever was going on. And as a 15, 16 year old, I don't know how old I was. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my time.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, it was awesome. To me, that's the biggest cure for road rage. I mean, seriously.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Stephanie.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

How are you?

[Caller]

Good, and you?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I'm well, thank you. How's your commute?

[Caller]

Well, today it's rather uneventful, but. All right.

[Co-host 1]

So are you one of these nine out of the hundred women?

[Caller]

Yes, I am.

[Co-host 2]

Do you have one or more than one in the car?

[Caller]

Just one.

[Co-host 2]

And it's in the car all the time.

[Caller]

It's generally in like my purse, but my purse is wherever I go.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So you carry it in your purse with you?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

So how often, like out of a five day work week on average, how many days would you use your item?

[Caller]

Probably two or three.

[Co-host 1]

And is this on the way?

[Co-host 2]

I want to know is it on the way to work or on the way home from work?

[Caller]

Usually from work.

[Co-host 1]

You go, girl.

[Co-host 2]

On the way home from work.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Okay, where do you work and where do you live?

[Co-host 1]

Stop, Jeff.

[Co-host 2]

I want to know also, does this thing get taken out of the person, like clean and put back?

[Caller]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

[Co-host 2]

Because that was the thing I thought of when Jeff said that the statistic was they kept them in their car. Like, you got to take it out, clean it, and put it back.

[Caller]

I don't think that that's. I mean, I wouldn't think that's the case. I mean, if you. If you look through, like, you know, pure romance and whatnot. No, people have the, you know, the ability to clean and take. I don't think they're leaving them in there, because if they do, that's just nasty.

[Co-host 2]

Well, yeah, yeah. I guess if it was on the outside of your clothes, it could stay in the car all the time. But if it's going underneath the right.

[Co-host 1]

Outerwear, well, I think that's common sense, though. I think women are responsible with their toys, right?

[Caller]

Yeah, I would assume.

[Raj or Noah]

So.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Are you a married woman or a single woman?

[Co-host 2]

I'd have some baby wipes kept in there with it or something.

[Caller]

Thank goodness.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Oh, she's gone. She didn't answer.

[Co-host 2]

She was like, enough with you.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah, I've told you enough. And I'm. Goodbye. Hey, Eric.

[Officer Eric]

Hey.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

How you doing? Or Officer Eric, I guess, huh?

[Officer Eric]

Yeah, you can say that.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Okay.

[Co-host 1]

Hi, Officer.

[Officer Eric]

Good morning. How are y' all doing today?

[Co-host 1]

Good.

[Co-host 2]

We're good. And we're not encouraging anyone to do anything but concentrate on the road.

[Co-host 1]

10 and 2. 10 and 2.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

So do you have one of these in the squad car?

[Caller]

No, I don't have one in the.

[Officer Eric]

Squad car, but kind of a funny story, okay, One night, driving down the road, speeder's in front of me. Go ahead and pull her over. And all of a sudden, she ducks her hands below the seat. So, of course, you know, we're thinking, all right, this is kind of freaky. So we get out our guns and we point them at her. The whole deal.

[Caller]

Show me your hands.

[Officer Eric]

Show me your hands. And so she shows us her hands. She goes, I was just hiding something. And we're like, what were you hiding? So she reaches down underneath her seat, pulled out one about a foot long and marble.

[Co-host 2]

All right, so you thought she had a gun, but she had something else.

[Officer Eric]

You can say that. Exactly.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Now, let me ask you, once she showed you that, did she get off?

[Officer Eric]

I think she did before she showed it to me.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Thanks for the call.

[Officer Eric]

All right, guys.

[Co-host 1]

That's great.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Shay.

[Co-host 2]

Come on, tell us.

[Commercial Announcer]

Give it up.

[Caller]

Okay? I had, like, back when I had my Chrysler, I had a mini pocket rocket.

[Co-host 1]

Huh?

[Co-host 2]

Okay.

[Caller]

It was not for insertion. It was, you know, topical only. And since, you know, you're at work, you get frustrated. You dealing with customer service, you find, you know the nice employee bathroom in the back and you handle your business. When you're stressed and you go back to work, you keep it. Keep it in a plastic bag because you know, they come with the cleaning and all that good stuff.

[Co-host 1]

Now, have you. Now, okay, this is the employee bathroom. Have you ever used it in the car in traffic?

[Caller]

No, but I wouldn't be able to drive. I'm not that flexible with the head. I'm not that flexible. And I'm a big girl. Flex can't just be gone everywhere, you know.

[Co-host 1]

Now you just gave Jeff the idea that every time he walks down the hall and sees one of our female staff going to the bathroom, he's going to be thinking the same thing. Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

You think we are taking our purse because of the monthly reasons? There's other reasons, too.

[Co-host 1]

That's right.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Getting really uncomfortable in here.

[Commercial Announcer]

You brought it up.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Amanda.

[Co-host 2]

Hey.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, hey.

[Caller]

How are you guys?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

How are you?

[Caller]

I'm doing very well. I'm a Pure Romance consultant. I actually called up yesterday and gave tracy her free $150 worth of stuff. And I just wanted to let you guys know that we sell a micro Vibro keychain. And I sell every party. I sell at least 10 to 15 of those.

[Commercial Announcer]

That's hilarious.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

And they're keychains.

[Caller]

They're keychains. They put them on their keys, they can drive down the road, do whatever they want, fix their headaches.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

What if they. What if they valet park?

[Caller]

They valet park. Well, I guess the attendant's going to get a really nice surprise.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

All right. Thanks for the call. Thanks.

[Co-host 1]

I love how the Pure Romance people are just monitoring the show, waiting for.

[Commercial Announcer]

These sex topics to come.

[Jeff]

They don't wait till I say 8:30 before they start listening.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah, exactly.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Hey, Jane.

[Caller]

Hey.

[Raj or Noah]

How are you?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Good. How are you doing?

[Caller]

Good. On more than one occasion, I have used a toy in my car. Don't have one at the moment because I have children in the car with me. But in traffic, on the highway, just bored.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Road trips, whatever. What if you're using it? You get rear ended or something.

[Caller]

Well, I guess I've been very lucky.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

That could be dangerous.

[Caller]

I guess so. But you know, bad, long day. It's worth it.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Yeah. Now hold on. Dana has a good point. I didn't even think of this. Dana, go ahead.

[Caller]

I was just wondering if. What if a man were to do this in traffic or at the. In the bathroom at work, he'd be considered quite the perv.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

Right? And I think that's also, like, they.

[Co-host 2]

Don'T do it in traffic or at work.

[Co-host 1]

I have a guy friend that confessed to me that, yeah, on long trips, he gets bored. He doesn't.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

But that's like a. That's almost like a misdemeanor, isn't it? Like, you can't do that. Yes, it is.

[Co-host 2]

Well, if a guy.

[Co-host 1]

If a guy's doing it, too. Because I. When I was a teenager, I saw a guy in a, you know, mall parking lot doing it.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

But years ago, Jessica did too, but.

[Co-host 1]

He was doing it. He waited until I got there. So he was doing it as a perv to show off to somebody else, but a guy that's doing it just to release some stress and doing it discreetly. What's wrong with that?

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I don't know. The whole thing. It should all be illegal in the car.

[Co-host 1]

So when you're on your way home, Jeff, today I want you just to think. You want to look across your mind.

[Co-host 2]

You're wearing a big sweater.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

I've got.

[Co-host 1]

But it's kind of dark, so I've got a.

[Host (possibly Burt)]

And I got a six minute commute, so I could do it three times. The Birch Show.

[Raj or Noah]

Hey, it's Raj and Noah.

[Commercial Announcer]

And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[Raj or Noah]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[Commercial Announcer]

But who isn't? That's why each week, we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[Raj or Noah]

We'll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right. So the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us.

[Commercial Announcer]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Raj or Noah]

And for the first time ever, we're going to have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're going to be right here to help you do them better.

[Commercial Announcer]

Love you.