Vault: It's his first time not having plans for New Years

Summary

The Bert Show Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: It's his first time not having plans for New Years
Date: May 28, 2026
Main Theme:
The cast of The Bert Show dive into their feelings and experiences around New Year’s Eve plans—facing the anxiety, the pressure to make the night memorable, and the realization that maybe the hype isn’t always worth it. With stories about epic past celebrations, changing expectations due to life and economic factors, and the search for meaning in the holiday, the crew brings humor and authenticity to a relatable dilemma.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Jeff’s New Year’s Eve Conundrum

• [00:00 – 01:55]

  • Jeff opens up about having zero plans for New Year’s Eve for the first time, describing it as “weird” and feeling “excited” but also slightly unsettled.
  • Traditionally, Jeff and Jessica make NYE out of town, having done NYC, Waikiki, Paris, and the Caribbean, but this year, they have nothing lined up.
  • Quote:
    • "We always try to be in a different city... This year we have absolutely no plans... So I'm kind of like excited about it.” – Jeff [00:07]
  • Considers a road trip but is daunted by the thought of the drive home and the urge to just sleep in his own bed after a trip.

• [01:55 – 02:57]

  • Jeff reflects on why he can’t imagine staying home on NYE, feeling like he’d be "jealous" of everyone else out having fun if he didn’t make plans.
  • Jessica reminds him about their memorable Y2K (the year 2000) NYE spent in Arizona, waiting for the world to end, only for nothing to happen.

The Disappointment/Pressure of New Year’s Eve

• [02:57 – 03:28]

  • Jeff and the group riff on how NYE is "really adult prom"—there’s hype and expectation, but it often doesn’t live up.
  • Quote:
    • "It's really adult prom. You talk about it for weeks... and in 75% of the cases, it never meets your expectations." – Jeff [02:57]
  • The rest of the cast largely agrees NYE is overrated.
  • Katie: “Memorable New Year's? I haven't had one.” [03:11]

• [03:28 – 03:41]

  • Discussion of the recession’s impact: There’s a suggestion that many people are staying local this year because they’re feeling economic strain.

Disney Cruise and Compromises

• [03:41 – 04:23]
  • Jeff mentions he’ll be on a Disney cruise for NYE—some envy/laughter as it’s “seven days with 3,000 kids.”
  • Quote:
    • “Yeah, man. Yeah, right? Seven days on the dis. Seven days with 3,000 kids on the Disney.” – Jeff [03:41]
    • “There’s gonna be some kind of musical going on, some kind of song going on from midnight.” – Katie [03:55]
  • Explains the choice was driven by logistics—there was only a 7-day cruise available after Christmas, so “it’s Disney or nothing.”

Jessica’s Dilemma: Football vs. Girlfriend Trip

• [04:23 – 07:22]
  • Jessica wanted to do something “super cool” with a friend (possibly Europe), but plans stalled. Once Bobby Bowden (Florida State football coach) announced his retirement, and the team got a Gator Bowl bid, her plans shifted toward going to the game in Jacksonville for his last game.
  • Discusses the challenge of convincing her Penn State–loving friend to join, since the emotional pull is not the same.
  • Quote:
    • “I've never known Florida State football without Bobby Bowden. He's been there 34 years and I'm only 32. So I don't know it without him.” – Jessica [06:43]
  • The team encourages her to go for the “once-in-a-lifetime” event, even if it means changing original plans with her friend.
  • Jessica expresses guilt about changing plans but ultimately sees the importance of being part of a family tradition.

Around the Room: How Everyone Is Spending NYE

• [07:23 – 08:26]
  • Katie: “Probably my least favorite holiday of the year” because it’s so predictable: “You stay up late, you drink, and stay up late. And then two things Melissa hates.” [07:38]
  • She and her partner may make an impromptu road trip somewhere warmer, but nothing is set.
  • Wendy: “I've never had a really great New Year's, and I think it’s overrated. ... People are drunk and asking you what you’re wearing... that’s just not me. I just like to chill at a bar and have a good time.” [08:12]
  • Laughter and banter about how NYE is just another excuse to “watch the clock” and maybe dress up for no reason.

Listener Call-In

• [08:47 – 09:18]
  • A listener (“David”) offers Jeff a carpool to Watertown with his fiancée and their dog—met with laughs and a polite decline from Jeff, who jokes about not wanting to be crammed in a car with three other people.
  • Quote:
    • “No carpooling and me. No, like, I get it and all that, but... The other three people in the car.” – Jeff [09:11]

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Memorable Quotes

• “It's really adult prom. You talk about it for weeks... and in 75% of the cases, it never meets your expectations.” – Jeff [02:57]
• “Memorable New Year's? I haven't had one.” – Katie [03:11]
• "Yeah, man. Yeah, right? Seven days on the dis. Seven days with 3,000 kids on the Disney." – Jeff [03:41]
• “I've never known Florida State football without Bobby Bowden. He's been there 34 years and I'm only 32.” – Jessica [06:43]
• “No carpooling and me. No, like, I get it and all that, but... The other three people in the car.” – Jeff [09:11]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – 01:55: Jeff’s tradition of elaborate NYE plans and the strangeness of having none this year
• 02:57 – 03:28: Riffing on NYE as “adult prom” and the pressure to make it memorable
• 03:41 – 04:23: Jeff’s Disney cruise plans and crew reaction
• 04:23 – 07:22: Jessica’s dilemma: football game vs. friend trip, family traditions
• 07:23 – 08:26: Katie and Wendy’s apathy toward NYE, talk of casual/lazy plans
• 08:47 – 09:18: Listener call-in offers comic relief

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Tone & Style

The tone is light-hearted and self-deprecating, full of friendly teasing, authentic confessions, and group commiseration. The cast pokes fun at NYE expectations, supports Jessica’s football dream, and keeps the banter real and relatable, embodying their “real and funny” show spirit.

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This episode is a comforting, honest exploration of the pressures and realities of New Year’s Eve—reminding listeners that lacking big plans is both normal and maybe even preferable as life and priorities change.

Transcript

[Jeff]

The Bird show. So Jeff's a little bit on the. I can't tell if he's calm about it or freaked out by it that he's got zero plans for New Year's Eve.

Just weirded out by it. But I think. I'm not, I'm not upset. I just. We always do something really cool on New Year's Eve, Jessica and I do. And we always try to be in a different city. You know, we've done New York City, we've done Waikiki beach, we've done Paris, France, we've done Caribbean, we've been on Caribbean islands. So this year we have absolutely no plans for the entire vacation that I'm off of the show, which starts this Friday. So for two weeks there's nothing going on and no New Year's plans and zero. So I'm kind of like excited about it. I feel like that's.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Better or worse.

[Jeff]

I don't like the thought of maybe getting in the car and like driving up to New York and the only problem with a road trip is you have to come back from it. Like I'm excited at the thought of driving up to New York, you know, and taking like two or three days to do it. Like stopping in D.C. and seeing all the Christmas decorations that are in Washington. And then like stopping in Philadelphia and seeing like, you know, where we used to live in Philly and catching up with people we know there and seeing all those decorations, then being, you know, my parents house on Christmas morning, like that's cool. And then. But then like you just don't come

[Katie]

back the same way. When Katie and I take road trips, the whole thing is a vacation, not just the.

[Jeff]

Yeah, but I'm away. I'm the type of person that wants like the debt. If I go to New York, the destination would be my parents house. And then after that, once that's done, I'm like, all right, cool, I'm ready to sleep my own bed, you know what I mean? And so I don't know, I would have to mentally work myself up. And then we were talking about New Year's and. And we have options with friends and going to friend's house. We talked about maybe going to Nashville because that's a drive, but that might be a cool city to go hear some live music and hang out.

I'd have to do something. I couldn't be home on New Year's Eve and just know that there's all that fun going on outside without being jealous about it.

So I mean, I'M not upset about it, but I'm just. And then Jessica reminded me that we had one of our coolest New Year's ever. Was the one. Remember 10 years ago when they thought the world was going to stop? Like, I remember we stood in the. Yeah. Y2K. We stood in the backyard of our house in Arizona, and we stood there for, you know, the tick right to midnight. And we were waiting for, like, the power to go out, like, for the world to end. The stars were even going to go out and the moon was going to fall out of the sky.

[Katie]

You only have about three new years left before 2012, and then it's all going to end.

[Jeff]

The Mayan. Yeah. So I remember we stood back there and then, like, nothing happened. Like, no lights went out. Didn't even flicker. So Jessica says, go turn the computer on. So we go turn the computer on, log in to her email or whatever. Worked fine. Then the phone rings and it's Jessica's dad. And he's like, does your computer work? Yep. It was mine, too.

It's a really great example, like, a smaller example of really what New Year's is all about. It's really adult prom. You talk about it for weeks and weeks and weeks and months leading up to New year's, and in 75% of the cases, it never meets your expectations.

[Katie]

It's so overrated when you so memorable. I'm like, what is a memorable New Year's? I haven't had one.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Katie]

That is one holiday that I have really done over the top.

[Jeff]

It's for rookies, man. For the most part, it's just for rookies, you know, care less.

Well, we always make ours memorable. We do it with travel.

Yeah. Which is cool.

Paris last year and.

[Katie]

But I think a lot of people this year probably are not taking vacations. You know, I think. I think last year people knew the recession was here and started, but I think really this year is when they felt the brunt of it. And, you know, there's probably a lot of people staying in town this time.

[Jeff]

I know y' all are gonna be very, very jealous that I'm gonna be on the Disney cruise for New Year's. Yeah, man. Yeah, right? Seven days on the dis. Seven days with 3,000 kids on the Disney.

[Katie]

There's gonna be some kind of musical going on, some kind of song going on from midnight, you know, from 1159 at 1201.

[Jeff]

Disney Cruise. Seven days.

[Jessica]

Why did you choose the seven day option?

[Jeff]

Because the one that was leaving the day after Christmas, there Was no three day option. It was seven day. You. You're going. Committing to Disney or you're not going at all. So we thought, you know, it's time for a family vacation. So Disney cruise, seven days.

Hey, pal, wanna do a shot?

[Jessica]

Thrilled.

[Jeff]

Now Jen is trying to get out of town for New Year's, perhaps.

[Jessica]

Yeah, there's. There's been lots of. Remember how I was telling you guys a while ago that one of my girlfriends and I decided we had to go somewhere really super cool? And we had started talking about Europe and all these big ideas or whatever, but neither one of us want to spend the money to go to Europe right now. And then we started talking about other, you know, trips, whatever, but for whatever reason, both of us have just been super busy and haven't actually booked any flights anywhere or anything like that. So we keep going back and forth on what we want to do. And then Bobby Bowden announced that he was retiring and then we.

[Jeff]

And he was going to go with you, right?

No.

[Jessica]

With the news of that came the Florida State Seminoles bid to go to the Gator bowl in Jacksonville. So that will be Bobby Bowden's last game as head coach. And so that kind of started steering my plans that way. So I've been trying to convince her she did not go to Florida State with me. She went to Penn State. So she has love for Joe Paterno, as I do for Bobby Bowden, but she doesn't have the empathy of wanting to spend New Year's Eve in Jacksonville. I can guarantee, though, it's a big

[Jeff]

party, Jacksonville is fun, But I can guarantee if Joe Paterno was retiring and this was his last game, she'd want to take you.

[Katie]

Yes.

[Jeff]

Up to. What is it, Happy Valley.

[Jessica]

Exactly. Exactly. And she. Yeah, she loves Penn State. She actually cheered there. I mean, the. So I know she understands why I so badly want to go there, but I feel like I'm really screwing up our girlfriend plan. And I feel like I'm like messing it up or something. But I. It's not that I don't want her to go. I want her to go. Like, I want us to go together.

[Katie]

This is never gonna happen again.

[Jeff]

Yeah, you gotta go. You gotta go.

[Jessica]

It is. It's like a light, once in a lifetime thing. So I have to make that phone call to her today. Thank goodness she's still sleeping in this morning. But I gotta make that phone call today and be like, if you don't wanna go, I totally get it. But I will be sad if I'M anywhere but there.

[Katie]

Yeah. It's kind of like how I feel about Lane Kiffin's last season, you know, and they're coming for the Peach Bowl. I'm just kidding. I was just wondering. I want to spend New Year's Eve at the Dome, at the Peach bowl. Because Lane Kiffin, you know, probably not

[Jeff]

going to remember that one great season he had before he went to jail. I miss Lane. Now you gotta go. You really gotta. I mean, because you have to understand, Jen is like third generation Florida State graduate and fan. I mean, her grandparents and her parents and Jen.

[Jessica]

So my brother, my cousin, I mean, it's a big. Yeah. Our family bleeds garnet and gold and like, I've never known Florida State football without Bobby Bowden. He's been there 34 years and I'm only 32. So it's like I don't know it without him, so. And I have a friend who is working on getting some tickets down there. And I think he's gonna get them pretty inexpensively through his company.

[Wendy]

Nice.

[Jessica]

So I was like, okay, I gotta. I just gotta do it.

[Jeff]

I wanna check in with you tomorrow

to see how this is.

[Jessica]

But I hate those conversations. Cause I like to follow through on what I originally plan on doing.

[Jeff]

Once in a life. You'll regret it.

[Wendy]

You would.

[Katie]

You would be bitter at her for.

[Jessica]

If I were somewhere else. I think so. I think you're right.

[Jeff]

Totally.

[Jessica]

All right. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

[Jeff]

What do you got going on?

[Katie]

Well, it's kind of like. What? You know, Jeff was talking about New Year's. And I mean, we. I make attempts New Year's Eve, but it's true that New Year's Eve is usually probably my least favorite holiday of the year. But it's so predictable. You stay up late, you drink and stay up late.

[Jeff]

And then two things Melissa hates.

Yeah.

What do you mean? I gotta have alcohol and.

[Katie]

And I can't sleep bed at 1. But we originally have no plans. Like, we both of us, you know, it's money, it's work. So we decided to stay in town for Christmas and New Year's. But then Katie keeps hinting like, you know what? Her work has gotten her so bogged down. She's like, you know what? I'm jonesing for a road trip. So it's probably an impromptu road trip south. I don't know where, but somewhere warmer. So we'll see. We'll see.

[Jeff]

And how about you, Wendy?

[Wendy]

I've got zero plan.

[Jeff]

Nothing.

[Wendy]

I've never had a really great New Year's, and I think it is overrated. I mean, people are drunk and asking

[Katie]

you what you're wearing.

[Wendy]

They're already asking what kind of designer dress you're wearing. And girls are all flashy, and that's just not me. I just like to chill at a bar and have a good time.

[Jessica]

Yay.

[Wendy]

Celebrate New Year's.

[Jeff]

But, oh, yeah, Wendy's the girl that dresses down at the bar. What? I really do.

[Wendy]

I really do.

[Jessica]

But she's like, New Year's, it's a pain to dress up anyway because you're going to be cold.

[Katie]

She's talking about the tugs and sequins thing that.

[Jeff]

It's adult prom is what it is, man. And you talk about it, and much like your prom, it just never really meets the expectations or it's rare, you

[Katie]

know, Nothing's going on but you watching the clock.

[Jeff]

Hey, David. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, good morning, y'. All. Hey, Jeff, I got a question for you.

[Jeff]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Caller]

Hey, I'm going to Watertown. You can carpool with me, my fiance and the dog if you want. I mean, drop you off.

[Jeff]

Yeah. No. No carpooling and me. No, like, I get it and all that, but go name that ozone hole for me.

There's only a couple of things about that. That plan that really don't fit you very well.

Yeah. The other three people in the car.

Yeah, the people in the car.

Get it.

[Caller]

The bird show.